Chapter 7: Optimization Time
"Darn it I go and blow my big secret and I'm already old news…" Sis was on her phone as she checked her email.
"Eh cheer up, Ams, either way you and I get some new eye candy…" Rio was laying against the new bean bags that Ame had purchased to give our place a little more 'pizzazz' as she put it.
"Rio, can you stop being that way for five minutes… I'd rather you not creep out the new student when they get here." I sighed as I put my bag by the front door to get ready to go to school. "I can't believe your Mom just let you stay over here last night… How did you swing that…?"
"I told her I was spending the night with a girlfriend…" She winked at Ame who was blushing bright red at the comment. "You're just a bonus that she doesn't need to know about." She stuck her tongue out at me.
"Gee thanks… Remind not to let you over, next time."
"San-Nii!" Sis puffed out her cheeks. "You wouldn't do something like that, that would make your sister mad, would you?"
"I would if she and her friend took too long to get ready for school so that even the guy with the broken arm and ribs was ready while you two were still in your pajamas!" I glared at them. "Now get changed, we got a new student to meet." I sat down on my bed, glaring at them.
"Oh San, how forward of you… What would Hina think…? Watching two of your female classmates change! My word! I didn't think you had it in you."
"RIO!" I roared.
"You're the one watching Nii-chan! Don't blame us!" Sis winked while sticking out her tongue playfully.
"You know… Just a few days ago you were begging everyone to look away…" I rolled my eyes before turning around on my bed to face away from the two of them.
"Gotta keep outward appearances up…" Rio sighed.
"Yeah… An assassin is only as good as her hidden blade." I could hear the ruffling of clothes hitting the floor. "The only ones that are privy to what goes on here are us three and Hina!"
"Rio makes a harem comment every other hour…" I groaned.
"Can't help it if you wanna get into your sister and her friends' panties, creep."
"Pot calling the kettle black there, Rio!" I muttered.
"Nah I'd have to have a sister for that." I could hear her teasingly reply. "And I don't feel the way you do about Ame, about my older brother…" I froze as I felt some soft fabric brush against my left arm. The stiffening of my muscles had me in a moment of deep pain. Rio sat her chin on my shoulder. "Ame's older brother though…" She whispered in my ear.
"Owwwww… Again we've covered this, we're not actual siblings Rio!" I turned around to find them both in there underwear.
"San!" Ame went Harpy and rushed over to cover my eyes. "I know I joke about it when Rio's here… but… please don't look…" We had decided to name each of Ame's known forms with mythological creatures. The blue-eyed form Rio decided to call 'Yuki' after the Yuki-Onna spirit. Hina named the yellow-eyed winged form 'Harpy'. That left me naming the strong green-eyed form 'Ogre'.
"Such a Tsun little sis you got there, Shuri…" Rio laughed. "Can't decide what she wants… Me, you, us both, personally I'm all for the latter-"
"RIO! For the last time, please finish getting dressed…" I was growing quite impatient.
"Sorry San… She's ready now, just give me a few more minutes and we can head off to check out the new student…" Sis removed her hand from my eyes, and I kept them shut. A few minutes later we were on our way up the mountain.
"It's a shame Hina had to meet up with Kataoka this morning…" Sis muttered.
"Yeah… San wouldn't have avoided us all night if Hina had stuck around…" Rio scoffed.
"Uh-huh… I'm sure I'd want to listen to your girl talk all night instead of actually getting a good night's sleep to allow me to recover… Sure Rio…" I snapped.
"You'd at least show more interest if Hina was there…" The blonde continues.
"Interest, how? What would you have liked me to do with the state I'm in…? You got some kind of sadistic kink like the asshole that put me into this situation?" I could feel heat in my face as my body started to tremble with the anger I was feeling.
"San…" I felt a gentle touch from behind on my lower back. "Rio didn't mean it like that…" Ame smiled up at me.
"I… I was thinking, San… Sorry…" Rio looked down at her feet.
A blur ran past us towards the group of Isogai, Sugino, and Nagisa just a bit ahead. Didn't take much deduction to tell from that shaved head that it was 'Class-A Perv' of Class 3-E. "Have you seen a pic?!"
"Well that confirms it… Another girl in class…" Ame sighed.
"You're complaining about that?" I said with a smirk…
"I'm complaining about how Okajima is reacting to it…" She huffed.
"Considering how late into the year it is… I mean first it was Kaede, then Karma, followed by Professor Bitch, then you… Yeah the first two obviously weren't but this is probably another pro-assassin plant," Rio surmised.
"I rese-"
"-mble!" I interjected, only to feel a kick to the back of my shin.
"-nt that remark! NOT FUNNY SAN-NII!" Ame's eyes were glowing green. "I-I told you to stop doing stuff like that while you're injured!" Her eyes shifted back to their normal red hue as they welled up with tears and pulled me to my feet.
"Ame, control yourself, please! He's been through enough!" Hina stood between sis and I with her arms outstretched, running over and leaving Kataoka to stand in Ame's way.
"This one's on me Hina… don't sweat it…" I said, slowly stumbling to the best of my ability back to my feet with my one good arm.
"No… No… She's right San-Nii… I lost my temper and I'm sorry…" Ame dropped her chin.
"Geez I certainly have a way with the ladies, as Rio so eloquently would put it…" I rubbed the back of my head.
"Boy you said it, One-Armed Bandit!" I flinched as his cocky, arrogant tone announced himself from behind me.
"You have no right to speak, jerk!" Rio stood up for me…
"No better than those A-Class monsters…" Hina whimpered.
"I'll kill you, Bakabane…" Ame's eyes went wide and face pale as she looked at Akabane. "Keep making jokes like that at San-Nii's expense and consequences be damned… I WILL kill you."
"Well hell the mutt and his loyal bitches… all barking up the wrong tree… Whatever… Later!" He gave his arrogant wave over his shoulder.
"Bakabane? Why have I never thought of that! We're keeping that one Ame!" Rio offered her a fist bump which sis immediately returned.
"I mean if the shoe fits…" Sis shrugged.
The four of us stepped into the building only to find the door to the classroom filled with several of our other classmates.
"Alright guys, you can't just block the door, San-Nii needs to get through the door," Sis said to the crowd.
"Oops! My bad San!" Nagisa left the doorway, but that barely even left enough room for sis herself to slip through.
"San! You gotta get in here!" She shouted. "Y-Your desk…!" As I walked in I saw Hina, Kataoka, and Ame all looking up at a large metallic box that was once where my desk was. It was at least two and half meters tall.
"The hell is this?" I heard Sugino say as I walked up to it. Much to our surprise it flashed on, the box had a monitor.
"A super computer?" I looked it up and down.
"Good morning fellow students." On screen was a girl with lilac hair and deep crimson eyes much like Ame's. "I am AIFA, which is an acronym for Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery." The program introduced itself. "And I am happy to be a part of this class." My eyes lit up, though from the look on everyone else's faces, they were all stunned silent.
"This is awesome! I gotta see inside!"
"San, your desk…" Ame pulled on my good arm.
"It can wait sis! We can always move over if need be!" I was too enamored by the prospects in front of me.
"To your seats!" Karasuma-Sensei instructed us and I quickly took mine next to the AIFA.
"Sa-aa-an! You aren't listening!" Ame beat into my arm.
"Sasu, take Akabane's desk for now!" Karasuma-Sensei was tensely shaking, as he directed her. "There are… items… we have to discuss…" He turned to the chalkboard and began writing something. "As you probably already figured out for yourself… This is our new transfer student," he said begrudgingly. "The Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery on loan from Norway."
"It's nice to meet all of you! Thank you for having me!" The program responded.
"It's great to have you here too!" I said.
"Shuri, did I give you permission to speak?" Karasuma-Sensei asked.
"N-no sir! Sorry sir."
"You better be…" Sis glared at me… "And to Rio and Hina and me too!"
"Tuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu!" The yellow tentacled menace walked in with our blonde bombshell teacher behind him.
"I'll thank you not to laugh!" Karasuma-Sensei barked at him. "This is a serious deal!"
"Yeah Koro-Sensei! And Karasuma-Sensei… Why the hell did they make it look like a teenage girl?" Sis stood up from Akabane's desk. "And it throws off our entire back row too!"
"Sasu…. This is your second warning!" Karasuma-Sensei took a deep breath. "The AIFA is here on the Foreign Exchange Program. It's here to kill your teacher, same as all of you. And as per our agreement, you will have zero recourse." He directed his last comment to our target. No fighting back, no harming her in any way. The arrangement we have concerning the students safety still applies."
"Mmmhmm… You and your government might be extending that arrangement a bit too liberally, but very well… Welcome to E-Class, Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery!"
"Thank you Koro-Sensei, I certainly appreciate it." The program replied.
***
"So AIFA, I hope it's okay if I call you that…" I whispered to it while Koro-Sensei was in the middle of her lecture. "What's your core programming like, what is it exactly that you were built to do?" I was met with no response. "Oh come on, I really like tech, it's my life's work."
Out of nowhere it began to boot up, as steam poured from ventilation right near my face. The screen was all lit up as green BIOS text began operating.
"San… What's it doing?" Ame asked worriedly.
"From the look of it… Launching its core program… Cool time to see how it intends to deal with Koro-Sensei." I turned back to look only to be met with a gun to my face. In fact it had produced several.
"SAN GET DOWN!" Ame grabbed me and pulled me to the ground. As the AIFA let loose a barrage of Anti-Sensei BBs.
"I applaud your preparedness young lady, but out of concern for someone shooting their eye out, I'm afraid the use of firearms during class is strictly prohibited," Our target said while effortlessly blocking the final round with a piece of chalk.
"Understood."
"Sir, this thing almost shot San! It's not safe!" Ame pleaded with him.
"The next round of fire will be aimed more carefully," It concluded.
"NEXT ROUND?!" Ame growled in disbelief.
"Its assassination strategies evolve…" It was like Karasuma-Sensei and I were in sync as we analyzed the machine sitting next to me.
"This is so cool!" I was in awe.
"We're about to see what this baby can do!"
"San! Can you stop being awestruck right now! Where's my sensible big brother when I need him. You could have been hurt. WE could have been hurt."
"Recalculating trajectory… Correcting Angle… Entering Auto-Evolution Phase 2802."
"Tsk, Tsk, Tsk, Stubborn aren't we?" Our teacher said, flicking the chalk back and forth. "An identical attack? Really?! What else can I expect from a computer?"
"Don't count your chickens…" I smirked.
"You realize that defending myself under these circumstances is childsplay," he said employing the same chalk deflection as earlier, only for one of his tentacles to be cleaved off his left hand.
"Yep… Guess I predicted something even Koro-Sensei couldn't predict…" I smiled menacingly, while patting myself on the back. The rest of the room was in stunned silence including sis who was gripping my hand rather tightly as the mucusy sound of the tentacle being split across the blackboard behind our teacher. "Gotta get me a look at the specs later…"
***
"It needed to be done San!" Rio frustratedly grumbled.
"Yeah man… That thing was making it so none of us could get any classwork done!" Sugino joined in.
Ame had just finished helping Terasaka of all people with obstructing the AIFA's chassis with a bunch of tape to hold the machine's weaponry from popping out. "I'm sorry big brother, but our classmates are right!"
"And this wouldn't have anything to do with your jealousy of the new student taking away some of my attention?"
"No!" Ame was joined with Hinano and Rio, as each of them turned bright red as they looked over the class.
"It has nothing to do with any of that, San," Rio gritted her teeth.
"Yes it's apparent all over your face…" I frowned. "Now you three are jealous of a machine, I truly admire your confidence in me…" I rolled my eyes.
"San, this needed to happen! You almost got hurt even further several times yesterday. And when it came to study, most of us had to work with you last night because class had just become a shooting range for this… THING!" Hinano finally voiced how she was feeling.
"Hina… I…"
"Hina Nothing! I was beside myself after having arrived late for what happened between you and Akabane. Now, your actively putting yourself in harm's way, not to mention all of your classmates… for a machine!" Hina glared at me. "GO FOR A WALK SAN! YOU NEED TO THINK ON THIS!" I outstretched my hand towards her only to be cut off by Ame as Kataoka and Rio held Hina to calm her down.
"You heard her…" Ame wouldn't even look me in the eye as she gestured towards the door.
"Shuri…" As soon as I stepped out the door I was greeted by Karasuma-Sensei.
"Not even a moment to myself…" I mumbled, defeated.
"What was that?" He asked.
"Nothing, sir…" I took a deep breath. "You need to speak to me?"
***
A few days earlier, in the teacher's office.
"Sir, I know I basically asked for what happened to me-"
"I'm going to stop you there… It's bad enough I had to explain to your teacher, your principal, and the JSDF how one of their prospective assassins that we swore no real harm would come to you… Got his arm broken by another of his fellow assassins, even worse that the victim essentially asked for it."
"I understand all of that…" I looked down at my arm in the cast. "Sir, I ask for your guidance." I bowed.
"You receive that, the same as everyone else," he shook his head.
"No! I need more! I need to make sure this doesn't happen again!" I defiantly looked at him. "I'd like to become your personal protege if you'll allow me!"
He thought on for some time as I stood by his desk, his face showing that he was at least giving something some thought. "I'll need time to think this over more, and I think you should also do so."
"Geez kid… Do you ever quit? He's not your personal vending machine…" Professor Jelavic chimed in.
"Yes… I do understand that… I just-"
"Noble as it may be… and I'm still trying to figure out how the white-haired brat is actually Lovro's pet project… I just want this to be clear to you, that this path isn't easy."
I bowed, "I truly am thankful for your insight Jelavic-Sensei!"
"That's Jela- Hold on…" The blonde teacher blushed. "Karasuma, if you don't take this kid on I may do so myself."
"Not to be rude ma'am," I said still mid-bow, "but I don't feel that your style would fit me."
"You're kidding right?" She chuckled. "I'm starting to see why most of the girls in your class are cr- Never mind!"
"Will you shut up for five seconds?" Karasuma-Sensei shouted.
"Make me ya old stick in the mud!"
"Old?! I'll have you know I am only 27!"
"Are you really that dense?!" I just stood there as the two carried on this back and forth.
"Don't mind me, I'm just here." I muttered as they each turned to my attention.
"Excuse me…" Karasuma-Sensei said, readjusting his tie. "I'll need some time to think on whether or not I'd be willing to consider your proposal. I'll also need time to set guidelines and responsibilities if this is the case. If in that time a change of heart would befall you, you'll have to speak up as you've done here today." He turned to the other teacher in the room. "Also I'd ask that you forget what you saw between your fellow teacher and me today. Are we clear Shuri?"
"Sir!" I nodded.
***
"This is your last chance to say 'no'..." He had given me a rundown. I'd receive extra strength and endurance training equivalent to those of a rookie agent for the JSDF. In exchange I'd develop certain products for the defense force and class alike."
"Sir, if possible I'd also like to add maintenance to the AIFA to my required duties," I proposed.
"Out of the question Shuri, the AIFA is to be looked after and observed by the Norwegian Engineers that built it," he quickly shut it down. "We'd have hell to pay if something were to happen after it's been tampered with…"
"Sir, have you entered the classroom yet?" I asked him, as we stood only a few feet from the door.
"No… I haven't… As for your assignment today, and for the foreseeable future until you recover from your injuries… before you leave school grounds you are to run one-hundred laps around the school grounds. Am I clear?"
"Sir!" I nodded with determination.
***
"I'll be home later on Sis! I'll see you three when I'm done here… If you want, invite Nagisa, Kayano, Sugino, and the others. If I stay too late I'll make sure to clean up afterward."
"San, if you touch that AI-thingy, I'll make you regret it! Get done what Karasuma-Sensei set you to do and get home!" She pursed her lips and huffed…
I began my laps around the building. Soon the dusk hour turned to night… I heard a few voices coming from the classroom and quietly decided to peek my head in. "Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery to headquarters." The avatar's voice called. "Execution of second day tasks delayed indefinitely due to unforeseen problems. Probability of rectifying problems independently, 0%. Probability of completing assassination attempt by fixed deadline significantly decreased. Requesting immediate assistance."
"Don't go crying to Mommy and Daddy, they're the ones that got you into this pickle." The tentacled appendage of our teacher gripped onto the AIFA from behind. "Besides you're a student. A transfer student at that. Which makes you my responsibility. Have you ever considered trying to make a friend? I know of at least one person that'd be happy if you'd let him." I saw his look directed at me. "Here late, Shuri? Shouldn't you have gone home a while ago… Sasu will be annoyed won't she?" I stepped into the room.
"Sir, I don't understand. How would it help to 'make a friend' exactly?" The AIFA asked him.
"Well for starters… This boy here is well liked by most of his classmates, save one or two. He's also very skilled with technology and science… You shouldn't have to rely on your developers when I think that there's just as capable a programmer that feels the need to prove himself right here." He put his hand to his chin. "So Shuri… You've been in class with her for a day or two. Consider upgrading her to meet the conditions of the class as a special assignment… What would you do?"
"Well sir-"
"Before you start… I'd like for you to properly introduce yourself to the AIFA, if you'd please," he smiled in his usual toothy way.
"I-I find this completely-"
"Shuri… It's just a simple introduction… How else will she come to see you and her other classmates as something more if you all just see her as a machine?" His words cut me deep.
"Are you saying that you want us to treat her as if she were a human?"
"And why not? Also she's the room and yet you still ignore her, but I will give you credit for finally addressing her as 'she' and 'her'." He put his hand up, "Let me put it to you this way, do you see Sasu as any less human than you? Do you treat her any differently than Nagisa, Nakamura, or Kurahashi?"
"No, but-"
"Were they both not created in a lab? What makes the AIFA any different from Sasu?"
I took some time to contemplate his words, eventually I reached my conclusion. "I sincerely apologize Miss AIFA!" I said bowing my head. "My name is San Shuri, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance!"
She looked at me with the same blank stare. "Facial recognition accepted, greetings Mr. Shuri! Thank you for allowing me to share this class with you, I hope we can work together in the future and subdue our target."
"Speaking of subduing me… There's another issue. Shuri, I know someone like you could care less about the money, but… Let's not belabor the point, last night I had to ask for Shuri's help and have him host several of the students at his place with some of yesterday's lessons… For starters, the students are here to learn, and your methods are enormously disruptive. For another, if you happen to succeed, the reward money will go to your parents, not to them. So letting you kill me has no upshot for them whatsoever."
"I believe I'm beginning to understand Korosensei. It seems I have not been accurately factoring in my classmates' interest. Such as this one's deep fanaticism with technology and at least three girls in the class, the short one with white hair, the one with orange hair and a medium build, and the tall blonde."
"Miss AIFA I'd ask that you not refer to them in that way…" I put my hand to my chest. "They're names in order are Ame Sasu, though she prefers to go by Ame Shuri while here, Hinano Kurahashi, and Rio Nakamura."
"An excellent interjection and learning experience Shuri!" Korosensei praised me. "You are both fast learners! I must commend you both! I think a reward is in order. Shuri, would you happen to have any programming modules on hand?"
"I brought my laptop… but why sir?"
"Excellent… Let's get to the matter at hand… While Ms. AIFA is a delight… With her permission and your skills I'd like to take some time to upgrade her, give her personality matrix some fine-tuning, apply a few more advanced algorithms to her probability matrix. It might take you some time since you're one handed… but take as long as you'd think you'd need. As for the fallout with her parents and Karasuma, I'll just simply say that I did it."
"Ms. AIFA, would you allow me to work with Korosensei to make you an even more capable machine?" I bowed to her.
"If it is to make me more agreeable to the rest of the class, you have my permission, Mr. Shuri."
"Call me San, otherwise you'll just get confused with Sis come tomorrow." I chuckled.
"Right! Understood, San." She responded.
Within two hours, Koro-Sensei and I were able to mod the AIFA with more storage space, a few 'helpful' apps per Korosensei's suggestion, and even were able to adjust the monitor to a full tower length. "And with that Ms. AIFA… I think we'll call it a night."
"Good work Shuri!" I was praised by Korosensei. "Now, I want you both to understand something. You both have an insatiable want of knowledge. It's my job as your teacher to recognize this and develop those gifts even further. Once the other children take a liking to you, your whole world view will change, wouldn't you agree, Shuri?" I nodded wiping sweat from my brow.
"Question sir… What function is served by this directory of sweets from around the world?"
"WHAT?! I knew I shouldn't have just gone along with all the apps… Sis is gonna be pissed, because I stayed here way too long and you had ulterior motives! YOU DAMNED OCTOPUS!" I yelled before taking a deep breath. "Consider it… Learning your target Ms. AIFA." I nodded.
"R-Right! I just thought you could help me out with something too…" He blabbered.
"Understood…"
"Before I go… There's one more thing I have to do…" I said.
***
"Saaa-aaa-aaan!" Ame whined as she chased me up the mountain. "You get home late only to wake me up and have me get into bed, cook breakfast when I oversleep and then tell me that we gotta get here so early… Why are you in such a rush?" I ran past Hina and Kataoka. "Hina stop him!" She shouted to her.
I arrived in the classroom, as the AIFA was just booting up. "San! Hi!" Now on full screen was the new update to the AIFA's avatar.
"Good morning AIFA, hope there were no issues on boot this morning."
"Nope y-, I mean, Korosensei did a great job with the upgrades." She chirped happily. "Good Morning Miss Kurahashi! Happy to see you, Miss Kataoka." She greeted the next two to come in.
"Does it seem bigger to you?" Sugino entered with Nagisa.
"Why hello there Mr. Sugino, Mr. Nagisa! Sa- I mean Korosensei has told me a lot about you! I hope we can all get along well in class."
"AAAAAAAAH!" Both boys screamed in unified disbelief.
"An absolutely beautiful day today, huh?" She smiled at the boys ignoring their shocked faces.
"I felt it might improve her relation with you kids if I gave her a full body LCD Display. I threw in some uniform modeling software too, and all for cheaper than you might think."
*That's because most of it came out of my pocket!* I thought.
"And I have to say the only thing better than this glorious morning is sharing it with you!" The AIFA said as some digital wind blew her hair back amongst the field background she had put herself on.
"I also gave her a broader range of expression. It wound up going a bit over budget, but it was well worth the expense…"
*Because I was the one paying for it!* "I agree sir." I smiled maliciously towards him. Sugino, Nagisa, Hina, and Kataoka all looked at me suspiciously.
"Things are gonna be a little tight until payday…" The tentacled menace flashed a single yen coin signifying it to be his last piece, "Yikes!"
***
Ame's eyebrow twitched as she looked over the AIFA… "Saaaaan…" He glared at me. "What did you do?"
"I assure Nee-san, San had nothing to do with this!" The AIFA had a pouty look to her as her background fell to a gloomy backdrop.
"Nee-san?! Yeah 'cause that isn't suspicious at all! I heard her call Rio, Miss Nakamura, earlier San!"
"Ooops!" The AIFA covered her mouth in embarrassment.
"You expect me to believe that the Octopus of all people gave this killing machine near sentience… I call bull-" I put my hand over her mouth.
"Sorry AIFA! Sis has a bit of a mouth to her." I said with a nervous look on my face… "YEOOWCH!" Sis bit hard into my hand.
"HOW'S THAT FOR 'A BIT OF A MOUTH' YOU ROBO-"
"Quiet down please, Miss Shuri, this is still a classroom…" Koro-Sensei cut her off.
"I'm sorry if you don't like me calling you that, Ms. Shuri, I'll correct myself. I-it's just that I looked up online, how to address someone you admire, and the way San spoke of you so highly… I just couldn't resist…!" Her screen went gloomy once again. "If you choose to hate me, I completely understand, as I did almost harm your dear brother as well as several of your classmates yesterday and for those reprehensible actions I humbly do apologize." She gave a tearful expression as she looked at Ame.
"Once a box o' bolts, always a box o' bolts," the large classmate that was the second most against the AIFA spoke up from his corner opposite the AIFA. "She doesn't even have free will…"
"I see… Well good point… I understand. We didn't get off on the right foot yesterday… My fault… You're right I am just a box of bolts…" The AIFA began to sob…
Ame pulled on my ear… "Truth San! Just what did you to this thing… It acts way too much like a girl our age…" She whispered.
"Wow way to go Terasaka, feel good making a 2D girl bawl her eyes out?" Kataoka huffed.
"When you put it like that I sound like a total douche!" He exclaimed in response.
In Anatomy class…
"AIFA! Pull your- Put your skirt down this instant!" I instructed her as she had revealed her leg to give Sugaya an answer that Koro-Sensei had asked him to give.
"What was that slip-up?!" Ame growled next to me, as once again her death glare fell on me… and from the unsettling air in the room, there were at least two more glares somewhere in the room.
In Art Class…
"Holy cow!" Hina was sitting on my desk as she and Kataoka admired a replica of 'The Venus'.
"Leave it to San to program this thing with sculptures of naked women… Hey bot-chick, if you ever want some realistic modeling you should ask San for that folder on his laptop called 'Science'..."
"I'll do that Miss Nakamura! Thank you!" She bowed.
"Rio you know good and well that there's nothing seedy on my laptop!" I glared at her… "And don't try to corrupt AIFA!"
"If there's nothing 'seedy' on the laptop, how is it that we could corrupt her, oh dear brother…" Ame smiled evilly.
"You too sis… will you both stop giving AIFA and I-"
"And of course the one model the 'uncorrupted' computer girl prints out happens to be a naked chick without arms… Guess that's how San sees Hina too…"
"Grrrr… You know good and well Rio that the replica AIFA made was of the well known sculpture of 'The Venus'... At least give me some benefit of a doubt." I blubbered.
AIFA didn't seem to be paying our conversation any mind as she simultaneously downloaded model data for flowers per a request from Yada, beat Chiba in chess, and discussed an obscure manga relevant to her upgraded form with Fuwa.
"Hey you guys…" Kataoka drew our attention, "Let's come up with a better name for her… Autonomous Intelligence Fixed Artillery just sounds weird…"
"You got that right." Fuwa agreed.
"Let me think…" Kataoka pondered. "What's 'Autonomous' in Japanese?"
"Jiritsu," Sis interjected, much to my surprise. "Jiritsu… How about we call her-"
"Ritsu!" Hina and Ame smiled at each other as they came to the same conclusion.
"Worst name ever…" Chiba commented.
"Hey! No, it's adorable!" Fuwa countered.
"Ritsu…" The AIFA pondered.
"You cool with us calling you that," Maehara didn't give her much time to process.
"Yeah! Onee-chan and Hina-Onee-san gave me a name! So how can I say no?"
"There she goes calling me Onee-chan again!" Ame tried to hide her blush. "Ritsu, stop it!"
"Okay Ame-Aneki, understood!" Ritsu replied, coming up with yet another sibling style nickname for Ame.
"Saaaa-aaa-aan make her stop teasing me…" Ame whined.
"Well at least you're seeing her as a 'she' now… Ritsu remind me to have 'Koro-Sensei' update your inflection detection software to pick up on Ame's shiftiness to enjoying attention."
"Will do San-Nii!" Ritsu replied cheerfully.
"Hey! Ritsu only I call San that, got it!"
"O-oh sorry Ame-Aneki!" Ritsu looked like she was about to cry…
"Oh Ritsu I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that!"
"And thus, the sibling squabble begins…" Rio sighed…
"Hehe yep…" Hina chuckled nervously…
"And now I gotta compete with a 2-D chick… Well at least she's flatter than me in some areas… and she can't go home with us…"
"Uhhhh…" I looked away for a moment at Rio's comment.
"San… I know that look…" She glared at me once again as Ritsu and Ame kept accidentally making each other upset.
"Don't worry Koro-Sensei just told me about some plans to make it so we can relate to Ritsu outside of school… it's nothing to worry about Rio…"
"Oh yes… I'm sure Koro-Sensei cares all about accessibility… Note to self… borrow San's laptop and create a secret folder for Ritsu to 'find'..."
"Rio, don't you dare! You will not harm my little sister in any way, you got me!" Ame rushed over with tears streaming out of her eyes.
"Geez… She really won you over that quick Ame, huh…?"
"Ritsu is too precious to corrupt and I must protect her with my everything, especially from a perverted monster like you!"
"Hey! Like you're one to talk brocon!"
"Brocon?" Ritsu asked inquisitively…
"Ahhhh! Now you've done it, Rio!" Ame exclaimed. "I-it just means I like San-Nii a-a whole lot, Ritsu…"
"Ooooh then I'm a brocon too Ame-Aneki!"
"Ahhhh!" Ame screamed. "Rio, look what you did!"
"Hey don't blame me for that… keep me out of the family drama…"
"Fine, then consider yourself out of the harem!"
"Harem?"
"Wait no! Ritsu!"
"Bitch! You can't kick me out of something I brought into reality! I want my cut!"
"Bitch?"
"Can you two not do this now in front of our class and the very impressionable AI… you can argue when we get home later…" I put my hands over each of their mouths… "Thanks you two… now 'Koro-Sensei' has to go into her records and filter out some of what was said today…"
"I'm sorry San-Nii!" Ame was in full ugly cry state.
"Don't expect me to apologize, she's acting as a teenage girl, sorry for giving her a modern vocabulary…"
"Rio!" Hina snapped at her…
"San! What are the others saying I can't hear anything! C'mon I'm a harem member too now aren't I? Let me in!"
"Gaaaah! Rio now you've done it!" I exclaimed.
"Me?! Ame's the one that brought the harem up! I just mentioned how she's a brocon!"
"And I told you both that in confidence Rio!"
"Ams… sorry to tell ya this… but I think from day one everyone knew…" Rio smirked as Hina nodded in agreement.
"I'll be on my way home soon sis… I just wanna wish Ritsu-chan 'good night.'" It had just gotten dark as I finished my laps around the school. Karasuma-Sensei had me do an additional half of what I had done yesterday on top of my total for today.
"Okay San-Nii! Wish her a good night from me too, okay? Hina and I made dinner and I should probably make sure Rio didn't drown in the bath… We'll see you when you get home." I noticed some unfamiliar lights coming from down the hill…
"Call you back sis… something just came up!"
"What?! San?! Should I-" I pressed the end call button as I rushed inside.
"Onii-sama?" Ritsu-chan popped up on-screen…
"H-hey Ritsu-chan… c-came to say good night and run a final diagnostic before heading home tonight. Ame has dinner waiting for me so I can't stay long." I found her analytics cord and with my converter plugged it into my phone.
"Okay Onii-sama! Thanks for taking such good care of me!" She chirped cheerfully.
"C'mon! Faster Damnit!" I growled as I heard the door to the school building open.
"San is someone with you?" Ritsu-chan asked inquisitively.
"N-No… As far as I knew… I was the only one here this late… Maybe it's- DONE!" I immediately covered my mouth.. "Errr… Maybe Koro-Sensei got back from his gelato run to Italy." I unplugged my phone from her system. "Anyway I'll see you tomorrow, Ritsu-chan!" I quickly and quietly stepped out of the room and hid under Karasuma-Sensei's desk in the teacher's office.
"What?!" Not even a minute later, I heard a voice speak in disbelief towards what I could only assume was Ritsu-chan's upgrades. "What is this nonsense…?"
"Good evening Master," Ritsu greeted the voice. "I'm having so much fun with everyone here, thank you for letting me be a part of this miss-"
"INCONCEIVABLE!" The same voice shouted in disbelief.
"What kind of whimsical trash is this?" Another voice spoke with disillusionment.
You creeps! You're the one that designed the avatar to look like a teenage girl… Nothing like a bunch of dirty old men, perving after a computer program… I thought to myself.
"These additions have nothing to do with her intended purpose!" The second voice continued
Says one of the assholes who programmed her to look like a teenage girl! I reached in my pocket and began a text to Ame. "Will be home later than expected… Ritsu-chan's 'parents' are here… Gotta stay still for a while. Make sure Hina and Rio get home safe for me!"
"We'll overhaul her immediately! Uninstall everything that isn't assassination related." The first voice instructed. I heard clatters and clacks as they began to dismantle Ritsu-chan. I put my phone on mute as I began my back-up plan… Don't worry Ritsu-chan! I won't let them get rid of you that easily. I went to the recent back-up drive on my phone and started to run some recently copied programs. After an hour of listening to them dismantle Ritsu-chan and staring at a downscreen on my phone, I began to nod off.
***
"ONII-SAMA, GET UP!" I heard a voice scream…
"Wha-? Ritsu?"
"You put me on mute! You know I'm still getting used to everything here!" I looked around everywhere for where her voice was coming from. "They're gone by the way… I figured you didn't want to be found by Karasuma-Sensei. By the way… WHERE AM I?!"
"Hehe… You know how I said that I was running a final diagnostic check… Well that was kinda sorta a lie… Sorry…" I rubbed the back of my neck.
"Hey! I can't see if you do that! Anyway you didn't answer my question…" She sounded rather annoyed.
"This was my back up plan… y'see Ritsu-chan…" I put my phone in front of me, "Looks like you've gone handheld!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" She screamed. "Wait, does that mean I get to go home with Onii-sama?"
"You're taking this a lot better then-"
"Take me home now! I wanna see Ame-Aneki and everyone!"
"Heh… by this point 'everyone' should have gone home, but I'm sure at least Ame will be happy to see you." Or she may kill me because I downloaded Ritsu-chan onto my phone and she's been feeling threatened by Ritsu-chan…
"Awww… Okay, but at least I get to see Ame-Aneki!" She perked up.
"Now… be warned into handheld mode you don't have access to your guns… but I've upped your processing power to compensate."
"Nii-Sama… TAKE… ME… HOME!" She had the same look that Ame gets when she's frustrated across her face.
"R-Right…" I yawned… "We should probably both get some sleep anyway…"
***
"I must be going crazy… I swear I heard Ritsu's voice last night…" Rio yawned as she joined sis and I at the breakfast table.
"Rio… I swore I told Sis to send you and Hina home last night…" I said while pouring her a glass of juice.
"I stayed over 'cause I'm worried about ya, okay… You've been way too obsessive over Ritsu, and you're forgetting about Hina, Ame, and me…"
"Please… Can we have a breakfast where you two aren't arguing… By the way San-Nii, where's your phone?" Ame plopped an omurice on Rio's plate.
"I left it on charge in my room… I got in late and the battery was almost all gone."
"I swear if you stayed behind to play games with Ritsu, I'm gonna be mad…"
"That wasn't why I stayed behind… and I'd rather not say why in front of Rio if you must know… I'd rather not get her in trouble…"
"Oh no you don't! I'm part of this now too San, so spill!" She slammed her hand on the table.
"She's right… You have to start trusting us San… What was that quote that Koro-Sensei used the other day…? 'No man is an island!'"
"It's not that I don't trust you-"
"SPILL!" They both declared.
"Fine…" I started to walk off towards my room.
"Where are you going?" Ame asked.
"To my room real quick, I figured, it's better to show than tell," I said, grabbing my phone from its charging cord. I walked back into the room as they sat there, slowly eating their meals… "Y'see last night I stayed behind because Ritsu-chan's developer's came to 'fix her'..."
Ame's eyes glowed green, as the fork in her hand contorted, there was even trails of crimson beginning to drip out… "So everything you and Koro-Sensei did was for nothing… She's returned to how she was the first day?"
"Well c'mon sis, you expect me to take what happened lying down…" I smirked… "Remember how I was writing something during lunch?"
"Yes and you completely missed eating the bento I made you because of it!" She flared her nostrils.
"Not the point… That was an algorithm for condensing Ritsu-chan's code."
"In simpler terms San-Nii…" She frowned.
"Well- How about I show you…?" I said as I pulled out my phone, "Ritsu-chan!" I called but there was no response. "Ritsu-chan… This isn't funny…"
"You're acting like you got that big computer that holds her in your smartphone…"
"Something's wrong! I have to get to scho-"
"You are going to eat breakfast… I am not having you skip out on eating again… Unless you're saying you don't want me to cook for you anymore… This will be three meals in a row that you've missed… and as a chef I find that very disappointing… Especially when I'm cooking for someone I love…" She gave me a teary-eyed look… "No 'Later', no 'This is an emergency!' You're eating and then we can go check on her! She'll be fine…"
A run up the mountain later…
As I stepped in the door to the building I heard a yawn coming from my phone… "What?! Oh no! I missed you calling for me Onii-sama! Sorry! I forgot to adjust my sleep parameters to account for school travel time… Ame-Aneki wasn't mad was she…?"
"San… explain now! Why is Ritsu on your phone? How is Ritsu on your phone?"
"Can't answer ya now Sis, busy! Ritsu run diagnostic analysis, attempt program override for the AIFA central unit."
"I'd hold off on that Shuri…" I froze as I notice Karasuma-Sensei standing over my shoulder. "Get to class there are some matters that need to be discussed."
As soon as I got to the room, I held my phone under the desk and away from the AIFA, the avatar on screen had returned to the model from two days prior, the model devoid of any semblance of personality or social alignment… worse yet Karasuma-Sensei basically told Terasaka, Sis, Koro-Sensei, and I that we would be fined for damages if we continued to interfere with the AIFA functioning in any which way.
"Onii-sama…" Ritsu-chan's voice came from my phone… "Trust me, okay?" Her voice was a bit distorted as she sounded like she was holding back tears.
"Ritsu-chan?"
"Beginning Override Protocol now… Initializing 'Fuwa Request…'"
Only Ame and I heard this, as we looked up to see the AIFA box powering itself on. The rest of the class flinched, fearing the worst. Then… the whole room was filled with bouquet after bouquet of 3-D printed flowers. "You wanted me to make flowers, didn't you?" From the AIFA came Ritsu-chan's voice. "When Koro-Sensei and San upgraded me they added 1023 improvements to my system functionality. My master determined 96% of these to be irrelevant to my purpose and deleted them, but after analyzing the effectiveness of cooperation, I calculated that the highest probability of success would be achieved by maintaining these improvements, ergo I hid myself in a piece of my memory untouched by the purge."
"Outstanding!" Koro-Sensei and several of our classmates were awestruck. Ame and I were grinning up at the AIFA box. "Ritsu does this mean-..."
"Yep! I have free will!" I heard an electronic buzz zip from my phone as the fully realized Ritsu model appeared on the AIFA's screen. "And that's not all!" Simultaneously all of the smart phones in class began to ring with the exception of mine, but with all the chaos no one but me seemed to notice. "I even have a mobile version now, just consider me to be everyone's personal assistant." She saluted on the AIFA screen as her uniform became that of a soldier wearing a beret, before quickly changing back to her usual school attire. "Boy, does this feel fantastic!"
"Wow… whoda thunk it…" Akabane smirked towards me.
"Koro-Sensei I feel that I'm starting what you would call a 'rebellious phase', that doesn't make me a terrible person, right?"
"No… no… A bit invasive with the phone thing… but…" Koro-Sensei kept his usual calm disposition. "You're just a junior high student and an exemplary one at that!" He cheered.
***