"Are you okay?", Cappie laughs and I moan out of frustration.
"Don't laugh or make fun of me, I'm fine. Totally fine", I say, out of breath.
We made it into his bed tonight for a change. After he had come home from his shift at Doblers and I'd practically jumped his bones after I'd spend the evening waiting for him to come home and help me ease my… urges. I hadn't even fully realized which bedroom we'd ended up in until we were on his bed, since he'd led me through the hall stumbling between kisses.
"No seriously, you're breathing really heavily", Cappie gives me a concerned look. "And not in a hot, I'm about to… you know way. In an I'm about to pass out way".
I hear him but still keep moving at the same pace, determined.
I can't believe I get winded just being on top during sex. Not to mention that was basically the only way we could do it now.
With my belly even bigger than the first time we did this on Homecoming a couple weeks ago, there were very few positions in which my belly wasn't in the way. And believe me, we'd tried.
He stops moving with me then so only I'm continuing to grind against him.
"Why'd you stop?", I question him between breaths and he puts both his large hands on either one of my hips to hold me steady so I'm not moving.
I'm partially annoyed by this act of defiance, because dammit, I really needed the release. But I also can't help the way my heart rises in my throat at the feeling that he's looking out for me.
"Why don't you just take a breather for a second okay?", He smirks, running his hand up and down my arm.
"Ugh", I groan and flop down on top of him. "I'm sorry, this is so not sexy. Being pregnant sucks".
"No, don't say that", I feel his laugh in his chest underneath me. "You are never not sexy to me. And… I'm serious, there's something to the having sex with the woman who's carrying your child thing. Especially if that woman is you".
He gives me a devilish grin then as I meet his eyes.
"Not to mention…", He laughs. "I can feel her right now kicking against me on this side of your stomach".
He touches the left side of my stomach against him in which the baby is using her foot to try and kick her way out of me.
"Yeah I know, she's trying to kill me via karate chop", I say with a laugh as he keeps his hand firmly pressed on my belly. "You know I actually read somewhere that the movements during sex are supposed to rock the baby to sleep. But no, I guess not our baby".
I say that last part sarcastically, earning a laugh from Cappie.
"Well…", He gives me a faux seductive look. "We could try it again if you've caught your breath… strictly for scientific purposes of course".
I giggle then and sit back upright, my hands on his chest to steady myself as I move back and forth slowly, going easier this time as to try to not get as out of breath. It was seriously hard to do anything remotely active these days when you feel like you're constantly carting around a watermelon.
"You know, the whole you on top of me before I can even say hi to you thing is a major perk of living together", Cappie says, grinning as he bites his lower lip and lets a gritting noise slip through his teeth. "So is doing this wherever and whenever we want".
He's always trying to hold on as long as possible so that I can get what I need first.
He tries to play it off like me on top of him, using him to stretch myself every which way, doesn't effect him. But I knew him better. I could see the way it made him struggle to not let go himself.
"I know right", I nod feverishly, but my mind is more focused on what's going on further down my body where the feeling of intense pressure is building and building.
I let out a loud 'oh my god' then as I rock a certain way, much to Cappie's amusement.
"See? I like it, making use of the fact that we can be as loud as we want", Cappie comments. "Granted, not screaming level loud because we're still in the same building as Rusty and Dale. And Sheila… who touched my chest in what I would call a quite inappropriate way the other day if I do say so myself, and usually I'd be into that type of thing but-".
"Cap?", I manage to get out the word through my gritted teeth, cutting off his rambling.
"Yeah?"
"Shut up okay? I'm… about to…. Oh my god", I can't even finish my sentence.
He gleams up at me then, taking pleasure in watching me like this. I catch one last glimpse of him before my eyes close in pleasure as I keep moving back and forth in a rhythm, biting my lip so hard I'm sure it's just about bleeding.
My hand roams down my body, going past the side of my bump so I can touch myself, helping myself along.
"When you touch yourself like that…", He bites his lip, taking a sharp breath in, turned on by watching me on top of him. I feel his hands firmly find their place on my ass as he helps me out, moving me back and forth with his strength.
This was an average sexual experience with Cappie that I'd been used to for years. It was one of the reasons why I'd never really stuck with any other guy for very long. Cappie always made sure I was taken care of first. I was always one hundred percent comfortable with him, and I never had that type of feeling with Evan or Max, even though I cared about them, it wasn't the same.
With Cappie's extra movements it makes it impossible to hang on.
My body feels like jello right now. In fact my mind does too.
"Fuck…", is the last word I can properly get out before I practically convulse, holding onto his arms for dear life to keep myself steady.
I collapse down to hug him then, my arms around his neck as I keep whimpering against him, still going through the motions of my release.
"It's okay, let it out", he whispers to me, smirking while caressing my back, referring to me contracting around him at a record speed while I can't stop the noises I'm making against his ear.
I slowly come back to life, my body wracked with shivers that feel good all over me. I can still feel my heart beating hard throughout my whole body.
"Thank you", I let out in a breathy sigh against him, not fully even aware of why I'd said it.
"What?", He scoffs then, like I've just said something crazy.
"Thank you for staying here with me", I say, now out of breath again, holding onto the side of his stubble filled cheek as I watch his eyes go from his regular joking expression to softer and gentler. "I haven't thanked you yet for… you know, staying here with me even before the baby comes…"
"Believe me, you don't have to thank me for being here Case", he says, his gaze serious.
Of course I knew it made sense for Cappie to be here when the baby comes, but he didn't necessarily have to be here before that. I just flat out asked him to. And I couldn't even come up with a good excuse as to why he should be here, I just wanted him to be.
"Okay", I nod with a blush and move myself off of him. He holds my hands to help me as I basically no longer have a center of balance with my belly weighing me down.
I look into his eyes, serious, as I sit on bended knees beside him laying on the bed.
"But I… I want to thank you. For… everything".
He looks confused for a moment before I lean forward to take his length into my hands slowly.
"Case", He breathes out then, sharply, in response to my touch. "Are you-"
I cut him off then because I know he's gonna ask me if I'm sure I'm up for this, and I don't need him to. What I need him to do is let me make him feel good.
"You didn't get to … you know", I give him a look.
"I definitely could've, I was just waiting for you", He explains.
"I know you were", I give him a seductive grin. "And I love that you do that for me. So let me do this for you now".
"I don't… I don't want you to overexert yourself".
"You don't want me to?", I look at him sarcastically. "Because your body is telling me otherwise".
I gesture to the fact that I didn't think he could get any harder but he somehow has.
He laughs then with a smirk as I keep going with slow movements.
"Yeah he does that, it's pretty uncontrollable actually but what can you?"
I roll my eyes with a smile.
"Cap I'm pregnant, not dead", I give him a look. "You always help me, now let me do this for you".
I push him back so he's laying down fully and move closer down to him.
"Okay, okay", he gives in with a grin and I go to work on him until Cappie is in the same state I was a few minutes ago.
"Well that's not a night I'll forget anytime soon", Cappie says with a scoff. I'm laying encompassed in his arms against his chest, so close that I can hear his heart beating. His hand rests on my belly.
"Good", I blush, playing with the tufts of his scruffy hair within my fingers. "Hey… the baby seems to be asleep now. I haven't felt her".
I look at him with a giggle.
"Ah", He gives me a joking grin. "So our experiment worked".
"Yep", I nod and cozy into him.
We lay like that for awhile, and I'm unable to wipe the smile off my face, but he probably can't see my mouth to be able to tell. Which is probably a good thing.
"We're actually… really good at this thing Case", Cappie says like he's surprised.
"You're just now realizing that?", I giggle, sure he's talking about the sex. "Why do you think I got pregnant?"
He shakes his head with a laugh.
"I didn't mean that. Believe me, I know we've got that down pat. I meant spending all this time together, getting ready for the baby, living together. It's like we're practically married", He says casually and panic suddenly arises within me.
I move away from him slightly then, alarming him.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Forget that I did", He says with an awkward grimace, regret filling his eyes.
"It's… okay", I say quietly but I'm still unsure what to think or say.
He looks down at me.
"I freaked you out didn't I? I'm sorry, I didn't mean we should get married. I'm not gonna propose, don't worry. I know we're not even together for real", He rambles. "I just meant that you and I… are gonna be really healthy as parents for this baby. That this is going way smoother than I ever could've thought".
My worries soften slightly at his explanation, at him saying he doesn't want to marry me.
But why is that?
Because I knew I loved Cappie. Wouldn't you want the person you love to want to marry you?
Especially when you're having his baby in less than 2 months.
So why was I so scared of this?
"No, you didn't… freak me out", I lie as best I can and lay back on his chest, making myself comfortable. "I just… I'm focused on the baby".
"I know", He nods with a small smile and moves his hand up and down on my stomach, caressing it. "I am too".
"Okay good, because us", I use my hand to gesture between us. "We don't have to figure anything out right now. And we probably shouldn't get too… comfortable".
He looks at me like he's confused then.
"I just mean… that maybe we should probably sleep in our own rooms sometimes. I mean… we've slept in the same bed every night for like a week or two now and it's probably not… healthy", I say.
"Oh okay", he nods quickly. "Yeah I guess you're probably right".
I can't help but think he looks a little upset at my suggestion.
"Okay", I find my way out from underneath his strong arm and grab my blue nightgown with a snowflake pattern from his bedside table, pulling it on over my head.
He sits up in bed, his chest bare, blue eyes icy.
I get a sudden flashback to the beginning of junior year. When I'd slept with Cappie after Evan cheated on me. If I was being honest with myself… Evan cheating on me only let me finally have a good reason to reunite with Cappie. Let me have a reason to give in to wanting to sleep with him again. I knew that even then but just couldn't admit that I liked it. To spend all night in his bed, even then knowing that I was more comfortable there with him then I ever was at Omega Chi when I'd stay over with Evan.
I didn't have to try with Cappie, things just happened. And it happened multiple times that night. And then I'd walked out on him like it had meant nothing. Told him it would never ever happen again, that it was a one time thing.
Ironic, right? Since I was standing here in his room walking out on him again, just over 2 years later. This time with his baby in me.
That look that he'd had that morning in junior year when we'd woken up together and I'd taken off, it was the same look on his face now. And that killed me.
"Goodnight Cap", I give him the best smile I can muster up. "Sleep good".
"Yeah… yeah. You too", He shakes his head, snapping out of whatever thoughts he seems to be deep into. "Goodnight you two".
He smiles at me and I give him an awkward wave and close the door to his bedroom as I leave. Once closed, I lean against his door, alone now, closing my eyes and letting out a deep sigh.
God Casey, way to just completely ruin things, I think to myself.
Any other girl in my situation would just succumb to it, would be happy to give in to it with Cappie. Would be beyond happy that their baby's dad is in the picture.
So why can't I just let myself be with him fully?
I gather myself and then walk back to my room, getting into my bed and laying down, resting my hands on top my bump.
"I'm sorry", I say out loud, meant for my baby, but I guess also meant for Cappie too.
A single tear falls from my eye.
It's just because you're hormonal, I try to tell myself. You're not really sad, it's just your body playing tricks on you because of the baby.
"I'm sorry I can't get it together before you get here baby", I say quietly. "But you probably know your dad by now".
I laugh slightly then, wiping a tear from my cheek.
"Probably feel him touch you and talk to you", I continue. "He loves you. And he's gonna be around for us, so don't you worry".
I still smell like him, still taste him on my tongue, still feel him between my legs.
And I guess I'm somewhat comforted by that, in here without him.
I turn my bedside lamp off then and lay in the complete darkness, my pregnancy pillow beside me. When I slept with Cappie I didn't have to use it, I just let my belly rest against him.
Even if he thought it was easy for me to get up tonight and come back to my bed to sleep alone, he was wrong.
Really wrong.
I wake up the next morning to hear voices in the apartment. When I come to enough, I look at the clock beside me and see that it's 10:00am already. Later than I usually slept in, but that was the baby. Always making me tired.
I sit up then, getting out of bed carefully, to go see what's going on when I realize what the voice is saying.
"Of course I love her", I hear Cappie say.
Oh crap. Maybe I shouldn't walk into the living room right now. I settle for opening my door a crack so I can hear the conversation better, staying as quiet as I can.
"Well you're living together, she's having your baby in less than two months, you act like a couple…", I hear Rusty's voice ramble. "But you're just not going to tell her? Is it because you're not sure about you guys?"
"God Spitter. Of course I'm sure. I have always been sure. I can't imagine a day that I won't love your sister. At this point… after 4 and a half years, loving her is just like breathing for me, it's… like it's an involuntary response. It's always going to be there. It's just something I've gotten used to", Cappie sighs out, ending his impassioned speech.
There's a pause then between them and I hope they can't hear me breathing, don't realize I'm eavesdropping on them. But I needed to hear this.
"Then you should tell her what you just told me", Rusty says finally.
"No way. It would freak her out", Cappie says in response. "I already freaked her out when I mentioned marriage once, not that I even want to get married right now, but just the mere word scares her away".
Cappie sighs then.
"That doesn't mean that she doesn't want that with you Cap", Rusty tries to make him feel better.
Rusty was right, I did want things like that in the future with him. I was just too scared to admit it.
"I know she feels safe with you", Rusty says then.
"Yeah? You think so?", Cappie asks. "I mean I hope she does because that's all I really want".
"She literally told me my freshman year", Rusty points out. "You know that night when you set up that thing with Lisa Lawson? For me to lose my virginity?"
"Yeah I do remember that", The two of them laugh then, recalling that night.
"Well after I didn't go through with it, Casey came to talk to me and told me that I should wait for someone that I love and that I trust. And for someone that I feel safe with, like she did", Rusty explains.
I hear silence then on Cappie's part, as I remember back on that night. I had honestly been annoyed at Cappie that night, hadn't even been on the greatest of terms with him and yet I still couldn't deny what I knew was true. How I knew that what the two of us shared was better than most people's first time experiences, Cappie had made it that way for me.
"Wow… I didn't know that", Cappie says finally, seeming in awe.
"Yeah and later that year she basically called you her safety net, told me that you've always been there for her", Rusty adds and I smile at that memory.
"Well I am, and I always will be", Cappie assures him.
"I know you will Cap, that's why I'm so sure you guys can end up making this work. Because I know that you both want to be with each other and try to make being a family work", Rusty explains.
"Then why does she run away from me anytime I try to bring up an official relationship between us?", Cappie questions. "To me that doesn't seem like someone who wants to be with me".
I hear Cappie sigh and my heart drops. I didn't want to make him feel like that.
"I know my sister pretty well. And I know that she loves you Cap. Just… believe me, okay? She'll come around. Probably after she has the baby since, she doesn't always say it, but I know she's really scared to be a mom and starting something with you on top of that is probably just too much for her right now", Rusty says.
I smile then. Rusty knew me so well. Could see right through me.
"Well I can wait", Cappie says, and I hear a hint of a smile in his voice. "What's a little more time after 4 and a half years of waiting?"
I hear them laugh slightly then.
"She's the only girl Spitter. The only one", Cappie says after a pause between then. Then he sighs deeply. "And I'm lucky enough that she's the mother of my child. I would do anything… I'd wait years if I have to".
"Well for the record I don't think you're gonna have to Cap", Rusty laughs. "But… thanks. You know… for being there for my sister like this. She's really lucky to have you. I knew you wouldn't leave her to do this on her own".
"You don't have to thank me Spitter", Cappie scoffs. "This is… my responsibility, and Casey deserves the best and so does this baby. There's no way I would ever let her do this alone. Truthfully… even though I'm scared out of my mind to be someone's dad… I can't wait to see our baby. Something that's both me and her together, it's pretty cool".
I hear them laugh then.
"Yeah it is cool", Rusty agrees.
"It still doesn't feel real sometimes. And I know this is stupid because we didn't plan it and we're probably too young for this but… I feel really lucky. To have what I have now. I have a real family. Obviously KT will always be my family, but now I get to make one of my own with the person I'm in love with", Cappie professes and his words make tears come to my eyes.
I wasn't usually a crier but the hormones in this last trimester really took hold of me. Hearing Cappie declare his love for me and the baby will never not make me emotional.
"That's really good to hear Cap, I'm so happy for you guys. This really turned out… to be not so bad, considering Casey was going out of her mind when she found out, now you guys have really taken this in stride", Rusty says and I can tell he's probably smiling at Cappie.
"Thanks man. And pretty cool that you're gonna be my kid's uncle, right?", Cap laughs.
"I know. It's awesome", Rusty agrees with him.
I wonder when the right time to walk into the room is. When it'll be the least awkward. I definitely don't want them to think that I heard their whole conversation about me. I wanted what I heard to stay my little secret.
"Well how about some breakfast Spitter? You hungry?", Cappie says and I can hear him moving, probably getting off the couch.
"You cook now?", Rusty laughs.
"Not very well, and it's a limited menu. But I can crack an egg, mix batter into a pancake", Cappie jokes with him.
"Well I could go for pancakes"
"Then pancakes it is", Cappie says. "Hopefully Case will wake up soon to have some, she shouldn't skip meals".
"Well it's better for us to eat before Casey finds out there's pancakes and eats all of them", Rusty scoffs.
"True", Cappie agrees with a snicker.
The two of them laugh and I roll my eyes.
I decide to finally make my appearance then. Partly because I'm bored of standing here, partly because they're done with talking about how Cappie is in love with me. But mostly because I'm starving.
"Hi guys!", I walk out awkwardly to see the two of them in the kitchen.
"Sleeping beauty finally awoke? Alert the media", Rusty jokes.
"Hey I'm making a whole human in my body", I give him a glare and point down to my belly. "I'm making arms and legs… and other things as we speak! I think I'm allowed a nap".
I put my hands on my hips as I look at the two of them.
I see Cappie give me a half hearted smile, soft but awkward.
"Morning", He nods at me as he pulls a frypan out of the cupboard.
"Yeah hi Cap", I nod and then peer over to see Rusty looking back and forth at the both of us, I'm sure sensing the awkward tension. "You need any help making them?"
"No I'm good", He smiles. "I'll bring them to you guys".
I give him a smile and then turn to Rusty so we can go sit at our breakfast bar.
"So Case…", Rusty gives me a look as we go to sit down. "Mom told me that grandma and grandpa practically passed out when she told them you were pregnant".
"Ugh god", I groan. "Well at least it didn't send either one of them into a heart attack. What did they say?"
"I'm not sure about the specifics, Grandma just spouted a bunch of stuff about premarital sex and how could mom let you go to college without talking to you about waiting for marriage and about how mom has let you throw your life away", Rusty shakes his head with a laugh. "They're kind of crazy".
I roll my eyes then.
"C'mon! I've always been responsible, always gotten good grades. I waited till I was 18 to have sex, that's much later than most people", I groan, annoyed with how they thought of me.
"If they met me they probably would have that heart attack you were taking about Case", Cappie scoffs. "I was 15 my first time, and I only knew her for an hour beforehand".
"She'd tell you that you're going to hell", I look at Cappie with a laugh. "Anyway, who cares what they think".
"I'm living in sin and happy about it", Cappie shrugs jokingly as the pancakes start frying up.
"It's too bad you couldn't do something bad Rusty", I point out. "It would really get them off my back. Couldn't you like… do a hit and run or something? Shoplift? Do meth?"
I'm joking with Rusty now as I see a smile take form on his face.
"No I think I'm good Casey", Rus laughs. "Don't feel bad, all you're doing is having a baby, that's something to celebrate, not get mad at you for".
I look at him sweetly then, putting my hand out to squeeze his shoulder.
"Thanks Rus", I smile.
"No problem, I'll defend you, always", He nods as I pull him in for a side hug.
"Alright", Cappie holds a plate over to us with a grin. "Here Case, you get the first pancake".
"Thank you", I smile, taking the plate from him.
"Hey actually…", Rusty looks down at his watch. "Crap, I really want to stay guys, but I just realized how long I've been here, I have a lecture in 10 minutes!"
Rusty races out of his seat in panic and grabs his backpack off the couch.
"Wait Rus, are you sure? You could blow off class this one time", I suggest, feeling anxiety bubble up inside me knowing that if he leaves I'm gonna be left alone to sit and have breakfast in awkward silence with Cappie.
Rusty gives me a confused look then like I'm crazy.
"Case you're gonna be a mom soon, you shouldn't be encouraging people to skip class", He laughs. "Anyway see ya!"
"Bye Spitter!", Cappie calls, putting the last pancake he'd cooked on the plate and grabbing one for himself.
He comes to sit beside me where Rusty had been sitting as I feel a gnawing anxiety in my head making me want to blurt out how I feel about him. Blurt out that I'm sorry. Really just say anything that would make things not as weird between us.
He gives me a curt smile as he sits down and we both eat the pancakes he'd made in silence for awhile.
"So the weather has been crazy lately", is all that comes out of my mouth.
Really Casey? You're talking about the weather? As if we're just two strangers on a park bench and not two people that just saw each other naked less than 24 hours ago. As if I hadn't had his DNA growing in me for the last 7 months.
"Yeah totally", Cappie agrees. "Freezing".
"Yeah it's definitely Winter", I give him an awkward laugh.
This reminds me of last year after I'd told Cappie I wanted to be with him at the end of the world party and he'd turned me down and then we went through the next month or so being awkward every time we saw each other.
"Hey so… about last night-", Cap starts, always one to just say what he's thinking.
I cut him off though, because I am not one to say what I'm thinking. Not at all.
"You know I think I'm full", I push my plate back from me and then give him a quick smile. "I'm gonna get ready and go see Ash, she's gonna be home for her lunch break".
I try my best to get out of my chair, feeling like every time I have to get up from sitting down is a struggle. And the bar chairs were a little higher, a little more difficult for me to get up and down out of.
"You some need help there?", He asks me, turning to me, putting his arm out for me to grab onto.
"No", I shake my head, determined to do this on my own. "I've got it, thanks".
"Okay", he nods, smirking slightly as he watches me get onto my feet, getting my balance and giving him one last friendly nod before walking back to my room cursing myself out for acting so awkward around him.
So you slept with him and then he brought up marriage and then you freaked out and retreated back to your room? You could get past this.
I was totally gonna have to consult Ash about the next steps for this.
"So you didn't even let him barely get in the door before you just jumped him?", Ash laughs.
"That is so not the takeaway from this conversation Ash! This is a real dilemma", I groan at the look she's giving me, the mocking in her glance.
"A real dilemma? Case the guy you love loves you back! Thats like… everyone's dream", She gives me a cross of her arms.
We're in her apartment now. It was Ash's lunch break so I had to take advantage of the hour break she had.
"I know but…", I sigh then and look down.
"Case I know this story all too well, you trying to deny your feelings for Cappie. You did it all of junior year and part of senior year. But this time things are different. You have a baby on the way with him now", Ash gives me a stern talking to and I sigh, sinking down in her couch.
"Case I know you, and there's something keeping you from really taking things to the next level with Cappie, so what's the real problem?", She gives me a serious look.
I look at her for a moment and then shake my head, unsure whether or not to vocalize this. But if I was going to open up to anyone, it was her.
"I just… I don't want him to be with me just because of the baby", I shrug meekly. "And then in a few years he realizes this isn't what he wants, I'm not what he wants. And he resents me, and resents the baby…"
"Casey", Ash gives me a pout. "You know that's crazy right? Cappie has always wanted to be with you".
"Not last spring", I sigh. "And we pretty much only started talking again because I told him I was pregnant. Before that he was having his choice of girls across the country".
"Casey he loves you. I know you both hurt each other last spring but… it wouldn't have hurt so bad if you weren't in love with each other", She points out to me. "And sure, Cappie would be there for his kid regardless of if he wanted to be with you… but I know he does. I see the way he looks at you because he's looked at you like that for years".
I smile slightly to myself then.
"And you guys do everything that a couple does. Hell you're more serious than any actual couple I know", Ash laughs. "So maybe you should just let yourself put a label on it with him. What else are you gonna do? Keep sleeping with him and living with him for years and years until your daughter gets old enough to ask you what the hell is going on?"
Me and Ash both laugh then.
"I guess you're right", I smile. "I just worry sometimes about our track record. I mean we were together, and then we sort of hated each other, and then we hooked up, and then I almost got back together with him, but then I stayed with Evan. Then I kissed him on the beach… then I started dating Max and tried to be just friends with Cappie. Then I realized I was in love with him all this time and threw myself at him. Then he rejected me… then we got back together. Then we broke up again. And now we're… I don't know".
I look at Ash, out of breath.
"Yeah I guess you guys have always been pretty… complicated", Ash looks like she's just been handed long division to answer. "But what is the common denominator here?"
"Um… us being unpredictable?", I laugh.
"No", She shakes her head. "Well, okay, maybe, yes. But not what I was going to say. What I was going to say is that the common denominator is that you always end up back with him. Always".
I think that over for a moment.
"I know", I nod.
"So that should tell you all that you need to know", she shrugs.
I look at her quizzically and she rolls her eyes with a huff.
"Wow I really have to spell it out", She laughs slightly. "It should tell you that he's not going anywhere. That no matter what the hell happens between you guys and this baby, you're always going to come back to each other. I know that, and you know that too Case".
I pause to think to myself then, nodding.
"I know", I say quietly and then sigh out. "I've always known".
"I know you have", she gives me a grin, like it's obvious.
"You have?", I question her.
"Uh yeah! I've tried to be supportive of Evan and Max because I genuinely think they're good guys but… I always knew it was just a matter of time till you would end up back in Cappie's arms, or more likely his bed", she shoots me an accusing look as she smirks. "And I used to think it was a bad thing, that you would never move on to someone who deserved you. But now… well now it just seems to me like you've tried to fight it long enough and if it's not obvious already it's not exactly working".
She gestures down to my belly with a laugh.
"Yeah I know", I can't help how I laugh slightly. "So what do I do?"
"Well maybe start by making up with him?", She suggests.
"We're not even fighting", I sigh. "I think we're just more so feeling… awkward".
"So let him know how you feel", Ash suggests.
"Tell him that I love him?", I ask, fear taking over me.
"Well judging by your reaction...", She laughs. "That's a little too much for you right now. So… why don't you just, I don't know, show him that you care about him right now? Because right now Case, you basically just used him for sex and then ran out of there".
I put my hands over my face in embarrassment then as we laugh.
"Ugh god I'm no better than a guy", I joke.
"Exactly", Ash giggles.
"Okay", I nod to myself, getting up the courage. "Well I have to go make things right then".
I feel determined now.
"Uh yeah", Ash gives me a look like it's obvious. "And just promise me that you'll tell him eventually".
"Tell him what?", I sling my purse over my shoulder, playing dumb.
"You know what missy", Ash isn't having it. "I'm not pushing you right now because I know you have a lot going on with the baby and maybe you want her to come into the equation before you take that step with Cappie but you should tell him eventually".
"I know", I admit and touch my stomach, thinking about the fact that soon she's gonna be here and I still haven't have told Cap that I love him.
"Pretty nice though", Ash smiles then. "That she's gonna have parents that actually love each other".
"Yeah", I can't help how I smile to myself then. "When I found out that day last Spring I didn't think I would get this lucky".
"Yeah I know. But sometimes things work out. And even back then I knew that if Cappie could get it together and step up for you guys that you two would make it work", Ash says.
"Well", I sigh. "Then I've got to go make sure that he doesn't give up on me yet".
Ash pulls me in for a hug then as we both stand up.
"He won't", She says softly, giving me a smile as we part.
"Cappie!", I call as I open the door to our apartment.
I had really hauled it up here, the elevator was taking forever so I'd just taken the stairs, which had now left me huffing out, my hands on my knees as I feel tired and slightly dizzy from running.
He doesn't answer me so I look around the apartment to not see him anywhere.
I sit down on the couch to regain my strength, pulling out my phone to text him.
Casey: Hey I just got home. Where are you?
Cappie: Hey I just went to my class. Are you okay?
I slap myself mentally. Of course, I knew his class schedule, it had just escaped my mind somehow.
Casey: Sorry, I remember now. No, I'm good. Just… have to talk to you about something.
Cappie: That sounds ominous.
Casey: It's not I promise.
Cappie: If we were dating I would think that you're about to break up with me Case.
Casey: Ha-ha. No, it's nothing like that. Can I come see you after your class?
Cappie: Of course. How about I take you for hot chocolate?
I smile to myself then. Sometimes I didn't think I deserved Cappie.
I could run out on him, essentially reject him out of my own fears, and yet still here he was willing to keep giving me chance after chance.
Casey: Okay I'd like that. I'll see you outside the building at 4
Cappie: Okay but dress warm okay? If I'm late or anything come inside the building to wait. It's pretty cold out.
My smile only intensifies then. I knew it was cold out after just coming back from Ash's. It made me happy to know that he cared so much about me and the baby keeping warm.
Casey: I will, I promise. See you soon
Cappie: Okay see you soon. As long as I don't have a heart attack over theorizing what it is you have to talk to me about.
I can picture his smirk as he types that text.
Casey: Have fun going crazy!
I decide to be cheeky and leave him with that, turning off my phone and realizing I only had two hours to figure out how I was going to show Cappie I cared about him. And since hooking up was our typical way to show our feelings, I would have to come up with something else.
I wait outside the building for him, I'd only been here for about 5 minutes, bundled up in a grey coat that would barely button up in the middle because of my bump, and a pink scarf and mittens.
Finally I see people start to come out as I look around for him.
Eventually I see him, unable to be missed by the way he saunters over to me, head down with a smile. Black jeans, black coat and gloves, his book bag slung over his shoulder.
"Case", He greets me with a smile and a nod, his eyes glistening, his breath showing in the cold air as he speaks.
"Hi", I say shyly.
He looks really handsome to me right now. Signature Cappie smirk plastered on. Scruffy curls framing his face, but looking older, more mature than he had just last year.
"You wanna go get warm somewhere?", He gestures for us to walk.
I nod as we walk alongside each other.
I'm wearing Uggs right now, since they kept my feet warm, and they were one of the only things I could comfortably wear lately. But the loss of my heeled boots meant that I was significantly shorter next to him.
We go to the Espresso Farm which had indoor seating in the Winter time.
I grab a table while Cappie goes to get our drinks. Him a coffee, the way he liked it, one sugar, a dash of cream. Which I had always told him was far too close to black for me. And for me, a hot chocolate, since I wasn't having coffee right now.
He sets it down beside me as I thank him and he sits down across from me.
"So this thing you have to talk to me about? Are you pregnant with a second baby now?", He jokes with me, giving me a grin.
I roll my eyes at him with a laugh.
"It's… more so something I want to show you", I explain.
He looks at me slightly confused then.
"It's…", I sigh and get brave then. "It's something I want to show you because of last night".
He sobers up his expression then, becoming serious, sitting upright.
"Case what I wanted to say this morning is that I'm not mad about last night", he assures me.
"It's okay if you are", I say quietly. "Because I know that I'm probably pretty… confusing. And I don't want to be that way".
"It's fine", He shakes his head and extends his hand to mine across the table. "I know you have a lot going through your mind right now".
I let my expression soften then as I feel his hand on mine.
Then I pull my hand away to touch my stomach with a laugh.
"What? What's going on?"
"She's um… I'm pretty sure she's hiccuping", I giggle. "Dr. Goldsmith said that she might do that and so I looked it up on the mom forums to try to see how it would feel. And I think she's doing it right now".
Cappie's face turns into a smile then as he looks down at my stomach which is bursting between two buttons on my coat.
"That's so cool", he laughs, awestruck. "What does it feel like?"
"Like…", I think to myself. "Like a steady rhythm of someone snapping their fingers inside my belly".
"It's so cool when she does new stuff like that", Cappie smiles looking at me with my hand on my belly. "And the fact that you and I made something that can hiccup… blows my mind".
"I know right", I laugh with a smile.
"I uh… told my professors today about the baby. I told them I needed to have my phone with me during exams in two weeks just in case you go into labour", Cappie tells me.
"That's a good idea, thanks Cap", I smile, kind of surprised he'd actually thought of something like that. "Although I think she'll have to cook a little longer".
"Yeah let's hope she makes it to January", He smiles. "So… this thing you want to show me? Is it along the lines of what you wanted to show me when I got home from work last night?"
He smirks at me as he speaks.
"No", I laugh. "It's a place".
"A place", he repeats my words and thinks them over in his mind.
"Let's go now", I stand up and put my hand out to grab his.
"Okay", He nods with a soft smile.
"So you're bringing me to my old dorm room?", Cappie laughs as I drag him into Headon Hall.
"Yep!", I continue down the halls even with his resistance.
"I feel kinda weird being here as a 23 year old Case", Cap laughs slightly as we finally reach the exact hall of dorms he and Evan had had their room in and I look around at the doors, surprised that I'm having a hard time remembering which one was his.
"It was this one Case", He reads my mind, giving me a grin. "208".
"Right", I nod up and down. "Pregnancy brain".
He's amused every time in the past month or so when I can't exactly remember what the hell I'm doing.
"So…", I begin, taking a deep breath in. "I'm sort of taking a page out of your book, so I apologize for not being very original but… I'm bringing you here because just like that convenience store is where you realized that you were in love with me…"
I gesture to the door as he looks at me, intrigued.
"This right here is where I fell in love with you", I finish my sentence, gesturing to the door. "4 and a half years ago".
His serious expression turns into a smile then as his eyes go glassy.
"Case…", He smiles.
"It was on winter break, when I'd come here to surprise you", I remind him. "And it was my first time. And I thought that I might love you before that but… by the end of that weekend I knew I did".
He blushes at me then, his dimples showing.
"That was almost 4 years ago exactly", I smile. "And now we're standing here all these years later with our baby hiccuping in my belly".
We both laugh then as Cappie looks at me longingly, a warmth in his smile.
He moves closer to me as he takes my hands into his.
"I guess what I'm trying to say", I sigh then. "What I think I'm trying to say… is that I'm sorry that I have trouble expressing how I feel sometimes, and that I get so scared…"
"Case it's okay", he assures me.
"No it's not. I want you to know that it's not a coincidence that we're standing here together, not a coincidence that we're gonna have a baby, that we always find our way back to each other", I smile sheepishly at him then, not used to coming clean with him like this. "And I know that we always will".
He smiles then, pulling me into him, my face against his chest as I sigh against his familiar feel, familiar scent. Familiar and safe.
"Ugh get a room!", I hear behind me, because of course, we're in a dorm with a bunch of 18 year old guys.
"Yeah let's get out of here", I laugh and grab his hand, pulling him down the hall as fast as I'd brought him in here.