Dean had her simple woolen grey skirt bunched in her right hand in order to keep it from wrapping around her legs as she balanced across two planks that served as benches on the wooden boat. They were out in the middle of the man made lake, her training habit discarded on the floor of the boat, the white stained brown from being trampled on by the children who also occupied the very small vessel. On the other end of the boat, holding up a small stick for a 'dagger' was a little girl wearing a similar outfit to Dean, just shorter and with leggings underneath. Her red hair was tied up in pigtales and she wore a big grin across her chubby face.
"Alright, you scurvy rats!" Dean bellowed, waving her own large stick in their direction. There were a cluster of boys near the girl, all shouting at her, demanding her death. A couple of the older boys were playing as her pirate comrades, waving their sticks at the others menacingly and cheering on the older girl. "Prepare to meet thy doom, Peter Pan!"
"No, you!" shouted the little girl, or 'Peter Pan' as she was being known as for the time being. The girl ran forward unexpectedly, and the boat rocked, throwing the girl off balance. Dean quickly adjusted her footing, waving her arms so that she didn't fall into the lake, and made to move towards the girl so that she didn't fall in. The female Peter Pan thrust her 'knife' forward, meeting Dean's 'sword' with a dull clunk of wood on wood.
"Hook! Hook! Hook!" Cried the pirates, cheering their 'captain' on.
"Well, don't just stand there, lads! Dispose of those Lost Boys, NOW!" Yelled Dean and the 'Pirates carefully surged forward. Dean had to leap to the floor of the boat to stop from toppling over, thought the boat still rocked. Water splashed over the sides, but everyone was laughing and having fun. The girl, Ally, called Dean a 'stinky codfish' which set everyone into fits of laughter as Dean pretended to be mortally offended.
Suddenly, her 'pirates' turned tail and betrayed her! They turned their swords on their captain, and caught her off guard. "Blast!" she curses, "A mutiny!"
They decided to rush her, now, with Peter Pan leading the resistance and the boat capsized finally, sending them all careening into the shallow water. The water around them was disrupted, the children splashing and the air was filled with more laughter as everyone broke the surface. Dean had swam over as soon as she had orientated herself, wrapping her arm around Ally who had yet to learn how to swim and keeping her head over the water.
"Alright, alright, you brats, back to shore you get," Dean laughed and waved them towards the shore about a yard away. The lake was not very big, and not very deep, and so she had the confidence that under her watchful eye, everything would be fine. However, when she made it to shore herself, she saw the angry marching of one of the matron nuns approaching them. Feeling her cheeks heat indignantly, she just knew she was in for a scolding.
"Sister Dejanna, what were you thinking?" Hissed Sister Mary Constance. The children quickly stood in a height line, from eldest to youngest, hugging themselves, dripping and shivering. Dean slowly exited the water and placed Ally down on the ground, where the little girl quickly went and stood at attention with the rest of the orphaned children.
"It was just a bit of fun, Sister," replied Dean who was determined to stand her ground.
"Fun? They could have drowned! How irresponsible! And where is your habit?"
Dean looked back at the lake, embarrassment the reason her cheeks turn pink this time. While usually the nuns were not required to wear such garments anymore, while she was working with the children it had become a sort of uniform. She'd yet to take her vows, and so her white head dressing was removable, exposing her dark hair to the sun. It now was no doubt floating in the middle of the lake somewhere, if it hadn't sunk to the bottom.
"Ah, I see. Blatant disrespect to your religious garments as well. We'll have a long talk about that on our way to Mother Superior's office. Children," she snapped, trying and failing to soften her glare as she turned to the shivering orphans. "Go inside and change, it is nearly time for supper."
The children took off at once, sending back pitying looks toward their favorite caretaker. Dean sent a reassuring smile back towards them, which melted to one of worry as she followed after Sister Mary Constance. "Why are we going to Mother Superiors? I'm sorry, sister, I really didn't mean any harm. We'd finished with our lessons, and Ally wanted a turn at being Peter Pan."
"And so you take them out onto the lake? The girl can't even swim!"
She was thoroughly scolded the entire long walk into the church, and Mary Constance only stopped squawking when they'd crossed through the Abby. But as soon as they exited through the double doors to tread down a long narrow hallway, she started up again. Dean tuned her out, used to being reprimanded. She'd been here for years, since her parents had died when she'd been seven years old, but she'd never fit in. She was always getting into trouble; singing when she should be silent, slurping her soup when she knew it was rude, forgetting to read her scriptures ahead, and sneaking out of her room at night for ice cream.
She wasn't even sure she believed in God, or the Devil, or angels and demons. She supposed there must be a God, or else her surrogate family had devoted their entire lives to nothing. Religion wasn't her favorite thing, but she could not blame anyone for needing to put faith in a higher power. She'd seen what fear could do to people.
They stopped at a linen closet where Mary Constance tossed her a course white towel to dry herself with. It did little, and she knew she'd be the one to clean the floors she'd already dripped on later. But that's how she found herself in Mother Superiors office, towel drying her long hair and sheepishly staring at her damp booted feet. She could feel Mother Superior's judgmental but exhausted gaze upon her as the door clicked closed as Mary Constance left her to fend for herself.
"Sister Dejanna," started Mother Superior.
Dean leapt into action, flinging her towel to the floor as she brought herself to her knees, grasping the other woman's ringed hand in her own. "I'm sorry, Mother, I know what I did was foolish, but we were just playing. The children and I were having so much fun, and I was in full control of the situation! I will clean the floors, I'll say the evening prayers proper, I swear."
"Dean," Mother Superior said softly, pulling her hand from the girls and smoothing back her hair. "We do not swear in the house of God. Stand, I did not bring you hear to scold you."
Hearing her shortened name from the older woman shocked Dean. Everyone but the children insisted she be called by her full name until she took her vows. At which point she would be given her new name, one that would represent her 'marriage' to God. She was fine with that, she supposed. She'd never had any feelings for boys, never thought that she would. And she didn't have any real attachment to her given name. If anything, remembering her past was difficult and even painful. She got the feeling that it was best to just detach herself from it.
Even though she didn't feel particularly saint like, or have any connection to the church, she supposed it was better than having nothing. She was comfortable here. A minimalist life was not horrible, though it could often become boring. Looking up at Mother Superior, she felt more confused than anything else. They weren't kicking her out, were they? Had they finally grown tired of her rebellious nature?
The much older woman with the long face sat down in her chair with a long sigh, gesturing her narrow hand towards the wooden and leather chairs opposite her desk. Dean sat down cautiously, crossing her ankles to the side and folding her hands respectfully in her lap. "Forgive me for my curiosity, Mother, but then why am I here?"
"I have done a lot of thinking, Dean, about how you appear to be so unhappy here."
"I'm not unhappy," Dean interrupted, her eyes wide as fear caused her hands to spring apart and grip the arm rests. This was it! They were sending her away! "Please don't kick me out! This is my home!"
"I was not finished. You will always have a home here, should you need us. I am not turning you out, this is only temporary, my child. I have received a request from the Vatican to send one of my cloister to assist a Father Karras on an important errand for the church. I am choosing to send you, in the hopes that it will help you find your way back to our faith."
"Find my way back? Are you saying I am lost?"
"I am saying, Dean, that perhaps you are not as ready for this life as you must be in order to take your vows."
Dean sat quiet for a moment, feeling very put on the spot. It didn't sound like she were being given a choice, more like it was an order. This decision had already been made, and she was expected to obey. "How long will it take? And what am I supposed to be helping with?"
"I do not know, child. I was not given the details, as they were confidential even to myself. However, Father Karras will be here to collect you tomorrow afternoon. Do be ready on time."
Dean was dismissed, her head swimming with questions and her stomach leaden with worry. She hadn't left these walls since she'd arrived. She had no idea what the outside world was like, or what was waiting for her. She didn't know how much help she was going to be, when she could barely remember her scriptures. She went back to her room and skipped supper, instead choosing to kneel at her simple twin sized bed and fold her hands around a rosary to say a prayer just as she did every night before climbing into bed...just in case.