Episode 36:

An Icy Soul and Super Speed?
The Secret of the Kaiō-Ken

FEATURING THE VOICES OF:

JOHN BURGMEIER as Ranma/MEREDITH McCOY as Ranko
JUSTIN COOK as Kenma
JOHN SWASEY as Genma
CAITLIN GLASS as Ukyo
LINDA YOUNG as Cologne
KARA EDWARDS as Akane
SEAN SCHEMMEL as Ryoga
CHERAMI LEIGH as Kasumi
ERIC VALE as Jinn
CYNTHIA CRANZ as Nodoka
LAURIE STEELE as Atsuko
COLLEEN CLINKENBEARD as Tsubasa
and VIC MIGNOGNA as Akimitsu

The next morning, Akane didn't hear any of the usual noises. She didn't hear Ranma getting up for the day, or him fighting with Genma over breakfast. Heck, she didn't hear Kenma try to sneak out of Nabiki's room early in the morning.

As one would tell you, they were NOT subtle with their "activities".

It was only when she came down for breakfast when she heard the news.

"Ranma, Ranko and Kenma are gone!" Kasumi exclaimed.

"Huh?" Genma asked. "What do you mean?!"

"Come with me!" Kasumi said as she led the others upstairs. When they got into the bedroom, they found it totally empty!

"THEY'RE GONE?!" everyone else exclaimed.

Nodoka collapsed to her knees. "NOT MY SWEET BABY BOYS!" she bawled.

"They must've packed last night…" said Kasumi, as Atsuko tried to comfort her sister.

As Nabiki searched the room, she found a piece of paper. "Hey, guys, it's a note," she pointed out.

She unfolded it, and everyone gathered around as she read it.

I'm hitting the road for a while until I can get my power back, and I'm taking Kenma with me. Unless I can reclaim my strength, I'm no good to anyone, and the last thing I need is your pity…or a miserable death against idiots like Kuno or Ryoga.

Don't tell Pop, because chances are he'll just come along and suggest something stupid like bowing and scraping to that decrepit old fossil, and if I had to choose between that and seppuku, then hand over the sword. I might be a weakling, but I still have my dignity.

Don't bother looking for us—maybe we'll come back. And if we don't? Then tell Mom I'm sorry I couldn't be good enough.

See you when I see you, Ranma Saotome

P.S.: Kenma sends his regards to Nabiki. Included are a series of detailed instructions—
I'm not going to write all that, dude; my hand is cramping up as it is. Either write your own letter or don't.

Fine, I will.

Good, it's my paper.
Anyways, T.T.F.N., from Ranma, Kenma, and Ranko

PPS: Kenma says, "Nabiki, check your bedroom. I left my letter there".

"Did he literally write the argument down in his letter?" Jinn asked, baffled by that additional information on the bottom.

"Yeah, see?" Nabiki asked as she showed the letter to the genie. That being done, she went to find the aforementioned letter.

"OH, THAT SON OF MINE!" Genma howled, raising his arms skyward.

"You have two," Atsuko retorted dryly.

Genma waved her off. "Yeah, yeah, two sons, whatever," he scoffed. "Anyways, we've got to go up there and help him train! Myself as his father, and Akane as his fianceé!"

Nabiki came back into the room with Kenma's letter. "No go, Mr. Saotome," she said. "Kenma's letter explicitly forbids you and 'your fat ass' from coming into those woods, because you'll just ruin everything like always."

"I am not fat!" Genma protested. "I'm just a little puffy."

"Suuuure," Nabiki and Akane remarked dryly.

"Wherever they are, I just hope they're alright." Nodoka said, wiping her tears.

"You and me both, little sis," Atsuko responded.

Happosai, however, scoffed and left the room.

"Training, schmaining; no amount could prepare them to get the drop on me," he remarked. "The way I see it, they just chickened out and took off with their tails between their legs until they found a new way to beg me for forgiveness."

Little did the old goat know, he couldn't have been more incorrect in his assumption.

OUT IN THE WOODS…

Kenma was dodging and darting around as Ranma delivered blow after blow at him, while Ukyo was watching.

"Don't just see with your eyes!" Kenma instructed as he used his staff to block each blow. "Feel my ki out, then strike where you sense me! Only then will you be ready for the secret techniques!"

"I'm doin' the best I can, Ken!" Ranma said as he kept at it.

"Well, your best isn't good enough!" Kenma said as he smacked Ranma in the left shoulder. "The fact that you had your guard down was what allowed the old crotch goblin to hit you with that moxibustion-whammy to start with!"

"I didn't think he'd do that to me!" protested Ranma.

"Regardless, you need to always be on guard!" Kenma said. "When you're the best, everyone and their grandma is itching for a shot at you!"

As Ranma dodged a sweeping kick, he got another THWACK in the head.

"We're on a time crunch, so I'll have to teach you those special techniques I mentioned quickly and hope you get the hang of them," said Kenma.

"I think we've got a long way to go." Ranko said to Ukyo.

"No kidding," commented Ukyo. "...hey, do you hear footsteps?"

"Oh crud! Maybe it's Ryoga again!" Tsubasa said as he stood up, ready for a confrontation.

There was also some very audible panting. "Ugh! So many steps!"

"Oh, dammit, don't tell me he's here!" Kenma facepalmed. "He'll ruin everything!"

The mysterious hikers turned out to be Akane and Genma.

"So this is where you guys were." Akane said as she took off her backpack.

"And I see you can't be bothered to follow the SIMPLEST INSTRUCTIONS!" Kenma shouted, before pointing at Genma. "WHAT IS THIS LUMBERING OAF DOING HERE?!"

"I'm sorry, Kenma. But he was just so pushy!" the tomboy explained.

Kenma pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Ugh…unbelievable," he groused.

Everyone else just collectively facepalmed.

"...alright, let's get back to work. Just because our idiot father has come snooping about, it's not an excuse to put everything on pause," Kenma instructed.

"Right! Let's keep going!" Ranma said as he got back into his stance.

Up in a nearby tree, Cologne watched in silence and great interest.

Alright, son-in-law…let's just see what you have to teach your brother.

After a couple of hours passed, the boys were still going at it with not much visual progress being made.

"Well, I can see that this is going absolutely nowhere." Genma commented while watching.

"And I suppose you have a better idea, old man?" Ukyo asked, already tired of his nonsense.

"As a matter of fact, I do!" Genma confidently stated.

"Can't wait to see what it is this time," Akane said dryly.

"Eh, it ought to be good for a laugh." Ranko chimed in.

"Boys, I've got an idea!" The Saotome patriarch loudly announced.

"Huh. I guess that explains the burning smell," Kenma snarked. "Your brain must be frying!"

"That implies he had a brain left to fry," Ranma added, getting some assorted chuckles from the others.

"Just shut up and listen!" Genma declared. "I'm about to display a secret technique of my own, The Crouch of the Fallen Tiger!"

Kenma tilted his head, but retained a look of mild disinterest.

"Crouch of the Fallen Tiger…?" Ranma questioned.

"That's right, the Crouch of the Fallen Tiger," The fatter man clarified. "Now, assume the position and get on your knees…then place your hands on the ground…and GO!"

To nobody's surprise, Genma started bowing and pleading. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I learned this technique from witnessing a tiger that fell from a cliff—"

KA-WHOOM!

"PUT A FANCY NAME ON IT, IT'S STILL BOWING AND SCRAPING!" Kenma shouted angrily as he stomped Genma's face into the dirt. "BETTER IDEA, MY LEFT FOOT!"

"WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED YOU CAME UP WITH A TECHNIQUE TO BEG AND PLEAD LIKE A BITCH?!" Ranma yelled at his father, infuriated at such a pathetic display.

"Crap like THIS is why I didn't want him here," Kenma groused. "If he's not going to help, then he may as well just sod right off!"

Akane was feeling very stupid for bringing Genma along...and she had every right to.

"Nice to see you getting proactive, son-in-law," called Cologne as she hopped to the ground.

"Huh? What are you doin' here, Granny?" asked Ranma.

"Simply checking in, and trying to offer a hand," explained Cologne. "After all, you're related to son-in-law, and I wouldn't be much of an ally if I didn't offer my assistance."

"Well, I'm already trying to teach him two techniques, but whatever you have in store can't be more useless than the 'Crouch of the Fallen Tiger'," said Kenma.

"It was worth a shot…" insisted Genma.

"It was WORTH NOTHING!" Cologne snapped as she hit the oaf over the head with her walking stick. "Like Kenma said, you're no help!"

"Alright, what did ya have in mind?" Ranma asked, genuinely curious.

"It's called the Hiryu Shoten-Ha, or rather the Heavenly Dragon Blast." the amazon elder stated.

Ranma and Kenma raised a brow, along with Akane and the others.

"So how does someone do such a technique?" asked Ukyo.

"It'd be better if I showed you," Cologne replied.

"Okay, but can we put a pin in that?" asked Kenma. "I already have two techniques I really wanted to teach him."

"I suppose so, considering you did get here first." the old woman relented.

"Awesome," Kenma grinned as he made sure there was a decent amount of space between himself and the others. He took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly, taking in his surroundings.

Finally, he clenched his fists. "KAIO-KEN, TIMES TWO!" he bellowed. As he began to grunt, his body was gradually engulfed in a fiery red aura.

"Whoa…!" His brother exclaimed while shielding his eyes from the harsh light.

Akane, Ranko, Tsubasa and Ukyo were astonished. But Genma's jaw had hit the floor.

Mother of Kami! I knew he was tough but…I didn't think he had this sort of power at his disposal!

"W-when did you learn this?" asked Akane.

"Six…months ago!" Kenma grunted as he channeled the energy into his fists, and made his way over to a nearby boulder.

"ROASTED CHESTNUT FIST!" he exclaimed as he started punching the boulder. When it was done, the boulder had been broken into pebbles! "That one, I improvised!"

Genma looked bewildered. Looks like the Master might have more than a few surprises waiting when they get back…

"OK, so how do I do that?" asked Ranma.

"I can at least teach you to use the Kaio-Ken, the Fist of the Lord-of-Worlds, or Fist of the World King, for short," explained Kenma. "See, it's when you control all the ki in your body, and amplify it for a heartbeat. If you get it right, your power, and speed, and everything just SHOOT RIGHT UP! It's like you become a sort of super-self."

"Well, then hurry and teach him, so he can teach Happosai a lesson!" exclaimed Ukyo.

"Hold your horses there," said Kenma. "There's a little drawback, y'see. If the Kaio-Ken is overused, or if you go beyond times-two, then you'll experience some mondo recoil. All that ki flowing inside could easily rip you apart, and even when kept under proper control, it still causes major muscle spasms, pain and weakness after prolonged use."

"Sheesh! So many conditions!" Ranma commented. "But I'm willing to learn."

"Good," Kenma nodded. "Because that's technique #1! I've got one more in the proverbial pocket for ya!"

"What's the next one?" Ranma asked excitedly.

Kenma smiled, and put his hands out. "The Genki-Dama," he said as he began to concentrate, once again taking in the serenity of nature. The trees rustled, as did the grass as the wind whistled through them, tickling them.

Before Genma could chime in with another useless comment, Kenma's body began to glow, radiating a bright aura.

The land…the oceans…the sky…I beg of you, all living things on this planet—give me just a little of your energy…

As he concentrated, the aura began to relocate into his right fist.

"Alright…now, I need a target! Something to throw this baby at!" Kenma exclaimed.

Everyone looked at Genma.

"Works for me!" Kenma said, winding his fist back. "By the way, this thing hones in on the evil energy in the target's heart!"

"Wait, WHAT?!" Genma blurted.

"BANZAI!" Kenma exclaimed as he thrust his hand forth, shooting a gleaming white energy sphere. Genma scrambled to his feet and made a run for it, but the blast followed him like a heat-seeking missile.

Moments later, Genma was sent careening into the air until he was engulfed by the Genki-Dama, which seemed to twist and contort him as he screamed in pain, before it carried him further into the sky.

"Direct hit!" Ranko shouted.

Far above their heads, the Genki-Dama dispersed, and Genma plummeted back towards the ground, battered, bruised, and lightly steamed.

"Haha! That was great!" Ranma said, ecstatic.

"Might take some time for you to figure that out, but once you get the energy gathering thing down, you should be good to go," said Kenma.

"I'm ready to learn right now!" exclaimed Ranma, his eyes wide.

"And you will," Kenma replied. "But first, we gotta get some food in our bellies. I don't think I've eaten since I came out here, and I've got a headache."

"Did someone say food?" Ukyo called out as she started whipping up some fresh okonomiyaki in front of everyone.

And so, the group enjoyed a hearty lunch afterwards.

At that very moment, Ryoga had been hiking for a while until he finally spotted the campsite.

There it is—just like Akane described it, the Yomogi Gorge! he thought, remembering how Akane had told Wilbur she was going off to look for Ranma and Kenma, and then taken off, with Genma following close behind.

So he had been walking aimlessly for several hours, until he sensed a sudden upshoot in ki, which he recognized as Kenma's.

Meanwhile, Cologne was in the middle of demonstrating the technique that she had brought to the table.

"Alright, Ranma. I want you to run and try to hit me as hard as you can." she explained while balancing on her walking stick.

Ranma looked her up and down. "Well…alright, then," he replied as he started into an assault, of which the tiny old woman deftly darted and dodged each punch, kick, knee, and elbow.

Little did Ranma know, he was playing right into Cologne's hands by following her in the shape of a spiral.

"Hiryu Shoten-Ha!" the elderly woman shouted as she lifted her fist and expelled a massive blast of energy that sent the ponytailed boy flying into the air.

"Gyaaaahhhh!" he cried while he was launched upwards, only to start falling back down to the ground.

"Uh-oh! We better catch him before he falls!" Tsubasa said as he grabbed the tarp off of one of the tents and rushed to Ranma's aid, with the others following behind.

"We gotcha! We gotcha!" Kenma called as they ran around with the tarp.

"Everybody grab one side and pull!" Cologne instructed.

"Grabbing!" Ranko said as she pulled her end of the tarp out.

As Ranma fell, he landed in the middle of the tarp, and rolled to Ukyo's side.

"Did it hurt?" the tomboy chef asked.

"Did what hurt?" Ranma asked.

Ukyo smiled. "When you fell from Heaven."

Akane rolled her eyes. "That is so corny," she remarked.

"That's how you know it's love, kiddo," Cologne commented. "The cornier, the better."

"Besides, you'd probably be a blushing schoolgirl if Aki said something like that to you," Ranko teased as that made Akane blush brighter red.

Damnit…she's right, Akane thought.

"So that's the power of the Heavenly Dragon Blast!" Ranma gasped, exhilarated. "All these new techniques…I'll have 'em down pat in three days flat!"

"Try not to get too excited," said Kenma. "Chances are, it could be tougher than you think."

"I'm more than willing to take those chances!" replied Ranma, his tone firm.

AND SO, A LITTLE WHILE LATER…

"It matters not HOW you attack, only that you NEVER step off the spiral line, Ranma," explained Cologne. "No matter what. Press your shoes in the chalk over there…" she pointed to a box full of chalk dust. "And do not stop until your footsteps follow the spiral exactly."

"So the name of the game is 'keeping your cool'," Kenma added. "No matter what, don't stray from the spiral path!"

"I must warn you, Ranma; this training will be rigorous," said Cologne. "You must not allow ANYTHING to draw your attention!"

"Hey, I'm not backing out now!" Ranma replied. "Just bring it on, and I'll deal with it!"

"Right then…" Cologne nodded. "Hajime!"

And so, Ukyo, Akane, and Genma began their attack.

"Hope you'll forgive me, son…but I DO THIS FOR YOUR SAKE!" Genma exclaimed, before he reached into his shirt and pulled out…an old photo!

"Ranma, age 7, after he wet the bed!" The photo showed a tiny, naked Ranma bawling his eyes out next to a stained futon hanging on a clothes wire.

"HEY!" Ranma screamed as he swiped at Genma, trying to snatch the photo away. "Alright, who's the wiseguy who gave you THAT?!"

Genma tossed the photo away so that it ended up in the hands of Akane and Ukyo; Akane burst out laughing, while Ukyo tried to stifle hers.

"Humiliating Photo-Fu Number 2, a more recent example~!" Genma continued as he showed off a picture of Ranma jumping out of a container he'd been bathing in…while running from some cats…bare naked.

"Ukyo, look if you must," Genma said as he showed her the photo.

"MOVE YOUR THUMB, DAMN YOU!" Ukyo screamed; meanwhile, Ranma was utterly livid.

"YOU GIMME THOSE PHOTOS OR I'LL SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR LOUSY THROAT!" Ranma screeched, his eyes practically glowing like hot embers.

But then…

BONK!
BOP!
KLUNK!

"IMBECILE!" Cologne hissed after she clocked Ranma in the head. "Did you just happen to forget? Then let me remind you, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING A SPIRAL!"

Ranma turned and looked back…only to see that he had indeed strayed from the path he was supposed to be making.

"I'll try to be as clear as I can, so even YOU can figure it out," said Cologne. "You must not get angry, you must not get worked up, you must not get embarrassed. The key to the Hiryu-Shoten-Ha is having a soul of ice! If you cannot master the spiral with an icy heart, you cannot master the blast!"

"If that's what it takes, I'm willing to withstand any and all forms of embarrassment." the ponytailed boy said with conviction.

"Well said, boy!" Genma declared as he scampered to the top of a hill and pulled out a microphone. "LAST NIGHT, RANMA SAID IN HIS SLEEP, AKANE! I LOVE YOU!" he bellowed at the top of his lungs.

"Where does he keep getting those microphones?" Kenma asked as he'd seen this happen too much since coming to Nerima.

"Your guess is as good as mine," said Cologne.

"Hey! That's not true!" Akane shouted.

"THAT'S A DIRTY LIE, AND YOU KNOW IT!" Ranma screamed.

"Soul of ice, Ranma!" warned Cologne.

Genma took this as an invitation to keep talking. "And then, he exclaimed, OH, AKANE! MAKE ME YOUR LOVE-SLAVE!" he bellowed.

By now, Ranma was gritting his teeth so hard that sparks were flying from them. It was taking a LOT of effort to not attempt to rip his father's head from his neck. His fists were clenched so hard that they nearly bled.

"I'll take a whack at it, Gran-in-law," Kenma said. "Ranma…you think Genma humiliating you is bad? Imagine how much worse it'll be if you can't beat Happosai. He'll humiliate you DAILY, then Kuno will whack you into the dirt with his stick, the principal will shave you bare, and then when you get turned into a girl, the old letch will be free to grope you as often as he pleases, because you won't have the strength needed to knock him flying!"

As frustrating as it was, his brother was right. At that moment, Ranma took a deep breath and unclenched his fists.

"...fair enough," Cologne responded. "I suppose I owe you there."

"Fine then," said Ranma. "Let's get this show on the road."

THE VERY NEXT DAY…

Ranma was covered in sweat, and the area was littered with broken rocks. But of course, there WAS a fully-formed spiral ready!

"I…I did it!" Ramna exclaimed, exhausted but happy.

"Not too bad," said Kenma. "You figured out the Hiryu-Shoten-Ha, the Kaio-Ken, AND the Genki-Dama. I'd say it's a triple-header of awesomeness!"

"Now all we have to do is put them all into practice," said Ranma as he fell backwards.

"Then the rest of you will need to leave," said Cologne.

"What?" asked Akane. "We can still help!"

"Can you honestly attack Ranma without holding back?" asked Cologne. "And you, Ranma—can you find it in your heart to unleash the Hiryu-Shoten-Ha on these people?"

"I-I can't!" the tomboy admitted.

"And I couldn't risk putting any of you in danger." the elder Saotome brother stated.

"Maybe I could help you out." said a familiar voice, coming from the top of a nearby rock formation.

Cue Vegeta Theme by Shunsuke Kikuchi

"RYOGA!" exclaimed everyone.

"I told you we'd meet again, didn't I?" asked the lost boy. "Guess you must've forgotten."

This time, even Akane could sense there was something different about Ryoga. His aura seemed a bit…darker.

"But more to the point, you said you needed someone who could fight Ranma without holding back. It just so happens that I'm the man for the job."

"Is that right, then?" asked Kenma.

"Yep!" the lost boy said with a malicious looking smirk.

"Fine, but don't lose your nerve!" Kenma declared. "If you can't put your full power into fighting Ranma, then don't bother sticking around."

"You don't have to worry about that, Kenma," Ryoga stated. "I don't intend to hold back."

Kenma simply crossed his arms in silence.

SHORTLY AFTERWARDS…

Ranma and Ryoga were situated atop a large flat rock in a hot spring...and Ranma was wearing an odd-looking harness that went all over his body from the neck down.

"Now, remember…if the harness picks up any anger-induced heat from you, it'll clamp down, restricting your motion and turning you into Ryoga's personal bop bag," explained Cologne.

"Don't get angry or I'll be frozen in place. Got it." Ranma nodded.

"Ready? Set!" Kenma exclaimed. "...BEGIN!"

And so, Ryoga started attacking Ranma, who was gradually leading him in a spiral formation.

"Alright…" Kenma murmured as he watched the two go at it. "So far, so good."

Ranma seemed to be doing a lot of dodging and darting while moving in reverse, and Ryoga was at least doing most of the attacking…at least, that's how it looked.

Is he even trying? Ranma thought while effortlessly dodging Ryoga's rather half-hearted strikes.

"WHOA! Stop! Cut, cut, cut!" Kenma said as he climbed onto the platform.

"What was wrong THAT time?!" Ranma exclaimed.

"Nothing from you, Ranma, you were splendid!" Kenma said. "You were dynamite, magnificent, terrific even! It's Ryoga here! He keeps messing up! He said he wasn't gonna hold back, but HE WAS LYING!"

"I still can't do it," said Ryoga with a sigh. "It's just not as fun when you can't fight back, Ranma."

"Are you kidding me?" Ranma yelled in disbelief. "The one time you get an all-expenses-paid pass to kick my ass, and you wuss out? The hell is wrong with you?!"

Any other time, I'd be fired up to throttle Ranma, thought Ryoga. But this time, his angry shouts feel like a chained-up dog barking from behind a fence…with its tail between its legs…

"I'm sorry, Ranma…I'm just too nice a guy to beat you up!" Ryoga said. "Go ahead, laugh if you want!"

"I'm not in a laughing mood," said Kenma as he squeezed Ryoga by the neck. "SO HOW'S ABOUT I CHOKE YOUR WORTHLESS, STOOPID, EEDIOT ASS INSTEAD?!"

Ryoga choked something out, but it was incoherent while Kenma wrung his neck and screamed curses at him.

"WORTHLESS, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING WASTE OF FLESH! EEN-DOLENT EEM-BECILE! STUPID, PITIFUL, PORK-BRAINED TWIT!"

"If he's not gonna take this seriously, he can piss right off," Ranma hissed as he climbed off the rock and headed away.

"I'm gonna go with Ranma, try to help calm him down. Maybe lend an ear to listen to his problems," Akimitsu suggested as he followed Ranma.

"If you think that's a good idea, then sure," Kenma responded as he bashed Ryoga into the rocks.

"Probably shouldn't take too long." the young sportsman assured him as he went off after Ranma.

AT THAT VERY MOMENT…

Ranma was sitting by the side of the river, gazing sadly into the water as he absentmindedly skipped stones.

Ryoga's pitiful words echoed in his head. It's just not as fun when you can't fight back, Ranma…I'm just too nice a guy to beat you up!

"That lousy prick! He's got a lotta nerve, acting like a total nice-guy!" Ranma fumed as he swung his fist into the ground. "HOW DARE HE PATRONIZE ME!"

A second later, he leapt up, clutching his hand in pain. "YEOW! AGH! OOH! EE-YOW-EE-YOW-YOW!" he screamed, flailing his throbbing arm.

"Come to lick your non-existent wounds?" Aki asked while sitting nearby.

"Something like that." Ranma answered, still clutching his hand in pain. "What of it?"

"Nothing. I just thought you might want some company. Preferably one that you're on good terms with," Akimitsu stated.

"Sure, I don't mind that," responded Ranma.

"So...that whole moxibustion thing's really got you down, huh?" asked Aki.

"You have no idea," Ranma sighed at the revelation. "It's like a huge part of me was taken away and I can't do anything to gain it back like before. It would be like if someone took your sports skills away from you, Aki. I feel like less of a person without my strength. I still have the know-how, I just can't do anything with it…and it eats me up inside."

"I think I know what you mean, Ranma." the athlete stated. "I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I had my skills taken away."

"Exactly," sighed Ranma. "All the more reason I gotta get this Dragon Blast thing figured out. Plus, everyone will be able to beat me up otherwise. But how am I gonna get the move down if Ryoga's too chicken-shit to grow a spine and fight?"

"You said you needed heat, right?" asked Akane.

Ranma and Akimitsu turned to see her, only to freak out seeing that Akane LITERALLY lit herself on fire!

…more specifically, she was wearing some heat-resistant armlets on her arms that were on fire.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Ranma shouted as Aki freaked out.

"JESUS CHRIST, AKANE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" he screamed.

"If it's heat that you need, try THESE!" the tomboy declared, feeling pretty proud of herself. "Pretty smart of me, huh?"

"Oh, yeah, real smart…" said Ranma. "IF YOU WANNA QUALIFY FOR A DARWIN AWARD!"

"SHUT UP N' FIGHT!" Akane said as she swung a few times at Ranma…before the fire spread to her sleeves, and she immediately began screaming and flailing her arms around as her plan was going up in smoke.

Aki took out a fire extinguisher, and started spraying her.

"You know, there's a joke about Aki giving Akane a faceful of white stuff…but I think I'm more mature than that," Ranma smirked. [Good thing I'm NOT! —Kenma]

Eventually, the fire was out, but Akane's jacket was burnt to a cinder, leaving it torn.

"Okay, when Cologne was talking about heat, she meant the heated anger of an opponent…NOT LITERAL FIRE!" Akimitsu explained, before blushing seeing her top torn and her bra exposed.

"Well…it seemed like a good idea…" Akane mumbled.

"ON WHAT PLANET?!" Ranma shouted. "You almost got yourself turned into a briquette!"

Akane was about to cry before Ranma threw his shirt at her to cover herself up. "Look, just…go back to camp and maybe go home." Ranma told her.

"I was trying to help, you jerk!" Akane shouted back as she stood up.

"Help how? You really haven't done much to help me train to find a way to fix my Moxibustion problem!" Ranma shouted as he pointed to his bare back, as Akimitsu noticed something important.

"...uh, which moxibustion are we talking about? Because I see two on your back." Akimitsu pointed out to Ranma.

"The one that MATTERS!" Ranma retorted. "We'll worry about that other one later!"

Aki went over to Akane, and put his hand on her shoulder. "Akane…look, I respect that you wanted to help, but what you just did was crazy and reckless," he told her. "There's only one of you, and I don't wanna lose you, you know?"

"Aki…I…" the tomboy was at a loss for words and could only look deeply into her boyfriend's eyes.

However, before Akane and Akimitsu could even use this moment to kiss each other again…

"I think the screams came from here," Ryoga said as he came at the worst possible time to ruin such a moment between the couple.

"Ryoga!" Aki and Akane exclaimed.

The bandana-headed boy looked around. "Your clothes ripped apart…a maiden's tears…and covered in a white substance…" he mused.

Akane looked over herself, and quickly began waving her hands. "Ryoga! I swear, it's NOTHING like that, I promise!" she insisted.

"You don't have to explain yourself, Akane," replied Ryoga. "I've already figured it out, and I know who's responsible!"

His eyes focused on Ranma. "YOU ANIMAL! YOU HAD YOUR WAY WITH HER, DIDN'T YOU?!" he growled.

And then, he rounded on Akimitsu. "And you—you're supposed to PROTECT her!" he spat. "Akimitsu…have you no HONOR?!"

"Oh, so now you're going to preach to me, you big hypocrite?" asked Aki.

"SHUT UP!" Ryoga snarled, his tone much more bestial-sounding. "No more talk!...only death!"

"What the hell are you even talking about?! That's not—" Ranma started, before a light bulb went off in his head. And that's when inspiration struck. "...that's not even half of what we did!"

Aki looked at Ranma like he'd just caught whatever madness had possessed Ryoga. The ponytailed boy looked back at Aki with a wink.

Aki looked unsure, but he decided to go along with this.

"O-oh, yeah! We really ravaged her; heck, Ranma even told me to claim her innocence for myself!" Akimitsu dramatically declared.

"Say Ryoga, have you ever looked under Akane's shirt before?" Ranma asked. "Sure, her boobs are small, but she has got some very perky nipples."

"Yep! I can vouch for that!" Akimitsu agreed rather too quickly, making Akane blush. After all, that was a secret for the two of them. "Not to mention, she likes it when I twist them. Not like a purple-nurple, that's too rough. More like you're tuning a car radio, trying to find that perfect station. She lo-o-o-o-ves it."

"Keep talking," hissed Ryoga, his dark aura beginning to bubble up. ".̸̢̡̛̣̻̼͈̙̜̣͖̭͙̜̩͎͖̝̔͂̂̅͗̉̉̀͑̀̃̀̊͑̊͝.̸̗̜̤̾͐̐͝.̶̨̢̨̭̺̱̜̱̩͉̫͉̗̘̝̲̯̀͆̀̃́̅́̊̎́̏̊̌͠͝͝I̵̡̠͉͈̞͉̖̯͖̓̇͒̌͗ ̶̛̖̰̖̬̼̘̯͉͌̎͌D̸͔͍͔͕̱͕̯̈́̔͌̏̏̆̚͝Ą̸̡̛̜̰͓͖̣̼̪̠͇͉̪̘̱͎̉̒̇̔̈́̓̈͌̄̓͠ͅR̷͓̖͉̉̐̋̈̓̏̑͆̚͝͠E̴̢̛̲͈̙̰̞͓̜̖̖̜͇̮͈̖̪̋́̑̈́̆̀̓͜͝ ̴̠͂̀Y̴͔̤̙͖̳̜̆̾͂ͅŌ̶̱͖̩͐̋̃̃͜͜Ų̶̳̩͉̜̞͇̟͈̦̠̞̺̜̈̌̍̽͌̌ͅ.̶̛̪͍̥̜̲̪͛̉̉͗" [he said "...I DARE YOU." But in like a creepy, distorted-voice.]

"Not to mention, you know how I said Akane had the biggest hips in all Japan?" Ranma continued. "Well, turns out I'm INTO that! In some countries, that's a huge turn-on! Didja know in America, they can't get ENOUGH of the big-hipped girls? Like they say, the bigger the figure, the better I like her!" [Thanks, Louis Prima!]

"And you should've heard the things she said while we were gettin' it on!" the athlete said with a smug grin, before switching into an impression of Akane. "Oh, Ranma…Aki…I just wasn't satisfied by Ryoga's pitiful little garden snake. I need a big Boa Constrictor~! So we slithered on into her little burrow and made ourselves comfortable!"

And this was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, as Ryoga let out an eerie, inhuman roar. He immediately flung himself at Ranma to try and kill him on the spot.

"RANMA!" Akane shouted as she tried to stop Ryoga.

"No, Akane! This was the plan all along!" insisted Aki. "He needed fire in his competitor's heart, and now he's got it!"

"Really?" Akane asked as she started to see it for herself between Ranma and Ryoga. "Oh yeah…but you're not off the hook for talking about my nipples like that. I told you that in confidence!"

"Right…" Aki responded sheepishly. "Sorry, Akane. Is there any way I could make up for it, perhaps?"

"Well, I'll think of something later." she said. "Let's just see if Ranma survives this."

Ryoga had elbowed Ranma, sending him flying into a nearby rock, slumped over.

"Get up, Ranma…" he hissed. "Get up, SO YOU CAN DIE ON YOUR FEET LIKE A MAN!"

Ranma stood back and got ready to perform the steps. Come on, Ryoga! He thought as he narrowly dodged Ryoga's attacks.

At this point, everyone at the camp began to gather around to see the two boys going at it.

"I'm gonna make you suffer!" Ryoga roared. "Killing you now would just be TOO DAMN EASY! AND YOU DON'T DESERVE A QUICK DEATH!"

He then clawed Ranma on the cheek and kicked him in the stomach, knocking him back a few feet.

"Guh!" The ponytailed boy held his stomach in pain. I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew, he said to himself before ducking under another kick.

"Keep ahead of him, bro!" Kenma called. "Don't let him catch up, he's aimin' ta kill ya!"

"Gee! Ya really think so?" Ranma asked sarcastically.

"TURN AND FACE ME, DAMN YOU!" roared Ryoga, as Ranma limboed under another of his punches.

"Oh my god! He's killing him!" Ukyo said, fearful for her partner's life.

"No, Ukyo. Look at the waves of Ryoga's anger and the vortex that his battle aura is creating," said Cologne.

"That, and he's luring him into the spiral!" Kenma added. "He's got it in the bag!"

"Oh no!" Cologne nervously gulped.

"Ah, jeez! What's wrong?" Ranko asked, worried.

"I forgot to teach him the last step!" the amazon elder admitted.

"GAH!" exclaimed Kenma. "AND YOU REMEMBERED THAT JUST NOW?!"

"I'm 300 years old, things slip my memories, okay?!" Cologne shouted back.

Ranma kept on dodging, avoiding yet another punch. Almost there…what were those words Kenma said when he did the move? I think…I think…

And instinctively, he threw his hand up. "KAIO-KEN…TIMES THREE!" he exclaimed.

As Ryoga got a good look at him, he saw for the briefest of moments, Ranma, engulfed in a fiery aura, hair ignited in a fiery red-&-orange hue, and with golden glowing eyes.

And he screamed, as everything went dark.

Moments later, Ryoga's body crashed to the ground, charred golden-brown, and covered in bruises. It was safe to say that he wouldn't be getting up for a while.

And standing in the middle of the field was Ranma, his right fist raised and lightly smoking.

"The Heavenly Dragon Blast…" Akane muttered, awestruck.

"Looks like he figured it out on his own," Cologne noted.

"As well as the Kaio-ken," beamed Kenma. "That's my big brother for ya—a veritable polyglot of fighting!"

Genma slapped Ranma on the back with a hearty laugh. "That was incredible, boy!" he declared. "I had a feeling you'd be able to pull through, even in spite of the moxibustion I had the master slap on you!"

And then, everything became eerily quiet.

Kenma turned to face his father with a look that could pierce solid steel. "...what?" he asked.

"Well, I needed to do something to keep your egos under control," Genma responded. "You were acting like you were better than me."

"We were better than you," Ranma retorted.

"Then why, pray tell, was it so easy for the master to hex you?" Genma shot back. "I had hoped this would teach you the proper respect for your superiors, and then I would be able to convince the master to restore your strength. Then, with your power restored, you would marry Akane and fulfill your destiny as the next head of the Anything-Goes School of Martial Arts, while Tendo and I retired and enjoyed our lives reaping the benefits!"

He was cut off the second Kenma planted his fist right in his left cheek, sending him sprawling several feet.

"Shut…up," Kenma growled. "For once in your lousy life, just SHUT UP! I thought you were pitiful before…but now, I know just how pathetic you REALLY are!"

"You impudent little brat!" Genma shouted, clutching his now swollen cheek. "How DARE you talk that way to your father!"

"As far as I'm concerned, I don't HAVE a father!" Kenma said, drawing his staff out. "The fact you were so willing to cripple your firstborn son sickens me! And for everything you did these past 16 years, I intend to make you pay!"

Twirling his staff, he cracked Genma over the head, then in his stomach, next in the nose. And he vaulted over with his staff before delivering another punch to his teeth, and another in the nose, and another. He drew out his nunchuks and started bashing him in the head with them.

BONK!
KLUNK!
THWACK!
KLANG!

"I always was eager to try this move out," he said. "But now I'm especially eager to try it on YOU!"

Genma scrambled to his feet and tried to plead. "Now, now, boy, we can talk this out!" he insisted, his face stained with his own blood.

"NO, WE CAN'T! AND I'M SICK OF LISTENING TO YOU!" Kenma said as he drew his hands back. "KA! ME! HA! ME!..."

"KENMA, STOP!" Ranma shouted as he ran to his brother.

"Why SHOULD I?!" Kenma retorted. "He's been pulling this crap for years, and it's time he paid for it! It's PAST time for him to be held accountable for his actions!"

"True, but what good will it do you to waste your energy?" asked Ranma. "Blasting him away would be giving him way too much respect."

Surprisingly, Kenma stopped to listen to his brother.

"The way I see it, he doesn't deserve any kind of spectacular death. The kind of death he deserves is face-down, in some trash-strewn alley or gutter."

"...you know what, you're right," the younger Saotome brother relented. "I guess being disowned as a father is punishment enough. But I can still tell the others when we go home, right?"

"Of course. That'll be like rubbing salt in the wound," said Ranma. "Which is just what he deserves. In the meantime, time to pack up…so we can go back home."

Cue "Leo Returns" by Klaus Badelt, and go to 42 seconds into the song.

"Yeah!" Akimitsu beamed. "We're goin' home at last!"

"And not a moment too soon, either. Because I've got a major score to settle!" Ranma said with a burning passion.

"And we're with you all the way!" Tsubasa declared.

"So what are we waiting for?" asked Ukyo. "We better get going."

"You hear that, old man?" called Kenma. "The Saotome Brothers are comin' to getcha!"

"TEYANDEE!" exclaimed the group.

ON THE NEXT RANMA:

The team heads back home to Nerima, and they're ready to settle the score! But Happosai isn't so willing to get angry...looks like they'll have to draw the rage out of him some other way!

But then again, they've got two more moves to fall back on if the Dragon Blast doesn't work out!

Stay tuned for:
Ranma, Back in Action?!
The Genki-Dama/Kaio-Ken Double-Header!

Believe it or not, you won't wanna miss a minute of the action...so Read it, Review it, and we'll see you next time!

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

We apologize for the fact Tsubasa had so few lines this episode. He kinda fell by the wayside in this episode, so we'll try to do more with him when the next opportunity arises.

We are very proud of the nipples joke, that was one of the first ones we thought of when we planned this arc, and getting to put it on paper [in a sense] has to rank among some of our proudest moments.

And of course, Kenma beating the snot out of Genma. The original plan was to have him use different ki attacks to beat the tar out of him, but instead we decided to just have him use his fists and his staff...also his nunchuks. And yeah, we came up with the idea of Genma being the one to inspire Happosai to use the Moxibustion. He would be petty enough to try and weaken his sons so he could hold some form of dominance over them, because he's that much of a scumbag.

Anyways, please read, review [in plenty of detail, no short reviews, please], and we'll catch you next episode!