Disclaimer: None of the authors own Mass Effect or Sonic the Hedgehog.

Another one by Masterweaver.

APOCRYPHA: What is Science? – by Masterweaver

It had been a local month since Earth's formal first contact, and the theory that the planet was made by the gods to punish the arrogance of science was gaining traction among the Citadel research team.

"So." Threena cupped her head. "Wisps."

"Wisps," Naervins agreed. "And Wispons-"

"I don't. Want to talk about more Earth Tech. Can't we write up a codex entry about the Wisps without mentioning the magic guntools?"

Naervins sighed, his eyelids flickering once. "First of all, Wispons are not technically magic as defined by the locals-"

"They have some real arbitrary dividing lines there!"

"-and secondly, every breed of Wisp has a dedicated Wispon model, as far as I can tell. Well, almost every breed, some aren't exactly common enough to-"

"No, you know what? Wisps and Wispons are two articles, and we'll link 'em to each other." Threena rubbed her crest, before pulling her head back up. "Okay. Okay. Wisps. Can we say anything other than 'tiny energy beings that float around'?"

"Well, they are technically not natives, a portion of their population immigrated after Eggman temporarily relocated their microplanet in orbit around Earth."

"Historical. What was that about breeds?"

Naervins winced, and Threena instantly regretted her question-even before he began to answer.

"Well. Um. Breed is... possibly not quite the right word? The most basal form of Wisp is the White Wisp, but once they reach adulthood they can choose to metamorphose... some of them even combine to form two or three-eyed forms..."

Threena groaned. "So what you're saying is Wisps are as nonsensical as anything else on this damned planet."

"Not-well, they... okay, yes. Fine. They're pretty strange. But, just like everything else, there's a pattern."

"Ahuh, sure. Look, Naervins, last week Morcheik managed to awaken a long-forgotten slumbering god who would have wiped out our entire fleet if that damned impossibility of a blue hedgehog hadn't stepped in. There are no patterns here. There is only madness. And it's our job to filter out the madness before it reaches the Citadel, understand?"

"...do you need a break, Threena-?"

"Yes I do need a fucking break but I can't get one because after everything the Citadel has declared this whole situation a top priority!"