The next morning was a Sunday, so he slept in until he could sit still no longer. He had only today before going back to school on Monday, so he owed it to himself to make the most of it.
In the corner of his room by an outlet was his camcorder charging. He briefly opened it up to see if it unplugged itself, but it hadn't. It had charged all through the night so he wouldn't have to worry.
In his stairwell he could hear the snapping clink of the old lightswitch going on and off. At the bottom of the stairs his dad was flickering in the lights to get his attention.
"One moment!" Jerry said before going back into his room. He grabbed his camcorder and met his dad at the bottom of the steps.
"Was work OK? I didn't see you come home," his dad signed.
Jean Speaker had been deaf ever since he was a toddler to hearing parents. He communicated almost exclusively through signs, even if his late parents had tried to get him to speak all his life.
"It was whatever.." Jerry dismissed it, "Some brute tried to break down the wall."
"Tell them to use the door next time," his dad said.
"I will," Jerry smiled.
"It's a little while before I have to go to work. Would you walk into town with me?" his dad asked.
"Sure. Do you want to go sled? I think the snow's good enough to make a ramp with. I was going to do it yesterday but.. You know," Jerry said.
You can sled, but I have to stay dry for work," his dad said.
"Would you want to sled when you get off work?" Jerry asked, almost on his way to the basement where the sleds were.
"If I have the energy I'll see what I can do," his dad looked tired already.
"Maybe I'll make you some coffee.." Jerry trailed off, going down into the unfinished basement to get his sled.
He brought one sled: a long orange plastic one with string to pull it with, and got on his winter wear from low hooks by the door.
Outside Jerry and his father walked alongside the freshly plowed road, the town visible down the hill and through glittering pines. Some parts were steep, so Jerry had to wait for his father to catch up. He never worried about the man slipping, as his boots were built for these conditions and the majority of the decline was forgiving even for an older man like him.
They walked into downtown, a lot of the buildings were abandoned waiting for demolition, but since nobody had bothered to buy them in the first place they stood still empty. Alongside dying factories were much smaller lively staples of business. The three good local restaurants with very few differences besides the owners, the vintage toys and gifts shop, the supermarket and fast food places, the thrift store, and at the very center of the land rot was the ice rink, which miraculously stayed open every year despite the small population. Further beyond at the edge of town was the library, where Jerry knew his mom was.
Jerry and his dad passed two people eating at a fast food chain. The two were not local, as he and everyone else could always tell. The men were verminators like at Jerry's work. A revolving door of private soldiers who used to be government only, but were private and government sponsored now. It was common to find them lazing about in town, supposedly on the hunt for more than a bite to eat. They weren't police and never arrested anyone or solved conflicts, so Jerry didn't understand why they even bothered. Part of the town's taxes helped pay for verminators to guard them (something adults often complained about).
Maybe it was just how the money flowed because of his job. Their unique criminals were processed and locked up in the verminator headquarters using Jerry's expertise, so it was only convenient they were given jobs watching over the town too. As much as people complained about verminators, nobody ever considered having them leave for real. Whatever they did that was so important was probably something he'd only understand when he was older.
"Do you know him?" His dad asked.
"No.. Just thinking.." Jerry said.
They finally approached the top of a sledding hill made up of a large lot between buildings. Sled trails of different types already marked the area. Jerry handed his camera to his dad for safekeeping and placed his sled down. Across from him climbing up the slope were four year old twin boys Michael and Rodney Brown, their steps clumsy and their jackets, scarves and hats suffocatingly puffy. Jerry smiled. Unlike some of his peers he still enjoyed the company of little kids. He waved at them.
"Hi bunny!" Michael waved. His brother noticed and waved too.
"BUNNY!" Rodney screamed.
Nearby the top of the hill Jerry could see their mother watching him, as if she was only an impulse away from walking over. To save himself the ridicule he opted to keep his interactions with the Brown's to a minimum.
With his father watching, Jerry sat in the sled, held the rope reins and began to scoot forward to give it some momentum. Once the sled began to move on its own he gave his dad a pleading look as if he was about to go down a deadly waterfall. His dad chuckled. All the way down Jerry flailed his arms, and just as the hill flattened out he rolled out of the sled and posed for dead like he had crashed. When looking back up to the top of the hill he could see his dad applauding him, rotating his hands by the wrists with a smile on his face.
Ready for another run, Jerry picked himself up with vigor and climbed up the hill just as the twins flew past him on their sled. He watched them go all the way down and flop out of their sleds in a similar fashion to himself. When they popped up out of the snow Jerry applauded them just like his father. The four year olds tried to do it back but ended up doing something more like waving. Jerry got the idea and continued his climb.
When he got to the top he met with his dad again.
"Can I see the camera? I have an idea," Jerry said.
His dad gave him the camera.
Jerry opened the camcorder's screen and ran down the hill without his sled. He placed the camera on the hill and set it to record before trudging right back up.
At the top he positioned his sled to aim for his camera, intending to run it over. He backed up and ran, diving into his sled to get it to speed up sooner. As he gained speed his sled started to tilt off course, missing the camera. He audibly groaned in disappointment as he flew past it.
The twins were walking up and, seeing the camera, couldn't help but go over to it. Rodney picked it up and accidentally tweaked the zoom. Jerry watched them from the bottom of the hill. He knew he was already a hazard to the device as the owner (he tried to run it over in snow), but twin four year old boys might be a hazard that could actually harm the camera. He climbed up to intercept them.
"Could I have that back?" He asked, but the twins didn't understand, recording him.
"And here we have the Easter Bunny on this beautiful... beautiful day. Wow! It's a good day to sled guys. It's a sledding day!" Rodney said. Michael fought to get into frame in front of Jerry.
"Can I have that back? It's my camera.." Jerry said. With their mom watching he couldn't just take it from them. That wouldn't be very polite anyway. Speak of the devil.
"What's going on?" Mrs. Brown said, walking up to them.
"My video camera..." Jerry said, hoping she might understand.
The woman took a moment to think about what he signed, looked at her sons and plucked the camera out of Rodney's hands. She reached to give it to Jerry, but when Jerry approached to receive it, she dropped it prematurely. Jerry picked it up. The camera was fine.
"Thanks..." He said.
She was already dragging her kids back up the hill by their wrists, the boys asking her why she was acting strange.
Jerry knew why. His appearance had always been off-putting to her, no matter how long they had known each other.
His dad was walking down the hill to see him.
"You ok?" He asked.
"Yeah, just people being stupid.." Jerry said.
"Alright well, I have to keep walking to work. Do you want to come with me or stay here?"
"Stay here. I wanna keep working on my videos," Jerry said.
"Fine by me. I'll see you after work then. Love you!" his dad said.
"Love you!" Jerry said.
He watched his dad walk up the hill and turn a corner. Looking around, he realized he was alone. He moved his ears, facing different directions just in case. All clear.
He walked down to the bottom of the hill to get his sled. Using the rope, he pulled it behind him past the lot, across the street, and through some trees until there was more and more wilderness in between each backyard. Thin birches, sturdy pines, icy brambles, narrow paths only himself and elk traveled. He passed a tree with a plastic lizard stuck in it covered in string. Years ago he had tied the string to the lizard like a leash on a dog, but it had gotten snagged on the tree, and instead of untangling it he ended up pulling the lizard high into the branches, getting it stuck out of curiosity. He had given up feeling bad about it less than ten minutes after it happened, unless Toy Story was true.
He continued to the Loveland family's backyard: a field cut out of the trees with an old wooden clubhouse left there by the people before them. Closer to the house was a shed and buried grill. Before the Loveland's moved in, an old lady used to live there who hardly ever left her house. She died four years ago, which was convenient for the Lovelands since their son was going deaf and they wanted to move closer to the community. It wasn't convenient for Jerry, however. These people were nice, but far more active than the old woman ever was.
He left his sled and walked up to the shed. He got down on his belly and dug into a gap under the shed and pulled himself in. Above him, the floor was coming apart. He pulled himself through the gap in the floor to the inside, where a number of toys were waiting for him. They sat reading their own open books in a tunnel made of boxes and canoeing equipment. He turned the camera on and placed it on a bin so it could see him.
In the past he had already searched through and recorded every bin and box in the shed out of curiosity, especially since the Lovelands were newer to town. He knew he couldn't prove it if people found out, but he never intended on finding anything that would make them look bad. Even if he did find something, could he really judge? Everybody had their secret thoughts.. he just wanted to know what they were sometimes.
He looked at the collection of reading figures and took a book on nuclear power from a nasa astronaut toy.
"I was reading that," Jerry said in place of the astronaut.
"You can finish it later. I need it," Jerry said.
"Fine, but I'm not... I'm not letting you just take it. I'm coming with to make sure you don't drop it like you drop... like you drop that camera all the dang time," the astronaut said.
"It's mostly waterproof Space Clown."
"Mostly..." Space Clown, the astronaut said.
"No need to be so mean. Jerry knows.. He knows he'll be put in prison if he doesn't return his library books. He'll go to prison," a wooden sleeping duck named Sleepy said, reading about Star Trek.
"I'm responsible now I promise," Jerry nodded slowly, remembering his time in pretend prison.
"I still need convincing,"
"Fine. You can ride in the sled if it makes you feel better," Jerry said.
He turned to the camera and stopped the recording. He took the book, his camera and Space Clown out of the shed through the hole in the floor, trying not to scrape the camera on the ground in the process.
He placed his things in the sled and kept walking.
He was almost out of the Lovelands' yard when the back door to their house opened. Felix Loveland spotted him. He was dumping cooking oil and put down his pan when he spotted him.
"Jerry?!" He waved before running over, "Hey Jerry what's up? I didn't expect to see you here," Felix said.
"I was just taking a walk around town. You don't mind if I walk through your backyard right?" Jerry asked. He froze in place, trying not to draw attention to his tracks by the shed. From where they were standing, Felix could easily assume Jerry had only walked past it.
"No worries, I'm not like a stickler about footprints or whatever. I hardly even come out here when it's this cold," Felix said, "You have any cool comic ideas for the newspaper?"
"Not yet. Sometimes it only comes to me when I sit down to do it, and I haven't done that yet," Jerry said. Felix was the head editor for the deaf school's newspaper that Jerry had been asked to draw comics for. Jerry didn't think his drawings were any good but Felix was always asking about them. Jerry hoped that meant his comics were valuable when looked through someone else's eyes. That or Felix just wanted to include Jerry out of pity.
"That's good. No rush. Besides that, are you having a good day? Did you go sledding?" Felix asked.
"Yeah. I was going to make a ramp but I forgot to," Jerry said.
"Happens to the best of us! Hey, I have to get back to cleaning before my mom gets home, so I'll talk to you later, ok?" Felix said.
"Ok," Jerry said.
Felix hesitated leaving to quickly poke Jerry's ear. Jerry twitched. Satisfied, Felix ran back into his house to finish cleaning. Jerry always thought of himself as the weird one, but even ordinary people had the inclination to touch his ears or pet his fur sometimes. At least Felix didn't notice that Jerry broke into his shed, or maybe he was too polite to mention it. They both had the ability to make one another a little uncomfortable.
Jerry continued on his route, going through people's backyards and the lots between. His parents always told him he shouldn't, but he found being around other people's restricted spaces exciting. Sure, at any time people could come out of their houses and see him like Felix did, and sure, he left tracks clearly shaped like his nearly featureless bucket feet and his sled, but he never got into serious trouble. He knew which houses he could never visit again... But to the people that didn't ever say anything: Did they know he hung out under their decks? That he would steal rocks, tools and decorations or leave toys or bury trinkets? That he sometimes spent whole afternoons talking to his toys on their back porch? Climbing trees up to their roof. Even occasionally walking right into open doorways without hesitation. Hiding in cupboards and closets or behind couches. Scared that at any moment they'd find him snooping like the creep he was.
What would they think if they knew? Did they know he understood it was wrong? Or did they assume he was too underdeveloped for such a capacity? Maybe they knew he understood it was bad but thought he did it on purpose to spite them.
What did he really do it for if those weren't true? Was he just in denial? He liked to think he had a fascination with people that he couldn't satisfy by talking to them. People hardly had anything to say to him besides what they were doing in school or what they last ate, but he knew there was more to them than that.
He kept walking past the neighborhood and into the thicker wilderness.
These woods used to be a part of town too, but it had been so long since anyone had needed to live or work there that most of the remaining buildings were only basements if they were even visible at all. The few overgrown factories and houses still standing were condemned with plywood blocking the doors and windows, and had graffiti tags older than Jerry tattooed on them. A small open area had ashes from a fire. Broken alcohol glasses and littler surrounded the pit. These woods were a common spot for the younger generation to hang out. Luckily there wasn't anyone around to interrupt him now. Everybody came out here for similar reasons, but he still didn't want anyone watching him when he thought he was alone.
The landscape became an incline so Jerry kept climbing, consistently looking back to make sure Space Clown and the book on nuclear power didn't fall out of his sled. The further up he went the more secure he felt, as he knew nobody ever went out this far.
At the top of the incline was a plateau with a view of the neighboring town's nuclear power plant. The massive pair of cooling towers released their never ending stream of clouds floating up and dissipating in the distance. Jerry made sure his sled with his camera and Space Clown wouldn't slide down the hill before his act. He grabbed his book on nuclear power and skipped to the part about the Chernobyl disaster. When he had first read this book years ago he thought something like a nuclear meltdown was terrifying, but at least it was far away. His perspective shifted when he came up this hill exploring and saw his local nuclear power plant, only now realizing it, although unlikely, could happen anywhere.
Reenacting this, he dropped the book and fell on his knees. He screamed and roared running in circles, grabbing at tree branches and pulling on them, gnawing on them. When he was done with those he clawed at the ground, digging at loose stones and roots, anything left to take apart. He held his head and pulled at his ears, continuing to roar all the while rolling around in the snow. He screamed as loud and as long as he could. Scream for all the comments and fears he left in his head around Hellen, for all the times he pretended he didn't notice when people didn't like him, for all the secret strange things he'd never say and couldn't explain, for the voice nobody could understand. He needed to do it until he was exhausted. He needed to leave this hill in tears if this ritual was going to work. He wasn't that sad this time so he tried to look for things to cry about. If the power plant blew up there wouldn't be any of his old memories to visit. His house would go cold and rot away overgrown protecting no one from the elements ever again. The fallout would make it impossible to ever return, and even if they escaped the explosion, his family was bound to get radiation diseases and melt or something. He couldn't stand to see his parents melting away. They'd probably try to get him to be brave, but what about them? Were they brave? They were all only people afraid to die.. Only human.
By the end of it Jerry was curled up in the snow waiting for his anger and sadness to cool off. His throat was hoarse from screaming, but it meant he had gotten it out of his system.
"You didn't even read it idiot," Space Clown said.
"Don't have to," Jerry said.
"Well can I have it back now?"
"When I get back to the shed. I wanna keep walking around," Jerry said.
"Well, have fun with that. I'm very well known for my patience, you know. NOT," Space Clown said.
"Maybe you should consider this a test.. Consider it a test then. It'll be good for you," Jerry said.
He started walking down the hill on the side of the power plant, even deeper into the woods.
He kept walking down till he met an old road and followed parallel to a lake.
This was the perfect place after a meltdown. Jerry liked to break the ice on the lake's shore and hold his head real low over the water so only the tips of his ears got wet. The ear thing nobody else could do the way he did. After being so emotional, feeling the little trickle of ice cold water run down his face soothed him. Sometimes he'd bring stuff to play with in the water like boat toys and bath toys, which some of were still partially buried in the mud on the frozen shores. In the trees hung clothes hangers he deemed to be dragons nesting for winter. A village made of glued together wooden blocks awaited an attack he'd have to orchestrate in spring. He sat for a long time, only staring at the water. Eventually he found it was time to keep going, so he got up before he got too comfortable.
Following the road again he noticed some of his own tracks coming back from where he was headed. The tracks went in an odd direction that he had never walked. It was away from the road deeper into a part of the woods he had never stepped foot in. Strange that perfectly round fresh tracks that could only be his were walking in a direction he had never walked, at a time he never could have walked given the snowfall the night before. He walked up to one of the tracks and put his foot in it. It fit exactly.
Something was out there with feet like his, and they had walked through here not too long ago. There was a possibility that whoever it was wasn't that far away. Maybe they could already see him. Maybe they were only a moment away from finding him. What would that be like? His fur stood on end. Was there somebody out there with the same disability he had? The two of them would be the first cases to ever be alive at the same time. Maybe it was supposed to be a surprise for him and he kind of spoiled himself already?
Would they look a lot like him or would the condition manifest itself differently on this other person's appearance? Would their appearance frighten him? He'd hate to show it if it did. The last thing he wanted was to let their condition put a wedge between the two of them. Above all it should guarantee a mutual respect, or even a friendship. How old was this person? Were they a boy or a girl? If they were roughly the same age that would be amazing. They would hopefully have a lot in common. Maybe they'd even...
Something down the road caught his eye through the trees. It was too big to be any person. Getting closer he realized it was a van. A verminator van parked without a driver. The back door had been forced open and bent. Taking a quick peek, there wasn't anyone inside. There were chains and a bent up cage and verminator weapons along the side of the van's walls. The damage reminded him of the wall at work. Some criminals were stronger than they ought to be..
Jerry stepped away from the van and noticed an odd shape next to the road partially buried in snow. He walked up to it and tugged a part of it to see it better. The part he tugged quickly revealed itself to be a gloved hand. He jumped back and dropped it. There was an entire person here lying in the snow. Given the outfit it was a verminator, although they were missing the iconic mask. The man's eyes were open and unmoving, his jaw open and his skin pink with frostbite. It didn't look good. Jerry couldn't focus his gaze, scared he might see a flash of red or insects starting to eat the man. Jerry approached anyway, tapping the man's head to try and wake him. He clapped right at his ears and shouted but the man was clearly gone. An electric burn mark climbing up his neck. His suit torn around his legs and waist.
Jerry looked back the way he came. Two pairs of tracks. Exactly the same.
As he walked back he hoped he didn't look too urgent. He wanted to run and clear the wilderness to the safety of home, but if he made too much noise or looked like he was running away he could attract negative attention. That verminator had been attacked, and likely by the other person with rabbid condition. Maybe that was why nobody had ever told him there was a second person with his disorder. How could he feel any better about himself if he found out the only one who could understand his position was a murderer? It would just reinforce the idea that his condition would always associate him with terror and evil. How many times could he keep telling himself he was different from those he worked with? Was that even true? If there was somebody with rabbid condition he didn't know about because of their bad deeds, were there more? He knew everyone who had rabbid condition worked in translation. Maybe he had been spared the full truth in knowing how many of them eventually defected to the side of the criminal. He couldn't think that could happen with himself just because he knew of one confirmed case. He pitied criminals only because they were people, and his mom had told him that feeling that way was only normal. It wasn't anything to worry about.
It took him roughly an hour to walk back into downtown, and then all the way to the library where he knew his mom was working. He left his sled and Space Clown outside and jumped up to the wheelchair accessible button to open the doors for him. He kept his camera on him. He had been shivering and looking over his shoulder the whole time, but he had recorded the scene at the verminator van with his camera so he wouldn't forget. The prints that weren't his, the destroyed doors on the back of the van, the verminator corpse. He wasn't going to show anybody the video, but now he could go back to it if he needed some clarity. He had a lot of videos like that.
He walked into the library peeking around the offices looking for his mom. He saw her in the kitchen with the other ladies, she spotted him too, a big grin forming on her face.
"Jerry!" She shouted, getting on one knee.
Jerry ran up to her to get a hug. His mom squeezed him tight and put her forehead to his for a moment before releasing him.
"What's up? Or were you just in the neighborhood?" She asked.
"Good afternoon Jerry!" Denise said.
"Good afternoon!" The other three ladies said, although some were more enthusiastic than others. They seemed to be putting together advertisements for an event at the theater.
"Hi ladies! Uh, I was just in the neighborhood," Jerry said, focusing on his mom while the rest of the women continued working.
"How was work? They had you out pretty late huh?" His mom asked.
"It was the same besides some dude trying to.." Jerry cut himself off with a realization.
"Trying to do what?" His mom asked.
"..Break the door down, but obviously it didn't work. It was kind of scary though," Jerry said. If the rabbid condition criminal broke down the van doors with just his hands, was he the same one who tried to break down the wall when he was at work? Both criminals were being held by verminators, but no, they couldn't be the same. He couldn't have been translating the rabbid condition criminal since people with rabbid condition couldn't talk.
"Oh dear. Do you think it's getting to you?" His mom asked.
"Maybe a little. I was walking around trying to get it out of my head. It hasn't yet but I think I just need time," Jerry said. Still, did his condition have any effect on strength? Was there any time Jerry struggled to lift something? Could he bend metal with just his hands?
"Well if it makes you feel any better any criminal who'd dare come after my son would be very sorry very fast. If not, I think you're right, you might just need some time, and maybe something to eat. Did you eat anything this morning?" She asked.
"Not yet,"
His mom gave him a look.
"What?! I wasn't hungry!" Jerry said.
"You need to eat something Jerry," She got out her wallet and got some cash for him, "Go get yourself something to eat. Next thing you know your bones will be sticking out and people will think I'm a bad mother."
"I think by that point I'd actually be hungry... Oh and Uh.. Hey mom?" Jerry started, but instead of finishing his sentence he grabbed his mom's hand and pulled her into the next room where the other ladies couldn't see, "Are you sure there aren't any people with my condition besides myself?"
"Why do you ask? Did you see something.. Someone?" Her face lost its smile fast.
"...No..." Jerry lied.
"Jerry, if you saw something you need to tell me ok?"
"I just.. I saw some footprints that weren't mine.. But they looked like mine.. I don't know. Maybe they were mine and I forgot. If it wasn't though.. What would that mean?" Jerry asked.
"Well.. It would definitely be a miracle that there are two of you, but given we don't know where they come from or what they want we could only assume they came here to see you, but if they're unregistered and unknown to the government I don't think we can trust them. That's even assuming what you saw was real. I know it'd be exciting to find somebody like you but we have to remember to be safe around strangers, even ones that might look like us. We can't judge a person's heart on how they look on the outside right?"
"Right.." Jerry said.
"So you're going to promise me that you won't look into this, ok? The last thing I want is for someone strange to do something to you or take you. I'm going to let the police know to look out. Maybe we can meet them if they're friendly but there's a lot we have to do before that. Remember that there's a good chance they'd be up here to see you. There's also a chance none of this is real and you got confused and walked in a circle, but you know me. I take your safety very seriously," His mom said.
"Ok," Jerry said.
"You're going to do what I told you to do, right?" She asked.
"Of course," Jerry said.
"And that would be?"
"Don't investigate," Jerry said.
"Good," She put a hand on his head and rubbed his face with a thumb. Jerry leaned into it, "You know Jerry, I don't think you're going to get any bigger, but that just means you'll be adorable forever."
"At least I'm cute to you," Jerry said.
"You're cute, period," She booped him. Jerry smiled, "I have to call the police so go get something to eat ok?" She stood in the back of the room, getting her phone out.
"On it!" Jerry said. He left the room and away from the other ladies before checking his camera again just a little bit. He hadn't told his mom the whole truth, as it was probably best for everyone he wasn't mixed up with murder, but he could never keep everything from her. She could easily see through him at the worst of times. From her logic someone else with rabbid condition was likely here to meet him, but from Jerry's point of view it the murderer was only here because he escaped a verminator truck. Still, he could also combine the two thoughts to assume the murderer was only arrested in the verminator truck because he had been trespassing this territory looking for him.
Not just anybody could visit the town and surrounding towns where Jerry lived. This territory was what his mom liked to call a 'verminator state' and it supposedly kept a tight control of their border in hopes of ensuring dangerous people stayed out. Why did they need such a state? He wasn't entirely sure, but he had never left it given the severity of the danger outside. If there was a second person with rabbid condition and nobody knew they existed that was already suspicious, so there was very little chance of them getting in the territory legally if they wanted to keep themselves a secret. Depending on how old they were, who knew if they'd ever be caught unless they wanted to be.
The rest of the day was uneventful. Jerry almost wished something would happen, as over time he only became more paranoid the murderer would find him. He didn't tell his parents about the murder, but he didn't have to.
Local police visited the Speakers house that afternoon to inform them of the new curfew, as well as the discovery of a body. His mom's information had been put to good use even if it trapped him inside when the sun went down. He wasn't much of a night person anyway, and with the fear of who might be after him it was nice to have an excuse to stay in his mom's lap while they watched recorded reruns.
The next morning he still had to get ready for school. His routine was so built into him he hardly had any time to think about murderers on the loose with the same disorder as him. It didn't matter. He had to be at his bus stop on time.
He was still sleepy while waiting in the cafeteria before homeroom. Felix Loveland and Anthony Williams were sitting by him, signing to each other.
"Did the police go to your houses too? There's a murderer on the loose and a curfew," Felix said.
"Felix.." Anthony said.
"What? Everybody's thinking about it!" Felix said.
"I don't think it's appropriate here.." Anthony said, "It's upsetting."
Jerry etched some doodles in a notebook for some comic ideas. He was feeling awkward about the whole murderer situation and how scared and strange it made him feel, but if people figured out he knew more than he was letting on through his comics they might ask him about it. Since his friends were distracted he doodled the broken open verminator truck. He liked it, and then started to feel insecure. The drawing existed now, somebody could question him about it. He tore out the page and ate it. Having such a big mouth came in handy sometimes.
"Did you eat something?" Anthony asked. He was a giant in their grade, making the distance between Jerry and himself greater than any other pair of students while talking.
"Just a chocolate I found in my pocket," Jerry said.
"Really? Could I have one?"
"That was my last one," Jerry said.
"Darn.." Anthony said.
"Are you sure you didn't just eat the paper you were drawing?" Felix asked.
"Positive.." Jerry's confidence was waning.
Felix rolled his eyes.
"I saw what I saw Jerry. Ya weirdo," Felix smiled.
"You didn't see what I was drawing though, right?" Jerry asked.
"No, but I'm sure it wasn't so bad you had to eat it!" Felix said, "That can't be good for you... or maybe it doesn't matter. Do you think your condition makes it so you can eat whatever you want?"
"Why would it do that?" Jerry asked.
"I don't know. You can understand any language. Who knows what else you can do," Felix said.
"Do you think maybe... My condition might make me really strong too?" Jerry asked.
"Maybe.. I heard.." Felix started. Anthony kicked him under the table, "I wasn't going to say anything like that!" He said to Anthony, "..I haven't heard much on the subject.. since not much is known about your condition. Maybe it does make you strong. Have you ever tested it?"
"Not yet. I guess I could try it later today. Maybe I'll try to bend a metal pipe from an abandoned building downtown," Jerry said.
"You really think you could bend something like that?" Anthony asked, amused.
"No, but I don't think I've ever had trouble carrying something before," Jerry said.
"Oh yeah? What about me? Could you lift me?" Anthony got up, taller than even most of the teachers.
"That depends if I could even get a good grip..." Jerry said, suddenly intimidated by the task.
He would have to pick the big kid up by his knees, but he still wanted to try. If there was a possibility the murderer at large was breaking down metal doors with his bare hands he had to know if he had similar ability.
Jerry sighed and wrapped his arms around his friend's legs. He remembered somewhere there was a proper procedure for lifting heavy things safely. He couldn't remember if it applied to him. It took him a second to get a good enough grip. Anthony was fixed to the ground by gravity, but Jerry was starting to move him. It hurt, but if he kept going Anthony would lift.
"Holy smokes!" Anthony said. Jerry lifted him an inch, shaking and holding his breath. Anthony lost his balance falling toward Jerry like a chopped tree. For those who could hear it they made quite the clatter. Anthony laughed, holding his chin in pain. Jerry rolled the giant off of him. It wasn't by much but he still lifted him.
"Are you ok?" He asked Anthony.
"My chin hit the ground! But I'm ok!" Anthony said, still smiling.
A teacher came to chastise them, but it didn't ruin the mood, just return them to their seats.
"Jerry! Your arms are so tiny! How do you lift Anthony!? No offense.." Felix chuckled.
"It was just a little bit," Jerry said.
"Yeah, but I can't even do that and my arms are so much larger! You're like.. How an ant lifts stuff several times heavier than it," Felix said.
A teacher and a girl sat beside Anthony, talking privately. The boys took a peek but didn't pay them any mind.
"I guess?" Jerry said.
"You guess? You ARE! You know, this would make for a great article in the paper if we did some experiments on it. To figure out how much you could lift compared to your own weight," Felix said. Felix looked at Anthony, the giant analyzing his last statement.
"That would be alright? Right? Nothing wrong with a little experiment between friends for the paper," Felix said.
"I don't see why not.." Anthony hesitantly agreed.
"What do you say Jerry?" Felix asked.
"I'll see if I'm free.." Jerry said.
Who knew if he'd be up for something like that later. He was already stressed out and nothing had happened. Well, somebody was dead, and the person who killed them was supposedly coming after him, so although it wasn't today something had definitely happened. Maybe he could give up some private time if it meant he was less likely to be caught alone with the murderer. He would probably do the experiment himself at some point anyway.
Felix turned to face the girl and teacher who had just sat down.
"Hey, are you new?" He asked her.
The girl looked at him, confused.
"You're going to have to sign slowly for her, she's still learning," The teacher said.
"Ah.. NEW..YOU.. HERE? NEW YOU HERE?" Felix asked again.
The girl hesitated before nodding.
"Good. Before... I.. new... here.. Before... I new here," Felix said.
The girl nodded again.
"Do you think she understood?" Anthony said.
"Let her at least try! She'll get it all eventually. I thought I couldn't and here I am," Felix said.
"Nice to meet you.." Jerry said, peeking around Anthony to greet her.
The girl jumped up out of her seat in surprise at the sight of him and nearly tripped on the table legs. She stood up and walked out of the cafeteria glancing at him in what could only be shock. The teacher got up to follow her.
The boys didn't say anything at first.
"That was really rude of her.." Felix said.
"You ok Jerry?" Anthony asked.
"Yeah.. I don't know, I didn't expect that. I guess I still understand. It's not everyday you see someone like me," Jerry asked. The violent reaction stung. If only he could make things better by taking off the costume he wore, but there was no scary mask to remove. He was stuck with the way he was.
"She probably didn't mean it," Felix said.
"Either way it's no way to act. She should apologize," Anthony said.
"You're not going to ask her to do that, are you?" Jerry asked Anthony.
"I'm not going to ask her to do anything, but I think someone should explain that she hurt your feelings," Anthony said.
"Can I talk to her then?" Jerry asked, "It feels weird having someone else do that for me. I'm sure she's just having a bad day. We've all been rude by accident on a bad day, right?"
"As long as you say something," Anthony said.
"Give me time. Besides, she just got here. Maybe she recently became deaf and doesn't have a lot of people to talk to," Jerry said.
They wanted to talk more but it was time to transition to their lockers and then to their homerooms. Jerry didn't have any friends in his homeroom, but luckily the girl wasn't there either. He didn't think he was ready to talk to her yet.
This was hardly the first time people had wild reactions to him. It almost exclusively happened with extended families of locals visiting from out of town, but people in neighboring towns who didn't see him much also did strange things around him in public. At restaurants in neighboring towns, waiters spoke or signed differently to him, sometimes slower or in a tone that made it clear they thought he was still four. In their defense he looked exactly the same as when he had been four, but it still hurt to be seen as immature.
That wasn't even the worst of it though. Sometimes he would be out at a store with his parents, and an out of towner would walk right up to him and ask his parents about him instead of just asking him, like he was his parent's pet.
"Is he friendly? Do you know how old he is?" They would ask.
"People generally think of me as friendly, and I'm twelve, not that I expect you to understand any of what I just said.." Jerry had said, trying to hold onto the possibility that he was wrong about why the person was acting this way. He'd try to pretend the stranger already knew he wasn't some old couple's exotic pet. That it was only a joke and that Jerry was in on it.
He didn't want to rile himself up before class started, but it was unfair that he had to put up with being seen as lesser so often. It was hard enough being looked at as stupid or untrustworthy by even people he knew, but some people didn't even recognize him as a human being.
Interactions with people were plagued with walls when he realized he wasn't talking to someone who believed he was there. He had to over and over prove that he wasn't an automaton. That his experiences and emotions were just as three dimensional and real as the person he was talking to. That people's comments about what they thought of him didn't pass right through him for him to mindlessly agree. That there was an entire person right in front of them with school work to do and movies to shoot and books to read, who they didn't even know could understand the concept of an insult. Because how could they be rude to someone that wasn't even real?
He liked to think at least his parents and Anthony believed there was someone behind his eyes. They knew him all his life. Felix was very polite and respectful most of the time, but other times Jerry wasn't sure what Felix saw in him. There was a chance Felix only saw him as a toy, and instead of disregarding him, would play along at the idea that he was there, without truly believing it.
No matter if that was true about Felix, there were an unseen number of people who liked to play along this way. Those were the trickiest types. The most difficult wall to realize, and the most terrifying too. At any time people he trusted could reveal they never really knew him or valued what he had to say. That he was just an entertaining character or a means to an end. With it being so hard to tell sometimes, Jerry found himself playing the same game, hoping he was wrong about them or that he could change their mind about him. Given what he could and couldn't prove, at any given time he was either surrounded by peers, or complete strangers.
The bell rang and the blue light flared for first period, but Jerry hesitated. Everybody was already gone before he snapped out of it and moved. Hopefully schoolwork would distract him from his funk, because he'd definitely be needing it.
First period he had math, which was great since it didn't demand too much emotional contemplating, just numbers and their rules. He liked it better when he was practicing problems than when the teacher was lecturing, as he had nothing to do but watch as his thoughts drifted back to the paranoid. The other students took notes while Jerry had his own already completed copy since he couldn't write. Maybe if he could write it'd be a little easier to distract himself. The longer he watched the more uncomfortable he became. Eventually he couldn't take another second and left the room without saying anything.
He went to a hall that served no purpose but to lead outside, so it was a space away from the main corridor where few people would see him, and was warmer than the entire rest of the school.
He used to feel guilty about leaving like that, but his mom said he didn't have to feel bad if his emotions became too overwhelming for him. He wasn't going to learn anything if he was too busy fighting paranoia. If he left early, there was a possibility he could recover enough to go back to class instead of having to go home, while also avoiding a possible meltdown.
It had been years since his last meltdown, five years, and they used to be more common when he was young. He didn't want to think about it now. It was like summoning it if he thought about it too much. He had to remind himself to slow down and think before acting. If he could hear his thoughts that at least meant he was acting himself for now. The sadness and his anger pushed one another around trying to move him to either lash out or lie down and cry. Being in the hall was making him calmer though. The loud and bickering emotions were settling down to a simmer the more he was alone. At least without anyone else around he knew for certain he was real, and there was a good chance plenty of other people believed it too. Who was he to know for sure if people were being rude? And it didn't matter what anyone thought, he was a person.
He sat there for the rest of the period, not on purpose, but he never felt well enough to go back. With everyone moving around to get to second period, it was natural to go get his stuff and start over in history class.
Because of the distance going from the hall to math and then history, he was the last one to class. Looking around he realized the girl that started this whole thing was there, sitting in the back with a para to help translate for her. She saw him before he saw her, and kept watching like she was waiting for him to do something. Luckily he didn't sit so close to her, but either way her stares were burning into the back of his head. He was so close to saying something to her, but he wasn't in the right headspace to keep it civil if he started. Didn't she know it was rude to stare? Maybe she did, because when their eyes met she quickly looked away.
Today they were tasked with reading from their textbooks and answering questions on a worksheet.
Jerry had the task of coming up with all of his answers in his head before having the teacher write them out for him. There were only ten students in the class so it wasn't too difficult for the teacher to do for him. When he told people this was how he worked they always mentioned how difficult they thought it would be to remember a properly formatted answer without writing, but Jerry found memorizing his answers for other people to record relatively simple. Writing answers by himself was something they used to try and teach him, but luckily his teachers and the scientists studying his condition concluded he couldn't be taught no matter what. It was nice to be free of the expectation, but the path to get him there had been plagued with the same walls that troubled his modern conversations, but from people who could punish and humiliate him when they believed he could learn to do something he simply couldn't.
Things were better now. Life was so much more peaceful without worrying about his attempts at speaking and writing. He had systems that worked for him. Hopefully people would be patient enough to understand out in the real world when he graduated.
He had no plans to continue with his current job as an adult. He had been doing it long enough to know he'd rather be doing something he found more fun. His parents always said that was hard to find but he had to at least try, right? Movies had always told him there was more to a living than the money. That had to be at least somewhat true.
At the second half of class they were going over the answers on the worksheet in two groups. For a moment Jerry was scared the girl was going to be in a group with him, but she was put with the other half of students, writing on a white board instead of signing.
Jerry got to be in a group with Felix, but Felix's girlfriend Jenna was also there, so Felix was mostly talking with her.
Jerry checked to see if the girl in the other group was still watching him, and she was, although she was trying to make it more subtle since she kept getting caught. What was the use in checking anymore? He knew why she was looking at him, and she didn't intend to stop. He tried to keep from looking at her to keep himself in his group's conversation. Like she'd turn him to stone.
At the end of the period Jerry tried to leave as quickly as possible to keep from having judging eyeballs looking at him any longer. He was one of the first out this time, but as soon as he left the classroom the girl caught up with him and leaned down to tap his shoulder. He turned around to look up at her, her whiteboard with a new message on it.
"Sorry about running away earlier," She said. She erased it and wrote more, "I kinda forgot you went to this school, and I didn't expect you to act the way you do."
"How did you expect me to act?" Jerry asked.
She squinted at him in confusion and passed him her whiteboard to respond. Typical. Jerry gently refused the whiteboard, pushing it back into her arms. That confused look again. He didn't have any time to play charades. He had to hurry and make it to his ceramics class. The girl followed behind him. Did she know where she was going?
She followed him all the way to his class and sat next to him.
Anthony sat across from them. He gave a puzzled look but didn't interrupt them.
"What did you say before?" She slid the whiteboard and the marker toward him.
"I'm sorry, I don't know how to write.." He tried not to be rude, and made sure to go slow. She looked at him blankly before taking the whiteboard back.
"You don't write?" She asked, "Why not?"
Jerry thought of ways to explain it so that she'd understand and wouldn't get mad. He took the marker and whiteboard and drew himself as a stick figure with ears. The character was thinking of a nicely organized written document. He then drew himself writing the document out, but the real thing was far more chaotic and disjointed than the organized writing he was thinking of. His writing outside his mind reflected something likely to be illegible if it was made of actual words. He passed the whiteboard to the girl. She scanned it, and then scanned it again. She wrote more next to it.
"You CAN'T write. Right? Otherwise you would have told me in the cartoon," She said.
Jerry nodded.
"Are they trying to teach you to write?"
"Not anymore," Jerry said.
"Not anymore?" She asked.
Jerry nodded.
"That must be hard for you then. Are you deaf?"
"Nope," Jerry said.
"Me neither. I can hear, but I had cancer in my throat and now I can't talk without a stupid electrolarynx, but it sounds awful. I'm clear of cancer btw. My aunties' deaf and made me take sign language lessons and then she made me come here so I can learn to sign better, but I'm not deaf so I don't know why I need to. They didn't even ask me either. It's not like people would treat me any differently here than at my old school. People are jerks no matter where you go. And I'm still different here because I can hear, and I can't even sign so I still can't talk to anyone," She said.
"Oh.. I'm sorry. You know.. There are other people at this school who hear, or hear somewhat," Jerry said, making sure to go slow, "We get new people all the time. You'll learn how to talk to people if that's what you want to do."
"... Ok. Just for the record, I don't want to be here, period, but everybody knows how much what I say matters! But enough about my boohoo sad miserable life, I know it's boring. I'm curious. You can't write, but we can both hear. Can you talk? Like with your mouth. I'd be able to hear it," She said.
Jerry hesitated, getting uncomfortable.
"I can't really... It's like writing to me. I can't really do it," Jerry said.
"?" She shrugged, not understanding. Jerry sighed.
"Ok...B..m," He paused to clear his throat, "..Bh..B-Bye.. Bye.." He said, straining himself. The girl's eyebrows went up in awe.
"That's the coolest thing I've ever heard ever," She said, keeping the same expression the whole time.
"Why? I can barely say one word?" Jerry made a confused expression.
"Yeah but people used to think that was impossible," she said.
"Who?" Jerry shrugged.
She smiled mischievously.
"I can't tell you silly :P. You know, these towns in the verminator territory are like going into the past a little over a decade ago, not that anyone could explain to you why. It's crazy illegal to explain it to you actually. I shouldn't even be telling you this, but idk, maybe I've got a deathwish haha.. Ok actually maybe don't tell anyone I said anything though.. I could get in a lot of trouble actually.. You're Jerry Speaker, I know that. My name's Devon Blanc.." Devon said.
"Nice to meet you. Uh.. I'm not sure I know what you're talking about. It's a good thing you know my name though. I can't spell it and tell it to you myself. Well, Anthony could," Jerry said.
"Everybody knows your name Jerry," Devon said. She looked at him like this message was especially interesting.
Anthony was staring at them with an unreadable expression. Jerry wasn't sure for how long he had been watching.
"Everything OK Jerry? What are you two talking about?" He asked.
"We're good. Getting to know each other," Jerry said.
"Did you clear up what happened earlier?" He asked.
"Basically. She said she didn't expect me to act the way I do. Just a simple misunderstanding," Jerry said.
"Cool.." Anthony said, but he didn't seem too enthused. He looked at Devon, "Follow me. I want to talk with you. I want to talk in the hall, ok?"
"And what if I don't want to?" Devon said.
Anthony got up and walked over to her. Devon leaned back.
"Anthony!" Jerry called, but his friend didn't see. Devon forgot about her resistance and followed Anthony outside the class with her whiteboard.
"Hey!" Jerry said to Anthony just before he left. Anthony saw him but hardly acknowledged him.
When Anthony got back inside Devon wasn't there.
"What was that all about!? We already talked about it. I'm cool with her now!" Jerry said.
"I know, I was just giving her some advice.. Also she isn't in this class. I think she was following you. The last thing you want is a stalker," Anthony said. He took the clay mask he was working on out of his locker under the desk. Jerry did the same.
"She's a little strange but I don't think she meant any harm. She had cancer and lost her voice. I don't know if she's talked to many people yet, and I don't think she trusts her parents," Jerry said.
"Well she still needs to know how to act around you. The sooner the better," Anthony said.
"She'll understand better if we talk more. You're going to come off as overbearing. If you want her to treat me like a normal person you can't be overprotective. You can't be like.. my student dad or something. Who needs someone like that? Weirdos do, and people think I'm weird enough as it is," Jerry said.
"Fine.. It sounds like she's on good terms with you so I'll try and take your word for it," Anthony said.
"Thank you," Jerry said.
They started to work on their clay masks, which weren't for wearing, not that they would ever fit Jerry. Now thinking about it, the masks were probably too small for Anthony, so maybe he wasn't alone in the original mold being unfit for his face.
Next period was lunch, and Jerry sat with Felix and Anthony, but they also sat with their greater friend group consisting of Jenna who tended to exclude him, her short tempered brother Alexander who openly didn't like him, and Declan and Theo, who were nice enough but didn't connect to him much. He was only there because Anthony was friends with them, so he sat and watched them talk while he ate.
He spotted Devon sitting by herself watching him from across the cafeteria.
What was she thinking looking at him like that? What did she think of him? She was definitely curious to the point of rudeness. She said she didn't expect him to act the way he did, but what were her expectations then? He hoped that meant he was already clearing up some misconceptions about himself. It was nice to know she was making some sort of effort to understand him instead of settling with the surface, or so he hoped. She at least seemed to know he wasn't a class pet, but Jerry wasn't sure if she understood that he was a person.
She had mentioned some strange things by the end of her conversation, like how she had some sort of confidential information she couldn't tell him, or that everybody knew Jerry's name. The last point wasn't hard to believe, as being so unique in such a small community did make Jerry's name circulate a little more than others, although she seemed determined to make a statement with that idea, as if it was somehow strange.
Maybe she had moved away from a much busier place and wanted to distract herself with rumors about him. She clearly had a lot of anger stored up and a generally negative outlook on life. He'd be lying if it wasn't a little exhausting, but with how things were looking in her life how could he judge? He'd certainly never been threatened with something as terrifying as cancer, nor had he ever been forcefully moved and put into a new school by parents who didn't value his opinion.
Well, his parents did essentially force him to do his translation work, but it wasn't like they didn't understand how he felt about it, or that he didn't know why it was important. As much as he hated it, he was the only one who could do his job the way he did. What kind of person would he be if he left now? He had a responsibility to help the translation team because of his gifts, he only hoped it wouldn't be forever. If Devon was right and there were jerks no matter where he went, he could at least go to college someplace warm and face the jerks alongside a tropical adventure. A place where he could shed his heavy coat for swim trunks and walk up and down a whole beach with nothing in the way and so much to explore. It was strange to imagine it being warm outside everywhere like it was indoors. There was a lot he had never experienced, but who would he be if he denied himself the chance to discover it one day?
Jerry sighed. There was a lot of future to dream about but it would still be years before he'd have to properly confront the translation team and his parents about leaving. For now he'd always have to travel with a jacket, and people would stare at him while he ate at school all the same.
6/21/2024
Title "The Twenty-First Century" from 'Bodysnatchers' by Radiohead.