I return to my room on the train and complete my nightly routine of removing my makeup and undoing my hair. I rinse it out in the sink and begin to brush through it. Haymitch's words keep running through my mind. There is no way I'm falling in love with Peeta, not this quickly. I'm getting closer to him and I like being with him, but that doesn't mean I'm in love with him. I hear a soft knock on my door, interrupting my thoughts, which I am grateful for. I walk to the door, opening it and breathing in a sigh of relief when I see Peeta standing there. I invite him in and he walks into the room, leaning against the dresser along the far wall.
"What's going on," I ask him, he usually would've sat down on the bed.
"I just came to tell you that you did good tonight, almost had me believing that act," He shrugs his shoulders as he speaks, as though it doesn't bother him that he believes my feelings may be nothing more than an act.
"It was a good speech," I offer and smile at him, "Almost felt as if you actually wanted to propose to me."
"That's not exactly what I would've said, but it was all true," He walks over to me, "Even if you don't feel that way. Goodnight Katniss, and thank you for such a good act tonight."
"Peeta," I reach out for his hand, "will you stay with me again?"
"Katniss, you don't have to pretend, especially not with me..."
"No. I want you to stay with me. You make me feel safe and I want you here."
"Okay. Yeah, I'll stay." He walks toward me and finally sits down on my bed. Both of us are ready for bed, although neither of us seem tired, "Do you mind if I shower first? I feel like I haven't been able to get all of this makeup Effie caked onto me off." I laugh as he says this, leave it to Effie to plaster makeup on both of us.
"Sure, go ahead. I actually need to wash mine off too."
"Not at the same time as me?" I can feel his eyes roaming over my body, something tells me he would love if I say yes.
"No, not the same time. I'll just go after you. Just uh crack the door when you're done and I'll come in."
"Okay," he stands up, "Not like we need to save water here."
He shrugs as walks into my bathroom. I hear the water turning on and lay back against my bed. How did we go from barely speaking to each other to joking about showering together? It's not like I would know what friends do. I've never had many friends, so maybe it is just normal friend behavior. Gale is one of my only friends and we've never talked about that before, not even as a joke. I lay on the bed, staring out the window of the train. Tomorrow I will be at Snow's mansion, however I still don't know if I have fulfilled my purpose, if I have made everyone believe my actions were out of love for Peeta. If I have convinced him that I love Peeta. The door to the bathroom opens slightly and I realize I don't hear the water anymore. I stand up, walking over and knocking on the door.
"You can come in Katniss," Peeta tells me from the other side.
"Are you dressed?" I hear Peeta laugh, this is probably a stupid question. He wouldn't have opened the door if he wasn't dressed.
"I'm good," he continues to laugh as I open the door.
I walk into the bathroom and catch sight of him. He is partially dressed at least. I watch as he runs a comb through his wet hair. He is wearing only a pair of grey boxers and towel, which is wrapped loosely around his waist, revealing more than it should be and waiting to fall at any minute. He doesn't have a shirt on. I take in the sight of his bare chest, I've seen it before, but never like this. His abs have become more defined since I saw him without his shirt last. If I was some random girl from the district, I would've already thrown myself at him.
"Thought you said you were dressed."
"I have my boxers on, that counts right?"
"Not exactly my definition of dressed."
"You weren't specific. You just asked if I was dressed," He laughs and gets out a pair of pants from under the sink. I look at him questioningly, "They store basic clothes under the sinks on the train. I found out the first night when I was looking for a towel."
I just nod at his response and wet the washcloth in the sink, rubbing it over my face to remove my makeup. I manage to get most of it off, but I'm still struggling around my eyes. Peeta must notice this because he reaches his hand out for the cloth. I hand it to him without a second thought, I'm not much for makeup or many of the other things Effie has me do. He shifts through the stocked bathroom drawers until he finds what he is looking for, lotion. He squeezes some into his hand and then very lightly begins to apply it to my face. He rubs it in and reaches up with the cloth, wiping away the lotion and any remaining makeup.
"How did you know the do that," I ask him.
"Effie and my prep team might not put as much makeup on me as they do you, but I still like to get all of it off afterwards. My stylist taught me the lotion trick."
I'm aware of how close he is still standing to me. I close my eyes and breath in his scent, it's comforting to me, having him here. I reach for his hand that had the wash cloth in it, gently taking it from him and tossing it onto the sink. I look up at him and meet his eyes for the first time. This boy is so kind, so gentle, and so caring. He loves me and I know how hard everything must be for him, he must still think I'm just using him to save myself and my family. I want nothing more than to lean my face to his and press my lips to his, make him feel loved by me, even if it's just for a moment. As if he can tell what I'm thinking, he lowers his face to mine, almost as if a magnet is pulling us together. His face is just a couple inches from mine now, I can feel my heart pounding and can tell my breathing has become uneven.
"We uh, we should go to sleep..." I say to him, trying to avoid the collision that will follow if I don't break the magnetic pull between us.
"Yeah, okay." He straightens up and walks toward the door to the bedroom.
"It's just that, we have a big day tomorrow."
"No, it's fine. I get it Katniss. No apologies remember?"
I sigh and follow him into the bedroom, laying down beside him. I lay my head on his chest and feel him wrap his arm over me. How can I tell him that I felt it too? The desire to press my lips against his and get lost against his lips. He thinks I'm in love with Gale, maybe before the games and before the tour, I could've convinced myself that was true. It's not a secret that Gale and I feel something toward each other, but I haven't felt this way with Gale. I only feel this way with Peeta, even as impossible as it seems to me, I have discovered new feelings for him on this tour. Just how strong they are, and what they mean, I haven't figured out yet. I fall asleep, thinking about what these feelings could mean.
I stand on the rundown stage in District 12. Effie and Haymitch, looking older than they do now, stand on the stage as well. Haymitch is on the side for the males, Peeta standing beside him. Effie is at the microphone, standing between two bowls full of names. I stand by myself on the opposite side of the stage. I am still the only female victor from our district. Effie announces the reaping of the 88th Hunger Games. Prim will be too old for this reaping. I look into the crowd and see her standing beside my mom, next to them stands Gale, his mother, and his two younger brothers. His sister is still in the reaping this year, it will be her last year. As I search the rest of the crowd, a young girl catches my attention. She has blonde hair that is worn in a braid, similar to how I wore my hair in the games. She catches me looking at her and smiles brightly at me, a smile much like Peeta's. She can't be more than ten, however since she's standing with those to be reaped, I assume she is twelve. Effie walks over to the girls bowl, pulling out a sheet of paper and walking to the mic. She opens the paper, a gasping sigh escaping her. She looks to me, sadly and sympathetically, I don't understand the look, Prim's name isn't in the bowl. Then I realize, it's Gale's sister. She has drawn Posy's name from the bowl. I fight the urge to scream. She turns toward the guys and gives the same look to Peeta and a nod toward Haymitch. I don't understand, Peeta doesn't care about Gale's sister. Then Effie reads the name on the ballad.
"Rue Mellark," She sighs.
The girl from the crowd walks toward the stage. Peeta begins to walk toward her, being held back by Haymitch. I rush forward before I realize why; she is our daughter and she has just been chosen as tribute in the games. I walk quickly, knowing I have to reach her, stop her from coming to the stage. Haymitch has let go of Peeta and he is running toward the little girl, toward his daughter. I reach her first and pull her into my arms, Peeta reaching us quicky and holds both of us. Arms begin to lift us away from our daughter, peacekeepers. They escort us back to the stage, bringing my daughter up with them. The stand in front of Peeta and I, ensuring we cant reach her.
"No!" I yell at them, "She isn't going into your games! I volunteer!"
"Katniss," Peeta looks over toward me, taking my hand.
"Come on Rue," Effie offers a soft smile to her and extends her hand, "I don't bite." She walks over toward Effie, standing beside her.
"The biting is debatable," I hear Haymitch remark as he glares at the peacekeeper.
"I said I volunteer! I volunteer!" I yell at them again, being ignored again. I try to push through the peacekeepers to get to my daughter. "I volunteer as tribute!" I yell a final time, Peeta holding me so I can't push the peacekeeper.
"I volunteer," I wake up yelling the phrase, clutching Peeta and burying my face into his chest, tears stinging my eyes.
"Hey, it's okay. It's just a nightmare, it's okay." Peeta's soft voice offers me comfort and he rubs my back.
"It was real, it felt real. She was in the reaping, and I couldn't save her." I continue to cry.
"Prim is okay, she's back home. You already saved her Katniss. She is okay and you are okay."
"Not Prim," I look up at him, "Our daughter."
"What? Katniss, you said the baby idea was stupid, we aren't doing it. We aren't having a baby. It's okay. You don't have to worry about our child in the reaping." I pick up on how he phrases it, in a way that either of us might have a child one day, but it won't be with each other.
"I'm sorry. It just, it felt real."
"It's okay. I get them too, about other things." He holds onto me, leaning down and kissing my head. I fall asleep again, sleeping peacefully in Peeta's arms, no nightmares disturb me this time.
"Katniss!" I hear Effie outside of my door, knocking, "Get up! We have a big day ahead of us." I feel arms around me still as I wake up, looking up at Peeta.
"Morning," He smiles at me.
"Morning," I stand up looking around the room. Effie knocks on the door again, "I'm up Effie."
I walk into the bathroom, brushing my hair and teeth before walking back into the room to find some clothes. I open the closet door and shift through the various outfits inside. I find a pair of dark jeans and a knit top, which I gladly take off their hangers and make my way back into the bathroom to put on. Peeta may be okay with me seeing him in only his underwear, but I'm not okay with him seeing me in just mine and my bra. I walk back into the room to see that Peeta has made the bed, the corner of the sheets turned down a little bit. He is standing by the window, looking outside, still in his sweatpants but with a black t-shirt on as well. is standing in his sweatpants a black t-shirt. As he turns to face me, I see that the shirt and sweatpants hug his body just the right way, drawing attention to his more noticeable features under the clothes. We leave the room and walk to the dining car, as we approach the door, I hear Haymitch and Effie talking. I stick my arm out to stop Peeta from walking to close and setting off the sensor for the door to open. He stops and I motion for him to listen.
"Gone," Effie exclaims from inside the car, "Just gone! Nowhere to be seen!" I can hear her heels on the floor as she paces.
"It's a train Effie, where could he have even gone? Jumped out the window?"
"We are stationed in the capital. He could be anywhere!"
"You know, you're right Effie. I'm sure he decided to go for a walk in Snow's backyard, just for fun."
"This isn't funny! We have lost one half the victors from the 74th Hunger Games!"
"Did you ask Katniss? Check her room?"
"Oh, you've seen how they are with each other! They can barely read the words about being in love from cards I give them! There's no way he's in her room!"
"Don't be too sure about that. There was an awful lot of screaming from that general area of the train last night. Peeta might just have gotten something he's been wanting," Haymitch chuckles and I glace over at Peeta. He has turned red and won't meet my eyes.
"Peeta," I whisper to him and take his hand, "It's okay if you've thought about it or something," I shrug, acting like it's nothing.
"We should go in now, together or separate?" He asks him as he makes his way toward the door.
"They're going to ask either way, mine as well be together." With that we walk through the door, in the same room as Haymitch and Effie. Peeta clears his throat to get their attention.
"Peeta!" Effie breaths a sigh of relief, "Where were you? I couldn't find you this morning.
"I'm sorry. I was in Katniss's room. I spent the night there."
"What did I say," Haymtich remarks as he raises a glass to his lips.
"We didn't do anything," I say happy to announce this to them, make it known that Peeta and I are not sexually involved with each other. I notice Peeta's face fall when I say this and I make the connection that he must have wanted it to be real. I also notice the blush that creeps onto his cheeks.
"What did you do to the boy?" Haymitch laughs at how uncomfortable he's making us.
"Nothing. I'm going back to my room, not hungry and just want to prepare for tonight. I'll see you three this evening." With that I leave the room, still hearing Haymitch as I leave.
"Eh, so you made the move and she turned you down huh? Had to use the old hand method? Effie, do we still have any of those condoms on the train?"
"Haymitch!" Effie shouts at him. "Highly inappropriate! But yes, we do."
"I didn't even try," I hear the sadness and the longing in Peeta's voice, even without stopping to look back at him. He wants this to be real, but he thinks there's no point in trying because it's all an act for me.