"Perfect," Cinna remarks as my prep teams steps back, finished with their work.
My hair and makeup are done ahead of schedule. We still have an hour before we leave for the Presidential Estate. I'm wearing a tight-fitting black dress, with the appearance of feathers on it. My shoulders have a red accent on them, again with the appearance of feathers. My capital wardrobe consists of flames and feathers apparently. They make me appear strong is what Cinna has told me. No more little girl dresses, strong is desirable.
"Thank you, Cinna," I say to him.
"You're welcome Katniss," he says and turns to leave, my prep team already gone, "I'll see you soon."
I sit down in the chair beside the window. I can't help feeling relief that this is the last stop on our tour before we go home. I know things have changed during the tour, not only in the districts, but with myself, and Peeta, as well. I don't know what I will face going home, I know Gale is going to be upset, but I also know that I can't just cut Peeta loose like the last time we came home. As far as Panem knows, I'm engaged to Peeta. I'm sure Snow will make sure every detail of the journey from proposal to wedding is broadcast in the face of everyone in Panem. I also know this means will there have to be a wedding between Peeta and I sometime, and it will be broadcast so there is no way to avoid marrying him when that time comes, not without placing everyone I love in danger.
"Katniss," Effie calls from outside the room, "It's time to go."
"Coming," I call back to her.
I stand up and leave my room, meeting Peeta in the hallway on the way out. I feel nervous about seeing Snow, I've done my best to convince him of my love for Peeta. I can only hope that he is convinced. Haymitch has remarked multiple times about the improvement of my acting, I contribute it to knowing what I have to act perfectly to save my family, Gale, and Peeta, so I have acted perfectly. Though if I'm being honest, even I know I can't act that well and most of the time, it doesn't even feel acting anymore. Peeta reaches for my hand as we step onto the walkway at the presidential palace, knowing to expect camera's everywhere. We follow closely behind Effie and fireworks are set off above a giant white house that has been lit with a magnitude of colorful lights all around it. We are almost to the door as she starts to give us the usual appearance reminders.
"Chins up, smiles on," Effie takes a deep breath, "I am talking to you Katniss."
I can't help rolling my eyes at her remark, I know I'm not the most sociable person, but I can be polite when I have to be, even if it means playing the same side as Snow for the evening. She leads us through the house that has been crowded full of people in fashion like Effie's and multiple colors of hair. Essentially it looks as though a rainbow threw up inside of the mansion. She continues to ramble on about different things regarding the mansion and pointing through the crowd to different people and telling us that she will be introducing us later this this evening. I can't help scanning the crowd myself, looking for Snow. I can only hope that he's been convinced.
"Breath it all in," Effie leads us to the back door, opening it and revealing an even larger crowd and party in what I assume to be the backyard of the mansion, even though it is much bigger than yard I've seen before.
"It's cozy," Peeta remarks. I smile at his response; this was his nice way of saying crowded and overwhelming.
"Attitude!" Effie quickly corrects Peeta as we walk outside. She dismisses herself from us and leaves us to wander the party alone.
"It's okay. If we haven't already, then we will convince him tonight," Peeta whispers in my ear.
There are plenty of drinks and food here, more than enough to feed the people of District 12. Naturally Haymitch is chatting up some people with a drink in his hand, swinging it around in the air. I see a group of children, dressed in typical capital fashion. I imagine that their childhood is filled with happiness and luxury. They will never know hunger or fear, never have to attend a reaping. Never fear that the name being pulled from that bowl will be there or a loved one. Never have to know what it's like to watch your family or friends be killed on television. I imagine that they can sleep without nightmares of the faces of fallen tributes that have died so you could live. They will never be a piece in Snow's games. I know that Snow has a granddaughter, maybe more grandchildren as well, and many of the game makers and peacekeepers have children and grandchildren, younger siblings even. These children don't know how lucky they are to never worry about fighting in the Hunger Games, but these children are also no better than Prim. She is just the same as these kids, only difference is her district and they still wanted to force my sister to play in their games. It isn't fair for Prim to go through all of this while these children don't. This is just another reason why I don't want children, why I refuse to bring a child into this world.
"Lets dance," Peeta suggests from beside me, as if he can tell where my thoughts are and where they're heading.
"I don't dance," I shrug and offer a playful smile toward him. It is the truth though, I don't dance.
"Well, you do tonight." He takes me hand and leads me toward a dance floor that has been set up in the middle of the yard.
Peeta wraps an arm around my back, not near my waist, pulling me close to him. He begins to sway back and forth, this is a simple enough move to follow from him. I've seen people dance before, at celebrations in Twelve, or in school for fun, I just have never been one to join in, until now. I try something that I have seen before and spin away from Peeta, holding onto his hand and spinning back toward him. He catches me against his body and spins me around to face him. His face is lit up with a teasing smile.
"Thought you said you didn't dance?" He chuckles as he sways us again.
"I don't dance," I smile at him, "But I never said I can't dance."
He laughs again as his hand moves further down my back, closer to my waist. I lean down, resting my head on his shoulder, still holding his hand and my other arm wrapped around his neck. From over his shoulder I catch a glimpse of Snow as we spin around, he locks eyes with me and I raise my head from Peeta's shoulder. We stop dancing and he turns to look at Snow. Snow gives me a nod. Peeta and I exit the dancefloor after this. We make our way through the crowd, looking for Haymitch again.
"There you are! You two have got to try this," A capital person approaches us, handing us a tray of food and blocking our way around them.
"No thank you, we're full." Peeta politely declines the offer for the food, wrapping his arm around me.
"Well that's why we have this silly!" The same person hands both of us a champaign glass of golden liquid, "Drink up!"
I swish the glass around in my hand, watching Peeta take a drink of his. I know he is trying to be polite, but I don't trust anything from the capital. I look between Peeta and the capital person, I don't believe their drinks were poisoned, but that doesn't mean that mine isn't. If Snow wasn't convinced he could easily kill me right now. I look onto the balcony where he stands. He motions with his drink, holding it in the air and putting it to his lips. His meaning is clear, he expects me to drink. I remember his words inside my house, promising not to lie to me and reassuring me he doesn't want to kill me. He has no chance at unifying the districts without me, he needs me alive. I take a very small sip from the glass.
"What is this exactly?" I ask after risking the small sip.
"Oh it's lovely! It make's you sick so that you can continue eating! Otherwise, you could never try everything in one night!"
"What do you mean by it makes you sick?" I ask, not sure I want to hear the answer.
"It will make you sick so your stomach is empty, and you can continue with eating." The way they say this is as if the idea of throwing up your food is no big deal, "Come try some of these when it works."
They walk away and I turn toward Peeta, who is now looking pale. I know he drank most of his drink. I take his cup from him, setting it down on a table along with mine and wrapping my arms around him to comfort him. He pulls away from me and looks at me, he already looks miserable, and I feel bad for him. I take his hand and lead him away from the party, away from Snow's eyes, and out of view from everyone else. We continue to walk down the path until we reach the edge of some trees and can step off the path into the trees, adding a little bit of extra privacy. Although I know that there is still no complete privacy in the capital. Peeta drops my hand, leaning against one of the trees.
"Are you okay?" I ask him, feeling generally okay myself.
"I drank it, all of it." He mutters as he sits down, drawing his legs up to his chest and resting his head on his hands.
"I know." I make my to him and kneel down beside him, holding onto his arm, "I'm sorry."
"It's okay Katniss. You can go back if you want, I don't need you here during this."
"Do you want me to go?"
"No, but it's not fair for me to have you stay here while I'm sick."
"Okay, then I'm staying. It doesn't bother me." I've helped care for Prim while she was sick, even helped my mom take care of Gale when he'd gotten food poisoning.
"I feel awful," He sighs as he raises up on his knees, leaning away from me.
He dry heaves at first, nothing coming up. However, it isn't long before I hear him cough, followed by gagging. I don't have to look at him to tell he's throwing up. I reach over and rub his back, trying to comfort him as much as I can. It continues on for a couple of minutes and he sits up, wiping at his mouth with a handkerchief that he pulls from his pocket.
"I'm sorry you saw that."
"It's okay." I stand up and reach my hand out to help him up, "If you're okay, we should go back. People are probably missing us."
We walk back to the party. Once back, Haymitch approaches us with a blonde-haired man I've never seen before. Haymitch introduces him as Plutarch, the new head game maker. He asks me to dance, I glace at Peeta and he excuses himself, probably to wash out his mouth. I agree to the dance and we walk to the floor Peeta and I were on earlier. He places a hand on my waist and begins to dance in circles with me.
"How are you and Peeta enjoying the party?" He tries to make small talk.
"It's just a little bit overwhelming."
"You mean appalling?" He scoffs, "If you abandon any moral judgement you have, it could be fun I suppose. I mean I'm a head game maker after all, fun is my new job."
"Too much fun, isn't that what killed Seneca?"
"He decided to," he thinks about his choice of words, "He decided to quit breathing. It was either that or poisoned berries. Head game maker isn't always the most secure job."
"If that's the case, why are you here?"
"Same reason as you, I volunteered. Just to have the chance to make the games mean something," He looks at me, knowing I must be about to object to the ridiculous idea of the games meaning anything but fear, "Or maybe it was you that inspired me."
I want to ask him what he means by this, how did I inspire him? I hear Peeta come up behind us, placing a hand on my shoulder, his breath smelling like mint now. Plutarch steps back, nodding toward Peeta. The anthem that is played nightly in the games plays overhead now. Everyone turns their attention to the balcony of the presidential mansion, including Plutarch, Peeta, and myself. Snow stops further out onto the balcony and extends his arms, automatically the crowd falls silence.
"Welcome everyone. We have thrown this celebration for the last night of the victory tour for our two victors. Two young souls, madly in love, that symbolize the strength and valor of our nation. I would also like to offer my personal congratulations to them on the announcement of their engagement. Your love has inspired all of us," He looks right at me, staring into my eyes, "I know it will go on inspiring us every day, for as long as you may live."
Those words have sealed my fate, my future completely is now determined by those words. I belong to Snow. He will never stop exploiting the love story that has come out of the games, not until one of us dies. Peeta and I will always have to be in love, always be the happy couple from District Twelve that was granted mercy by President Snow to allow both of us to live together since we could not live without each other. I will never get out of the act with Peeta. This is my life now and I will always be tied to him.
Snow ends his speech with a toast to Peeta and I, to our victory and our engagement. He presses his drink to his lips, only taking a drink after everyone has turned their attention elsewhere. He knows I'm still watching though. As he takes his drink, his glass fills with an auburn color liquid that I assume to be blood. I'm confused as to why he allows me to see this, is it a show of weakness? Or did it occur by accident? I walk with Peeta to the refreshment table, a bubbling pink drink is set out, this is what Haymitch had in his hand earlier, so I know it must be safe to drink. I pick one up, offering one to Peeta. I drink it first, showing him, it is safe, unlike the one he was given earlier. I taste the alcohol in it as I drink, Peeta must notice too as he sets his drink back down quickly, without finishing it. I'm not an alcohol fan, but I decide to have one more, hopefully enough to knock this whole evening out of my head, at least for a while. After I finish my second, Effie finds us, Haymitch in tow, and informs us its time to return to the train.
We board the train again, Haymitch and Effie telling us goodnight and disappearing. For the next week, we will be on the train, returning to Twelve. We will have a couple of informal interviews discussing wedding plans, but nothing over the top or demanding from us. My head was feeling a little bit fuzzy from the alcohol, but nothing that a shower and some rest wouldn't fix. I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself, but Peeta insists on helping me back to my room. He turns my shower on, laying a towel and some clothes on the sink for me. I make my way into the bathroom, shutting the door just enough that there is a small opening, incase I end up needing Peeta's help. I manage to shower and dress myself. I'm drying my hair when he walks in, dressed again in a pair of sweatpants and missing a shirt.
"How are you feeling?" He asks me as I turn off the hair dryer.
"Okay, I'm honestly just tired. What about you?"
"I'm better now that the drink has worn off. Do you want to go to bed?"
I nod and he leads me to the bed, turning the covers down and getting into the bed. He gets comfortable and leans back, allowing me to do the same. I lay beside him, staring at the lights outside the train window, the party at Snow's must still be going on. The train hasn't left the capital yet, I assume we will leave tomorrow morning. Peeta notices the lights filling the room through the window and reaches for the remote on the table beside the bed. He pushes a button that draws a light curtain over the window, blocking the light from entering the room. I lay my head on his chest and he wraps his arm around me, fingers running through my hair. I fall asleep like this.
I wake up and look around the room, there is a slight amount of light coming in through the window. There is no noise from outside the room. I lay my head back down on Peeta's chest. He wraps his arm around me again. He is awake too and I lean up to face him. I look into his eyes, he hasn't just woken up, he's been awake. For all I know, maybe he hasn't slept yet.
"What time is it? Have you gotten any sleep?" I ask him.
"It's about five something in the morning. I got some sleep, just woke up about an hour ago while the sun started to rise and didn't want to miss it. Just haven't been able to go back to sleep since."
"Oh." I realize that the blanker covering us has shifted a little bit, exposing the lower half of Peeta's body, with a bulge, only slightly noticeable, that is covered only by those sweatpants that look so good on him, "Peeta?"
"Yeah," he looks at me, our eyes meeting each other's and that magnetic pull growing between us again, this time I don't fight it.
I lean forward and press my lips against him, craving the feeling of them against mine, needing to have him against me. I can feel his hesitation in meeting how deep I'm kissing him. Something about this seems right, it feels like my lips have been made for his. He gently pushes me off him and sits up.
"Katniss, you don't have to pretend here, there's no cameras."
"I know," I leans toward him again, "I'm not pretending."
Our lips meet again. More feverish and filled with desire this time. There is an urgency to this kiss, a desperation I haven't felt before. I feel his tongue slide between my lips as it battles against mine, He wraps his fingers in my hair. We begin to undress each other and ourselves, clothes becoming scattered within the room. He needs me, and I need him. I lean back, taking a deep breath as he sinks himself inside of me for the first time, my first time and his first time.