I'm not good with goodbyes. I'm not even good with "hey I'll be back see you later." Not necessarily in the sense that I hesitate to say the words, but almost entirely in the fact that I just can't bring myself to share important personal details about myself with people.

If that even made sense. I hesitate in saying the words, not because I can't say them but because I'm hesitant on sharing things about myself. Especially to people close to me.

One time, when I was younger but not THAT much younger. Oh god it was only three years ago… which made me 22. Where the hell did the time go?

Getting off topic. One time when I was younger, I had plans to visit someone on the other side of the country. Instead of telling my parents that I was going to do that, whom I lived with because finding housing in the US and especially in California is doomed, I packed my bags and was halfway out the door until my mom caught me. At 3am.

Instead of just mentioning… at any point… a single time… in the two weeks that I had made my trip and was going, I anxiously put it off and didn't tell them because I didn't know how to communicate such a thing.

Which is like. Really stupid. I literally have a communication degree. But that was so much easier to use with strangers I would never see again or coworkers.

Oh god I'm getting embarrassed.

My mom didn't care, by the way. She was kinda annoyed that I didn't tell her and also woke her up at 3am. But yeah. She knew I was responsible and that I wouldn't do anything crazy like getting into a cult. Or getting pregnant. Or getting someone else pregnant.

What?

That's not funny?

Boo. You buzzkill.

Anyways. I got to go now. See you later.

…

I'm hilarious, can't you tell?

Chapter 7. Maybe Goodbye Will Be Our Always.

I couldn't quite tell where I was. It was a clearing of some sort, one that I didn't recognize at all. There were flowers that bloomed from the ground. It could almost be called a meadow if it weren't for the concrete path that bled from the greenery. That path continued a short distance until It reached the back entrance of a building.

A hospital, perhaps? It reminded me of the one in the city I grew up in.

It was night time, and it was devoid of light. The only thing that brought any sort of illumination to the area was the innumerable amount of buzzing insects whose tails all lit up.

I could vaguely remember a song about this scenario.

They lit up the area well enough that I could see a girl sitting on one of the benches. Her features were obscured, not from any physical reason. But it was like the information passed over her mind and washed away anything that might have been retained.

"Oh. You're back." The girl said.

It took me a while to respond. Like the functions in my body were slow and sluggish. I half expected myself to respond automatically, like some sort of dream-

Oh. I was in a dream. A lucid one.

"Hello." I said simply.

"Good evening." The girl returned. "You never told me your name last time. You left as quickly as you appeared. Like this time."

I couldn't remember a last time. But dreams were dreams.

"I'm Zenith."

"Are you a ghost?"

I blinked. "No?"

"You're not sure?"

No, she was just surprised at the question. "Last I checked I was alive and well. Unless dreams count as being a ghost."

It was odd that I got the impression that she quirked an eyebrow at me yet couldn't actually see it. Was this what prosopagnosia was like?

"Hmm." She said, as if her interest had evaporated. She made a vague gesture to the countless number of insects lighting up the night sky. "Do you think if there were enough of these, that they could carry me off to the sea?"

Another nonsensical question. On the surface at least. It didn't take a literature major to see what she wanted.

"Have you ever been to the sea?"

She shook her head. "No, never."

"It's very blue. And cold. And a lot of the time the sand is too hot."

I had her attention. I could tell even without being able to make out any details.

"Sometimes if you don't stretch before going in the water you'll cramp up and that's painful. Depending on your body you'll either sink or float, but most people are able to swim." I continued.

"And you?"

"Err. I sink. I've never been able to get the hang of swimming honestly."

I opened my mouth to continue speaking and-

I jolted awake as my alarm started to screech.

My head hurt as my dream slipped away from me. It was a mundane one, but strangely coherent. I didn't think too much about it as I realized exactly what day it was.

The day of reckoning.

Or, alternatively, the self imposed deadline that I put into play as a restriction for telling people that I would not be staying on Belobog and would be heading off with the Trailblaze crew.

Right.

We love procrastination in this house.

Truthfully it had only been two days since the entire ordeal with the Stellaron and Cocolia had been sorted out, and that was honestly two days more than I had been expecting to get. I wasn't sure if the astral express was going to head off immediately after the stellaron was sealed, but instead they insisted on sticking around for three days to make sure that everything was right and dandy.

Nothing much really happened in the span of that entire time. Bronya took over as Supreme Guardian. The team weaved an entire story about how Cocolia had discovered a way to end the eternal freeze and wanted to retire, having done her duty as Supreme Guardian.

Bullshit? Yeah. But Cocolia herself went with it. Something about her wanting to turn over a new leaf. Bronya had been ecstatic, if a bit hesitant. Her trust had been shattered and rebuilding that with her mother would take some time. The others had chosen to believe her as well. The influence of the Stellaron was not to be underestimated, and I myself had been exposed to it.

It said some interesting things too. Which is why I had a full schedule this entire day. I had asked yesterday if it was possible to talk to Cocolia. She had said yes, of course. She'd do anything in her power to help me as thanks for saving her mother.

I sighed as I slipped into the shower. That was also weird to think about. Me? The savior of Cocolia? I mean- yes that had been my intention, a plan cooked in the moment, but actually being acknowledged as such? Certainly a weird feeling.

Oh my god I nearly moaned as the hot water hit my body. Sure I have had the luxury of such a thing for the past two days, courtesy of the Underworld being reconnected to the Belobog surface, as well as technically having access to the very fancy showers on the Astral Express (Which I wasn't using at the moment but seriously, why were they so fancy? March literally bragged about them and sent me pictures of the showers themselves). But I couldn't help myself. Those two days that I had been here prior to that I had desperately missed hot water and a shower. My poor hair was battered against the elements.

My train of thought had been broken. Where was I? Being thanked by Bronya for saving her mother? Right. I had scheduled a meeting with Cocolia in an attempt to figure out what the Stellaron told her in a last ditch effort to find out what exactly the Stellaron knew about me. Then I had a date with Bronya and Seele, not an actual date, where I would say my goodbyes. Then I would do some rounds and pack my things from the underground.

Actual communication for these things would have been a hassle, but thankfully I got a new phone, courtesy of being a member of the Express. Fully up to date and one of the latest IPC models. Or so March claimed.

Apparently the equivalent of SIM cards existed in models nearly a millenia out of date and still worked with the newer models. Who would have guessed?

I had a working line of communication with everyone, but swapping a sim card out didn't mean I had access to whatever was on my old phone, not even my texts. Unfortunate but that was a mystery for another day.

I dried myself off as I stepped out of the shower. I got all my necessities out of the way while the bathroom was still nice and steamy. It took me a bit of time, but I thought I looked decent enough. Not dressed as cute as I would if I was on a date, but it'd probably be a little weird to show up like that when meeting with Cocolia.

I mean, not that Cocolia isn't good looking because my god those hips-

Uh.

Nevermind.

I hated my mind sometimes.

ANYWAYS I was all set and ready, so I texted Bronya as such and stepped outside my temporary apartment to Belobog's elements.

It was gifted to me by Bronya, yet another thing that she forced on me as a 'reward'. Housing crisis? Not in Belobog! I was probably going to just give it away to Natasha or Seele (unless they also got an apartment as a reward). Or keep it as a vacation home or something.

Bronya met me at the entrance of the Qlipoth's fort. We exchanged greetings before she led the way.

That was how I met her mother.

If there was one thing that I specifically requested when it came to meeting Cocolia, it was that I talked with her alone. Bronya was, understandably, a little nervous about that. But it wasn't that hard to convince her. I was a non-combatant, I just wanted to ask some questions she might not feel comfortable answering around her daughter or some guards.

And guards there were. Cocolia, while not in jail or prison for whatever crimes against humanity she committed, was essentially in house arrest.

And I was alone with her.

If there was one thing that I hadn't gotten a chance to do in the past few days, surrounded by people who knew me before I transmigrated, it was to be myself. it wasn't as if I wasn't myself. As if that somewhat awkward, nerdy girl who got flustered by hot women wasn't me (why the hell did I use that as a defining trait?). But it wasn't exactly the whole me.

I was nice. I was friendly. I could play those two roles well. I wasn't overly outgoing but I could easily hold my own in a conversation. Most of the time, at least.

It was a lot easier when I wasn't trying to balance between being who I body snatched and who I am currently.

"Hello!" I said, starting off friendly.

"Hello." Cocolia all but drawled. "I remember you. You were there up on Everwinter Hill. You were the one who commanded Svarog."

"Yep. That's me." I took the time to actually look Cocolia over. She looked… haggard. There were deep circles under her eyes that couldn't be hidden even with makeup, not to mention the slight slouch in her seat. Despite that, she still had a sharp gleam in her gaze. "I just wanted to ask you a few questions."

That got a nearly imperceptible inhale and sigh from the former Supreme Guardian. I can't imagine how many times she had people come in for 'questions' in the past few days. "I've already answered everything regarding the Stellaron. It's been documented, put on a transcript and filed away by Bronya."

"Right. I know that." I didn't really, I sort of just assumed that was the case though. "I just wanted to ask specifically about the voice of the Stellaron."

"All of that is also in the transcripts."

I ignored her. "Has it ever said to you things that it shouldn't have known?"

"Plenty of times. It knew each and every Supreme Guardian. It knew more than I did regarding Belobog's state of affairs and history."

Well. That wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear. I should probably be more specific.

"What 'path' did the Stellaron identify you as?"

Cocolia didn't respond. She stared at me, looking for something. I too, was looking for something.

In the past two days I hadn't just been procrastinating saying goodbye. I mean, I had, but it wasn't as if I was doing nothing. There was practically no information worth anything regarding paths that Belobog had at ready, and any that they did was practically medieval compared to what the Astral Express had. They had archives that spanned so many pages that it would make my head spin, but I was mostly interested in the Remembrance.

The Stellaron had mentioned the remembrance. And then it called me a 'Scourge of the Glowswather'. Whatever that meant, it had clearly known something about me that I had no knowledge of. It was the same with Svarog. I had asked the robot what he meant by Record-Keeper, but he simply stated that I was, and always will be, the Record-Keeper for Belobog and didn't elaborate further.

"Remembrance?" I made a guess.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Is there a point to these questions?"

"Do you know what a 'Scourge of the Glowswather' is?"

"No."

"What about 'Record-Keeper'?"

"If I answer, will you leave?"

"Probably not." I said honestly.

If there was one thing that I could give Cocolia credit for, it was that even if she seemed extremely annoyed by me and my questions, she somehow still looked dignified. Not like I was intentionally trying to annoy her, but I did need answers.

The former Supreme Guardian sighed. "I've only heard of the term a few times. If you know of the term you likely are one or know one."

"Svarog called me a Record-Keeper."

"Then you are this generation's Record-Keeper. What more do you need to know? You record events, and use your borrowed power to take notes of future possibilities."

I blinked. Record events? I mean, that was self explanatory from the name. "...What power?" I asked.

"It's not a topic that I've deemed important enough to remember. It's probably in the archives, but don't expect too much. It's a much less important role than you might think. We have historians for a reason, and people dedicated to researching past events to predict the future."

"Right." That unfortunately made a lot of sense as well.

"So unfortunately for you. I'm all out of things to tell you." She said, crossing her arms in a manner that clearly said she was done with the entire conversation.

'Unfortunately for you' Cocolia, I wasn't done. I still felt some responsibility for her survival, and because of that I wanted to at least get some insight as to whatever the Mother-Daughter duo was going to do to make it up to each other.

If such things could even be made up. Trying to kill off an entire civilization might be difficult to reconcile with.

But that wasn't really my problem! I decided on the blunt route.

"So what's your plans on reconciling with your daughter?" I bluntly asked.

"Excuse me?" Cocolia said, more than asked. It was as if she was giving me a chance to take back what I just said because holy crap that glare was ice cold.

I shivered. It felt like it had physically gotten colder. "Bronya clearly still cares about you. I doubt you two would want to not be on talking terms the rest of your lives."

"And how is that any of your business?"

It really wasn't but… "Well I'm the entire reason you're alive." I said bluntly.

"What a wonderful gift you've given me." She said, sarcasm dripping like venom.

"It really is." I said before I could think. My heart was beating especially loudly. "I mean, imagine if you just died and left everyone else to clean up your mess."

She huffed at the prospect of such a thing. I could tell talking about Bronya was an especially sensitive spot. "There would be no mess to clean up if you-"

"Just think about it! You lost and you're here now and you're acting like a pouty little kid! Just accept that fact and face the consequences of your actions. I thought you were like me and saw things through to the end once you started something, even if it meant losing." I interrupted her by speaking over her.

"You have no idea who I am." Cocolia snarled.

I nodded. "Yep. I thought I did, but all I see in front of me is a little sore loser who's too much of a coward to even face her daughter. Did you even apologize to her yet?"

"Don't speak about our relationship as if you know anything."

I shrugged. My head felt like it was in the clouds, and not in a good way. "I'm just saying what I see. And if I see this sort of thing, imagine what Bronya thinks?"

Cocolia was silent after that. She glared at me still, but I clearly must have gotten some point across.

"Well then… I got to go now bye!" I said abruptly, speed walking towards the door and quickly stepping outside. I shut it closed and slumped against the wall.

Bronya was there, who gave me a surprised look.

"I- Uh. I might have pissed off your mom. Sorry, let me just catch my breath."

"...What?" Bronya questioned.

I simply ignored her while I took some deep breaths. Hopefully my nosiness paid off. I didn't exactly like sticking my neck out like that for someone I barely know, but I felt like it was something I should do.

At least I learned a valuable lesson.

That old saying of not messing with a mama bear definitely wasn't limited to just bears. Older women are scary when their daughters are involved.

Doomsday. The apocalypse. Rapture. Calamity.

If I wanted more synonyms I'd have to use a thesaurus, but it wouldn't do anything to stop my impending doom in the form of 'I need to tell someone something very important but I procrastinated and now it's last minute so they're probably going to be mad'.

Hmm. Someone should come up with a word for that. I'm sure it's a common enough phenomenon that it deserves a term for it.

"Zenith."

"Geh." I let out.

Seele was in front of me. Bronya was sitting perpendicular to us. We had gone to some sort of Belobogian cafe that our new Supreme Guardian used to frequent. She had apparently wanted to take Seele here and used this as an excuse to steer the encounter to said restaurant.

I was thankful for it. It should be easier saying this in public where there was less risk of an angry scythe wielding girl going berserk and attacking me. Not that I thought Seele would do that. Or that being in public would somehow cause her to be more mindful. Or that I could survive if she got angry. Or-

"Zenith. You're drifting off again." Seele interrupted my thoughts. Again.

Damn. How could I derail this. 'Seele I'm pregnant'? No. That… uh… yeah just no. It was on the bucket list to fuck with someone that way. But not here. It was time to be serious. I owed It to one of my only friends here to do so. Doubly so since I snatched the previous Zenith away.

I took a deep breath.

"Please don't tell me you're pregnant" Seele interjected before I could speak.

My mouth froze halfway open. It took me a second to process what she said. Did she read my thoughts? Was she trying to fuck with me?

"...No."

"Good. You tried that excuse a year back and then spent the next two days complaining about your period."

Darn you previous Zenith. You're stealing things off my bucket list and then disappearing into thin air. The entire reason I was having so much trouble with this is because I had only a vague estimate of the relationship between me, Seele, and whomever I took over.

If she were a stranger then I'd have no hesitation at all with this. If she were a close friend whom I've known for years then I'd probably have just as little trouble (unless she was my mom but she's not so it's fine). The problem is that she was in this weird in between where she was a stranger to me but a friend to Zenith.

Oh well. When in doubt, do something first, apologize later.

"Uh. Right. No." I paused for a second before barreling through my sentence before I could hesitate. "Yeah so the thing is that I'm actually going to be leaving with the Astral Express which means I'll be leaving tomorrow when they leave Belobog and I'm not sure if or when I'll be back."

Seele stared at me for a few seconds. I could practically see the gears in her head turning before her eyes widened and she slammed her hands down on the table and stood up. The cups and utensils rattled to the point where I almost thought they might tip over.

"You-" Seele started

"Wow. Congratulations Zenith." Bronya said loudly. It completely overshadowed the start of Seele's sentence.

Seele faltered at the interruption and turned to stare at Bronya, who stared back. There was an entire conversation that passed through the two that I completely missed out on, solely through eye contact.

It was kind of impressive really, the way that Seele just sighed and slumped back down in her chair. It was as if all her anger dissipated from that simple gaze.

I was honestly a little jealous. It had only been, what, a week since those two met? Would I ever get a relationship like that with someone?

"Well… that's sudden." Seele said.

I took a breath to calm my heart. "Yeah. Sorry. I was trying to figure out how to tell you and the others but ended up procrastinating away my time and spent two days doing other things."

Seele sighed. "One day you're going to procrastinate too much for too long to the wrong person and they're not going to take it well."

I tried not to think about every single college assignment I've ever done and how they've mostly all been last minute. How I'd carefully plan out my day and analyze what assignment I needed to do to estimate how much time it'd take and how long I could put it off for.

"...Yeah probably." I conceded.

It was silent again. The awkwardness of the situation was palpable. From what I've managed to pick up from the past few days of being with her, Seele was very much a 'punch first, talk later' type of person. And I wasn't exactly much better.

I honestly didn't know how she felt about the entire thing, but it obviously upset her to some degree. I considered her a friend, and if I were in her shoes I probably would be surprised. But upset? Probably not as much as most people.

"Are you sure about this?" Seele asked.

I nodded. There were plenty of things I wasn't sure about everything related to my situation. But I knew that staying in Belobog wouldn't help.

Well, maybe it would, after all if I swapped with Zenith in Belobog then maybe there was a way to swap back. But that was like floundering around in the dark. Much better to have something that could guarantee progress, such as the Express visiting Earth.

"Yeah. There's… something I have to do with the Astral Express. Places I have to visit. It's not something I decided lightly."

"Oh." Seele frowned. "...So this is goodbye?"

"Yeah. I guess it is goodbye."

"...Goodbye, I guess."

"Goodbye…"

The two of us averted our gaze from each other. What the hell was I doing? I was a 25 year old woman who felt like I was breaking up with my high school friend as we went off to college.

"Goodbye." Seele repeated.

I looked at Seele's face, and it was honestly pouting for a bit. She looked like a wet cat. I couldn't help it. I had to cover my mouth to stifle a giggle.

"Pft." Some of my laughs leaked out.

I clearly didn't silence myself enough, because Seele looked back and made a baffled face. Her eyes went wide and she looked offended. I felt bad, but at the same time the mighty fighter who fearlessly took on Cocolia and plenty of other fights looking like a sad pet was too much.

"Sorry. I just-" I tried to apologize, but coughed as another giggle rose up. "You look like a sad wet cat."

Seele blinked. "What's a cat?"

I flubbed as I realized that Belobog didn't have those kinds of animals. "Uh, it's just an off-world animal. I read about them. It's not an insult. They're cute."

Bronya raised an eyebrow. I hoped to whatever deity there was that she wasn't going to get territorial or count that as flirting. It wasn't.

"I… okay?"

"I mean, it's not like I'm dying. I'll still be able to send everyone messages especially now that Belobog is open to outer space travel again. I know you two also got new phone models to keep in contact with the others."

"As long as you're happy with it, I guess it's probably for the best. Anyone could tell you weren't the happiest here." Seele sighed.

"Yeah… I just wanted to… formally say goodbye and explain things. I didn't want to just leave without saying anything."

"Thanks. You took your sweet time to tell me but thanks, for explaining things, and saying goodbye, and not just disappearing… and also helping out with everything these past few days."

"Of course." I said. Then blanked out on what else to follow up with. "So… goodbye?"

Seele didn't seem to mind that. Maybe she was just as awkward as I was. I wasn't sure how that was possible as sometimes I felt like the most awkward person on earth. Business meetings were so much easier than this.

"Goodbye."

Then we stared at each other. Neither of us moved. This entire thing reminded me vaguely of some show or book I read years back. I think it was in high school. What did they say again?

"...Maybe goodbye will be our always."

Seele made an indecipherable face. "Zenith… I don't get your references most of the time. Sorry."

I deflated just the tiniest bit. "Ah. Yeah. Don't worry about it." Another reason to get back to Earth as soon as I can. Nobody understood my pop culture references here.

Bronya laughed off to the side. I wasn't entirely certain but I had the feeling that it was because of the disappointment on my face. Or maybe it was because seeing two idiots flail around in a social aspect was funny. Was Bronya an extrovert?

After that, we didn't actually part ways and instead made rounds to the underground where they went with me to say goodbye to a few people, namely Natasha. When the day was nearing its end. I split up from them and retreated back to my new apartment which had most of my stuff in it.

I packed up what I didn't already have stuffed away and set off to bed. Hopefully tomorrow was fine.

The Astral Express was welcoming.

I had to trek, with the chaperone of March 7th, through the outlands of Belobog's permafrost remnants of a forest to reach a space anchor to actually get up to the Astral Express, but when I did I was certainly in for a treat.

The interior decor, the couches, the laid back atmosphere. It all reminded me of a good lounge in a luxury hotel. It was even complete with a hooded girl with a crystalline face that introduced herself as 'Messenger'.

Oh. And apparently I was the only one who could see her!

"Well isn't this a surprise." Messenger said, right next to March 7th. The pink haired girl didn't seem to notice anything wrong.

"What a… nice surprise." I said vaguely.

March just nodded as she assumed I was talking to her. "I know right! We spent a lot of time figuring out the inside decorations but I like how it came out."

I'd like to write it off as me going crazy but Stelle on the other side of the cabin was clearly glancing between me and the hooded girl.

Perhaps I forgot more about Star Rail than I realized.

Start: April 15th. 2024.

End: April 29th. 2024.

Words: 4849.

Holy crap I just had the worst semester of my life. Not in the sense that I did bad but holy crap I was so busy I never want to take another math class ever again. At least I'm done. Only thing I have left is the final. I should be back to writing more consistently now.

Also this chapter is like 2k words longer than I meant it to be. Oops.

We love our awkward girlfailures! Namely Zenith! Because she's a little stupid doodoohead who thinks she can navigate conversations but she actually can't because conversations are honestly really hard how do people do this oh god why do I keep putting my foot in my mouth!

Uh… Next chapter hopefully next week.

For those reading on Fanfiction dot net. I don't usually respond to reviews but I do read them. I respond to comments on Ao3 though, which I crosspost this on. Just a side note if you ever want to interact with me.

The main reason is that this site HATES emails and it constantly refuses to tell me anything even though I've done everything I can to fix it. So I never know if someone leaves a comment or anything.