I take a deep, steadying breath. I am going back into the arena next month. I am almost seven months pregnant, and I am going back into the games next month. There is no way for me to avoid this, not unless I want to spill my secret to Snow. Even then, he still won't make an exception, and it won't keep Peeta safe. Peeta. I have to go see Haymitch, he is the only one that will be able to protect Peeta now. I stand up and make my way back to the victor's village, walking as quickly as I'm able to. I don't bother to knock on is door, I just walk right in. He is sitting on his couch, with a drink in his hand, like usual. I make my way over to him and sit beside him.
"Ah, finally put the pieces together, have we? I'm assuming you came here to what? Ask me to die?"
"I came to drink."
I take the bottle from him and take a swig of the alcohol. It burns my throat as it goes down, making me gag. I take another, and another, until the bottle is almost empty. The burning feeling distracting me from the real reason I'm here. Shit, the baby. I put the bottle down quickly, gagging on the alcohol. I just drank and I'm pregnant. I look away from Haymitch, he doesn't know about the baby. I want to tell him, I want to fall apart and tell him that I'm pregnant and that I'm scared and that I don't want to die, but that I need to keep Peeta alive because everyone knows I'm not coming home again. This baby is going to need Peeta.
"You have to save him. Whatever it takes, you have to make sure Peeta lives."
"So, what if I told you that he was here about thirty minutes ago, begging me to save you? Begging to let him be the one in that arena with you?"
"No. Haymitch, Peeta lives. Not me. Please, promise me."
"If they call his name, I'll volunteer. But if not... there's nothing I can do."
"Thank you," I can feel the little alcohol I had starting to have its effect on me.
"You know, you could live a thousand lifetimes and never deserve that boy."
"I know," I sigh.
I stand up to leave, clutching my stomach as I start to feel sick again. I can just hope that I didn't hurt the baby with my horrible lapse in judgement. I'd forgotten I was pregnant and drank in that moment. I am reassured that my baby is okay I feel movement inside of me. I hold onto my stomach more, feeling the movement against my hand and I can't help but smile. I make my way out of his house and walk across the victor's village to my house. I get inside the door and a pair of strong arms pulls me against them. I breath in his scent and tears burn my eyes as Gale holds me. He runs his fingers through my hair. Over his shoulder I can see my mom holding Prim and Peeta sitting on the couch, his head in his hands.
"I'm so sorry Katniss. We should've left when you asked. I wish we would've left, we could've been so far gone by now, all of us."
"No. We shouldn't have," I look up at him, his eyes meeting mine, "We would've made things worse had we left."
"I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for abandoning you when you told me about the baby. You told me that and you wanted me to be here for you, even if it is just as your best friend. I'm so sorry."
He walks with me into the kitchen and pulls something from a bag on the table. I notice it's a onesie, baby hat, and a baby rattle, he tells me that he had his mom make the onesie and hat and that he made the rattle. I feel the tears burning my eyes and streaming down my face again. I love it. I take it from him and hold it against my miniature bump. He laughs a little bit; I've missed his laugh. I've missed him. I feel the sickness in my stomach again and set the onesie down, quickly making my way over to the sink and throw up. Gale is behind me with in an instant, holding up my hair and rubbing my back. I hear Peeta making his way in too. He doesn't come over to us, I assume he is standing in the doorway of the kitchen. I finish and wipe my mouth with the paper towel Gale hands to me. I throw the towel into the trash and sit down at the table. Peeta walks over to me and kisses my forehead as Gale rinses out the sink.
"I want to help the three of you train for the Quell. We can meet in the woods, every Sunday until the reaping. Starting tomorrow." Gale volunteers as he looks over at Peeta and I, "Let Haymitch know. Also, make sure he's sober, I'm not training a drunk. While you're at it, tell him if he ever gives Katniss another drink, I will personally ensure there is no alcohol in twelve that he can get."
"What? When did you drink with him?" Peeta looks at me, concern feeling his eyes.
"Just a little bit ago... I just wasn't thinking. How did you know?" I look up at Gale.
"I could smell it on you. I mean it Katniss, never again. Get some rest. I'll be back in the morning."
"It's after dark, you'll be killed if they see you," I try to reason with Gale.
"It's okay, I can stay out of view. My house isn't far."
"Gale," Peeta reaches into his pocket, "Here. You can stay there tonight, I'm going to stay with Katniss." I notice Peeta has handed Gale the key to his house, which is right across from mine and there is hardly any chance of him being caught.
"I'll just go home. See you two in the morning," He walks out the door, more quickly than I would've liked, but I know he is still bothered by seeing me with Peeta.
Peeta helps me upstairs and we get ready and lay down in bed, I curl up to him, wanting nothing more than to be held by him. He kisses me softly and I return the kiss. I lay my head back down on his chest and he runs his fingers down my back as I fall asleep in his arms quickly.
***********************************************************************************************"Hey Katniss," Peeta kisses my forehead as he walked in the door after work. I hold our baby and a little girl chases a boy around the house, playing tag. I assume these are both our kids as well and I smile at them. I look up and notice a punch of white powder in Peeta's hair.
"Peeta," I laugh, "You've got flour in your hair!"
"I know," he smiles, "I was hoping that you could help me get it out?"
"I would but your daughter decided not to take a nap today."
"Let me see her," I hand her to him, and he gently rocks her in his arms. She coos and then yawns, laying her head on Peeta's shoulder and falling asleep.
"How did you do that," I whisper.
"She's obviously a daddy's girl," he smiles at me and walks upstairs, laying her down into her crib, "Now can you help me?"
"I would love to," I laugh and kiss him. I follow him downstairs and find the kids watching some movie with a tornado in it.
"Hey kiddos, I have to talk to your mommy about something so we will be upstairs in our room. Just come up and knock if you need us, okay?"
"Okay," they say in unison, not taking their eyes off the TV. Peeta sweeps me up and carries me upstairs, kissing me before setting me down to turn on the water to the bathtub.
"We're taking a bath? I thought I was just helping you get flour out of your hair," He reaches for my hand and helps me into the tub after we have taken off our clothes.
"I know, but is this okay with you?"
"Of course," I settle into the tub, and he climbs in behind me.
I wake up, Peeta still holding me tightly in his sleep. Tears are streaming down my face; it was just a dream. It was just a dream and I want it to be real. I seemed happy, I felt happy and Peeta looked so happy too. The kids were happy and playing, there was no talk about the reaping or hunger games. I want that dream to be real, I wish that was the world we would be able to welcome our baby into, but I know it's not. I know I have Peeta, as long as I want him, but I want that happy moment. I just want to be that happy and feel that safe. I climb out of bed and walk to my window, it looks right into the window of Peeta's room at his house, I see the light is on and notice a figure moving around, Gale decided to stay there after all.
I know I should probably look away; for all I know, he could have some other girl there and I know I couldn't stand to see that. Although, I think he would have told me if that was the case. I notice he has a towel around him, and he lets it fall to the floor, picking up some pants and sliding them on. I can't see anything in detail, but it still makes me feel funny to see Gale like this, knowing he is there with nothing on. I've seen him without a shirt and in his boxers many times, but this is a first. I wonder what he would do if he knew I was watching. He pulls a shirt on and turns to go to bed; he stops when he sees the window and notices my house. He smiles at me, laughing a little bit. He waves and then disappears; I assume going to bed. I walk back to my bed and lay down with Peeta again, cuddling into him. He wakes up just enough to wrap his arms back around me and kiss me on my forehead again before we both fall asleep again.
In the morning I wake up to a room full of sunlight and an empty bed. The nausea I've become so familiar with doesn't bother me; I don't feel it. I get out of my bed, glancing out the window to Peeta's house. I walk downstairs and see Peeta, Haymitch, Gale, Prim, and my mother all sitting around our table. The smell of coffee is strong, I notice that Haymitch and Gale both have a cup. I'm not sure what I was expecting to see, but it definitely wasn't this. I make my way into the room and pour a cup of coffee for myself; I've only had some a couple of times when we were in the capital. I fill a plate with some eggs and eat them while I'm standing at the counter. Gale winks at me, causing a warm blush to reach my cheeks.
"Morning, so nice of you to join us Sweetheart," Haymitch raises his coffee cup up to me, "Thank you, for getting my alcohol taken away."
"What?"
"I woke up to Peeta here dumping my alcohol down the drain and informing me that he's already threatened anyone in twelve about selling to me."
"You need to be sober to train," Gale tells him, "Which we need to be starting."
"Next time, don't let Katniss drink." Peeta stands up, walking to me and whispering, "I didn't tell him, about the baby."
"Trust me, that won't be happening again."
"I'm going to change, I can meet you all at the usual spot if you want to go ahead," I say to Gale and Peeta.
They nod as the walk out of the kitchen. Haymitch follows them and I notice Gale giving each of them a pair of boots. I excuse myself from the kitchen as they leave and walk into my room to get ready. I slip into a pair of jeans, noticing the button is getting a little bit harder to fasten. I look in the mirror in the corner of my room, my stomach is starting to look rounded, but it still isn't anything that a baggy shirt won't hide. I pull on a grey t-shirt, which has always been a little bit loose on me, and throw my dad's old jacket on over it, walking downstairs. I slide my boots on and walk out the door. I get into the woods and begin to walk toward the clearing where Gale and I would spend time together, when we were taking a break from hunting. As I approach, I see Haymitch struggling with keeping a steady aim with a bow and Peeta tying knots with Gale. I walk to Haymitch and begin helping him with the bow.
We train for a couple hours, mostly this training session consist of Gale and I helping Haymitch and Peeta learn basic skills that we've picked up over the years of hunting. I decide to take a break, walking to the pond to sit down. I sit on the edge of the water, my reflection staring back at me. Gale is having Peeta and Haymitch practice boxing each other. I look up as he sits down beside me. He smiles softly at me, his usual smile which I haven't seen in a while, this one doesn't look forced. He reaches his hand out to me, which I take. We both glance over at Peeta and Haymitch.
"You know," He looks back at me, "Things would be better if he was easier to hate."
"Yeah, tell me about it," I glance back at the boy who I've grown close to over the last few months, who's baby I'm carrying, who I'm growing to love, "If I could've just hated him in the arena, if he would've died, I'd be a victor by myself. No star-crossed love story to play along with."
"Where would we be," He looks at me again, his question clear in his eyes. If it hadn't been for Peeta, where would Gale and I be? Would this be his baby? Would I be marrying him?
"Here. Hunting just like we do every Sunday."
"You know what I meant."
"I don't know Gale. I never was interested in anything, with anyone, until I was forced into this with Peeta."
"You can tell me the truth Katniss; it isn't just an act anymore." He motions to my stomach.
"I guess not," he pulls me against him, and I lay my head on his shoulder.
"I'm happy for you Katniss. I wish it was my baby and I wish things were different, but if you're happy, I'm happy for you."
"Only one of us is leaving the arena this time," I don't respond to what he says, I'm too busy watching Peeta and Haymitch.
"Guess you better make sure it's you."