I look in the mirror, holding my stomach. If I pull the fabric tight enough, you can tell that I'm pregnant now. I'm eight months tomorrow, I still haven't gotten a big bump. If I wear loose clothes, it just looks like I've put on a little bit of weight. My mom and Prim said that I could wake up one morning and look huge, I'm just glad that it wasn't this morning. The reaping is today and the last thing I want the other tributes to know about me is my weakness, this pregnancy. Cinna has me in a form fitting dress but was able to add some extra material to the stomach. We didn't tell him about the pregnancy, but he seems to know. The reaping starts in about an hour. I finish getting ready and walk downstairs, Cinna admiring me. My mom and Prim are putting on a good front, Gale is here as well. He's been here a lot more since the announcement, he trained with us for close to a month. Peeta and Haymitch are getting ready at their houses. I walk to the living room and sit down on the couch, Gale coming to join me.
"Hey, show them that you aren't just a piece in their games anymore. You can go in there, win, and come home with your baby."
"What good will it do me Gale? If Peeta gets thrown back in there with me, this baby will either lose me or Peeta."
"You'll figure out a way, you always do. Does Snow know yet?"
"Not that I know of. I plan on keeping it that way too."
"Katniss! If he knew, don't you think he might cancel the games? Or at least change the rules?"
"No. He wants me dead, no matter what the cost."
"We aren't going to let that happen."
"Katniss! It's time," Effie announces walking into the house. I stand up to leave and begin to walk to the door.
"Wait," Gale grabs my arm, turning me back to him, "For what it's worth...I still love you and I'll be waiting for you to come home and I'll help you if you come home alone." He kisses me quickly, pulling back and looking at me. He walks into the other room before I have the chance to respond.
I follow Effie outside, meeting up with Peeta and Haymitch as we make our way to the square. Peeta holds my hand as we walk, squeezing it every so often for reassurance. We walk onto the stage, Peeta pulling me against him and kissing my cheek before letting go of me and going onto the side of the stage for guys. I walk onto the side of the stage that is intended for the girls; however, it is just me on this side. Just Peeta and Haymitch on the other. Effie takes her place at the microphone, welcoming everyone to the reaping and playing the video that's required. She doesn't mouth along with it like usual or wear her usual smile. When it comes time to draw names, she gives a sympathetic smile to me and walks to the bowl containing the one piece of paper with my name on it. She fishes in the bowl, as if there are multiple papers in there, before she finally picks mine up and walks back to the microphone.
"Katniss Everdeen."
She doesn't have any emotion in her voice as she says it, I walk to the middle of the stage, joining her. She gives me a worried look as she walks to the bowl containing Peeta and Haymitch's name. I know she doesn't want Haymitch in the games again, I also know that she doesn't want it to be Peeta either. All I can do while she fishes in the bowl is hope that she pulls Peeta's name out and that Haymitch keeps his promise. She grabs a piece of paper and walks back to the microphone again. Haymitch glances at me and nods, he will volunteer for Peeta. Effie unfolds the paper, taking longer than necessary. I see her face fall as she sees the name on the paper.
"Haymitch Abernathy," She sighs out the name, her voice breaking as though she is heartbroken and exhausted at the same time. I share her emotions as I hear the only thing I was hoping not to hear.
"I volunteer." Peeta states and begins to make his way to the center with me. Haymitch pulls him back and advance forward.
"No, you don't kid."
"Watch me."
Peeta shakes off Haymitch's grip and joins me in the center of the stage. Effie wipes a tear from her eye quickly as she announces our names. I look into the crowd, searching for my family, for Gale and Prim, I see them as Gale lifts three fingers in the air. I feel my heart beating, hear it beating even. This is a symbol of rebellion now and Gale just held it up. Effie reads the closing remarks as peacekeepers make their way to us. I stand still, not daring to move against them as they push us backwards off the stage. I feel their arms around me as they drag us inside and the door closes. They begin to walk us through the building, passing the visitor rooms.
"Wait, we get to say goodbye!" I stop, trying to make my way into one of the rooms. The peacekeeper grabs me harshly and pulls me further down the hall.
"New plan, straight to the train." He continues to pull me harder than I believe is necessary.
"We've got it. You can let go of her now." Peeta approaches us and reaches for my hand.
"She seems to have a different plan," The peacekeeper stops moving, turning to look at Peeta, "She will go straight to the train."
"She's got it. I wasn't asking. Let go of her."
The peacekeeper spends a long second staring at Peeta, but he releases my arm. Peeta looks at my arm, reaching for my hand and holding me against him. The peacekeeper walks in front of us and opens the door leading to the car that will take us to the train. Tradition is that there is one car for the male and one for the female, this time there is just one car. Another peacekeeper ushers us into the car and closes the door behind us. The car begins driving down the road. I watch out my window, passing by the charred remains of the hob. We pass the bakery. I notice Peeta staring, none of his family came to see him when they heard the news about the Quell. Even now that the reaping is over, the bakery is open and shows no sign of a mourning family. No matter what happens in these games, I know our child will never feel how he has felt. They will never feel irrelevant and unwanted, never be pushed to the side.
I take Peeta's hand and lean into him. We will be at the train station in just a few minutes and will be surrounded by camera's before we leave. Haymitch and Effie have stopped with the cards and consistent reminders to be in love, they just assume our acting has gotten better. This is true in a way, expect we decided a while ago not to act anymore, just to see what happens on its own. The car stops and I look out the window, seeing the camera's focusing on the car door. The peacekeeper opens the door and Peeta gets out of the car. He takes my hand and helps me out as well, walking onto the train platform where Effie and Haymitch join us. Peeta and I smile and pose, waving to the cameras. I notice Haymitch shaking his head toward us, clearing we aren't giving the right performance in this case. We are ushered onto the train and the doors quickly shut behind us. The train lurches forward and we are on our way to the capital. Haymitch and Effie motion us toward the last car and we all sit. I'm overcome with a sudden wave of emotions and tears begin to fall without me being able to stop them. I turn to Peeta and start yelling at him."
"You are so stupid Peeta! How could you volunteer for Haymitch?! I can't watch you in the arena this time, I have to watch myself and keep our," He pulls me against him quickly, shushing me. I realize I almost told them about the baby.
"I'm sorry Katniss. Being in there with you is the only way I could keep you safe. I don't need you to watch me, I just need you to stay with me."
"Okay." I let him hold me as I calm down. Effie and Haymitch watching us with questioning eyes.
"Is there something the two of you would like to tell us?" Effie is staring at us, waiting for an answer.
"No," I answer quickly and Peeta grasps my hand under the table.
"The victors are angry. They aren't smiling and waving to the cameras, so from this point forward, neither are you. You two are angry, you have every right to be, and you're allowed to show it. The victors are going to say and do anything to cancel these games, so be prepared. Katniss, you're acting has certainly gotten better. Use it. You're hopelessly in love with Peeta and you are distraught because you never did get to have your wedding. You are ripped away from your family, your sister, after being promised a life of comfort. Peeta, you have to be strong this time. The capital knows you're charming so use it. You are willing to say and do anything for Katniss, you sprung the whole love thing on everyone last year, think bigger this year. Anything that you can think of that will cause outcry in the capital. Offer a televised wedding to take place right there in the capital if you both are lucky enough to make it out of these games again." Haymtich looks at us as we both nod.
"Go on and get cleaned up and get some rest," Effie tells us as she stands up from the table, "We will arrive in the capital in two days and begin your coaching immediately."
"Preferably in your own rooms," Haymitch instructs us, giving a knowing look as we walk out of the room.
We walk down the hall in silence, approaching the doors to our rooms. They are beside each other again, both doors are open and waiting of us to enter the rooms. We've spent every night together since finding out I'm pregnant. I look up at Peeta and he wraps me in his arms, kissing my forehead. I didn't have to say anything for him to know what I was thinking. He takes my hand and leads me into his room. I sit on the bed while he gathers some clothing from my room and brings it into his. After he gets everything settled, he sits down on the bed next to me. I notice his face has fallen and I reach for his hand.
"What's wrong?"
"It's nothing."
"Peeta, tell me."
"You're about eight months pregnant now, there is a chance you could deliver in the games if they last more than a couple of weeks."
"I know. I'm just hoping it doesn't come to that."
"Can you see a doctor in the capital? Maybe see what the options are?"
"Peeta," I sigh as I lean against him, "I don't feel comfortable doing that. I don't want Snow to have any records to get him closer to this baby."
"Katniss, please."
"No. I have to keep this baby as safe as I can and anything in the capital isn't safe."
"Can you at least think about it?"
"I'll think about it, for your sake." I know that this is a lie, my mind is made up. I will not go near a doctor in the capital by my own choice.
"Thank you."
He leans back in the bed with me, pressing his lips against mine. I wrap my arms around his neck and let myself get lost in this kiss, forgetting everything going on around us for just a few moments. As I press myself against him, I become aware of something else pressing against me. We haven't done anything in a while. I know that he would never push the issue or ask me for anything, he just isn't that type of person, but I can feel him against me, and I know he needs me. I reach between us and play with the waistband of his pants and move my lips down to kiss his neck. I hear his breath catch as he feels my hand on him. I pull the bottom of my dress up some, trying to ensure he gets the hint. He seems to as he reaches behind me and unzips my dress, pushing it down my body as much as he can. I lift my hips and help him slide it off. We take off his clothes next and eventually we are both naked. I lean back and he gets on top of me, holding himself up to avoid putting pressure on my stomach. I kiss him and gently push him off, taking him by surprise.
"I want to try something."
I kiss him again and get on top of him. I have never tried this and hope it works the way I'm wanting it to. I straddle his body and slowly lower myself onto him, a quiet moan escaping his lips. I continue to move on him until we both finish. Afterwards, I lay beside him, and he pulls me into him, us both falling asleep with our clothes scattered around the room.
I wake up to banging on the door and Effie's voice calling to both of us to get up and get some clothes on. Peeta wakes up and gives me a kiss before we abandon the bed and pulls some comfortable clothes on. He hands me one of his shirts, this helps to hide my bump, however if I look at myself from the right angle, you can tell that I'm pregnant. We make our way out of the room and walk into the dining car for breakfast. Haymitch shakes his head again as we walk in.
"Well, you clearly didn't go to your own rooms."
"Haymitch! More important stuff to discuss," Effie scolds him and motions for us to sit down, "Did you two use protection this time at least? How long has this been going on? Have things between you two changed? Is it only on the train or is it at home too?"
Peeta glances at me and then back at Effie. We didn't use protection; we don't need to now. But she doesn't know this. I don't know if he plans on telling her or if he is going to lie to her. I brace myself for either answer that he gives her. I don't want details of our sex lives to be given out, but I know we can't just ignore her questions.
"Effie," Peeta speaks up after a long moment, "Can I speak to you and Haymitch in private?"
"What?" I ask Peeta, this isn't a response I expected from him. He nods to me, and I walk out of the car, standing outside the door so I can hear what he is saying. I manage to find a small hole, big enough to see what is going on inside the car as well.
"What's going on Peeta?" Effie speaks to him first; I can't see her face from here but her voice seems to be concerned.
"Shit," Haymitch laughs lightheartedly, "You really did it this time didn't you kid?"
"What did he do," The panic in Effie's voice seems to be growing.
"Effie, Katniss and I aren't using protection. Things have been different between us since the victory tour. We aren't together, but we are more involved. She told me she loves me, and I believe her. We've only slept together a few times, but we have slept together at home too. But we haven't been taking precautions and there's no point in it now."
"Peeta! How could you be so irresponsible? Do you know what the consequences of your actions could be?! The best possible outcome is that she gets pregnant, the best! But that would still be awful and a mistake right now! Not that I think either of you have anything, but you could get a disease or give one to her. The worst outcome is that you give or get something that could kill one of you. I know you aren't stupid Peeta, she's slept with Gale. She's been in love with Gale. Until these games she didn't look at you, who knows what all she has done."
Tears burn my eyes at Effie's words. I haven't been with anyone besides Peeta, he knows this. I have never slept with Gale. I press my hands against my stomach, the word mistake echoes in my head. I know Effie doesn't know about the baby and she is just watching out for both of us, but for her to say the things she said to him, hurts. Peeta told me I was his first and I have no reason to believe otherwise. I can't help smiling a little bit though, Effie is acting like the mother he never had. She is concerned for him and even lecturing him just like a mother would.
"Effie, I know where you're coming from, but Katniss and I, we have only been with each other. She really never did sleep with Gale. I know this for a fact, and I never slept with anyone else either. We didn't mean to sleep together on the train, but we did and that changed everything. I love her and I also have something to tell you."
"Peeta," Effie sighs, "Okay. I'm sorry for saying what I did. I was out of line. If you're going to continue to be with her, at least let me talk to her about some birth control and let Haymitch give you some condoms. Even if you don't have to worry about any diseases, the risk of pregnancy is real and you two are only seventeen, regardless of everything else you've gone through and your experience in the games."
"Effie, we don't need condoms or birth control. Birth control is dangerous for Katniss right now."
"Why would you think that Peeta?"
"Let the boy speak Effie! Clearly there is information we don't have. Neither of them is stupid or this irresponsible to continue on without some type of reason," Haymitch speaks up finally and I know what Peeta is about the say. I close my eyes and wait on the blow of the words to hit.
"Katniss is already pregnant. Eight months along to be exact." I hear him deliver the words, but I don't hear a reaction. I look through the hole and the room is completely still, "I said Katniss is eight months pregnant."
"I heard you," Effie responds to him, "This changes things. She needs to be seen in the capital at once. I will make some phone calls."
"No. We don't want the capital to know anything right now."
"Well, they will have to know sometime Peeta. She is about to go back into the games, and she is pregnant!" Effie stands up, walking over to Peeta, "I'm sorry. Are you doing okay with this news?"
I don't hear Peeta's answer, Haymitch walks out the door and pulls me into a hug. He leads me down the hallway into one of the other cars and sits down next to me. He looks at me, his eyes focusing on my stomach. He bites down on his lip and looks out the window, trying not to make it obvious he was staring at me.
"How are you feeling sweetheart? Are you doing okay?"
"Besides the morning sickness, I'm okay. I still can't believe it Haymitch, I'm going to have a baby."