It's been a couple of days since we told Effie and Haymitch about the baby. Haymitch has been trying to offer support, but I know he is struggling with the news, especially knowing what is about to happen in a couple of weeks. Yesterday morning, Peeta found him drunk again, we both knew that sober Haymitch would only last so long. I haven't seen Effie since Peeta told her the news, she talked to him for a few hours, but he hasn't told me much about their conversation besides that she was upset and concerned. I know she feels awful that Peeta is going back into the arena, but I know she is relieved that it isn't Haymitch. We arrived in the capital a few hours ago and now it's time to start preparing for the tribute parade. I know I'm going to have to tell Cinna when I see him, especially if I want to keep this pregnancy hidden from Snow.
I glance at my stomach in the mirror, it's possible that it has gotten bigger, even just within the last couple of days, but I also didn't try to hide the bump while we were on the train either. Haymitch and Effie knew about the pregnancy, so there was no use in covering it up. I know Peeta enjoys being able to see it throughout the day too, he smiles every time he looks at me and it's visible. I know he is happy that I'm carrying his baby and I know he will be a good dad, that's why I have to make sure him and our baby survive these games, no matter what. I pull my shirt down, glad to see that it is still baggy enough to cover me. I walk out of the bathroom, Peeta is waiting for me, ready to go meet with his prep team for tonight. He places his hands on my stomach and whispers words that I'm unable to hear. He kisses me, pulling me as closely as he can. He takes my hand and runs his thumb over my palm. He is one of the few people that know this helps calm me.
"Have you thought about making an appointment with a doctor?"
"Not yet," I don't like lying to him about this, but I promised I would think about it. Truthfully, I did think about it, but he still won't like my answer.
"You know we don't have much time," He lifts my face to look at him, "Are you going to tell Cinna?"
"I think I have to." He doesn't push the issue and nods to my response. He kisses me again and pulls away, heading out the door.
"I will see you in a few hours."
He walks out of the room, the door sliding shut behind him. I follow behind him, walking down the opposite end of the hall, toward the female district twelve prep team room. As soon as I open the door, Cinna's arms embrace me. He pulls back and looks at me, observing what he is working with. He disappears through a door and returns holding a garment bag. He places it on one of the hooks in the room and unzips the bag. Inside is a tight, form fitting black dress. There is a small slit in the dress around the breast area, forming a flattering neckline to reveal just enough cleavage. I force a smile and walk to the dress, admiring it. It is beautiful, one of Cinna's many masterpieces, but I know that I'm unable to wear it. I run my fingers over the gown, feeling elastic on the sides near the abdomen area. I notice the fabric overlays in this area as well. He has added fabric and elastic to this gown to ensure it fits.
"How did you know," I turn back to face him, tears flowing from my eyes. I won't miss the pregnancy hormones.
"You're my girl on fire, I noticed the simple things that most of Panem doesn't see. The wedding gowns that we brought for you to try on were getting progressively tighter. Peeta was around more, the dynamic between the two of you was different. Your handsome cousin," he winks at me as he says this, "was noticeably upset by something. Then when I started looking, I noticed the morning sickness and the swelling, the smell aversions. Also, the walls in the victor houses are very thin. We are going to make you radiant like the sun, emphasize the glow that you've recently gotten and keep that bump hidden from Snow."
He smiles at me, there is nothing I can say to him in response to what he has just said. Instead, I allow him to give me another comforting hug and relax against him. He will ensure Snow can't tell until I'm ready for him to. He gives me a few minutes to pull myself together and my prep team begins with the hair and makeup. Once they are finished, it is time to put on the gown. Cinna helps me into it and zips it up in the back, leading me to a mirror to see how it looks. The gown is stunning on, it is tight fitting in the chest, but hangs and lays over the stomach in layers, flowing freely so it doesn't give away anything. My head piece matches the gown, and my hair is fixed into flowing waves to match the flowing pattern of my gown. He leads me to remake center, where the chariots are waiting. He looks at me as we approach the rest of the tributes.
"Your days of pink lipstick and ribbons are behind you now. When you're on the chariot, no smiling, and no waving. You look straight ahead, straight face. I want you to act as though this entire audience, this entire event is beneath you."
"Finally, something I will be good at."
He smiles as he excuses himself to attend to other business. I walk up to the horses that are attached to the district twelve chariot, gently sliding my hand over the one closet to me. The horse seems to look at me, almost as though asking me what we are doing here. I hear a loud crunching sound in my ear, turning around to see Finnick Odair leaning against the horse beside me. I don't know much about him besides what I have been told by Haymitch or heard through whispers. He won his games with a trident, something he was more than familiar with since he is from District four, famous for their fishing industry. He is also something of a legend in the capital, he has been nicknamed as the heartthrob of the capital, basically every female is in love with him, and every male wants to be him. He has nothing expect a woven skirt and belt covering his body. I can see the attraction, he is very stunning, however I am not attracted to him. For me, he is too easy. Too easy to get and too easy to lose. Ever since he reached the age of sixteen, he has been essentially a sex magnet in the capital. I've heard that he easily gets about five or six women every year he's here and once he leaves at the end of the games, he never returns to them, but I've also heard that he has his true love back home, Annie Cresta. Part of me wonders if this isn't just how Snow has chosen to portray him, forced him to play this part the way he has Peeta and I.
"Hello Katniss," He greats me, popping another sugar cube into his mouth.
"Hello Finnick," I hope he buys my confidence and doesn't pick up on my discomfort of his proximity.
"Want a sugar cube," He tosses one around in his hand, "They're supposed to be for the horses, but who cares? They have years to eat these, but you and I, well if we see something sweet, we better grab it while we can."
"No thanks," I offer a lighthearted smile. He reaches out and fingers the neckline of my dress.
"What happened to the little girl dresses?"
"I outgrew them."
"You most certainly did," He releases my dress, "It's too bad about this whole quell thing. You would've made out like a bandit in the capital, all the jewels and money you could dream of. Such a shame, that wedding of yours never got to happen, everyone in Panem loves your love story."
"I don't like jewels and I have more money than I know what to do with," I ignore the comment about the wedding, "How do you spend all of your money Finnick?"
"I don't deal with money, haven't for years."
"Oh really," I roll my eyes at him, "How do people pay for the pleasure of your company."
"That's easy," he doesn't pick up on the sarcasm, "with secretes. So, tell me, do you have any secrets worth my time?"
"Everyone seems to know my secrets before I do."
"I do believe that's true. Congratulations by the way," He winks at me as Peeta walks up to us. He excuses himself as Peeta wraps his arm around me.
"What did he want?"
"To know all my secrets," I try to force a smile, but I cant help wondering how he knows, if he knows, "Also to tell me congratulations."
"Did you tell him?"
"No, we have to be careful about discussing it. I don't want this getting out, I will just become an easy target."
The gong to signal that the parade is about to start rings out. We make our way onto the chariot. Peeta grasps my hand tightly, his face a blank expression and staring forward. He must have received the same speech I did. Everything about this is beneath us. Cinna approaches us, handing a button to Peeta and instructing him to push it once we are in full view. The second gong sounds and the chariot lurches forward. The sudden movement sends a wave of nausea over me. I take a breath and swallow, focusing my attention on looking out at the crowd, keeping all emotion off my face. This is easy since I'm fighting the urge to puke.
Peeta rubs my palm again to reassure me and presses the button as we emerge outside to the path. Immediately out outfits are engulfed in flames, burning downward until our entire outfits have the trace of fire over them. I feel Snow's glare on me, I don't have to look to know he isn't happy with our choice of attire, or with our lack of enthusiasm. We make our laps around the circle, President Snow welcoming everyone to the Quell, however I know his eyes don't leave me. I don't pay attention to the speech, or the roar of the crowd. I grip Peeta's hand tighter, it is all I can do not to give into the overwhelming nausea. After what feels like an eternity, we are returning to the training center. Our prep teams are waiting, and I notice Haymitch talking to the district eleven victors. The doors shut behind us and I make my way off the chariot quickly, beelining for the nearest trashcan I can find. Peeta walks behind me quickly and I hope no one is paying attention to us. Cinna seems to catch on as well and walks with us, motioning me around a corner and out of view. There is a small bathroom around the corner, and I go inside quickly, falling to my knees in front of the toilet and emptying the contents of my stomach into it. I can hear the door lock click and feel Peeta gathering my hair up. I recover after a few minutes and we walk back out, Cinna handing me a towel and some water. I rinse my mouth, spitting into the towel and we walk back into the training center as though nothing has happened. Haymitch makes his way over to us with the victors he was speaking to earlier. I recognize Chaff immediately.
"How are the families?" He doesn't ask for any further explanation, he knows immediately I'm referring to Rue and Thresh.
"They're alive."
We don't get much time for introductions before we are ushered back to the elevators to return to our rooms. Peeta still holds my hand as we walk. Haymitch says his goodbyes and follows behind us. As we get into the elevator, I become aware of another person that has joined us. She tosses her leafy headpiece off as the doors close behind us. I recognize her, Johanna Mason.
"My stylist is such an idiot. District Seven, lumbar," she rolls her eyes as she begins to pull pieces of her costume off, "We've been trees for year. Wish I could've gotten Cinna, you look amazing."
She turns to face the elevator door and takes a couple steps backwards toward Peeta. She moves her hair to the side and reveals a zipper on her outfit. She asks him to unzip her, I drop his hand immediately and face him. He awkwardly fumbles with her zipper before unzipping it. She turns back to face us and takes off her outfit, leaving her fully nude in front of us. I look at Peeta, who watched as she slid her costume down her body. I feel anger rising inside of me, toward him for looking and toward her for doing it. He must have noticed because I realize he's taking extra care not to look below her neckline now.
"So, how does it feel knowing that everyone wants to sleep with you?" She asks us, a smirk apparent on her face.
"I don't think everyone..." I start to object to her question.
"I didn't mean you," Her eyes lock on Peeta. His face flushes and he avoids her gaze. The elevator stops and she exits quickly, "This was fun. We'll have to do it again sometime."