"Daddy?" Rachel said, blinking her eyes multiple times in a row to try and see things more clearly. "Oh my gosh, daddy!"
"Hi peanut," Juan smiled, hugging his daughter.
"Wait a minute," Rachel said a bit later realizing something about this wasn't right. "Am I?"
"No," Juan assured. He truly thought her surgery would fix things causing him to disappear from their lives forever. Clearly, he was wrong.
"How then?"
"I'm not sure, mija."
"I don't care, I want to stay with you this time daddy."
Saying goodbye to him for what she thought would be forever was too hard, Rachel knew she couldn't do it again. It wasn't fair she lost him in the first place, but then she got to spend so much time with him which was so amazing. Rachel knew it wasn't close to the same thing as him being earthside, but it was much better than just hearing about him from her mother and grandparents.
"I know, nina. You can't stay with me though."
"You don't know how hard it was, daddy. Look at my head."
Juan gently moved Rachel's hair and saw the scar he knew would be there. It broke his heart to see how much she had been through; however, this wasn't where she belonged. He knew his daughters were destined for greatness, not an early grave like himself.
"I know, peanut. But I agree with mommy, I love it because this," Juan said, tracing the scar with his finger the way Shelby did, "saved your life."
"But it took you from me," Rachel cried.
"Oh, mija."
Will was now awake with his wife and comforting Santana who was panicking yet again, and Beth who was screaming. An ambulance was on its way because Shelby refused to wait or ask her husband's opinion on the matter, her instincts are what saved Rachel the first time and she'd do it again, even alone. This time, however, Will had called 911 when his wife screamed for him. Rachel still hadn't woken up after Shelby gave her the medication which only made her more fearful—she didn't know how or why her daughter was seizing again.
"I thought this wouldn't happen anymore," Santana cried.
Neither parent knew how to comfort her because they thought the same thing. Shelby had an easier time accepting what was happening only because of the strange feeling she was having and had ever since Rachel's surgery. Call it mothers' intuition.
"We didn't either, sweetie," Will soothed. Shelby told him to go downstairs to let the EMT's in, but Santana didn't follow him, she couldn't move. This could not be happening again—she was in complete denial.
Beth did not like being woken in the middle of the night. She had slept through the night since she was three months old, which felt like forever to her because Beth didn't remember a time when she was the one waking everyone up. She was already trying to fall back asleep in her father's arms as he let the EMT's in and directed them towards Rachel's room.
Hearing his wife talking to them, Will continued with the difficult phone calls. He was trying to do everything in his power to prevent what happened the last time. He had called 911, now he was calling the grandparents—he wouldn't be the one to get in Shelby's way, only be providing her help.
"I want to come with you," Santana screamed, jumping on one foot as she put her shoe on the other trying to keep up with her mom.
"You need to stay with daddy, babe."
"But." Santana looked from her mother to her father and knew he would take forever because he still needed to get himself dressed and get a coat for Beth.
"We need to go, ma'am," one of the EMT's said.
"I love you baby," Shelby said, kissing the top of Santana's head and followed him out the door.
"I can't believe this is happening again," Katherine said to her husband as he drove them to the hospital.
"Me either, honey," Thomas agreed, reaching across the console to hold her hand.
"She's just so little."
"Rachel's strong, Katherine. She survived the impossible, I'm confident she can do it again."
"She shouldn't have to, Thomas."
He didn't know what to say to that, because his wife was right. Nobody should go through so much in their young life. And because Rachel was suffering, Santana was forced to deal with the harsh reality of losing her sister having had already lost one of her fathers, and his daughter was forced to suffer in silence staying strong for her babies.
"The world isn't scary here, daddy. I feel no pain. Maybe we can all stay this time," Rachel said, knowing if she brought her mom and sister once before, she could do it again. She looked around when she heard music and realized life here went on—she saw the seasons change and a window appeared where she saw what would happen if she stayed.
Without you, the ground thaws, the rain falls, the grass grows. Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom, the children play, the stars gleam, the poets dream, the eagles fly. Without you, the earth turns, the sun burns. But I die, without you.
Her mom was crying as she sang, going through the motions but not really living. Then she heard and saw her sister doing the same thing and her own tears started.
Without you, the breeze warms, the girl smiles, the cloud moves. Without you, the tides change. The boys run, the oceans crash, the crowds roar, the days soar, the babies cry. Without you, the moon glows, the river flows. But I die, without you.
"I don't understand, why is this happening if I'm not supposed to stay?"
The world revives, colors renew, but I know blue, only blue, lonely blue, within me, blue. Without you, without you. The hand gropes, the ear hears, the pulse beats. Without you, the eyes gaze, the legs walk, the lungs breathe. The mind churns, the heart yearns. The tears dry, without you. Life goes on, but I'm gone. Cause I die, without you.
Rachel fell onto her knees and cried, now all alone in the pouring rain. "I'll go back, I want to go back. Someone bring me back! Daddy, where are you? Please help me!"
"NO!" Shelby screamed, hearing the machines sounding. The paddles were in the doctors' hands, and he was getting ready to shock Rachel again—Shelby couldn't tear her eyes away yet, all she wanted was to be shielded from seeing her baby lying there without a heartbeat.
"Get her out of here," the doctor demanded.
He knew the woman was going to put up a fight, but he was ready to call security if need be because no mother should ever see something like this. He remembered this little girl and her mother from the last time she was brought into the emergency room—it's not often doctors fly in to perform surgeries like the one Rachel had.
Once he actually got her back, the doctor knew he had many phone calls to make and would be following her care closely because cases like this were rare. Shelby didn't recognize the doctor because each time she's been here she has been more focused on her daughter than focusing on what the heck the doctors or nurses looked like. Also, once Dr. Stratton introduced himself, nobody else mattered—he was the neurologist.
"DON'T YOU DARE GIVE UP BABY GIRL, MOMMY LOVES YOU MORE THAN ALL THE STARS!" Shelby screamed as four nurses dragged the mother out, she was much stronger than any of them thought she would be.
Unbeknownst to the emergency room doctor, one of the nurses had already called Dr. Stratton when she saw Rachel brought in because written in her chart was his contact number with a note that said he was to be called anytime the tiny brunette was brought in. It was 3:15am when his pager went off and Paul made his way to the hospital, calling on the way to get a status that did nothing to ease his worry.
Katherine knew the screaming she heard when they walked in was Shelby—her voice could be recognized anywhere, not to mention Shelby is her baby so Katherine just knew. She rushed over to the front desk and gave Rachel's name, stating the woman screaming was her daughter and she needed to comfort her, but they weren't allowed to go back. Rachel's room was locked down, only doctors and nurses were able to go in right now.
Shelby wasn't taken out into the emergency waiting room, but she was forced to sit in one of the chairs across from Rachel's room. If she couldn't do that, the nurse had told her she'd be asked to go out the double doors, something she didn't want at all.
When Will walked into the emergency room, Santana took off into her grandfather's arms feeling scared to death and hoped he'd make her feel better—she's always known when something was up with her sister, but she didn't know about the seizures and couldn't help the way she thought she should be able to.
Beth was asleep in the carrier, feeling much better now that she was in dreamland again—she didn't like being disturbed at all. After her mom left, things got a bit crazy at home making it harder for Beth to fall back asleep because Santana was crying, and her dad was not right. What Beth didn't know was Will was extremely stressed because they thought after the surgery, Rachel would be fine, this shouldn't be happening.
"NO! I need to go back there!" Santana screamed when her dad was told no by the secretary as well. He thought because he was the father, he could get in unlike the grandparents. Clearly lock down meant from everyone which only caused him to worry more.
Katherine took Beth and Will comforted Santana, "I know sweetie. We'll be able to see her soon." He didn't know what the heck was going to happen, he just wanted to help take away the brunette's pain. Santana didn't care she was sitting on her dad's lap; it was the middle of the night and she needed to be close to him if she couldn't be with her sister or mom. Will rocked her back and forth, something that has calmed her since she was a little girl as they all sent silent prayers up to anyone who would listen.
Shelby felt a wave of relief when Dr. Stratton arrived at the hospital. He knew her daughter's case forwards and backwards, the medications she's been on, the ones that worked or didn't, was in the operating room with her, and has done numerous tests since to monitor her care.
Shelby had never seen Dr. Stratton like this though—after he said a quick hello to her, he opened the door and asked, 'what the hell is happening', and continued to yell until about five minutes ago. Shelby didn't know if he was so upset because this was happening in the middle of the night, or because they weren't handling Rachel's care the way they should be. If Shelby was being honest with herself, it was most likely the latter one.
Dr. Stratton opened Rachel's door and Shelby heard him listing more tests he wanted to run, then he asked the mother to follow him. He knew parents like Shelby couldn't fully focus if her daughter was right there in a room she wasn't allowed in and because of this, he led her into a private room, and they sat down together.
"Rachel is alive; we got her back," he said first. That was the most important thing, especially because Shelby was there to see the scarier parts of it. "She is sedated, and I'd like to keep her room locked until I have a clearer picture of what's going on. I'm going to be honest with you Shelby, because I know it's what you'd prefer. I don't know what caused the seizure in the first place, I do know it's now affecting her heart. I have already ordered more tests to make sure there isn't any permanent damage, and I'll be monitoring her closely. If I were to guess, the signs she's showing are something referred to as ictal asystole. In other words, the heart slows down during the seizure affecting the rhythm—it's rare, however when the heart is affected, arrhythmias can occur causing the heart to stop all together."
"Like her AVM," Shelby said, wiping her tears. She couldn't believe she had lost her daughter again, and now she was dealing with another extremely rare health problem.
"Yes, rare like her AVM. When we're finished here, I'm going to call Dr. Othot so he can take a look at her test results too in hopes of getting to the bottom of this. I'd also like to do some tests on you and Santana if you'd be okay with that."
"Absolutely, anything you need," Shelby said without a second thought, then realized she didn't know why, not that it mattered she was just curious. "What for?"
Shelby was smart enough to know running tests on Will wouldn't be necessary because he wasn't biologically the girl's father. Due to all the research Shelby had done, she was a bit surprised Dr. Stratton hadn't done any tests on them up until now—then they found the AVM and Shelby knew it was no longer necessary because they found the cause, or so they all thought.
"If I'm going to figure out what's causing Rachel's unexplained epilepsy, I'd like to have a full gene panel at my disposal. Also, I'd like to make sure nothing will pop up for Santana down the line—"
"Excuse me?" Shelby asked, feeling as though someone had just knocked the wind out of her.
"It's highly unlikely, but I don't want to rule it out completely because they're twins, Shelby. Rachel didn't start experiencing symptoms until her teenage years, I'd rather be safe than sorry."
Shelby rubbed her hands over her face and sighed. While most situations cause her to smile at how similar and in sync her twins are, other situations cause her to realize how different they are, and a few of them she forgets to factor in the twin. Rachel being hospitalized was one of those times that she didn't factor them being twins into the equation, focusing on them each for different reasons.
Now she needs to worry about this possibly happening in Santana too. What if she was the one who caused it in the first place with her genetics. It's not as if they could test Juan to see if it was from him. What about Maria and Carlos, would that work or—
"Shelby," Dr. Stratton said, interrupting her thought process. "Are Will and Santana here?"
"Umm, I'm not sure. I'd assume so."
"I'd like to do the testing on you and Santana as soon as possible," he said. Dr. Stratton knew the sooner he could confidently tell Shelby she didn't need to worry about Santana the better. He was sending up his own silent prayers because he knew how much stress the mother was already carrying. Paul was curious though; he'd never seen fraternal twins so dang similar with everything they do and say—their mannerisms alone, he'd never seen anything like it.
Shelby nodded and then realized she didn't know how to get back to the emergency room entrance, causing Dr. Stratton to lead her there before he went to order the testing.
"Mama no! I'm not sick, I feel fine."
"I know baby," Shelby said, lifting her daughter's chin up so she could look into her eyes. "I promise it will be so quick. One poke, babe."
The little badass brunette hated needles. They made her so squeamish, even to just see, and didn't understand why she needed to get her blood taken in the first place. Shelby did not tell her daughter the real reason this was necessary because that would only freak her out more, something she was already doing because of her sister. Shelby told her it was to help Rachel which wasn't a lie, seeing her gene panel would help Rachel, just not in the way Santana thought.
The nurse laid Santana down because after hearing her fears the nurse wanted to avoid the brunette passing out from getting her blood taken. Shelby was holding one of Santana's hands and the other was stroking her head gently as she quietly sang. The nurse finished taking her blood and then swabbed the inside of her cheek with a cotton swab, something her mom promised would be painless unlike taking her blood.
Shelby had gone first in hopes of showing her daughter that it wasn't a big deal, but obviously that didn't work the way she had wanted it to. Shelby knew Santana would put up a fight even if this had happened after a full night's rest, something none of them had to work with besides Beth who was still sound asleep.
Shelby's mind was going a mile a minute worrying about Rachel who she still hadn't been able to see, what was going to happen with her, what Dr. Stratton would find, and if Santana was going to start exhibiting the same symptoms as her sister. She hadn't been able to tell her husband or their family much of anything yet because first things first, Shelby needed to get herself and Santana in for testing.
After their tests were completed, Shelby took Santana on a little walk around the hospital because she knew this helped during Rachel's surgery. They went into the chapel and spoke to Juan then Shelby asked her daughter what she could do to help besides getting her in to see Rachel because nobody could go in there yet. Santana shrugged as tears continued to fall, "All I want is for Rach to be okay."
"I know baby girl, me too."
"Why did she have another seizure, mama. I thought it wasn't gonna happen again."
"That's what Dr. Stratton is trying to find out. I don't have any answers for you yet, babe."
"Is she gonna stay with daddy forever this time?"
"No!" Shelby exclaimed. But honestly, she didn't know. She couldn't let herself imagine anything besides Rachel getting better though. "No, she's going to be okay. I promise." Shelby turned her gaze upwards and silently spoke with the one person she knew could help.
Don't take her from me, Juan. Please.
"You're right, I don't see any markers," Dr. Othot said. He had received an early wake-up call as well, already at the hospital when Paul had called him.
"Have you looked at her EEG?"
"I'm looking at it now. Do you have the father's gene panel, I didn't receive it."
"Their father died when the twins were babies."
"I thought I met him when I performed her surgery," Dr. Othot said, clearly confused.
"He isn't their biological father."
"I see. Well, I don't see anything concerning in the mothers panel—if we can't study the fathers, I'm not sure we will find an answer." A few minutes later, he spoke again, "Wait, look at these spikes in her EEG, can you send me her previous scans?"
Dr. Stratton sent them over and Dr. Othot didn't know if he was just sleep deprived or if he was going crazy. "Paul, in all my years I've never seen spikes like this. I need to evaluate her in person." And with that, he hung up the phone and made the necessary arrangements to get himself to the hospital in Ohio.
Dr. Stratton stayed in his office after hanging up wondering what the hell he was supposed to tell Shelby…