Hello! Welcome back to my Same Au. I wish I had a better name for it but I do not, am accepting suggestions lol.

This is the third story in this series and the finale to the original trilogy I had planned. I have more planned in this universe, but this fic will wrap up the plot started in "Practically the Same".

The whole fic is written, there should be three parts (there's a chance I'll split one chapter and make it four, but for now it's three). Hopefully this will feel a satisfactory end.

But this is only chapter one so I shouldn't get ahead of myself lol.

Shout out to my friend who listened to me rant my way through an outline and hyped me up on my docs. You aren't on here but you're a legend.

Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

~TH~

The mirror seemed to mock him. Colorful chords hung around his shoulders, the blue gown hitting a few inches higher than it would have on someone of normal height.

This was what he wanted. This was what he had worked for.

And yet he didn't know if he had ever felt so hollow.

"Sam?" A knock at the door had him blinking out of his numb trance.

"Yeah, yeah I'm coming, Bobby." He tore himself away from the mirror and opened the door.

Bobby looked him up and down and grinned. "Look at that, you finally made it."

"Yeah." Sam was able to muster a half smile. "We better get going."

"Sam, wait." He was stopped with two hands firmly gripping his shoulders. The touch was encouraging. Comforting. "I just want you to know I'm real proud of you. I mean a full ride to Stanford? That's impressive for anyone. But especially with- well- with everything else. You did good. I couldn't be prouder."

"Thanks, Bobby." The response was given without eye contact, pulling away to hurry to the car.

Proud? That was ridiculous. There was absolutely nothing to be proud about. He'd driven his brother away. He'd gotten the grades, the scholarships, everything he wanted. But he'd trade it all to have his brother back. To have his brother not hate him.

He hadn't seen him since he drove away that night. He'd talked to him on the phone twice. Once on Christmas and once on his birthday. Dean hadn't left a number. Sam had asked about graduation. Told him there would be a ticket waiting if he wanted to come. He hadn't gotten an answer. And after a very empty seven months, he didn't have his hopes high.

But he'd never be able to do any of this without Dean. Without Dean dropping out of highschool to take care of him. If Dean didn't work so hard to take care of his wants and needs. With Dean being gone, Bobby had continued to take care of him, but he had never realized how much Dean did. He never really considered where the extra spending money came from. Or how Dean always seemed to find the best conditioned clothes at Goodwill. Or that there was always something for Sam to eat. Apparently it was Dean, not Bobby, who kept covered dishes in the fridge. Sam wasn't sure when his older brother had found time for that.

Sam wished he could go back. Not just to the night where he'd snapped. Back further. To the moment he decided Dean was beneath him. That Sam was somehow better because he'd stayed in school. Change the moment where he hadn't learned from his father's mistakes and had instead repeated them. Dean wasn't anything like Dad. It was Sam who had somehow morphed into their father. And if he could pinpoint that moment, go back in time and shake himself, he would.

But he couldn't. He was trapped with the decisions he had made.

At least he was going away for college. He didn't know if he could bear to live in this house much longer. Not with the haunting memories and empty halls. They weren't even bad memories for the most part. Just memories. Good ones. Dean dropping everything to help Sam with a science project. Dean teaching Sam his multiplication tables because while Sam could take an English test in his sleep, basic Algebra about lost him his 4.0. Dean had laughed and said "Hey, it's my one A, if worst comes to worst we can share it." But he'd also stayed up all night to make sure Sam understood it. Because Dean was smart, he just had too many adult problems to worry about. Why would you care about Herman Melville when your Dad left you with nothing but busted ribs and didn't come home for two months?

The driver door opened and Bobby flashed Sam another smile. "You ready?"

Sam nodded.

Bobby had been far too forgiving. It was undeserved. Those first few months had been bad. Tense. But as time went on, Bobby softened. Probably had something to do with both of them going sober. Well Sam going sober and Bobby cutting back.

Benny hadn't been as understanding. Not that he had been around.

In the end none of that really mattered. The only thing that mattered was that the one person Sam wanted most wasn't there.

~SPN~

The stage had never been Sam's calling. He'd been in a play once. In third grade. And he'd nearly run off the stage crying. The only thing that had kept him planted firmly, voice squeaking out the memorized words, had been his big brother sitting in the audience, mouthing the words along with Sam. This wasn't third grade.

There were more than a few parents in the packed gym. Sam was secretly thankful it had rained, causing them to move the ceremony indoors. Fewer people to hear him stumble over his words. At least he'd never see any of them again after this. Accept Bobby but he didn't count. But he also didn't love the idea of being relegated to history with "well at least you can't do as bad as that Winchester kid."

Writing the speech had been easy. Sam had known exactly what he wanted to say. Written words came easily to him. But speaking them? He should have practiced. He tried. But the words kept getting stuck in his throat. Words he should have said before it was too late, not after the chance was gone.

"...lidictorian Sam Winchester."

He felt frozen in his seat. All eyes were on him as he forced himself to take the steps necessary to reach the podium. He opened his folder, seeing the words he had so meticulously thought out.

"Uh, hi." Sam realized the microphone was far too low to pick up his voice. He attempted to adjust it, only causing it to make a screeching sound. He winced, offering a shy smile before properly adjusting it. "Sorry, I, uhm-" he looked down at his paper, releasing a slow breath. "My name is Samuel Winchester and I have the privilege of being this year's Valedictorian." One line down, only an entire speech to go. "I say privilege because that's what it is. I worked for it, yes. I studied hard, went the extra mile, and refused to let my circumstances dictate who I would become. I put in the effort, same as many of you."

He refused to look up, his eyes remaining solely on the page. If he could read, he would be fine. He just had to not think for a minute.

"But I never would have been able to do that without the people around me." He glanced up, failing to stop himself from adding. "This is normally where people thank their parents. Yeah, I have no plans in doing that." An awkward cough/laugh worked its way around the room. Right. Back on script. "I would like to thank the teachers who believed in me. Who extended payment deadlines or let me hide in their classroom during lunch." He'd thought about adding a line to his fellow classmates but couldn't think of too many good things to say about them. He'd elected to go with the say nothing at all.

The words on the page blurred slightly as he knew what was coming next. "I'm forever thankful to Bobby for everything he has done for me. For taking over the role of father when my dad made it clear he wasn't interested."

Okay he could do this. "And of course to my brother, Dean. Without him I wouldn't be standing here today. I wouldn't have clothes on my back or food on the table. Without my brother I wouldn't be who I am today. He's the one who taught me the ABCs and how to read. So without him this speech would be literally impossible." That got a real laugh and Sam was thankful for the break in the tension.

"He wasn't able to make it today, but I hope wherever he is that he knows that I love him." And that he was so so sorry for all of the hurtful things he had done and said. That he would take them all back now if he could. "That everything I do, I do to make him proud."

The rest of the speech passed in a blur. Something about the last thirteen years preparing them for the next. A reminder to not give up and keep doing the impossible. A final thank you as he closed his folder.

Sam knew there was applause but somehow couldn't hear it. The stage lights mixing with his stage fright and causing him to enter strange fifth dimension. He looked up, the sea of faces seeming meaningless and obsolete.

Until one face caught his eye.

There, in the very back of the gym, standing by the door, was Dean.

~TH~

As I'm sure you can tell this story is overall lighter than the previous two. That does not mean that there won't be bumps along the way.

Please let me know what you thought of this first chapter! Will post the next one at some point this week. Any and all comments are appreciated.

Much love and God bless,

Jamie