Today was Meredith's first therapy session, a Saturday morning, and to say she was anxious was an understatement. Today was the day she had to sit in a room with a complete stranger and tell her story, tell how she felt and what her thoughts were. She felt sick as she sat in the car next to Derek, Ellis and Carolyn in the back with Ellyse in the middle, to anyone on the outside it would look like a fun family day out.

The car was quiet and Ellis was sat to the back left of Meredith, she watched as she nervously tapped the tip of each finger with her thumb and how her leg bounced as she sat, she felt bad because she had no control over it, Meredith didn't even know she was doing it. Next to her Ellyse chatted quietly with Carolyn as she showed her how to play a game on her iPad that she was only allowed at the weekend, as she watched her she could see Derek but she was all Meredith, the personality was now shared between them, she turned back to Meredith to see her looking out of the window so decided to make conversation in a hope to put her at ease.

"Meredith, do you fancy going out for some lunch later?" Ellis asked.

It took a moment for Meredith to reply.

"Uh, sure." she stared ahead.

"Anywhere in particular?"

"I don't think so.' Meredith mumbled.

"She likes the Italian cafe on Joseph Street." Derek smiled in the rear mirror.

"Would you like to go there then, Mer?"

"I don't know!" Meredith snapped quietly.

"She was just asking a question, Mer." Derek said calmly.

"I know." she sighed, "I'm sorry." she turned around to look at her mother.

Ellis looked at her daughter carefully, she really was beautiful, she always had been but she had only gotten more beautiful as she grew up. Since the... incident, Meredith had been wearing a little more makeup to cover up any cuts or bruises she had on her face, she didn't want to scare her daughter. She had gotten pretty good with a makeup brush but as Ellis looked at her face, she noticed that one of her bruises hadn't been covered. It was a purple bruise that laid next to her ear just below her eye, at the very top of her cheekbone.

"Don't apologise." she smiled.

"I'm nervous, I feel like I'm going to be sick." Meredith announced as they got closer to the hospital, the same hospital she had been released from just over a week ago.

"Your going to be fine Mer." Derek grabbed her hand over the console. He realised what he had done and after a few moments awkwardly removed his hand.

They hadn't talked about what had happened between them but they knew they needed to, there was just so much going on. He kissed her and she kissed him back and then he told her he loved her and he meant it, they both knew he did. He cleared his throat as he parked the car.

"Do you want me to come up with you?" he asked looking a her with a gentle smile.

"You can't." she teared up, anxiety filling her entire body.

"No, but I can walk you to the door."

"Can I come too, daddy?" Ellyse piped up.

"You sure can." he smiled at her.

He looked back at Meredith finding her looking at the hospital sucking on her bottom lip. He grabbed her hand and smiled at her. Carolyn watched the two of them and could see that they needed a little time as the two of them.

"Ellis shall we go get some coffee?" She raised her eyebrows and Ellis nodded.

"We'll take Ellyse, Meredith." Ellis informed her and they stepped out the car.

"GG! Can I get a doughnut?" Ellyse asked.

"If you don't tell your mom." She whispered with a giggle.

Meredith and Derek were left alone in the car in silence.

"Mer, I know your scared but your gonna be okay, you are okay, and you will continue to be. Your so strong and I know you can't see it at this minute but talking about it will help you. I'm so proud of you Meredith, I just want you to feel like yourself again." He said holding her hand as she looked at him.

"I'm so sorry." A sob completely broke down her body as she fell froward into his chest. He did nothing but hold her tightly and give her the comfort she desperately needed.

"Shh, it's okay. I've got you, your okay." He whispered as he held head under his chin. Her cries shook his own body as he held her.

"Your okay Mer, no one will ever hurt you again, I promise you... I love you." He added.

"I-I try-tried to stop h-him. I pro-mise I did." She hiccuped through her tears.

"I know you did. It's not your fault Meredith, please know that, this is not you fault." He felt her nodding against his chest and after a few minutes her cries began to lessen.

"I'm okay." She said quietly as she lifted her head.

"Your not, but you will be and that's okay." He smiled and she returned it before leaning in and gently kissing his lips.

She pulled away and cleared her throat, "we should go."

"We should." He smiled and got out of the car.

Dr Hampton glanced at Meredith as she sat on the purple sofa staring off into the fish tank. She watched as her head tilted from time to time almost like she was relating to a fish that she noticed. Since she had entered the room, she hadn't spoken about what she was there for. She had answered questions about her personal life and her daughter when she first entered but when stuff started to get real, she completely shut out and now, mentally, she was in the fish tank.

Looking down at the gold watch on her wrist she realises that Meredith's session was over and the session was unsuccessful.

"It was nice to meet you Meredith, I'll see you at your next session." Her therapist smiled as the opened the door and saw Derek waiting outside.

"Yeah." She smiled sadly.

"Dr Shepherd, can I talk with you?" The therapist asked politely.

He looked at Meredith who just shrugged, "um I guess."

Meredith was sat on the chairs on the opposite end of the hall, she couldn't hear what they were saying but she obviously knew it was about her. Her session went good, she thought. She listened to the shrink and counted the fish in the tank. She related to them fish in a sense that she felt she was always swimming, swimming in her thoughts, that if she wanted to she could let go and let them consume her just like the water.

"I can't tell you what we spoke about or should I say I, but Meredith is dealing with ptsd, it is clear to me, she refuses to talk about the event. I noticed every time I mentioned him she shook her head, she thinks that it is her fault and I'm trying to pull her out of it but she can't accept it. I'm just saying, you need to support her through her dark days as well as her good days because she's leaning on you at the minute, she didn't talk that much but I can tell that much." The therapist told Derek.

"I know, I keep telling her that it's not her fault but it's like she has this cage up around the truth, she's re-living the moment thinking about what she could have done better, what if she had done this and it kills me to see her killing her self in front of me." He sighed.

"I know, Derek. But looking into her eyes I can tell that she's still in there, she's going through a ptsd breakdown and it's apparent that she's in emotional distress which is completely normal but I do believe that she will return to her old self, she's still in there." She nodded.

"I hope." He said sadly.

"It was nice to meet you." She shook his hand before he walked back to Meredith.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he crouched in front of her.

"I need a hug." She teared up.

"Come here." He opened his arms and she fell into them sighing with relief as she felt safe.

Dr Hampton watched from the distance and smiled, Derek was really what Meredith needed to get through this and she had him.

"Mommy can I have ice scream?" Ellyse asked as they lay on the sofa.

"Maybe tomorrow sweetie, it's bedtime soon." Meredith stroked her forehead gently.

"Okay." She sighed tiredly. It didn't take long before the little girl was out like a light.

"Do you want me to take her to her bed?" Derek asked as he smiled looking at his two girls. Or one of his girls, he just wished the other one was.

"Yeah." She nodded.

Derek gently grabbed his daughter off of Meredith's lap, walking slower as she started to stir and took her to her bedroom where she would sleep for the remainder of the night. He kissed her goodnight and closed her door over slightly before heading back to Meredith on the sofa.

"You look exhausted." He smiled sadly.

"I am." She sighed as she rubbed her own forehead.

"Why don't you head up to bed?" He asked.

"I am." She yawned as she stood up and began walking to her room. She turned around and looked at him.

"Coming?" She looked at him nervously.

"Are you sure?" He didn't want to put too much pressure on her.

"Yeah. Come on." She nodded towards her bedroom and he got up and followed her.

The whole night he just held her, held her tightly so she knew she wasn't alone and it helped because she slept and she didn't have a single nightmare. He had kissed her cheek goodnight and stroked her back until she fell asleep. Her light snores sounding her room.