Father never celebrated so much before. Not with me, anyway. He insisted I join him with Uncle Thor in the main hall of the palace for drinks, which I couldn't refuse even if I wanted to. The news was too big and too life changing to be comfortable, yet they carried on as if the universe was still the same. I nodded in silence while they laughed about days before I existed and complained about how different the beer was from what they'd grown up with; since I was used to the flavors of New Asgard, I couldn't relate.
Father might have been revered across the known universe, but Mum taught me to see my origins as humble. With each sip of ale, I reran my new oath in my mind. A promise to be more than I ever thought I'd be—more than anyone expected of me.
A surge of adrenaline through my stomach felt suspiciously like guilt. I folded my arms to cover my vambraces, as if they were watching me. Troublemaker. Troublemaker. I've always been a troublemaker. The lifelong family joke had new meaning to me now, and it made me doubt the work I'd done up to this point. What if the beacon of destiny found me by mistake? Or worse—fell to me by default?
The slap of Father's hand on my back snapped me out of my introspection. "Your mother's waiting." He stood to embrace Uncle Thor quickly, and I didn't wait to shake any more hands. Unlike the day before, I didn't pause at every acknowledging glance on the way to the Bifrost; I couldn't. Fortunately, Father's presence seemed to chill my approachability; with him near, I noticed fewer eyes even if my new station as Captain warranted some congratulations. All that would have to wait.
When we landed on Narvlheim, alone at last, Father cracked his lower back and sighed while looking at the stars. "I certainly didn't predict all that today. Did you?"
"Definitely not." I sucked in the cool night air around us and told myself to unwind. Home had a way of making me feel grounded, regardless of how much time went by.
"Not bad for a routine calling of ranks." Father nudged my shoulder and smiled with an impish gleam in his eyes.
The longer I looked at him, the more pressure lifted off my shoulders. Perhaps it was a delayed effect of the drink; either way, I let the joy sink in. I could simultaneously be anxious about what was ahead and excited that I'd been set apart; the two conditions didn't negate one another. Our quiet trade of glances soon erupted into uncontrolled laughter which followed us all the way from the Bifrost site to my parents' front door.
Definitely the drink. We were both troublemakers.
Mum rushed down the stairs of the darkened home with annoyed resolve. "Shh! The two of you should know better than to tumble in well past the moonrise without—"
"Ginny, you won't believe it," Father said, taking her shoulders firmly. He lilted this way and that on his feet with her, like the excitement coursing through him couldn't settle in one place.
"I'll believe if the whole realm wakes up with your racket," she returned without softening her tone.
"Sorry for disturbing you, Mum." I swallowed the last of my chuckles so they'd only escape through my nose. "We'd give away our position in battle for sure. Captain of Defense should mind his conduct better."
"Captain? Really?" Her eyes lit up for a moment before falling in a familiar nostalgic sigh. "Oh, Vali. Congratulations."
"That's not all," Father said, rubbing her shoulders now. He met her gaze and locked with it. The silence between them was a coded conversation that changed his demeanor and snuffed our unsuitable laughter. A betrayal of tears threatened to hide his elation, but for Father, they fit better than a smile.
"Lo, what is it?" Mum wiped his cheek and looked to me for more, but all I could do was shrug, not sure where to begin.
"Our son is destined for great things," Father said. He took a heavy breath. "He's...he's been chosen."
She furrowed her brow. "Chosen for what?"
"Everything." Father let out a single chortle and shrugged himself this time. "The people want our son, not Thor's."
Mum absorbed what Father said in yet more silence while the color drained from her face. Her mind whirred—almost audibly—at all the possibilities ahead.
"It's only Captain now," I said, much more comfortable in the expected promotion that paled against all I'd agreed to.
"Now?" She stepped away from Father's grasp and stood before me, touching my cheek in the same tender way she always did. "And what later?"
I was taller but felt like a child. Like when I earned my endowment and was supposedly a man, everything changed, but I wasn't different. The only shift was the whole universe and the invisible passage of hastening time.
"King, Mum. The people in Asgard have nominated me as King, and I said yes."
She gasped and covered her mouth with both hands. "My son...my Vali?"
Father wrapped his arms around her middle and stood behind her, weeping in the same lack of control as he did with his laughter when we first arrived. Something about his fractured composure splintered my own strength.
What if I fail? What if I'm not ready? What if they deny me? What if—
"What's going on?" Hela said with gravel in her voice, groggily descending the stairs to our blubbering scene.
Mum reached for her and sniffled. She pulled Hela down to the main level and did the hard part. "Your brother's been offered an incredible opportunity, my love."
"Did you get the promotion?" Hela asked with a brow raised. "We all knew he would, didn't we?"
I patted her shoulder. "Yes, Hel. But things are a bit more complicated now. I'm—"
"Staying in Asgard, aren't you?" Hela soured in an instant, overreacting as she tended to of late. She left me no opportunity to defend. "I knew it. You're not coming home again. All in the name of being a good soldier."
"No, I'm not...that's not it." I shook my head, though now the ale made even small movements somewhat risky, and my mind was left floating. "It's just...Asgard will need me more than here. If you give me a minute—"
Mum grumbled. "Hela, please don't ruin this for him."
"I'm not ruining anything," she barked. "He's the one who's abandoned all of us. He's the one who—"
"Enough," Father said sharply, startling all of us. The gelatinous silence in the wake helped steady me. He left Mum's side and stood before me, standing as straight as possible. His expression was a mix of pride and sadness that I couldn't quite define and was afraid to clarify. "Vali, you will always have a home here. You know that."
Speaking made my teary, so I said as little as possible. "Yes."
Hela huffed from lack of attention, but I knew how the snark was her version of protection. If she was angry with me, it wouldn't hurt so much when I reported again. It reminded me of the same tactic Mum used years ago when I first left home. A little pain now would mean less pain later; at least, in theory.
"We need a prayer. Come on." Mum ushered us into the front room to stand in a circle—a rare but familiar routine. With our hands clasped, we took a breath in unison, opening ourselves to the universe. She said it was a good way to find peace and seek guidance.
The other reason was really for Mum's benefit alone. I'd dreaded it all day.
"Go ahead, Gin," Father said. He never initiated the ritual, but he didn't ever speak ill of it, either.
Mum blustered and shook her arms out while still attached to Father and myself on either side. "Alright. To Frigga, to Valhalla, to my parents and those lost before. We're grateful for all that we have. For our home here in Narvlheim, the safe travels of Loki and Vali today, for all of our health. We're thankful that Hela has grown into a fine young woman. Please help guide her in understanding the power of duty."
Hela squeezed my hand hard, and I returned the gesture.
I know, you're mad at her. Don't argue now.
"We're so honored to know Vali has risen to Captain. He's earned every accolade to this point, and as a family, we couldn't be more proud." Mum sniffled a bit and squeezed my other side, like she and Hela were in competition for my finger circulation. "Narvi, we thank you. Celebrate with us. We know your love has influenced Vali's destiny."
The mention of his name sent a pang through my chest. He wasn't a troublemaker. He would surpass me if he were here. Whose destiny is this?
Mum sighed openly and choked on the inhale. "There he is. That warmth...do you feel it?"
"Yes, Gin," Father said flatly. "Narvi's always with us."
"Mmhmm," I agreed quietly, and Hela did the same.
"Whether our home is in Vanaheim, here in Narvlheim, or on the throne of New Asgard, we'll always be a family." Mum let go of me to wipe her face with a tissue.
"Aye, Mum," I said. "Nothing can change that."
"Why is being Captain such a big deal anyway?" Hela asked quietly, though her muttering had plenty of defiance.
"It isn't." Father cleared his throat for Hela's firm attention. "Today he confirmed a new oath for his future. When the time comes—perhaps after marriage, further education, or when Thor sees fit to leave his post—Vali will become the next King of Asgard."
"What?" Hela frowned, shaking her head in the disbelief I had when I heard the news. "Why would Vali become King of Asgard when he's not from Asgard?"
"Because he's worthy." Father looked at me again and simpered. "More worthy than I have ever been or ever will be."
"And you would do well to see what kind of example he sets for you now, Hela," Mum said, drying her tears for good. "Your father won't be Steward of Narvlheim forever, and who would make a better protégé than his daughter...and the sister of a king?"
The longer Mum spoke, the darker the room became. My armor's heft overwhelmed me for the first time in ages. I shrank, and the walls came closer.
"Vali, is that true?" Hela tugged my hand.
"Are we finished yet?" I asked, desperate to move but unwilling to break the circle before we were ready. "It's been such a long day."
"Oh, of course, sweetheart." Mum kissed my cheek. "Say your private prayers of course. We can talk more in the morning."
Hela scoffed. "Wait—"
"Tomorrow I'm going to Dagheim to see Riggs." I raked my hands through my hair one at a time to cover up my shaking. "We'll talk another time."
"You're seriously going to tell us something like that and then leave?" Hela stood in a huff. "Doesn't that concern all of us?"
I wished she could read my thoughts and see how panicked I was, too. Save me the embarrassment of breaking down in front of our parents. Take my invitation and be the confidant I needed. "You can come to Dagheim if you want."
"I...no." She scowled and barely shook her head. "I can't. I...um...have places to be."
"What? Where are you heading off to?" Mum asked with her arms tightly folded.
Hela didn't blink in the same way she didn't trip on her words. "I'm going to Nanny's for the week, starting tomorrow. Didn't bother asking since you always say yes." Something about her excuse felt empty, though on the surface, it made enough sense to leave be.
"Get some rest," Father said, looking me in the eye.
"G'day, everyone," I said out of sheer habit and bowed before heading up the stairs. The simpleness of our home didn't match the formal nature of my armor or the cape that seemed to weigh three times as much since coming home. The metal suffocated me. I needed to get out. Needed to escape. Needed to breathe. Needed it off me.
By the time I reached my bedroom, I'd detached the cape and frantically clawed at the side clasps. "Come on...come on," I muttered, suddenly aware how fast I was breathing and how little sensation remained in my hands and feet. They'd been overtaken with tingles. My heart thumped at the base of my throat, adding more chaos to my body's downward spiral; another minute without control, and I'll fall over.
The breastplate miraculously opened just in time. I only grasped it before it fell on the floor to keep Mum and Father from coming upstairs to investigate. I stood with my hands on the dresser top and panted, sucking in every breath with my eyes closed. Keep breathing. One, two...one, two. I inhaled through my nose and out through my mouth, trying to count as long as possible with each pass. Three seconds became five, then seven, then more until I made it solidly to ten a few times. The dusty scent of the house was familiar and cozy and so far from Asgard. Even the sound of night birds beyond my window brought me back down. The grooves on the wood of my dresser were smooth and made a satisfying pattern to trace over. I hummed through my exhales, rumbling my chest. I couldn't gauge how long it took to re-regulate, but I was grateful to be left alone enough to relax.
When I opened my eyes again, my left vambrace glared at me. My heart jumped again, forcing me to swallow hard and put it back where it was meant to be, deep in my chest. The name was charged and served as a reminder of every last insecurity that plagued my life.
"I'm sorry, Narvi," I whispered, unbuckling my vambrace and putting it face down on the dresser. "I know I should thank you or something, but it should've been you." I stood as straight as possible and examined myself in the mirror, trying to look past the silver sheath covering my chest to see if my pulse was as visible as it felt. All I saw was a man—incomplete and unsure. Far from the king I'd agreed to become. Competing with ghosts despite Mum's wishes years ago, bound to fill shoes that threatened to trip me. How could I lead all of Asgard—no—all of Yggdrasil into the new era?
Before that could happen, I had one soul to sway. Just one to impress and prove my worth. If I had the courage to, anyway.
"Shit."