"Well, this is awkward," said Jaune Arc.

"That's one way of putting it," replied Blake Belladonna.

The two twenty-six-year-olds were quiet for another long moment, the noise of the festivities outside their luxurious mansion in Menagerie fading into the night. It was getting close to midnight now but they had not moved ever since shuffling into the bed that was exclusively designed to withstand repeated pressures of greater magnitude atop intense intimate physical action. However, instead of anything remotely intimate or physical, for nearly an hour, all the two of them did was lie down next to each other, their hands planted on their own stomachs, the blankets pulled all the way up to their chests, as they stared blankly at the ceiling.

Eventually, Jaune turned to his newly-wedded wife. "So..."

Blake slowly turned her head to look at her newly-wedded husband. "So..."

This was immensely awkward and increasingly uncomfortable for the both of them. Their minds had long been set in stone despite their bodies fighting for their natural carnality. In other words, they were supposed to be consummating their politically-motivated, rather controversial, and highly-publicized arranged marriage. But neither of them felt obliged to even try to touch the other.

"You sleepy yet?" the blonde asked.

"No," the cat faunsu replied. "You?"

"Nope."

"It's almost midnight."

"I'm not drunk enough to pass out." He sighed, looking back at up the ceiling. "I'm not even drunk enough for this."

"You don't have to be," she said. "But if you...if you're feeling—"

"No. Not one bit. Honestly speaking."

"Oh. Truthfully, that's relieving."

"So we're both not in the mood."

"How can we be?" Blake turned onto her side, regarding him with her piercing amber irises. "Look, we both know how we actually feel about each other but...but you know that I can't...force myself to..."

"Same here," Jaune returned, himself shifting to rest on his side, facing her. "There's a reason why I kept my boxers on and I don't want to have to verbally plead with you to stay in your lingerie."

"Brothers, what a mess this is." She resumed laying on her back and held up her hand above her head, the golden wedding band glistening around her finger. "We're both married, essentially securing the fate of two problematic governments, and are basically heralded as trailblazers towards a new frontier of human-faunus relations."

"Those tabloids are running out of headlines if they think human-faunus couples haven't always been a thing since time immemorial," Jaune grunted, rubbing his own ring, his desire to take it off overwhelmed by his personal code of honor to keep it on because of their marriage vows. "I take it this will get Menagerie the pull it needs to be on equal standing with the other kingdoms."

"And Vale becomes the official portal for all commerce, industry, and rare goods relative only to Menagerie. Jaune, I hope this marriage—fruitful as it is to the rest of the world, Grimm notwithstanding—doesn't ruin whatever it is that we have between us."

"And what exactly is that?"

Blake stuttered. And pinched the bridge of her nose as she exhaled. "... I don't exactly know."

Jaune crossed his arms under his head. "I mean, we haven't really had a close relationship when we first met. Funny now that I think about it. It was only in our sophomore year that we started having conversations that were longer than three sentences."

She gave him a flat stare. "That's because we started getting shuffled around for more advanced training missions. Though jumbling up already existing teams did help a lot in fixing a lot of issues we had with each other."

He chuckled at the memories. "Yeah. I remember when Cardin got partnered up with Yang. Burned half the Emerald Forest down but at least they killed that Elder Grimm that snuck in."

Blake hummed back dryly. "Still doesn't beat the 'Schnee-Nikos Alliance.' Turned the whole semester into a massive dick-measuring contest."

Jaune shrugged. "You know how they are. Competitive, overachieving, gave the upperclassmen a run for their money...maybe responsible for the coffee shortage but still got in the top spot at the end of the academic year."

"And then there was...us."

"Yeah. Well, hey. You saved my ass more times than I could count on just our first mission together."

A faint smile graced her lips. "You were strangely a magnet for trouble."

"It's just me being either unlucky or a klutz," he smiled back. "On the bright side, I was good practice, right?"

Blake regarded him, now leaning on her elbow, white lace lining her black brasserie concealing her bosom. "Practice for what?"

"Rescuing people."

She pouted. Then giggled. Then shoved him playfully. "Damsel."

Jaune laughed, nudging her back with his arm. "Hey, you were a damsel too. I mean really? You didn't see that Elder Grimm until it was right in front of you?"

"Moment of weakness! Come on, Jaune."

"Oh, honey, I know moments of weakness and that was more of a blooper."

His wife frowned for a quick second as her lip twitched into an upward curl. "Excuse me, sweetie, but you were a distraction."

"Define 'distraction.'"

She gestured at his abs.

He almost argued back but nodded. "Okay, yeah. But who was it again who cut the straps to my breastplate to begin with?"

"Either you drown in your armor or you swim."

"I didn't have spare clothes."

"You know, Jaune, if we were wed during our Beacon years, we would have been all over each other in more ways than one."

"And if I didn't have seven sisters who I had to chaperone until half of them got married, I wouldn't have been immune to your charms or aroused at the fact that we're in the perfect situation to have sex."

Blake eyed him, tracing his form from his chin to his muscles to even the only piece of clothing protecting the last of his modesty. After a while of her silent scrutiny, she sighed. "Yeah, I'm not in the mood tonight."

"Same here." He shook his head. "I feel like we're more siblings than lovers."

She dropped her head into her hands with a grimace. "Ugh, don't get me started on that trope. I've read so much if it already."

"Hey, not my fault I hide my porn in the worst possible corners. You know how hard it was to get a very excited Ruby Rose off my back!? And that was after Pyrrha confessed to me!"

Blake almost snorted. "Brothers, do you even remember who won the betting pool on Pyrrha finally admitting everything to you?"

"Ozpin."

She shook her head. "We were all so focused on Pyrrha that we forgot about Ruby."

"Forgot?" he scoffed. "Ruby had an 'awakening' that literally knocked her drunk uncle out of his alcoholism for a week and even made Miss Goodwitch call for reinforcements from Atlas!"

The cat faunus once again dropped her head into her hands. "And that, mind you, was how this all began!"

Jaune almost cackled but realized that this was too twisted to be funny to him. "Who could've known that your 'choice literature' led to my best friend gunning after me in the worst possible ways, forcing her sister and her partner to go nuts on me, which had me running to Pyrrha who had a mental breakdown because she thought she 'lost to a squeak-box hussy.' And because Ren and Nora happened to be 'too busy with a private matter' at the time, I had to run to you."

"Sounds like the premise to a rom-com," she groaned. "But it actually happened and it happened to us."

The blonde shrugged and patted her shoulder. "It wasn't so bad. I mean, like, you made for a good fake girlfriend."

She glared at him. "Because you were too stupid to tell your excessively horny best friend that you weren't interested in her and too dense to even realize that your own partner had the hots for you since freshman year."

"But you have to give her credit. She was the maid-of-honor at our wedding."

"One of six maids-of-honor." Blake flicked her husband's ear. "You're lucky you weren't spoiled for choice for a best man."

Jaune ruffled his wife's hair. "Ren was almost the seventh. I've been telling him to get a haircut ever since we graduated but I guess Nora loves pulling on his ponytail."

She stifled a dirty snicker. Thank goodness this idiot she was in bed with got a sharp trim before they tied the knot otherwise she would be forced to fight the temptation to give in to another kink she had.

"Seriously though," he continued. "I know my sisters were insane when it came to fighting over who gets to be who during a wedding but six Huntresses? For the love of...the property damage!"

"Knowing my father, he wouldn't be budging on the compensation for the injuries sustained by the Menagerie Gendarmerie. Better brace for that to be added to your bride price."

It was Jaune's turn to bury his head in his palms. "Thank the Brothers my family still has some of our old influence left. So much money I didn't know we had now spent."

"More like your parents and ancestors were misers who hoarded more than enough cash over multiple generations to be just as rich as mine. Impressive that you managed to keep secret multiple off-shore accounts over decades."

"And because of that hidden wealth and some ancient connections still surviving, our family was important enough to offer up their only son as a candidate on the altar for peace."

"How poetic of you."

He eyed her tiredly. "Thinking about all the stuff we have to sacrifice just to make this whole thing work is starting to give me a headache. And don't get me started on the politics."

Blake smirked, playfully rubbing his arm. "Do you need aspirin then, dear?"

Jaune frowned, coyly leaning onto her shoulder. "Just some sleep, love."

She snickered. Which made him chuckle. Which made her giggle. Which made him laugh. Which made her laugh. After a minute of them laughing together, they settled more comfortably onto the sheets, holding hands while staring up at the ceiling.

"You know," the cat faunus started. "My mom had initially reserved the fertility hut for our use."

The blonde snorted, recalling the immense dread that came over him when he was shown last night the reinforced bungalow propped up on poles in the middle of a wooded grove just on the edge of Kuo Kuana. "I heard someone got dibs there right after the ceremony ended."

"Yeah. Mom wasn't happy but dad let it slide. Frankly, I'm just glad we're here in a ventilated mansion and not in that tiny hotbox."

"A hotbox meant for fucking."

Blake scoffed. "I'll say. Don't really know who got in there but they locked themselves in before anyone noticed and, last I asked, the guards said they were still in there."

"Huh. I guess some people just couldn't wait to let loose." Jaune yawned. "That reminds me: Sun said he would slip me some condoms in case we were planning on delaying the childbearing."

"Yang stole them. Said she wanted to be an auntie."

"Not happening."

"Not yet."

He blinked awake and gawked at his wife. To which, she stared back and snickered.

"What? I can't make jokes, honey?"

Jaune chortled and shook his head. "Oh, sweetie."

They laughed again, the drowsiness ultimately settling in and in minutes, they dozed off to sleep in the same bed together without feeling any more awkward and uncomfortable than they were before, their wedding rings still on their fingers.

Nora pulled on her hair in frustration.

They were supposed to be fucking by now! But all they did was talk, talk, talk and it was getting on her nerves! She resisted the urge to smash her fists through the wood and steadied her breathing, inevitably looking down to her makeshift chair: Ren's thighs.

"Nora," he whispered directly into her ear. "I can't feel my legs."

"Just a few more minutes, Renny," she whispered back. "I need to win that bet!"

"Why not let that one go?" Ren pleaded. "You've already won enough wagers."

"Oh no, I'm not passing this one up! This is Jaune-Jaune we're talking about! Our Fearless Leader has finally gotten that romance that he deserves...even though it's not exactly who he ended up with but the point stands!"

"Nora, please. This is...unbecoming of you."

"Oh, Renny, I'm very unbecoming of a lot of things." She winked back at him, catching the redness on his cheeks. "So wait until we hear some moans. After that, we get our winnings from the betting pool and then you can hear some moans yourself."

He choked up at that. Eventually, he found his voice. "... Wait... Did you bet that they would...become intimate?"

Nora snickered. "We all bet that they'll be fucking. It's just that I bet that they'd be fucking after midnight. Everybody else bet that they'd be fucking before midnight."

"Isn't it already one in the morning?"

"Everybody except Weiss," she growled. "She bet that they wouldn't be fucking at all!"

"... Okay?"

"Just you wait. With Jaune-Jaune being repressed since Beacon and Blake being a closeted horn-dog, it'll only be a matter of time before either one of them breaks and then we'll have victory."

"Right," Ren drawled skeptically. "Just to confirm, this is in no way at all a long-winded excuse for voyeurism?"

Nora rolled her eyes, her lips stretched into a mischievous grin as she patted him on the head before she turned back to the look through the peephole. Then she froze.

Jaune and Blake were awake, sitting up on the bed half-naked, and both staring directly at her. Did they know? Had they known all along? Were they purposely holding off on the best part of the show because they knew she was here and they were trying to blue-ball her!?

"Seriously, Nora?" her former team captain called.

His newly-wedded wife whipped out her scroll. "You have ten seconds to get out before I call the gendarmes."

Needless to say, Nora finally conceded the bet. And Ren could finally feel the blood flowing back into his legs.

Omake

Outside the oppulent Arc-Belladonna residence, Adam Taurus hung drunkenly and despondently off the perch constructed atop the tree that offered him—up until just now—a clear view of the room where his former beloved and her human husband were supposed to be having intimate carnal relations. Instead, all he could ever glean was them chatting about...things...and falling asleep without ever kissing once. They did held hands though but then again, that really didn't mean much.

All in all, it was confusing and infuriating. Confusing because they were supposed to be loving each other in more ways than he could count. Infuriating because that was supposed to be him in there but instead, it was some human. And not just some human who he wanted to cut up into bite-sized pieces but a human who somehow managed to talk him into going back to the moderates reforming the White Fang and going to therapy to deal with his issues.

What issues? He was a freedom fighter! A revolutionary!

He was also intoxicated, on probation, and trying to hear exactly what Blake and her husband were talking about. He also couldn't see straight. And at this very moment, he was hanging off his ankle from the platform, saved from plummeting painfully to the ground by the straps on his harness.

"Shit," he gargled, trying desperately to untangle himself. Or climb back up. He was lost on what exactly he was doing.

"Do you need help, Adam?" called his former lieutenant Ilia Amitola from down below. Her arms were folded and she seemed annoyed. She was also accompanied by two members of the Menagerie Gendarmerie who appeared equally vexed.

"I'm fine!" Adam yelled back. "Let me be!"

"Should we get him?" asked one of the gendarmes.

Captain Ilia Amitola shook her head. "Not unless you want him puking over you while you're coming down."

"So we wait then," the other said unenthusiastically.

"Or we could just set up some cushions or a trampoline here," the chameleon faunus replied. "Make his landing a bit less agonizing."

So they did. They returned later to find Adam tangled up in vines and branches, dangling just a few meters short of the pile of mattresses and pillows that were meant to break his fall. Thankfully, he was already passed out which made their job of bringing him in much easier.

"By the way," Ilia intoned as they hauled him off to the guardhouse. "Is the fertility hut clear?"

The gendarmes grimaced, one of them shaking his head.

Captain Amitola exhaled, looking towards the path that led to the grove where the hut was built. Knowing Sun, he was at least careful and packed protection. Then again, knowing Yang, all that rubber might be for naught.

ORIGINALLY DRAFTED: March 27, 2024

LAST EDITED: May 18, 2024

INITIALLY UPLOADED: May 18, 2024

NOTE: This was largely inspired by an episode of HBO's Rome, specifically episode seven of season two where Gaius Octavian arranges for his sister Octavia to be wed to his rival Marc Antony which results in an awkward honeymoon scene where Octavia and Marc Antonty have passionless lovemaking because they both know that their marriage was entirely political. Also inspired by some Knightshade fics I've read recently.

On a side-note, FFN's on the fritz again with the whole email alert system bugging out. I've tried several fixes and workarounds but it's still bugged out on my end so I have to manually check the site from time to time for alerts or updates.