Chapter 35

Kirijo Mitsuru was an accomplished young woman. Everybody knew it, regardless of whether they said it with reverent praise or jealous disgust. The young Kirijo heir did everything with grace and aplomb, from her dealings with businessmen, students, and teachers, to her own studies, business memos, fencing skills… the list went on.

And yet, as Mitsuru made her way down the hospital hallway, her destination horrifyingly close, she could feel herself unsure of how on earth she was going to behave once she arrived. After all, she would be facing the most guilt-provoking subject in recent recollection. It was odd, really - she had not felt like this in quite some time. But she certainly was not scared, or anything remotely similar.

Kirijo Mitsuru, scared of social interaction? Ridiculous.

She took a deep breath to calm her quickening heartbeat as her footsteps slowed in front of the door to Yukari's room. She was simply speaking to her younger classmate. It was far less intimidating than speaking to the CEO of a rival business, or writing and delivering a speech to the entire student body, right?

Mitsuru raised her fist to the thick door, just underneath the whiteboard attached to it (reading "TAKEBA YUKARI" in neat, uppercase letters). Steeling herself, she only hesitated for a few seconds before knocking firmly on the door twice.

Murmurs and quiet chatter slid under the door, too soft to discern their meaning, and Mitsuru heard the sounds of movement come from within the room. Before too long, the door opened, revealing Yukari's mother standing in the doorframe. She wore a faded (yet well-kept) purple sweater, black yoga pants, and a polite smile.

"Hello, Kirijo-san," Rin said, dipping her head in greeting. "How are you doing?"

"I am doing well, thank you." Mitsuru returned the gesture. "I was wondering if Takeba… if your daughter was here?"

Rin's smile gained a hint of a smirk at Mitsuru's slip before softening as she internalized the question. "Yes, she is. She's just finishing up some physical therapy. I'm guessing you'd like to see her?"

"Ah, yes, I would."

"Wonderful - feel free to come in."

Rin stepped back to let Mitsuru enter the room, and Mitsuru glanced around as she walked inside. It wasn't difficult to see the vast improvements to the décor - a small collection of flowers sprang up from within a vase to the side of Yukari's bed, the windows were open and the blinds were pulled up to let air and sunlight in, and there was even (heavens forbid) a new painting on the wall - abstract art of some kind, a vibrant backdrop to the previously drab room.

Then there was Yukari. When Mitsuru finally managed to tear her eyes over to Yukari, the girl was… healthier, actually. She was lying in her bed, still a little pale, and certainly still wearing her cast, but she was not as gaunt as when she first arrived. That was in part due to Yukari's clothes - no longer was she relegated to wearing the overly-large hospital gown, she had now changed into a far more comfortable sweatpants and t-shirt, nearly the same color as her mother's. (In fact, Yukari's cast notwithstanding, Yukari and Rin looked like a time-lapsed version of the same person… but, for the sanity of everyone involved, Mitsuru decided to keep that to herself.)

"Senpai," Yukari said, voice somewhat guarded. Mitsuru's focus clicked back to reality, and Mitsuru ducked her head in a small greeting.

"Takeba," she replied. "How is your- er, that is, how are you feeling?"

Yes, Mitsuru had been about one second away from asking how Yukari's paralyzed arm was feeling. Thank goodness the window was open - if Mitsuru had the inclination to say anything else similarly stupid, it would be easy to throw herself out of it.

"...I'm doing alright, Senpai." She glanced down at her cast. "Obviously, I've still got this, so I'm not… great. But I'm feeling better."

"Good. That is… very good."

And Mitsuru meant it, despite how stilted she sounded. Looking at her kouhai now, Mitsuru could feel her shoulders loosen a bit, and something deep within her relaxed. Yukari's cast still brought up some ugly thoughts, but Yukari as a whole… she was improving. And that was something that made Mitsuru fight back a smile.

Unfortunately, Mitsuru's long thoughts had contributed to a long silence, and now Mitsuru and Yukari were just staring at each other, with Yukari's eyebrows getting more and more furrowed. Just as Mitsuru noticed this, Rin spoke up.

"Actually, I'm glad you came, Kirijo-san - I was going to grab a nurse to ask about some of the exercises she's doing. Could you watch her as I grab the doctors?"

"Mom, I don't need constant supervision," Yukari grumbled.

"I know, it'd just make me more comfortable. Would that be alright, Kirijo-san?"

"Ah, of course, Takeba-san."

...Never mind the fact that she already felt awkward enough here. But Mitsuru was not about to admit that.

"Thank you." Rin smiled as she nodded at Mitsuru. "Yukari, I'll be back shortly. You two have fun!"

Yukari gave her mom a squinting glance as she left the room, her suspicion plain to see. But Rin just smiled and waved - and if there was a hint of a smirk in that smile, no one had time to comment before she was gone, the squeaks of her shoes on the polished floor retreating into the distance.

Silence stretched out long between the two remaining girls. Mitsuru's mind scrambled to find something to break up the stillness, but she found herself spinning her wheels. Yukari had decided to just look out the window instead - a much less awkward option, in all honesty.

Finally, Mitsuru's mind found traction. "Ah, Takeba, what exercises are you doing?"

Yes, it was elementary conversation-starting. But it was better than nothing (she thought, nearly crossing her fingers in reflex).

"...It's not actually for my shoulder," she said, glancing down at it. "It's for the rest of my body, since all of me apparently got… well, y' know. Kinda messed up."

Yukari's snark was also back in play, which, oddly enough, made Mitsuru relax a bit more, despite the otherwise guilt-provoking subject matter.

"Nothing aside from my arm is really messed up to the same degree," Yukari continued. "But I'm still being asked to do exercises because it's supposed to help with recovery in general. Reduce pain, improve movement… I dunno, build character, whatever."

"I see. And is it going well?"

"Yeah. As well as it can be." Yukari twisted her face. "Though I keep forgetting about my damn arm."

Mitsuru paused, briefly giving focus to the sunlight and breeze from the open window while she gathered courage. "...And, is there any… treatment for that?"

Something in Mitsuru's voice must have sounded off, as Yukari cast a glance directly at the Kirijo heir. "...They've given us several options," she said slowly. "But… there isn't any easy fix that will return me to… to, uh."

"...To normal," Mitsuru finished quietly.

Yukari bit her lip, and raised her left hand to quickly brush her hair away from her eyes before she looked away. "...Yeah."

Quiet stole back into the room. But while before it was an awkward, bumbling figure in the center of things, it was now a somber blanket that descended over the room, draping the duo in solemnity.

I'm sorry. The words were on the tip of Mitsuru's tongue. But when she thought about saying it, she couldn't get over the lump of uncertainty she felt deep in her stomach. It was simultaneously exactly what she knew she should say, but also spectacularly not enough, not even close to enough to compensate for the gravity of Yukari's loss.

Mitsuru could have stood there for an hour debating the positives and negatives of various actions showing her regret. But she didn't, because just a few seconds later, hesitant footsteps approached from the hallway, and after a brief pause, a light knock came from the door. Mitsuru and Yukari both turned towards it, and a few moments later, Yukari said, "Yes?"

The door opened with a light click, and Arisato Hamuko poked her head into the room, her posture still weak and flimsy, and hair still mussed more than usual. Her eyes, though, were more alert than the last time Mitsuru had seen her, and they immediately focused on Yukari… though after a second, she gained some awareness and looked at Mitsuru, blinking owlishly.

"Oh… hey, Senpai." Hamuko said, swallowing before glancing down at the floor, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind her. "I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"That is alright," Mitsuru replied. "I presume you are here to see Takeba?"

Hamuko nodded, and Mitsuru couldn't help but note that Yukari had perked up slightly as she looked at Hamuko. "I, uh," Hamuko said, fumbling around in her pockets before she pulled out a small bag - one which Mitsuru eventually identified as a crumpled bag of gummy bears. "I got you something."

Something about Hamuko's serious expression combined with the bent bag of sweets made Yukari laugh, and even Mitsuru had to smile a bit at that. "You didn't have to, Hamuko-chan," she said, her smile growing. "I'm being fed well here."

"...I know," Hamuko replied. "I'm just… I feel like…" She bit her lip and looked down. "...Last time I was here, I was overprotective. What with picking up the, er, lint and stuff. And… I know I don't need to do that. I know you're responsible for yourself. And you don't need me to take care of everything for you."

Hamuko spoke each word slowly and deliberately, like she was trying to convince herself of them more than Yukari. Yukari's smile grew confused, and she tilted her head, sweeping her legs off the side of her bed and sliding her feet softly onto the ground, walking over to Hamuko and gently taking the bag of candy away from her. "You were a bit much, last time," she agreed, and Hamuko looked up with squinched eyes and a small, abashed smile. "And I'm not sure where this is all coming from… but I agree," Yukari continued. "My actions are still my own. I'm still me, Hamuko-chan."

"...Yeah," Hamuko agreed unsteadily, making eye contact with Yukari through seemingly great mental effort. "You are."

As the two girls looked at each other, Mitsuru felt more and more awkward standing by the side of the room. She cleared her throat, standing up straighter as Yukari and Hamuko looked over at her.

"I apologize for this, but I feel I must take my leave now," Mitsuru said. "Arisato, Takeba's mother tasked me with staying in the room while she talked with the doctors. Would you mind staying with her in my stead?"

Storm clouds started gathering in Yukari's expression as Mitsuru kept talking, but Hamuko quietly shook her head. "Not at all, Senpai," she said. "I actually wanted to talk to Yukari-chan privately, anyways."

That seemed to get Yukari's attention. The storm in her eyes broke as curiosity replaced it, and she glanced at her friend. Mitsuru took this chance to... strategically withdraw.

"Thank you, Arisato," she said. "And… Takeba?"

Yukari paused before turning back to Mitsuru, eyebrows still raised inquiringly. "Yeah, Senpai?"

It took all of Mitsuru's willpower to not swallow, or look away, or do anything else that could betray herself. She managed to look Yukari in the eye, and say:

"I… am sorry for your loss, and I truly hope you feel better soon. Please let me know if I can assist you in any way."

Yukari's face slackened a bit at the words, and even Hamuko's focus turned back to Mitsuru with slightly widened eyes. A pleased feeling swelled within Mitsuru… although, she was not sure she appreciated that they were both so surprised at her kind words.

Either way, she was able to briskly nod to them both, and leave the room with her chin high and back straight, and perhaps with a spring in her step that she was sure to stamp down before anyone noticed.

Regardless of personal growth, Kirijo Mitsuru would not skip.

Hamuko and Yukari watched the door swing closed as Mitsuru left, the pause in speech giving Hamuko the time she needed to take a mental breath. Hell, maybe even a real breath.

As the final part of her promise to Fuuka, Hamuko had agreed to talk to Yukari. However, unlike with Minato, Hamuko actually had a purpose this time - she needed to apologize. She had been so caught up in her thoughts and her determined intent earlier that she had never apologized for letting Yukari get paralyzed. Maybe it could be argued that she was not wholly responsible for Yukari's condition… but she had still been right there when it happened. There was no one else who could have directly stopped Yukari from getting hurt. However, Minato's words had also made Hamuko think about her other, more recent actions: specifically, just how much she had treated Yukari like a fragile, breakable thing, incapable of taking care of herself.

God, there was a lot Hamuko had done wrong to Yukari recently.

So, although she was somewhat dreading it, she took the opportunity granted by her promise to Fuuka, and she planned a hospital trip. She wanted everything to be perfect, which of course hadn't helped her nerves at all. Even though she'd quickly texted Minato to verify what type of gummies Yukari would like (yes, it was weird that he somehow knew… but he'd already brought Yukari gummy bears earlier this month, so whatever, she's panicking and she can analyze that more later), she was still as skittery as Junpei on exam day.

...She should really take that mental breath.

Also, she should probably break this long-past-awkward silence that had grown while she got lost exploring her thoughts. She turned back to Yukari, and almost tried for a smile… but even before she donned the expression, she could feel its falseness. Learning her lesson from her conversation with Fuuka, she dropped it this time, leaving her face mostly emotionless.

Yukari's face, meanwhile, was covered in emotion. Her eyes were scrunched in confusion and concern, and her frown was growing with each new second of silence. Hamuko needed to say something, now.

"I talked to Fuuka-chan," she blurted.

Yukari's confusion grew, and Hamuko nearly slapped herself in annoyance. Why was 'I talked to Fuuka' turning into her default conversation starter?

"Okay…?" Yukari replied.

"I also talked to Mina," Hamuko continued, unsure where on earth her mouth was leading her.

"...Alright." Yukari cocked her head. "Were you talking about me?"

"Yes. Well, no. Sort of."

Hamuko clenched one hand into a fist by her side, trying to do so sneakily so that Yukari wouldn't notice. But Yukari's eyes quickly flitted down to look at Hamuko's hand, before going back up to make eye contact with her. Hamuko nearly sighed as she loosened it.

"...It was tough to come here today," she admitted. "When I talked to Fuuka-chan, I promised to talk to you and to Mina. But I…" Hamuko swallowed, while Yukari's expression tilted down into outright worry. "I didn't want you to see me like this. 'Cause I was pretty sure I was gonna be a mess."

"Hamuko-chan, what are you talking about?" Yukari cried, reaching out to grasp Hamuko's hand with her good hand. Hamuko's heart skipped a beat, and almost on reflex, she gripped Yukari's hand back. "You don't need to worry about appearing… god, like anything!"

"Y-Yukari-chan, I just… I know that everyone looks up to me, in their own way." Hamuko gripped her other hand into a fist again, and she felt her grip tighten on Yukari's hand. "And… I can't let anyone down again. Not like I let you down. And I'm trying so hard to do my best, so I thought that meant… only showing my strong side. And not letting anyone make a mistake again."

She bit her lip for a moment, before she continued. "...But Fuuka-chan and Mina both said some things that… are making me rethink things. So I… I really wanted to apologize. Apologize for my mistakes during the… the, fight. But also apologize for how I was acting afterwards. 'Cause I'm still trying to do better. I'm still improving. So I'm… I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, for everything."

Hamuko let her mouth rest after that long ramble, letting her head drop down towards the ground. Yukari was silent for a while - long enough that Hamuko almost looked back up again. But before Hamuko made any movement, Yukari spoke up.

"...Hamuko-chan…" she said slowly. "I don't know how you got it into your head that you have to be this… I dunno, paragon for myself and the rest of S.E.E.S. And it sounds like you're really having a tough time, and I'm sorry to hear that." Yukari paused. "But… saying that we all look up to you, it sounds… pretty arrogant."

Hamuko's head snapped up, and panic flared through her. "I- What? But I- I didn't mean…"

"I-I know! I know you don't mean it like that." Yukari quickly interjected. "I'm not mad at you."

"…But why?" Hamuko's voice nearly cracked. "If I'm being arrogant, why aren't you mad?"

Yukari blinked. "I mean… I might get frustrated at you, sometimes. And I might call you out if I see you do or say something annoying. But… Hamuko-chan, you're amazing. I wouldn't give up being your friend for anything."

Yukari's words pierced straight into Hamuko's heart. She staggered back half a step as emotions coursed through her, and Yukari took one step forward, towards Hamuko and her wide, uncertain eyes.

"…Hamuko," Yukari said, and Hamuko almost shivered. "You don't have to be perfect for us to follow you. And you don't have to be perfect for us to like you."

Hamuko stood frozen, only able to blink. The words were too strong, rooting her in place, and letting no other action through as they raced through her mind, again and again.

"That…" she began, once her faculties slowly returned. "That wasn't what I learned when I was younger."

"That wasn't what you…?" Yukari repeated, her brow furrowing. "Who the hell told you otherwise?"

"N-no one! Not directly, at least," Hamuko said, leaning back from the force of Yukari's words. "It's just what I… picked up along the way."

Yukari stood there with her mouth open and her eyes narrowed to slits, like she wanted to punch someone in the face but wasn't sure who to hit. "That's- That's absurd," she sputtered. "Absolutely insane. What kind of idiot-" She paused there, as Hamuko shrank into herself again. "Not you," she said emphatically. "You are way too smart to be an idiot. A goofball, absolutely. An idiot? Never. I was saying, what kind of idiot would ever try to impart that to a kid like you?"

Hamuko didn't answer. Yukari blew out a frustrated sigh.

"It's fine, Hamuko-chan," Yukari said. "I'm just mad because I… I don't like to see you like this. All torn up over… me. Beating yourself up because I made a dumb mistake, and I tried to fight a billion-meter-tall Shadow by myself, against your wishes."

"...I know," Hamuko replied after a few seconds. "I get it. It's just… even after hearing everything everyone said, it's hard for me to get over the fact that someone as good as you had this happen to them."

"...As good as me," Yukari said, chuckling with a bitter aftertaste in her voice. Hamuko looked up quizzically.

"Yes, someone as good as you," Hamuko repeated. This time, it was her eyes that began to narrow at the tone of Yukari's voice. "Why would anyone think otherwise?"

"Clearly, you haven't heard what people at school say about me."

"I don't take stock in rumors and gossip around my friends."

"Clearly, you haven't heard the things my mom and I used to say to each other."

"I think we all say things we regret sometimes."

"Clearly, you don't know how I treat Junpei-kun."

Something about Yukari's voice in that last sentence made Hamuko pause. She took another look at Yukari - her tense body language, her averted gaze - and leaned forwards.

"Actually," she began slowly. "I think I might."

Yukari's eyes briefly shot up at that, and she let go of Hamuko's hand, crossing her good arm across her body, reaching up to gently grasp one edge of the cast on her opposite shoulder. "...Do you?" she asked, eyes dropping back down to her lap, and Hamuko wasn't positive if the tone was cautious, concerned, or something else.

Hamuko nodded. "I think that sometimes, you're too mean with what you say to him." Almost immediately, Yukari began to draw back, and Hamuko's words grew heavy in her mouth. "Sometimes, you're abrasive to him, and… you call him names. And it looks like…" Hamuko hesitated again. She quietly wrung her hands together, before steeling herself and forging ahead, some deep part of her mind telling her that her next words were important.

"And sometimes," Hamuko said, thinking back to one of the days when she got ramen with Yukari and Junpei, "Sometimes, I think you don't like to be seen with him in public."

Totally drawn back now, Yukari sat down on the bed. She turned away from Hamuko like a hedgehog curling into a spiky ball, taking her free hand off her shoulder to cover her mouth. Hamuko bit her lip as she took a hesitant step forwards, while Yukari remained totally silent until she lowered her hand and bit out a short laugh.

"Wow," Yukari said, her voice small. "You did know." She looked up, a bitter smile spreading thinly across her face. "And you still hang out with me."

"Yeah?" Hamuko said, half-asking, half-stating. "Obviously I would-"

"Oh, don't obviously me," Yukari snapped. "I'm a shitty person. A shitty, shitty friend. I mean, what kind of person would actually try to hide that they're hanging out with their friend!" Yukari scraped a coarse laugh out of her throat, closing her eyes as she drew the knives of her words on herself, letting her barbed tongue lash out on her own failings. "What kind of awful, morally bankrupt-"

"Yukari!"

Yukari immediately froze as Hamuko barked her name. Hamuko watched as Yukari snapped to attention, a look of confusion blooming across her face as she stared at Hamuko. And while Hamuko wasn't sure what her face looked like, she knew what she felt.

She was angry.

Her eyes narrowed, and she stepped forwards.

Arisato Hamuko was really fucking angry.

"Do you really think that saving someone's life is that trivial?!" Hamuko growled, danger in her tone.

"Hamuko-chan, I-"

"No, you will let me finish."

Yukari, whose mouth was still open before Hamuko's interruption, meekly closed her mouth and nodded once as Hamuko continued to walk over with wide strides, a straight back, and eyebrows so deeply furrowed that they hurt her face.

"Maybe a month or two ago, I would have agreed with you. But now, I've seen you in action - I've seen your actions. And you know what? You are amazing," thundered Hamuko, with unwavering certainty ringing clearly in her booming voice. "You made mistakes, yes. You are mean with your words. You call him names unnecessarily. But you know what else you do? You make sure he lives to see another day, every time we fight together. And this? This?!" Hamuko's hand thrust out, her finger pointing towards Yukari's cast, and Yukari looked down at it mutely. "You stood in between Junpei-kun and a Shadow five times your size, willingly. No one made you do that. God, I tried to stop you! And you have the audacity to try to tell me that you're not a good person?!"

Hamuko was breathing hard by the end of her tirade, leaning forwards while her expression exuded pure, unfiltered outrage. Her chest heaved as she yanked herself back upright, looking down at Yukari, who now looked back up.

"Yeah," Hamuko said at length, between breaths. "I want you to stop calling him names. I want you to be nicer to him. And you shouldn't pretend you're not hanging out with him. But the next person who tries to say you're not a good person is gonna get it from me."

Hamuko was breathing hard, and her fists were clenched tightly by her sides - but it felt right. Her protective words, her tirade… it felt good. After so long of trying to act in one specific way, finally letting her emotions out in a way that she knew was right…

Well, it was freaking awesome.

"I…" Yukari began quietly, her tone immediately grabbing Hamuko's attention. "I really appreciate you saying all that, Hamuko-chan." She swallowed, looking down. "But that doesn't… excuse the awful things I've said to him. The things I've done."

"No, they don't," Hamuko said. "Nothing can. But having room for growth doesn't make you a bad person. And making mistakes you can't take back doesn't mean you should wallow in guilt for the rest of your life."

Hamuko abruptly stopped talking at that point, and from the corner of her eyes, she saw Yukari look back up after a few seconds. But Hamuko had momentarily stopped paying attention. She had felt her face shift again, and she was sure she now looked absolutely thunderstruck. Because as she had spoken the last two sentences, her very own words had hit her almost like a physical blow, as if they had sprung to life and smacked her upside the head.

"...And that's why," Hamuko said, shaking the remnants of her stupor away with a brief twitch of her head. "That's why I don't want to hear another self-disparaging comment from you. Understood?"

Hamuko looked back down as Yukari gave a weak nod, reaching her good hand up and drawing some of her hair to the side. After breathing in, she released a shaky breath, before opening her mouth.

"I-I'll try. But, Hamuko-chan, I can't just… ignore this guilt," Yukari said, her voice weak and rickety, like a house whose foundations were shuddering. "I can't pretend that everything I did, didn't happen." She couldn't help the dry not-really-a-chuckle that slipped out of her. "Sometimes I can barely look at Junpei-kun because of how others treat him… how I treat him."

Looking up, Yukari paused, voice wavering on the edge of cracking. "...How can I treat him better when I can't even look at him straight?"

Hamuko's heart twisted, and she took a deep breath. But as she did so, something moved in the corner of her eye, and she turned her head to look. It was her own reflection, staring straight at her from within a full-length mirror standing next to Rin's bed. For whatever reason - maybe the emotions of the conversation, maybe the angle she'd been facing - it was only now that she noticed it. It was only now that she noticed herself.

There she was: Arisato Hamuko. Her hair was such a mess - god, when was the last time she'd used a brush? Her uniform was rumpled in ways that violated the laws of physics, and the bags under her eyes were so pronounced they could have been painted on.

"Hamuko-chan?" Yukari asked, tentative and quiet.

Continuing to stare at the mirror, Hamuko opened her mouth.

"Don't be so consumed by your mistakes," Hamuko heard herself say as her reflection spoke, eyes piercing into Hamuko's soul. "That you forget who you are."

Silence dominated the room with a thickness, an importance surrounding Hamuko's words, which seemed to echo around her long after she finished speaking. Hamuko felt them, somehow, with a light shudder running through her as they repeated over and over in her head.

"...W-what?" came Yukari's confused reply.

Hamuko closed her eyes. Her thoughts drifted back to the past few days, back to a normally diminutive teal-haired girl standing in front of her outside the gym, her posture as sturdy as an oak tree with an expression full of fire on her face.

"You've made mistakes in your friendship with Junpei-kun," she said, reopening her eyes and turning to look at Yukari. "But you shouldn't get so lost in your guilt that you forget about him."

"I-I'm not trying to forget him!" Yukari cried, her back straightening and her good fist clenching.

Hamuko jolted at Yukari's cry. "I-I know! I know, I didn't mean…" She screwed up her face as she paused, fumbling with her words. "I mean… I'm trying to say, don't forget about what he needs."

As Yukari's eyes dropped down, processing Hamuko's words, another memory flitted into Hamuko's mind: her twin brother, cross-legged on his bed, with a fiery protectiveness erupting from within him and surging across his face for the first time in Hamuko's recent memory.

"You feel guilty, and in some ways, you… y-you should," she said, hesitating as she watched the painful words she spoke hit home in Yukari's heart, painting an expression of hurt and betrayal across Yukari's face. "Y-You caused a lot of the pain," Hamuko continued. "But… I'm guilty, too. I could have called you out on more of your behavior earlier - especially when I noticed you pretending to not hang out with Junpei-kun. I let that happen."

Hamuko took a shaky breath. "We're both guilty. But I'm not saying that we should feel guilty forever. That guilt, that blame… it's also responsibility. Because we are the ones who can make it right."

Yukari looked up at Hamuko to find her staring right back, and the two girls locked eyes, all their emotions laid bare.

"Yukari-chan…" Hamuko began again. "I've made a lot of mistakes recently. Starting with your… starting with that," she said, briefly raising a hand to point at Yukari's paralyzed arm. "But I'm… I'm going to learn from them. Actually learn. Not let them control who I am, and what I do. Not anymore."

She glanced over at something to Yukari's side, and nodded at it, making Yukari look in that direction. On the bedside table was Yukari's phone, innocently sitting to the side.

"And I think you should do the same," Hamuko finished, eyes still on Yukari's phone.

Yukari inhaled sharply. "Oh," she said, her voice small.

"Text him," Hamuko said. "It doesn't have to be big. Just… a starting point. A first step."

Yukari's eyes didn't waver from the phone.

"...Do I even know how to be nice, anymore?" Yukari murmured, half to herself. Hamuko actually laughed at that - but it was a quiet, kind laugh.

"You might be out of practice," she said. "But you never forgot."

"Big words," Yukari said, reflexive snark slipping into her words, before she paused. "...But I guess we'll see, huh?"

"Yeah." As she spoke, a small smile began to dawn on Hamuko's face. "...We will."

The two girls sat and stood together, letting the end of the conversation wash over them gently. After a few moments, Hamuko realized that she was staring at Yukari, noticing that the archer's hazelnut hair was slightly mangled from the awkward brushing that she probably had to re-learn how to do with her opposite hand.

"Hey." The word tumbled out of Hamuko's mouth before she knew it, and oh god, where is my mouth taking me now?

Yukari, cocking her head, only raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Can I drop the honorific for you?" Hamuko asked.

And then, she despaired. God damn it, after such a cool streak of saying big, important things, she just had to go and mess it up right at the end. Almost immediately, Hamuko felt a hot blush rise to her cheeks, and her heartbeat began racing.

What the actual hell, me? Who asks that?

Unknowing of Hamuko's internal wailing, Yukari just laughed. Yukari's smile was wide and brilliant, and she didn't seem the least bit perturbed by Hamuko's wacky question.

"Honestly… I'd love that." Yukari smiled. "I would love that, Hamuko."

Hearing her own name mentioned so casually, Hamuko's lips immediately curved upwards, completely on their own initiative. A strain that she hadn't even felt in her back lessened as she relaxed into a more natural posture, and the sunlight spilling into the room somehow grew brighter.

"Okay," Hamuko finally said. "Cool."

Yukari laughed again, leaning back and closing her eyes as her bed creaked under her. "Wow, you… really sounded like Minato-kun there."

Hamuko's mouth dropped open. Horror flooded through her. "Oh, god," she breathed, eyes wide. "You are absolutely right."

"Oh, I know." Yukari leaned forwards again, her smile taking on hints of a smirk. "Hamuko, I love you, but if you start talking like Minato-kun we're gonna have issues."

"I- er, yeah, of course," Hamuko replied, her blush slightly returning. "Don't worry, I'll make sure the disease stops spreading."

Yukari snorted, shaking her head with a chuckle before making eye contact with Hamuko. "Good. I like you just as you are now."

The two girls lapsed back into a happy silence for a few more moments, before Hamuko broke eye contact first, reaching up to straighten a strand of her hair and clear her throat. "Well, anyways… I should go," she said. Then she blinked. "Wait, Mitsuru-senpai said your mom wanted someone to keep you company here-"

"I'll be fine, Hamuko. Remember?" Yukari continued to smile. "I'm still me."

"...Yeah," Hamuko said, looking down for a fast second before glancing back up with a nod. "Alright. Then I'll leave you be. And, hey," Hamuko jutted her chin out at the phone next to Yukari. "Don't forget about that, yeah?"

"I won't, I won't," Yukari sighed, waving her hand at Hamuko.

"Okay," Hamuko said, smiling and turning around with a wave. "See you later… Yukari."

"Bye, Hamuko," came the reply, a smile still heard in Yukari's voice before Hamuko walked out the door, and shut it behind her with a click.

As soon as she was out of sight of Yukari, Hamuko heaved a deep sigh and deflated a bit, leaning her back against the door. After a moment, a smile reappeared on her face, small but genuine, as she replayed the events of the past several minutes.

Holy shit. That was a lot.

A few long moments passed just like that, Hamuko being supported by the door as her emotions churned through her. Then, as she continued to recall everything that had just happened, some of her own words came back to her.

A starting point.

The words echoed in her mind.

A first step.

Hamuko swallowed, clenched her fists, and pushed herself off of the door, propelling herself into the hallway. For the first time in recent memory, Hamuko's steps were wide, her back was naturally straight, and - although the bags on her eyes hadn't disappeared, and she could still feel exhaustion bearing down on her - she felt like she could see clearly once more.

In Yukari's room, as soon as Hamuko left, Yukari leaned back on the pillows behind her on the bed, looking up at the ceiling.

Learn from your mistakes, the Hamuko in her mind repeated. Actually learn.

Yukari looked back down, planning to glance again at her phone. But before she did, she noticed her reflection in the full-length mirror, and she couldn't help but stare.

Yukari looked similar to Hamuko in a lot of ways, at the moment. Even though she had been brushing her hair, she still wasn't used to using only one hand, so her hair was mussed and not nearly as neat as it usually was. She thought she looked healthier than she had when she was checked in, but she still looked relatively gaunt, especially since her new shirt (made for accommodating her cast) was baggy and loose around her. (Not as baggy and loose as the hospital gown, but still.) The other bruises and scratches and cuts she'd gotten from the fight were still there, too, though they were healing up to the point where she had to actually look for them - no longer did they jump out at her, screaming her weakness to the world.

She swallowed. Then she looked back down at her phone, still resting quietly with its screen facing down, as it had been this whole time. With a slightly trepidatious feeling running through her, she reached out for her phone, picking it up and feeling its cool plastic underneath her fingertips.

This is fine. Yukari nodded to herself. How hard could it be?

Five hours and three separate attempts later, deep into the night, Yukari sent a text, and immediately put the phone face down again with a shuddering breath.

There. I hope you're happy, Hamuko.

The next day, Yukari woke up to the usual sight: her mom (finally back in the room after her long meeting with the doctors last night) sleeping on the opposite bed, turned away from her. The vanilla-colored blankets covering Rin rose and fell peacefully, illuminated by the sunlight sneaking into the room around the closed curtains, and the mirror next to her bed reflected glimmering shards of morning sunlight across the room.

Yukari took in this still scene, crossing her legs underneath her blankets, until her phone lit up and buzzed. She snatched and opened it up to check her messages, seeing Junpei's reply along with her initial text:

Hey Junpei. Hope you're doing well.

-Me- 10:28 PM, June 19th

..

Wow, you texting me out of the blue? And late at night, after I'd gone to bed? Crazy - no one told me it was opposite day!

-Iori Junpei - 8:27 AM, June 20th

As she read the message, she couldn't help but roll her eyes a bit at the typical Junpei response, but a smile spread over her face and a chuckle escaped her. Without thinking, she began typing away on her phone in response. And while the words felt just a bit unnatural and awkward to her, they also just felt…

Yukari paused, then sent the message.

Damn it all, it just felt right.

Whatever, Junpei. :) Glad you're well.

-Me- 8:30 AM, June 20th

Shout outs to:

Noearthlyclue, Cromslow, Gefallenen Engel, MelloReyes, Solars, and RaidouXXV for following;

Cromslow, Gefallenen Engel, MelloReyes, Solars, RaidouXXV, and RedFlambo for fav'ing;

RaidouXXV and Maxxus Herald for reviewing;

And as ever, my wonderful beta disasternoj for betaing!

Thanks as always for reading, and I'll see you in the next update!

[Next chapter drops June 18th, 2024!]