ERNIE 073

by Akktri

An autobiography of a Xenomorph.

136. Chapter 108: Angel and Quacebs 2

The debris...not quite the weight of an automobile engine block...Of course, I suppose it could have been close to that weight - if I had not been a Ss'sik'chtokiwij, the pressure could have caused me to be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of my life.

I felt somewhat like Winnie the Pooh, stuck halfway out a hole, arms dangling over the side. I could view the sky by craning my neck upwards, or looking at the reflective piece of steel attached to a nearby bulkhead.

Behind me, the fallen section of the craft reminded me of a lopsided giant's head with poorly maintained teeth.

The mouse whiffled at me, as if saying, "Get out of there, idiot!" but I couldn't move.

The falling stars grew in size. Along with it came a dusting of snow.

How lovely! I thought. The first snowflakes of winter on an alien world!

Actually, no, this dusting appeared to be gray and black, alive with the wiggling red-orange of miniature embers.

Sigh. Just more space debris.

A spear-like steel rod flashed down like lightning just inches from my head, burying itself into the ground like Robin Hood's arrow. I uttered prayers to prepare myself for a final voyage to the Great Beyond.

A hazy yellow object appeared in the corner of my vision, perhaps due to my body flattening and getting insufficient oxygen being transported to my brain.

It gained definition: Immense, bug-like, its fabric felt body covered in feathers.

The creature purred as it turned its long needle-like beak my way. "Sh'kassk'dwuissueblik! What are you doing in there?"

"Gretchen...Goose?"

The needle nose bobbed to indicate a yes. "Sh'kassk'dwuissueblik, it's not safe to lay about in this place. You need to move!"

"I can't! The debris collapsed! I'm...stuck!"

Gretchen purred in amusement. "You can do it, Sh'kassk'dwuissueblik! I believe in you!"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I can't!"

"Sh'kassk'dwuissueblik, don't you know that you're special?...In your own special way?"

On cue, a band played from somewhere, and Gretchen Goose broke into a song and dance number:

"There's only one of you

It's true, it's true

Don't look around for someone else

To do what you can do!

Cats have agility

Cows have tranquility

And you have an ability

That is uniquely you!

You can solve a problem

In your own special way

If you think and think

And think it away!

Like a snake wiggles

To get out of pickles

Like a skunk gets out of fixes

By using its stink

You can do amazing things

If you just think think think!"

Gretchen leaned close to me and purred. "What do you have that no human has, Sh'kassk'dwuissueblik?"

"Umm...a mouth claw..."

"Good! What else?"

"Wall climbing suckers..."

"True..."

"Special mouth tentacles to communicate with other brains..."

"Yes, yes, what else?"

"An exoskeleton. Acid blood."

"Wonderbar! How can use use that to get out of this predicament?"

I deliberately cut my arm on a piece of jagged metal, smearing acid blood around my stomach, and the debris pinning me. As the metal bubbled, I pushed with my arms and legs.

At first, I didn't budge, but with an additional application of steaming blood and some serpentine wiggling, the temporary gaps and lubrication allowed the rest of my frame to become dislodged, to a slight degree.

A fireball flashed above me, uncomfortably close. I pulled my upper torso in, and something shattered where my body had been.

A coffee mug. Possibly not deadly, but I've heard you can drop a penny off a skyscraper and murder someone.

Ka-Rang! Down crashed a water heater.

Trembling, I slathered more blood around my stomach and waist, wiggling outwards, inch by agonizing inch.

The debris widened out. In my eagerness to escape, I unflattened my stomach and got stuck again. Had to force myself to compress.

The debris gave a threatening groan, trembled like it intended to crush me in its crooked teeth.

I pushed myself along further, out to a wider gap, where the spacecraft parts appeared able to stand open on their own, without support.

Or so I thought.

Got my lower torso and legs free from the confines of the giant's mouth, allowing my body to fully decompress as I shoved off toward the cracked soil beyond.

Chomp! Down came the debris, trapping my feet and tail within the giant's teeth.

Although unpleasant, the weight did not destroy my feet...though my stump of a tail seemed to have lost its nerve endings.

Squeak!

I looked up just in time to see a microwave hurtling my way. I scooted inwards on my hands, doing a half hand stand. The infernal machine smashed into the dirt.

I performed a raccoon's fish washing routine with blood, around my ankles and tail. My feet slipped free, my tail did not.

I hung upside down from it, twisting like a contortionist, applying more blood.

At last I popped free, rolling across the barrel wasteland in a reverse somersault.

I brushed myself off and stood, sobbing like a human as I recovered from the ordeal. Again, not out of sadness, this was just a respiratory thing, like coughing.

Bang! Crash! A sound like an earthquake. Terrified, I spontaneously urinated on the soil.

I looked all around. Nothing but smoke rising from a nearby mountain range.

I gazed skyward for signs of dangerous objects.

The Sulaco had been immense, and far above the planet, but I think you'll agree that the sheer amount of debris that had already fallen borderline stretches credibility. I did not not see any more `shooting stars,' just a lot of burning `snowflakes,' ash settling like gray hoarfrost on the ground.

The mouse scurried back up my exoskeleton, whiffling in my face.

First time I'd actually been able to stop and appreciate my surroundings without something trying to crush me to death.

A vast rocky expanse, like the surface of a moon. It made me homesick, and sad about all those Ss'sik'chtokiwij taken by Archeron's atomic explosion.

A natural satellite loomed immense in the sky above, beautiful in its strangeness: Pale yellow, covered in asymmetrical purple polka dots, its spiderweb cracks suggesting...ice?

I appeared to be at the foot of some canyon. In the far distance, inverted mountains stood amidst an ordinary range...it baffled me how such a massive facet of a natural landscape could defy all laws of gravitation in such a way.

All the spaceship debris made the place resemble a junkyard, but it thinned out the further I strolled.

A herd of pillbugs the size of house cats scampered across my path. The mouse got scared and pressed itself against my neck. I purred in amusement, though faintly.

Hungry, thirsty, suffering from blood loss...weary from my harrowing journey and bruised all over...I became light headed, my vision fogging.

Before I knew it, I'd fallen facefirst on the crumbly dirt. It scared the mouse terribly, but the small creature possessed considerable agility, so it survived the fall uninjured. I, however...

Consciousness faded. Did I drift into the realm of death, or mere slumber?...Not sure...

All I knew: During my moments of semi-wakefulness, a hulking white figure had descended from the heavens on dragonfly wings.

Shiny exoskeleton, thick limbed, long feelers. Its cockroach head moved in close, cyclops eye peering at me with curiosity, proboscis quivering.

An angel? Demon? Some alien life form? I did not know, but I had this sudden irrational thought about wanting it to be the father of my children.

"Hello handsome..." It probably sounded like me talking in my sleep.

The creature grabbed me with its two sets of arms, throwing me over its right shoulders.

"Are you taking me to heaven?" I asked.

The creature did not answer.

---

[0000]

Quacebs, Book 2, Part 6

[0000]

---

"Um, Quana? I'm pretty sure humans don't have wumloqs. I was just saying that to not be vulgar, and I was in pain."

She rolled her eyes. "Mepjar? How is it not vulgar to say wumloq? If you don't have a wumloq, be more accurate and say pe—"

"Quana, nobody on earth knows what a wumloq is. Everyone knows what that other thing is. Would it help if I said `human wumloq?'"

She smacked her face. "Okay, fine. When we get married, we definitely should get a Nennop."

"That guy we met at dinner? Why is he so important?...Wait, a nennop? There's more than one of him?"

"Yes, Matt."

"Hey, tú familia, su familia." Then, when she gave me a blank look: "My family, your family."

"I'm glad you feel that way. At any rate, I already guessed that you don't have an Abreya wumloq. I've seen the recordings from the zoo."

I blushed. "You saw me naked."

"Look, I tried not to, but nobody censored it. You can't make your eyes not see something if you aren't expecting to see it."

"And...you're okay with marrying me, despite the difference?"

"Matt, I already said yes. I didn't want to admit it, even to myself, but...I...actually find the...strangeness...exciting...in a physical way." Quana frowned. "Are you able to...go to the bathroom at all?"

"I...don't know. I...haven't felt the need yet."

"Matt, I...really don't know if you should be going to the zoo in your condition."

"C'mon, it'll take my mind off it."

"Okay, if you say so."

I didn't tell you that Dista had been watching us this whole time, whispering questions to Quana, silently eavesdropping, her mouth at times hanging open in shock. "Mot, will you still be able to make eggs with Geigy Quana?"

I blushed. "That's really none of your business, Dista."

The servant's face turned green. "Are we not friends? If you have a serious medical condition, I am as concerned as Quana about the state of your wumloq."

"Dista," I groaned. "You are a friend, but my human wumloq does not belong to you."

Now it was Quana's turn to blush. She gave me a look that said `I can't believe you just said that!' She cleared her throat. "Dista, Matt is shy, and I don't know if even he knows what is happening to his...human wumloq."

Dista looked at me like some kid in a hospital with his leg in a cast. You know, `Poor baby.' "I am sorry about your human wumloq, Mot."

"Can we please talk about something else?"

She glanced at my fiancee. "Geigy Quana, please excuse me if you find this disrespectful, but can you afford to also bring me along?"

I reddened with embarrassment, glancing at Quana. "Do you really want her...coming along?...On our date?"

"I am required to observe the princess and report to the queen," Dista answered.

I thought for sure quana would agree that 'threes a crowd', and it would be more romantic to have a date between just me and her, but Quana only said, "Matt, just pretend she's a nennop."

"What, like that guy I met while dining with your family? What's he got to do with it?"

She didn't give a clear answer. "It can still be romantic. Just be extra bold." I blushed. like it's that easy, I thought. "...Right."

We got in the car, Quana up front, Dista in the back seat...observing us.

The moment I began drive to the zoo, both Dista and Quana 's communicators chimed simultaneously.

Quana looked at the screen and grinned. "Well, Dista! I see that Keith wants to meet with you when he's off work."

Dista clicked some buttons. "I will tell him I am busy. The queen ordered me to monitor you."

I pulled off on a shoulder, my face flushing hot. "Seriously? You're saying no to a date, so you can...'monitor us'?"

"I'm only following the Queen's orders."

Quana gave me a look that said that wasn't so wrong, but then glanced over her shoulder. "Although I don't want you to lose your job, I also don't think we should stand between you and your love life."

She pushed buttons on her communicator, explaining the situation to her mother...

...who had been in bed asleep at the time.

Tama's groaning response: Quana can do anything she wants...on earth, but the spaceship isn't going anywhere.

Oh, and she gave this additional remark: "Dista, if Quana returns home injured, dead or with egg, you will lose your job and end up in a prison cell."

The servant swallowed hard. "Yes, my queen."

"Mot...the same applies to you."

I paled. "Yes my queen. Sorry we woke you."

The queen made an irritated snort and disconnected.

I chuckled. "Guess it would be early dawn over there...or something...on her sleeping day, no less...Guess you're stuck watching the Supica, though, huh, Dista?"

"The supica is equipped with surveillance, system monitoring, planetary positioning and emergency lockdown. I have also placed a tracking device on this primitive vehicle. I can go where I want...but I will be watching. I take my job very seriously. Mot, you should too."

"Yeah..."

I dropped her off at Quana's house, and we continued on our way.

"So..." Quana said. "Am I to assume your wumloq belongs to me?"

I blushed. "That...kinda goes with being married, right?"

She giggled. "Any other female might take unfair advantage of a male who says such a thing."

My blush deepened.

The zoo had stone statues of animals above the gates. Being the wrong temperature for such warm clothing, we got stared at the moment we parked and got in line for tickets.

You passed through a glass and steel building to enter the zoo. Gift shops, expensive restaurants for the big donors. You could smell the steak and lobster.

In the zoo proper, Quana stared at a map of the park. "Any more thoughts about how we're going to have this wedding, my dear fiancee?"

Feeling an irritating tingle, I scratched a spot on my leg. Fleas? More hair growing in? I just didn't know. "Some...Speaking of which, do you know they hold weddings here?"

"That sounds neat." She paused. "But I think we should marry at a church."

I frowned. Having a normal wedding with an alien would be like going to Idaho to eat carrots. "Okay. I just thought that would be sort of dull and ordinary."

"Not for me."

"That's true. Not for you. It's probably too expensive to have a wedding here anyway."

She gave me a light jab. "I thought you didn't like zoos."

"It's better when I'm on the other side of the bars!...What are we going to do with our tails?"

"Do?"

"Are we going to hide our tails, or just leave them hanging out?"

"Good question." She paused. "I'll be wearing a dress, so it won't matter if my tail is hanging loose under it."

I scratched the itchy spot again. I already had a body covered in fur, I really didn't need any extra hair..."Yeah, but I'd have to ruin a tuxedo, and they're expensive."

"Did you want to have bri-quisdor at the wedding? If we just use rings, you won't have to damage your rental."

I wrinkled my brow. "What's bri-quisdor?"

"The thing Nabal tried to put my tail into, when I got forced into that wedding?"

"Oh! The tail yoke thing?"

"Guep. Nobody said we had to use it. It's up to you."

"So...you just want a regular earth wedding, and that's it?"

"What do you mean `that's it? This is the most exciting thing I've ever done! It should be for you, too."

"It is." I shook my head. On Next Generation, Troi and Riker got married in the nude. Now that is alien.

"Is there a problem?"

"Nah, forget it."

"No, Matt. We should discuss this. This is your day, too."

"I don't know. I was just hoping for something more alien. At least dress up in Star Trek uniforms or something."

"You'll get to see a lot of alien weddings once you're living with us."

"I know, but it's not the same as being the center of the alien wedding with your alien wife."

Quana gave me a weak smile. "You know, we don't exactly have a heakga handy. Someone would have to bring it all the way to earth. That's...just not practical." She rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "I'm considering the Star Trek outfits...You think your parents would approve?"

I groaned. "Probably...not."

"Keep thinking. We still have time..." She leaned in close. "Matt, I'm still worried. How is your human wumloq? Are you still in pain?"

My face flushed red. Did normal human guys have these kinds of discussions with their fiancee? It seemed more appropriate for after the honeymoon. "I'm trying to ignore the pain. It seems to be going away a little."

Quana lowered her voice. "Do you think it still...functions?"

"I...don't know."

She put an arm around me. "Matt, even if we can't have a child, there's something called a celibate marriage. I read that one of your saints did this to bring people to Christ. Perhaps we can do this as well."

It felt like my heart had just sunk to the pit of my stomach. "I guess we could...I mean, if it comes to that." In a whisper, I added, "Nobody has to know anything's wrong."

Quana nodded.

We walked to a building where four legged orange things with striped tails hung from the branches like sloths, their shiny black eyes staring dully in the distance.

Quana gazed through the bars. "So this is what red pandas look like."

I frowned at the bear-like creatures, thinking about my own imprisonment. When one made eye contact with me, something like an understanding passed between us, like a prisoner regarding a paroled cell mate. "Yep."

My itching had gotten worse. Now a larger area had become inflamed and irritated. What was this? Bedbugs? Hayajvis? Fleas? I'd only been around that dog a few minutes!

"Matt, I don't know how to phrase this delicately: Do you have fleas?...Or those mites humans get in private areas?"

Ugh! Lice would be just as horrible as bedbugs. "I hope not!"

"I have some ultraviolet scanning equipment and an insect decontamination machine. You might want to use them when you get back to my house, before they spread to me and Dista."

I swallowed. "All...right."

A panda sniffed. Another stirred, making odd noises to each other. Soon the entire exhibit of red pandas awakened, crawling up close to the bars, standing in rows, their beady eyes fixed on Quana.

"How cute!"

I stared in amazement. "They never do that!"

"Maybe I just have that special charm."

I smirked. "I know you definitely charmed me..." Just like me to make stupid jokes when I'm terrified. "You've got something."

The birds cohabiting the panda cage also went on alert, flapping across the area, landing near the bars, staring at us from the sides of their heads.

The creatures sniffed at Quana, following her as she walked past the end of the cage.

I could only stand and watch with my eyes bulging. "This is insane! I've never seen that happen in all my life!"

In addition to the animals, children and their parents kept staring at us with their mouths open, some muttering to one another.

I frowned and looked away. "How do we get a hold of one of these tail yoke things for the wedding?" I mostly said this because I was scared.

"Don't worry about that. I'm the one that's supposed to buy that anyway...in addition to the proposing."

"Okay, so why did you make me do the proposing then?"

She blushed green. "You're human. I didn't know how you'd react. Plus there were those biological questions, and, and, I was scared you'd say no."

"So you can get one of those things and bring it to earth for the wedding?"

Quana scrunched up her face. "You really want to show everyone in your church that you've got a tail?"

"I dunno...I thought it would be nice to illustrate that we're yoked together."

She nodded, her eyes widening. "Nalah. Gacxacva de Abreya."

"My coat, my tail, and just about everything else is Abreya, so why not my heart?"

Quana positively glowed at the comment.

I scratched myself again. By now, parts of my skin had become sore from all the itching.

"You definitely need to check that out. If you've got bugs, I don't want to catch them."

"I will. Sorry to ruin the moment."

"It's okay. Neither one of us is perfect."

"They're going to expect us to have actual wedding rings. What am I going to do? I'm broke."

Quana smiled. "It's a little unorthodox, but I actually asked mom to get an artisan to make us a pair. They're beautiful. They have wusus and other designs on them."

"You said the female generally is the one who proposes. It doesn't make me feel any less inadequate."

"Then imagine you're the female getting the ring and act accordingly...Unless you actually want to work to earn it."

"I'm not in the practice of crying tears of joy, but I'm grateful that you'd do this for me and aren't judgmental about it."

"We're just repurposing existing gold from the palace. Don't feel guilty."

Got a weird reception at the the tiger exhibit, too. The great cats hopped down from their boulders, climbed down from their branches, sitting on their haunches like dogs before the fencing. They stared us with unusual curiosity and unnatural stillness, sniffing with puzzled expressions.

Again, the `fellow prisoner' look. "This is unsettling. Why are the animals acting like that?"

"I don't know, maybe it's because they've never seen my species before? Maybe we're like an exhibit to them."

I laughed. "That's a refreshing change!"

"I saw them looking at you, too."

We passed some orangutans. These also poked the glass and stared at us.

Quana smiled and spread her arms like, `Enjoy the show.'

The zoo had an immense bird cage for a number of their feathery acquisitions. Beautiful simulated rainforest with a waterfall and jungle-like foliage. As we walked along, groups of them would flap down and stare at us.

We took a seat on a bench, taking everything in. Quana, smiling, rested her head on my shoulder...still seemed a bit worried about me.

A bird with bright blue plumage flapped its wings in our faces, landing on Quana's lap. It pranced back and forth from there, bobbing its head, staring at her. Quana tried to pet it, but it flew away.

"I kinda hesitate to mention this, Quana, but I used to read a lot of books about alien abductions...and this kind of stuff happens from time to time...if there's any truth to them."

She only scoffed and pointed to an educational display. Something about birds and their mating dances. Quana traced the pattern with her feet, gesturing for me to join the dance. We made fools of ourselves, but we had fun.

Weirdly romantic. Although she giggled, and I kept grinning, Quana got this serious look on her face, her face flushing green. "I can see why birds do this. Come here, you...sexy hot hunk of a..." Quana read the sign. "Ostrich."

"An ostrich," I corrected, bird dancing up to her.

Grinning, she wrapped her arms around me, kissed me on the lips, tongue splitting around mine.

I attempted to tongue wrestle, but parts of her tongue kept eluding me, causing her to giggle through her nose. It became more involved, our hands wandering around each other's bodies.

Shooting pain between my legs made me think twice about doing anything further.

Quana pointed down a nearby trail. "What's over there?"

I stared. "Not sure. I don't think we've gone that way yet."

She giggled, her face stilll flushed a bright green.

They arranged the zoo in zones themed after different countries. The trail took us to a simulated bushland, kangaroos hopping around loose and free. The animals sniffed us like we carried food.

Further along we found a simulated Aussie sheep farm/petting zoo. Quana found it all fascinating. "Jesus said we were like these things?"

We petted the animals, took turns feeding them, discussed some rather obvious religious symbolism.

The place also had a mock-up of a classic Aussie farm home. Neat place to look around, but at this point, I had another stabbing pain between the legs. I let out a small scream, falling to my knees on their fancy old woven rug.

Quana rushed to my side. "What's wrong?"

"It's...like something's trying to go inside out!"

She swallowed. "Really?"

"Uh-huh."

Quana frowned. "I really think you should see a doctor about that."

The pain made me snap at her. "What kind of doctor do you suggest I see? I'm not exactly normal anymore. I can't just go to the local clinic!" I hissed in pain, slowly staggering to my feet.

Quana put an arm around me, leaning in close. "Matt, I know you're bashful, but I need you to be more descriptive of what exactly is going on with you. I'm not a doctor, but I know something about Abreya biology, and I want to help."

My face and ears burned with embarrassment. "Ummm...my human wumloq...It's...it doesn't look right. I've got...growths."

"Does your wumloq look, you know, like a human's?"

I gulped. "Um...I don't know."

"How could you not know? It's in your pants! Do you need to go to the bathroom and check?"

I shook my head. "Look...I...there was something growing over...it, okay?"

"I don't know what that means." She glanced back and forth to check if we had an audience. "I thought all Jews were supposed to be circumcised!"

I tugged on my collar. The old style building didn't have A/C, and all this humiliating talk didn't help. "I am! I mean, I was! It's—"

Quana looked disgusted, her face turning a shade of green I'd never seen before. "It's growing back?"

I smacked my forehead. My face couldn't get any more red. "No no no!" I waved my hands like I were swatting the erroneous thoughts from her mind. "Something else! Something else!"

She gawked at me. "I don't understand."

"Well that makes two of us!"

We stared at each other in shocked silence for a minute.

"I can't even get a good look at it because it's got a covering! And no, I can't remove it!"

The color faded from Quana's face. "Well...Where should we go next?"

A blocky concrete building stood up the trail. Australian animals. I held the door open for Quana.

"Why do you do that? You did the same thing at the restaurant."

"What, holding open the door? I did that for you lots of times."

"I...know," she stammered. "But I'm curious as to why."

"It's what earth males do for women. Ladies first. It's a custom. Go in."

"Oh."

"Funny, you never seemed to complain before."

She turned a bit green. "I...I don't know. Thank you, gentleman."

"Let me guess. Ladies hold the door for men on Pathilon."

She made a face that said yes.

Groundhogs, birds, exotic squirrels, meerkats. A kookaburra. The usual `animal attraction' occurred. We waved to the creatures, and, weirdly enough, they waved back.

"Quana...You...think God's trying to tell us something?"

She bit her lip. "I'm certain of it, but I don't know what it means. Except maybe we have Ponai's blessing?"

"And then He kicks me in the crotch."

Quana furrowed her brow. "Like I said, I don't know what it means."

The building had a play slide for kids, that connected to the lower floor. Quana jumped down the thing with a giggle. People stared at me, but I followed her down.

Quana gazed the koala exhibit. The lazy creatures hung from the tree branches like lumps, barely awake, but Quana didn't lose interest, her eyes filled with wonderment. "Nalah! They're so big! I've never seen them more than an inch tall!"

"They're koalas."

"Wow. Where are their tails?"

"See that little thing on its back?"

"Oh! Did they `crop' them or something?"

"No."

"The wabzer has a tail twice its body length, and it's notorious for being one of the fastest creatures on the planet."

"Huh. I doubt these could outrun a sloth."

Quana chuckled. "At least they're not staring at us."

"Give them time."

We moved on to a parrot exhibit. The birds did congregate at the glass.

Feeling another stabbing sensation below the belt, I gripped a nearby railing until it passed.

Quana put her hand on my shoulder. "You're certain that no earth doctor can help you?"

I gave a nervous laugh. "Maybe Doctor Who, if he existed. I can't think of anyone else who would be appropriate."

She rolled her eyes. "I wish we had a Sarpuzic specialist we could take you to, but we're on the wrong planet, and I don't even know if that's what you need."

I took a deep breath, straightening myself. "There's nothing we can do about it. Let's just try to have fun, okay?"

"Fine." Quana didn't look ready to have fun, though.

The macaws, the meerkats and other critters...absolutely fascinated in us.

"I've never seen these guys so close and lively before."

"We definitely are blessed. Maybe it's a sign about the mission?"

A toucan nodded at just the right time, as if God answered us.

The animals went back to normal after that, the toucan flapping quietly to a secluded branch.

My eyes bulged, my heart thundering in my chest. Never before had I gotten a sign like this.

Quana clutched my hand. We stared at each other for a moment, then nervously laughed.

"Should we...mention this to anyone?"

I shook my head. "I...Don't know. A girl once told me she was going to marry some guy just because she saw a truck with his name on it driving by. Maybe...keep this under your hat for awhile."

Had to explain the expression to her.

Quana frowned. "Are you saying we should just...ignore what just happened?"

"No, but miracles are only the face on God's compass, that kinda show if you're on the right track. Scripture is the compass needle you actually need to pay attention to."

Quana gaped at me for a moment, then rapidly typed on her communicator. "Wow! The C.S. Lewis of Pathilon!"

I accepted the praise with some embarrassment. I mean, Lewis wasn't exactly Saint Paul or an Apostle, but those are some huge shoes to fill.

She shivered a little, then pointed to a toucan, perhaps just to break the awkward silence. "We have something like this on my planet, but ours have snouts."

I gestured to a lemur. "What about that one?"

"I've never seen those before. They look really strange."

I scoffed. "And here I thought Pathilon had everything we had."

"You have a lot of things we don't have. Cows, sheep, definitely not sheep...horses..."

We stopped to see a `live animal show'. You know, where the docent shows kids a bunch of semi-domesticated creatures up close and personal.

"Wow!" Quana exclaimed as she ran her hand along the scales of a yellow boa constrictor. "I've never seen one so tiny!"

"Tiny? Are you kidding? That one's got to be at least eight feet!"

The docent probably would have corrected me about the size, but the woman had been talking to a kid about the boa's feeding habits at the time.

"Only eight feet?"

She looked dead serious. I swallowed, wondering if it were such a good idea to stay on her planet. "Where...are...these...giant snakes of yours, exactly?"

Quana put a hand on my shoulder. "We flew through a forest of them on the way to the Takofuea. Didn't want to tell you or it would have made you more scared."

Remembering my trip to the alien monastery, I paled.

The docent showed us some other stuff, a large peacock that pranced around the stage, a hawk, an African grey crowned crane, an owl. None of the animals stared at us like the others did previously.

When Quana heard that the owl's eyes were bigger than its brain, she grinned, muttering to me. "Sounds like a Wusu."

"Nice," I muttered.

They kept most the primates in a big crown shaped building, surrounded by a moat. My stomach flip-flopped as I watched the creatures playing on their tire swings and other playthings. Flashbacks, you know.

It had been hot outside, but not much cooler inside the building...and it smelled like a primate's restroom.

Quana wrinkled her nose. "Lovely."

In one enclosure, a chimp tried to reach something inside a big cardboard tube and got its arm stuck, then tried to shove a sheet in there. Quana giggled at it.

At first, I laughed, but then I started thinking about how they put an alien Rubik's Cube in my cell, and how funny I probably looked. The room, light colored and drab like my cell, brought back even more unpleasant memories.

Quana gave me an apologetic glance, tugging my hand. "C'mon. Let's look at another exhibit."

I shot her a pained look.

She gave me a half smirk. "I'm sorry. Maybe this was a bad idea."

"No," I stammered. "I..."

"You what?"

"I...this is a good thing, I think. It gets me to um...face my demons or something." I frowned at the chimp. "I almost feel sorry for those creatures now."

"Maybe you could become a zookeeper or something. Zoos need people who care about how they feel."

"I tried applying for that once. Didn't work. Anyway, your mother's given me a job at the palace. I think I'm much better off doing that, whatever it entails."

Quana nodded. "You'll make a good servant. And a good minister. It'll be cute to see you in uniform."

I reddened.

Next came the gorilla exhibit, big apes loping about behind the glass in a gray building. Some stepped up to the window to get near the air conditioning while others picked bugs off each other. I sat down and stared at them, swallowing as I again contemplated my imprisonment. Quana put her arm around me.

"Did you ever think of me being like those things?"

"No, you have a cuter butt."

"Speaking of which," I whispered. "I really liked the way yours looked when you wore that Gleenpatch dance outfit. I made myself look away when I was crawling behind you in tunnels, but I liked what I saw."

Her cheeks flushed green. "I will see if I can find another one...for you to admire."

I grinned. "As long as it's not too difficult to obtain."

Quana gave me a mischievous smirk.

We crossed a set of bridges, arriving at a scaled down version of the African Serenghetti, gazing at the animals, the rhino, the gazelle, the giraffe and others. "There. That's better, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Those buildings made me clausterphobic."

Quana looked at the map. "You think you're up to looking at the lion exhibit? It's in a..."

"A box. Yeah. That's fine. I need to get over my past."

We entered a concrete building, holding hands as we sat on a bench overlooking a lounging lion and and its harem of females.

"Quana, if you, I mean, your mother, left me in a cage like that lion has, I mean, if she never released me, would I have gotten an open enclosure like that? Or would it all be in a building?"

"I'm not sure. I think it would be open. Why?"

I frowned. "I don't know."

None of the creatures seemed to be interested in us. Our strange `animal magnetism' seemed to have abruptly stopped.

"Do you think there's an Abreya working jere? Somewhere? You know, explaining why—"

Quana shook her head. "You saw how abruptly that bird changed its behavior. It was almost like they were under a spell. Morgan would have told me if there were other Abreyas in the city. I don't see how that could be the reason for the weird reactions. I'm telling you it's a sign!"

"Hmm."

We left the ape house, walking down to the hippo enclosure.

Quana stared as the massive creatures rolled in mud, lazily dived into a pool. "Your parents are really nice. I wouldn't mind having them as in-lawers."

I smiled. "In laws."

"Yeah. Those."

The elephant exhibit didn't seem to have any on display, presumably hidden in foliage or in some giant warehouse elsewhere in the park. We continued on, across a bridge, to a faux African village.

Quana pointed to a boat tour. "Hey, let's go on that!"

"Sure. Why not."

We boarded a small motorboat idling on a dock at a lagoon.

Ignoring the staring passengers, Quana squeezed my hand, looking at the giraffes as we waited for the tour to begin. "I've been wondering...On TV, zoos always have bars surrounding the animals."

"This zoo tries to match the natural habitat. Sort of. I admit some of them are basically old style cages with a few twigs stuck in them..." I frowned. "During all the time you've been on earth, you've never been to a zoo?"

She shook her head. "I thought it too risky."

"Risky as enrolling in college?"

"I don't know. It just didn't appeal to me at the time."

"You seem surprised. Is this better than your zoos?"

She burst out laughing.

"I'll take that as a no."

Quana fell silent, seeming to be lost in thought as she gazed at me. I wondered if it were the same reason why she didn't like to see me stuck in an alien zoo, but didn't say it. "I...guess I never went to the zoo because I was busy."

"Doing what?"

Quana turned a bit green. "Stuff. I don't know. I just didn't."

The tour guide got on the boat, and we puttered around a lagoon inside the animal enclosures.

Wildebeests sat like a lump in a mud pit while the giraffes stood like statues near a clump of barren trees. Gazelle and zebras posed lifelessly in small groups, a few of them breaking off from the pack to forage or lay down. A muted, indistinct voice droned on about something through the boat's tinny speakers, the particulars, muffled by the rumble of the boat, the churning water, and the careless jabbering of other passengers.

Bleep! The sound of Twinkie from Buck Rogers. I grinned, looking around for the owner of the ringtone.

Quana pulled out her communicator, staring at the screen. "Dusaq, Keith! How are you? Kreah dutioteb?"

I didn't see anything but a photo of my friend on the device. He seemed to be using a regular phone.

"Ummm..." My friend stammered. "Is it okay if I go over and hang out with Dista awhile?"

Quana chuckled. "That sounds like something you should be asking Dista."

Not a great place to be doing calls, with the noise of the boat and the tour guide and such. "What?"

"I said ask Dista!"

"Yeah? Well, she's not answering."

She held the phone to her mouth. "Try again. She could be shopping or taking a shower."

"Can I just go over there and wait?"

"Sure. Knock yourself out."

"What about your dangerous alarm system?"

"I'll shut it off for you and send her a message." She pushed some buttons on the device.

"Thank you. Have a nice date!"

"Umuacik. You too."

Quana put the communicator away. "That was weird."

I chortled, tried to get something out of the tour guide's speech. Every once and awhile, words like `lion', african' and `enclosure' could be made out, but the rest got buried in noise. I gave up trying.

Quana, though, laughed and smiled at what the guy said, I asked her to clarify, but she just said `shhh', and a minute or two went by before she finally explained what had been said, pointing at the animals.

The guide went silent for awhile.

Quana squeezed my hand. "Matt...I know this should have been said a long time before now...but I'm sorry."

I stared. "For what? This doesn't have anything to do with the wedding, does it? You're not calling it off, are you?"

"No, no. That's not it at all...I'm...sorry for calling you a liar at the Takofuea. You were telling the truth about your visions and God and everything, and I never believed you."

I shook my head. I'd pretty much forgotten about all that at this point. "Oh that's all! It's okay. I forgive you...Um, Quana, I was thinking about the hotel. I mean, when we get married...I was thinking, you know, that...um..."

Her cheeks got a green tint, like she expected to hear something dirty. "Yes?"

"I mean, this is probably obvious to other people that have gotten married before, but we kinda got to think about it..."

She rolled her eyes. "We got time to think about the location."

"No, I mean, logistically...well, we could...maybe, possibly get two rooms, but then I thought, well, we are getting married, so..."

Quana giggled, her face tinting a little more green. "Well I assume it is only proper for...one to...share a bed in this sort of situation..."

"But, well, I mean, before the wedding, though...you know, I mean...before we actually have it..."

"They say it's not good for the broom to see the bride before the wedding."

I nodded. "Right...So, I mean, we could...get, maybe get rooms for your...parents and mine, and then...we could sort of share with them until we actually are married...A double bed arrangement for both our parents?"

"It would make it more convenient for preening (you know, like if, say, your mother decides to make you look extra...nice, or something.)"

I grinned. "Yeah. Good point."

"Where is that church again?"

"You know, now that you mention it, since it's so close, we could potentially stay at our separate houses until..."

"Okay, well, that's settled, at least..."

Turtles bobbed their heads out of the water, ducking away as the boat approached.

Quana glanced out the back. "I'd like to stick my feet in there. It looks cool."

"That might not be a very good idea. No offense, but you've got ape feet."

"Ape feet!" Her face flushed green again. "How am I not supposed to be offended by that!"

The other passengers stared at us more.

My turn to look embarrassed. "Would it help if I said they were sexy ape feet?"

She laughed and elbowed me. "Yes, but only because a sexy ape would know."

"Anyways, all I'm saying is, let's not draw attention to ourselves."

"You're right. We might get stared at." She chuckled. "It's a shame your feet are still human looking. I would have loved to foot wrestle."

We rumbled by rhino and other animals in a simulated desert, then we reached the opposite end of the lagoon, disembarking among a crush of people.

I waded through elbowing, jostling people, to Quana, grabbing her hand.

When I accidentally brushed her wrist, an electric tingle ran through my body, something that caused sensations of pain between my legs.

I glanced at Quana, a blush rising on my cheeks. She met my eyes at the same exact time, looking ashamed and green faced.

I gulped. "I..."

Quana gaped at her. "You felt that?"

I swallowed. "I...don't know what I felt."

Her face took on a greener hue. "Thats...interesting."

"Quana, I—"

"Don't. It's perfectly natural."

"Not for me."

Quana smiled and shook her head. "It's okay. It's...like kissing."

I let out a small chuckle, too embarrassed to say anything.

She shrugged it off, nodding toward the plank.

We hastily stepped on land, releasing each other's hands double quick as we darted away from the crowd, each casting the other uncomfortable glances.

"You actually felt that."

"Yeah."

Quana whispered a prayer of thanks. "Matt, maybe your human wumloq is still functional, after all."

"Maybe..." I scratched my chest. Although I hadn't picked up on it, I'd been itching up and down the sides of my rib cage several times during the date. I didn't know why bugs targeted me there, in such an orderly configuration around my body.

Quana wrinkled her nose. "Matt, if you give me Hayajvis, I'm going to kill you."

I looked inside my shirt. "Quana, I don't see anything moving. I think it's some kind of allergic reaction to a detergent or something."

We took a boardwalk down to an aquarium. Fish, alligators, gars, and other aquatic lifeforms.

Quana peered at the dully drifting alligators. "It's funny to see them underwater like this, without wings."

"I'm glad I don't know what you're talking about. They're mean enough as it is."

"Matt, do you think it would be a good idea to call up mister..." She took out a business card. "Mr. Jamison over or ask him if he wants to have a bible study?"

I blinked. "Who?"

"The man who tried to hire me as a costume designer for the his TV show?"

I wrinkled my brow. "I'm...not really sure about that. I guess if you want to do that, you might want to come in the costume you wore at the convention."

Although overpriced, we stopped to buy bottles of water, due to the heat. About this time, we'd also decided we'd seen just about everything in the zoo anyway, so rode a tram back to the entrance.

Kind of a long walk across the parking lot to the car. When I finally reached the driver's side door, ripples of agonizing pain and inappropriate pleasure radiated from between my legs simultaneously. A wave of nausea rippled through my stomach, my knees buckled, and...I upchucked.

"Matt!" Quana cried. "Are you okay?"

I wiped my mouth. "Ugh. Yeah. Sorry. I...think it's the heat."

She frowned at the mess I'd made on the hood. "Are you sure you want to go out?"

"Like I said. It's probably just the heat. Once we're in an air conditioned building, drinking ice water, I'll be fine." I dry heaved, but then my innards seemed to calm down at this point.

She wiped the hood with a handkerchief. "I hope so."

"You don't have to do that," I protested.

"It's okay, just get in the car and put on the air conditioner."

I drove us out the front gate. "Sorry I ruined our date. That was totally unromantic."

"I believe the vows that I'm about to read have something to do with sickness and health?"

I sighed, giving her an apologetic smile.

"What happens at an impound lot?"

I explained the particulars.

"You think my car is still at the hotel?"

"Are you kidding? It's been months!"

"If I retrieved it from the lot, you think it'd be fixable?"

"I remember transmission fluid and oil pouring out all over the parking lot, so probably no."

Family Dragon buffet: Not the most romantic place you could take someone on a date. Ugly green exterior that needed to be repainted, and the interior hadn't been remodeled in ages. The interior didn't look much better, scrawled graffiti on the interior hallway. At least the restaurant itself looked decent.

Keith and I ate there all the time, so I didn't find the Chinese trappings that fascinating, but Quana liked the brush paintings, and played with the maneki neko.

A cheery fifty year old lady greeted us at the register. Sook Kyoung, our favorite waitress. "Hello again! Buffet as usual?"

I nodded.

The woman grinned, exposing wrinkles that creased the other ones you'd see when she wasn't smiling. "Is this your girlfriend?"

I nodded. "Fiancee."

The woman's narrow eyes widened in surprise. "Wow! You don't mess around!" She burst out laughing.

I chuckled and rolled my eyes.

"How often do you eat here?" Quana whispered.

"Umm...a fair bit."

"Table for two?"

"Yes."

The woman smirked. "It is hot outside! Why the hot clothes?"

"Umm..."

"Are you sick?"

I frowned. Not a great idea, telling a person at a buffet that you're sick. "We were unloading a trailer full of ice cream."

"Oh!" Sook laughed. "Got any bargains?"

Quana shook her head. "Sorry."

Sook led us to our table, and we went out to serve ourselves.

As I dropped crab rangoon on my plate with a pair of tongs, I caught Quana sticking her hand in a tray of noodles, dropping handfuls onto her plate. I pulled her hands away.

"Quana..." I pointed to the tongs. "Use these."

"Why?"

"Health code regulation. Haven't you eaten at a buffet before?"

Quana frowned. "So that's why people kept staring at me when I ate at buffets." She picked up the tongs. "I thought these were just a cultural thing. Like chopsticks."

I just groaned.

I set a plate full of crawdads on my side of the table, staring at what Quana had put together: A giant stack of vanilla cookies floating in her egg drop soup, and General Tso's chicken oozing all over her bowl of ice cream.

My stomach lurched a little. I forced a smile, thinking I'd tasted worse on her planet.

Quana gestured to the crawdads. "Can't get enough Igwat Zacad?"

I shook my head. "I prefer these. At least they don't taste like liver."

"Yeah, but they're really tiny!"

I pointed to her food. "`It all ends up in the same place?'"

She nodded, staring at a golf game on a nearby TV.

Bleep! Quana took out her communicator again. "Dista?"

Her servant rattled off something quickly.

"Gip'm." Quana put the device away.

I raised an eyebrow. "Now what?"

"They're going to something called...Renfest."

I chuckled. "Hip hip huzzah."

Blank stare. I had to explain the joke.

"So they dress up in armor and old clothes?"

"Yeah, I thought about taking you there, but, I dunno, it's kind of a big expensive flea market."

I opened my mouth to explain a flea market, but she blurted, "I've been to a few flea markets. I know there aren't any fleas there."

I seemed to still have an appetite, despite the earlier stomach upset...and looking at Quana's dinner. "You know, we should go to Morgans and go swimming. We do have a lot of catching up to do."

Quana grinned. "That's actually a great idea. She has some equipment that we might use to check you out. We're not really doing anything else anyway."

It seemed unusually hot in that restaurant. I tugged on my shirt collar a bit, but then realized I risked exposing my secret to the other customers. I tucked the fur back into my turtleneck. "Quana, do you think it's hot in here?"

"Not really. The air conditioner is actually raised a bit high, so it's quite comfortable. Why?"

"I don't know. It just feels...hot. Maybe I'm coming down with something." I didn't mention how it reminded me of the thing people describe as a `hot flash'. I emptied a glass of soda, crunched the ice.

Quana frowned. "If we don't find anything out at Morgan's place, maybe we can get one of our doctors and get you checked."

"Yes. Definitely. I'm a little tired of this."

The look on her face, and the speed in which she had said it indicated she had something more pressing on her mind. "Matt, are you positively okay with a celibate marriage?"

I laughed. "Quana, if we...do stuff in bed, it's technically not celibate, even if we can't have children."

Her cheeks colored a little green at the comment. "But you're okay with that."

"Quana..." I barely had the courage to say the next part aloud. "You're the only one I want."

She blushed. "Me too..." She glanced around conspiratorially, then leaned in close, whispering to me. "Matt, I know you told me...you had growths. Do you think you're mutating? Again?"

I rolled my eyes. "I don't know! Maybe? I can't tell what this is, so I can't tell you if it's...whatever you want, or if some space leech decided to stick itself on my crotch!" I sighed. "But you're still okay with marrying me? Even if we can't have kids, or my...equipment no longer functions?"

"I'm the one who suggested the celibate marriage." Quana rolled her ring around her finger, tugged on it, as if considering its removal. "Are you okay with it?"

I gave her a vigorous nod, gingerly grasped her fingers in such a way to avoid brushing wrists. "I meant what I said when I proposed to you. I love you. If God wants to make this work, He'll make it work. If not...I don't want to be with anyone else."

"Even if we're never parents?"

"Lots of people marry and don't have kids for various reasons. Like impotence."

"And you're definitely okay with that?"

I squeezed her hand. "Yes."

Quana let out a puppy dog whimper, dabbing at her eyes. "I had this thought of maybe living in the same house like a family, but, maybe setting you up with a human girl, so you can have kids, but..." She put my hand to her chest. "I don't want to either."

"We'll still have the church."

We silently looked into each other's eyes.

"You know, if God made me turn into this, I'm sure there will be a way."

Quana gazed at me in admiration. "Sometimes I think your faithful commitment to God is what I find most attractive about you. You're an inspiration. Even with all these sad things going on, you still have such an optimistic outlook about everything."

"Surely that's not all you find attractive!"

She turned a little green. "I did say sometimes. You are very cute, and I enjoy your sense of humor...It's not every day that a male gets on the communicator and flashes his chest and tail at the princess of Bencap."

I blushed. "I only did that because I didn't have those things before."

"I know." Quana cleared her throat. "I...just...didn't know I felt that way about you before. I suppose I had ideas, but..." She pantomimed fanning herself.

I snickered.

We finished eating.

Quana stood up. "Well, thank you for the nice dinner."

"No problem." I itched a spot on my chest that I'd been scratching previously, and the heat seemed to go up a notch. I couldn't bring myself to think about what that meant.

"What should we do now?"

"What's Morgan doing?"

Quana stroked her chin. "I'm not sure what her course load is like this semester. It's difficult to say."

"Well let's go back to your place in the meantime. Maybe I'll take a cold shower or something."

Quana rested her chin in her palm, staring at me thoughtfully.

"What."

"What's it look like?"

"What's what look like?"

"The thing. What you said was growing over your, um, reproductive organ."

"I already told you."

"Yeah, but I still can't picture what you're talking about."

"It's some kind of shell. What, you want me to draw you a picture or something?"

Quana gave me a look like she might.

I rubbed my face. "This is so embarrassing. Even if I had a pen, I'm not sure I'd be able to diagram it correctly. It's a cocoon." I shook my head. "Forget it."

Quana looked away for a moment, lost in thought. After an entire minute of silent contemplation, she returned her gaze to me. "Let's go. I'll call Morgan on the way."

I drove us back to the highway, Quana chattering in Wava with my college professor for several minutes. At last she shut the device off.

"Matt, thank you for the date. Minus the barfing, it was wonderful, and you couldn't help that. Really, I had a good time, and I'm sorry."

"I'm glad you liked it. What I've shown you is all pretty lame in comparison to everything you've shown me."

"That's okay. I love the humbleness of it all."

"I'd hold your hand if it didn't make me feel so...so.."

A mischievous look crossed her face. "Pleased?"

"Yeah."

She nodded. "It can wait. I don't want to cause an accident." I felt her eyes bearing down on me. "It's odd that you can feel something...like that...if you..."

"I don't know, Quana. I'd have to inject the site with some kind of numbing agent before I can even peel the thing off and see...what's...down there...And maybe it's not supposed to come off."

We drove in silence for a few minutes.

"Matt, if you had a choice, would you go through it all again? You know, the whole adventure that got us here?"

"Absolutely. I mean, I mean, life would be easier if I hadn't changed into this fuzzy thing, but, well, it's growing on me." Okay, that last part sounded stupid. "I meant, I'm not minding it as much as I did, and I still have you."

Quana smiled. "I'm glad you still want to be my wife."

"Me too...And the word is `husband,' Quana."

We both chuckled, but she also gave me a weird look...like wife had been the correct term.

I stared vacantly at a U-Hault in the lane ahead of me. "Maybe God's telling me something. I mean, sex isn't all there is to a marriage, or love. Maybe He's making me step back and think about it."

"I agree. Maybe you'll be a new man when we get through all of this."

I drove on, silently contemplating my future. It was strange to think I wouldn't be driving that road for a long, long time, maybe forever.

I drove up an exit ramp. Well, no, I thought. I guess I'd come back during the holidays...How are we going to schedule that anyway? I silently contemplated the situation for a few minutes.

"You've been quiet," said Quana.

"Yeah, I got a lot of stuff to think about." I frowned at the horizon. "One problem is the situation with family get togethers. I don't even know how we'd not be late to them."

"We can figure that out later."

"I guess you're right. But it does seem like a lot of things are tying me down to earth, and I really don't belong here."

"I know how you feel."

I stared at her for a second. "I guess you're one of the few that do."

"Your parents weren't what I expected."

I chuckled. "What exactly were you expecting?"

"I...something different, I guess. Maybe someone more Jewish, or...I don't know."

"Quana, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, Matt. You can ask me anything."

I grinned. "Wow. I like the sound of that! Well, I've been wondering about something. I mean, you guys, you Abreyas...I mean, you lay eggs, and, well, I've never heard of a chicken or any bird giving milk to its young. At most they regurgitate food for them. So...why do Abreyas lactate?"

"It's not exactly the same. It's...more like a human womb with a shell. When the baby is developed and out, it still needs to...nurse."

That silenced me for several minutes. I drove on, mind awash with science fictiony birthing scenarios. I smiled, despite myself.

She let out a laughing snort. "You're trying to imagine it, aren't you?"

I laughed. "Is it that obvious?"

"I've got a few things I've been wondering about myself."

I raised an eyebrow. "I guess we're both in for some surprises."

She grinned, switching on the radio. She had me explain the songs and commercials...All the way to her house.

"Matt, are your parents always that nice?"

I scoffed. "It depends. They're human. They get angry from time to time. Nobody's perfect."

As Quana stepped through her front door, I stopped at the porch.

"What? What is it now?"

I shook my head. "Nothing."

She again looked worried. "What's going on with your body now?"

"It's not that. It's just...I keep feeling like...Like this wedding is something I should involve my...biological mother in. But it's awkward since we don't talk."

"I don't know what to say, Matt."

I followed her through the house and down into her spaceship without a word. We didn't find her servant there.

"I hope Dista kept herself busy while we were out," Quana said. "Perhaps we should check on them." She made a call on her communicator.

After a minute's chat, she shut off the device.

"Still at the Renfest?"

She nodded. "They're watching a show where they juggle fire."

"Okay, let's go see if Morgan can help me...and let us use her pool." I stepped into the storage room, searching the cabinets for my swimming trunks.

"They're back at the palace," Quana said from the door hatch. "Besides, your tail wouldn't fit anyway."

"I could still cut a pair open. Would you mind buying me a pair at a store real quick?"

Quana grinned. "I have a better idea: I brought along something special for you to wear."

I rolled my eyes. "How special?"

"You'll see," she said in a sing-song voice.

I blushed. "You know Morgan is going to see it too, whatever it is, right?"

"You need to relax more. You're a little too bashful sometimes."

I swallowed. "I guess that's not too impossible a task..." I crossed my arms. "What about you? What are you going to wear?"

"I left an outfit at her house. It's similar to yours. You'll like it, I think."

Quana dug a tiny square plastic package out of a drawer. Something black inside. The outline of the outer package reminded me of those tiny absorption pillows that women use.

"What's that."

She dropped it in her purse. "Your swimsuit."

I shuddered. "That's not very big."

"Nope."

"Wait. What if this doesn't fit?"

"It should fit. I still have your measurements."

"You're crazy."

Quana winked. "You must like it or you wouldn't have asked for my hand in marriage."

I swallowed. "True...All right...Lets...go."

She took a deep breath. "Teaddru, I require you to perform a service for me." Quana said it all in Wava, in a tone like she had said it many times before...just not to me.

"What's a Tea Doo?"

She poked my chest playfully. "You! A palace servant. And it's teaddru."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "What kind of service?"

"Now now," Quana said in a mildly scolding tone. "You're acting like a grumpy married Earth man. You haven't even heard what it is yet."

"Sorry," I groaned, still not too thrilled by being assigned chores.

"If you speak this way to reem, I mean, mother, you won't be a palace servant for very long. Besides..." She grabbed my shoulders, brushing her lips against my cheek. "Marriage is all about us serving each other," she purred in my ear.

I gulped, biting my tongue as a sharp shooting pain stabbed through my crotch. "F-fine. What...service am I doing?"

She dropped the sexy act. "I have a hoplut full of equipment for Morgan. I need you to help me carry it up to the car."

"Great. What's a Hol Butt?"

She pulled down a wall panel the shape of an ironing board, revealing a storage chest the shape and textured exterior of a walnut, but covered in silver cubes.

With some effort, Quana tugged on a handle of the green thing, dragging it out on the floor. "Everything's already packed inside. It's a little heavy, but together we should be able to get it up there."

"Up?" I cried in disbelief. "We can't possibly lug this thing up a ladder! It'll be like a Laurel and Hardy skit!"

"What?"

Okay, so that particular crusty black and white movie wouldn't have been broadcasted into space when it was originally made, and didn't carry enough popularity to be picked up on Quana's television monitoring equipment in any significant way for her to notice it. "They had a piano moving gag. It kept falling down the stairs. They've made cartoons inspired by it."

She smirked. "Matt. We have a furniture winch."

"Oh all right..." I took a handle on the opposite end.

The object weighed as much as an industrial sized 1970's style television, if it had one of those solid oak box frames on it. I had difficulty with it, but I noticed, with some amazement, that my fiancee handled the weight like she only carried something half that size.

"Doesn't this thing have wheels?" I puffed as we slowly bore it through the outside hallway. "Maybe a miniature hovercraft?"

"Nope. Sorry."

"Can we fly it to her house instead?"

"No," Quana grunted. "We have air force bases in the area, remember?"

"But we took mom and dad on a trip!"

"That's different. We weren't trying to park and unload things."

"Can we at least push it?"

"What, and scratch up the floor?"

When we reached the exit hatch, I dropped my end, gasping for breath. "Stop!"

She laid the other down.

"You're a princess. How did you get so strong?"

Quana grinned. "I work out."

I rubbed my face. "Why doesn't this thing have a hovercraft again?"

"If anyone finds it, we want it to be confused with a movie prop. Speaking of which..." She pulled a blanket out of a drawer, throwing it over the object. "It's still a little conspicuous."

"Why don't you own a dolly?"

"I actually have one, but it's in the house."

"Well that's a great place for it!"

After resting a bit, we took the object down the outer ramp, pushed it across the dirt in the unfinished pool, then set about the tedious process of lowering a winch and hooking a carrying platform to it.

Once up top, we retrieved the aforementioned dolly and rolled the monstrous thing to the car, folding the front seats a bit forward to squeeze it into the back seat. I would have used the trunk, but the lid wouldn't shut when we tried it. With all the weight, it shocked me that the rear end didn't sag.

"Do you have your loan paperwork?" Quana asked as she belted herself in.

"Um...no. Why?"

"You're going to have a lonely car with an unpaid lease, correct?"

I swallowed. "What, you think I should just...sign it over to professor Morgan?"

"Why not?"

"Really?" Entrusting my things to Quana is one thing...

"It's okay, Matt. I trust her with everything I own, and she hasn't let me down yet."

I gulped.

"It's only when we're away from earth."

"We can pay online."

"Perhaps, but then how would you get your title?"

I frowned. You got a point. Then there's the college loan. I had trouble with the online access. Does Morgan take care of your house, too?"

"Hmm...You know, I think there's actually a property tax coming up..."

"Probably one for that totaled car, too."

"Wait here. I'll go get my things."

Between the zoo and the weight lifting, I'd done a bit of sweating. "I could shower while you're looking..."

"It won't take that long." She left the car again.

Sighing, I tilted my seat back, idly staring at the roof of the car.

A small chocolate brown face pressed against the car window. I jolted upright with a start, staring at the wide pouty lips, the hair loaded with white plastic beads. The little girl raised a Barbie doll and waved at me.

Smirking, I opened the window.

"Hi! You the boyfriend of that weird lady?"

I chuckled. "I might be! Who are you?"

"I'm Jessica." She showed me the doll. "And this is Andrea."

"Um, glad to meet you." I tried not to frown at her, but I didn't know where this chance meeting was going.

"What happened to her car?"

"She got into a wreck, so now I'm driving her."

"Oh. Is she okay?"

"Yeah, but I think she damaged her brain. She said yes when I asked her to marry me."

The girl's mouth made a large letter O. "You and her are gonna marry?"

"It looks that way!"

"You'll make a great married couple," she said in her most adult tone. "You both look a lot alike."

Then came the purpose for the visit. She held a strange looking metal object up to the window frame. "My thingy is broken. I don't know how to fix it!"

The passenger side door popped open and a pile of papers landed on the seat. "Jessica!"

My fiancee approached the girl.

"Hi, Miss Morris. Your boyfriend seems nice. Or should I say new hus-band?"

Quana laughed, pointing to what the girl held in her arms. "What have you got there?"

"Oh, it's just Andrea, and that thingy you gave me. It stopped working and I'm not sure how to fix it."

Quana dug a tool out of her purse and adjusted something on the device. "Here you go. Good as new."

"Thanks!" Jessica beamed. Then she spoke in Wava. "Congratulations on your engagement!"

"How are your parents?" Quana asked.

"Good. I got off school today, because I got sick, but I'm better now. Pappy's at work, so he doesn't know the bus dropped me off. Are you going to Aunt Morgan's house again?"

She'd said the whole thing in Quana's tongue. I assumed the device had taught her this, and wished I had been given one much earlier.

"How did you guess?"

"You have a big beach ball in the back seat."

Quana laughed. "Would you like to come along again?"

Jessica shook her head. "No maam. I don't want Pappy to whip my hide again. He'll get the big belt!"

Quana shook her head and grinned. "Then you should run along and lay in bed so he doesn't get upset."

"Okay, Miss Morris. May the everlasting tail of Ponai rest upon you." The girl marched off.

"And upon your soul." Quana waved goodbye to her.

I stared at Quana as she collected the papers and climbed into the car.

"What."

"You took her to Aunt Morgan's place?"

"She's just a kid. Human children will tell adults all sorts of fanciful stories. She found me at a weird time when I needed a good friend."

"What was that thing you gave her?"

"A translating machine. I used to need it when I first came here. It took forever to program."

"But—"

"That's why I had to write up a dictionary for you. She had the Pumfel."

"You could have taken it back!"

"It would have broken her heart!" She stared at the repairing device. "I kept wondering why I couldn't access it from my communicator when we were doing all that bible translating at the zoo, but now I know why. Somehow she had reversed the Vealma on the Soetra."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever." I turned the key in the ignition. "I guess Morgan has a shower, doesn't she?"

Quana nodded. "Guep. It's not a Luimlu, but it's very clever."

I took the car up the street, through a shopping district. "Quana, I've been wondering. Why did you cry when I first asked about the hair on your neck? I mean, you're an alien."

Quana trembled as she gazed at me. "I've been hurt before. I've been rejected." She sniffed. "I've been so lonely here..." Her voice cracked with emotion. "I tried to make friends..."

She broke into tears, sobbing about how she'd made friends with some woman who found out and hurt her feelings, and how she'd fallen in love with a man who dumped her the moment he saw her in a t-shirt. "You can understand why I didn't want to get that close."

"Too late," I chuckled. "You're close."

She gave me a soft jab to the shoulder, then kissed me on the cheek. "If this doesn't work out, you're still the best male friend I've ever had, second only to Jesus."

"Wow. I mean, wow. Nala. What, what about Syed?"

"He's third," she giggled. "Why do you want to destroy my compliment by comparing yourself to others?"

"You put me right up there with Jesus. I'm not sure I qualify for such a high honor."

"I'm talking about my heart, Matt, I wasn't talking about you taking a throne between Jesus and Saint Peter! Sheesh!"

Struck speechless, I fumbled for words I couldn't find. "I...thank you."

"It's remarkable that you just happened to be sharing two classrooms with two different Abreyas at the same school."

"What's remarkable is the fact I didn't notice you until just this year." I paused. "You know, come to think of it, I may have seen you around campus before we met. I could have been wondering about your winter clothing in the back of my mind, but forgot about it or something. Maybe."

I stopped by my apartment to pick up my loan and insurance information, and found nobody there. Keith and Dista seemed to be having a great time at the Renfest.

Searching for the paperwork took some time, so Quana occupied herself with staring at things in the room, digging through my dressers and boxes of things I hadn't bothered to collect during my previous space trip, including my DVD collection.

She waved a copy of Disney's John Carter at me. "Are you going to keep any of these?"

"Isn't that what got me into this mess in the first place?"

Quana grinned.

I raised a packet of papers triumphantly. "Got it."

We got back in the car. "So where does Morgan live?"

"On the other end of the city."

That didn't sound good to me at all. "How far on the other end?"

"It's near the school, in a neighborhood of doctors' residences."

"So how do I get there?"

We drove to the place.

Nestled in a block of expensive looking stone villas, cottages and two storey mansions, we arrived at a large property shrouded in trees and topiary. A black metal gate and an electronic security device blocked the driveway.

Quana made a call on her device, and the gate creaked open, revealing a dry fountain, approaching a grand ranch style house with a circle driveway and a short portico with white pillared columns.

Algae choked a nearby concrete pond. A disused tennis court stood nearby, one with no fence and a suspicious looking fissure running down its center.

Quana smirked. "Guess where her spaceship is."

"Um...the pond?"

"Guess again?"

"Um...stay off the court?"

She laughed.

I stared at the elegant trappings with admiring fascination. I'd say Morgan is pretty well to do, don't you think?"

"I think the expression is, `She's got her finger in a lot of fires.'"

"You mean pies."

"Huh?"

"A person puts a finger in a pie, and it's theirs because it's ruined. Get it?"

"Oh. I guess that makes more sense than putting irons in a pizza."

"Whatever. I'm dying to check this place out."

"I don't like that expression."

I only shrugged. Quana rang the doorbell.

The door swung open, revealing a tall blonde woman in an extra long bath robe that covered her neck and had a zipper running all the way to her feet. "Juzmoqo. Come in."

I grinned. "Umuachik, Professor Morgan." I followed the woman inside a tidy foyer cluttered with vases, China cabinets, framed pictures and statuary.

Once we stood on the polished wooden floor, Morgan quickly shoved the door closed, removing her robe. Beneath, the woman was decently attired, but hairy, arms covered in silky deer dappled brown and white fur poking out of a short sleeved checkerboard shirt, an explosion of cream colored fur bursting from her plunging V-neck collar. A pair of denim capris ended in more speckled brown, a sinuous spotty pink tail flopping luxuriously across the floorboards. "Ahh. That's better."

I gawked at her. When I was fully human, I probably would have stared due to her strange looks, but now...she looked pretty nice for an older Abreya.

Feeling self conscious, I glanced at myself in a big ornamental mirror. I looked bizarre in a turtleneck. I pulled the collar down.

The professor chuckled. "And how did this happen?"

"Oh? The quayhox?" Quana seemed about ready to speak on a different topic entirely. "I'm not sure. He just started growing it."

She explained how I got my fur coat and tail. As she told the story, I stepped around a window, since it appeared that everyone could see right in. I could have sworn I'd seen curtains in those same windows.

"Yes, there isn't a curtain," said Morgan. "The windows have withuk...an illusion device. Like a two way mirror, but more sophisticated. Normally when I know someone is coming, I put curtain illusions on both sides."

"Oh wow."

"Well, mi casa es su casa." Morgan led us into an an immaculate little living room with white leather furniture, short Japanese tables and Southwest Indian dance masks, art and decor. A grand piano stood in the corner. A vast window on the back wall gave us a view of a large back yard, grass unevenly trimmed.

We seated ourselves. Morgan took her place in a recliner across from me, fixing me with a cold stare. "Matt, I am an influencial woman. I would not recommend you tell anyone about anything you see in this house. If you ever tell other people about our...secret...I can make life very...difficult for you."

I swallowed. "Who am I going to tell? You saw my...quayhox. It's already difficult enough. We're all Abreyas here..." Noting the expression on my fiancee's face, I added, "Abreya-ish. Anyways, I'd only be hurting myself by telling. I just want to be friends, okay?"

Morgan's intense look vanished. "Okay."

"He's cute, isn't he?" Quana said in Wava.

Morgan laughed.

I smirked at her. "I can understand you, you know."

"So what's the rest of the story? How is it that he came with you to Pathilon in the first place? How did he find out about you?"

Quana jabbered something long to Morgan in reply. The two talked for a few minutes.

Morgan stared at me in astonishment. "You really asked her to marry you?"

"Yes."

Morgan giggled.

"What's wrong with that?"

She shook her head, laughing some more. "I think you watch too many science fiction programs."

"Exactly," Quana agreed. "Of course, so do I."

"She's interested in Jesus, she rides around in a flying saucer, and she's cute. I just had to ask."

"You always know how to pick them, Quana." Although I had explained my understanding of Wava, Morgan apparently was used to speaking the tongue when trying to be discreet.

Quana grinned. "I guess maybe it's my fault for liking funny earth programs."

"You're perfect for each other."

Quana shrugged, turning green in embarrassment.

"You've stopped taking Fetmip."

She gave Morgan a bashful smile. "There's no need to conceal my blush color. I'm leaving in a week."

I put an arm around Quana. "I like it when she turns green."

"And what color do you turn, Mr. Abreya?"

I laughed. "Probably pink. I'm the `ish'."

"Well, Matt, I'm sorry you missed so much school."

"It's okay. Quana's mother has something set up. I'm going to be a missionary."

"Nalah! Good luck with that!"

I paused. "Oh. Which reminds me...I...uh...got some loans to pay off."

Morgan's eyes narrowed. "What...kind of loans."

"I've got a car lease and my college stuff."

"I may look it, but I'm not a charity."

"It's not like that," Quana protested. "He's not going to be living here that much, so we need someone to take care of things in our absence. You'll be using my money. As always you have joint access to my accounts, and I'll replenish them whenever I visit Earth again."

"Quana, you know I already have a lot of irons in my pizza."

I covered my mouth to suppress a laugh.

Quana nodded. "We can handle some of our business online, but I think certain things still need to be mailed. And that's why we need your help."

Morgan bowed her head. "We have a muyyab."

I furrowed my brow. "Huh?"

"It's a kind of pact," Quana explained.

"Where will the cars be kept?"

"Car." I gave her an apologetic smirk. "Hers is totaled."

"Have you called the insurance company?"

I frowned. "Quana?"

"No. I was preoccupied with higher pursuits."

Morgan made tsk noises, shaking her head. "And how many months has it been? Good luck trying to submit a claim!"

"I...uh...think it went to an impound lot. Someone may have auctioned it off for scrap already."

Morgan shot her a scolding look. "There still remains the issue of the legal complications and title. I'll take care of it...Matt, what are you going to do with the...other car while you're gone?"

"I don't know. Just leave it at her house?"

She slouched in her chair. "I suppose that will work. At least the pool parking space will be open."

It took me a moment to realize she was speaking about parking her spaceship in the dirt hole behind the house.

"I hope this works out."

"How have your classes been going, professor?" I asked.

"Nothing much to report. Just going through the course schedule and lecturing. Midterms will be coming up tomorrow. It's good that you caught me now before I got swamped in paperwork."

"How did you manage to become a professor? I mean, when I first met you, I couldn't even tell you were from an alien planet."

"Well, the easy answer is that I went through college and got a masters in education. But it wasn't easy to blend in with humanity. It took me awhile to learn the language, get my U.S. citizenship, and overcome my accent."

"I've noticed a slight accent, but I couldn't tell where it was from. I haven't been many places outside Kansas City." I pointed to a Hopi mask. "You've got quite a collection here."

My professor smiled. "I worked as a cook on one of their reservations for awhile. The Southwest is very beautiful."

"Why did you move up here?"

"A change of pace. Plus I didn't like the job too much. They made me assistant manager, and I was stuck with these young kids that spent so much time talking and playing around that I could never make the customers happy. I said enough was enough and left them."

"We brought the supplies you asked for," Quana said. "Briquanpeg, briyelir, brihedrac, brirugnon... It's in the Aqioxim."

"By all means, bring it in."

"It's a little heavy," I groaned.

"Oh all right." Sighing, Morgan donned her robe and led us out to the car, hefting the large object through the front door, and down the hallway to a room full of lab tables, scientific equipment and animal cages.

In the corner, a young Vietnamese kid in a lab coat waved a glowing device over a guinea pig, typing something on a communicator.

I gawked at the stranger. "What's he doing here?"

"That's Tran Nguyen. He's part of the exchange program."

"Exchange to what?"

"Hello, Professor Morgan." He didn't take his eyes away from the glowing display. "Is this the friend you told me about?"

"Guep, and a former student. Matt, Tran is working on some very exciting cancer research projects between the UCLA Medical School and the University of Seoul."

"He's also blind," Quana muttered.

"How's he doing that with no eyesight?"

"He has bripabazol. See those shiny things on his temples?"

I did notice something resembling quarters affixed below his hairline.

"Would you like something to eat?" Morgan asked.

I and Quana shook our heads. "We just ate."

"How about drinks? I've got milk, several types of beer, or perhaps some tea, coffee, or Coke?"

I and Quana stared at each other. Quana smirked.

"Uh, Coke, I guess."

Quana furrowed her brow. "Beer, please."

Morgan nodded and left the room.

Quana regarded me with concern. "Are you sure you can handle Coke?"

"Because you got drunk on it? I don't see why I can't. I don't know how human I actually am. If it's a problem, I won't do it again."

She let the subject drop. "What do you think would be a better name for a child? Isoceles? Socrates? Or Nonmon Shell?"

I stared at her. "Those sound like terrible names. The kids would get beat up at school."

Quana shrugged. "It would be okay on Pathilon."

"I...I don't know. I don't really want to think about this right now. Not after my...medical issues."

"Okay. I'm sorry. We'll discuss this later."

Morgan brought out our drinks. "Here you go."

I frowned at the clear bubbling beverage being pressed into my hand. "This...isn't Coke."

"It might not be a good time for you to experiment with barbituates right now. I want you to be mentally clear for something I want to try on you today."

The two females exchanged knowing looks. Quana seemed a bit uncomfortable.

"What are we trying?"

"We'll talk about it later." Morgan sipped a beer. "You're leaving in a week?"

Quana nodded. "I promised mother."

"So when are you tying the cord?"

"Knot?"

Morgan nodded.

"We don't know yet. We're talking it over with our parents first."

Morgan rolled her eyes. "I know how that is. I got so frustrated that I eloped."

I goggled at her. "You have a husband?"

"Years ago, I did. He met with a tragic accident. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him."

"I'm sorry. How did it happen?"

"There was an explosion in the lab on Pathilon. I'm not really sure what happened, exactly. Didn't have much left of him to...bury." She looked depressed about it, but not weepy.

Quana changed the subject. Slightly. "I'm going to take Matt's parents to Pathilon to meet mom and plan the wedding."

Morgan's eyes widened. "Seriously? After all you described in those yarzgar messages?"

"It's okay now. Like I told you in the message, I got things settled with mom. They should be safe."

"Quana!" Morgan cried. "You said that Matt got released mostly because he looks like an Abreya! Who's to say that his family will be safe?"

"She's a Christian now. Things have changed."

I nodded. "Mom and Dad are the image of what her savior looks like. If she's serious about her faith, she won't do what she did to me."

"And how do you know she's serious?"

Quana put her hands on her hips. "You think I don't know my own mother?"

"I watch the news."

"Mom did other things. She stopped the wedding, she freed my friend Ippi...I think she's raked the leaves."

Morgan frowned. "I certainly hope she has."

I scratched my head. "You...mean...she turned over a new leaf."

Both Abreays stared at me. "What?"

I had to explain the expression. "You know Morgan, all those times in class when I heard you botch a figure of speech, I thought those were jokes."

"And you seem to be unusually attentive for someone who often spends an entire lecture sketching pictures of little spaceships!"

Quana laughed.

Morgan's facial expression got serious. "Matt, are you going to warn your parents?"

"I don't know. I can warn them later. I think they still need to pack or something anyway. Just as long as I tell them sometime before we leave Earth, right?"

"Perhaps."

I addressed my teacher. "I heard you were turning one hundred."

Morgan smiled. "You heard correctly. I turn one hundred November second. Feel free to come celebrate with me. I don't know if there will be a great turnout."

"We'll try, but I can't guarantee."

"That's okay. I understand. It is a bit of a distance...Quana, could I speak to you privately?"

"Gip'm."

The two left the room. For awhile.

I examined my surroundings. A square outline beneath a Hopi mask seemed to indicate a safe. Paper crumbs in the fireplace indicated...the destruction of documents of unknown sensitivity? Or maybe she didn't feel like using a paper shredder, or maybe thought it not secure enough. The piano tempted me, but I didn't want to interrupt the females' powwow.

The bookshelves contained music books, a variety of English primers, and dozens of books with no unifying theme to indicate what sort of person kept the collection. There seemed to be one book from every major topic of intellectual study, and quite a few of the not-so-intellectual, such as the biography of Tony Danza. Although Morgan had many in English, I found a few in French, Chinese and German as well. Various books on science, world cultures and the like.

I pulled out a book with Wava on the cover. Something about a culture of pygmy Abreyas in Amnorrh, a country on Pathilon. I read a page, put it down.

A book about human sexuality lay in the bottommost corner.

Making sure nobody was looking, I opened it, mostly to satisfy my curiosity about why Morgan had it in her library, and why the pages looked so worn.

I found the pages full of highlightings, underscores and Wava notes scrawled in the margins.

I turned the book sideways, reading one entry: `Feminine organ has odd, teardrop shaped arrangement, best suited for single pronged instrument.'

Snickering, I turned the page.

`Note: Not to be worn outside.'

Page 10: `So that's why I got so many stares!'

I scanned down.

`Why would you want to put that in your mouth?'

Hearing muttering, I shoved the book back in the shelf, then scrambled to replace a fallen business card within its pages. I didn't want to think about what kind of business it was.

Morgan cleared her throat. "Matt. Couch."

Perplexed by the strong tone, I nervously deposited myself into a sofa.

Quana seated herself next to me, clutching my arm tightly.

The woman pulled up a wooden chair up to the couch, locking eyes with me. "Matt, I'm going to ask you a personal question, and I want you to answer it as honestly as possible. None of your answers will leave this room, this will be completely confidential."

I swallowed. "Is this going where I think it's going?"

She placed a hand on my knee. "Quana says you have been experiencing...medically based...sexual problems. Is this true?"

I slowly nodded, heat rising in my cheeks.

"Matt..." Morgan's voice developed a doctorly tone of concern. "How long has it been since you've passed urine?"

"Um, I dunno. Awhile? For some reason, I just didn't feel the need."

She frowned, muttering something to Quana.

Quana nodded.

"Matt, I'd like to scan you with a Peldib. It's a...device...similar to an X-ray."

I swallowed. "Will this tell me what's going on with my body?"

"We hope so."

Morgan led me down the hallway to a tiny medical room, like something out of a small family clinic. Brown rubber examination table, blood pressure machine and cabinets laden with doctor's supplies. Notably, though, it lacked medical ads and disposable things like paper bed covers or ear canal cones. I figured it had something to do with disuse and advanced alien sanitation techniques. In place of an X-ray light box, Morgan had a computer with digital Wava readouts, and a steel table nearby told me it was primarily a clinic for animals.

"Get up on the table and straddle the pad."