Somehow, Someday

Chapter 1

"Why?"

Kagome crossed her arms on the desk and slouched forward until her chin rested on them. It had only been a month since dad died. Everywhere she expected to see him offered her nothing but empty spaces. Not in the morning. Not at bedtime. Not whenever she wanted to tell him something. Not when he would take her to the park or help her with her tangled hair. Grandma hadn't been able to attend the funeral because she had been readmitted to the hospital. Mom was sad, but was doing her best to keep things together for her. Grandpa must be sad too, his wife was in the hospital and his son died, but here he was trying to teach her some scriptures.

"His spirit lives, so it's best we set it free rather than curse it." Grandpa always had that far off look whenever talking about the supernatural.

"People can become curses?" Kagome tilted her head so that her ear laid against her arm.

"Haven't you been listening at all?" His fingers stroke one side of his growing mustache, strands of grey hairs beginning to become more prominent.

Kagome kicked her dangling feet. She had, but it was a lot of information and Grandpa had a habit of going on long tangents causing her to lose focus. Dad had always been the one to cut in if he went on too long. "There's too much." She pouted, staring at the shelves and cabinets of information and miscellaneous objects. "How do we have all this anyway? You ran away because they said you have no talent. Grandma and Dad," Kagome tripped over her words as she caught herself talking about her dad in present tense, "learned about Cursed Energy and Spiritual Energy from you." For not being able to do anything useful, he certainly got his hands on a lot of things.

Kagome waited for the comeback. The correction. The rant. Anything she had come to expect. She only received silence which worried her. Had she been too mean bringing up his past? But Grandpa was the one always complaining.

Grandpa sighed and sat on the ground. "I only found a few of these. There used to be more, but I may have accidentally started a fire. Don't tell your mother. She thinks there's another reason. The rest were given to you. It's all in the records."

"A gift to me? From who?" No one should know. It was one of the first lessons she learned, especially when she didn't have proper control of it.

"Don't worry about who! Worry about learning it!"

It made Kagome more curious.

"I'll get you that doll you've been eyeing up at the toy store if you do."

"Grandpa, this is so cool. Where should I start?" A normal present from Grandpa? How rare.

.

"Thank you!" Tsumiki enthusiastically thanked her mother.

"Yeah, yeah. I plan on staying out late." It was her way of telling her to do what she wanted. Stay there. Find her way home. Don't anticipate her presence.

Tsumiki pulled on the inside handle to the backseat of the taxi and pushed the door open. She spun her legs to dangle them outside the vehicle and swooped down. She gave a wave to her mom, which she didn't reciprocate, before closing the door. She watched the car drive off.

Turning around, Tsumiki looked up the stairs. It wasn't the first time her mom dropped her off here. She had long abandoned dropping her off at the top.

She considered her options. If she paced herself better, she wouldn't need to use her hands to crawl up the steps. She almost made it when she caved in and crawled the last eight steps. She looked around to see if anyone saw her, and felt happy to see no one. She sat on the top step for a few moments to catch her breath.

The shrine was spacious, unlike home.

Tsumiki raised one hand to knock while using her other hand to tightly grip the bottom of her skirt.

The door opened. "Tsumiki?" Kyoka peeked out the door to see if the girl's mother was here. Their last conversation ended in an argument over the phone and she didn't know if she would see either of them again. It had been four months. Kyoka was happy to see Tsumiki but wasn't happy about the circumstances. She ushered Tsumiki in. Kyoka wouldn't let the girl suffer for it. "Have you had lunch yet? I can get you something to eat."

"Yes please. Thank you." Tsumiki took a seat at the table, but tilted her head back to watch Kyoka grab items to prepare a meal. She wanted to ask if she can help, but Kyoka never allowed her for the first meal. Sometimes Tsumiki was allowed to help with subsequent meals and snacks, usually made into a fun activity, but never for the first meal.

The house was quiet aside from the ruffling from the kitchen.

Kyoka brought out a plate and placed it on the table in front of Tsumiki, placing a spoon down next to it so that she could scoop out the curry.

Tsumiki stared at Kyoka's belly. It had gotten bigger.

Kyoka rubbed her belly. She hadn't been showing last time. "I'm pregnant. Kagome is going to become a big sister."

Tsumiki eyes twinkled at the prospect. She wondered what it would be like to have a sibling. She took a bite of food. It always tasted good. "That's so cool."

She liked it when Kyoka gazed at her fondly. It also brought about feelings of betrayal, but she always pushed down those thoughts. How was liking someone else betraying her mom? She got to see her mom often unlike the Higurashi family. Her emotions must have been confused.

Tsumiki ate contently as she chattered about what she's been up to. It was weird. No one else had come to join them. "Where is everyone?" She glanced to the staircase then back to the door. "Are they having fun without you? That's mean."

"My guess is Kagome and Grandpa are in the haiden or out in the forest."

"Oh! Maybe they're birdwatching. I like the little orange ones." Tsumiki scrapped her spoon to get the last bit of food. "Where's Ren? He still needs to finish the story. I want to know what happened to Tsukino-hime."

Kyoka's hand twitched, still unsure of how to tell the cheery girl. It had been hard with Kagome. It still was. Her daughter had come crying to her a fair amount, but she also tried to help out to not stress her out. What a considerate daughter. Even when Kyoka thought she had been doing a decent job hiding it. Eight years was much too short, but they were irreplaceable years. "You won't be seeing him anymore. Him or Granny."

"Did you have a fight? You're supposed to apologize when you fight."

"Not like that. They aren't coming back in the same way your day isn't coming back."

"Oh." Tsumiki felt a hollowness. She couldn't remember her dad, but she had known Ren and Granny. The large family that brought her comfort and happiness shrunk. She cautiously looked to Kyoka wondering if she was going to fall apart like her mom.

The front door opened and Kagome ran it. "It did it! I really— Tsumiki!" Kagome forgot what she was going to say to rush to her friend. It had been far too long. Her other friends were from convenience. They were from the neighbourhood and so usually their parents set up playdates, but they had made fun of her name more than once and they always tell her she's cheating. It wasn't her fault she could tell who was behind her when they played Kagome Kagome, or where they were hiding when playing Hide-and-Seek. It was instinct. She couldn't turn it off. Tsumiki was never rude and she was fun to be around. "I missed you."

Tsumiki sat still as she was engulfed in a crushing hug. "I missed you too," Tsumiki mumbled. She remembered all the times she was left alone. She nuzzled her head into Kagome since she couldn't move her arms.

"Grandpa, Tsumiki came over!" Kagome released Tsumiki only to grab her hand and tug her to the stairs. "We're going to go play."

The widow and widower watched as the two kids rushed up the stairs.

"Did Haruko stop by?"

Kyoka couldn't hide her frown now that the children were out of sight. It hurt. The two of them were close throughout middle school and high school, but Haruko's life went wayward afterwards. Kyoka had tried to help as much as she could, but Haruko's coping methods became worse and more self-destructive. Kyoka worried, but she thought Haruko came to resent her. She knew their friendship would never be the same when she tried to bring up that Tsumiki needed a more stable home life. "You already know the answer, Dad." They may have been in-laws, but Baku and Yukio had welcomed her in as family quite quickly. She had been growing even closer with Baku the past few months as each other's support.

Baku had known the answer, but he had been hoping for a miracle because his news wasn't exactly good. He looked to the stairs one more time, ensuring the kids remained upstairs. "I don't think the annals are wrong." Even now he saw how strong Kyoka's heart was. Holding strong to whether the storm as she took his deduction as fact.

"We should warn her," she said.

"There's time. Things are hard enough right now. Let's give her a little longer."

"Isn't there anything else we can do for her?" Kyoka was out of her depth. She wasn't even meant to know.

"Nothing that won't cause new problems." It wasn't like he hadn't considered it before. Baku understood Kyoka, but even he was out of his element.

"Problematic enough that it isn't worth it?."

"Yes." Baku didn't even know how to begin to explain how many ways seeking aid could backfire spectacularly.

.

Tsumiki stayed with the Higurashi family for three days before going home. They sent her back with extra food and traveled with her until they were outside the apartment complex.

She quietly opened the door. It may have been midday, but her mom might have been sleeping.

Her mom sat on the floor in shorts and a tank top. There was garbage piling up around her. Noticeably, a few cans of alcohol. "Huh?" Her tone was a register lower than she typically spoke, and she had a problem keeping her head steady. "Tsumiki, come here."

She did as asked. Tsumiki walked until she was next to her, but Haruko motioned with her hand to get closer. Tsumiki moved closer until she stood between her legs.

Haruko hugged her daughter. Her head nuzzled against Tsumiki's stomach. Haruko brought her hands to cup Tsumiki's cheeks. Her thumbs running over her face with a gentleness.

Tsumiki noticed the glassy look in her mother's eyes.

"You're a really good kid, you know that?" said Haruko. A warmth spread throughout Tsumiki. "You're pretty and a haven, just like your name." Tears ran down Haruko's face. "You're nice. You're patient. You're smart, always figuring things out, and you listen. You're a good listener." Tsumiki said nothing, not wanting to risk anything that could stop that moment. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Tsumiki had heard it before, but she clung to her words.

"Don't become like me. Be kind. Be gracious. Steel yourself so you won't get hurt." Good things never lasted. How she resented Kyoka. How could her ex-friend be so accepting of every card she's drawn, no matter how bad, while no matter how hard she tried she fell apart piece by piece? She wanted to numb her senses. She wanted to feel. She didn't know what to do with Tsumiki. She was a proof of so many things she clung to, and so many things she wished to forget.

Tsumiki patted Haruko's head, with gentleness and caution, as if approaching a small frightened animal. "I love you." She stopped to reach into her dress pocket. Kagome would forgive her. "This is for you."

Haruko was confused as she grabbed the small object. "An omamori?"

Tsumiki nodded. "It's a katsumori." She tried to repeat the words Kagome had told her. "It's to get something you've hoped for."

Her mom should get whatever she wanted. She wanted her mom to be happy.

.

Grandpa always made a big deal about controlling her energy. She wasn't even allowed to register for school until Grandpa deemed it good enough. She didn't mind learning from her family, but she wanted to go to school. She wanted to go out, make friends, and have a fun school life.

Kagome tried to rein her powers in so that it wouldn't 'be leaking'.

She focused on the flow of energy. "Huh?" Kagome opened her eyes. "Grandpa, it feels weird."

"You'll get used to it."

He didn't understand. "No, it feels weird." She rubbed her eye. "It feels like another energy. Or two."

Grandpa's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "You can feel it?"

Kagome tilted her head. Had he already known? She nodded. "Yes. There's mine that I use. There's another that feels similar. And…" How was she meant to describe the third?

"Does it feel like me?"

"Sort of? But like a million times stronger like a dragon instead of an ant. Also, you feel kind, but this feels like poison."

Grandpa made a complaint about the ant comment, but she was still confused. Kagome practiced almost every day. How hadn't she felt it before? It was so strong— and like that the feeling vanished as soon as she stopped focusing on it. She was trying to burrow her powers. Was it buried so deep she couldn't notice?

Maybe Grandpa was right that she needed to be a little more aware.