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Chapter 10 - Edited
Ben's scream pierced the quiet of the campground, sending shivers down everyone's spines. He thrashed about, drenched in sweat, as beads of moisture dripped down his face.
Aang shot up from his slumber, the air bending around him as he sprang to his feet. Sokka scrambled, reaching for his boomerang with panicked eyes, while Katara struggled to free herself from her sleeping bag, nearly tripping over it in her haste.
"What's happening?" Sokka's boomerang swung through the air, his eyes darting around frantically. "Are we under attack?" His heart raced, gripped by the shadows of fear.
Ben's ragged breath reverberated through the campground. He clamped his eyes shut, his trembling hand covering his face. After a moment, he managed to speak.
"No... no... just a nightmare." Ben's voice was strained, and the others began to relax. He sat up straight, hunched over his bedroll. It had been a week since he started training with Meetra, choosing once more to follow the path of a Jedi Knight.
Days of force ability training and practicing lightsaber forms had shown some progress, but it wasn't without its struggles. The alcohol and smoke that once dulled his connection to the force were slowly leaving his system, and he felt a bit lighter, his breathing less labored. The force, too, was no longer a distant echo, but something more tangible.
However, the demons of the night persisted. He foolishly hoped that his renewed commitment to the Jedi path would drive away the haunting memories, but they clung to him like shadows, refusing to let go.
There were moments when his left hand seemed to have a mind of its own, trembling uncontrollably. He had to use his right hand to steady it, and sometimes, violet sparks would burst from his fingertips, unbidden and unrestrained.
In his dreams, he was transported back to his younger self, wielding a double-bladed lightsaber in the jungles of Eres III during the Mandalorian Wars. The force heightened the sensations, making it feel like he was reliving a memory, trapped in that chaotic time when he and many other impressionable young Jedi were swayed by Malak and Revan.
Ben pressed his palm to his face, trying to calm himself and find some semblance of peace amidst the turmoil. The memories clung to him like a curse, reminding him of the choices he had made and the dark path he had once walked.
The war was supposed to be an adventure, or so he thought. The Council, those old fools, just like during the Exar Kun Wars, decided to stay uninvolved, leaving the Republic to pay the price. They barely won that war, by the skin of their teeth. But it wasn't an adventure; it was hell.
The jungle, once lush and green, now smoldered in his mind's eye. The Mandalorians set it ablaze, and the fires continued to burn, even after all these years. Ben's breaths grew shallow, his eyes no longer glazed with memories but filled with seething rage and hate.
"It was the Jedi's fault!" His thoughts erupted like a volcano, the dreams dragging him back into the nightmare of his past. "They allowed children to fight their war for them... They turned me into this, they broke me!"
The bitterness, the resentment, swelled within him, refusing to be tamed or forgotten. Ben could never forget what they did to him.
His hatred for the Jedi surged once more, but this time it was different. Deep within him, a beast stirred, a pit of darkness that laughed at the boy who dared call himself a Jedi. The beast knew the truth, that Benjamin would never truly belong among them. An outsider, always looking in. A true Jedi Exile.
But the creature bided its time, waiting for the perfect moment to unleash its wrath, to rampage through everything in its path. It would wait until Benjamin learned to let go...
And until that day, the darkness within him grew stronger, urging him to embrace his true nature. The war of light and shadow continued within Ben, as the struggle for his soul raged on.
The sun bore down on team Avatar as they trudged along the dirt roads, the forest enveloping them with its towering oak trees, occasionally offering a welcome respite from the scorching rays.
Ahead of the trio, Ben walked, his steps steady but distant, nearly a meter ahead of the rest. Aang couldn't help but notice the flicker of concern in Sokka's eyes as he glanced at their brooding friend.
"Is Ben... okay?" Aang finally voiced the question on everyone's mind.
Sokka, Katara, and Aang exchanged glances, all observing the unease that seemed to shadow Ben's every step.
"He had that nightmare," Sokka explained, keeping a watchful eye on Ben's solitary form. "I think we should give him some space to think."
Helplessness tugged at Sokka's heart. He wanted to be there for Ben, to support him in any way he could. After all, Ben had saved him and Katara countless times, and the debt weighed on Sokka's mind.
But how do you reach someone who hides behind sarcasm and jokes like an impenetrable fortress? Sokka was the master of wit, but he knew that levity wasn't the answer here. Ben needed genuine connection and understanding.
Katara and Aang shared the same bewilderment. Aang, the youngest and least experienced of them, seemed to have a better grasp of what plagued Ben. It wasn't just the absence of smokes and liquor that affected him; the nightmares were something deeper, something they couldn't fathom.
As they continued down the road, the weight of uncertainty lingered like a dark cloud over their heads.
The thoughts swirled in Aang's mind as he remembered the revelations that had spilled from Ben's lips. The young airbender had always been drawn to the tales of the Jedi, their legends dazzling his imagination, so meeting an actual Jedi like Ben had been a thrilling prospect.
Yet, the reality didn't quite match the fantasy. Aang hadn't expected to encounter a chain-smoking, borderline alcoholic Jedi. But despite the flaws, he admired Ben's decision to walk the path of the Jedi and stick with them. Opening up and discussing his past was a rarity for Ben, and Aang knew the weight it carried.
As the trio of Team Avatar conversed, Ben walked alone, deep in his thoughts and turmoil. The nightmare he had endured had triggered a profound introspection, a battle within his own mind. His newfound sobriety added another layer to his perspective, making him see things in a different light.
Golden eyes glistened like discarded jewels in the sunlight as Ben's internal debate raged on. Did he truly want to be a Jedi? It was a question that had crept into his mind, unbidden and unwelcome. He couldn't deny the hatred he still harbored towards the council and his order. The flames of anger seemed to flicker, refusing to be extinguished.
Ben had hoped that rejoining the Jedi would lead to forgiveness, but the wounds ran deep, too deep for any form of reconciliation. He knew there were only two paths in the Force—Jedi and Sith. The tales of the grey Jedi like Jolee Bindo held some allure, but Ben was no ordinary Jedi. He was a dark side adept, an anomaly, and he felt truly alone in the universe.
The desire to talk to someone, to find understanding, gnawed at him, but he knew the responses he would receive. The world didn't understand his struggle, and he could already hear their dismissive remarks.
In the end, Ben had only himself to confront the darkness within, and the battle raged on, his soul tugged between the light and the dark, between the past and an uncertain future.
The words from the ancient text echoed in Ben's mind, like an insidious whisper from the shadows. "Light and Dark... merely just tools." He couldn't shake the thought that had now taken root, burrowing deep within him like a relentless parasite. It was an idea he had dismissed in the past, dismissing it as the ramblings of some old codger lost in philosophical musings. But now, it gnawed at him with relentless persistence.
He remembered the time when Revan had bestowed those rare texts upon him, back in the throes of the Mandalorian Wars. He had been a model soldier, a model Sith, and the ancient scrolls had been his reward. However, he had found little to learn from them then, apart from a technique to refine his telekinetic abilities. Only now, in the midst of his internal struggle, did those words hold such power over him.
"What if it's all just tools?" The question reverberated through his being. Could it be that the Force, the light side, and the dark side were merely instruments to be wielded by those with enough power to harness them? It seemed too simple, too convenient. How could the Force, with its unimaginable power to shape galaxies, be boiled down to a mere set of tools?
Yet, the idea lingered, taking root in his mind like an invasive weed. He desperately tried to push it away, unwilling to entertain the notion any further. His entire life had been shaped by the Jedi teachings, the strict dichotomy of light and dark, good and evil. To reduce it all to mere tools with no inherent morality seemed preposterous.
Running his fingers through his hair, he felt the wind whip around him, as if the elements themselves were wrestling with his thoughts. The internal war within him raged on, torn between the teachings of the Jedi and the revelations that had been awakened within him.
As he pondered, the names of ancient Sith lords danced in his mind—Freedon Nadd, Exar Kun, Marko Ragnos, Revan, and more. They had all fallen to the dark side, their stories etched in the annals of history. Was it a lack of control that led to their downfall, or was it something deeper, a willing surrender to the seductive allure of darkness?
Perhaps, he thought, they were different from him. They lacked dark side affinities like his, and maybe that made all the difference. But he needed to grow stronger, to protect his friends, especially Aang, whom he held dear. He couldn't solely rely on his core force abilities forever. Maybe, just maybe, if he could limit his use of the dark side and maintain self-control, there could be a way forward.
Yet, he remained torn, still uncertain. The question of whether the Force was mere tools or something more profound haunted him, its answer eluding his grasp like a distant mirage.
"Stop making excuses," Ben muttered to himself, clenching his eyes shut as if to shut out the intrusive thoughts that clawed at his mind. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the relentless temptations that plagued him. It was getting ridiculous; the urge to tap into the dark side of the Force seemed to grow stronger since he had quit drinking and smoking.
The itch in his brain, the insidious voice that whispered seductive promises, tempted him to unleash the power of the dark side, to wield the force with darker intent. He couldn't understand why these thoughts plagued him, why they became harder to resist the more he reconnected with the force. The nightmares, too, had returned with a vengeance, tormenting him with the terrors of his past.
"Maybe, just a drink or a smoke...just a little bit and I'll be fine," he reasoned within himself, searching for some escape, something to silence the relentless clamor within his mind. The craving for the comfort of the familiar vices tempted him, the longing for a momentary relief from the pain and the nightmares.
His hand instinctively reached for his pocket, seeking the solace of a cigarette, but it found nothing. He had grown so accustomed to reaching for them that the absence was jarring, a reminder of the change he was trying to embrace.
"GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!" Ben's rage echoed through the forest, startling birds from their perches. The turmoil within him bubbled to the surface, and he felt the weight of his struggles threatening to overwhelm him.
"Okay, that does it..." Katara spoke up, quickening her pace to catch up with him, defying the protests of the others. Her concern for the young exile outweighed any hesitation she might have felt.
"Ben..." Her voice was soft, honeyed with genuine care. She approached him gently, aware of the fragile state he was in.
"God, what is it, Katara?" Ben snapped back, his eyes narrowed and hollow, betraying his exhaustion and torment. The girl kept walking alongside him, undeterred by his sharp tone, her eyes locked onto his face.
"Are you...okay?" Katara immediately regretted her question, feeling foolish for asking the obvious. Of course, he wasn't okay. He was clearly suffering.
"Just peachy...real peachy," he smirked, but his eyes remained distant, refusing to meet hers directly. He confided that he hadn't touched a drink or a smoke in days, and the withdrawal symptoms were taking their toll on him. The shakes, the nightmares—they were all becoming unbearable burdens.
Katara knew she needed to offer support, to lend a listening ear. "Do you want to talk about it? I can listen if you..." Her words trailed off, offering a glimmer of understanding and compassion.
But Ben's form slowed, and he began to fall behind, his gaze fixed on the dirt road beneath his feet. The weight of his struggles weighed heavily upon him, and Katara knew she couldn't fix it all with just words.
For a moment, Katara thought she had broken through that impenetrable wall that Benjamin had erected around himself. Maybe he was finally ready to share the weight that burdened his mind. But her hopes were dashed as quickly as they had risen.
"No...god, I am fine," Ben retorted, his eyes fixed firmly ahead. He pushed himself away from Katara and the rest, quickening his pace to put some distance between them. Sokka and Aang moved closer to Katara, concern etched on their faces.
"Give Ben some time..." Aang suggested, offering his hand to Katara for support. Sokka had an inkling of what was bothering Benjamin—the newfound sobriety. He had seen elders and warriors struggle with irritability after giving up smoking or drinking, and Benji seemed to be no exception.
"Yeah, he's been sober for a couple of days now. He'll be irritated, but we need to support him. It'll be easier for him to relapse," Sokka explained, understanding the complexities of Ben's situation.
Ben's ears picked up their conversation; the force granted him enhanced hearing. He knew they were worried about him, that their intentions were good. But he found himself disgusted with his own vulnerability. He was supposed to be the Jedi on this mission, not the one they had to worry about.
They continued on their journey, and soon, a town came into view with chimneys billowing smoke and the sounds of bustling activity. "Another town...oh, let's see what's going on here!" Ben's sarcastic remark pierced the air, as he rushed off into the distance, drawing the attention of the townsfolk.
The town looked similar to the one they had encountered during their first meeting with Kiara, albeit smaller. Ben, however, sensed something strange, an unexplainable feeling stirring within him. He gazed toward the distant mountaintop, obscured by dark storm clouds.
"What the hell?" he muttered, taken aback by this peculiar sensation, as if electricity coursed through every fiber of his being.
"Come on, Ben!" Katara's voice beckoned him back. He turned to see her smiling face and waving hand, inviting him to join them in a nearby building. Ben hesitated for a moment, his senses still on edge. There was an ominous feeling, as if impending doom lurked on the horizon.
"Why do I have this feeling...that something is going to go bad real quick. It's almost like there is something on the edge of the horizon, something that's going to go bad, real fast," he pondered in silence. Nevertheless, he followed his friends inside, closing the door behind them.
The room they entered was neither lavish nor ordinary—it exuded comfort. "A fortune teller, really?" Ben couldn't resist a quip, earning a playful reaction from the rest of team avatar as they kicked off their shoes.
"A little break couldn't hurt. Let's just enjoy it," Aang suggested optimistically, trying to lighten the mood. But as they settled in, the unsettling feeling in Ben's gut remained, and the specter of an uncertain future loomed on the horizon.
The room exuded an air of tranquility with its light brown carpet and comfortable, light green pillows scattered across the floor. Ben, however, couldn't fully appreciate the cozy setting. He kicked off his shoes and settled on one of the pillows, his mind preoccupied with troubling thoughts.
Throughout the week, his friends took the time to get Ben's injured arm checked out. Fortunately, it wasn't broken, but he needed some rest and medication for a full recovery. Stubborn as he was, he discarded the cast, opting to let his arm heal naturally. He couldn't afford any weaknesses, not with the looming threat of Kiara and the fire nation.
"Ben..." Sokka's voice broke through his daze, nudging him with concern. Ben snapped back to the present, meeting Sokka's gaze.
"Are you okay...seriously?" Sokka inquired, leaning against the wall beside him. Aang tried to eavesdrop on Katara, pressing his ear to the wall nearby.
Ben nodded, attempting to appear sincere. "I'm fine, Sokka. Just tired, that's all..." he brushed off the young warrior's concern, but Sokka could sense the lies.
"Yeah, I can tell. You've been having nightmares, right? Want to talk about them?" Sokka persisted, genuinely worried about his friend.
"No, I don't. Seriously, thanks for wanting to help, but you wouldn't understand," Ben deflected, his tone laced with hostility.
Sokka took a deep breath, refusing to back down. "I can't understand if you won't talk to me. We're getting worried, Ben. You're our friend, and it's okay to rely on us."
A brief silence enveloped the room as Ben contemplated his response. Finally, he spoke in a detached, emotionless tone, his eyes fixed on the unsightly green carpet. "There is no emotion...there is peace," he muttered, his words devoid of feeling, almost robotic.
Sokka's face twisted as if he had bitten into a lemon, finding it hard to swallow the bitter truth. "What...no emotion, Benjamin?" he echoed, disbelief coloring his voice.
"That is the first tenet of our order. To abolish emotion so that we can sacrifice it for peace. I will make it through this. Don't worry about me, Sokka. I am the Jedi on this mission. My emotions and pain do not matter, only the mission at hand," Ben explained, his conviction unwavering.
"Ben, that's insane..."
"What?" Ben snapped back, his eyes locking with Sokka's wide-eyed astonishment.
"To abandon emotion completely, that's ridiculous. You can't just cut yourself off from emotion, that's insane!" Sokka's voice grew louder, his finger pointed accusingly at the green carpet beneath them.
"I'm a Jedi...a knight of the order. I don't have the luxury to embrace my emotions anymore. I already have so much trouble with controlling them," Ben affirmed, his words sending a shiver down Sokka's spine. It was sickening to witness the transformation of the boy who had once helped him and his sister, the same boy who had fearlessly leaped into a bottomless pit to save their friend. To see him now, reduced to this state—it was beyond comprehension. Sokka couldn't contain his own emotions as he tried to reason with his friend.
"Your human, Ben. I don't know why you're doing this...I can understand trying to stop the drinking and smoking, but to stop feeling emotion? That's crazy! How could anyone do that? To desensitize yourself to everything. You're letting these teachings warp you..." Sokka pleaded, his concern for Ben evident.
"It's my only option, Sokka. Either Jedi or Sith...there is nothing else. If I am a Jedi Knight, I must follow the code of my order. To abandon emotion and to become one with the force, is the path," Ben's words were chilling, and the weight of his convictions filled the room, making the air feel heavy.
Still, Sokka couldn't stay silent. "I'm just saying that it just seems wrong...you're not a robot. You can't just stop feeling everything," he implored.
In response, Ben rose from the room, hastily putting on his boots and storming out, slamming the door with such force that it attracted the attention of others nearby. Unbeknownst to them, he slipped away with a bottle of gin meant for fortune-telling, his stealthy crime going unnoticed.
Sokka sighed under his breath, and Aang, who had been eavesdropping on Katara, returned to his pillow, casually munching on the snacks laid out for them. "Ben, I tried to talk to him..." Sokka expressed his frustration.
"Oh, I see now," Aang nodded, understanding Sokka's concerns. "Let him be for a little while. He just needs to sort out his emotions, maybe blow off some steam or something," Aang suggested, his munching on chips punctuating his words.
Sokka wasn't entirely convinced. "I don't know, Aang. Ben has been..." he trailed off, his bag rustling unexpectedly.
The emerald bag with the Earth Kingdom logo seemed to come alive, moving vibrantly as if stirred by an unseen force. Sokka and Aang exchanged glances, both sensing something unusual. Slowly, Sokka pointed at the bag, and they watched in astonishment as a white lemur popped out of it, causing Sokka to yelp and scramble backward, pressing his back against the wall in shock. The creature's sudden appearance left them both mystified and unsettled.
"What is that!" Sokka girlishly shrieked, clutching onto his boomerang, his eyes wide with surprise and confusion.
Aang quickly raised his hands, trying to calm his friend. "It's a lemur...got him from the air temple," Aang explained, causing Sokka to lower his weapon slightly. The lemur happily bounded towards Aang, wrapping itself around the young airbender's arm.
Still perplexed, Sokka stared with his jaw almost to the floor. His anger mingled with bewilderment. Not only was the bag likely ruined and filled with fur, but he also couldn't understand why Aang had been hiding the creature.
"Aang, why are you hiding it?" Sokka inquired, his thoughts echoing his words. He took a step back from the wall, meeting the eyes of his friend.
"Remember what Ben said? About how there might have been creatures of the dark side?" Aang replied, reminding Sokka of their previous conversation about malevolent beings.
Sokka vaguely recalled Ben mentioning something along those lines. Creatures infused with malevolence, gaining strength from the dark side. However, the lemur before them didn't appear evil; in fact, it seemed harmless as Aang fed it chips from his hand.
"So you've been hiding it from Ben?" Sokka pressed further. But then another thought struck him. "Aang, he's not going to force you to get rid of your pet, you know that, right?"
Aang nodded, about to respond when suddenly the door slammed open. Katara emerged first, and Sokka watched from inside the room as a woman followed her. The woman was very old, her tanned face adorned with deep lines of wrinkles and an array of jewelry and rings. She wore a light brown robe with long stripes of yellow running through it.
"Aunt Wu, is everything okay?" Katara expressed her concern as the old woman walked out of the shop seemingly in a trance.
Katara's eyes scanned the room, realizing that one of their team members was missing. She let out a groan, placing her palm on her face in frustration. "Where is Ben?" she muttered under her breath, straining to keep her composure.
Sokka stood up from his seat, followed by Aang, who ushered the lemur back into the bag and picked it up. Both boys put on their shoes, ready to accompany Aunt Wu and the rest of the town as they followed her into an opening in the town square.
Aang, Sokka, and Katara joined the crowd, all eyes fixed on Aunt Wu as she gazed towards the sky, her eyes dilated, and her mouth partially open. The crowd erupted into a mix of awe and curiosity, captivated by Aunt Wu's actions.
"Ay, Aang," Sokka whispered into the young avatar's ears, catching his attention. Aang raised his head, looking at his taller friend inquisitively.
"This feels weird...doesn't it?" Sokka's voice quivered, his eyes widening as he observed the older woman in front of them. Aang was perplexed, not entirely grasping what Sokka was trying to convey.
"How?" Aang responded simply, seeking clarification.
Sokka shrugged, a sense of unease washing over him. "This just reminds me of something. Kind of like how Ben gets when he uses the force. You feel it too, don't you?"
"The Fire Nation... they're here!" Aunt Wu declared, snapping Team Avatar and the crowd out of their daze.
Aunt Wu's voice cut through the crowd, her eyes returning to normal as screams and fearful yelps echoed around them. Aang didn't need to turn around to know what they saw – the black clouds of two Fire Nation warships loomed on the horizon.
"Aang!" Sokka's urgent cry jolted the avatar back to reality. Katara, too, peered through the crowd, already reaching for her water flask. She knew this would be a different kind of battle, her eyes widening as she recognized a familiar Fire Nation warship approaching, followed by a second.
"Zuko!" she spat out. Aang nodded, gripping his staff tightly, ready for the impending clash.
He pressed the button on his glider, soaring into the air. The young avatar was determined to buy the villagers some time. Yet, as he glided, he felt an odd sensation – the gust of wind he was accustomed to was gone.
"Huh!" Aang exclaimed, a hint of concern creeping into his voice. The absence of wind was strange, unprecedented. He glanced downward, his eyes widening at the sight before him. The crowd stared back, witnessing the avatar suspended mid-air, like a bird trapped in flight. Aang felt a ripple of something unfamiliar course through his body.
His muscles tensed as he desperately veered toward the nearest house. He braced himself, colliding headfirst into the rugged wooden walls. The house buckled under the weight of the avatar, and Sokka and Katara heard the commotion.
"That was a bad fall..." Katara's eyes welled with tears, her heart racing as she prepared to rush to Aang's aid. Yet, before she could move, a blast sent her flying, her back scraping the dirt road as the crowd retreated in fear.
"Katara!" Sokka yelled, hurrying to his sister's side. But then, he too felt it – a strange pressure immobilizing him, freezing his body in place.
"A pity... so this is the team assigned to the Avatar. Two teenagers, a false Jedi, and a boy who is the Avatar. Truly pathetic," a cold, feminine voice taunted, slicing through Sokka's ears.
Sokka raised his head towards the voice, gripping his boomerang tightly with both hands. It was a girl...
A year or two older than him, the girl strode through the terrified crowd, parting them like a dark specter amidst chaos. The people scattered, seeking refuge from the fire nation's menacing advance and impending destruction.
Her long black hair, tied in a braided cascade, cascaded over her chest, accentuating the heavy black robes that clung to her athletic frame. But it was her grey, cold eyes that sent a shiver down Sokka's spine, freezing him in place like a house in a fierce windstorm with an unsteady foundation.
"You're not him... where is Benjamin, the Jedi?" she demanded, her voice sharp and commanding. Sokka's tongue felt as heavy as a rock, and his legs quivered like fragile twigs, unable to articulate a reply.
Summoning every ounce of courage left in him, Sokka raised his boomerang with both hands, attempting to form a defiant retort. "He's not here... fire nation scum!" he shouted, mustering the strength to release the weapon. The boomerang hurtled through the air, aimed straight at the girl.
With an effortless flick of her wrist, she deflected the boomerang, sending it clattering into a nearby house. Sokka's eyes widened as realization dawned on him.
"A dark Jedi..." he whispered, his heart pounding in his chest. There was no mistaking it – he could feel the darkness surrounding this girl, just like the aura he sensed around Ben when he used his power.
She was someone who harnessed the mystical force, a warrior who had likely trained relentlessly to achieve such mastery. The pressure she exuded entrapped Sokka, making it hard to breathe, as if she held his very heart in her hand, tightening her grip with each passing moment.
Her hand drifted to her waist, wrapping around the metallic hilt of a dark grey weapon. With a flick, a crimson fiery blade emerged, poised to strike. Sokka's brow glistened with sweat as fear gripped him.
"Fire nation dog!" a voice echoed from around him, rousing him from the enthralling grasp of the dark Jedi. A squadron of soldiers rushed past him, unburdened by her oppressive force. Katara brandished her water whip, attempting to strike the dark warrior, only for the water to be effortlessly dismissed.
Kiara, for that was the dark Jedi's name, sensed the difference in intent. The guards held lethal purpose, while the water tribe siblings seemed to lack the will to take a life. She smirked at the thought of such weakness.
The guards approached with spears and pikes, ready to kill her, while Sokka and Katara hesitated. Kiara's hand drifted to her robe, revealing a second hilt, and she smirked once more. Igniting the second crimson blade, she kicked forward, catching the unprepared squadron off-guard.
Kiara spun on her heels, transforming into a cyclone of crimson, her blades slicing through the guards with ruthless precision. In a matter of seconds, they were reduced to mere limbs and limbs flying through the air, the pungent stench of burnt flesh engulfing the scene.
Sokka's breath caught in his throat as something splattered right in front of him. He glanced down, his eyes falling upon a severed hand of one of the guards. His breathing hitched, and he fell backwards, the smoldering hand still in view.
He needed to move, to find a weapon, to stop her! But Ben's words echoed in Sokka's mind like a haunting refrain. "This isn't a game," he had warned, explaining the danger of Sith warriors. They didn't hold back, they didn't hesitate. They were ruthless and deadly.
Sokka chided himself for even considering confronting Kiara, a skilled dark Jedi who had already defeated Aang and severely injured Ben. What was he thinking?
"Katara... you've got to run," Sokka hesitantly pleaded, as he saw his sister's determination to stay and fight. Kiara was still occupied with the remaining soldiers, but Sokka knew she could turn her attention to them at any moment.
"I won't leave you," Katara protested, tears welling up in her eyes.
"Please, I can handle myself. You need to find Benjamin; he's the only one who stood a chance against her," Sokka urged, running towards the building where Aang was.
As Katara reached out her arm to stop him, Kiara intervened, slamming both siblings into the wall with a deafening thud. They were knocked unconscious, their bodies left helpless as Kiara advanced.
With a determined focus, Kiara turned her attention to the forest, unaware of the lemur that had managed to escape from the bag and flee into the safety of the woods.
Ben's shirt hung from a nearby tree, and his heavy boots were carelessly strewn on the ground. He wielded his blade with both hands, cutting and striking through the air with fervor. Sweat dripped from his athletic form like raindrops, his messy hair splashing across his face, but his rhythm remained unbroken.
His master, Meetra, watched him silently for a moment before letting out a hollowed sigh. "Soresu... really, Benjamin?" she chided.
Ignoring her disapproval, Ben continued his practice, struggling to recapture the skill he once possessed. Meetra's keen eyes caught something hidden behind the tree - a half-empty bottle of gin. She frowned, realizing that her apprentice had been drinking again.
"Why not?" Ben drunkenly mumbled in response to Meetra's disapproval, still swinging his blade.
Taking a deep breath, Meetra fixed her gaze on her wayward apprentice. "You were trained in Ataru and Shien for a reason," she reminded him. "Kreia specifically focused on you learning that form. I taught you Ataru so you could adapt and not be confined to a single form."
In the Jedi order, it was customary for many to master multiple forms, but certain circumstances sometimes led students or knights to specialize in one form. For Ben, Ataru and Shien were chosen because they suited him well - his athleticism complemented Ataru's agile combat, and Shien's strength-based style played to his physical prowess.
"I don't see a problem with learning a new form. A defensive form can be useful," Ben argued, offering a small drunken smile.
Skidding backward, he nearly lost his balance, and Meetra saw his drunken fumble. Her anger simmered beneath the surface, and she couldn't hold it in any longer. "No!" she shouted, her voice echoing through the training ground. The sudden outburst shook Ben from his trance, and his blade slipped from his hands, clattering on the ground. "Your transitions are too slow, your parrying is off, and you're rushing too much," she lectured, her words laced with anger and frustration.
The young exile stared up at his master, his head tilting like an observant owl. "What?" he murmured, confusion etched across his face.
"Ben," she said, her voice steadying as she tried not to come down too hard on him. "Soresu is different from the rest. It's all about defense until you see the right opening for a parry. Since you were a boy, you've struggled with meditation and patience. Rushing in too fast will get you killed."
Ben rolled his eyes, dismissing her concern as he reached for the blade. "I'll be fine," he replied nonchalantly, resuming his combat stance.
"No, you won't! Ben, why are you doing this?" Meetra implored, frustration evident in her voice. She looked at him, her eyes searching for answers.
"What are you talking about?" Ben asked, driving the blade into the ground as he faced the apparition of his former master, Meetra, shimmering in blue light.
"For days now, you've been acting like this. Trying to learn light side force powers, and now wasting time on Soresu," she pointed out.
"If I try hard enough, then maybe..."
Meetra threw her hands down in exasperation, turning away from Benjamin, unable to look at him. "No, Benjamin. I'm sorry, but no. You can't use the light side of the force, and we don't have time for you to learn a whole new form. If you were relearning Shien or Ataru, it'd be easier, it's basically retraining, but Soresu?" She said the last word with disgust, shaking her head at his foolishness.
Benjamin's eyes dropped to the dirt floor. "A Jedi... Meetra, a Jedi doesn't use the dark side of the force or seek aggression."
"A Jedi also doesn't act like an idiot," Meetra shot back.
Anger flashed across Ben's face, and he let out a hot, drunken breath, his eyes locked on his master once more. "What's your problem? I agreed to be a Jedi. I'm trying to be a Jedi Knight again. God, what do you want from me?" He threw his hands up, his voice rising and echoing through the trees.
"You're already a Jedi Knight. I appointed you, and Revan knighted you during the wars. What are you trying to prove?" Meetra pressed on, knowing she had to put an end to this dangerous path he was on.
"You can't keep acting like this, Benjamin. You're acting like a child! You can't use these forms. I get it, you want to be a Jedi, and you have some idealized version of the Jedi you want to be, but that's not how the world works, that's not how the force works."
Ben let out a frustrated grunt, turning away from his master, sheathing his blade. "God, Meetra. I know what I'm doing. I know my destiny!" he retorted, walking away from her. He was done with this. Fed up with her, the Jedi, and everyone else telling him how to live his own damn life.
"Your destiny!" She repeated, Ben walking away, trying to drown out her voice. "Your destiny... or the destiny you want to have," she shouted, her eyes shooting daggers into the back of his head. Ben's fingers curled into two steady fists as he turned back towards her, hand striking through the air.
He pointed at her, his words dripping with hate. "That's enough, Surik!" He commanded, but she didn't stop. "I know my path; I know what I have to become. I am a Jedi Knight; I have to use the light side of the force... I have to learn Soresu so I won't hurt people like the way I did before."
Meetra's mouth gaped open, hearing Benjamin say those words. She didn't realize it at first, but was Ben going to slowly kill himself to try and connect to the light side of the force or learn a lightsaber form that he held no real skill with so he wouldn't harm anyone.
He was a Jedi Knight now, and if he had to take a life, he would have to take a life. That was just the way the force dictated things at times; it was his responsibility. But it was his guilt that weighed him down now, the blood on his hands...
"So, this is what it's all about... Your guilt..." Ben turned back to meet Surik, dropping the sword to the floor with a rhythmic clink. "But that's not just it, is it, Benjamin?"
"The Council... they wanted a Jedi Knight out of you. A true warrior of the light side of the force. In their eyes, you were just a failure, they abandoned you... and Kreia disobeyed them."
She was nearly finished with training Revan, but she took you under her wing. She knew of your secret; she knew of your affinity towards the dark side of the force. I know that she gifted you holo records of Exar Kun, how you were inspired by the Sith Lord to change your single-bladed into a double-bladed. That may also explain why you don't want to bear another double-bladed weapon again," she spoke, her words cold and uncompromising as Benjamin's mouth opened to reply.
"Enough!" Benjamin commanded. Though Meetra didn't stop.
She took a step forward to the exile. His eyes still aimed at her. "...but that's not it. She taught you force lightning, and when your training was complete right before you left to join Revan and me. You challenged your two only friends, the rising stars of the Jedi order, to a duel. You bested them with your superior lightsaber skills and force abilities."
"Is that it... you're still that scared little child. Trying to appease the members of the order that turned their head to you and abandoned you. Trying to become a Jedi that they can be proud of? You won... you showed the council and the masters what you were truly capable of. How strong you really were, and in the end, you took many Mandalorian lives. You fell on Malachor and fought against your fellow Jedi. Though, you turned away from the force."
Meetra stopped walking towards Benjamin. They were close enough right now. She was close enough to smell the gin along his breath, to see the embers of sweat that still doused his body. The fire of his golden eyes peered into her ghostlike face.
"Benjamin, you can't keep living like this. You're a knight of the order once again, you can't live with all this guilt. You have to learn to forgive yourself. No... you need to forgive yourself," she whispered, putting her hand towards Benjamin. The master going to rest her hand on his shoulder, though his long hair clouded his eyes.
He took a step backward away from her, Meetra's hand falling back to her side as Ben's golden eyes stared at her like spears, ingrained with the heat of his soul as he clamped his mouth open.
"What do you know of guilt? You died and transcended. You became one with the force. You died and left the world with no regrets..." Meetra took a step backward, Ben's frame and voice exploding through the forest. "How dare you ask me to forgive... when you don't know the hell which I had to walk through, the path I needed to pave to survive."
"What do you think it is like falling to the dark side, Surik? Please tell me!" He conceded, his voice rasping and jumbled, his breathing like that of a rabid exhausted mutt as he spoke. "I did fall on Malachor V. The death and destruction of that world sent ripples throughout the force, an echo that me and all the other force sensitives felt. The echo I created when I destroyed that planet!"
Meetra's eyes widened in alarm. The images flooded back - the ships getting sniped from the sky by Mandalorian warship cannons, the com from Revan speaking of how the Mandalore was killed, and finally, how they were arranged in the trap of the mass shadow generator.
Malachor was a taboo world towards the Mandalorians. They would never have touched the surface of that world, so they planted the mass shadow generator - a powerful weapon that could level a whole planet and drag everything with it.
Meetra was the one who ordered it to be created... but it was too much. Too big of a sin for her to handle. Yet, it was her apprentice who pressed the button and ended the war.
"You forced my hand... the Republic and the Jedi were getting slaughtered, and the Mandalorians fell into our trap. You hesitated; I didn't have an option," he snapped, his words choked with emotion. "It was either the Mandalorians or us... I CHOSE US!"
Ben's fist slammed into his chest, his chest rising and falling from his heavy breaths as he didn't stop speaking. Though his anger was diminished now, his eyes were teary, and a sob rose from him as his legs crumpled, and he fell to the floor.
"I only... I only wanted to protect people. I wanted to be a knight of the Jedi Order. I listened to the tales and heard the legends. Even my mother, a Mandalorian, taught me of the time of Exar Kun," he muttered, glancing down at his scarred hands from endless battles. "What would mom... think of me now?"
"... all I just wanted to be was a hero. I wanted to fight and protect the innocent, to gain the strength so what happened to my mother wouldn't happen to anyone else. How did it come to this... When did everything go all wrong?"
Meetra didn't know what to say or do. He was having a mental breakdown, and she didn't know how to react. She knew that he needed to hear that... that maybe this could be a steppingstone for him to get better, or maybe she broke him again. Maybe, she shattered him and left him as nothing.
She shook her head, dismissing the idea. He was already broken... the world needed a Jedi. She loved Benjamin like a little brother, but there were great things at stake in this world. They couldn't afford to lose...
"Did it start when my father beat the crap out of me and Ma when he was on his drunk benders or tripping on death sticks? Did it start when Ma gave me to the Enclave, and she was executed as punishment? Did it start when I was abandoned by the light side of the force... or when Kreia's teachings of the dark side ensnared me?"
His eyes filled with tears as he stared back at Meetra. "You left me behind, I needed you... you were all I had left, and I needed someone to understand, I needed someone to talk to."
Meetra took a deep breath. He was right... he needed her. It didn't excuse him of some of his actions, but why did she not take him with her? She knew that Benjamin would have followed wherever she went.
Was it because he was still connected to the force? Was it because she felt that she was too broken to handle it... or how she wouldn't be able to train someone with the force when she had gone completely blind to it?
"Benjamin, I was broken. I cut myself off from the force because of the echo. I couldn't handle it," she confessed.
"HOW DO YOU THINK I HANDLED IT!" He screamed, his finger pointing to his chest as Meetra avoided his angry glare. "I WAS ONLY TWELVE YEARS OLD, AND I KILLED LEGIONS OF MANDALORIANS. DO YOU THINK I WAS OKAY? WHAT DID YOU EXPECT OF ME, MEETRA!"
"Well, I'm sorry I couldn't go back to being that cheerful kid at the Enclave. How did you expect me to be normal after killing someone?" Benjamin screamed, his voice trailing through the forest. Even Appa roared in annoyance.
Ben's breathing was raspy, but after a second, it began to ease up. He got up, wiping his face as he walked to the tree line. He put back on his shirt as he grabbed the bottle of gin.
Memories...
He uncorked the bottle. He jammed the dark liquid down his throat, nearly choking on it, but he didn't care. The warmth filled his insides and freed him, making him feel happy. The warm sting tickled his throat, but it was the looming presence of the memories and thoughts that were going away that made him feel good.
Meetra and he didn't speak. She didn't stop him from finishing the bottle, and he didn't reply until it was finished. His eyes were narrowed, and the smell of cheap liquor radiated from his form.
"Revan and Malak. They were the ones that took me under their wing when you left me behind," he spoke, shocking Meetra as her eyes went to her former apprentice.
The bottle clattered along the dirt floor. His palm swiping the brown gin from his lips as he continued speaking.
"They arranged us on Korriban, the home of the ancient Sith. I didn't know at first what was going to happen, I was still believing... or maybe ignorant of what was to come. I still thought that Revan was going to build his new Jedi Order. What a fool I was..." Ben's fingers combed through his hair. How much of an idiot was he... how could he have not realized that Revan and Malak were warped by the years of war? How could he not have felt the dark side within them?
"It started out small... little things. Revan would come to my room and talk to me about stuff, I was able to speak about my issues. About my hate. Revan would gift me stuff." A small smirk appeared on his face, a pleasant memory of his time on Korriban. The time where he deluded himself that this was the start of Revan's new Jedi Order. How much of a fool he was? "I began to seep into my own inner hatred. Revan and maybe Malak knew of this. It didn't take long for my skin to grow paler, for the veins on my hands to start slowly going black and make their way towards my neck, it didn't take long for my eyes to turn that orange glow of the true Sith."
Power... at a cost. That was what the dark side was truly like, especially on dark side nexuses. He didn't want to remember... but that power he felt, made the changes worth it. "Revan and Malak eased me into it. Into the intricacy of Sith Lore," he spoke, shaking his head as the memories began to come, pushing forth from the deepest parts of his head. "By the time I was fourteen, I was seeping in the dark side of the force; it had consumed me to the point where nothing mattered. My hate and rage were all I had left. I don't know what I can do anymore, Meetra. I don't know who or what I am meant to be, I am so confused. Jedi or Sith... Hero or Conqueror... I don't know." He confessed.
A part of him wanted to use the dark side of the force again... just today he was looking for an excuse to just hit something with force lightning. He was looking for a reason; it was disgusting. He was like a drug addict trying to find their next fix.
At this point... he felt more confused than ever as he tried to find his meaning in the force. "I can still feel it, Meetra... the black berserker rage that is within me. It's like a battered dog with a bite of venom, it sinks into my skin and refuses to let me go. I don't know what to do anymore... It gets stronger, I tried to keep it contained with this pit of alcohol and drugs. Even then, as time passes, it gets worse, it gets stronger and stronger."
Meetra heard his story. She knew that he left some stuff voided. That he exempted some stuff, maybe he would never tell her the full truth. Maybe, he would take it with him to his grave and not make peace with it.
What he had done during the Jedi Civil War and why he eventually left Revan's Sith Order. Though, right now wasn't the time. He had to learn from his mistakes and grow up. He needed to adapt and change.
"Benjamin, I don't know what to tell you. I can't just say sorry, this is my fault... I failed you as a master, as a teacher, and as a friend. You were like a little brother to me, and I left you behind. I should have taken you with me to the outer rim worlds that I ran to for exile... you were only a child; I should have stopped you before you left with us for the war."
Ben turned around towards her. The young exile and his former master coming face to face once again as they both held the burden of their sins.
Isolation... it erodes us. It doesn't make us stronger; it weakens us and prevents us from getting the help we need," Ben sucked his lip, visibly annoyed. Annoyed that his master was once again lecturing him to just accept what he is, angry at how easy she was trying to make this sound.
"Benjamin, I need you to let go of everything. Of your hate... your rage... your guilt and your fear. That is the only way you can move forward and become the man you need to become!"
"I CAN'T, GODDAMNIT!"
"Benjamin, you can't keep doing this. You can't run away from your problems... you can't get drunk or smoke when the world comes crashing down on you. I know it's bad, I know how much of a hell it must have been for you. Though, you do not have the luxury right now to feel bad about yourself... you can't do shitty things or lash out at others for trying to help you or understand what is going on and feel bad about yourself so you could further squirm in your self-loathing."
"YOU NEED TO BE BETTER... YOU CAN'T STRIVE TO BE THE JEDI YOU WISH TO BECOME. YOU NEED TO BECOME THE JEDI YOU HAVE TO BECOME."
"I'm sorry, I just..."
"No... Benjamin, please don't apologize. I get what happened, but right now you need to make a choice on your next move. You need to decide the type of man you want to be."
That was when something caught Ben's eye. A strange lemur flying through the air as the creature landed in front of him. Its strange eyes staring into his own, like it was observing his soul. "Freaky animal... Meetra, are you seeing this shit?"
Meetra glanced over towards her apprentice. He took a knee down, a strange feeling welling in his chest. "Why do I feel like you are trying to tell me something?"
Ben's eyes trained overhead, he could see smoke. His eyes widened as he began to cut through the forest. "Ben, where are you going?" Meetra screamed after him, but he didn't stop.
The fallen branches and rocks cut into his bare feet. The long branches extended like arms from the tree limbs slapped and sliced through his bare chest as he felt the force well up in his legs.
'A bad feeling...'
It plagued his thoughts as the lemur creature flew behind him. Those three people from before, those three people who were his friends. 'They're fine, they have to be fine... I didn't...'
Those other warm lights, those two warm lights which he abandoned long ago. 'No, it's not like that. I didn't...'
He pushed through the clearing of the forest. The stench of smoke clouding his nostrils as his eyes glossed over his surroundings. He could see the destroyed buildings, the smoke and embers still rising from them, even as the rain began to slowly douse and cloud the beach, the smoke tickled and tried to reach high.
Ben's eyes widened. A mound of corpses decorated the square of the town. They were scorched and their limbs were strewn all around, the burn marks of stubs... obvious signs of a lightsaber blade.
"No!" Ben pounded his feet through the dirt, making his way towards the beach. His eyes frenzied and red as he collapsed at the edge of the shore. The rough waves of the sea reached his kneecaps as he watched the two Fire Nation warships depart.
"I did it... again."
"Why?" They wanted to help. Even as he was being an asshole to them, all they wanted to do was help. They wanted to know more about him to help, and what did he do?
"What the fuck is going on... I had them in my grasp... I'm once again repeating the same shit?"
He let them go... he abandoned them when he needed them the most. Just like the two people he abandoned when he followed Revan to war.
"Again, I am realizing it. AGAIN, WHEN IT'S SLIPPED FROM MY HANDS. EVEN AFTER LOSING IT, I'M ONLY NOTICING RIGHT NOW!"
Katara wanted to help... but he pushed her away. Aang gave him the space he needed, and he ignored him. Sokka tried to talk man to man, and he walked away!
"Not even realizing that it slipped free from my grasp."
"Not yet... no, there is still time! I can save them... I can make amends. I can fight and fix this mistake."
"This won't be like how it was with Trissal and Shan. I promise you; I won't abandon you like the way I did before. I'll make sure... and fight for you!"