Author Note: Thanks everyone for reading this chapter and I greatly appreciate it all! Please remember to follow, favorite, and review it greatly helps with my motivation. Have a wonderful and awesome day!

Chapter 27

Numbness…

That was the singular word that came into Ben's head. The weightless feeling of his body, limp like a corpse as he laid on that bed. Finally parting his eyes open for what felt like forever. His golden eyes traced the ceiling of the igloo he was in, as his bare skin was touched upon the cold air of the southern water tribe.

His body was numb, completely numb. He didn't have any strength at all. Only the feeling of the force could stir him forward. He wanted to sleep, to drive himself deeper into that deep pit. Yet, something was deep inside of him. Lurching for him to move…

His hair was in disarray, tendrils and loose curls decorating his face. Hair down to his neck, and even the facial hair of a stubble beard had grown over his face. 'How long have I been out?' He questioned. Trying to strain his neck, only to slouch it once again onto the mattress.

He strained forward, kicking his legs as his bare feet hovered over the ground. With a final kick he landed on the paved floor. His feet touched upon it, only for him to crash a second later. His body crumpling to the floor as he threw up both hands to halt his fall…only for one hand to be seen.

Ben collapsed, his head hammering as his rasped breath vibrated in his ears. Curling the fingers on his right hand. Legs felt like jelly, his body and fingertips felt numb as he tried to hold himself up.

He raised his left arm…or what was meant to be his left arm, and he felt sick looking at it. His mind boggled as he stared at it, blinking twice to make sure if it was a dream. That somehow, he had just imagined everything, yet it was still there.

This world was primitive, and even Ben knew that his arm was damaged beyond belief. Even if it was recovered, he doubted that they had the recourses or medical knowhow to reattach it. He glossed over to his left, sickened by it. Wrapped up in bandages, a nub. He was an amputee now, a cripple. Tears began to well up, dripping down as they cascaded down his face. Going on his knees as his right hand went to his wound.

He could still feel it, the sing of the lightsaber burning through him. The purple glare it had created, how that Sith Lord used his own weapon against him, and casted him into the river like a piece of trash. He was worried of his dueling skills after losing a couple of fingers from Kiara, but how was he meant to recover from this!

How could he be a true Jedi now? He had failed in besting the Sith, and he was damaged in the process. No, it was far worse than that. His right arm trailing the messy tendrils of his hair, his back going into the bed as he stared in front of him. 'No, it was worse than that…because I died!'

Even his thoughts freaked him out, the cause of what happened to him dragging him back into reality. He was gone, he was going to be one with the force. It was only due to Jet's unique abilities that saved him. He dug into himself, a disgrace he had allowed himself to become.

He knew what Jet had done…he lashed onto the dark side of the force and used an ability to drag him back. It had helped save him, but in the end the cost was not worth it. He could feel it, the taint of the dark side that was within Jet, it was so risky, and he had done it without thinking! Jet could've fell or became something far less. He didn't want that for his students, he wasn't worth them losing what made them human!

Yet, he allowed it! Ben felt guilt, festering guilt swarm him at what he had nearly caused. The world didn't need another dark jedi, and in the end he nearly created one. What of him now?

He was a cripple; how could he hold a lightsaber? How could he climb? How could he function without an arm? If only he was stronger, if only he was more powerful, than he would have bested that Sith! Who would respect him now…all he would get would be looks of pity, a failure? A failure as a man...a warrior…a Jedi.

'…but was I ever a Jedi?' The though erupted, unexpected but warranted. He thought back to those moments in his life. Not from his time in the galaxy but the time he had spent in this world. His mantra, using the dark side, and his relationship with the old ancient spirits. Ulic and Exar…and his master. All telling him conflicting ideologies and legends surrounding the force.

Yet, to Ben. It was all simple. Light side and Dark side, merely just tools to be used. Ben got up, pushing himself off the floor as he thought of those words. A singular sentence, it gave him strength due to its simplicity. The other Jedi…light side or dark side would call him a fool, believing that the will of the force couldn't be categorized so simply. Yet, it gave him strength to believe that.

Maybe they were right. He wasn't Jedi or Sith…merely just playing pretend. It felt good, but he was merely a warrior with the force. He held hatred towards both sides and both ideologies and didn't want a thing to do with them. He glossed over towards his right. The place in which he first woke up after his first battle with that same Sith Lord.

His lightsaber was gone, the piece of himself that he had created…the Jedi weapon was taken from him and used against him by that same Sith Lord. The robes were on the table, his eyes widened at the sight of them.

They were repaired…yet saying they were repaired would be something else entirely. They were remade, holding the overall design but incorporating a deeper red fabric. Ben's right hand instinctively went towards it. Yet…

He stopped, his fingers clenching into a fist as he thrusted his arm back to his side. Shaking his head as he remarked on his prior thoughts. 'Not a jedi.' He thought, he was sick of being what his masters and others said he was.

He thought too much, acted on his emotions and not his thoughts and he wanted to change that. So, he decided against it. He would use the force; he was merely a guy with cool force powers and a light…without a lightsaber for the time being.

He emptied out a cold breath as he parted the veil from the igloo. Pushing his muscular frame through the opening as he began to view the large city. After the fire nations attack, the last visage of what he saw was in rubble. Yet, the city held a new life to it.

Large canopies were draped over destroyed buildings, scaffolding covered construction projects and new undertakings. Ben watched from afar, scratching at his newfound beard. That was the moment when Ben began to realize what had happened. With widened eyes, fear taking his heart as he muttered those words into the air. "How long have I been out?"

Footsteps paved into the snow as he turned around. "Katara…" He slowly spoke, the girl staring at him like a ghost. She had lost her braids, her long hair flowing freely down her back as he watched her. Tears in her eyes as she dropped the bag of medicine and ran into him, nearly crumpling him over. Her arms wrapping around him in a vice like grip as he was merciless against her will.

He would've kidded around or said something, but he was far too shellshocked. The only thing he could do was press his good arm around her back. Feeling the tears along his bare chest as he began to separate from her. "Katara." He once again repeated her name.

"Ben, it's been so long…we thought that you were never going to wake up." She said, wiping the tears with the palm of her hand. His thoughts going towards her words.

Only able to squeeze past them in a matter of seconds. "Katara…how long have I been asleep."

"A month and a half!" Benjamin's voice traveled through the igloo as team avatar followed through. Explaining to him the circumstances of what had happened. Even though Katara and Aang had mastered water bending he was still injured, instead of leaving him behind they decided to stay with him until he was healed.

Helping out with the effort to rebuild the city. The effects of the fire nation and the Sith had destroyed it, leaving it nearly in rubble. Yet, with the help of team avatar, they were at least able to steadily recover.

Ben's good hand went to his face, resting the stump on his leg as he parted his lips to speak. "Why did you wait so long. Did you all forget that we have that massive commit. In a full year time, the fire nation is going to put an end to this war. Why did you stay here for so long…Aang should of at least had the basics of Earthebending at the very least!"

Team avatar shuttered uncomfortably in place. "Well, we didn't want to leave you, Ben." Aang said. "You were in a coma. We weren't…"

"You should've…" Ben snapped back, his tone taking them aback. His face scrunched up; he was a fool, but this was idiotic at the very least. They had less than a year for him to master all the elements and then to stop the fire nation and the Sith.

Not only that they needed money, equipment, allies, and Ben needed to get stronger with the force. He glossed down at his missing limb, shifting uncomfortably as he wretched his eyes from it a second later. "Come on, guys. We don't have all the time in the world just to screw around. Seriously, I am up, and we need to…"

Ben grimaced; eyes widened as his heart hammered along his chest. Sweat bearing down his skin as his right arm wrenched along his left arm. Pain, it was impossible…

Coming from his left arm, the place in which it was missing His eyes wide and feral as he started to see it all around him. Flashing at him like the cold gulf of a spring as his throat was caught. The searing heat of the violet lightsaber blade cleave through his arm and through his chest. Only to be…

A warm sensation overtook him, Katara's hands steeped in her water bending casting over his back as he felt the pain starting to drift away. "Phantom pain, that was what the healers mentioned that you may experience."

Katara's voice hummed as Ben's eyes began to narrow, the exhaustion and pain starting to wind through him as he didn't know what else to say or do. "Thank you." He simply spoke, know other words could have come out of his mouth to describe the way he felt or the way he was feeling at this very second.

The pain began to go away, but Ben knew it would come back. As he glossed down at the stub of what remained of his arm and as he remarked on the pain of death…he knew that nothing in this world would be the same.

Ben wore a heavy robe over his shoulders. Struggling to tie it along his waist as the bitter wind chipped into his face, his beard providing a monetary defense against the cold. Ben glossed at his apprentice, Jet. The young apprentice held his cyan bladed lightsaber in both hands as he readied himself in his proper lightsaber form.

"Ben I…"

"Quiet…" Ben spoke, rendering his apprentice mute. They didn't have time for this, with the loss of his arm Jet would have to grow stronger. From what Katara had spoken to him about, he had learned that for a short time Haru had overseen and taught Jet a couple of techniques. One of these was a couple of light side abilities and two lightsaber forms. The Soresu form, and Ataru.

"Ataru!" Ben screamed. Jet tightening his hold along his lightsaber as he thrown himself into his combat stance. Ben cracked his neck, rolling the waves of exhaustion from his body. Trying to keep himself steady. The numbness in his fingers were still there, his legs still felt wobbly. He needed this workout more than Jet.

Ben glossed over to the item in his right hand, a lightsaber. Not his, but a lightsaber of one of the fallen dark jedi that Ben killed a couple of months prior. Due to the destruction Aang caused in the avatar state and likewise the destruction of the fire nation had destroyed already so much…Jet was only able to scrounge out this blade from the rubble.

Ben ignited the weapon, the recoil in his hands as the crimson blade shot freely from the emitter. Red, the symbol of the Sith. He slowly moved the lightsaber blade through the air as he got used to the unfamiliar feeling caused from the hilt. 'Not my weapon…but I must use it, only for a short time.'

Those thoughts were in his head, but his body recoiled from those actions. It was disgusting, to use a fallen Sith's weapon, and it was disgraceful for his own weapon to be stolen by the Sith Lord that has bested him so many times.

His heart hammered along his rib cage. Throwing himself into the proper Shien form as he tried to throw himself into the wave of force energy. He could feel it, like a whisper and he tried to fixate on it. Yet, his feet were in disarray and his mind was far than concluded.

Haru's Note

A scroll that rested on his desk. Ben couldn't open it, and he was far too afraid to. He lashed outwards with the force, sending him in a somersault as Jet ducked against his blow. Ben reeling his feet as he thrusted out his crimson bladed weapon, only for it to be parried back by Jet.

Haru was his student, and he was far too much of a coward to read what was inside. He knows of Haru's issues, of the guilt he felt towards his father, and the darkness that was within him. Ben leaped over Jet, slashing downward only to be repelled, doing a clumsy landing into the snow.

"Ben!" Jet screamed out in worry. He had only been up for a couple of hours, and he was doing all this! Running towards him. Only for Ben to lash out his arm. A blast of force energy throwing Jet onto his back.

"What are you doing…" Ben chuckled, the hum of both blades stirring as Ben fixated on his apprentice. "The exercise is far from over…"

They continued like that for half an hour. The hum and flurry of two lightsaber blades extending throughout the enclosure, until Ben unignited the weapon. Both men building up a heavy amount of sweat along their brows as they attached there respective weapons to their belts.

Ben's arm may have been gone, but his apprentices were still strong and ready for the battle ahead. He may die young, but he won't leave behind darkness to rule this world. So, with those words, he patted Jet on the back and led him through the field, two Jedi…against the darkness of this world.

Ben laid on his back as three WaterTribe doctors examined him. The lantern light they had taken produced an orange glow over his skin as Katara watched from afar. Their voices were patronizing, there gazes loomed over him too long, and he had decided that he hated doctors.

"What are you doing?" Benjamin questioned too harshly. The doctor with a piece of measuring tape recoiling back from the harsh words.

"Measurements, for your new arm." He answered honestly. The main continuing as Ben let out a gust of air from his nostrils. He already had an arm, wretched from him unfairly and he had no wish to be put together with something else.

He wasn't a hunk of wood, he wasn't a machine…he was a human, or did a piece of humanity leave him when he lost his arm? There was no other way for him to change, there was no other way for him to adapt. Hell, having a piece of wood that couldn't properly grip anything would be for nothing. A hunk of wood that was useless!

He snarled at his thoughts, too bitter as he wanted to leave. His eyes tracing all over his surroundings as beads of sweat went down the sides of his face. It was confusing to him, and he didn't like this. He didn't like the doctors staring at him, he didn't like Katara's eyes that looked at him…whether they be pity or happiness that he could be a person again. He didn't care. The doctor lightly prodded along the scarred skin as Ben grunted, a flair of pain skyrocketing through him as the fingers on his right hand dug into the base of his palm. The doctor beckoned to the nurses. Wheeling out a piece of wood, harbored to look like an arm.

"No…" Ben spoke up. Lurching his back upwards, his right arm going to his scarred skin. Lightly fondling the wound as he gazed at the doctor. He threw his legs over the cot.

Katara got up, walking over towards Ben. "Ben, this is just temporary. For saving the water tribe city, the chieftain had an arm completely constructed for you."

Katara's voice was money, soft and soothing…almost like talking to a child. Ben wasn't himself, and he didn't realize that Katara was speaking like herself, rather he interpreted out of pity…like he was a child, and he didn't know what was good for him.

Ben's right hand went towards the object. The arm splitting in half as it was compacted within itself. "Tell the chieftain, that I appreciate the arm. But I would rather money."

After those words he kicked himself from the cot. In a hurry as he pushed through the veil, dropping the destroyed arm as it collapsed to the ground with a dull hum. Pushing through the veil. Ben was greeted by the cold night and the bright moon of the evening.

Katara followed. Both standing for a second…almost like they did at the start of the day. "Ben, what's going on?"

"What's going on..." He chuckled, rasped and uncertain. Turning towards her. "Are you kidding me…my arm is gone!"

His voice roared throughout the cityscape, Katara instinctively backing up from the weight of his voice. His eyes drawn forward as he felt his heart hammer along his chest. "I've failed, I though everything was going all right. I thought that before we could have just screwed around and now…we had a time constraint this whole time, and I have failed, not just here but everyone!"

Ben's palm went into his face. His arm, his lightsaber, his robes…but those were physical things. Things that weren't controlled by the will of the force, the force didn't do that to him or screwed him over in the long run. It was all him.

He lost it all because he hesitated in killing Kiara, because he hesitated in striking down his enemy. If he just killed her the first time they met, if he just learned to control the dark side of the force then maybe everything would've been easier.

The Sith would have not learned that the Jedi still live, and their lives would've been way easier. Even his relations and ideologies have been slowly starting to shift, he had no real clue who he was anymore…all of those people, all of those voices.

Ulic, Meetra, Exar…

Those damn remnants of the past that hassled him, those that have died and had their time to shine but they still wish to interfere. All he wanted to do was to be left alone and to help his friends. Yet, he was shouldered by responsibility. Responsibility to the Jedi Order, to his comrades, and now to the force!

He didn't know what to do…or even who he was anymore. Katara, she didn't know what else to do. She could tell that he was struggling but this was different from all the other times. He was closed off, and a quick hug wasn't going to do anything. "Ben, I need to know what is bothering you. Seriously, tell me what's wrong."

With those words, Ben had a choice. He could talk to his friend…he could let her in on his secret and his fears. He could rely on them. He could tell them of his fears of what Haru is starting to become, his fears of the time constraints, and his looming fear of what he was now.

As he turned towards her and stared into those bright dark blue eyes. Parting his dried lips, his hand shook. Squinting as he clenched his teeth back, shaking his head. "No…" He solemnly whispered as he turned away from the waterbender.

He was a man, and he still held his pride…he was a coward, a fool, and his friends pitied him. Yet, they didn't. All in his head and he refused to admit it, to give into his emotions and talk to those that loved him and welcomed him. Rather, he deluded himself into believing that he was alone…and he needed to take the blunt of the responsibility, because he was the leader. He would figure out what was wrong with him, and he would fix it…

'Hell, I think, I may have an idea…'

Ben walked away from her, Katara with her arm raised and speechless as the boy vanished. Her brother coming towards her. Hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, Katara. Ben's dealing with his own personal battle. Right now, all we can do is help him."

"How so?" She questioned, turning towards her brother. Raising his shoulders as he softly shook his head in response.

She kneeled. "I want to help him, but if he doesn't tell us what's wrong then how can we?"

Still, with those final words Appa's roar rose throughout the town. The large bison soaring overhead. The two WaterTribe siblings staring in pure shock as Appa vanished into the clouds and road along the waves of the fresh moon light.

Ben sat down, his lone arm holding the reins as he fixated ahead. His head was a mess, and his mind was far than concluded. He needed to center himself, and to do that he needed to go back to where it all began to put his mind to rest. To go to a place rich with the dark side of the force to get the answer he seeked.

Clarity…and maybe something more. Ben's golden eyes glossed down to his pocket. Shifting uncomfortably at the weight of the Sith Holocron in his pocket. He had questions for Exar, and he needed answers. One of them would hopefully find him a way to fix his arm situation. With the powers of the dark side of the force, anything was possible.

Ben stared ahead, always moving forward as he rode through the waves of moonlight as the brutal wind whipped into his face, but he didn't shield himself. It gave him strength, it made him feel…alive. There was no other greater feeling.

As Ben rode through the skies, he felt something…strange, welling up in his chest. In his time in this world, he tried to abandon the force but, in the end, decided that he should take it up again. He searched for the truth, to find out what the force truly was…if it was merely just tools, but in the end, it was just fruitless. Trying to comprehend something so vast, something that couldn't be controlled was the thinking of a mad man.

He tried to be good…he tried to not use the dark side of the force, but the Dark Forces here, were far too strong and needed something far more than what he could've done.

There will always be Benjamin, the Jedi Apprentice. The one that fought in the Mandalorian wars to avenge his mother, to settle a score that the Mandalorians started, the one who argued and held a hatred towards the Jedi Order. Yet, the Jedi part of him. He would deny that he did it all just for that…because in the end he did want to save others, he did want to be a hero.

There will always be Benjamin, the Sith Marauder. The one that fought in the Jedi Civil War. The one that murdered and slaughtered waves of Jedi at the heed of his master. A slave to Revan and the dark side of the force, the Ben that savored in killing his opponents and took glee in slaughtering them. Only to feel disgusted when he was forced to look back at his actions and forced to take the life of the man that had his mind…concluded.

Benjamin, a Jedi Watchman. A dark side adept that had lost everything and now tried to seek redemption in saving this world from the clutches of the Fire Nation. Even so that was all in the past, those moments and experiences were still in him.

Because when he closes his eyes…Fire Nation, Mandalorians, Jedi and Dark Jedi, would scream as Ben's lightsabers would take their lives. Moments he would be forced to relive till the end of his days, moments he believed would banish him from redemption.

As he rode through the moonlight, as those hours began to sink as he pushed onwards. He cupped his mouth, drinking gleefully from the moon. 'What had I become? Not a Jedi…Not a Sith. Something far less…but also…'

Something More

…and for once in his life, the thoughts began to ease up. He was not free, but he was concluded. He wasn't a Jedi or a Sith. He was merely a man and maybe, just maybe. That was all anyone ever had to be…