Chapter 5: Starts and Ends

"Home sweet home," Buffy said as she entered the house, finally having been deemed healthy enough to leave the hospital. "And a clean home, too."

"We're going to be having dinner later," Dawn said.

"Good, I was worried the food would run out," Buffy teased with a smile.

"No, we're going to have people over for dinner!" Dawn clarified.

"Who's coming?" she asked.

"All of Angel's group, um, Oz is coming today, and… I was thinking we could have Spike over?"

"No," Buffy said immediately.

"Why not?' Dawn asked.

"It's just…" Buffy took a deep breath. Dawn didn't know anything. "Spike and I aren't getting along right now."

Dawn looked annoyed, but nodded.

"I thought you guys would get over not getting along."

"I'll explain later," Buffy said, with no intention of doing so. "So," she said, changing the subject. "What are we making for dinner, then?"

†

The dinner was in full swing when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Buffy said, standing up from her spot near the end of the table and making her way to the front hall.

She opened the door tense, mentally preparing herself for the idea it might be Spike. At least he hadn't visited her at the hospital. She could actually punch him here.

To her pleasant surprise, it wasn't Spike, but Clem.

"Hi," she said, not quite sure what else to say.

"Hi," he responded. "I heard about Willow, and just wanted to stop by and say I'm sorry for your loss."

Buffy gave him a bitter-sweet smile. "Thank you." She heard someone's laugh sneak over from the dining room. "Do you– we're having a big dinner now, and we have the room if you wanted to join us?"

Clem gave her a genuine smile. "That would be great!"

†

Clem was welcomed into the group easily enough, even if Connor did give him a weird look or two. Tara herself gave a small wave, but was far enough away from him she didn't feel compelled to join into his conversation, even though she could hear it just fine.

"Have you seen Spike recently?"

Dawn's question, though innocently asked, caused a flicker of worry to settle in Tara's stomach when she saw the negative expressions that formed on Buffy's and Xander's faces.

"Oh, he's out of town right now."

"Really?" Buffy unconsciously perked up, a smile starting to form, and Tara's worry turned to dread. When Buffy had seen Spike and Anya together through the camera at the Magic Box, she had been upset. Something had to have happened for the reaction to change so completely.

"I'm crypt-sitting for him right now. Sweet pad like his goes empty for a few days, it's gone for sure."

"Do you know when he'll be back?" Dawn's expression was the exact opposite of her sister's, with disappointment and only slight hope.

Clem shook his head, his wrinkles jiggling slightly. "No. He only said that he might be a while."

Making a mental note to talk with Buffy soon, Tara turned back to her meal. She reached for the salt shaker they had placed on her side of the table, only for her fingers to bump into someone else's.

She blushed, and started to pull her hand back. "Sorry."

Oz shook his head. "You go ahead."

She felt her hair slip out from behind her ears, and she pulled back the strands before grabbing the salt, sprinkling it over her vegetables before she handed it over to Oz.

"Thanks."

She looked at him while he shook the shaker. His hair was slightly longer than she remembered, with fringe hanging over his forehead, but it looked to be about the same color.

"Where do you live?"

He looked up, a mild look of surprise on his face. "Connecticut," he responded. "There's a group of werewolves there that had a few things to teach me."

"D-did you figure it out?"

He thought for a moment. "Sort of. It's better now."

Tara nodded, and picked at the chicken on her plate.

"Could-" she cut herself off, looking back down.

"What?"

She hesitated. "Could you tell me more about it?"

He nodded. "Really strong emotions still lead to a change, but I'm sort of in control when I transform." He paused for a moment. "It's easier for me to feel the wolf, though."

"L-like the better sense of smell?"

He frowned as he nodded again. "I'm sorry about what happened when we first met."

Tara shrugged. "It was pretty obvious you didn't mean to. But thank you."

"So, how's Sunnydale been?"

"Pretty boring after Buffy came back." She sort of wanted to tell him about the trio of nerds, but that would mean she'd have to talk about Warren.

He nodded. "That's good."

"Yeah."

†

It was late when everyone left the house. Angel's group had left last, and after saying goodbye, Buffy made her way back to the dining room and started gathering the plates. Tara silently joined in.

They moved to the kitchen and were in the middle of washing them when Tara finally spoke.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened with Spike?"

Buffy stopped mid-plate, the water from the faucet running over her mother's company tableware.

"How could you tell?"

She shrugged, and continued drying her plate. "Your face."

Buffy looked down at the plate again, before continuing to scrub it.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I won't tell anyone."

Buffy gave her a smile. "I know. But… you have your own problems to deal with right now." She handed over the plate for Tara to dry it. "And honestly? I'd rather just not think about it."

†

Spike lay on the ground, motionless. The trials he had faced had been painful, but it would be worth it. The demon from the cave was in front of him now, though he could barely tell through the darkness of the cave.

"You have endured the required trials."

"Bloody well right I have." He slowly rolled over, his injuries burning as he pushed himself up onto his knees. "So you'll give me what I want. Make me what I was. So Buffy can get what she deserves."

"Very well." The demon's eyes glowed a bright green, and Spike watched him, feeling slightly nervous. "We will return…" His hand reached out. "...your soul."

The hand touched his chest, and Spike felt a bright hot light burn him from the inside out as he screamed, before blacking out.

†

Spike woke up outside the cave, his body more sore than ever. But he barely felt it. All the people he had killed, all the violence he had caused… And he had been so proud of it.

And Buffy…

Why had he done that? What had he been thinking?

But he knew what he had been thinking. He just hadn't cared.

Was this what Angel had felt like? How was he still sane?

He laid there the rest of the night, his victims faces intruding on his thoughts as he desperately tried to forget them. It was only when the sky turned lighter that he was finally able to pull himself into a different cave, relying entirely on his desire to apologize to Buffy.

The rest of him didn't care about getting away from the sun.

Considering the emotional dump that keeps pouring on everyone, I figured they could probably use a calm night. And Clem got to join in! I admit that was mostly so everyone would know Spike was out of town, but I like him.

Tara and Oz finally talk face to face, and I kind of love writing their interactions. Oz has made progress controlling the wolf (since it has been two years), and Tara's gained enough confidence that she feels comfortable enough to ask about it.

And Spike! Although he never really spends much time brooding over his past (because that's far too much like Angel), he still had to think about it enough to turn crazy by the beginning of Season 7, and it would feel wrong if he didn't have at least one giant guilt-fest.