I fit a lot more in to this chapter than originally intended. I hope you enjoyed reading it, any favorite parts you might have had are encouraged to be mentioned.
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Dipper and Pacifica made their trek towards Edna's cottage, although the atmosphere was a little less professional than Dipper would have liked.
"Oh quit pouting! With any luck, this won't take too long!"
"I am not pouting! I just don't like this woman, that's all."
"Well that's fine. You are free to hate her as much as you want, just don't let it interfere with the job. We're supposed to be professionals so put the hostilities on ice."
Pacifica sighed in defeat. "Fine...what is she supposed to be anyways? You said she wasn't human, so what is she? A gorgon or something?"
"HA! Yeah, I wish she was something that simple! If she was a gorgon this case would already be closed."
"Then what is she?"
Dipper and Pacifica were almost on top of the cottage now, but Pacifica had been dragging behind slightly. Maybe it was because she was confused on what Edna actually was, or maybe it was because she really didn't want anymore interaction with her, but it certainly wasn't because she was enjoying a nice peaceful walk with Dipper without some crazy monster thing chasing them.
Dipper walked up the cottage steps. "To put it simply..." He knocked on the door three times. "She's a witch."
Pacifica barely had any time to react to this new information before the door opened up.
Opening the door, Edna seemed to be in a very irritated move...until she saw Dipper. "Dipper Pines, I was hoping you'd come to vis..."
Her mood turned sour as soon as she spotted Pacifica at the bottom of the steps. "Oh. You're with 'her'."
"That's right. Mind if we come in and ask you some questions?"
She gave him a playful smile.
"All business as usual, eh? Well YOU are welcome in my humble abode at anytime Dipper, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask that you keep your Dumb Blonde outside!"
"Hey!" snapped Pacifica.
"I'm afraid that's out of the question. Me and Sweetheart over there work as a team. It's either all of us or none of us."
"Sweetheart?!" Edna had practically screeched the word making Dipper flinch while Pacifica smirked triumphantly. "That dumb blonde like that isn't worthy of your time! She's trash, Dipper!"
Pacifica glared at Edna for the insult but it was nothing compared to the daggers Dipper was giving her.
"Listen, ya Sanderson Sister Knock Off..." Even Pacifica was surprised by how dangerous Dipper's tone suddenly shifted. "Who I work with and who I choose to spend my time with is my choice! She's my friend and quite frankly I can't say the same for you! I'm not here for you, I'm here to solve a case! Nothing more, nothing less! However, if all you're going to do is flirt with me and insult my friend then it's clear that we're wasting both of our time here! Now did you see anything strange this time around or not?!"
Edna closed the door a little hiding behind it but with her face just barely poking out behind her. The icy cold stare she gave him spoke volumes as she stated a single word. "No."
Dipper raised his hat to her making sure to never break eye contact with her. "Then I thank you for your time!"
Without a second word he turned around and marched down the steps. "Come on Pacifica, let's get out of here!"
"What about questioning?"
"I've heard enough from that woman!"
As Edna watched Dipper and Pacifica disappear back in to the woods, she clenched her fist making her nails dug in to the wood of the door. "I will make you mine, Dipper Pines!"
Back in the forest, Dipper was having very little luck finding any clues. His bad mood only got worse as the search for clues continued to bear no fruit.
"You know Dipper..." Pacifica started. "You're kind of a hypocrite."
"Huh?" Dipper turned to face her for the first time since their march back in to the forest. "How am I a hypocrite?"
"You tell me to stay professional and to put away my hostilities, but when she starts insulting me that's when YOU lose it. I mean, I thought for sure you were going to slug her in the jaw there for a moment."
Dipper avoided her gaze. "Oh yeah...I'm sorry Pacifica, you're right. I guess I am a hypocrite. I get mad when somebody insults me but when somebody insults someone I care for then I lose my temper."
"Don't be sorry Dipper, I'm glad to have a friend who is willing to stick up for me!"
The two smiled at each other and Dipper found his mood beginning to lighten up. "Thanks Pacifica. Now come on, let's find some clues."
She followed him three steps behind, happy to have improved the atmosphere. "So what's first?"
Her answer came not from Dipper, but from his stomach. A loud stomach growl indicated that Dipper Pines was starting to pay for his choice of skipping breakfast.
Pacifica laughed a little. "How about we get some of those groceries you were talking about?"
"Uh..." Dipper suddenly seemed a little flustered about his predicament. "How about we just have lunch break instead?"
Pacifica stared at him silently, as if waiting for him to continue.
"I just hate to leave a job unfinished just so I can...'shop'. I usually save that stuff for when the case is closed."
"Jeez Dipper, don't you ever take a day off?"
Dipper scrunched his face in confusion, as if the idea was some type of strange foreign concept.
"D-Dai Oooofff?"
Pacifica laughed at Dipper's mispronunciation of the words, it reminded her of the first time Mabel had introduced her to sharing.
'It's almost kind of cute.' she thought.
"Come on Mr. Detective, you can't think on an empty stomach."
As Pacifica walked in the direction back to town, Dipper stood staring at her retreating form. He looked over his shoulder at the rest of the forest and then back at Pacifica before coming to a decision.
"Pacifica, wait up!"
Dipper and Pacifica had found a place to eat at Jack's Diner. They had found a table and a waitress brought them over a couple of menus.
It had a list of simple grill items, things such as hot dogs and burgers and the like. It all seemed pretty good to Dipper but looking up from his menu he saw that Pacifica seemed at a total loss with the food items.
"Having trouble?"
"No, I just...I just don't see where the caviar is listed. Is it on the back?"
Dipper laughed. "Are you serious? I know you were rich and everything but you do know they don't serve fancy rich people foods at fast food places, right?"
"Ahahaha..." Pacifica laughed nervously. "Of course I do! I mean come on...It's not like it's been a while since I've dined casually or anything!" Her eyes darted about nervously as she avoided his gaze. Feeling an awkward tension she quickly turned her attention back to the menu. "Blood pudding is still a desert at diners though, right?"
Dipper was about to say something when a ring tone of 'Taking Over Midnight' sounded off in one of his trench coat pockets.
"Hang on, that's Mabel." announced Dipper as he started to dig through his pockets.
"Mabel?"
"Yeah, we usually call each other every month to stay in touch. I mean, she is still my twin sister after all."
"Saved by the beep." Pacifica said under her breath.
After searching through several pockets Dipper finally found the correct one and dug out his phone. It seemed to be an old style flip cell phone, or at least it would if it didn't have extra wire coils and lights on it.
"Hello...yeah, I'm here with someone so I can't really talk at the moment... yeah... yes I found someone to work with... Gravity Falls...it's Pacifica Northwest." Dipper suddenly held the phone at arms length as a girly scream shrieked through it. "OH for the love of..." Dipper pressed a button on it, hanging up on his sister. "I can't talk to her when she's like that! I swear the more things change the more they stay the same!"
Pacifica laughed lightly. "I see Mabel hasn't changed."
"Pretty much. I don't know if I've already told you this or not, but i originally made the same offer I made to you with Mabel. However, Mabel had turned me down, she said she had enough of scary things in her life and frankly I couldn't blame her. She was ready to move on with her life but me? I wasn't done yet. I felt like this world still had more mysteries to offer me. Mysteries which only I had the proper mental grasp to solve, so I turned that in to a career. She did always go on about how I should find help, someone to watch my back..."
"Basically help you out."
"Yes! A partner of sorts, because according to her this job is 'too dangerous to do solo'."
"She kind of has a point."
"I suppose, but I could never find anyone good enough who could fit the bill..." He smiled at her. "Until I crossed paths with you again."
Pacifica blushed with a smile. "Dipper I..."
"Hello there, are you two ready to order." the waitress chimed in.
"I don't think I'm quite re..." Pacifica trailed off as she saw their 'waitress' was actually Joe in a waitress outfit. Complete with skirt, apron, and beehive wig. "What are you..."
"Hello Joe, me and the lady will have two hot dogs and some chili fries to split."
Joe wrote down the order on his little waitress notepad. "Well okay, we'll bring that right up for you Hon...wait a second! You saw through my disguise?!"
"You don't have the legs for it Joe. Accept it!" Dipper said flatly.
"Grrrr! Fine! I was just wearing it because I needed to talk to you!"
"You shouldn't need a dress for that, Joe." chided Pacifica.
Joe was about to go in to a big rant to defend his disguise when Dipper cleared his throat. Dipper knew that Joe wouldn't be using one of his 'disguises' unless it was important.
"What did you have to say Joe?"
"You guys left the forest too soon! I've been thinking, and there is something unusual that might be connected to the disappearances."
"And you needed a disguise to relay this information?" asked Pacifica.
"Yes! Because you never know who may be listening! Like the trees, they want you to think they're just inanimate!"
"The what?"
Dipper held up his hand before Pacifica could ask Joe to explain. "Don't. Just... just don't encourage this."
"Of course you would know all about that wouldn't you, Blondie! The question is, who's side are you on? The whispering trees? Or the pygmy squirrels?"
Pacifica was about to shoot an insult at Joe but Dipper managed to intervene.
"Joe, you wouldn't happen to be related to someone who used to live in Gravity Falls named Old Man McGucket, would you?" asked Dipper.
"Who?"
"Eh, worth a shot." Dipper shrugged helplessly. "So what is it?"
"There has been singing going on in the forest. I never noticed it before, but my friend who got taken last time said he heard the same singing before he went missing."
"And you're afraid your friend might be next?" asked Dipper.
"What?" Joe shifted his eyes nervously. "Don't be ridiculous, I always know the truth so of course I can keep him safe!"
Joe started to sweat nervously and Pacifica scooted a little farther away from him.
"Of course you can, Joe. Now exactly where in the forest was this?"
"The west side, towards the river."
"Okay, we've been searching the north side. We'll get on it right after we eat."
The west side of the forest didn't seem that different from the north, it still gave Pacifica the creeps, the only difference she could spot was that there was more moss on the trees. They trudged through it though, searching for anything out of the ordinary which could help them on their case.
"So was it just me, or did Joe seem a little off? You know, for Joe? I mean before he was talking about knowing everything behind this case and now he's trying to help us. What's his deal?"
"He's just scared. He has one friend who entertains his delusions. He lost him last time and doesn't want to lose him again. He knows his 'theories' aren't going to be enough to protect those he cares about. In his own way, he was asking for help."
"I don't know, I think he still might...wait, Dipper is Joe a suspect?"
"I really hope not." Dipper flatly said. "No. I would say Joe just had a healthy dosage of reality. A quick talk with his friend probably woke him up to the fact they were both in danger."
As much as she hated to admit it, it seemed to make sense. Well, for something that involved Joe anyways.
"You mentioned earlier Edna was the prime suspect, are there any others?"
"Just one...Joe's father."
Pacifica looked at Dipper with surprise. "What? Really?"
"Joe's father is a sculptor, it isn't impossible that he someone got involved with something paranormal."
"So why aren't we investigating him?"
"Because he's also tragically insane. Not on a dangerous level but just enough so that he isn't always aware of his actions. This is why Joe is a conspiracy nut, he didn't want to face the fact that his own father had lost his mind so he blames it on the government."
"Wow, I didn't think Joe could have problems like that."
"First rule of investigation, never judge a book by it's cover."
Dipper suddenly stopped. "Wait! Pacifica, do you hear that?"
She paused and listened silently and found there was something. It was very feint but it was there, just barely noticeable.
"Is that...singing?"
"Sounds like it's a good deal away. Okay, so here's what we do; we proceed quickly but quietly. Try to see this person before they see us."
The proceeded very carefully, avoiding things like twigs and other things likely to make too much noise.
"So..." Pacifica said in a low voice. "If Edna is a witch, then why isn't she green and like covered in warts?"
"That stuff is just Hollywood, Sweetheart. The truth is the more beautiful a witch is the more powerful she is."
"So she's like juiced up or something?"
"Yes and no. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and to me she's a skank."
Pacifica smiled at Dipper's trash talk of their prime suspect.
"Does she ride a broom or anything?"
"Not that I know of...I know she does a lot of potions and spells."
"Is that why she has blue hair?"
"Doubt it. She's performed so much magic on herself that the form she shows everyone isn't even what she really looks like. That's the price of her magic, the more potions and spells and what not she does... the more repercussions it has on her body. When I went to investigate her, I saw what she really looked like through a window."
"Was she old and ugly or something?" Pacifica asked with a hint of hope in her voice.
"What I saw, was terrible. Whatever part of her which was human, she killed it a long time ago. She had spider legs, a monster head, and claws."
"Claws?"
"Yeah, like a crab or a scorpion. That's why I don't think she qualifies as human anymore. Nothing 'human' can look like that. She's down right horrifying!"
"Then why don't you arrest her?"
"Yeah. Remember when I called her 'Cruella Deville with a hunting license'? That's because technically she's not doing anything illegal."
"Oh you've got to be kidding me!"
"Sigh. Nope. Maybe if she was handling her magic like an addict or something, maybe THEN I could do something...but altering her appearance doesn't really hurt anybody. It's unsettling to view but she's an adult capable of her own decisions and...oh you know how the rest of spiel goes."
Pacifica was about to ask another question when Dipper threw out his hand, stopping her.
"What is it?"
"Do you hear that?" Dipper asked.
Pacifica strained her ears to hear whatever was wrong. "The singing has stopped!"
"No it's more than that. There's nothing! No birds chirping, no squirrels scurrying about, nothing! The forest is silent, dead silent! Something's here with us... we're being watched."
"So what do we do?" Pacifica whispered.
"Just be very careful, act casual, and stay alert." Dipper whispered back.
He put down his hand and spoke louder. "Pacifica, last time I was here I found an unusual river! Let's go there and see if there's anything different about it this time!"
"Sure Dipper, I'm sure we'll find some clues there!" Pacifica said it a little louder than Dipper had wanted but there wasn't much he could do about it. He rolled his eyes and lead the way.
Eventually they came across what could be considered by some as a giant ditch or some type of dug out. From it's depth to it's top it was shaped in semi-circle.
"What is this?" Pacifica asked.
"This is a dried up river I came across last time. I told you it was unusual... but there does seem something different about it this time though."
Pacifica was a little too distracted to pay it any attention, she searching the trees for whatever was watching them. "So it's a dried up river. Big deal. What's that got to do with anything?" She got no answer. "Dipper?"
Just as she turned around Dipper jumped down below.
"Dipper, what are you doing?!"
"Get down here! There actually is a clue down here!" Dipper shouted.
Pacifica peered over the ledge to what she liked to call 'the ditch', Dipper seemed to be hunched over something. She scanned the trees one more time before turning her attention to Dipper. He seemed to be fiddling with something in the dirt.
"Sigh. So much for my last set of clean clothes."
She slid down the wall of the river, using her hand to slow her descent. She seemed to stir up some dust on her way down, much to her disgust. A quick dusting of herself on the bottom let her focus back at the matter at hand.
"So what is it?"
"It's mud!" Dipper cheered. "Finally! We got our first REAL clue!"
Pacifica stared at him vacillatingly. "Maybe I haven't been an Apprentice Detective or whatever you want to call it for very long, but exactly how is mud a clue?"
"It's a dried up river Pacifica! Emphasis on 'dried up'! How is there mud here? Do you remember there every being any rain? This mud has no business being here!"
At first Pacifica had her doubts but there did seem to be something odd about it. It didn't seem to be just a patch either, it seemed to stretch down in to the distance almost as if the river had only recently dried up. In the mud she thought she spotted something, something blueish grey just barely poking out of the mud.
"Wait, Dipper...what's that over there?"
Dipper squinted his eyes in the direction Pacifica was pointing in, about a foot away he spotted it.
Dipper went over to inspect it. It didn't seem to resemble anything out of the ordinary, yet somehow it seemed misplaced in it's location. Seemed to be worthy of at least a first hand look. He pulled on it. Didn't move. He pushed some of the mud around it off and found it to be a stone hand.
"Pacifica! This is it! Our culprit must have stashed the statues in this mud! Oh we're going to need shovels."
"Dipper!" Pacifica scolded. "What about that whole 'being watched' business? Don't you think we should handle that first?!" she whispered harshly.
"Oh right, that. I don't think we need to worry about that by now."
"Excuse me?! Sounded pretty important when you brought it up!"
Dipper turned to face the angry Pacifica but laughed when he saw she was making her 'Ugh!' face again. She didn't say anything this time but put her balled up fists on her hip glaring at him. Dipper's laughing immediately died with her glare accompanying an impatient foot tapping.
"Oh please, by now they know that we know. So that means they need to play out their next move carefully."
While Dipper seemed down right smug while explaining his 'spy' logic to her, Pacifica heard the faintest sound of the singing starting up again.
"By the time we get back to town, whoever it is will have hightailed back to their hideout to plot out their next move and..."
*BLURP!**BUBBLE!**BUBBLE!*
Turning their attention back to the stone hand they saw the entire statue pulling itself out of the mud.
"Or they could just make their move now!"
Soon more statues started crawling towards them out of the mud. Pacifica wasn't even sure exactly when she had hid behind Dipper but she knew she got there awfully fast.
"Dipper, this is starting to look an awful lot like a zombie movie!"
"Zombie move... please, those things are so unrealistic. I wish zombies moved that slow!"
"Wait...what?"
"Besides, I'm willing to bet stone statues are a lot harder to put down." Dipper took out his gun and adjusted the dial for the whip.
Dipper swung his whip cracking it once against the ground, swinging it again it caught one of the statues by it's leg. However, instead of wrapping around it, the goop swallowed the leg from the ankle down. With a hard yank Dipper sent the statue falling on to it's back. The mud seemed to cushion it's fall, preventing it from shattering.
"Try not to break them! They're still people! Well...probably anyways."
With a second yank the goop whip retracted back to Dipper.
"I don't think that's going to be a problem! Especially since I have NOTHING to break them with!" Pacifica snapped.
Dipper turned his head to see Pacifica still hiding behind him.
"Oh yeah...I never armed you." Dipper deadpanned. "Sorry about that! Here!"
Dipper dug in to one of his trench coat pockets and handed her a set of brass knuckles. She put on the knuckles but not before giving Dipper a befuddled look.
"You're a detective!" She gave a statue an uppercut to the jaw sending it stumbling back. "An officer of the law!" She delivered a left hook to a statue on her right trying to charge her. "What are you doing with brass knuckles?!" She threw up her right hand hitting a statue behind her.
"It's my inheritance, Grunkle Stan left them to me in his will!"
"Your family..." A right cross from Pacifica made another statue stumble in to another, making them both tumble to the ground. "Has some wildcard surprises hiding up their sleeves!"
Dipper used his whip to spin a wrapped statue away. "You get used to it."
Pacifica hadn't much combat in her life but she seemed to be fairing okay, although the statues did seem to be focusing most of their attacks on Dipper.
She knocked one on to it's back only for it to start to get back up again. She hit it again in the head sending it back down, just as it started to sit up she hit a third time.
"Dipper, these things won't stay down! We might have to run for it! Do you have anymore of those flash bomb things?"
Sending another statue flying in to another he spared Pacifica a glance. "Somehow I doubt it will work against an enemy which has pebbles for eyes!"
One was about to grab Dipper from behind but Pacifica tackled it in to the mud and started wailing on it with the brass knuckles. "What's that supposed to mean?! They can't see or something?!"
"What? Wait..." One of the statues made a lunge at Dipper. "Maybe they can't see..." Dipper sidestepped the statue and it ran right past him. "Pacifica! You're right! They're fighting blind!"
One of the fallen statues grabbed Pacifica by her ankle making her fall face first in to the mud. She lifted her head to give Dipper a mud covered glare. "Dipper, do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?!"
"No really!" Dipper stopped going on the offensive and just started dodging them. "I think they're getting orders somehow!"
Pacifica kicked the statue off and scrambled to her feet. "How?! In what way could they possibly be receiving orders?"
Dipper paused in silence as he considered that question. In that silent pause he heard the singing again very faintly.
"It's the singing! It has to be!"
Pacifica had quickly rejoined Dipper's side although the statues continued to close in on them. His attention, however, was focused on his gun as he adjusted it out of his whip mode. "Dipper, what if you're wrong about that?!"
"Pacifica, sometimes when you're a detective you've just got to trust your gut!"
"Well what are we going to do now?!"
"For now we're going to have to put some distance between us and this horde! And that starts by getting to the back of it!"
Dipper grabbed Pacifica by the hand and ran past the statues with her, just barely dodging their grabs and lunges. They had more than a couple of close calls, they even had to leap over one as it tried to nab them with a flying grab.
They had made it to the back, just like Dipper planned but the statues were giving them close pursuit.
"Okay Smart Guy, now what?"
"Now..." Dipper slid to a stop in the mud as he turned to face the statues. He let go of Pacifica's hand and took careful aim with his gun. "We stop these things in their tracks!"
*PLOOT!**PLOOT!**PLOOT!*PLOOOT!*
Four shots from Dipper's gun hit the ground, each one encasing five statues at their feet to the ground. They struggled to move forward but found it impossible.
"Okay, that should hold them for now but it isn't going to last forever! We just got to get some distance between us and them and we should be fine!"
For a second time he grabbed her by the hand and dashed off down the dried up river.
"Dipper! Where are we even going to go?!"
"Someplace safe where we can plan out our next move! Maybe the RV!"
They finally slowed to a stop when Dipper spotted a sturdy ledge on the top of the river wall. Hanging underneath was a large tree root which looked sturdy enough to use as a handhold.
"Okay, here's the plan," Dipper announced, "I give you a leg up so you can climb out with that root, the top looks sturdier there than where we've already seen so it can probably sustain your weight. Then I need you to go find a branch or something so then I can climb out."
"Um..." Pacifica blushed. "One little problem with that." She stared down at her skirt a little awkwardly.
Dipper followed her gaze and then slapped his forehead out of frustration. "Really?! You're pulling that now?!"
Pacifica shook her head, shaking away the awkward embarrassment she was feeling. "You're right! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! We're both adults here! I don't have a problem with this!"
They got to work immediately, however, just as Pacifica grabbed the root to climb up neither of them noticed a mud puddle on the opposite wall starting to bubble. Another statue crawled out of the mud and started moving towards them.
Pacifica had reached the top and turned around just in time to see the statue behind Dipper ready to strike.
"DIPPER! LOOK OUT!"
Dipper turned around with barely enough time to see the statue. A quick blow to the head and Dipper fell limp to the ground, the statue threw Dipper over his shoulder and started to carry him back to the bit of mud it crawled out from.
Pacifica hurried to climb back down to save Dipper but it was no good! She was just too slow!
"DIPPER!"
Standing in front of the mud puddle the statue waited patiently as all the mud seemed to drain away revealing a long tunnel leading downward. Pacifica landed on the ground with an ungraceful *THUD!*, she had embarrassingly tripped on her climb down, she forced herself through the pain to make herself to stand up. The statue started to walk down the tunnel just as Pacifica started to scramble after them. As the statue and Dipper disappeared out of sight down the tunnel, the roof to the entrance started to crumble, promising to seal the entrance behind them.
She didn't know if she could catch up to them in time, or if she could even do anything to save Dipper, but she had to try. Just as the entrance started to collapse Pacifica made a mad dive through the air in to the entrance just in time as it crumbled behind her. She would have liked it if she had stopped there but the mud on the ground caused her to continue her momentum as she slid further down on her belly.
When she finally stopped, she stood up and gave a shudder of repulsion. She looked back at the wall of crumbled earth behind her, if she had been even a fraction of a second late with her jump she would have been dead right now.
She stared up at the ceiling and shook her head. "This is the new life you have chosen Pacifica!"
Without further delay she raced down the tunnel, ignoring her aching body. The tunnel was dark but she could see just enough to make sure she didn't run in to anything which could trip her up.
She had to stop when she heard footsteps coming to stop from around the next corner. It had to be the statue, she knew it, but now that she had caught up to it she wasn't sure how she was supposed to rescue Dipper from it. Her best hope was to try and sneak him away.
She quietly peered around the corner and sure enough, there was the statue with Dipper slung over it's shoulder. The statue didn't seem to be moving at all, it just was stood completely motionless as if it were waiting for something.
She silently sneaked closer to it, it had no reaction. She slowly reached her hand up to Dipper in an attempt at grabbing him.
Then, without warning, some mud wrapped around the statue's feet as tendrils and before Pacifica could react it shot down the tunnel as if something were pulling it's entire being. The speed from which it traveled caused a wave of mud to shoot up an cover Pacifica from head to toe in it.
She angrily wiped some mud from her eyes and growled in frustration. "Of course! Why wouldn't that happen?! Not like this is my only outfit or anything! Sigh...I swear, the first set of clothes I buy when this is over is going to be a pair of overalls."
She took a moment to shake some of the mud off and then started down the path again. The further she went the deeper the mud seemed to get, it went as far as up to her waist, much to her horror.
After what seemed like an eternity she finally found an exit, the sunlight was a welcome change. It lead out to a slanted hill, it's fresh green grass indicated a lack of mud.
"Finally, someplace dry!"
She trudged herself out of the mud and up the hill. Surveying her surroundings she found herself back in the north part of the forest. She didn't see the statue carrying Dipper anywhere.
"I know it took off like a rocket but it can't have gotten that far!"
In the distance she spotted Edna's cottage but there was something else. She squinted her eyes and saw something blueish gray standing in front of another blue figure. One of them had to be the statue with Dipper, which meant that the other...
"That bitch of a witch! I knew it was her! I knew she was behind this!" She paused for a moment and thought silently. "Okay, so maybe I just wanted it to be her behind all this. Either way, I'm coming for you Dipper!"
Dipper awoke in a daze, his head was pounding. He tried to bring his hand to his head to try and stop the dizziness he was feeling but found himself unable to do so. He looked at his hand to find it chained to the wall, his other hand was just the same.
Surveying his surroundings, Dipper saw that he appeared to be inside Edna's cottage.
"Edna...I knew it!" Dipper swore under his breath as he experimented with his chains, seeing if there were any weak links in the chains he could take advantage of.
Dipper thought he saw some motion from the corner of his eye. He looked to the window and saw Pacifica peering in, she seemed to be waiting for him to give her some kind of signal to come in and save him.
A voice called out from the other room. "Sounds like somebody's awake!"
Dipper motioned for Pacifica to stay down for now. This could be his only chance for an actual interrogation.
Edna had walked in to the room but had stopped at the doorway. She leaned against the arch as she eyed Dipper up and down.
"I always knew you and me would end up in chains." she said.
"Edna! I knew you were behind this!"
She raised an eyebrow at him. "Really?"
"Well no, not really. I suspected you and wanted you to be the culprit but I thought it would have been too convenient. You were the prime suspect but I couldn't really do anything without evidence."
"That's what I love about you Dipper, you're always so smart. And unlike everyone else in this town you're not a coward."
"Well if it's brains you're looking for I could introduce to some old nerd friends who would be tickled pink to go out with a dame like you...provided you like the board game Dungeons, Dungeons, & More Dungeons. It's kind of a requirement with them."
Her face soured. "Speaking of brains, or rather lack there of, let's talk about your airhead friend!"
She walked over to him menacingly, her fingernails seemed to get longer the closer she got to him. However, Dipper didn't flinch, he didn't even seemed concerned.
"Actually she's not an airhead. That's just you flinging stereotype labels around."
She was face to face with him now. There was no lust in her face as she looked at him in the eye this time, she folded her arms under her breasts emphasizing her sour mood.
"I need to know! Why would you choose to spend any time with someone like her when you could have been spending the time of your life with a woman like me?"
"Well let's see..." Dipper grinned. "She's smart, funny, resourceful, has a good head on her shoulder, and has a variety of actually useful skills." Edna gritted her teeth as Dipper listed off Pacifica's admirable traits. "Now you on the other hand... you're condescending, you can't take a hint, you're self righteous, self absorbed, vain, short tempered, spoiled, and that's not even mentioning the illegal stuff you're doing right now! I keep my time with you to a minimum Toots, because you're just bad news."
Dipper leaned forward with a grin, it was time to deliver the cherry on top.
"And because, unlike some other people..." Dipper blew some of her bangs away from her face revealing a black widow hourglass symbol. "I know what it's like to hide something on your forehead."
Omake
"For the last time..." Joe whined. "You have to let me go home! I'm not actually a waitress here, this is just a disguise!"
The burly chef glared at him from behind the kitchen window. "And I'm telling YOU, you have to do the shift! My restaurant! My rules! And my most importantly, that outfit you stole when my back was turned is company property! Quite frankly you should be happy I'm just making you work instead of calling the cops! By the way, why didn't you take the male uniform I had left next to the one you took?"
"Uhhh... You just want to keep me here so I won't be able to tell the world about how Hitler's mustache was actually just well groomed nose hair!"
"Listen! If you want to be confused about your gender then that's fine; but do it as you deliver these orders to tables nine, thirteen, and twelve!"
The chef placed a dish in each of Joe's hands followed by one on top of his beehive wig.
"Where did you get the wig, Joe?"
"I'm wearing a wig?!"
"Forget it. Just deliver the orders and refill the mustard on table 3."
Joe wabbled out for the tables doing his best to keep his balance and not drop any of the dishes.
"You can't keep me here forever! I will make sure the world knows the truth about the Jurassic Genie Carrot Conspiracy!"
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I thought it only right to post this after the new episode. I've been looking for an excuse to use that 'Day Off' joke for quite a while now.