Believe it or not. I feel like I could have added even more detail to this. And yet the reason why this one took so long was because I was trying extra hard not to 'trip over my own feet' as it were. Start the fic.
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Dipper smiled at Edna's shocked reaction. "I'm going to go out on a limb and say that has something to do with a visit to Mystery Mountain."
"Impossible!" Edna snapped. She took a couple of steps back in surprise. "How could you have possibly known that I went there?!"
"Oh I've been there more than once. Although I gotta admit, my last visit was certainly more enjoyable than my first."
Flashback
Darlene sweated nervously in her ticket booth as Dipper continued his paperwork on a clipboard.
"So...Darlene," Dipper had said her name with such an icy tone to it that it gave Darlene chills. "Do you hereby consent to never consume a human ever again and hereby promise to only use your abilities/powers on animals for the purposes of your ecological and physical survival?"
"I pretty much have to Sug. 'New Raccoon Mummies Daily' might not draw in as many customers as regular mummies but it's better than getting locked in a cell."
"Good. So long as the public is no longer in danger and you agree to our terms then you're free to continue business here. So be careful where you step with those eight legs."
"I will! I promise!"
"Good!" Dipper said with a smile. "Then there's only one last piece of personal business to take care of."
Then without warning Dipper bopped Darlene on the head with a rolled up newspaper. Maybe it was the force of the impact or just the surprise itself, but Darlene nearly fell from where she stood.
"Ow! What was that for?!"
"THAT WAS FOR GRUNKLE STAN!"
End Flashback
"Would like to explain why you went there? Or did you just want to see some new mummies? In fact how about a full Q&A? I never did get to ask you my questions for the investigation. So what do you say? Want to fill me in on everything?"
Edna didn't appreciate Dipper's tone but she didn't let it bother her. "I never could deny you anything, Dipper."
"Then how about you let me go?" Dipper asked hopefully.
Edna lowered her eyes halfway. "How about 'no'?"
"Aw crap!" Dipper swore. "Worth a shot."
"I heard about some odd webs in their woods through the grapevine. Sounded like it had potential to be an interesting potion ingredient so I went to see if I could collect some. And guess what happened?"
"I'm going to go out on a limb and say you had a run in with Drider Darlene..."
Edna scrunched her face in confusion. "Drider?"
"Drider. Basically what she is. I call her Drider Darlene because she's terrible. I'm going to guess that was also how your meeting with her went."
"Well it wasn't planned if that's what you mean. I found some of the spider webbing I was looking for by accidentally walking in to it, that's when the Drider Ditz popped in and kidnapped me back to her layer. She tried to eat me!" Edna snapped.
"I thought she only ate men."
"No she only lures men, turns out she's not that much of a picky eater. She's still terrible though..."
Dipper shrugged. "Naturally."
"Putting me in a web cocoon and talking about injecting me with venom, I was never more afraid in my life; I thought I was going to die!"
"Must have happened before I had my little 'talk' with her." Dipper mused.
"Obviously! I was in a panic to get out, I had only one option. I knew spiders don't stick to their own webbing thanks to a special oil their bodies create, I figured Darlene wasn't any different. As soon as she left to find a 'side dish' I set to work immediately. Since the webbing came from her I tried to use it as a base for my body altering magic so it could be more like her's, that way I could slip out. It worked, but there was a side effect on my true self..."
"You ended up with spider legs!"
Dipper felt happy he actually got an answer to something he was wondering about but it didn't stop Edna from giving him the evil eye.
"Dipper Pines...how did you know about that? Were you spying on me?!"
"Not intentionally. Last time I came to this town I had swung by here to ask you some questions and saw your real self through that window." Dipper pointed to window he had seen Pacifica in. There was no blonde top of hair poking out from the bottom of the window so she must have left but he hoped she was busy formulating some type of rescue plan for him. "Could have called you out right there and then, but as detective I need evidence for everything so throwing accusations around without any proof would have been a waste of time for both of us. And it didn't quite feel right to question a woman who hadn't put on her 'face' yet."
She glared at him dangerously. "A gentleman should never see a lady without her makeup on, Dipper."
"Well I'm sorry, it isn't like I planned it. So why didn't you just alter they symbol away? I mean this is how you decide to look so why not just decide to do away with the symbol?"
"Trust me, I've tried! It's permanent no matter what form I take! I even tried using good old fashioned cover up on it and the symbol melted it off somehow! All thanks to that woman!"
"I'm surprised you didn't vow some type of vendetta against Darlene."
"Oh don't worry! She'll get what's coming to her, as soon as my forces are strong enough!"
"So is that why you've been turning people in to statues?"
"One of the reasons anyways. I know that if I'm going to take her down I'm going to need nothing short of an army. She loves to set traps, or at least she did when I saw her. I know a visit from you can change a woman . However, I've found the only way to make these stone statues mobile and obedient is through my singing."
"Yeah, how did you pull that off? That's actually a new one on me if you can believe it."
"I had to inhale fumes from a special potion I made to enchant my vocal cords. This is also how I got new statues. I used my singing to lure any man curious enough to investigate and then I turn them to stone with my projectile webbing."
"I'm sorry, did you just say 'projectile webbing'?"
"Yes, that's a combination of the side effect from the webbing alterations I gave myself to escape and the other alterations to myself that were already in place. Of course back then I hadn't quite grasped controlling them very well, it was an art which was going to need a lot of practice." She turned to her window and stared out through it. "I did unfortunately have more free time on my hands to learn it since capturing men and turning them in to statues seems to be the only way I can get the attention from this town I so rightly deserve."
Dipper stared at her silently for a moment. Giving her a curious look, almost as if she had told him some type of strange riddle he had never heard before.
"Congratulations Edna, I'm an experienced detective, well versed in deduct reasoning and analysis... and you just completely lost me. What in the world are you talking about witch?!"
There was something about Dipper's response Edna liked; she turned back to him and gave him a coy smile.
"I'm more powerful than any mere human, and more beautiful too. I should be adored, worshiped even! However, in this town I can't even get a date!"
"I find that hard to believe!"
Edna lowered her eyes tiredly.
"Don't. The people in this town are complete cowards remember? All the men are too afraid of my beauty to make a move. Not that the women are any braver but that's not my point."
"Then why don't you make a move?!" Dipper was starting to get irritated. He was supposed to be investigating her, not having a discussion about her love life.
"I do, but they're either too afraid to say yes or they just ending running away because I 'stare at them like some kind of predator'. Bunch of yellow cowards..."
Dipper rolled his eyes. Somehow, as usual, Edna had turned the whole conversation in to a discussion about her. Dipper hated this town too, without mercy even, but hearing Edna complain about it frustrated him for some reason. Maybe it was the shackles, Dipper never liked being locked up in any sense of the word. However, the more likely answer was how Edna, while eyeing him like a piece of meat, kept waiting for him to react like she was the victim of some terrible tragedy.
"Cry me a river, Edna! How about we get back on track? Revenge on Darlene I could understand, but what does turning the men in to stone statues have to do with your love life?!"
"Well the statues themselves actually serve multiple purposes, I can turn them back to human whenever I like. I can even do partial changes like a hand or something. Suddenly I wasn't so lonely anymore. For some I even offer a window out, in exchange for 'services' to myself and..."
"Please don't!" Dipper cut in. "I get the picture; but you know there's something not right with you though right? In the head? There has to be. I mean do you have any idea how you sound right now?! All these spells and potions; they've done more than just given you a pretty body to show people, everything you've ever had on the inside, everything who you ever were has been twisted by it. I'm not even sure there's anything left about you that's human. I mean for pity's sake, do YOU even understand the magic you're using?! Because it sounds like it has more repercussions than it's worth!"
She tapper her chin with her finger thoughtfully. Of course this was done with her hand which had the lengthened fingernails so it created a tension of unease with him.
"You're right Dipper...the magic I use on myself has changed me more on the inside than you think. The price of this beauty has had a side effect on my biological clock, if I ever want to have little witchlings I need to act soon."
She placed a hand on her hip and gave him a lustful look.
"Not what I mean ya... Wait...you mean..."
"That's right! Soon I'll be going through menopause... which brings me to why you're chained up in my house."
Dipper paled, it was all starting to fall in to place and he didn't like how it was looking.
"...Oh no no no no no no no no no no! Tell me this isn't going in the direction I think it is!"
She gave him what others must have referred to as that 'predatory smile'. Dipper jumped a little at the sight of it.
"Afraid so 'detective'. I've been harboring feelings for you for quite some time now."
"No kidding!" Dipper quipped sarcastically.
"It all started innocently enough..."
"There is NOTHING innocent about you!" Dipper snapped.
Edna ignored him as she stared off wistfully. "I just wanted to accumulate my stone army to stomp a bug... er... arachnid, whatever."
He knew it was futile but he started to struggle against his chains.
"Okay, now would be a really great time for a certain friend to come to my rescue!" Dipper waited for a moment but he only got silence. "Doesn't even need to have a dramatic entrance...aw marbles."
He had to get out of here as quickly as possible. He thought maybe if he could reach down to his pocket he could pull out his President's Key, however his chains didn't seem to go that far.
"Then you came to town. The man of mystery on a mission, you were so different from the regular men of this town. So confident and smart..."
"Please stop. This is getting more uncomfortable than the shackles, and they're cutting in to my wrists!"
His pleas fell on deaf ears as she continued her little 'dramatic' speech.
"Too smart as it turns out, you were getting too close for comfort in solving the case. I couldn't risk exposure at that time, not until i could control the statues better anyways. It was clear that I was going to need more time to plan on how to 'acquire' you. A man with the will of titanium is attractive but not easily obtained, so I needed a patsy to take the fall for me and throw you off my trail until I could be ready to make you mine. I did some research and found a creature which would be perfect to take the blame."
"The Iron Bull!"
"Yes, he was the only thing which fit in to my escape clause. A simple summoning ritual was all it took to teleport him here, not that his locals seemed to mind, they seemed to downright rejoiced his absence! I set him off in to the woods where I knew you would find him, I knew you wouldn't believe it would be behind the disappearances but the town would."
"And I would be forced on my way; but what about Darlene? I doubt you would let such an 'offense' against you go."
"Don't be mistaken Dipper, I will still get my revenge on her, if a labored one. It simply takes a back seat to creating a 'family' for myself, with your smarts and my magic our children would be unstoppable!" She stopped her rant for a moment and thought quietly to herself for a moment. "Then again, capturing you did turn out to be a lot easier than I thought it would be. Even had to take down some of the elaborate traps I made for you..."
She trailed off in thought as she silently mused her choices in men. Ultimately she shrugged it off and focused her attention back on him.
"Oh well, nobody's perfect, not even you my darling Dipper. Although, as I previously found out with some poor sap with a broken down car, you won't survive the intercourse."
Dipper was now frantically pulling on his chains while Edna took a couple of steps closer to him. He had to stop when he felt her elongated fingernail tracing up his body.
"I guess the black widow mark isn't just there for show huh?" His glare towards her told her a lot, he wasn't happy with this, he wasn't going to submit to it, and most importantly...he wasn't going to forget it.
However, Dipper still had to move his head back when her finger started to go up his neck. "I know the idea can be a bit of a mood killer, but still..." she quickly trailed her fingernail off his body cutting his neck. "There are worse ways to go."
Dipper winced from the fresh wound, he could feel himself starting to bleed.
"Sorry but evil is kind of a turn off for me!" Dipper shot. "It's not me, it's you!"
"That's not a problem." She turned her attention to the other room she came in from. It was a rustic yet simple kitchen, but there were some strange noticeable things. Like the giant cauldron on the floor for one thing, or the spice rack on the counter filled with shakers which Dipper doubted had spices in them. Especially since some of the shakers seemed to be glowing "I can cook up a potion to fix that. I even found a potion to make the statues forget about their little 'escapades' when I free them, in the form of a polish if you can believe it."
"Oh great, they get to be shiny while they're enslaved!"
"Oh don't look so angry, I..."
Edna stopped mid-sentence as a light shined in through her window in to her face. It was really blinding at first but then a sound started to accompany it.
"What the Hell is that?!"
*VRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*
"Sounds like my rescue." Dipper said with a grin. He pressed his back against the wall and braced for impact.
Before Edna could ask what he was doing, the front end of an RV crashed through her window sending her flying across the room. She hit the wall with a sickening *CRACK!* before landing limply on the floor.
Dipper started coughing from the smoke coming out of the radiator of his own vehicle. "There goes my warranty."
The door to the passenger's side of the RV was kicked open and out jumped Pacifica. "Dipper?!"
"Over here Pacifica!" Dipper called back.
She had cut it pretty dang close, a little more to the left and she would have ended Dipper's whole career. Her aim was precise though, there was just enough room between him and the RV for another person. The RV had also taken out the rest of Edna's wall revealing a massive hole to it's right. Even though she nearly hit him he still found her to be quite a sight to see in this moment.
"Are you okay Dipper?"
"I'm fine. Dig out my President's Key from my right trench coat pocket and get me out of here!"
Pacifica did as he asked and used the key on his shackles right away. "I can't believe she actually chained you up! What is wrong with her?!"
"Oh that isn't even the tip of her loony iceberg as it turns out!" Dipper rubbed his wrists, didn't look like the shackles did any permanent damage. "I gotta say you cut it kind of close there though."
"I'm sorry but I couldn't think of any other way to stop her and rescue you at the same time."
"It's fine, but was wrecking my engine part of the plan?"
*BANG!*
The sudden sound from the engine made them jump as even more smoke poured out from the lid.
"It was not." Pacifica admitted. The angry pout Dipper had accused her of having earlier suddenly returned when his lack of gratitude dawned on her. "Hey, wait a second! I saved your butt! How about a 'thank you'?!"
Dipper sighed and gave her an apologetic look. "You're right, I'm sorry. It's just this case in this town, it has everything I don't want. Especially for teaching you the ropes of the job. Thanks Pacifica..."
Her pout disappeared and was replaced with a smile.
"It's okay, Dipper. Even I'm starting to get annoyed by this town!"
A sudden rustling followed by a painful moan diverted their attention over to where Edna landed. Her hair had gotten longer to the point where it draped over her face, she threw out a veiny arm to put her weight on. It had become larger; her skin started to bubble over with boils. She stood up at a height much taller than she was and raised her other hand in the air.
Pacifica felt herself shrink a little in fear as Edna's shadow fell over her. "That's impossible! I hit her as hard as I possibly could! She should at least have some broken bones!"
"YOU LITTLE BITCH! IT'LL TAKE MORE THAN ANYTHING YOU COULD DISH OUT TO PUT A STOP TO ME!"
Edna was about to charge at Pacifica but Dipper was quicker with his gun.
*PLOOT!*
A beastly snarl escaped Edna's mouth as a green glob from Dipper's gun stuck her hand to the wall.
"RUN!" Dipper thundered.
Pacifica didn't need to be told twice as she and Dipper made a mad dash through the hole the RV made.
As they ran through the wet grass she shot him a concerned yet confused look. "Shouldn't you arrest her now or something? You have to have enough evidence by now and some more of that goop could probably detain her."
Dipper shook his head. "With her like that?! I don't think so! Besides, I'm low on ammo. I need to make more if I want to use the goop shots. Thanks to that one I just fired, I'd say I have just enough for the whip. Which still isn't enough to immobilize her!"
"You'd rather stick with the whip than the shots?!" she asked incredulously.
"It conserves the ammo I was just talking about, thank you very much!" Dipper shot back.
"Grrr! Whatever! I hit her with the RV, why wasn't that enough to take the fight out of her?!"
"She's a witch, Pacifica. She's more durable than she looks. We have to outsmart her if we want to detain her! And for that we'll need the element of surprise!"
"The statue that took you had to go through this long tunnel full of mud, it was dark in there so..."
"Sounds perfect! Let's go!"
Pacifica thought back to how much mud was in the tunnel and grimaced. "Alright, but we are going clothes shopping right after this case! No excuses! Because these tennis shoes are USELESS!"
"Tennis shoes?"
Dipper looked over at Pacifica's feet to see mud covered tennis shoes. He almost felt like laughing at the mere sight of them."You're kidding me! You kept the tennis shoes of all things?"
"They're the only things that wouldn't sell okay?!"
Dipper smiled, this was exactly what he needed to ease his tension. Feeling a little calmer he started to focus on their next move.
"We should probably get ready for Edna's true form. That's going to be a handful! She probably even has some new tricks!"
"What about that super tall ugly form? Wasn't that her true form?"
"I already told you what her true form looks like. What you saw was only a form she raged in to because you hit her with the RV."
They ran all the way to the tunnel uninterrupted, which was exactly what Dipper found strange. Before Pacifica could even step foot in to the tunnel, Dipper had thrown out his arm in her path stopping her.
"Something's not right!"
"Not that I'm in a hurry to get up to my waist in mud," she shuddered at the thought. "but what could be wrong? We made it all the way here without any problems!"
"Exactly! One little shot shouldn't have been enough to keep her there, she should have tried something before we even got half way here! Either she's trying to cut us off or..."
Dipper left his sentence open hoping Pacifica would catch on.
"It's a trap!"
Dipper tossed a rock in to the entrance and the whole thing collapsed as soon as it hit the darkness inside.
"HA! Nice try SLUT! NEXT TIME BRING YOUR A GAME!" Pacifica shouted this as loud as she could, she simply had to called Edna out on her failure. Too bad it earned a dirty look from Dipper. "What?"
"I know this is your first day and everything, but challenging her like that was a really dumb move!"
"What? Oh come on, what's the worse she gonna do?" Pacifica scoffed.
*CRACK!*
"And no matter what you never say that!" scolded Dipper.
The sudden sound had made both of them jump. They looked around to see what had made the noise but only saw the forest which surrounded them.
*CRACK!**CRINKLE!**CRACK!**SNAP!**SNAP!*
Dipper and Pacifica stood back to back as the noises got louder and louder, it seemed to be coming from every direction at once.
"What's she doing?!" Pacifica darted her eyes everywhere at once, trying to see where the oncoming attack was going to come from.
"It's the trees! Pacifica she's using the trees!"
"For what?!"
Then the noises stopped just as suddenly as they started. Then without warning, each of the trees shot downward in to the ground, only leaving behind a hole of where it stood.
"That's it? She just gets rid of the trees? I mean, yeah we're easier to spot now but..."
"Pacifica, she's not done yet! She's too twisted to just kill us, she wants to milk our torment!"
From the holes of the trees the ground started to crumble in to ravines, going from one hole to another. With the ravines intersecting they created dirt triangles between them. However, as the ravines continued to spread these triangles got smaller and smaller. Dipper and Pacifica found themselves falling in to one of the ravines as it formed right from under their feet. They landed on the ground softly, the mud cushioning their fall (much to Pacifica's grimace). Standing up they found walls of dirt surrounding them with triangular pillars of soil everywhere. There didn't seem to be an exit anywhere in sight, the mud dried up making the floor more path-like.
"What is this, some type of maze?"
"Looks like it, she probably thinks this will better her odds. I got a feeling these walls aren't just dirt so I would avoid touching them if you can, just in case."
Pacifica looked up, there didn't seem to be anything keeping them down there.
"Well do you think we can climb out?"
No sooner had she said that than the branches shot out of the top of the walls and started to weave themselves together over their heads forming a roof.
"I'm going to say 'no'." quipped Dipper.
A bloodcurdling beastly cry echoed throughout the new maze.
"Shoot! She's here now!" Dipper swore.
"That was supposed to be Edna?!"
In all honesty, Pacifica didn't think such a shrill shriek could have come from anything human. It was much worse than what she had already heard. It was like a roar from a monster from somebody's worse nightmare.
"Yes! Which means we have to keep moving! We need to run! NOW!"
Dipper grabbed Pacifica by the hand again and ran with her down the way. They slid to a stop when Edna emerged from around the corner ahead of them, but she didn't look like she did last time they saw her. Her head had become elongated towards her mouth which no longer had normal human teeth. It looked more like the outer bone of her skull around her mouth had become jagged spikes acting as fangs.
Her blue hair was still there although now it looked greasier. Instead of hands she had claws, exactly how Dipper described them, although they looked somehow bulkier than what she imagined. Her skin was a grayish brown now but the boils from earlier could still be seen even in the poor light. The lower half of her body stretched out like an arachnid, complete with eight legs below. However, the most unsettling thing about her was her eyes, the only part of her which seemed to stay human. And yet a menacing evil burned brightly in them, piercing Pacifica's very soul as she gazed in to them. She knew Edna was planning on killing her for no greater reason than she wanted to.
"Going somewhere?"
Dipper looked at Edna, then in the direction they thought they heard the shriek, then back at Edna.
"Oh don't look so confused, Dipper. It's magic, it has rules all of it's own."
Pacifica hid behind Dipper for reasons she wasn't so proud of, she knew she should be standing beside him instead of behind him but her body just reacted. She avoided looking up at either Dipper or Edna, but this wasn't due to her fear. She thought back to Edna talking about how great Dipper was and all the praise Dipper had given Pacifica, but having herself cower like this made her feel a little unworthy. Dipper chose her to help him with the job and yet here she was using him for cover. Thankfully Dipper hadn't seemed to mind her hiding behind him, but she knew she couldn't stay there forever.
"Well Edna, I see you're more or less the same without your 'makeup' on. I see your lower half is a little longer since the last time I saw it."
Edna gave him a mock pose of putting her claws behind her head. "Do you like it?"
Dipper and Pacifica were backing away from her but Edna made sure the gap between them never got too big. "You're just as horrifying as ever!"
"Mmmm..." Edna placed a claw under chin. "So you're so cold, Dipper...gives me shivers! I'll have to be sure to give our children strict lessons in manners!"
"Children?" Pacifica repeated. She looked at Dipper and then at Edna with a confused look on her face. "Dipper, what is she talking about?"
"Oh right, you went to get the RV. Short version is that our darling Edna is in danger of going through menopause and wants to have my babies. That's why she did the whole statue thing a second time, to lure me back."
"Like a fly in to the spider web."
Pacifica gave Edna a look of disgust. "Ugh! You want to steal his seed?! Lady, you have issues!"
"Why don't you stop hiding behind that meat shield and say that to my face you little Hussy!" Edna snapped.
"Don't call her that!" Dipper snapped back.
"Defending her again?! What do you even see in that little blonde Harlot?!"
"I'm not sure you would understand. What makes her good company... makes her my friend, isn't her looks or her attitude, it's her heart."
A pink tinge graced itself on Pacifica's cheeks not that anyone seemed to notice.
"Her heart?"
"Yeah! Her heart! Not that I would expect you to know anything about it! You killed yours a long time ago!"
"Well then..." Edna snapped her claws a couple of times in the air. "If it is her heart that makes her superior then I'll be sure to cut it out and devour it to 'eliminate' the competition! As the saying goes, If I can't have him then nobody can!"
Dipper leaned over to Pacifica, although he made sure to never take his eyes off of Edna.
"Pacifica, do remember how I got us away from the manotaurs last week?" Dipper whispered.
A mental image of Dipper using a flash bomb appeared from Pacifica's memory. She nodded.
"Then get ready. Hey Edna! Do know what reason I really have for turning you down?" Dipper dug in to his back trench coat and grabbed a flash bomb. "It's a NONSPECIFIC EXCUSE!"
Pacifica quickly covered her eyes with her hands right before Dipper spiked the flash bomb on the ground.
Edna gave another shrill shriek but this time out of pain as she tried in futile effort to rub her eyes with her claws. She stopped when she heard the quickened footsteps of Dipper and Pacifica running away.
"NOOOO!" she thundered. "YOU CAN'T ESCAPE FROM ME!"
*HARUK*
A spider web net shot out of her mouth and it soared down the path.
"DUCK!" Dipper shouted.
Pacifica found herself forcibly pulled to the ground by Dipper as the spider web net sailed over head and hit one of the triangle walls at the end. Pacifica's jaw dropped as she watched the dirt wall change in to solid stone.
"That's how she turns people to stone?!"
"Dwell on it later Pacifica, right now we have to lose her!"
She must have heard them because as soon as they got up she fired multiple shots at them.
*HARUK**HARUK**HARUK*
A sharp turn around the corner saved them from being hit. As they ran side by side Dipper saw Pacifica give him a look. "Is it just the frantic panic or is what she shooting at us..."
"Webs! Yes!"
"But I thought spiders made their webbing come out their bottoms not their mouths!"
They started taking more turns as they ran, never going the same direction twice.
"Well she is a witch so she probably did something to her body to switch her organs around or something."
"Eww! What is wrong with her?!"
"Sweetheart, a shorter list would be what's right with her!"
They were about to turn another corner when Dipper threw out his arm again stopping them both. Edna's shadow could be seen at the end of the far left wall. Dipper knew they needed to act fast, taking note of the gray triangular pillars surrounding them he thought of a plan. Although if he was going to criticize himself, it would be considered more of a gamble than a plan! He tipped his hat over his face and wrapped his trench coat around his body. He took a deep breath as he stood as perfectly still as possible. Edna quickly made her way around the corner and stormed down the path passing Dipper. She came to a stop about five feet pass Dipper, and turned around to walk back.
She stopped right in front of Dipper and squinted her eyes; she hadn't known it but she had given Dipper the perfect camouflage. The dirt walls with the poor lighting from the branch roof made them a gray which matched Dipper's outfit, and given that Dipper's flash bomb had caused more damage to her eyes than originally intended to it meant that Edna was having a hard time seeing. All she could see in front of her was a blurry gray lump, deciding it was most likely a bit of the triangle pillar's dirt falling off she continued back on her search giving another shrill shriek.
Dipper gave a sigh of relief and turned around to face Pacifica, who was...crouched down? He supposed it was easier to avoid being seen this way, he crouched down to her level.
"We're safe for the moment, I think the flash bomb did more than just blind her. Her eyesight must be more delicate than it looks and...hey, are you okay?"
With that one little question Pacifica's fear had turned in to regret and shame. This was how she was supposed to make a living and here she was cowering like some little girl? It was absurd! What was wrong with her?! She was scared, yes, but why? She wasn't afraid of the Lightning Goblins like this, and the Lumberjack Ghost from her childhood had to be just as dangerous as Edna. She kept on her toes then. Although Edna wasn't like either of them, there was something more malicious in her which seemed to be just looking for an excuse to kill Pacifica. Maybe it was also Edna's usage of magic, Pacifica didn't how it worked or how to fend it off. Or maybe it was her monster form itself, Pacifica felt like she was going to have her head bitten off at any moment. Of course this was all guess work and that was what annoyed her the most! The way she saw it, if she could just figure out why she was afraid then maybe she would stand a chance of overcoming it! However, she didn't have time to worry about; they were in danger and Dipper needed to know if she was battle ready.
She brushed down her clothes and straightened her hair. "I'm fine." Her voice was quieter than she wanted but given the circumstance that was probably a good thing.
Dipper shrugged it off. "Okay so here's the plan, as a witch she has weaknesses of extreme temperatures to her body. This goes as far back as the Salem With Trials, turns out not all of them were innocent, they were done away with usually by drowning them in a icy river or burning them at the stake."
"Or hanging?" Pacifica offered.
Dipper waved his hand flat in the air in a 'so-so' way. "More or less, that was a pretty much hit and miss method. However, these methods did seem to neutralize their magic to some extent, with my gun I think we simulate those circumstances. I'm thinking the ice balls might be enough to stop her, if we freeze her from the legs up then..."
Dipper stopped talking when Pacifica covered his mouth with her hand. Her face visibly turned pale as she used her other hand to point behind Dipper. As quietly as he could, Dipper turned around to see Edna several feet away from them. She was facing their direction but she didn't seem to be moving at all, it was almost as if she waiting for something. Then it hit him, she was listening for them. For any type of sound the two of them might make.
"I bet the two of you think you're pretty clever keeping quiet like this!" Edna spoke at a volume loud enough that Dipper and Pacifica would have heard her anywhere in the maze. She clacked her claws a couple of times. "Well let's see how quiet you can be when you BURN!"
She threw out her claws in left and right directions and streams of fire shot out them. The sudden stream of fire was so sudden Pacifica accidentally let out a scream of surprise. The fire ceased almost immediately as an evil grin grew on Edna's already monstrous face. "Got ya!"
With a beastly roar Edna charged forward in a mad fury.
*HARUK* *HARUK* *HARUK*
As the projectile webbing sped towards them Dipper dove at Pacifica, sending both of them tumbling out of the way from Edna and her attacks. Dipper held Pacifica close as Edna raced by unaware of their dodge. About several feet away she realized they must have dodged out of her and smashed her claw against a triangle pillar.
"I've had enough of your games..."
Edna lurched forward, as if she were about to become sick. Then she opened her mouth and a thick fog came pouring out of it down to the floor; there it started to swirl around her legs and started rise up around the rest of her body until she was cocooned in it. The fog eventually dissipated revealing Edna with some new 'features'.
She had horns on her head now, they were pointed up like a bull's but spiraled as they went long. A reptile like tail had sprouted out her arachnid like bottom and laid on the ground coiled around her legs. It seemed to be clubbed at end with a spike ball. "Now for the finishing touch." She reached her claw down to her belly and started to cut it horizontally. A purple light shined through the wound for a moment, and then it opened up wide revealing a giant eyeball inside. The eye darted around looking in every direction almost frantically searching for her prey. "Let's see you hide from me now!" She clacked her claws and stormed off turning around a corner.
Back with Dipper and Pacifica, the picked themselves up and saw Edna transform herself from around the corner. As soon as she had 'clawed' open her new eye, the two had stopped watching and pressed their backs against the wall waiting for the witch to make her move. The sound of multiple legs hitting the ground along with a tail dragging along the ground grew some tension among the heroes. However, as it grew fainter and fainter the two heaved a heavy sigh of relief.
"Alright, so those flaming claws pretty much killed my Ice Balls plan. So instead I think we can stop her if..." Dipper stopped mid-sentence as he heard Pacifica take a sharp gasp. "Pacifica? What's wrong?"
She pointed down at he feet where he saw some of Edna's webbing stuck to the heel of his shoe. The magic was already taking hold, slowly petrifying him from the foot up.
"Well I'll be..." Dipper gave a small laugh at the sight. "The Hogwarts Reject actually managed to get a hit in."
Dipper looked at Pacifica, she seemed so sad. Her eyes were even starting to water up. 'Poor sweet thing.'
"Okay, change of plans...you're going to stop her."
"What?!"
Pacifica's shocked reaction changed the tone of the atmosphere they were sharing.
"Don't worry. I'm sure you can handle her, you already hit her with the RV."
"Yeah, with the R. V.!" Pacifica stressed. "And she still got up afterwards! I can't handle her on my lonesome! Did you see what she changed in to?! All I got is a pair of your Great Uncle's brass knuckles!"
"Which is exactly why I'm giving you my gun." He gently tossed her his gun where she fumbled it in her hands before finally catching it.
She looked at the gun and then at Dipper with a frightened look he couldn't quite place.
"No! Dipper I can't!"
The stone workings had already worked it's way up his leg, but somehow he still managed to give her a sad smile.
"Sure you can. I think we both remember what happened the last time I got turned in to an inanimate object."
The mental image of twelve year old Dipper changing in to wood flashed in her mind.
"Dipper this isn't like that time! I can't just pull a lever and make everything alright! She wants me DEAD, Dipper! I have no idea how to stop her! I can't do it!"
"Hmm. She does want you dead." Dipper mused. "So you may as well take this too!"
As the stone magic started working on his other leg, Dipper took off his trench coat and spun it around on to Pacifica's shoulders. She stared in shock at Dipper, then at the trench coat then back at Dipper.
"All my gadgets and tricks should bridge the gap between the two of you pretty well."
"Can't...Can't I stop you from turning to stone instead?!"
Pacifica hoped she didn't look as panicked as she felt but facing this monster alone without Dipper was more than a little alarming.
"No, I think you can only change me back. Edna probably knows some 'magic words' or something and... Pacifica? Are you sure you're alright?"
She gritted her teeth as some tears fell from her eyes. "No! I'm not! Okay?! I'm scared!"
Dipper's face softened at this news, even the stone worked it's way pass his belly.
"I'm scared and the most frustrating thing about it is I'm not even sure why! I've faced monsters and dangers with you before so why should now be any different?!"
"Pacifica..."
"And now you're turning to stone and I..." she fell to her knees and brushed some of her tears away. "I'm afraid." She choked back a sob. "You need me to save the day and I'm... I'm a liability."
She sighed heavily and hung her head in defeat. Then she heard the strangest noise, it sounded like Dipper grunting. She looked up to Dipper trying in vain to grab her with his arms. "What're you doing?"
"I'm trying to reach down to your level so I can comfort you but my lower body is made of stone now."
Despite the circumstances Dipper had still managed to get a small chuckle out of her.
"Jerk! Here I am pouring my heart out to about how useless and sad I'm being and you go make me laugh."
He smiled at succeeding at lightening the mood. A small victory, but a victory none the less.
"Listen Pacifica, it's okay to afraid. It'd be stupid not to be afraid in this situation! At least she only wants you dead, she wants to hook up with me!" Another small laugh chocked out of Pacifica, Dipper chalked that up as another small victory. He knew that the better she felt the better her chances were. "All joking aside, I know you can do this. The ghost, the Lightning Goblins, in case you've forgotten you were afraid with them too and you still pulled through. You'll find deep down inside that Edna is no different from them. So what if you're afraid? I know you won't let it hold you back, a Northwest has high standards right?"
She sniffled a little and then stood up. The stone magic was working it's way pass his chest but that didn't stop the two of them from sharing a smile.
"I still don't know if I can beat her." Pacifica admitted.
"I do. You're not a woman to be underestimated, I know you can rise above this challenge and come out on top."
There was a certain spark of faith in his eyes that lead her to believe him.
"It's up to you now."
The stone magic had worked its way pass his neck now.
He tipped his hat to her and gave her a playful smile. "Here's looking at you, Sweetheart."
Omake
"Found you at last!" Edna growled.
Pacifica fumbled with the gun in her hands until she finally got a good grip on it. She aimed it at Edna with fierce determination. She pulled the trigger.
*PLFT*
The whip rolled out of the barrel and flopped on to the floor.
"Damn it, Dipper! Why didn't you teach me how to use this thing?!"
That's all for now! However, for those who care...here's a little secret about Edna. She is actually the colmunation of three separate story ideas rolled in to one. The first one, of course involving gorgons. Hence the statues. However, the method of defeating her seemed to be...unoriginal? The second one was where they would have had to deal with a siren on top of a cliff, somehow this opponent seemed to easy for them to defeat for me. And finally the last one was more of spitball idea for a side story, a crossover, where Dipper and Pacifica would go up against the witches from Hocus Pocus. So I decided everything would seem more original if I tried to roll all three ideas in to one story.