I admit. Not some of my best work. Start the fic.
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Oklahoma desert...
G-men bustled about the barren train station as they tried to get everything ready for the train's arrival. Dipper, however, was charged with a different task. He was sitting on a park table doing a mountain load of paper work.
"This sucks..."
"Dipper!" Pacifica came over to him with an impatient look. "What's taking so long?!"
"Oh! We're on speaking terms again? That's a good sign!" A glare from Pacifica instantly killed his brightened mood. "Pushing it. Right. Sorry!"
Dipper put his pen down and gave Pacifica his undivided attention.
"Sigh. The better question is 'what would be going right?'"
Pacifica raised an eyebrow at him.
"This train station is barren of any shrubbery it once had; only the first sign of neglect. The track is practically buried in the ground, and with this being the desert, that is a very bad thing! So our ever so nice G-men are scrambling to get it up to code so that our fancy train can show up. I'm stuck with a mountain of paper work and finally my dear friend Artie is running late with the prisoner. I also asked Mothman for a special delivery and he still hasn't shown up with it yet. If that train gets here and he has to catch up to us after we get on... nobody is going to be happy."
"What's he supposed to be delivering?"
Dipper froze, more importantly Pacifica noticed that he froze. He sat there silently as Pacifica waited for him to answer. She tapped her foot impatiently making the situation much more tense for him.
"Uuuuuh... Never mind that! Right. Now, how about you go ask the G-men if there's any sign of... well anything we're looking for! Yes! Go see what you can do to help things along!"
"Fine!"
Pacifica stormed off grumbling something about 'dumb men and their secrets'. Dipper hung his head in shame; Mothman's delivery was supposed to be an apology gift for Pacifica. If he was right about her then it would fix everything, but only if he kept it as a surprise. The backlash of this, was her thinking he was keeping something from her. He technically was, and that only made her angrier with him.
"This really sucks!"
Fifteen minutes later and Dipper finally put the finishing touches on the paperwork. "Great! Now I can go find Pacifica and...
*VROOOOOOOOOOOOM!*
The sound of a car engine roaring caught Dipper's ear. It was pretty distant but just present enough for Dipper to hear.
"Oh I had better hurry up and catch up with Pacifica."
Speaking of Pacifica... She was with the G-men trying to help them unearth part of the track. "Okay, let me try something." She took her umbrella and turned it inside out. "I'm probably voiding the warranty by doing this but..." She pressed the button for her force field and laser beams shot out of the pointed ends and hit the ground in front of them.
*BZRRRRRRRR-RRRR-RRRR-RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-RRRRRRRRRRRR-RRRRRRRT!*
Pacifica shook violently as she tried to steady the beams. *CRACK!*
A layer of dry earth split apart revealing metal rails underneath. She turned her umbrella off and the battery shot out in to the air. She grabbed it in mid air but it was so fried she had to play hot potato with it for a minute. 'Guess I'm going to have to get another battery from the RV.'
"There! Does that help any?"
"Tons Ma'am! We'll take it from here!"
*CLAP!**CLAP!**CLAP!**CLAP!**CLAP!*
Pacifica turned around to see a red haired gentleman clapping enthusiastically. He was wearing a grey suit and sitting in a red convertible looking rather pleased with what he was seeing.
"Now that's what I call ingenuity!"
"And you are?"
"My name is Arthur, friends call me Artie. And I'm guessing that you..." he grinned. "Are not Mabel."
"Very astute. How could you tell."
"You look and act like nothing of what Dipper has told me about Mabel. So that means... he must have found a replacement. I knew he'd find somebody but I must admit, I didn't think you'd be so easy on the eyes."
Pacifica blushed at the compliment but ignored it.
"So are you, like, a British spy or something?"
"Oh please!" He stood up in his car. "I work for the UN, technically employed by all the world's governments!" He struck a dramatic pose. "I am much more elaborate than some 'spy'! I am..."
"He's an immigration officer!" Dipper shouted. He walked over after having just handing a G-man the last of the paperwork. A pen was still in his hand but it was quickly forgotten with the opportunity to give his friend a hard time.
Artie nearly fell out of his car. "I AM MUCH MORE THAN SOME MERE IMMIGRATION OFFICER!" he shouted back.
"You work you in deportation, man." Dipper said as he finally came over.
Artie sighed and hopped out of the car and walked over to Dipper. The two shared a grin before sharing a hardy handshake.
"I don't think I would be bring up hard truths with a queer hat like that."
"You're talking about the dot right?"
"Of course I'm talking about the dot!"
Dipper gave a depressed sigh but a quick throat clearing from Pacifica alerted him he still hadn't introduced her yet.
"You already figured this out but this is my replacement for Mabel, Pacifica. She's an old friend from Gravity Falls. She's very agile, can speak a bunch of different languages, and is very quick on her feet. Pacifica, this is my pal and friendly rival Artie. Every now and then a monster or whatever tries to leave their country and start trouble some place else, it is Artie's job to hunt them down and bring them to justice."
"I've never heard of place called Gravity Falls."
"It is a town easily overlooked." Pacifica explained. "Although recently it has been getting bigger. When I left there was even talk about it actually being put on the map."
"OH COME ON!" Dipper shouted.
"What's with him?" Artie asked.
"Don't mind him, he's just very nostalgic about the town."
"Well in any case..." Artie took her hand and gave it a small kiss. "It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance Miss Northwest."
Pacifica blushed but Dipper stared at scene like it was a car crash. His hand with the pen started shaking until...
*POP!*
His pen exploded in his hand drawing immediate attention to himself.
"Well that's a new one." Artie commented. "I've known you for chewing on your pens, sometimes your shirt, but never just squeezing them until they pop. I suppose it is time to get down to business anyways."
"Yeah, where is the 'prisoner'?" asked Pacifica.
"Oh. She she was being rowdy so I shoved her in the trunk."
"Isn't that a little inhumane?" asked Pacifica.
"Not for her. Trust me, any hardships or misfortunes that come her way... she's more than earned it."
They went to the back of the car and opened the trunk. A mass of grey shot out into the air... only to fall straight to the ground. What originally looked to be a white round lump with a grey bottom turned out to be the prisoner witch herself. Yes, she had made a futile attempt at escape only to literally fall flat on her face. Artie reached down and pulled her upright so his American friends could look her in the face.
Her skin was grey, covered in boils and warts. The mop on her head was what she liked to call her hair, just as dirty as one too.
"Lady and gentleman, I present to you the witch wanted around the world, the Baba Yaga!"
"Release me or else I shall place the curse of booooones on you!"
"Shut it!" Artie snapped. "Don't let her fool you. She can fly and morph her body a little a bit. But outside of that, any real power legends would say she has is just rumor and hype."
"What's her crime?"
Artie's face darkened. "She is a baby eater."
"Oh my God! That's terrible!" Pacifica exclaimed.
"Maybe from where you're standing. I love me some 'baby' back ribs." Baba Yaga chuckled.
Pacifica delivered a quick boot to the chin sending the witch reeling backwards.
Artie leaned over to Dipper and whispered to him. "My, that was quite a high kick don't you think?"
"Yeah..." Dipper smiled. "She says that she took ballet in her younger days."
Artie grinned. "So what you're saying is 'She is agile'..."
"Yeah I... wait, what?"
"What?"
"Why did you say it like... never mind!"
"Okay, she made a weird noise when I kicked her." Pacifica announced. "What's up with that?"
"Oh. That. Show her Baba Yaga."
Baga Yaga grinned a toothy smile but there were no actual teeth in her mouth. Instead she had large pieces of broken glass in her mouth sticking up like teeth.
"Oh my- WHAT IS THAT?!" Pacifica exclaimed.
"Exactly what it looks like. She had her teeth replaced with shards of glass." Artie explained.
"That's not just a crazy thing to do, that's a stupid thing to do! Why would she do something like that?!" Dipper asked.
"It's so I can savor the blood of my meals. The younger the better."
"Can we gag her?!"
"Sorry. I already tried that. Didn't go so well."
"Shouldn't we be worried about that sack?" Pacifica asked. "What if she breaks out?"
"No worries there. That's a magic sack."
"A magic sack?"
"Yes. I actually got it in Russia if you can believe it. Let me show you, be ready to catch her."
"Catch her? What?"
"Pacifica! Just get ready!" Dipper ordered. Dipper grumbled something about a 'reckless showoff' and got in to position.
Artie untied the sack and Baba Yaga flew out only to be intercepted by Dipper and Pacifica. With each holding one of her arms they turned her around to face Artie.
Artie held up the empty sack. "Do you know what this is?"
Baba Yaga kept her mouth shut tight but Dipper squeezed her arm. "Answer the man!"
"It is a sack, okay!"
"Then get in it!" ordered Artie.
Dipper signaled to Pacifica and they both let her go.
Baba Yaga face looked incredibly strained she walked over to the sack as if it was a voluntary choice. Then she climbed in and Artie tied up the opening.
"And she's caught. Catch is, she actually has to answer the question." Artie explained.
"So this sack is basically your equivalent to Dipper's gun?" Pacifica asked.
"What?! No! This isn't a weapon, it is a tool for the job! Like Dipper's President Key... only mine is better."
"It is not!" Dipper argued.
"It is so! You know why? Because mine can be used in multiple countries. Heaven forbid you ever have to open a door in Canada or something!"
Pacifica let out a small chuckle at Artie's joke. Dipper looked at her sharply with a look of betrayal on his face.
"He does kind of have a point, Dipper."
Dipper was about to comment when another G-Man walked up to him holding a stack of papers.
"Excuse me, sir. You still have paper work."
"What? No I don't! I just finished the last of it!"
"No sir, that was for receiving the prisoner! This lot here is for transporting the prisoner, working with a foreign officer, and promising to maintain the secrecy of the McGucket Brand Train."
"Fine!" Dipper pulled out another pen from his pocket. "Luckily I have a spare. Artie, want to help me with this stack?"
"What? Don't look at me, mate. I finished all my paperwork before I even got here. Why do you think I was late?"
*CHOO!**CHOO!*
A chrome train with ten cars came to a screeching halt on the tracks. A blue aura was surrounding it, but as the train became stationary, it began to dissipate. Some of it could remind a person a little of the shacktron in that some of the train parts were taken from other machinery. For example, the cow catcher was a plow from a bulldozer. From the engine to the caboose, blue electricity flowed through it as if it were one giant circuit board.
The conductor emerged from the train, Dipper had to stifle back a laugh at his appearance. He was wearing a classic stripped train conductor's outfit complete with puffed up hat.
"Sorry I'm late, my name is Patrick Ansu. I'm the conductor, you can call me Pat."
"What is with the outfit?" Dipper asked.
"It is kind of why I was late. I was dressing up for my four year old daughter and... well long story short, our babysitter canceled last minute."
"Wait! You didn't bring her here did you?!" asked Pacifica.
"We're transporting a child eater, man!" added Artie.
"No! No! No!" Pat reassured them. "That would have been a ferociously bad idea! A government agent agreed to watch her before I departed! We're all good!"
"Aw nuts!" swore Baba Yaga.
Everybody else gave a sigh of relief.
"Great! We'll load up the criminal, I'll set my car to follow and we'll be on our way!"
"Hold on, Artie! There is no way your spy car is going to be any closer to this job than it already has been! It is too risky!"
"So wait, your spy car is an actual spy car? Like, James Bond style?" asked Pacifica.
"Oh yes! It has missiles and oil slicks and everything! I can even summon it and have it on remote control; kind of ridiculous how Dipper sticks his nose up at it. I mean he could have given that rust bucket he calls an RV every single gadget my convertible has and more but he refuses!"
"That's because I SLEEP THERE! I mean just the missiles alone, one bad speed bump and the 'missiles' would make the whole thing go KABLOOEY!"
"What about you, Pacifica? Would you prefer your home to have gadgets or no gadgets?"
"I think we should just get going already!"
"An intelligent choice from an intelligent woman!"
"Why thank you!"
The pen in Dipper's hand started shaking until...
*POP!*
"Oh man! Again? Pacifica, could you go in to the RV and get my box of pens?"
"What? But I wanted to check out the train!"
"Please, Pacifica?"
"Fine! I'll go get them!"
Pacifica stormed off leaving the two of them alone.
"Brrrr!" Artie shivered. "I don't even know what's going on and even I can feel the chill coming off of that cold shoulder. What did you even do?"
"Well the short version I violated her trust and I made feel disrespected."
"'Made her feel disrespected'? What is that supposed to... Oh wait! You listened to your head on this bird didn't you?"
"My head knows things!"
"Yes it does, but it is never as smart as you think it is!"
A ruckus coming from the RV caught their attention; they both flinched as they heard Pacifica swear as she searched the RV.
"Is she on her period?" Artie asked.
"No!" Dipper paused for a moment and then slumped his shoulders in defeat. "... Maybe. She's pretty good at hiding it."
"Why would she feel the need to hi..."
"I don't know! Anyways, I'll have you know that I'm not going to let things stay like this! I've got a plan to set things right, and if it works then I will have successfully apologized, make things right, and reestablish trust. I told Mothman to get this special item and to meet us at the drop point!"
"Mmhmm! I see. Tell me mate, when you thought up this 'plan' how many 'steps' did you put in to it? You know what; scrap that! Just answer yes or no... You 'listened to your head' on this plan?"
"I... sigh... no, not really. I just thought it would be a sweet gesture which would say a lot."
"Well that settles it then... it is sure to work!"
"What? Really?"
"Yes. I don't know if anybody has ever told you this before, but you have this nasty habit of getting in your own way."
Dipper instantly face palmed.
"And I am saying this as your friend... you usually have the most success when you listen to your other body parts. You know, like your heart of your gut."
"Wow! Thanks man!"
"Too bad I'm going to snipe her away from you before you get the chance!"
"What?!"
"Oh come on Dipper. You don't think you're the only one who sees her potential do you? She's well versed in multiple languages and, for my job, that is a huge plus. If she were to join me, she could travel the world instead of just one country. It could be a very good opportunity for her and I'd wager she would be smart enough to recognize that."
"Hey! Now you can't just take my friend from me like that!"
"Oh don't worry Dipper. You'll still be her friend, but I am aiming to be something much more than a friend to her!"
"Now hold on just a minute...!"
"Dipper, Dipper, Dipper! In case you've forgotten we've already had this talk years ago! Remember? When it comes to attractive women? All is fair in love and war."
Dipper silently fumed at him but didn't do anything other than give him a mean glare.
"Not to worry though, like we agreed upon all those years ago... it is the lady's choice. May the best man win."
Plushy Dipper sat on Pacifica's bed as she searched through the RV for Dipper's box of pens.
"Why couldn't he just have the box some place obvious?! Stupid Dipper!"
She turned and looked at Plushy Dipper. "Of course I don't think he's actually stupid! How could you ask that Plushy Dipper?"
Plushy Dipper continued to sit on the bed silently.
"I know I'm being harsh with him! And I DO forgive him! After all, he was right, right? I'm just...still so MAD at him!"
Plushy Dipper tipped over to his right side.
"Don't give me that look Plushy Dipper! Of course he's still my friend! If I could just stop I would! Maybe this is my fault..."
She picked up Plushy Dipper and sat on the bed. "After what him and his sister did for me... shoot! After what they did for EVERYONE, maybe I kind of put him on a pedestal which he couldn't actually reach? He's only human after all... and maybe I should just accept that... he's just not that twelve year old little boy anymore. He's going to have faults and..."
She hugged Plushy Dipper. "Maybe I don't know him as well as I thought."
Pacifica held Plush Dipper at arms length. "Artie? Well now you're just talking nonsense! Although I do admit, it is nice to be flirted with again. Back in Gravity Falls I used to get that kind of attention almost daily. Kind of nice to get a little bit of the old life back."
Then, on the floor in the kitchen nook, Pacifica spotted a cardboard box on the ground. Investigating it, she found it full of blue pens.
"How do you like that, Plushy Dipper? I found the box!"
Just outside the train...
Dipper and Artie stood on both sides of the stairs to the train. Dipper had not lost his sour expression but Artie seemed to be in the exact opposite mood. And this was for one reason and one reason only...
"Pink hat!"
"Stop it."
"Pink hat!"
"Stop it!"
"Pink hat!"
"Stop it!"
"Your hat makes you look like a queery!"
"I KNOW!"
He was teasing Dipper.
"Oh! Here comes Pacifica, stow the juvenile stuff!"
Pacifica shoved the cardboard box in to Dipper's chest. "Here's your pens! I'm going to go inspect the cars."
She roughly passed both of them and entered the train.
Artie hefted Baba Yaga over his shoulder and also entered the train.
Dipper, unlike his comrades, did not board the train immediately. He sat on the step with his cardboard box next to him. He needed a minute.
He rested his chin in his hands. "How did things spiral this fast out of control?"
*BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!*
Dipper stood up. "Wait! I know that buzzing!"
From the distance Dipper could make out a figure in the sky. It was getting bigger as it drew nearer.
"Mothman!" Dipper cheered.
The giant insect man flew down to Dipper in a crooked flight pattern.
"Dipper! Didn't think I'd make it! This heat here is making me loopy man!"
"I'm sorry to hear that man, but did you bring it?"
"Yeah, I got it right here."
Mothman handed Dipper a small plastic box, similar to the one which contained the infinity sided dice but bigger.
"Quite the order you got there."
"Yeah, lot of paperwork but it should be worth it. What's inside this... should fix everything!"
Omake
"Alright, Artie! I've had enough! I don't like how you look at Pacifica and I'm NOT going to just let you take her away from me!"
"Very well then, Dipper. Let this be our final battle!"
*SLAP!**SLAP!**SLAP!**SLAP!**SLAP!**SLAP!**SLAP!**SLAP!**SLAP!**SLAP!**SLAP!**SLAP!**SLAP!*
Pacifica opened the door to the compartment to see Dipper and Artie having a slap fight while doing their best to keep their faces away from the fight.
"... What're you doing?"
Dipper and Artie stopped for a moment and looked at Pacifica.
"Well you don't expect us to actually fight do you?" Dipper asked.
"We could actually hurt ourselves!" Artie exclaimed.
Pacifica rolled her eyes ironically. "Men!"
That's it for now. know I'm taking a bit of a gamble with Artie, last time I tried to introduce a OC close to the MC's level it did not go over well. Well let me tell you, Artie has his own set of weaknesses I will be introducing next chapter and most likely the following. I also had my brother-in-law Jeremiah spellcheck the chapter so if you find any missing words or whatever... blame him. And before you ask, YES, Dipper will be going through a lot of pens on this adventure. I will also be going over the train more next chapter. This adventure is supposed to be basically the growing pains for Dipper and Pacifica BUT I do have a twist in it which I doubt you'll see coming. Tis a BIT cliche' but one I think I will have fun with, and maybe you will too. If you enjoyed this chapter then let me hear it, it really helps me write.