This promises to be the most fun arc of all. Start the fic.
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*CLICK!* *CLICK!*
The Love God threw up his arms in surrender as he suddenly found himself in quite a dangerous pickle. Dipper aiming at his head with his special gun and Pacifica with her umbrella pointing in to his back.
"WHOA! HOSTILE TERRITORY ALERT!"
"Dipper," Pacifica's eyes were glued to the back of the Love God, her finger poised to send out her taser. "Who is this clown? Another work friend?"
"He's no work friend! He's not even a friend! In fact I haven't even seen him for ten years!"
"Ten years? Wait! You mean he's from Gravity Falls?! I would remember a freak like him!"
"What he is, is in the room! And I am not from someplace as stationary as that backwoods town! Honey Pants, you are looking at the one and only Love God! Now put the weapons down, I'm a lover not a fighter."
"...Who?"
Dipper and Pacifica lowered their weapons but the Love God sharply turned on Pacifica. "The Love God? Hello?! Star of the music video which has been blowing up the internet?!"
"Nope." Pacifica answered. "Nothing."
"You were the star of a viral video but that was ten years ago. They don't 'blow up' for ten years!"
"Wrongo Angel! The internet is forever and so is love!"
"Enough! What are you doing here?! You're the Love God, sure, but you've made it plainly clear that you held no love for me OR Mabel!"
"This is true." His expression turned sour for a fraction of a second but it was quickly replaced with a look of urgency. "But I am in a serious pickle and beggars can't be choosers. You two came highly recommended by my homeboy Jack Frost!"
"Jack Frost is your friend?!" accused Pacifica. "Well no wonder I don't like you! That guy froze my panty drawer, I mean like my ENTIRE panty drawer! It was one solid chunk of ice! It took me forever to melt it with my hairdryer!"
"Yeah, that sounds like Jack!" The Love God shook his head with nostalgia. "He recommended you two and despite my history with Mr. Fancy Fedora over here, I really need help!"
"Alright, enough! Sit down and we'll hear you and your problem out!" ordered Dipper.
The Love God turned to the table and quickly took notice of the pizza there. "Oh sweet! I love me some Zza!"
He sat down and quickly started scarfing down Dipper and Pacifica's pizza. Pacifica took aim again with her umbrella but Dipper calmly forced her to lower it shaking his head.
"Dipper, how do you know this freak?!"
"Ten years ago during the Woodstick Festival this guy blew in to town and Mabel stole his love potion to get our favorite officer hooked up with his wife!"
Pacifica rolled her eyes. "Whatever!"
Dipper and Pacifica sat opposite of the Love God. "So what happened?"
"To put it simply, I've been robbed!"
"I'm not arresting Mabel!" announced Dipper.
"Not that robbery! Although, now that you mention it..."
"Love God!" Pacifica snapped. "Get to the point! The case! Details!"
"Right. Anyways, this street gang stole my little love bug from me!"
"Love bug?" echoed Dipper.
"Yeah he's this little stag beetle who is the basis for all my love potions! I think they found my video, tracked me down, and basically mugged me!"
"And how did they find out about your 'love bug'?" asked Pacifica.
"Well their ring leader was real big on learning about how my potions worked and he... sort of... beat the information out of me."
He looked to the detectives for sympathy at this little reveal of information but when he didn't get any he pressed on.
"So instead of taking one of my potions he took the short term equivalent, my little buddy Herbie, and then got his buddies to beat me up some more so I couldn't chase after him!"
"Wait, you have a love bug... and you named him 'Herbie'?" asked Dipper.
"Yeah. Why?" The Love God looked at Pacifica and Dipper confused about their incredulous looks. "What? What?! You're looking at me like I'm making some kind of reference or something. His name is Herbie I tell you!"
Pacifica shook her head. "Nevermind."
"Okay, they took your... ahem, 'Herbie' after tracking you down. Any idea why they would want it?"
"Well if they only took my little buddy Herbie then it has to be to use his raw love power."
"Raw love power?" Dipper repeated.
"Yeah! As opposed to my love potions? Which actually require a reci..."
"Okay!" snapped Pacifica. "We get it! Just tell us what happens when someone is zapped by this 'raw love power' of your cockroach!"
"First off Angry Pants, he's a beetle not a cockroach. Second off, he doesn't 'zap' anyone he just bites them... with his cute little pincers."
"Alright, what happens when he bites someone?" asked Dipper.
"Well it kind of becomes one of those love at first sight kind of deals. Whoever Herbie bites falls in love with the first person they see?"
"Anyone?"
"Nah, he maybe a powerful godly familiar but he's still just a little bug. My potions are more powerful and more versatile, his bite on his own has severe limitations. It only works when the person bitten sees someone of the opposite gender and family members aren't even part of the equation here."
"You're sort of confirming that you're as stupid as I think you are here." noted Pacifica.
"What do you mean?"
Dipper elbowed Pacifica and she rolled her eyes. "Forget it. Continue."
"Yes. When someone has this 'Love at First Sight Bite' exactly what is that like."
The Love God threw his head back in frustration. "Okay, let me think! How can I explain this?" He snapped his fingers. "Got it! You ever see Bambi?"
Pacifica and Dipper shared a look. "I think everybody has."
"Remember the twitterpated scene? That is kind of what it is like to be bitten by Herbie."
It was Dipper's turn to stare at the Love God incredulously. "Are you serious right now?"
"You know it! Also, the person bitten hears a song when they see the person they're about to fall in love with."
"What kind of song?" asked Pacifica curiously.
"Depends. It varies from person to person."
"You mean it varies from the person who got bit or it varies depending on who they see?" asked Dipper.
The Love God smiled, closing his eyes in a content manner for his reply. "Yes."
Pacifica stood up. "I can't deal with this anymore! Dipper, I guess you can say I'm going on break."
"Why?"
"Because if I have to listen to this guy anymore I'm going to, like, bang my head against the table! I need a break!"
"That's fine. I get it, he's a lot to deal with." Dipper answered.
"Okay, that's cool Baby!"
Pacifica left the RV and Dipper delivered an annoyed glared to the cherub. "Don't call my partner 'Baby'."
"Bro, is she your work partner or life partner?" Love God raised his eyebrows suggestively.
"My li-wo-SHUT UP! Focus! Where did this all happen?"
"About two cities away down south."
"And what did the perpetrators look like?"
"Well their ring leader looked like something out of Grease. Thick bouncy hair, leather jacket, the works ya know?"
"What about a name? Gangs have to call themselves something."
"Didn't really catch that. I was a little busy getting stuffing kicked out of me, but I did see that they all rode off on motorcycles."
"Well I suppose that's something. Now I think it is time we talked about the matter of payment."
"Oh no, dude. I think you'll find that this case is free of charge. On you bro!"
"That's not how this works!" Dipper snapped.
"Oh I think you'll that's how it works this time! You see, I still remember how your sister ROBBED from me TWICE!"
"Love God, that was ten years ago!"
"So what?! Those potions have the potential to be more dangerous than a gun! And thanks to the judicial system YOU helped set up, I can press charges against her now!"
"What?!"
"You heard me! You either help me out for free or your sister is going to be standing before a judge!"
Dipper glared furiously at him. "You know, for an immortal being all about love you sure do know how to hold a grudge!"
"That's life Chief, but I gotta say... I really like the green band wrapped around your hat. Very shiny!"
"Oh, you like that? Pacifica, picked it out."
"She really has an eye for admiration trinkets."
"Yeah she... what? You mean an eye for accessories don't you?"
"No."
"...Then what are you..."
"Dude. She is into you. Duh!"
Dipper immediately blushed and scratched his neck nervously. "Whaaaat? I don't-You're crazy man! She doesn't..."
"And Bro, she has you wrapped around her little finger so tightly you're like a pinky glove. I know a two way street when I see one!"
Dipper laughed nervously. "Ha ha HA ha ha! I have no idea what you're talking about, man! I-secretly-hope-this-is-true-but-don't-want-to-get-my-hopes-up."
"Dude, you do know I can hear you right?"
Dipper's eyes widened in surprise. "What?! No you can't! I'm talking under my breath!"
"No! No you're not! You're just speaking very fast! I can hear you, anybody could hear you! You're keeping nothing from anybody!"
Dipper stared down at the table in shock as the gravity of the words sunk in.
"...Oh my God."
"You mean 'Oh your Love God' right?"
Dipper's gaze never left the table but he held up his gun to the Love God's face.
*PLOOT!*
"I need to go outside."
Outside...
Dipper found Pacifica pacing back and forth grumbling to herself.
"Pacifica?"
"Dipper! We can just turn him down right?"
"What?"
"Don't we have a right to refuse service claim or something?"
"No. And even if we did we couldn't use it. He has something on Mabel so we have to take the case... for free."
"Free?! Why that no good piece of..."
"I know! I know! I feel the same way, but we got to do it! Starting with going to the city he saw the gang in."
Pacifica pouted. "But Dipper... We're finally in New York! We have to, like, find out what they're up to! We both know it can't be anything good!"
"I'm sorry, Pacifica. If it makes you feel any better I plooted his face."
Pacifica smiled a small humored grin. "Well, maybe that helps a little."
This was the moment the Love God stumbled out blindly of the RV, his head still completely encased in a goop ball.
"And seeing that, helps a lot!" laughed Pacifica.
Dipper handed Pacifica his Pterodactyl knife. "Here. I got to get the RV ready to move, you get Mr. Love Guru out of the bubble."
"Sure thing."
Omake
Pacifica grabbed the Love God but he was still lumbering around for balance.
"Hold still! You don't want me to stab you in the face do you?!"
Pacifica punctured one hole into the glob and pushed the dagger through to the other side causing the thing to deflate.
The Love God ripped one of the holes open and fell on the ground with a big gasp of air. He didn't stay down for long though, he popped up soon enough and rested on a nearby table.
"Sorry about that." apologized Pacifica. "I think maybe he did that to you just so I could feel better about leaving."
"I know. I heard. So that guy has how to make you smile down to a science, huh?"
"Wait, could you hear us with your head all plooted?"
"You know it Sweet Thing! And by the way, you two are so adorbs!"
"Ador-Oh! Gross! Are you 'shipping' us?!"
"Bra, I am the Love God! Did you actually expect me NOT to ship?"
That's it for now. I hope enjoyed this chapter because this is only the tip of the iceberg. Leave me a review if you enjoyed this chapter.