Sorry this took so long. The beginning was really tough to get through but after that everything flowed together. Start the fic.
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Dipper and Pacifica were in their normal outfits now, sitting with the bikers in front of their RV.
Gorney had been acting as their mediator. He was ready to begin but he needed to do a quick sidebar with Patches.
"Ruffles, are sure about these two?"
"Pacifica is tougher than she looks and Dipper... well remember when I told you about how I gotten eaten by that candy monster as a kid?"
"The one that 'twaumatized' you?"
"Ha. Ha. Ha." Gorney rolled his eyes. "I miss my R one time... Anyways, yeah! That's the one! That thing may have eaten me but Dipper and his friends? They managed to KILL that thing!"
"Alright man. Nuff said."
Patches shook hands with Gorney and took his seat with the rest of the bikers. Gorney swung his arms into a clap earning everyone's attention.
"Okay, first lets start off with introductions. You all know me," he held out his arms wide "My name is Gorney; but here in the gang I go by the name Ruffles. This is because I'll ruffle your feathers and I love ruffled potato chips." He motioned over to Patches. "This is Patches, he's second in command of our little gang." He pointed at the twins with the Mohawk and reverse Mohawk. "These are the twins, Plug and Outlet. Named that for obvious reasons. Moving over to greater heights is the tallest member of group Chester, he graduated from the Queensberry Rules class of boxing."
Pacifica leaned over to Dipper and whispered. "Is that supposed to be some kind of elective or something?"
"I wouldn't call attention to it." Dipper whispered back.
Gorney continued as if they hadn't said anything. "Here we have Sweetie, debutante of our little gang and our best chain welder."
She merely nodded at the detectives letting Gorney move on.
"And finally we have our official wild card, Horace."
Gorney held up a chain where at the end of it Horace was cocooned in a mess of chains.
"Have I told you about my Sweetie yet?" asked Horace.
"I am NOT yours!" snapped Sweetie.
"So minus our 'fearless leader'," continued Gorney. "That's our little street gang. Snuggle Chains, this is Dipper and Pacifica from my hometown of Gravity Falls. They were at the epicenter for more than one crazy goings on there and it looks like they turned their experience in to a career."
"Nice to uh 'officially' meet you." greeted Dipper.
"Are you sure you guys are a 'street' gang? You don't really look like you like being stationary, to me it looks like you'd prefer to be out on the road." asked Pacifica.
"That's because we originally WERE a biker gang! This whole street gang crap isn't by choice!" explained Patches.
"Ya see," Gorney started. "We're bound by our own rules and laws to obey the leader of the group, the guy who isn't here, no matter what it is. Even if its to abandon our biker history and become a... sigh... a street gang."
"Well why don't you just boot him as the leader?" asked Pacifica.
"We don't work like that! Mutinies aren't really the way of the Snuggle Chains! The only way you can lose rank of leader is through a trial by combat or lack of appearance."
"Lack of appearance?" asked Pacifica.
"Yeah, you know. Like if he doesn't show up or make contact in like three months or something. As far as trial by combat goes... none of us have been able to take him down." Gorney put a hand on Patches' shoulder. "Even our own Patches has tried three times and failed."
"No one can swing a chain better than our 'fearless' leader Julian." Patches clarified.
"Okay so why does 'Julian' want the Love God's stupid bug?" asked Pacifica.
"So he can use it, duh!" snapped Sweetie.
Pacifica was about to stand up and say something but Dipper managed to settle her down.
"Allow me to rephrase!" pleaded Dipper. "What is Julian's plan WITH the bug? What's his motive?"
"In order to understand that you need to understand a little bit of Julian's history." explained Gorney "He wasn't always the punk he is today, he was actually born in to a very rich family but then one day his family lost it all. Bankruptcy! He took it personally; so he grew up bitter and angry at the world for forcing him to a life he was not accustomed to. Thing was, he could never really do anything about... well until one night he met the quote unquote 'love of his life'... Diana. A rich debutante who decided to see how the other half lived. "
"Diana?" echoed Pacifica.
"This is about a girl?" scoffed Dipper.
"They were both sort of young when they first met. Diana represented everything taken away from Julian, and Diana... well she was going through a phase."
"Teenaged rebellion?" queried Dipper.
"You got it. Except Julian never got to be the 'bad boy' a girl dates to piss off her parents."
"Why not?" asked Pacifica.
"No chemistry. That's right, she just came down from up on high to get a taste of the biker experience but she never developed a taste for Julian. For him it was love at first sight but she was only uninterested when it came to him. It was like Romeo and Juliet... just without the Juliet. Or is it without the Romeo? I guess without..."
"Gorney!" Pacifica snapped. "Focus!"
"Oh! Sorry. Anyways, her little rebellion only lasted about a week, then she was gone. Julian didn't like that, he didn't like that at all. Diana represented his old life, and he figured that if he really wanted to get it back then he would have to get with her but..."
"She didn't care about him." finished Dipper.
"We're talking about a below zero cold shoulder. This went on for years, Julian pinning for a woman who just wouldn't love him back. He refused to leave the city, made us give up our life on the road until he could get what he wanted. It seemed like a dead end for him; right up until he came across a certain hippie."
"The Love God." Dipper deadpanned.
"You got it. We saw this loser on the internet and when we found out he was in town we decided to..."
"Rob him?" asked Pacifica.
"What? No! We decided beating on him would be a good time because he looks like the type who would make funny noises when you hit him! We were correct, but then he tried to fight us with some stupid thing called Visions of Heartbreak Past. Didn't even slow us down, some of us may be drop outs but we're smart enough to know people aren't bright pink."
"So how did you learn about the bug?" asked Dipper.
"Well Julian realized that if he can do something like create images of our exes then maybe he had some other legit love crap he could use. At first he just wanted that stupid rope belt but in an act of defiance Chubs smashed all the bottles so he had to rough him up a bit. That's when he squeaked about how he made his potions and our 'leader' decided to take the bug."
"So he's going to use it on Diana so she'll love him." deduced Dipper.
"Yes and no. Julian decided that just having her love him wouldn't be enough to get his old life back, instead he thought up of something much worse. After having the bug bite her and being the first person she sees, he... well skipping all the nuts and bolts he puts a baby in her belly."
"He's going to rape her?!" roared Pacifica.
"Its not rape if she consents." Gordy clarified.
"Yes it is!" argued Pacifica.
"Pacifica," Dipper soothed. "let the man finish, then you can be as upset as you like. I'll even join you."
"Now, like I was trying to say... getting Diana pregnant is just a means to an end. To save her reputation her parents might insist that she marry him to avoid paparazzi vultures, but even if they don't he'd still be entitled to visitation rights. They aren't the type to support abortion if you know what I mean."
Pacifica said nothing but her eye was twitching irritably.
"Okay, we have the motive now. So his scheme is to have Diana bit so she can fall in love with him long enough for him to...yeah! Now tell us, exactly when and where is he making his move?" asked Dipper.
"Tomorrow night, at their giant mansion." answered Patches.
"That doesn't give us a lot of time to make a plan. Even if we just walk right up and arrest him something could still happen to the bug, it could scurry off or even get squished." pondered Dipper.
"That's where we can come in. If you can promise us that you'll put Julian away long enough for us to be free from him, then we can surround the place closing off his escape and ensuring the two of you can take your time to secure the bug and arrest him!" Patches
"Okay, that's a good start but that still doesn't answer how we're going to get in." Dipper
"How was Julian going to get in?" asked Pacifica.
"Well," Outlet began. "Julian managed to intercept one of their invitations before it reached the post office. He was going to use that to get in."
"Could you make us a copy or something?" asked Dipper.
"Yeah, I doubt Julian would even notice what we're doing what with how much preparation he's going in to on how he looks."
"That brings us to another little issue, Dipper. We can disguise ourselves as party goers but that means that you are going to need a tuxedo, so you know what that means don't you?" Pacifica smirked.
Dipper paled at the realization.
"Oh no..."
"Shopping!"
A small chuckle rippled through the crowd of bikers.
"Pacifica, please..."
"Tuxes aren't cheap, Dipper. There's no getting out of this one."
Dipper quickly turned to the others. "Gorney? Bikers? Help?!"
The window the RV opened and the Love God poked his head out.
"Can I come out yet? Like they aren't going to beat me? Right?"
"Yeah, I think you're safe." Dipper answered dryly.
"You're kidding me! HE'S your client?" asked Plug.
"Yes, but we're not happy about it either." Pacifica deadpanned.
"Are you seriously surprised?"
"Guess not." shrugged Outlet.
"So have you come up with a flawless plan to rescue my little Herbie yet?"
"Sort of." answered Pacifica.
"We have PARTS of a plan!" confessed Dipper. "There's still a LOT of details to try and iron out."
The Love God ventured out of the RV and placed his arms around Dipper and Pacifica.
"Well sometimes you just have to wing it. Maybe that's what we should do here!" pitched the Love God.
"...I hate everything about that idea!" Dipper sneered.
"You know, he makes a squeaky noise when you punch him in the gut." notified Plug.
Pacifica delivered a quick blow to the Love God's stomach.
*SQUEAKY!*
"Huh. I feel a little better now."
Dipper sighed. "This isn't going to be easy."
"Oh!" Pacifica piped up. "I just realized! We still have to warn Diana!"
"Good thinking, Pacifica! Patches, Julian's a dirt bag of a creep so he's gotta have some means of contacting her, right?"
"Yeah, you'd THINK he'd have her phone number or something but she's actually been pretty dedicated at making sure he doesn't get any of that kind of stuff."
"Then how'd he get the invite?" Dipper raised an eyebrow.
"Nobody's perfect." shrugged Patches.
"Alright then, we'll do it in person then."
"I wouldn't bet on it." cringed Chester.
"Why not?"
"She's kind of busy running all over town in final preparations for tomorrow's party." explained Gorney. "You'd never catch her bro."
"Fine then, we're just going to have to wing it and adapt to the changes and wild cards!"
The next evening...
Dipper and Pacifica pulled up to a huge mansion. Its building structure was very similar to the Northwest but were as the Northwest mansion had stone walls and hedges this one had sidewalks and street lamps.
"So this is the place huh? Say, why don't we just intercept the creep before he even gets in?" pitched Pacifica.
"Because that could hurt the bug, and the more cautious we are the more likely we won't see the Love God again." answered Dipper.
"Fair enough. This is a pretty decent sized mansion though, it could be very easy to lose track of that buttface inside. We'll have to be diligent!" noted Pacifica.
"Reminds me a lot of your old mansion. Does this place give you any nostalgia for your old childhood home?" Dipper asked.
"A little, but not a lot. Yeah, this place is just as fancy but there's more than a few differences too."
"What do you mean?"
"Well for starters, this place isn't up on a hill overlooking the town. It is down here on the ground with the people. Next there's no wall to keep people out, there isn't even a gate. This place is more of a town hall then a private mansion."
"I think I understand what you're saying. It's like... like..."
Pacifica smiled. "Northwest Mansion... Pines style."
They parked the RV and Dipper and the Love God got out so Pacifica could change in to her dress gown.
"Why are we even out here? I thought she had a privacy screen... you know, the one in front of her bed."
Dipper knew it was because Pacifica wanted her outfit to be a big reveal, it was the Northwest in her, but he also had a job for the Love God.
"Because you have to set out to do your part!" Dipper handed the Love God their weapons and regular clothes. "Obviously we can go in there fully tricked out so we need you to be waiting outside one of the windows to give us our essentials."
"Hey, this is a really nice green fedora!"
"Yes. Yes it is. Now get going!"
The Love God wobbled off towards the mansion struggling to keep everything stacked.
"And you'd better not lose anything!" Dipper shouted.
Inside the RV...
Pacifica was admiring herself in the bathroom mirror. She had to admit, it looked much better on her then her lounge singer dress. It was a simple evening dress, no shoulders, but the shade of red was striking and demanded attention. It wasn't made of silk, such a material she had to sacrifice for her new life, but she wore it well and secretly hoped that Dipper would 'appreciate' it. And best of all was it was on sale; Pacifica always appreciated a good sale and this one got Dipper a new tux as well.
She was ready to grace the outside world with her presence but it occurred to her that she hadn't had the RV to herself since she got the magical flue so she took a moment to take everything in. Her bed, the privacy curtain Dipper had created for her in a oh-so gentleman manner, the kitchen nook where she had that death battle with the pancake monster, Dipper's fold out couch bed (it just occurred to her that Dipper literally sleeps on the couch for no greater reason than her sake), the television on the table across from it where she watched her shows... they might not be HBO quality but she found herself wrapped up in them none the less; then in the stretch there was the door outside where Dipper was waiting and beyond that...
"The driver's seat..." she muttered.
While the true memorable thing about up there was her using the RV to hit Edna with, there was always memory about it lingering in the back of her head. One stormy night she flipped through his book and found a page about the Jersey Devil. It was blank though, he hadn't written anything there. It was very strange, even by Dipper's standards.
She shrugged. It was another problem for another day, right now it was time to dazzle.
Pacifica kicked the door to the RV open and struck a pose. "Presenting, Detective Northwest!"
She walked out of the RV as if she was a model on the cat walk. She held her chin up in confidence and peeked an eye open for Dipper's reaction. His reaction was actually different from seeing her in her biker disguise. He wasn't as stiff as a board, his jaw wasn't on the floor, and he was only a little red. He did have his mouth open in a open faced grin, he definitely liked what he saw.
'Not quite what I was aiming for, but I'll take it.' thought Pacifica.
"Well, how do I look?"
"You look..."
"Amazing? Of course I do! I look amazing in anything! Of course it takes, like, silk to truly make me shine but I can pull anything off!"
"Hard to argue with the results!"
Pacifica's smile only grew. "Okay now it's your turn! Go put on your tux!"
She started pushing him in to the RV. "I still don't understand why I couldn't wear my butler outfit."
"Ugh! You were NOT pulling that look off at all! You should be, like, thanking me for finding you an outfit which actually suits you!"
"Alright, alright!" Dipper went in. "I shouldn't be long."
With the door closed, Pacifica proceeded to wait.
'Hm...' she thought to herself. 'We really need to pack some lawn chairs or something. I always feel like we should be sitting down to wait; especially when we don't know for certain how long we'll be waiting. I say lawn chairs but I keep picturing a picnic table instead. Maybe I should have a talk with Dipper about this?'
"Okay, I think I'm ready as I can be."
Pacifica playfully rolled her eyes. "Alright then, let's see the damage."
Dipper stepped out and Pacifica's jaw dropped.
Every woman's crazy about a sharp dressed man
"Well? How do I look?"
Pacifica could feel a little bit of drool seeping out from the side of her mouth. She quickly slapped herself to bring her back down to Earth.
"Wow Dipper! You look really- wait..."
"What? What's wrong?"
Dipper's bow tie had come completely undone.
"Your bow tie, you didn't do it right."
She walked right over to him and started to fix it for him.
"I can't believe you never learned how to wear a tie properly. Solve supernatural mysteries? No problem. Wear a tie? Completely helpless. I swear the more things change the more they stay the same."
She was almost done when decided to take a chance and glance up at his face. There was a light blush on both of their faces, Pacifica's eyes darted back down to her job.
"All things considered though, you do look like a rather dapper Dipper."
"Thanks." Dipper squeaked.
Dipper's tie was done and Pacifica stood quietly in front of him with her hands folded patiently.
Dipper held out his elbow to her. "Shall we?"
She hooked his arm. "Let's shall! Half the point of parties like these is to show off anyways! Let's knock'em dead!"
The mansion...
The inside of the mansion reminded Dipper of the Northwests, there was fancy everything! Pacifica, on the other hand was looking all over the place at the guests. For once Dipper was stumped, he couldn't figure out what she was doing.
"Pacifica! Head in the game! We have to get ready!"
"Dipper, wait! I recognize these people!"
"What do you mean?"
"The guests! I know them! Those twins over there, they're Yolanda and Yolinda! And over there! That's Joanne, she's from..."
"Whoa! Whoa! Slow down, Sweetheart! Exactly how many people here do you know?"
"Like, maybe half!"
"Really?"
"An argument could be made for more but yes!"
"How? How do you know these people?"
"I'm a Northwest, remember? I grew up with the upper crust, some of these people I've known since I was a little girl others I only recognize from my globe hopping wonder years!"
"What does this mean for us? Are they like your father or...?"
"No. Not really. If anything I think it might actually give us an advantage."
"How do you mean?"
"Well I don't think we can disguise ourselves as anything other than what we are. I'm too recognizable here. I do think, however, if we explain our situation they'd be willing to help us out."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously! We might have just gotten ourselves a heap full of allies!"
Dipper loosened up a little.
"This is great!"
"It really is. Now buckle up, Sherlock. You're gonna be in MY world soon enough!"
Omake
Dipper and Pacifica walked up to a butler who was standing in front of the door to the ballroom.
"How may I announce you?" asked the butler.
"Oh! Well this is Pacifica Northwest and I'm... uh..."
"This!" Pacifica cut in. "Is my HUSBAND, Mason "Dipper" Pines!"
Dipper's mind went blank for a second as he stared at Pacifica in shock. His blush seemed to light the entire room with it's red glow.
Pacifica looked at him with a tense smile. "Isn't that RIGHT, Dippy... pants?"
Dipper swallowed a large lump in his throat.
"THAT'S RIGHT, MY SWEET LITTLE POOPY-HEAD!" Dipper awkwardly shouted.
The butler rolled his eyes. "Stay right here." He opened the door and stepped out in to the ballroom.
"What was with the volume?!" Pacifica whispered harshly.
"I panicked!" Dipper confessed. "You sprung that out of nowhere! Why did you do that?!"
"How else would you explain someone who ISN'T rich or famous being with a Northwest?!" she hissed.
"Fine! Anything else you want to criticize me for?!"
"Poopy-head?" shot Pacifica.
"Dippy-pants?" Dipper shot back.
"Fair enough." Pacifica deadpanned.
She sighed and gave Dipper a comforting look. "We can do this!" The butler bowed letting them in. "Just follow my lead!"
That's it for now. If you want me to update sooner then tell me what you enjoyed about this chapter.