The Day Scabior Lost His Pants
A/N:This story is a completely random idea that popped into my mind early one morning after I woke up, and I just had to write it down.
For sumatranfox. I'm glad you liked this story so much and that it made you laugh.
Our story begins early one morning in the Snatcher's campsite as Scabior is just waking up.
Scabior yawned and stretched, then tied his unruly hair back with a black ribbon and got out of bed. When he went to get dressed, Scabior's clothes were right where he left them the previous evening, which means they were still thrown on the floor beside his bed. Everything was all there on the floor, except his plaid pants.
This was a problem because Scabior only owned one pair of pants, and he didn't have a single pair of underwear.
You see, Scabior didn't like to wear underwear. He was a very attractive young man who usually slept with a different woman every night of the week. Underwear was just one more article of clothing that he had to remove before going to bed with someone, so he preferred not to wear any. He could get down to business faster without it.
Scabior searched his entire tent, but his plaid pants were no where to be found. Where could they possibly be? He searched the trunk at the foot of his bed, but the only article of clothing he found in there was his great grandfather's musty, faded old kilt. He really didn't want to wear that smelly old thing, but he didn't have a choice. It was either that or nothing.
He put on the kilt and walked out of his tent, ready to start the day. His men were already awake and were sitting around the campfire having breakfast. They took one look at Scabior in his great grandfather's kilt and immediately burst into laughter.
"Oi! Wha's so damn funny?" Scabior shouted above the laughter from his men. "Don't you know I'm making a fashion statement over 'ere?"
"Fashion statement?" said one of the Snatchers.
Scabior's men stopped laughing and looked at each other. They had to admit that their leader could wear just about anything and make it look good. On anyone else the kilt would have looked ridiculous, but somehow Scabior managed to pull it off.
"Eh, it looks good enough for me," Greyback shrugged. "If Scabior says it's cool then it's cool. Besides, the kilt goes good with his scarf - they're both pink."
Little did Scabior know that the war would finally reach its peak that night, as Harry Potter began his final battle with Lord Voldemort. This meant that unless he could find his missing pants, Scabior would soon be forced to lead his men into war wearing his great grandfather's kilt.
.oOo.
The final battle had begun. Scabior bravely lead a team of his strongest men and women to war, all of them ready and willing to follow any comnand he gave them.
As Scabior stood atop a tall hill overlooking the covered bridge in the distance far below, his sharp vision spied movement on the bridge. It was Neville Longbottom, and was that...? No, it couldn't be... Scabior thought he had to be seeing things. But no, Scabior's eyes did not deceive him. Neville was infact holding Scabior's plaid pants and waving them in circles above his head for all the world to see.
"Hey!" Neville shouted, his voice carrying across the cold night air. "Hey you! Yeah, you in the pink kilt! Looking for these?"
"Bloody bastard!" Scabior swore, gritting his teeth in anger. "'Ow the 'ell did 'e end up with my plaid pants?"
Neville Longbottom had snuck into the Snatcher's camp and stolen Scabior's pants. He did it to lure the Snatchers into a trap, because none of them were aware of the dangerous barrier that had been cast before the covered bridge, or that the bridge was rigged to explode. All Neville had to do was figure out a way to get the Snatchers to come at him while he stood behind the protective barrier. And what better way to do that then to enrage the Snatcher's leader by stealing his only pair of pants?
Furious at the impudent little pureblood brat for stealing his pants, Scabior screamed as he lead the charge down the hill towards the covered bridge. His Snatchers followed close behind, Scabior's long scarf and kilt flapping on the wind as he ran. But just before he reached the barrier, Scabior tripped and fell flat on his face in the dirt.
Moments later, the air was filled with the terrible sounds of blood curdling screams of agony. And as he looked up from his place on the ground, Scabior saw several of his men instantly killed as they struck the invisible barrier and their bodies disintegrated into ash.
Scabior yelled for his men to stop, and the rest of the Snatchers immediately did as they were told. Neville was about to laugh at Scabior for tripping when the head Snatcher stood up, and Neville's mouth dropped open in shock.
Aside from being very attractive, Scabior was also well endowed, and the kilt didn't do a very good job of covering his privates.
A wide grin spread across Scabior's face as he noticed what Neville was looking at.
"Wha's wrong, little boy? Never seen a real man before?" Scabior jeered.
Neville's face blushed bright red. Needless to say, he wasn't jumping around and waving Scabior's pants in the air anymore.
"I betcha wish you 'ad one as nice as mine, don't you, little boy?" Scabior continued. "Even Granger told me 'ow good I was when I took 'er out in the woods."
"He's right, you know," said Hermione, popping up from out of nowhere. "He really is quite good. Much nicer than your shrivelled, puny little thing."
"Hermione!" Ron exclaimed, stunned by what she had just said.
"And he's better than you too, Ron!" Hermione snapped.
Ron jumped off the bridge and drowned himself in the river.
Seeing his chance, Scabior summoned his pants from Neville and put them on. He then used his magic to disable the barrier. Neville was forced to run for his life as Scabior lead his Snatchers out onto the bridge.
But it wasn't over yet. Neville still had one final trick, and he wasted no time using it as he triggered the explosion that caused the bridge to collapse behind him.
With the ground giving way beneath him as the bridge collapsed, Scabior was forced to use his great grandfather's kilt to parachute to safety. He sailed out over the river, gliding on the winds until he reached the grounds beyond Hogwarts castle. And that is the story of what happened when Scabior lost his pants, and how he survived the second war.