Synopsis: One apology that should've taken place in Lamia
It was hard to forget the events that took place over the past few days. No matter how much Merlin tried. The bitterness, heartbreak and fear surrounding those memories were strong.
As he tended to the still unconscious knights, Merlin couldn't help but feel queasy, despite their current states. The hateful words his friends spewed at him echoed through his mind.
"You are not a knight! You're not even a physician! You're nothing but a servant!"
"We've no interest in your opinion. So keep your mouth shut, or I'll shut it for you."
"I said ENOUGH!"
Merlin physically flinched, turning his gaze to the ground. He took a minute to regain his bearings before continuing with the task Gaius had provided. The rag in his hand grew dry and cold which signified it needed to be drenched in warm water again. The knights' temperatures were dangerously low thanks to practically getting their lives sucked from them, which gave Merlin the job of stabilizing them.
With a shaky hand Merlin dabbed the warm cloth onto Leon's forehead before eventually leaving it there. Out of all the knights, Leon and Percival had been the cruelest, much to Merlin's surprise. Though he and Leon have never been close, a mutual respect had formed between them over the years.
And Percival, who didn't even speak most of the time, had been nothing but kind since their first meeting a year ago. Never did Merlin fear Percival's size or manpower, but that had changed.
Perhaps all the words said by his friends truly reflected their thoughts. Was he just a servant to them? Insignificant? Worthless?
Merlin could only hope that the Knights' actions against him were purely formed from Lamia's manipulation. The idea that his friends harbored such opinions about him...
If proven right…it would destroy him
After spending some time overlooking Leon, Merlin turned his attention to Gwaine, but when he gazed at his friend he relived the haunting moment that transpired back at the old castle. The feeling of weakness he felt as Gwaine pressed him against a wall. And the heat from the torch that was swished near his face.
"Gwaine, please listen to me. It's not safe for you out there!"
"You trying to tell me my business?"
"No, I'm just saying that…"
"What?"
"Nothing!"
A shuddered breath escaped Merlin. He dragged his stool over to Gwaine's bedside and took a seat, repeating the same actions he did for the others. But unlike the others, Merlin took the time to silently study Gwaine.
Gwaine's erratic behaviour towards him stung, more so than Percival's or Leon's. It was different. Gwaine was one of his closest friends, the first person he confided in about Balinor outside of Gaius and the first person that came to mind when he needed help on the Fisher King's quest.
In turn, Gwaine declared Merlin was the only friend he had and his best, although one of those titles had changed for the better. They've both shared deep secrets in each other's company. The knight was one of few people he turned for support with Lancelot now gone.
And the topic of revealing his magic certainly entered his mind time and time again.
Gwaine was his friend, even an older brother to a degree. There is nothing he would not do for his friend, as he knew Gwaine would go to any length for him as well. Merlin needed Gwaine in his life, he didn't want things to change. But then again, when did Merlin ever get what he wanted?
Needing to clear his head from all the conflicting thoughts and feelings, Merlin stood up to exit the tent.
He felt a light tug at his wrist.
"Merlin."
Merlin looked down to see a bleary eyed Gwaine. For a whole minute neither one of them said anything.
"I'm sorry," Gwaine rasped out. He wanted to say more but his weak state wouldn't let him get any more words out. But Merlin understood. He grasped Gwaine's hand and squeezed it. For the first time in days, Merlin smiled.
"I forgive you."
Gwaine managed to grin slightly. The relief in his eyes dampened some of the remorse already coating them.
Merlin never left his friend's side.