Phil Harmonica
Written for the Death Eater of the Month Challenge
Prompt: Bellatrix
His name was Phil. That much she could remember, but the rest was all a blur.
She had been chosen as the officiant at Les and Barty's wedding, but oh, how she hated such romantic affairs. They were so dull and uninteresting. No murder, no bloodshed, no decapitation. And worst of all, no turtle meditation. The only way she could get through it was to guzzle firewhiskey until her eyes crossed.
And then she saw him, his bright green foliage waving at her from across the room, beckoning her with a single leaf. And my, what a handsome leaf it was.
She slipped on a discarded leaflet and stumbled across the room, landing in the foliage of her daughter's venus flytrap. Thorny protrusions along the edges of its leaves caught in her hair, combing it affectionately. It was then she realized that the plant was speaking, its serrated jaws crooning out a love ballad in E minor.
Her sight was swimming as she pressed her lips against one of the many mouths the plant possessed. The plant seemed willing to reciprocate her affection, its gaping maw closing around her tongue and kneading it gently.
It didn't matter that the Maisie was staring at her, or that Nagini was now wondering if Skender would soon be adding a handful of plant Underbeings to his troupe. All that mattered was that he loved her and treated her right, because goodness knows her husband hadn't the slightest idea what he doing.
Bellatrix took the potted plant home with her, and together they worked on improving his musical talents. He told her that his name was Phil, and that he enjoyed playing the harmonica.
The crazed witch conjured a dozen miniature harmonicas and stuffed each one into a different mouth. She didn't realize that her daughter was watching as the plant began to play the most lovely song Bellatrix had ever heard.
Delphini stared at her, shaking her head as her pygmy puff crawled into her lap. It wasn't the first time her mother tried conversing with a potted plant, though it was the first time she tried giving one a musical instrument.
"Mothers are weird sometimes, little dude," said Delphini, cuddling her pet puff before placing him in his puff bed and tucking him in. "But at least she doesn't like, sit on goats and stuff."
The little puff soon fell asleep, listening to the one-sided conversation taking place on the balcony.
The conversation continued long into the night as Bellatrix sat listening to the melody inside her head, occasionally commenting on the tune that no one else could hear. By morning the witch was exhausted but happy, asleep in the arms of her beloved Phil while the carnivorous plant nibbled on her nose.