A Tribute To Maisie Malfoy
Written for my good friend Maisie Malfoy, who has gifted us with fantastic stories, endless laughs and much caterpillar tongue.
It had been three years since the desert tea party, the sands of time flowing endlessly through the hourglass that lay shattered on the floor. No one was sure how it broke, but it didn't really matter because Amycus was licking the pile of sand.
His wife grabbed him by the back of his robes and hauled him across the floor, reminding him not to lick things that were close to broken glass.
"But I long for one of your desert tea parties," Amycus said, spitting flecks of sand as he spoke. "Oh, how grand it would be, Maisie darling, to taste sand from the Sahara Desert! It's one of the few places I haven't licked, you know."
"Yes dear, I am well aware of your desire for sandy lickables," said Maisie, using a cereal wipe to clean the slobbery sand off her face. "And once the others have arrived, we can take a port key to the Sahara Desert."
Their conversation came to an end when they heard the sound of dishes clinking and clattering. Amycus retracted his tongue into his mouth, looking up in time to see Dolores Umbridge carrying a mountainous stack of fancy tea cups. Bellatrix followed close behind, her face obscured by a large bushel of bushy bushness that was her husband Phil. Fenrir walked beside them on all fours, occasionally stopping to sniff at Phil's flower pot before continuing on his way.
"Miss Malfoy," came Dolores' voice from behind the quivering stack of tea cups. "Do you think this will be enough for everyone?"
Maisie inspected the tea cups and nodded in approval. "That will be plenty, Dolores," she said, reaching over and seizing her husband's tongue as he attempted to lick the teacups.
This resulted in Amycus blowing an obscenely wet raspberry, his tongue flapping between his wife's fingers. Maisie let go because his tongue tickled, then watched in amusement as his saliva spattered the walls and furniture, completely filling Umbridge's forty-seven tea cups.
"Oh good. Refreshments." Bellatrix snatched a tea cup and drained it in an instant.
Maisie gave her husband a look. "Really, Amycus?"
The caterpillar tongue man grinned.
Next came Delphini, who was eating from a bag of potato chips. She looked over at her mother, who was in the process of watering Phil with the saliva from the tea cups. "Whatever," Delphini said with a shrug.
Alecto was the last to join the group. She had Fiona tucked under her arm and was wearing a pair of sparkly sunglasses. "I'm not dressing like someone's great-grandparents!" she announced, and Maisie knew right away that there was going to be trouble.
.oOo.
When they reached the Sahara Desert, they found that Dragon and Les were waiting for them.
Dragon was scratching herself with her back foot and complaining about sand fleas. Fenrir, who was very sympathetic towards his fellow woofy, pulled a flea collar out of his pocket and put it on her. Dragon sighed with relief and settled on a picnic blanket.
"We're having a picnic?" Delphini asked, eyeing the checkered blanket.
"I thought we were having a tea party!" Alecto whined.
"We are," Maisie replied. "But there's no reason why we can't have snacks with our tea." She then whipped out her usual snack platter and placed it on the picnic blanket.
Les inhaled several tuna sandwiches from the snack platter, spitting out the crusts so Amycus could use them as decorations for his sandcastle. Dragon tore into a roasted leg of muggle while Delphini poured her potato chip crumbs into a skull hookah, added a handful of dried parsley, and proceeded to smoke the whole lot of it.
"Tea, Phil?" Bellatrix cooed, pouring some death flavored tea on the potted plant.
"Ahem." Dolores looked around at the assorted beasts and beings. "I believe your daughter isn't dressed for the occasion, miss Malfoy."
Amycus should have done something about this, since he usually had the task of dressing his sister. But he was busy patting the sand with his tongue, making sure the drawbridge for his castle was just right.
Maisie sighed. "I don't think this is going to go well," she said, taking the great-grandmother dress from Umbridge. "All we're doing is trying to make her look like a sniffy old lady, and I can't say that I approve of this."
Instantly alert, Alecto's shiny pygmy puff snarled and hurled herself at the dress in Maisie's hands, ripping it to shreds. Amycus' tongue then slithered across the sand, picking up the shredded fabric and using it to make flags for his sandcastle.
"Cool, an attack puff," said Delphini. "Dude, you seriously gotta teach my puff how to do that."
Fiona returned to her owner, purring and curling up in her lap.
Needless to say, Dolores was not amused. She went into full Walburga mode, conjuring a second dress and wrestling Alecto to the ground. They rolled over and over, rice and shinies flying in all directions.
Fenrir leaned over and whispered in Delphini's ear, "Ten sickles says the sniffy old lady wins."
"No way, dude," Delphini scoffed. "Ain't happening."
"Ladies, please," said Les, trying to settle them down. "Do you have to cause a scene like this in the middle of the desert?"
"You would prefer the middle of the Pacific Ocean?" Dragon asked. She then stuffed her snout in her tea cup and lapped up some apple cinnamon flavored tea.
Desperate to stop the fighting, biting and rice throwing, Les made the mistake of stepping in the middle of the brawl, and got her cloak torn off in the process.
Alecto and Dolores stopped fighting. The Death Eater covered her eyes and screamed that the dementor was having an underwear moment.
"I didn't even know dementors wore underwear," Delphini drawled, seemingly unconcerned with the situation.
Les covered herself with the picnic blanket.
Maisie hugged her daughter. "Les, I'm sorry but I must insist that you put some clothes on. You're upsetting my baby angel."
Just then the air was filled with the sound of wild yodeling. Barty Crouch Jr. flew in on an ostrich and snagged his wife, carrying her back to their humble abode.
By the time the tea party was over, Amycus had succeeded in building a fourteen-foot sandcastle with his tongue. Bellatrix went over and claimed it as her vacation house.
"Phil has many relatives here in the desert," she said, stroking the potted plant. "He hasn't seen his cactus cousins in ages, so we'll be staying here for a while so he can visit with them."
Delphini wasn't bothered by this. She just sat down at Dolores' feet and listened as the witch in pink read them a bedtime story. Within minutes Alecto and Dragon were fast asleep, the Death Eater chewing on the cover of the book as she slept.
It had been an eventful day, and although Dolores was frustrated with Alecto's less than perfect attire, Maisie was certain they would continue to go on adventures with her. Because everyone knew that no matter where they went, be it the middle of the desert or the Azkaban post office, a good time was always guaranteed with Maisie Malfoy.