Gay Chupacabra
We begin our tale with young Aberforth Dumbledore, outside on a warm spring morning, tending to his goats in the back yard. The trees were showing the first signs of new life, with bright green leaves and delicate white petals falling like snow. Beside him, his little sister was happily watching the flowers drifting on the wind. He smiled at her, cherishing these blessed times they shared together.
Only a moment had passed before his smile began to fade, falling from his face as Albus Dumbledore and Gellert Grindelwald approached the pen.
The dark wizard had a chupacabra riding on his shoulder. His familiar, he told everyone. Which would be fine if he left the blasted lizard at home where it belonged.
"You," Aberforth grumbled, pointing a finger at his sibling. "If I've told you once, I've told you a dozen times! You are to keep that man and his lizard away from my goats." He paused, glancing over at his sister to make sure he wasn't upset her with his tone. "I won't have him here, Albus. Not while he's carrying that creature around."
Grindelwald leaned against the fence, the goats bleating, nibbling the fresh green grass. One of the goats approached the dark wizard, and he reached to stroke its fur, only to have Aberforth snap at him, insisting that he back away from the pen.
"Honestly, it's not as though my chupacabra is going to harm your precious goats," said Grindelwald. He motioned to the lizard on his shoulder. "He is a gay chupacabra. Therefore he only sucks goats if they want to be sucked."
Albus raised an eyebrow. "Only goats?"
His partner nodded. "Yes, Albus. Only goats."
"What if I have a snakebite?" Albus persisted, to which Grindelwald sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Albus, we've been over this before," Grindelwald began, and it was at this point that Aberforth tuned out their conversation.