Kentucky Fried Yaxley 2
After several years of eating fried chicken, Yaxley decided to take his passion to the next level and take control of a Muggle KFC building. All he had to do was slaughter a couple of unsuspecting Muggles, then replace the employees with a bunch of low ranking Death Eaters and Snatchers. He also decided to change the sign out front from KFC to YFC.
But when the Muggles were hesitant to enter this newly redesigned facility, Yaxley figured it would be a good idea to advertise his business with a commerical. Surely that would send the Muggles flocking to his establishment for some food.
Now Bellatrix was the only one who knew how to operate a video recording device, thanks to the many hours she spent in front of the Muggle picture box with her darling Phil.
"Really, it can't be any different from a DVR," she said, chugging down a bottle of firewhiskey.
"DVR? What does that stand for?" asked Yaxley.
Bellatrix tossed the empty bottle over her shoulder and belched. "You know, I never really thought about it before. I'm guessing it means drink vanilla rum. Because that's what I like to have with my buttered croutons in the evening."
Yaxley sighed and rolled his eyes. He then transfigured his formal suit into a Colonel Sanders outfit, complete with a beard and white hair so he looked authentic.
He stood in front of his restaurant and began his sales pitch for the camera.
"Come on down to YFC. Yaxley's Fried Crap, where we fry literally anything you want!"
The camera followed him as he Apparated inside the building, stopping beside a row of deep fryers.
"Want to fry your ice cream? Sure."
He threw a container of ice cream into the fryer.
"Cereal? Of course!"
He poured the contents of a cereal box into the fryer.
"Restraining orders?" Yaxley held up a very large stack of papers. "Sure thing!"
Into the fryer they went.
The commerical was interrupted when Rita Skeeter kicked down the front door and shouted, "Hello, I am the health inspector!"
Nobody was amused.
Yaxley grabbed her by the ankles and proceeded to dunk her in the fryer while continuing his commerical like nothing happened.
"And for a limited time only, you can even fry yourself!" he declared.
Cut to a scene of Rodolphus sticking his head into a big vat of boiling oil then smiling for the camera.
"Did you enjoy your full body deep fry meal, sir?" Yaxley asked.
Cut to a scene of Ron's tombstone with a picture of a fork and knife on it.
Yaxley looked at the camera and gave the audience at home a thumbs up. "Another satisfied customer."