Getting a Job

The crypt was just as dark and as musty as ever, the smell of decay and death permeating through rock and stone. And in the center of the grave, stood an old man, a man that could easily be mistaken for an undead ghoul. With skin gray as the very stones that made up the tomb, and a body hunched over a glowing orb, "Not enough…I still need more…"

"Oh Kahjy! Where are you, you old bat!?"

Kahjiit swiftly stuck the orb into his robe and turned to see a woman wearing a cloak and…very revealing 'armor' strolling up to him, an unnerving smile on her circular face, "Clementine…don't call me Kahjy. Someone with as much pedigree as myself should be referred to by their actual name."

Clementine giggled as she pulled something from out of her cloak, "Ah come on old man, can't a girl have a little fun? Anyway…I got something for yah…"

Kahjiit's eyes widened as an almost unseeable piece of jewelry was twirled around on the young woman's finger, "I-is that…"

Clementine's smile stretched further up her cheeks, "There was this sweet ol' woman who had lost her mind from this thing. So I did her a solid and ripped it off her decapitated head!"

Kahjiit's surprise stayed for a second, before it turned into a scoff, "You're a member of the Black Scripture, right? You should know that thing is completely useless without someone strong enough to use it. Not even I can tap into its awesome power, I'd just turn into a soulless conduit like all the others who've tried…"

Clementine laughed, "That's why I came! There's this brat in E-Rantel that can apparently use any magic item without restriction. But even if I slap this thing on him, I'd still need a necromancer strong enough to order the army of undead around."

"And that's where I come in, correct?" Kahjiit asked, the old man obviously intrigued by the plan.

Clementine gave a giddy giggle, "Ding, ding, ding! You've got it! Seeing as you're a Zurrernorn, I figured you'd jump at the opportunity of making a second undead city."

Khajiit stroked his gray chin in thought, "It certainly is…an interesting proposal at the very least. Though this proposition seems just a tad too good to be true. Why would you give me such a relic?"

Clementine gave a stretch of her back and blew a playful raspberry, "Well…I might have been kicked out of the Black Scripture a little while ago. And having an entire army of undead to protect me from those zealous freaks seems like a pretty good idea."

Kahjiit humphed in disapproval, "So you just want some protection then? What you're asking me to do is pretty risky Clementine, especially with the Slane Theocracy breathing down your neck."

"Aaah! Come on Kahjiit!" Clementine pouted before raising up her hands and sighing in defeat, "Fine…tell yah what, I'll sweeten the deal. You get me my army of undead, and I'll participate in your weird, ritual thing. Does that work for yah, Kahjiit Dale Badantel?"

Kahjiit flinched at the use of his full name, "Please don't call me Dale…it's insulting for a necromancer like me to have such a lowly name." Before a wicked smile appeared on his face, "Though…having a strong warrior like you for the ritual…fine! You have yourself a deal! Now we just need to get that brat you talked about…"

Clementine waved off those words, "Eh, I'll just snatch him up here in a little bit. As long as you forge a big enough force to cover my tracks, it might get a bit messy."

Kahjiit sighed at his partner's antics, "You know, using chaos to cover your tracks is not the most tactically sound idea."

Clementine shrugged her shoulders, "Eh, it's worked so far."

Ainz tapped his armor as he stared intently at the board choked with different requests and missions. Clean scribbles and large numbers plastered the parchments, the quests covering a range of simple escorting missions, all the way to killing freaking basilisks. At least…that's what Ainz thought was on the pages, because he found that just like in Nazarick, he couldn't actually read this new world's language.

Ainz shifted his helmet to look at Lupusregina, who was obviously straining herself to make sense of the scribbles, and Narberal, who had completely given up on deciphering the text and instead resorted to glaring at the residents of the guild. He'd been so hasty, to be stopped by something as simple as a language barrier, it was insulting. That wasn't even mentioning the fact that he had been looking at the board for the past ten minutes…people were starting to stare…

Fuck it. Ainz ripped the page with the biggest number on it off the board and slammed it down at the front desk, "Consider this quest completed."

The receptionist looked at the parchment, before giving Ainz a polite smile, "I'm sorry sir, but this is a mithril ranked mission, it can't be accepted by someone of your rank. Copper ranked quests are unfortunately the only ones you and your team can accept right now."

Ainz crossed his arms and had to stop himself from giving a hmph of annoyance. He was an immortal, overpowered, living paradox given physical form…but he had to remember that these humans didn't know that. Hmm, maybe this would be a good time to test the waters on how much leniency they'd be willing to give him, "I think that you'll find me and my team are more than capable to deal with this task. I assure you this will be no trouble for us to complete." He gestured towards the two maids at his side, "My companions here are able to cast magic up to the Third-Tier." Mumbles erupted throughout the guild at the claim. Lupusregina puffing out her chest in pride at the disbelief, while Narberal was…stone-faced as ever, "And they are simply my comrades, you can imagine what I'm capable of doing.

The receptionist kept her polite smile, but also made sure to show her resolve, "I'm sorry sir, but rules are rules. While I have no doubt you can handle this given your…stature, if I just let every copper plate take whatever quest they want, then it'd be total chaos."

Ainz nodded his head somberly at the notion. Looks like there wasn't much leniency to give, "I understand. My apologies for being so stubborn." Ainz gave a bow just like the ones he would give back in Japan, "I suppose we'll just take the highest paying copper ranked job you have then."

The receptionist's smile grew a tad bit more genuine at the apology, "Of course sir, I'll see what we have."

"Much appreciated." Ainz stated before turning back to his companions, "Well…looks like we're stuck doing menial labor until we can get a promotion…ugh…" Ainz felt a wave of disappointment wash over him. He knew more than most just how soul-crushing doing thankless, meaningless work could be. Dammit…what a start to an isekai adventure…

"Excuse me." Ainz snapped his helmet to look at the four adventurers that had stalked up besides them. The obvious leader of the group gave a big smile, "If you guys want, you can join our adventuring party."

Ainz stared at the group for a second, his eyes scanning the experienced group before him, "What an intriguing offer…"

Nfirea studied the red liquid within the bottle with an inquisitive, and slightly shocked expression. Potions were blue, that was a fact, no matter what anyone claimed he knew that there was no possible way you could create a potion that wasn't that color. The process of making potions always resulted in the liquid dying into light blue. And yet…here was proof to the contrary. His grandmother was ecstatic at the sight of the bottled contents, going on and on about the 'blood of the gods' or something like that.

"Where…exactly did you say you found this?" Nfirea asked Brita politely, his eyes never leaving the bottle as he spoke.

Brita furrowed her brow at the question, "Some tall guy in weird armor gave it to me as an apology for breaking the one you sold me this morning. Honestly the way the guy talked and carried himself made my skin crawl…like I was looking at something that was trying its best to appear human…very uncanny."

Lizzie Bareare, Nfirea's grandmother, immediately swerved in from god knows where at the answer, "Then we need to find this man! If he somehow knows how to craft more of these potions, we need to get that knowledge!" The old lady swiped the potion from Nfirea's hand before he even had time to react and held it close for her to inspect, "It's as if the potion is made of pure magical energy! I reckon this baby packs as much power as a Third-Tier healing spell! You wouldn't mind me keeping it here in the shop for a thorough inspection, would you? I could even pay you for it…" Lizzie asked Brita, subtly implying that the old woman wouldn't take no for an answer.

Brita instantly scoffed at the request, "No way! If this thing really is as rare as you say, I'm keeping it!" The adventurer snatched the potion back and held it protectively against her chest.

Lizzie furrowed her brow at the adventurer's stubbornness, before slowly curling her frown into a coy smirk, "Okay, okay, okay…how about a deal then?"

Nfirea felt a bead of sweat roll down his cheek at that familiar, and very frightening, look his grandmother gave, "G-Grandma?"

Lizzie gave her grandson a harsh look, "Hush now Nfirea, the adults are talking." She said as the older woman ushered Brita into another room, no doubt in order to talk to her more about her proposition.

Nfirea swallowed a lump in his throat. Dammit…he just knew this wasn't going to end well for him…

Ainz crossed his arms as he and his companions sat down at the opposite end of the table from the adventurers. A warrior, a ranger, a magic caster, and a druid…quite a well balanced team, if it wasn't for the fact that they were so unfathomably weak.

"I suppose I should introduce ourselves then." The leader spoke up, a chipper tone in his voice and a smile on his face as he did, "I'm the leader, Peter Muak. This is our druid, Dyne Woodwonder, our ranger, Lukrut Volve, and our magic caster, Ninya. And together, we are the Swords of Darkness!"

Ainz snorted at the name, but hid it well with a cough. Swords of Darkness, really? That sounded like the kind of name he would have come up with when he was fourteen. Though, he really didn't have any room to talk considering how bad at naming things he was. Like, he was 'really' bad at naming things…still not as bad as Takemikazuchi though.

Ainz cleared his throat and gave a slight tilt of his head to bow, "It is a pleasure to meet all of you. My name is Momon, also known as the Samurai of the South Wind." Ainz gestured to the smiling form of Lupusregina, "This is my cleric, Regina." Before gesturing to the not smiling form of Narberal, "And this is my magic caster, Nabe."

Ninya spoke up with an oddly low-pitched voice, "I overheard you say that your companions can use Third-Tier magic. Are they talent-holders as well?"

Ainz hummed at the question. From what he was able to ascertain, magic users that know spells Third-Tier and above almost always have a 'talent,' or a special ability that makes learning and/or using magic easier. Ainz gave a nod, "Yes…though what those talents actually are, I am uncertain. These two are surprisingly tightlipped when it comes to their abilities, even to me!" He let out a small chuckle to emphasize his lie.

Dyne's small smile seemed to snap to an inquisitive expression as he spoke, "Well if they're able to use Third-Tier spells, they'd need to have a pretty powerful talent. Something like what Nfirea Bereare has."

"Oh?" Ainz was intrigued. If there was someone of note within the city, they'd probably make for a good subject for the New Men project, "I was unaware of any notable talent-holders within this city. Please tell me more…"

Lukrut waved off the question with his hand, "Oh that kid? He's pretty nutty alright, they say he has a talent that allows him to use any magic item without any training at all. Pretty cool, huh?"

Narberal's eyes flashed with interest, "Yes, very cool…and useful…" The maid whispering the last part to her lord.

"Getting back on track…" Peter redirected, "…we're heading out to handle some of the monsters that have wandered a little too close to the city for comfort. And while the guild hasn't actually sent out a request for this, if we kill some powerful monsters, we'll be compensated handsomely for the effort."

Lukrut gave a lackadaisical chuckle before adding his two cents, "Yeah, it's pretty much a win-win situation for everyone. We get paid to kill some monsters, the cityfolk are able to sleep comfy knowing monsters aren't gonna bust down their doors, and the guild gets a nice popularity boost to boot."

Peter nodded, "Right, but the monster activity has really ramped up the past couple of months. We could really use some help dealing with them, and seeing just how massive you are, I'd say you'd do pretty well in helping with the extermination."

"That's quite the offer! And it would also be a good way of getting us out of copper rank, right Momon?" Lupusregina asked cheekily, her gaze clearly showing her content with the mission.

Ainz gave a chuckle, "Indeed it is Regina…alright then. We accept!" The Swords of Darkness gave happy noises at their newest colleague, "And since we'll be adventuring with one another, I think it's only right that I show you my face. That way we don't have any secrets between us." Lupusregina and Narberal both froze at the declaration, but could do nothing except give their lord a sideways glance as he slowly removed his helmet. Only for flowing black hair, normal brown eyes, and regular teeth to be revealed, much to the maids relief, "I'm sorry I didn't show my face earlier. You see, me and my friends here are from another country, and I know that the introduction of a foreigner in a major city may come off as uncomfortable to some."

Peter let out a soft smile as Ainz put his helmet back on, "Of course, we completely understand. In fact…do you happen to be from down south? I'd heard that there were people down there with features such as yours. Actually…that would explain the name wouldn't it? 'Samurai of the South Wind!'"

Peter let out a laugh and Ainz joined in with his own nervous one, "Yes…definitely, you sure hit the nail on the head with that one!" In actuality, he just went by that name because it sounded cool, talk about a coincidence…

Lukrut suddenly jumped up from his seat with a needlessly red blush on his face, "Sorry to interrupt without any foreplay, but exactly what kind of relationship do you and your comrades have!?"

Ainz tensed up at the question and Lupusregina gave a genuinely innocent tilt of her head, "What do you mean?"

Lukrut let his smirk widen, "Come on…a handsome guy like Momon here, two extravagantly beautiful maidens accompanying him. Surely you three have gotten…'busy' at least somewhat, haven't you?"

Ainz shut down the thinly veiled perverseness with a huff, "We are simply traveling companions. Nothing more, nothing less."

Lukrut jumped in as soon as Ainz finished the sentence, his blush spreading and his smirk widening further, "If that is the case, then allow me to just say, that you Nabe and Regina, are two of the most beautiful young women I have ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on! And it would be my deepest honor if you could accept my declaration of love!"

"Crawl into a hole and die, vermin." Narberal said without even a hint of emotion, just to have Lupusregina to chip in with a giggle.

The red-headed maid gave a wide smile as her eyes sparkled with…unsavory intent, "Aaaah, how cute. But sorry, I'm not that into horndogs. Besides, your eagerness reeks of desperation. I might have given you a chance, if you put up more of a fight…like a lot more…"

"Regina!" Ainz interjected, causing the maid to stop licking her chops while in fantasy land to see the disapproving glare her lord gave her.

Though Lukrut didn't seem to take the rejections that hard, if his constant swooning was anything to go by, "Oh! To be turned down so brutally by a dark-skinned beauty! And to be thrown aside like trash by the emotionally guarded mage!" Lukrut's face deepened in a perverted blush, "Honestly the cold-shoulder kinda turns me on-!"

Lukrut's honestly completely improper behavior was shut down with a swift elbow to the neck by a very embarrassed and exasperated Peter, "Sorry for my colleagues behavior, he's an idiot."

Ainz let out a soft groan from under his breath, "Yes…I'm sorry as well." Though these adventurers were a tad rough around the edges, deep down Ainz couldn't help but feel a nostalgic pull of years long past. As the King of Nazarick looked upon these young, fresh adventurers…he couldn't help but be reminded of the first time the newly formed Ainz Ooal Gown and he set out to clear their first dungeon. Ainz felt a smile plant itself on his face. Maybe this isekai adventure wasn't going to start off so bad after all.

"We should head out while there's still light. Don't want to waste any time dilly dallying." Dyne said with a jolly chuckle as the Swords of Darkness walked through the busy guild towards the doors.

"Indeed!" Ainz agreed, "Getting a headstart on any mission is always a good-"

"Excuse me, are you the 'Samurai of the South Winds,' sir?" Ainz was cut off by a nervous voice. The large man tilted his head down to find a young man with the most unfortunate haircut he'd ever seen giving a somewhat shy smile up at him, "You may not know me, but my name is Nfirea, Nfirea Bereare. And if it's not too much of a bother, I'd like to hire you and your companions here for a special mission."

Nfirea Bereare!? Ainz's eyes widened in surprise as did Narberal and Lupusregina's. This was the famous magic caster of Re-Estizes? Wow…talk about a coincidence. Ainz gave a small bow in hello, "That would by I, young ward. Though please, call me Momon."

Nfirea seemed to relax at Ainz's tone, "Of course! Thank you, Mr. Momon. You see, I have a-!"

Ainz lifted a polite hand and stopped Nfirea's words right there, "Yes…you said you had a special request for me, correct?" Ainz didn't wait for the reply before continuing, "I'm sorry, but unfortunately I have already agreed to help these fine gentlemen complete their quest. Perhaps afterwards I can give you my assistance."

"Are you crazy!" Peter whispered as loudly as he could in Ainz's ear, "This could be huge for your career! Take the job!"

Ainz turned back to face Peter, and for the briefest second, thought he saw the shimmering helmet of Touch Me staring back at him, "No!" He shouted a little louder than he should have. Ainz cleared his throat and calmed his nerves enough to correct his comment, "What I mean is…well, what kind of man would I be if I simply left an already agreed upon mission for my own selfish reasons? Not a very noble man, I would reckon."

The Swords of Darkness and Nfirea seemed genuinely touched by those words, though the pharmacist had come here for a reason, and he'd be damned if he didn't complete it, "Tell you what…" Ainz and his posse turned towards the smiling Nfirea as he pulled out a sack of coins from his apron, "…why don't all of you come along! It's a simple escort mission while I pick some herbs near Carne Village after all. And I've got more than enough cash to pay for all of your help!"

"Huh, sounds like a pretty good deal. We might even be able to fight some monsters along the way, right Momon?" Lupusregina spoke with a grin, "Besides, getting to know Nfirea better could be very…beneficial to us in the future."

Ainz pondered on those words, "It certainly would Regina…it certainly would…" Ainz swiveled to face the Swords of Darkness, "Is this a reasonable agreement?"

Ninya immediately jumped in to speak for his teammates, "Absolutely! Like Lukrut said before, sounds like a win-win for everyone involved!"

Lukrut snickered, "And we could always use some extra cash…"

"Very well!" Ainz gave Nfirea a low bow as a glint appeared in his eye and a smirk curled on his lip, "We humbly accept your offer, Mr. Bereare…"

Nifrea felt a chill run up his spine at the tone the large warrior had given him, but hid the uncanny feeling well with a smile, "Great! Next stop, Carne Village!" Dammit Grandma…what had you gotten him into?

Demiurge double checked the papers in his hands as he walked into Ainz's main office. While his lord and master was away, Albedo was in charge of all the administrative proceedings within the tomb, meaning that his newest report on the New Men project had to be given to her…that is…if he knew where she was. Sure enough, Demiurge scanned the office with shining spectacles and grumbled under his breath, Albedo wasn't here. Why wasn't she here?

Just as Demiurge turned to leave, the softest of noises could be heard from the door leading directly to Lord Ainz's personal room. The Arch-Devil's head snapped with an audible crack towards the door, before stalking his way up to it, and entering.

It…took a second for the demon to process the image that was on display in front of him, but when he finally did, he couldn't help but let out a low groan, "Albedo…what are you doing in Lord Ainz's living quarters? We gave you your own room days ago."

A blushing, smiling, and completely nude Albedo squirmed her way out of the large covers to give the newest occupant of the room a perverse gaze, "Oh, Demiurge! My apologies, I didn't notice you come in…"

Demiurge pushed his spectacles up his nose and gave a low hum, "Quite…but the question still remains. Why are you here?"

Albedo let out a giggle, "Why, to rub my 'scent' into Lord Ainz's room of course. When he comes back I'm sure he'll be ever so grateful for the gift…"

Demiurge, for the first time in living memory, shivered uncomfortably at those words, "That, is psychotic-" Another, longer sigh escaped Demiurge's throat as his sharp gaze finally picked up on what his fellow NPC was cradling in her arms, "Is that…a life-sized, handcrafted, limited-edition, turbo-charged, one-to-one copy of a nude Lord Ainz…in the form of a body pillow?" This…this was something completely beyond the normal definition of crazy. This was advanced crazy.

Albedo let out an innocent chuckle, "Oh, you noticed? It took me ages to finally see him without a shirt to reference from, but I think I got the dimensions down perfectly! I've even found the time to knit the first five years worth of our children's clothing. Boy, girl, eldritch abomination beyond the mortal and immortal comprehensions within space and time and reality and physics as we understand them. You know, the usual." Albedo stated plainly as she rubbed against the erotic visage of Lord Ainz with a look of…well Demiurge didn't quite know how to describe her expression. Horniness? Horniness.

"Either way…" Demiurge said through gritted teeth, "…my daily report on the New Men project has been completed."

"Oh! Of course, of course. Bring it here." Albedo motioned with a wave. Demiurge, not wanting to get any closer to…whatever the fuck was going on over there, flicked his wrist and buried the pages deep into the backboard of the bed in a flash. Albedo, not phased at all by the act, pulled the pages out and began to read through them. Then…she stopped. Before rereading the same line over and over again, "Hold on…hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on…what do you mean that the process won't work on female humans?"

Demiurge readjusted his spectacles once more before turning his gaze away in what could only have been out of shame, "A certain component that I've been using to possibly create these 'New Men' appears to only be compatible with male humans. Seeing how this component comes from a male humanoid…it makes sense that the females would have a hard time accepting it. I believe that moving forward, we should only experiment on the male humans we've captured so as not to waste what little resources we have."

Albedo groaned in displeasure for the first time that day, "Ainz isn't going to like this…only being able to utilize fifty percent of the human population for our new warriors…"

Demiurge nodded his head, "I sympathize completely with that sentiment, but unfortunately it is a matter of compatibility. I can't give Ainz's blo-I mean, the special component to them just as I can't transplant a chimpanzee's heart into an elephant. From what I've tested, it's just not possible."

Albedo snuggled up closer to her body pillow and hummed in thought, "Hmm…alright, I guess there's not much we can do anyway. But what are we going to do with the female humans in our care?"

Demiurge couldn't help the cruel smirk that grew on his cheeks, "Oh…don't worry about that. I've got something special planned for them…"