"Gwen, what are you doing here?" Miles said, looking up from the notebook he had been drawing in. One filled with images of her, she saw, even as he tried to hide it.

"These are amazing," she said softly, flipping through the pages. She didn't linger on her images, even as they made her heart soar. She looked at other ones too… of Peter B. trying to look heroic but it failing because his stomach was sticking out of his suit and a chilli dog rested on his spare tire. Peni arguing with her Spider, who was wearing a little foreman's hat. Ham yammering to what Gwen assumed was a cartoon character in Miles' reality. Noir done up in a riot of colors while the rest of them were done in blacks and whites and shades of gray. "I wish I could draw like this."

"You're great at music though, right?"

"I bang sticks together," she commented. "My mom used to say that anyone can play the drums."

"That ain't true and you know it."

"Yeah… but this…" she shook her head before leaping off the wall she'd been standing on and settling on the bed.

"Is… is something wrong?" Miles asked.

"No," Gwen told him. "I just… I just wanted to see you, that's all. Probably going to get in a lot of trouble for this but I wanted to see you."

Gwen stared at Miles.

He folded his arms over his chest and glowered at her.

"…this is the closest we've been in a while and… and it feels like we are miles apart," she finally said.

"And whose fault is that?" Miles asked.

Gwen winced at the edge in Miles' voice. She'd never heard him talk like that, even against the likes of the Kingpin or the Spot. Miles could be determined, of course. Make it clear in just a few words that he was ready to do what needed to be done. But there was still a hint of youthful playfulness in his words. But now that hard cutting edge… it reminded her too much of other heroes she'd encountered, other Spiders too, who had been through too much and just… didn't care about jokes anymore. About the thrill of being a Spider.

It reminded her of Miguel, much to her own discomfort.

"Mine," she admitted. "Its all mine." She looked away, pulling off her mask because he deserved to see her face. "Its my fault, Miles. Entirely mine. What happened… its all my fault."

"And why is that?" Miles asked.

"I… I don't understand."

"Why did you do the things you did?" Miles asked. "That's what I keep turning over in my head." He let out a scoff. "I would never have done that to you. Ever. If Miguel had come to me and told me that someone you loved had to die I would have beaten him down like the villain he is and then raced to help you. What did you do though, Gwen? You became his lap dog. Wagged your little tail and panted with your tongue out and asked who else had to die so that Miguel could feel better about his shitty life."

She bristled at that. "I didn't wag my tail-"

"You lined up to do what he commanded without a second thought!"

"You think I didn't agonize over it?" Gwen shouted in frustration. "You think it didn't kill me to have to do that to you?"

"And that makes it better?" Miles retorted. "Yeah Gwen, you felt bad as you stabbed me in the back. Would you like the knife washed before I give it back to you?"

She winced at that. "I… I didn't mean it like that-"

"I've realize you don't mean much of what you say. When you claim you care about people. When you say you're there for them. When you promise them one thing and then do something else."

"I messed up, okay!" Gwen exclaimed. "And I'm sorry!"

"And I don't accept!" Miles thundered. "I don't give two flying fucks that you are sorry! You don't get to treat me like garbage, play around with my feelings, throwing me around and toss me about, do all you can to grind you heel on my heart, side with that roided out lunatic and throw me in a fucking energy cell, and then when its all over with expect me to forgive you! I'll NEVER forgive you, Gwen, because you don't deserve forgiveness!"

She leaned back as he tore into her. Every word was worse than a body blow. Because… he was right.

"Listen Miles… we have to be careful."

"What do you mean?" Miles said in confusion, glancing over at her.

"There are people out there… they think that there are these things… canon events…" She sighed and told him everything. About Miguel and his crusade and how he thought that certain things must happen or it meant the end of the world. Miles listened to it all with growing horror but at the end Gwen reached out and took his hand, squeezing it. "We'll figure this out. See if there is a way to stop this. I'll be with you the entire time."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"You were so desperate to get back to your world," Miles continued on. "Abandoned me to deal with the Kingpin because you wanted to get back. And yeah, glitching… though now I wonder how much of that was a fucking lie."

"I wouldn't-"

"You would," Miles snapped back. "All you do is lie, Gwen. You lied about being in my class. About what you've been doing these last few years. About you and Hobie because he clued me in a few minutes ago how you two are most certainly not shacking up… honestly surprised you weren't polishing off Miguel the way you-"

"Hey!" Gwen shouted, insulted. "I am not some whore!"

"You coulda fooled me," Miles said darkly. "You do anything and everything for him and Jessica."

"They were there for me!"

"Yeah, and that gives you the right to demand I let me father die… because you are too much of a coward and bitch to talk to yours? A dad who I notice isn't fucking DEAD!" He threw his hands into the air. "You… you are such a fucking hypocrite, Gwen. 'Miles, your dad has to die… but mine gets to live because I'm Gwen Stacy!' God, just because you fucked things up with your dad doesn't mean the rest of us don't get a parent!"

"I suffered plenty too," she answered back. "My best friend-"

"Died!" Miles thundered. "We've all fucking heard it. At this point I don't think there is a single Spider who doesn't know that your Peter died. Guess what? I don't fucking care! Just because you had some shit happen doesn't mean the rest of us deserve to suffer! My Uncle died saving my fucking life and I'm not out there telling people, "Okay, time for your uncle to get shot dead!" and then pulling out sniper rifles. I lost MY Peter too and that makes me want to save every Peter I can… you want to push their heads down into the water till the bubbles stop because then Miguel might give you a pat on the fucking head and let you hide from your problems for another few weeks! EVERYTHING you have done hasn't been in the name of canon events or protecting the multiverse or saving people."

He took a step forward. The first time he had since they'd been tossed into the room. And Gwen wanted so badly to reach out to him… but she also wanted him to back away. To put more distance between them. Because it hurt so much to be there and not see him smiling at her.

"Everything has been about Gwen Stacy. You take every tragedy and turn it so its about you. 'Yeah Miles, your dad has to die a violent death… but have you stopped to think about how that makes ME feel?' You don't go out there swinging about fighting criminals because it is the right thing to do… you do it so that YOU can remain with the Society because YOU are too scared to talk to your dad. Someone dies and you use that as an excuse to get everyone to notice you… until you don't want them to notice you and then you flip flop and make it about how they are smothering you."

Gwen couldn't say a word. She was too busy dealing with Miles taking her heart, ripping it out of her chest, and stomping on it.

"How many Peters lost their Gwen… because of you?"

It would have been kinder if he'd stabbed her in the throat.

"I… I thought you understood me," Miles said, his anger suddenly leaving him and leaving just a bored-weary tiredness. "I thought of all the people in the world you were the one that got it. What it is like to have this burden on you."

"I do-"

Miles cut her off. "I'm sorry." And while she wanted to feel elated by those words the drooping of his shoulders and the way his words dripped resignation made her feel instead utter terror at WHY he had said them. "I put you on a pedestal, Gwen. Made you this perfect person. The hero I wanted to be. The friend I wanted by my side. The woman…"

He trailed off and Gwen found everything she wanted to say, everything word that she hoped might fix things, becoming lodged in her throat as it truly, completely, utterly hit her just what her actions had cost her.

"Ya know they're gonna be trackin' us," Hobie said, glancing at the two. "Gonna need ta keep moving."

"We know," Gwen said, still holding Miles' hand. "But eventually we'll be able to fight back and stop them. And at least the people we love will be safe." Miles smiled at that and Gwen decided that even being a fugitive from the Spider-Society would be worth it for that flash of joy on Miles' face.

"That's on me though," Miles continued on. "It was unfair to you. I shouldn't have seen you as perfect. Shouldn't have… worshiped you." He shook his head. "God, what a simp I was."

She wanted to scream at him. Plead with him. Get him to see that yes, it wasn't fair to claim she was perfect but that didn't mean he couldn't see the good in her! Because she could tell from the ways his eyes dimmed that was exactly what was happening. It was like her face was up on one of those giant screens in Times Square and Miles was slowly turning off each light, causing them to dim. She didn't belong up there… but she didn't want him to turn her off and leave cast in darkness.

"I see it now, Gwen. See who you really are. And I'm sorry that I put you in the spot. Get the sense a lot of Spiders do that, thanks to their Gwens."

"They… they do," she managed to get out. Because she saw the stares. When Peter B. had looked at her it had been painful and strange but she'd come to realize during her time with the Society that it was actually the norm. So many Peters had lost their Gwens and seeing her was like a knife through the chest but also the warmest of bubble baths. It was the same way she felt seeing them. Which was probably why she had gravitated to non-Peters, like Jessica and Hobie and Miguel…

…and Miles.

Jessica and Hobie and Miguel… they knew the stories but didn't have the personal connection. Hobie thought that being Gwen Stacy made her the outlier and that she should embrace it because that made her the Rebel Gwen. Miguel and Jessica… she saw now that they saw her as some sort of science project. A world where everything was reversed that they could study. But Miles? He never considered putting the weight of a thousand dead women upon her shoulders, telling her that she needed to live for them. He had looked at her and just seen her.

And even in that moment, after she had thought she understood… she was seeing just what she had given up because of her cowardice and her arrogance and her self-centeredness.

"But you're different," she said softly.

"Yeah… I was."

She had meant "You are different". He meant "You were different". Present and Past tense.

Now it was her heart on that pedestal and she was watching as all her hopes and dreams were slowly falling to the ground once again.

"I'm sorry, Gwen," Miles said quietly. "I'm sorry I did that to you. I see you for who you truly are now."

"But… but you don't!" Gwen pleaded. "Not really! You saw me as perfect and you… you were going to do everything to see me again and I never wanted that!" And she didn't. She didn't want to be some goddess that Miles pledged himself to. That was too much. "I never wanted you to change your life for me. Never asked for that. Because you deserve the world, Miles!"

"But I don't deserve my dad?" he whispered. "I don't deserve to be happy."

Gwen forced herself not to react. "You deserve to be happy, Miles. And I am so sorry that I've kept you from being happy. I… I've made…" she shook her head. "I'm fucked, up, okay!" She threw her hands in the air. "You want me to say it? Okay, I will! I am completely fucked up! I run from responsibility like it's a tidal wave! With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility? I never got that speech. I do what I think is right but my moral compass must be faulty because I only hurt people. And then I run away. I never try and make it right either… I just use the pain as yet another shield. I hate dealing with problems and I get mad at people for demanding we actually fix things. My dad… god, my dad is out there and probably thinks I'm dead or something and I can't even drop him a post card to let him know I'm okay! Because I'm selfish too. I'm self centered. I say I think of others but I only think of myself. My Peter died because I was too focused on my own problems to notice him spiraling. I could have let him in on my secret and had him help me out… god he was so smart, he probably could have helped me taken down most of my villains in a quarter of the time! I hate talking about my feelings but get mad if people are hiding things from me. Gwen the Spider-Hypocrite, right there!

"And that's just the big stuff! I half the time forget to brush my teeth in the morning. I like to use pen caps to clean my ears because I'm too lazy to go get a Q-Tip. I've been using my Aunt's Netflix log in for years and she doesn't even know it. I drink right from the milk carton and don't mind if I leave backwash. My feet stink. Like… so bad Miles. My dad won't do my laundry and Hobie was horrified the first time he looked the garbage bag I was using as a laundry hamper. I've taken takeout with me in the bathroom and eaten on the toilet.

"So yeah… I'm fucked up! A screwed up ball of issues! A disgusting one too, I'll admit." Gwen shifted back and forth rubbing her forearm as she gnawed on her lip. "But I have good traits too, Miles. I love animals and will always stop to help them and while I would love a pet I also don't get one because I think puppies and kitties deserve tons of room to run and they can't do that in the city. I hate bullies-" Miles raised an eyebrow at that and she remembered that her mentor and her boss were currently multiverse-spanning goons, "-but I also give some criminals a chance to change their ways. I catch someone stealing from a news stand and I'll tell them to go back and apologize and give the money back… and I'll let them go. I leave pennies at those little toy horse rides outside the grocery store so kids can ride for free and I always toss a dollar into a beggar's cap. If I see that some customer left a cold item out on the shelf I always walk it back to the cooler before I leave the store because I don't want them to have to toss it because I hate wasted food. I support Trans kids and won't read a word of Harry Potter because of that bitch Rowling. But I do read any fanfiction about the world especially if written by a Trans writer because fuck her.

"And… and there are things that aren't good or bad! I like crappy anime dubs, the kind that only got a season and then they stopped making it and they replace all the cigarettes with lollipops. I never save my receipts even though I know I should. My favorite place to hang out is this building by the harbor because when the wind hits it just right you can smell all the bakeries in the morning making cookies and I like to indulge and have a few before heading back home and the view is amazing and I want to show it to you Miles…"

She knew she was rambling. Couldn't actually stop herself from rambling. And Miles hadn't done anything to get her to stop which she prayed was a good thing.

"Miguel said you shouldn't be Spider-Man. That you were never meant to be Spider-Man. But he was wrong. Because if you are an anomaly them so am I. So is he! So is Jessica! And look at the Peter Parkers… Noir? Ham? They aren't normal. And NO ONE is going to claim that Peter B. is normal." She smiled slightly at that but Miles didn't return the look and her smile drooped. "Okay… not quite there yet. But the point is that… that I think there is no one single template for who Spider-Man should be and I should have realized that so. That was my mistake. And, as we've established I am fucked up.

"I should have stood with you, Miles. I should have stood with you the moment Miguel pulled this canon bullshit. And I didn't. That… that is going to haunt me for the rest of my life." And she knew it would. She knew that her dreams would be haunted with the what-might-have-been for the rest of her days. Just like with Peter. Even if she moved on and found someone else and had a long and happy life… she would wonder what she had given up because of her fears. "I am not going to ask you to trust me because I know I destroyed that. But what I do want is a chance to rebuild. For you to know the real me and not the idealized version. And for me to have a chance to prove that… maybe I'm worthy of some of that love you had."

Miles stared at her for a very long time.

"I'm not for sure," he finally said.

Not a no. Not a yes. Not… anything.

"Y-yeah. I g-get that. Totally." She tried to smile. "We… we got… uh… a lot of stuff, what with the Spot and the Avengers and the Council of Mary Janes and… yeah."

"Yeah," Miles said as he moved past her towards the door, banging on it. "We're done. 20 minutes up."

After a moment the door opened and Spinneret let him out.

Gwen just stood there.

"…nothing is going to be the same, is it?" Gwen whispered.

"No honey, I'm afraid not," Spinneret said softly.

Gwen didn't resist when the woman walked up and hugged her. No… she buried her face against her shoulder and sobbed.

"I love you Gwen."