A/n: So I finally got my first review and I'm absolutely buzzing about it so thought I'd get this next chapter started. Writing this from a very unusually sunny UK but as I'm still sunburnt from last week I figured I'd stay inside and keep my pale Irish skin safe and write this chapter for you. If you enjoy it let me know.
Chapter 3.
The Next morning Olivia woke on her couch to feel a throbbing behind her eyes and a cramp in her neck. She was accustomed to waking up hungover on her couch these days. She stretched her limbs slowly and as she woke up little flashes of the night before played through her mind.
Going to the bar. Sitting across from the blue eyed blonde. Them both staring at each other. Then Olivia recollected the way she had come on to Amanda very boldly and had even kissed and sucked her neck. Olivia blushed and groaned with embarrassment. She stood slowly and shuffled to her kitchen to start the coffee maker before heading in the direction of the bathroom and starting her shower.
15 minutes later she was wrapped in her fluffy towel and pouring her coffee into a mug and grabbing the alka seltzer and dropping the tablets into a glass of water she watched them fizz and as soon as they were dissolved she necked the glass as quick as possible hating the taste but knowing she would feel better for it. She took a large gulp of her coffee to take the taste from her mouth. She thought about how she was going to handle the situation with the 16th precincts newest detective. She decided she would just apologise and make it clear that she wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship or anything else with her. Decision made she sipped the coffee and then got dressed into her work clothes and headed out.
Whilst Amanda had also been drunk the night before she hadn't fallen into a stupor as soon as she reached her new apartment. She was still buzzing with arousal and it had gone against everything she had in her to walk away and leave Olivia and herself wanting. After what had happened to her with her boss in Atlanta she hadn't had any feelings of arousal or desire for anyone. She hadn't even masturbated. Until last night that is. Last night her hand had found itself between her legs and she had brought herself to no less than three orgasms thinking of the way the brunette woman had stared into her eyes and the way it felt when she had huskily whispered in her ear and the feeling of her mouth on her neck. Amanda had cried out Olivia's name after the third one and then fallen into an exhausted and sated sleep.
She woke slowly and felt the stickiness between her thighs and grinned. For the first time in over a year she felt she wasn't broken. He hadn't broken her. She was still herself deep down. She didn't know what it was about detective Benson but she knew she held the key to helping her heal. So as she showered and dressed for work she plotted on how she would woo and charm the other detective into her arms.
When she walked into the 16th precinct that day she noted that Olivia was already at her desk, typing away rapidly. Fin raised his eyes from his own and winked and Amanda before adding "Good night after I left blondie?" He grinned.
"No idea what you're talking about" Amanda took her seat and put her bag in the bottom drawer and locked it. She noted that Olivia hadn't even raised her eyes in acknowledgment of her presence. She sighed as she thought that getting the other woman on her side wasn't going to be that easy. She obviously wanted to deny anything happened last night.
Cragen came out of his office and interrupted her thoughts. "Rollins, Benson . I need you to get down to central park. Body of a young girl was found half naked." He ordered them and then went into his office and shut the door again.
Olivia's plan for the day was to ignore the young blonde as much as possible. Clearly that wasn't going to be possible. She stood grabbed her sunglasses and phone and grabbed her coat silently letting Amanda follow her.
As they were driving towards the park, Amanda tried to start a conversation with her but the look on Olivia's face stopped her in her tracks. Without breaking her concentration on the road , Olivia spoke slowly and carefully.
"Look I know last night I might have been unprofessional and a little forward but I wanna say I had too much to drink and I didn't want you thinking that I make a habit of trying to pick up women I work with." Olivia still hadn't taken her eyes off the road "In fact I think it would be better all round if we forgot all about it" She finished her rehearsed speech and carried on driving.
"you want me to forget what exactly Benson?" She countered with a slight edge to her voice "You propositioning me last night? The way it felt to have your breath on my neck? The way you kissed my neck and was wishing it was somewhere else?" Amanda noticed the way Olivia's breath hitched at her words. She smirked a little in her mind, Amanda was winning and she knew it "Because those are all fond memories I would like to hold onto" she finished smugly.
"Listen to me Rollins. I do. Not. Want . You!" She seethed, anger flashing in her brown eyes for a second " And if you knew the real me, not just the me you've read about; you wouldn't want me either, I'm damaged, a little fucked up and not into women. Besides that I also don't have personal relationships with my co-workers. Got it?" Olivia pulled the car into park and they got out and started walking with purpose to their scene.
Amanda chose not to dignify that little speech with an answer instead she mulled over her words. Olivia had obviously thought about it because a straight woman wouldn't need to come up with half a dozen reasons not to pursue her, they would just say they weren't interested and leave it at that. Amanda's gaydar wasn't so off that she couldn't identify a woman who was clearly questioning her sexuality. She summed the brunette up in her mind and decided that Olivia probably hadn't ever been with a woman sexually but that didn't mean she hadn't wanted to. She was definitely at least bi-curious but the more Amanda thought about it the more she seemed to understand Olivia's position. She was feeling attracted to a woman for maybe the first time and she was deciding to try and block those feelings before she did anything about them.
When Rollins had been 13 she had felt her own first attraction to another girl and she had been so confused she had kissed a boy at her cousins birthday party and was even more confused when she hadn't found it unpleasant. As she grew up she became to understand that she was bi-sexual and being in Georgia it had been easier to suppress that side of herself rather than become the object of scorn and hatred. She had dated and slept with exclusively men until she was 20 years old and had slept with another woman at a college party and discovered she was more gay than straight. She could have sex and relationships with men and it would be fine but with women it was more than fine, it was extraordinary. So she had started to go to lesbian bars and clubs and learn to embrace her inner lesbian at night whilst she still played the perfect little blonde hetero girl during the day. Here in New york city she could finally be herself. Everything here was more open. Here queer couples could be together without fear of daily abuse and it was beautiful.
When they reached the crime scene at last CSU were already there and numbering and labelling the evidence.
Olivia's stiff exterior changed to one of professionalism as she introduced the two of them to the uniformed officers and they stepped under the tape.
"so what have we got Warner?" Olivia asked taking the lead and asking the ME for details,
"unidentified female, aged approximately between nine and eleven years. Strangled and raped , presence of semen and other fluids in the vaginal canal. Been dead i'd guess about 6 hours. She's cold but rigour hasn't set in yet." Warner sighed " I'm gonna run her DNA and prints when I get back and then you can see if it matches any missing girls in the system. Bag her up boys" She gestured to the men waiting by the black private ambulance that would drive the little girls body to her mortuary where she could analyse in more detail what had occurred.
Liv ran her hand over her face and then straightened up and surveyed the scene before her. Rollins noticed the stiffness in her colleagues behaviour. She was still affected after all these years, that meant she was a good person. She cared and that's what made her such a good detective. This kind of thing couldn't be taught, Olivia Benson was a good woman and a good cop. She made her way through the scene and walked the perimeter of it straying slightly further out and noticed a belt that had been hidden in the long grass and hadn't been spotted by CSU as it didn't have a number yet.
"Benson? I got something here!" She called out. Olivia made her was to her and motioned for a CSU guy to follow. He took a photograph and placed a yellow number 6 next to the offending item.
"Get that bagged and sent to Warner's office so she can see if it matches with the ligature marks to the girls neck and check it for DNA and finger prints." She ordered the guy with authority "Good find Rollins" She said impressed. Amanda let herself savour the feeling of being praised by Olivia for a second before remembering why they were there. They worked tirelessly through the day making sure everything was bagged, tagged and logged before leaving.
At the end of the day she felt she needed a shower to get the filth of what happened to that poor girl from her body. Then she heard Olivia behind her mention she was heading to the bar for a drink if anyone wanted to join. The guys all bowed out so she found herself in the bar with Olivia alone watching as the brown eyed woman downed drink after drink trying to block the images of that scene from her mind. Amanda sipped a glass of wine slowly and had only had two glasses when she switched to lemon water, seeming to understand that Benson was going to need someone to see her home safely that night.
After the eighth whiskey she slumped to the bar and let the tears fall. Cases with kids always hurt the most and the ones she didn't even get a chance to save hurt even more. Rollins stood and lifted the taller woman into a standing position and wrapped the detective arm around her neck and pulled her into the street without a word ignoring Olivia's slurred protests as she hailed a cab and managed to coax her address from her partner.
"She pukes in here and I charge you an extra 100 for cleaning" The driver informed them as she settled Olivia in the back before climbing in after her.
"That won't be a problem" Amanda bit back not entirely sure that she was being honest with the man. They sped towards Olivia's apartment without incident thankfully. She took Olivia's keys from her and managed to stumble into the older detective's apartment and she undressed the older woman without a second thought and tucked her into her bed. She looked into what she assumed was the bathroom and grabbing the trash can from in there she placed it next to Olivia's head. By this time it was 3am and Amanda was exhausted from both the day and the feat of carrying Olivia up the stairs to her apartment. She noticed a throw blanket draped over the couch and a couple of scatter cushions and decided she would just stay until the morning when it would be safer to go home , shower and get ready for another day of work.
When Olivia opened her eyes the first thought was the pounding behind her eyes and the second was that her mouth tasted like shit. Then she became aware that she was only wearing her panties, bra and vest top but couldn't remember even coming home last night never mind undressing. When she came home by herself drunk she never even made it to the bedroom. She got up gingerly and stumbled into the bathroom where she took care of business and brushed her teeth. When she made her way to the living room a light snore alerted her to the fact that someone else was in her apartment. When she saw the blonde mane spread out across her couch she breathed a sigh of relief before becoming irritated. What the Hell was Amanda Rollins doing asleep on her couch? Then a flash of memory of her leaning on Rollins as she guided her up her own steps last night entered her mind.
She ignored the blonde and passed her to start the coffee maker and popped 2 alka seltzer into a glass of water as was becoming routine for her these days. Amanda stirred and opened her eyes as Olivia passed by her again to get her robe from the back of her bathroom door.
Amanda had barely opened her eyes when she saw the object of her desires long tanned legs pass her by. Her heart thumped irregularly. Sure she had undressed the other woman last night but she had done so mechanically and methodically as Liv was obviously in a delicate position she hadn't even thought of her sexually in that moment. However she wasn't prepared to see her so scantily clad this morning. In fact she had even forgotten where she was for a moment. She blushed when Olivia reappeared more covered by her fluffy white robe.
"morning, hows the head?" Amanda asked groggily.
"It's been better. Want to tell me why you're here, sleeping on my couch?" Olivia grumbled at her pouring coffee into two mugs and handing one over to the blonde.
"Err , I helped you home when you were out of your mind, blackout drunk." Amanda accepted her cup of coffee and took a mouthful.
"Yeah I gathered that but I don't remember inviting you in never mind giving you permission to undress me and sleep on my couch" She answered testily. She didn't need anyone's pity, least of all this new comer who she barely knew.
"Well you obviously needed a friend last night and by the time I was done getting you into your bed it was gone 3am and from the little time I have been in this city I gathered its not exactly safe to be travelling across Manhattan as a lone woman at that time. I figured it was probably best if I just stayed here. Once I've finished this cup and used your bathroom I'll call an uber and get out of here then see you at work if that's alright?" Amanda explained slowly judging by Olivia's expressions she was not feeling so hot after her night of over indulgence and she didn't want to make the other woman uncomfortable.
"Fine do whatever you want but I'm getting in the shower in ten minutes so if you want to use the rest room you better go now" Olivia turned. "When I come out of the shower I assume you won't be here so thanks for last night but it was unnecessary. I can take care of myself." the brunette let her gaze meet the blue eyes in front of her unwelcome house guest for a second before turning her back and downing her seltzer.
"I know you can take care of yourself Benson but maybe you don't always have to? Maybe for once in your life you could let someone else take some of that strain." Amanda held up a hand as Olvia attempted to interrupt her "Listen I get that you don't feel comfortable with anything more but maybe we could be friends? I don't have any friends here so I could use a friend too. It might be nice to have someone to lean on platonically so to speak." Amanda let her offer hang in the air waiting for the brunette to explode with anger. She was surprised when she heard Olivia's voice softer than she had ever heard it before answer her.
"Friends? Just friends right?" She questioned Amanda "I don't have many women friends and I never have. I think its the job" She explained.
"just friends. We hang out, watch each others backs even outside work. We talk to each other about our problems. That's it." Rollins smiled sheepishly at her.
"Alright Rollins we can be friends I guess." Olivia smiled back feeling suddenly lighter.