Chapter 17: High Tea on Mt. Doom and Other Pastimes

The broken Fellowship of the Pen tumbled out of the portal onto a barren, rocky landscape covered in jagged tumbles of grey rocks and patches of ghostly white moss. For a while, they lay in the dirt, shaken and dazed from everything that had just taken place. Above them, a clear blue sky blazed down relentlessly.

Legolas's mind was still spinning, and he was acutely aware of the Pen clutched in his right hand. The power that had flowed through him when he used the Pen still lingered, like a sparkle of electricity dancing through his veins. At the moment, he didn't feel evil or corrupted, but his mind was understandably consumed by more immediate concerns and stronger feelings.

The Hearth of Doom had failed to destroy the Pen. One member of the Fellowship had betrayed them, and they had lost two others. An ancient evil Sue was bent on getting her hands on the Pen and destroying the rest of them.

A wave of bitter remorse swept over him as his mind's eye replayed the last several seconds in Isinguard, watching Sauron fall before the onslaught of Orinthia. Ever since the very beginning of the Quest, Legolas had fully expected Sauron to turn on them at some point, but not only had he not betrayed them, he'd sacrificed himself to protect the Pen and make sure the rest of the Fellowship got away. An unpleasant mixture of emotions rose up in Legolas's throat, hot and clogging.

The elf prince shook himself and managed to sit up. His stomach was still doing loops and his head was pounding from the journey through the portal, but he forced himself to focus and took some sips from the water flask at his side to help clear his mind. Around him, the other remaining members of the Fellowship were in various states of bewilderment.

It was hot. Legolas blinked up at the blazing sky then shaded his eyes as he gazed around at the strange landscape. Rocky desert broken only by bare patches of scrub and blobs of white moss surrounded them as far as he could see.

He looked in the other direction. There, the land rose steeply into three great peaks, each with the distinctive cone shape of a volcano. The closest and largest sprawled in their path, its crest glittering white with snow. Mist skirted its vast crater but it seemed peacefully at rest for the time being.

Legolas frowned. He had commanded the Pen to take them to Middle-earth, but he felt that something was just slightly off. He didn't recognize where they'd landed and moreover could not place it with any area of Middle-earth with which he was familiar.

He was interrupted from his thoughts by the sound of a cry of pure unadulterated fury. He spun around just in time to see Hawk aggressively launch herself at another figure standing close by the rest of the Fellowship. As the two of them went down in the dirt, Legolas caught sight of bright auburn hair and a green and gold dress.

Faramir and Gimli had already reacted, diving into the cloud of dust kicked up by the two figures rolling on the ground. Between the two of them, the man and the dwarf managed to pry Hawk away and drag her back, her uniform covered in dust and her chest heaving with furious panting.

On the ground, curled up in a ball with her hands still protecting her face, was Aura.

Legolas started in surprise at the sight of the Sue. He hadn't seen her go through the portal with them, which meant she must have slipped in right at the end as it closed. His already tight throat closed even further. Aura's betrayal stung. He hadn't realized it until a few minutes ago in Isinguard, but he'd actually come to like the sweet, good-natured Sue.

Even though she was physically restrained by Faramir and Gimli, it didn't stop Hawk from raging. "You vile Suethor spawn!" Hawk spat at the Sue in the dirt. "Of course, we should have known that all your pretty talk and helpful advice was all part of a scheme. Did you know all along that the Pen couldn't be destroyed? What did Orinthia promise you for our blood? Your own fiefdom in Middle-earth after she took it over? Any character of your choosing to be your fawning lover? A Story all of your own?"

"Nothing." Aura had sat up, looking shaken but dusting off her skirts as best she could. She didn't look up at Hawk. "The Queen didn't promise me anything."

"Then why did you do it?" Hawk's voice suddenly sounded equally as tired as angry. "Why did you play us all for fools and lead us into Orinthia's grasp?"

"I didn't." Aura stood up now. Somehow, her perfect curls were still perfect. "I wasn't working for the Queen and I didn't betray you, not knowingly anyway."

"Then what did the Queen – Orinthia – mean?" Faramir asked.

Aura hugged herself uncomfortably. "I don't know, not for certain, but I have a guess. Do you remember I told you I'd been to Isinguard once before, when the Queen tried to convince me to join her cause? She's the mistress of all types of dark Sue magics, and I suspect she put some sort of spell on me while I was there, a tracking magic. I know she has the ability to keep track of all the Sues who do her bidding, but I'd never given it much thought until now. She must have gotten word that I had joined your Fellowship and was using me to track your progress. I swear, I had no idea it was happening though."

Hawk seemed to deflate a little, though she still looked decidedly unhappy. "You swear that you didn't knowingly endanger us?"

Aura put her hand over her heart, her face earnest. "I swear by my Suethor, I didn't intend for any harm to come to any of you."

She took a hesitant step forward. "I'm sure the Queen said what she said to sew discord, division, and doubt among us. She loves doing that sort of thing. But I promise, I still want to help however I can, if you'll have me."

Hawk shook Faramir and Gimli off wearily, and they released her as they saw that the fight had gone out of her. She staggered over to a rocky outcrop and sat down heavily, burying her face in her hands. The characters stood around, feeling varying degrees of awkwardness.

Finally, Hawk looked up, once again addressing Aura. "And you didn't know that the Hearth of Doom wouldn't destroy the Pen?"

Aura shook her head. "I knew nothing about the Hearth."

Hawk sighed heavily. "Orinthia knew all along that we couldn't destroy the Pen and was just waiting for us to arrive. It explains why she didn't try very hard to stop us during the journey." She rubbed a hand slowly down her face. "It also sounded like she's had a vendetta against KANON Institution since she turned into the Queen Sue, all those years ago. The stories from KI never did specify how Eledhil's journal was recovered. Now I'm thinking Orinthia tampered with it and made sure it came back into KI agents' hands. Did you hear what she said about it conveniently missing the information about the Hearth not working? She's been waiting for two thousand years, waiting until the Pen emerged again, knowing that KI agents would try to get to the Hearth of Doom once again, clueless to the fact that it wouldn't work."

"So what do we do now?" Faramir asked. He was kneeling by Eówyn, gently binding up her hand that had been cut by Orinthia's blade. "What do we do with the Pen?"

Hawk rubbed her brow wearily. "I'm not sure. First, we need to figure out where we are."

Legolas chimed in at that. "I used the Pen to take us back to Middle-earth, but I've never seen a place like this before."

Everyone looked around, taking in the landscape and the three volcanoes. "It looks a little bit how Mordor was always described to me," Faramir said, "except without the dark clouds and poisonous fumes."

Hawk was looking around and frowning when suddenly off in the distance came a sound like a dull roar. Everyone's hands went to his or her weapons. It seemed to be coming closer then it passed them and faded away.

"What was that?" Gimli asked. "Are there dragons in these parts?"

But slow understanding was dawning on Hawk's face. "No, that wasn't a dragon. I think I may know where we are and why the Pen brought us here." She stood back up. "But first, we've got to get walking and find somewhere to regroup and plan out of this heat. This way, everyone," she said, starting in the direction from whence the roar had come.

They had only been walking for about five minutes when Legolas's eyes caught a glimpse of something in front of them. At first, he thought it was a river, though a strange dark grey color, but he saw no glint of sun on it as he would on water. It wound through the rocky hills from their right, crossed directly in front of their path, and continued up towards the largest of the three mountains.

As they got closer, Legolas saw that it was not in fact a river, but some type of road. But it was unlike any road he had ever seen before.

Hawk was nodding, seemingly unconcerned, at least for the moment. "I thought as much," she murmured as they reached the road and stood at the edge of it.

"Where are we, Hawk?" Faramir asked, staring at the strange substance comprising the road before them. "I have never seen anything like this in Middle-earth."

"That's because we're not in Middle-earth," Hawk said. "Not your Middle-earth anyway." And with that, she pointed across the road at a huge sign rising out of the rocky dirt.

Legolas looked at it. The words on it were a strange version of Westron, but he found he was able to make it out.

TONGARIRO NATIONAL PARK

HOME OF MIDDLE-EARTH

2 KM TO IWIKAU VILLAGE

"Apparently the Pen has a sense of humor," Hawk said grimly. "Welcome to the other Middle-earth aka New Zealand. And welcome to my home world."

~o~o~o~

Orinthia was furious. She swept down the hallways of Orthanc like a dragon robbed of its treasure, and her Sues cowered away from her as she stormed past. Her flawless skin seemed to glow with the intensity of her inner powers just waiting to be unleashed on some unfortunate minion.

The Pen had gotten away from her. After all these years of watching and waiting so patiently, the Pen had slipped out of her grasp once again, just as it had done all those years ago when Eledhil had leapt into the sea rather than surrender the Pen to her. She had been so ready to unleash her vengeance upon KANON Institution, but here she found herself forced to wait once again. And she hated waiting.

Even the news that the forces sent by KI had been obliterated and Erebor captured did little to soothe Orinthia's seething anger. Even though Middle-earth was now very nearly under her complete control, she knew that as long as her enemies had the Pen, she was dangerously vulnerable. It would take only a moment and a simple sentence to send her plans crumbling around her, if the characters or their protector decided to use the Pen's power.

The news of Saruman's failed betrayal also rankled her deeply. Even if she had predicted it would happen and laid in place plans for when it inevitably did, she was still furious at the upstart wizard for even making the attempt. Well, he would pay, he along with all others who had resisted her in the end.

Deeper into the bowels of Orthanc she swept, where torches lit the walls instead of windows. She briefly considered turning down the passages towards the main dungeons, which were full of characters and surviving Sue-Slayers alike. Fëanoria had told her that they had recaptured the impudent KI agents who had escaped earlier, but they were of little concern to her now. She did linger slightly longer on the thought of paying Saruman a visit, but she dismissed it, as delicious as the thought was. There would be time later to make sure the traitorous wizard regretted his choices. But right now, she had more important things to attend to.

Things had very much not gone according to plan, but at least a little good had come from her showdown with the Fellowship. Two good somethings, in fact.

First, she turned her thoughts to the fallen Sue-Slayer. By the time they had reached Middle-earth and Orthanc, he had finished his transformation into a Gary Stu and fallen completely under her control. He could definitely prove useful. Her spy in the Hub had been feeding her information for a good long while and she knew Porter was one of the Senior Agents in the Tolkien Department. She also knew that Hawk would not give up on him easily, Stu or not. Having a valuable hostage could most definitely come in handy. Certainly fodder for thought.

Thoughts for later though. She flung open a large wooden door blocking her way and swept into a large, open chamber. There, she turned her thoughts to the second good thing that had come from her encounter with the Fellowship.

Sauron was bound with heavy black chains reinforced with magic that suppressed his natural powers and abilities. Orinthia was still highly peeved at him for the part he'd played in allowing the Fellowship to escape her grasp, but she smoothed over her anger as she entered the chamber, knowing demonstrations of fury or threats of rage would do little to impress or move the Dark Lord.

She stopped in front of the bound figure, staring contemptuously down at him. He'd always annoyed her, even back in the long ago days when she and Eledhil had been the senior agents tasked with protecting his world. Now, he wasn't even bothering to look at her and he was radiating an air of unconcern with her presence. She stifled her rage as best she could.

"That was quite the show you put on earlier. I'll admit you even pressed me to the limits of my power. And all for a bunch of heroes. How sad," she mused.

Sauron made absolutely no acknowledgement of her.

"You know, I do respect you," she said, hating the disgusting (and utterly untrue) words even as she said them. "Let's talk, you and I: villain to villain."

Finally, Sauron chuckled raspily. He lifted his head just slightly to fix her with one of his burning eyes. "Really? You're going to try the sweet-talking 'let's be friends' tactic on me? On me? I'm insulted. Also, you are in no way on the same league of villainy as me."

Orinthia bit back her retort, fighting not to lose her temper with the obnoxious Dark Lord and to keep up her nonchalant façade. "Of course," she said in a honey-sweet voice. "I would never compare myself to such an iconic villain as you. But still, that doesn't mean that we can't help each other."

"Let me guess," Sauron drawled. "You want me to tell you where the Fellowship has gone and what they plan to do. Unluckily for you, I don't know. Even more unluckily for you, I wouldn't tell you if I did."

Orinthia stepped forward and caught his chin between her slender fingers and tilted his head up so that he was forced to finally look at her. She hid her disgust as she touched his scorched and blackened skin. "You seem very loyal to your new friends," she purred. "Perhaps you can simply help me to understand why. If the Pen is destroyed and everything goes back to normal, you know what that means for you, don't you? Those very 'friends' will suddenly be your enemies again, the ones who are going to win in the end and destroy you. Do you think they are going to spare you simply because you dabbled your feet in playing the hero for once? They won't even remember what you did for them."

Sauron's lips twisted scornfully, but he did not reply.

Orinthia leaned down, her lips hovering by his ear. "However, if I were to get ahold of the Pen, I would not forget those who aided me in its recovery. I could rewrite the Story however I wanted. Perhaps I could arrange it so that you won the War." She leaned even closer, her voice little more than a breathy whisper. "I could even make sure you got your Ring back…forever."

A slight tremor ran through Sauron's entire body. There was suddenly a tension in his form that had not been there a moment before. "My Ring?" he said, and she could hear the lust and longing in his voice.

She stroked his cheek. "Yes, your Ring. Your soul together and whole once again. It pain you, doesn't it? Every moment you spend away from your Ring is a new agony. The heroes don't understand, but I do. It's exactly how I feel about the Pen. You help me get my precious treasure and I'll make sure you get yours."

Sauron remained silent, but she knew that she now had his full attention. "Just imagine it. The Ring back on the hand that forged it. The ability to finally order your world as you desire." She laughed lightly. "I'd even be willing to use the Pen to grant you back your fair form once again. Everything you ever dreamed during the height of your power, but with no threat this time of ever losing it."

Another tremor ran through Sauron's body, like the throes of Mt. Doom before it unleashed a particularly large spewing of fire. He quickly regained his cool and spoke smoothly but his voice still carried that unmistakable tinge of longing. "And what exactly would it take for such a future to unfold?"

Orinthia smiled fully, her ill mood finally giving way to smug satisfaction. "Nothing you would not be able to accomplish with ease. For now, all I ask of you is to listen…"

~o~o~o~

The Fellowship had been walking down the road for about twenty minutes when they reached a small collection of buildings with a sign that announced that they'd reached Iwikau Village. Several times, they were passed by fast-moving, roaring objects that Hawk referred to as "cars" and said were not dangerous as long as no one walked on the road itself. The terrain had become gradually more rocky and barren as they approached the largest of three volcanoes.

Off to their right was a large wooden building with a sign that said Gift Shop above the doorway. Hawk nodded to it. "I'm going to see if I can find someone to talk to. Wait here for me."

There was a large parking lot filled with cars by the gift shop. The little plaza in which they stood was fairly busy, with people in strange garments coming and going. Several of them looked over curiously at the characters grouped outside the gift shop.

"You're Ringers, eh?" Legolas turned to see a middle-aged man walking back down the slope towards them and the parking lot. "They making more movies or are you tourists?"

Legolas swallowed, not at all sure what the man was talking about. "Just visiting."

The man looked them over then nodded. "My nephew was in those movies. One of the elves at Helm's Deep." He nodded thoughtfully. "Anyway, good costumes. It's a nice day for a ride up the mountain. Eh, 'Mt. Doom', isn't it?" Without waiting for an answer, he continued walking to his car.

Legolas scrunched his face up in puzzlement at the strange interaction. Mt. Doom? He was decently sure that Mt. Doom was a fair bit more active than the volcano currently looming over them.

"Hey, look at this!"

Merry and Pippin had wandered over to the outside of the gift shop, where there were slots containing a variety of brochures. Merry was waving one at the rest of the characters excitedly. "It talks about us!"

Legolas came over, along with the other characters and Aura. It seemed to be an informational brochure about the park in which they found themselves, but one section in particular caught Legolas's eye.

"Fans of the Lord of the Rings movies will find much to explore in Tongariro National Park. Visit the scenic Tawhai Falls, filming location for Gollum's Pool, or explore the crags of Emyn Muil at Wakapapa's ski field. Enjoy the breathtaking landscape of Mordor or take a ride up the side of Mt. Ruapehu, the Lord of the Rings' Mt. Doom."

Pippin was looking at the backside of the brochure. He suddenly squeaked with delight. "Merry! Merry, they have tea time. They have tea time on Mt. Doom!"

Legolas looked on the back, and sure enough, there was a description of High Tea, 1pm sharp daily, at the Knoll Ridge Chalet on the top of Mt. Ruapehu. Merry and Pippin were already chattering unstoppably about the delights of tea time and how much they had missed it during the Quest.

At that moment, Hawk emerged from the gift shop, only to be bombarded by the two young hobbits. She looked slightly cross, but a little less frazzled than she had earlier. "All right, all right, one at a time," she said as Merry and Pippin talked over each other. "What about tea time?"

"They want to have High Tea on Mt. Doom," Faramir explained.

Hawk glanced at the brochure. "Well, we're all in luck. I think I've found us a ride, but it's going to take some more arrangements. I'll need to stay down here, but if you want to ride up and have some tea, be my guest. Just stick together and don't do anything foolish. It'll be a couple hours at least until our ride is here."

She pressed a small hard rectangle into Faramir's hand. "You'll probably need this. It's a KI credit card, so don't lose it."

Merry and Pippin were nearly bouncing up and down at the prospect of some good hobbit tea as they headed towards the far end of the village. As they got closer, Legolas saw a great moving cable carrying people up the side of the mountain in small black pods. A sign over a large building in front of them read: Tickets for the Sky Waka Gondola HERE.

With a little guesswork, Faramir was able to figure out how to use the credit card at the kiosk and purchase seven tickets for the gondola. They shuffled onto the boarding platform and from there filed into one of the moving Sky Gondola pods.

Legolas looked out through the glass walls of the pod as they rose up the steep slope of the mountain. Beneath them was barren volcanic rocks and a channel left by a long ago lava flow. Looking out the back, he could see miles upon miles, back over the Mordor-like landscape they had come across and further in the distance to hazy trees and streams.

At the top, they all filed out and walked over to what had to be the Knoll Ridge Chalet. Loose pumice pebbles and dark volcanic sand crunched under their feet.

It was a building unlike anything Legolas had ever seen before: stark and rather plain, with an incredibly high ceiling lined with strange lights, and with smooth sterile tiled floors and walls. At the far end was a bar and beyond that, the walls were made entirely of glass, allowing the Fellowship a stunning view out of the building and down the volcano's slope.

They approached the bar. A young woman in a black apron and a ponytail came over to them as they stopped in front of the counter. It seemed that Faramir had become the unofficial spokesman of the group, since Hawk had placed him in charge of the all-important credit card, so he stepped forward and cleared his throat. "We would like to attend High Tea, please."

"How many?" the woman asked pleasantly.

"Seven."

"Excellent. Right this way." She led them around to the far side of the room, where many tables and chairs were scattered and a large window looked out onto a great craggy brown spur of the mountain. "High Tea will start in just a few minutes. I'll be back around to get you started."

She left them with several menus, with a list of different tea flavors. Merry and Pippin were excitedly chattering over the options again, but Legolas found his mind wandering. What was going to happen to the Pen? Right now, they were enjoying a respite, but all too soon he feared that the realities of their Quest would close in on them again. Orinthia hadn't struck him as someone who would give up easily.

The waitress returned and took their tea orders. Legolas glanced at the menu and chose a lemon, honey, & ginger tea. The waitress hurried away again and Legolas went back to staring out the window.

The loss of Porter and Sauron was also weighing heavily on him. Even though she had taken charge like she always did and was hiding it well, Hawk was heavily affected by Porter's fall, Legolas could tell. Even though there was nothing any of them could have done, he could guess at the guilt she was probably carrying. And Legolas shuddered to think what might have happened to Sauron, if he was even still alive.

The waitress returned once more, this time bearing several tea pots and a set of china tea cups. She also had a towering two-tiered tray for each of them, each loaded with a positively mouth-watered array of finger sandwiches, puffs, and pastries. She finished laying out the spread before them then smiled at them. "Enjoy your High Tea. By the way, nice costumes!"

Faramir looked for a second like he was going to correct the waitress's misconception, then seemed to realize this would be a bad idea and closed his mouth.

They all poured themselves a cup, and the combined fragrances of the different teas suddenly permeated the space, filling it with a nice, homey feel, despite the utter foreignness of their location. Legolas looked around at his remaining companions.

He lifted his cup. "For the Fellowship," he said solemnly. "And especially for those who didn't make it this far."

"For Porter and Sauron," Eówyn said, holding up her tea cup.

"For Porter and Sauron," everyone else echoed and then they all drank.

An hour later, they caught a ride back down the Sky Waka Gondola. Hawk was waiting for them outside the gift shop.

"Good news," she said as they walked up. "In addition to a ride, I've got us a place to stay tonight. Then in the morning, we'll need to be up at the break of dawn to catch our flight."

"Our flight?" Gimli said, not seeming too sure about that.

"Yes, our flight," Hawk answered in a no-nonsense tone. "Tomorrow, we're flying to America."

A/N: This chapter was a bit of a self-indulgent interlude. Four months ago, I got to spend two weeks in New Zealand and this chapter is a nod to my time spent there. One of the places I got to spend a day was Tongariro National Park, where I visited many of the filming locations listed in the "brochure". And yes! High Tea on Mt. Doom is completely and entirely real (and very delicious)! A few things are modified or made up for the story (the sign in the Mordor desert was not real), but most of what I describe in this chapter is taken directly from my personal experiences spending the day there. - SG