Hermione held Draco's hand as they walked into the ballroom, hoping that today he would be able to summon a corporeal Patronus. The attempt the night before was so close to taking shape, she could see the mist and shadows forming. She thought that maybe she saw it pull into several different directions, still deciding on what it would become.
She had seen many Patronuses take shape, but never one look almost as if it was second guessing itself. It was especially strange with how seemingly confident Draco appeared. In her head, she envisioned it as something similar to Harry's. To her, they were both once boys who needed protection from a world that took so much from them. He deserved something powerful to make him feel safe. A stag, tiger, bear, or even dragon like Astoria thought it would be.
Draco stood with his back straight and his arms tense, almost as if he were about to duel. Rarely did she see him nervous, always had an air of cockiness to him that made it seem like there wasn't anything that could phase him. But the look in his eyes now was haunting. Like at any point he could have gotten sick.
Her hand went to his back, and she felt the tension release slightly. The grip on his wand loosened, and he looked at her.
"Relax, Draco," she said softly. "Take your time."
Astoria pipped up from her seat, "Would it help if you talked out loud what you wanted to think about when you cast it? It might help focus you.'
"Absolutely not," Draco replied quickly.
"No need to be embarrassed, Draco. We're all friends here," Theodore assured. "I bet you're going to think about Blaise's bachelor party two years ago. That trip was one for the books."
"How is that a happy memory for you, Teddy?" Astoria giggled. "Daph nearly ripped your head off after you got back."
Teddy winked at her, "I have sworn myself to secrecy. Draco too. Our lips are sealed."
Daphne scoffed and shook her head. "He's definitely thinking about the one, singular quidditch match he's ever won."
Draco laughed, relaxing from his tense stance, trying to concentrate on the spell. "I'm thinking about having some peace and quiet away from you twats right now. Granger, has anyone ever conjured a Patronus using their imagination? Cause I'm thinking about how nice it would be to sit on a sunny beach with a cold beer and seeing you in a bikini. That would make me very happy."
"No, from what I've read, that's never happened before. Some people do have false memories that they have used or have taken other's to but…"
"Granger, I was kidding. Not about seeing you on the beach though. I was not joking about that one."
"Oh," she said, her cheeks turning red.
"Alright, let's get this over with," he sighed, holding his wand out straight. His eyes closed, and Hermione wondered if he was actually thinking about the night they spent together at the planetarium. It was probably the closest thing she's had to a real date in years, as unfortunate as the proceeding events were.
But it was one of the best nights she's had in quite some time, where she felt at peace. It was one of the first times where she had thought that she would have really liked to go on a real date with him. That it would have been nice to visit various museums and talk about the art or even go to the cinema. She'd hold his hand and they'd be able to go home together afterwards, not having to worry about the war or what may happen the next day.
She told herself that the next time she casted the spell, she'd think about that night too.
Again, the silvery light that came from his wand began to gather, into a mass, erratically morphing into several misty blobs, but as he opened his eyes to see, it dissipated. A look of disappointment crossed his face, his shoulders falling to his sides.
"No one ever gets it the first few times," Hermione whispered softly. She reached for his hand, and felt his cold palm sweating. There was shame when he looked at her, like he wanted to stop and hide away. But she wouldn't let him, he was so close. "Try again. Focus and let yourself feel happy, Draco."
He held her hand tightly and said the incantation, louder this time, his voice echoing against the marble walls.
"Expecto Patronum."
The spell whirled around them both, and to Hermione, it felt warm and comforting. Draco opened his eyes, and they both watched as the light gathered in front of them.
The mist began to ball into itself, slowly morphing into something a little more legible. It wasn't big, like how Astoria had predicted, and it even seemed too small to be a dog of some sort. It could have been a dozen different things. A bird, a rabbit, or even a snake, fitting for Slytherin's Prefect.
And for a second, Hermione thought her own Patronus was swimming around the ballroom, until she realized that it wasn't her at all. It was Draco's.
He let go of her hand, stepping back, watching as the silver otter swam around him, wrapping up his torso. It darted quickly to Hermione, circling her head once before disappearing.
It was silent in the ballroom. No one said a single word for several minutes, processing what they had just seen.
Hermione's first thought was that it was a coincidence. That Draco Malfoy, the vampire Death Eater, just so happened to have the same Patronus as she did. A river otter.
Her second thought went directly to Nymphadora and Lupin, and how their bond was so strong that her Patronus changed to embody him. James and Lily. Severus and Lily. Harry and his father.
Draco looked at the ground, not meeting Hermione's eyes. It was the first time she had ever seen him in a state of fear. His eyes were wide, looking as if he had just seen a ghost. It was something so simple, the spectral image of an otter floating around them that had stuck such a nerve in him.
"Well, looks like Tori owes me ten galleons," Theodore nervously chuckled, breaking the silence.
Hermione saw Draco take a few deep breaths, the scared look fading away, using his Occlumency to avoid the reality of what they were facing.
"You guys had bets on this?" Draco asked, turning to them with an eyebrow raised, still avoiding Hermione.
"Yes, five what size it would be, another five on if it would make a good pet," Thedore laughed.
"Hey, I don't think an otter would be good to keep in the home," Astoria pouted.
"I'm the animal expert, Tori. An otter would make a lovely pet with how cute it is," he teased.
"If it was a dragon, you would have said the same thing," she argued.
Daphne cleared her throat as she began to shuffle Asotira and Theodore from the room, "Would you look at the time? We should go."
"But…" Astoria tried to argue as the doors behind them closed abruptly, leaving Hermione and Draco alone.
It took several long seconds before Draco turned to face her, she could tell that he was still concealing his emotions behind a veil. There was nothing behind his silver eyes. It had been months that she had seen him so cold when they were alone, but he was scared. And she was too.
"Don't hide from me right now, Draco."
"I'm right here, Granger," he remarked, his arms out.
"But you're not here, are you?"
Draco sighed, walking towards her, his hand reaching out. "Let's go to bed, baby. I know you didn't sleep last night. You must be so tired. Can we go upstairs, fuck, and get some sleep?"
"We're not going to talk about it?" she asked, crossing her arms.
Draco ran his fingers through his hair. It had gotten longer over the past few weeks, falling slightly in front of his eyes. "What's there to say? You did it, you're a great teacher. And now you know that you're the only thing that brings me enough joy to summon a Patronus. So, can we please not ruin it?"
"Ruin what?" she questioned him.
His hands went to her arms, holding onto her elbows gently, "What we have now."
Hermione's head began to spin, and she felt so angry. He knew exactly what he was doing to her, stringing her along, giving her small tastes. Not enough to satisfy her, but enough to make her crave him. And then, he would be taking it all away.
"What do we even have? All we do is fuck and argue. You have made me desperately clutch onto you, all for you to leave me alone at the end?"
"I didn't mean for any of this to happen, Granger," he mumbled.
She pulled away from him, taking a step back, letting her rage build in her core. How could he say that? Everything he did was so deliberate. Every touch, every word, and every action created a web she couldn't escape from.
"I can't fucking sleep without you, and I can't sleep because of you," she stammered. "And you know that. You revel in the fact that I need you because I'm yours, right?"
He let out a breath of frustration through his nose before closing the distance between them again, his hand went to the base of her neck, holding her still and looking down into her eyes. "You are mine until the day I'm gone. Mine."
She stared back, her rage leaching onto him. Angry eyes, to her, were better than expressionless ones. "And when will that be?"
"I don't know," he whispered.
Her anger began to subside, and her chest that was once full of hot air, ready to breathe fire, now felt heavy and wet. Almost as if she was drowning in a sadness she couldn't redirect.
"Even after you saw what form your Patronus took, how it matches mine perfectly, you still want to leave me?"
"Granger, I don't want to leave you, but I have to," he murmured, his eyes lingering over her face, trying to pull the right words. "Have you forgotten who I am and all I have done?"
She hadn't. She thought about it all the time. There were constant reminders all around. The memories of the friends he's killed, the way he reeked of blood after a long day, or the bruises he left on her body after he held onto her too tightly.
"No, I haven't," she answered truthfully. "I remember all of it. Every horrible fucking thing you've done. But I remember the good as well."
"I need you to only think of the bad things, Granger. I need you to hate me."
"How could I hate you? I have given you every piece of me I could until this point. The only thing I have left for you is my heart, Draco."
There was a brief moment where he looked confused, like he couldn't decipher what she was saying, though she laid it out so plainly for him. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath out, the smell of spearmint lingering between them. When he opened his them, she saw the fear peeking out of his silver irises.
"Don't make this harder than it has to be," he softly said, his arms falling around her waist. "We have no other options."
"I'll tell them they can't have you. That you've done enough to repent, and that you had no other choice."
"And if they refuse?"
"I'll hide you away," she said, reaching up to cup his face in her hands.
"What about Teddy?"
"We'll get him a good defense, and I'll testify for him," she explained, brushing his hair away from his eyes.
"He's a Death Eater. A very high ranked one at that. They won't let him go easily. Not unless I give them what they want. Someone has to pay the price."
"I'm not going to let them touch you," she whispered, kissing his lips. "I won't let them take you from me."
"You're starting to sound like me," he said on her lips as she continued to kiss him.
"You always make me beg for you, Draco." She kissed him deeper. "Beg for you to fuck me." Another kiss. "Beg for you to stay with me." Another one that almost made her breathless as their lips crashed against each other, but she pulled away, looking him in the eyes as he tried to bring her back. "Do I really have to beg for you to love me?"
She felt him freeze and immediately regretted what she had asked. The look of shock on his face made her want to curl up in embarrassment. The word rolled so easily off her tongue that she didn't even give it a second thought. But there couldn't have been any other explanation for what his Patronus meant and what was making her hold onto him so desperately.
There was a sinking feeling that perhaps their obsession with each other was just becoming too much. He was all she had, the only sense of comfort she had in months. Maybe she was just misguided, her need to feel wanted exacerbating the situation.
But then, his body felt like it melted. The rigid stance became soft, his arms pulling her close. His lips touched her cheek, as if to assure her that she was okay.
"You will never have to beg for that, I will never make you beg for that," Draco responded, his voice gentle, drawing her in like a song she knew every lyric to but hadn't heard in so long.
"For what Draco?" she asked, her heart racing in her chest. "Say it."
Again, he paused, drinking every bit of her in. "I will never make you beg for me to love you."