A/N: Thank you all so much for your reviews, favorites and follows after last chapter! Huge thanks to lanamarymack for alpha/beta reading this chapter! You can find me on tumblr (nauticalparamour) if you are interested.
Please let me know what you thought of chapter eleven and be on the lookout for chapter twelve soon!
Hermione was not entirely sure what had finally done it, but she'd gotten Headmaster Dumbledore to agree to meet with her in early November. This involved making some excuses to Regulus, who wanted to spend the Saturday with her out by the Black Lake, with some of the other Slytherins, as they finally were having some dry weather after weeks of rain. No one knew when they would be able to really enjoy the outdoors again now that it was nearing winter.
She was slightly worried that he might be on to her — always too perceptive of the little details that she tried to hide. He asked her if she'd written to mother and father to discuss details about the upcoming Yule holiday and to give them details about how she was doing that term.
Immediately, Hermione felt rotten, almost as if she was betraying Orion, who did not want her speaking with Dumbledore at all. Despite what she'd assumed about the man (and some of what she knew about him), Orion really had taken good care of her since she'd been dropped into the past. Setting up her identity in this time was a big enough help to indebt her to him for years.
But, Hermione could still not give up the hope that she might return to her former life, the life that she had left behind. The life that she was still sometimes breathtakingly homesick for. She missed Harry and Ron. She missed the rest of the Weasleys and Luna and Neville and Professor Lupin (the younger Remus was proving to be a poor substitute, nearly on par with the rest of the Marauders).
She felt useless here in this time, stuck in stasis and unsure of how she should help. Back in her correct time, she had a purpose in the fight against Voldemort, as Harry's brainy sidekick. Here, she wasn't even sure what she could do to change the events of Voldemort's rise to power. Even saving Lily and James from death would mean that the dark wizard remained alive and at large. She just needed a little bit of purpose, even if she was destined to remain in the past.
As she trudged up the steps to the Headmaster's office, she felt the indecision creep into her mind once again. When she finally came face to face with Dumbledore, alone, as she'd wanted all these months, she found herself unsure of what she should do.
"Tea, Miss Granger?" Dumbledore offered, wearing his trademark purple robes. He smiled at her, but it was not the same knowing smile that she'd seen so many times before. This one was clinical and perfunctory, not warm or friendly. She could tell already that he did not genuinely care for her.
Swallowing, Hermione shook her head. "That won't be necessary, sir," she said, before taking a seat across the desk from him. "I hope that I won't take up too much of your time."
"What did you want to speak to me about? It must be important, seeing as you've been relentless in your quest for a discussion," he said, a hint of exasperation in his voice.
Immediately, Hermione knew that she needed to trust Orion, that she should not reveal the true circumstances of her existence to the Headmaster. He didn't even know her and he was already completely mistrustful and unhelpful to her. How could she trust that he would do what was best for her and not merely what he thought was for the greater good.
With that decision made, she stared down at her lap, desperately trying to think of a reasonable topic that she could ask him about that would justify her seeking him out. Quickly, she figured that she could at least attempt get some more details about time travel from him, even if she didn't mention that she was the time traveler.
"As you may have surmised from my course load, I have a very ambitious plan for my future," Hermione said, with a chagrined smile.
"It's been many years since someone has attempted as many NEWT subjects as you," he agreed, staring at her over the edge of his half-moon spectacles. "Only, it remains to be seen if you will continue with all seven or if you will successfully achieve them if you do."
Hermione had to bite her inner cheek to keep from snapping at him that she was going to do all that and more. Of course, he didn't have the luxury of knowing the force Hermione Granger was over the last five years, only the (impressive) OWL scores that she had achieved. She wouldn't be surprised if he didn't totally believe those, either, seeing as Orion had to go through unusual channels for her to sit them in the first place.
"I will endeavor to prove all your doubts about my capabilities wrong," she promised, giving him a tight smile to try to hide the offense. "In any case, I was hoping to pursue continued studies of magic at the Department of Mysteries upon my graduation, though, I suppose you will never learn if I am successfully hired as an Unspeakable."
"I did not think that the women in your family held jobs," he said, not hiding the judgment that oozed from him.
"You don't really think I'm like the rest of my family, do you?" she asked, unable to help herself. "I know you had... questions about where I came from when my father introduced us."
"I also recall that your father discouraged me from asking too many questions about you," Dumbledore continued, mistrustful. "And, I must say he's done a marvelous job of covering his tracks. Almost no details about you exist prior to this year."
Immediately, Hermione felt her blood run cold and she worried that Dumbledore might have figured things out all on his own, without her having to betray the family at all. She wondered when the Blacks started to feel so much like family to her.
"But he can't hide everything. Already rumors are swirling about the truth of your parentage. I'm not surprised that Orion would want to keep the truth as a family secret," he continued, sounding smug and self important. He just thought he had everything figured out.
Hermione felt her body relax, though she kept her features schooled, pleased to know that he must believe the rumors about her being the product of some sort of affair. He must have heard the same whispers that Bernie did. Salazar, this really was all a big mistake, wasn't it? Imagine if she had blindly trusted him with the truth of her origin when he was only too short sighted, willing to believe anything that he heard.
"I wonder if we might talk about my future job prospects, Headmaster," Hermione said, hoping to get things back on track. "Instead of you — unintentionally, I am sure — insulting me with innuendos."
"Of course, Miss Granger," he said, nodding at her.
"I have a personal interest in time magic, but it seems as if all the research regarding time turners is settled magic at this point," Hermione lied. "I was wondering if — academically, at least — you thought that there was an avenue to research forward time travel?"
"You wanted to speak with me about the merits of time travel?" he asked, disbelievingly.
"Well, yes, I just wondered if you thought that was a legitimate avenue of study," Hermione said, defensively. "I don't want to waste my time on something that isn't even feasible."
"And you thought that I was the best person to ask about this?" he asked, cynically. "Surely, your father would be an adequate source if you needed to discuss the possibilities of magic with someone."
Hermione gave him a tight smile. "Father is incredibly knowledgeable, of course," Hermione agreed. "And if I wanted to get his opinion on charms or warding, I certainly would, but I thought you might be a better source for the theoretical. And besides, as you said, my broader family is not exactly supportive of my ambitions after I leave school."
"Yes, I would imagine that they see your purpose as solely someone to continue the tradition of pure blood marriages that they are so devoted to," he said, snidely.
She wanted to smirk at him. Oh, if only she could divulge how she actually came to be there and in the Black family. She did not think that her family was in any rush to marry her off, because it would mean that they would have to come clean about her squib parentage — a shameful secret of the Black family.
"In any case," he continued, clearing his throat. "No, I do not think that forward time travel is a feasible avenue of study. I do not think that forward time travel is a possibility."
"And why not?" Hermione demanded, feeling as though a bucket of cold water had been poured over her at the cavalier way that he said it.
"Because with each minute change that we make day to day, there are hundreds of possible futures to go to. How could you determine which was the correct one or select that future with any kind of specificity?" he asked. "No, it's fantasy to think that we could have any hope of controlling that, even with the might of magic that we possess. So, you will just have to pick some other future profession, Miss Granger."
Hermione felt like she might cry right there in front of him, to hear him be so resolute in his thinking. If Dumbledore did not think that she could go forward in time, she feared that it was truly not possible. Somehow, hearing it from the Headmaster made it feel so much more real than the dozens of times that Orion had told her that she couldn't go back.
Swallowing around the lump in her throat, she gave him a curt nod. "I should be going, then. I am sure I've taken up more than enough of your time, Headmaster," she said in a great rush, hoping that he could not detect the wobble in her voice.
When she got to the stairs, she practically sprinted down them, feeling hot tears bead up in the corners of her eyes and then slip down her cheeks. Oh, she'd really gone and done it, hadn't she? Now she was stuck here in the past and... and she had no hope at all that she could go back to where she belonged.
Determined to get back to the sanctuary of her room in Slytherin, Hermione turned the corner to head for the dungeons, only to catch her shoulder on someone.
"What are you doing sulking around here, Granger?"
Sirius's voice caught her by surprise and she almost wanted to stop, but she couldn't handle Harry's godfather being so utterly rude to her when she already was feeling so low! "Just leave me alone, Sirius," she demanded. "Just run back to your awful friends and leave me alone!"
"Aw, finally figuring out that being a Black isn't all you hoped it would be? Better figure things out and step back in line or else they will kick you out and replace you with some grasping little orphan," he sneered, grabbing her shoulder so that she would have to face him. Only, he seemed genuinely surprised when he realized that she was crying.
Hermione wiped furiously to hide the evidence from her cheeks, only it was little use to her now that he'd already seen how weak she was. "Salazar, Sirius! Don't you see that I didn't ask for any of this?" she asked him, her voice catching in her throat. "I didn't ask to end up in Grimmauld Place. I didn't ask to be a member of the Black family. I didn't ask to have your parents take me in — which they only even did because Arcturus demanded it. I didn't ask to end up in Slytherin. I didn't ask to replace you and it's not even like I could. I didn't ask to be here and all I want is to go home, but I can't do that, so now I am stuck here and I just... I have to make things work and it would be a lot easier if I didn't have you seeking me out to remind me how awful you find me every single day! Okay? I didn't ask for any of this!"
When she was finished, she was practically panting from the effort, unleashing all of her feelings on her errant brother. She could almost relish the look of absolute shock on his face, if only she didn't feel so raw and unguarded. Knowing that she had stunned him into silence, she took her leave, wanting to be alone with her turmoil.
Turning on her heel, she continued her trek down to the dungeons, confident that Sirius would not follow.