CHAPTER 5

Teaspoon read the letter while Jake and Jimmy tried to be discreet about watching his expression for any clue as to what was written in the pages. He had not even finished the first paragraph when his hands began shaking. "It's Lou. My God! It's our Lou!"

Jimmy's eyes went wide and he snatched the paper to read for himself, and found his own hands trembling. He didn't absorb most of the information, only Lou and a man and danger. He dropped the letter to the counter, using it to steady himself. She had been alive this whole time, taken, trapped, and God knows what else. And he had been sitting here on his ass, giving up.

"Lou? The little fella?"

Jimmy ignored the question, instead turning to Teaspoon.

"We know where she is. We have to go. Now!"

"What's the rest of it say?" he asked shakily.

This time Jimmy took the time to really read what was written in the letter. Lou was living as Louise Grayson. This man had taken her and had her living as his wife, with no memory of her former life. The letter said that the man was dangerous, though she was not in immediate danger. It went on to say that this man had a way of manipulating people and that the details were complicated. Miss Kelly asked that they come to Boston and find her, before trying to contact Louise in any way.

A short while after receiving the letter, those left of their family had gathered at Rachel's house, along with Colter who had been like a dog with a bone after learning that the little rider he knew as Lou was really the young woman Louise, that Jimmy was in love with her, and that she'd gone missing many months ago to now turn up in the Northeast. He found the story intriguing to say the least and had hitched his wagon to whatever plans these folks were going to cook up. Besides, he had never seen that part of the country, and he'd been bored with bounty hunting for a while now. Then there was the thought of Hickok owing him a favor. He liked that idea.

"She won't know us," Teaspoon told the others. "I've seen things like this before. Could be some kind of trauma to the head, or drugs, or hypnosis." He shrugged at the skeptical looks of the others. "I've seen it used as a parlor trick but who knows what other uses it has."

"It's been months," Rachel murmured. "My God." She wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"Teaspoon went on, "First things first. We get to Boston and meet up with Miss Kelly. There's things she left out of that letter, and we need all the information we can get. One thing we know for sure," he looked at each of his boys and finally back at Rachel, "we're coming home with Lou."

The choice was hard, but they couldn't all run off to Boston to chase Lou. There were responsibilities in town. Noah had to stay to act as deputy while both Teaspoon and Jimmy were away. Ike would stay behind to run the ranch that he and Buck had just started to get off the ground. Teaspoon and the others would be riding for the train in Missouri and make their way to the east coast.

The morning they left Sweetwater was cool and crisp, with the sun shining brightly as it made its way higher into the sky. Jimmy rode ahead of the others with Jake on his tail. They just couldn't shake the nosey bastard. Secretly, Jimmy was happy for the extra gun. He knew he was letting bloodlust drive him, but he didn't try to quell it. For all the abuse he imagined had been heaped on Lou in these long months, he would make her kidnapper pay. He would be as ruthless as Colter with a bounty.

Louise watched the snow swirling in the breeze outside her window. It was the first snowfall of the season. The first snowfall she had ever seen, as far as she could remember. It was beautiful and strange. Alex brought her a thick cloak for her to wear and slipped it over her shoulders, securing her hood to keep the snow from falling in her eyes. Underneath she wore a thick wool dress that buttoned up to her neck. She wore thick wool socks and high boots to keep her warm while they wandered the streets of the city. Alex had no need for such things but he covered himself in a cloak as well, for appearances.

Tonight they were having a night on the town, as Alex referred to it. Some of the theatres had finally returned to putting on plays instead of propaganda exhibitions for The Union. They were going to take in a show and then dinner in one of the finer hotel restaurants. Alex called it "playing at being human." Of course after Louise ate, they would find sustenance for him as well, and there was nothing human about that.

The play was The Tempest and Louise sat raptured by the actors as they brought Shakespeare's words to life. Her escort was far less interested in watching the play on stage than in observing her, watching her eyes sparkle, the tiny facial expressions she made in response to whatever was happening between the players. He sensed when her heart raced, and silently laughed when she scooted closer to the edge of her seat. She was his entertainment and his delight.

When it was over, they walked arm and arm through the crowds, slowly making their way to the Parker House. Alex paused in the lobby, giving Louise time to realize what he'd known before they even entered the building. He'd picked up the boy's scent a block away. He'd smelled it on Louise often enough to know it by now. He knew when she heard his voice, felt the change in her pulse. To her credit, Louise's demeanor remained stoic and she kept her eyes focused ahead of them.

They walked through the lobby and into the dining area where they were greeted by the murmur of reserved chatter and clinking glasses. The host took their coats and sat them at one of their best tables, a quiet one tucked away in a far corner of the room. The high backs of the plush booth hid them from the rest of the customers and Alex pulled her close so that she was practically in his lap.

"You want him still," he whispered into her ear. "We can change our plans for the night if it would please you."

Before she could reply, she was startled by the sound of their waiter clearing his throat. Embarrassed, she slid along the booth until she was an acceptable distance from Alexander. He ordered a bottle of wine and dinner for Louise before excusing himself from the table. When he returned, he placed a hotel room key in her palm. "One of their best suites. Mr. Winchester will be waiting for you." He grasped her chin firmly and turned her eyes to his. "This is the last time you'll see him, Louise. You'll have the night. Say your goodbyes."

"Why are you doing this?" she asked before taking a large sip of her wine.

"Because you wish it. And I like to please you. Because you need to get this boy out of your system. He is in your past. After tonight you can move on with that understanding." He took small sips of the red wine. Though the taste did nothing for him, he still appreciated the feel of the alcohol on his tongue and in his throat as he swallowed. "You must learn to appreciate mortal things Louise, without becoming attached to them."

Jack was not a thing to her, but saying so would not do her any good. She finished her first glass of wine and Alex filled her glass again.

By the time dinner was over Louise was feeling the influence of the alcohol, of Alex, and of her own stirred desire for the man waiting for her upstairs. When she opened the door to the room, he flew to her and kissed her deeply. He smelled like soap and cologne and smoke, and less like the sea, but his scent was still there, underneath it all. His hands went immediately to her buttons, unfastening them one by one as he spoke of how he'd missed her, how he loved her, how he wanted her.

Louise felt one of his hands slip inside her bodice. He was pushing her towards the bed. "Wait Jack, wait please." She took the hand that was groping her breast and the other that was gripping her waist and placed them over her cheeks, holding tightly to his wrists. "Tell me what you remember about me?"

He stared into her dark eyes and his expression softened, some of the blind lust dissipated and he smiled at her. "I remember the first time I saw you. Wondering about you. We talked about sailing and you asked to see my boat." He freed a hand from her loosening grasp and pushed some stray locks over her shoulder. "You were bold. You started undressing, and I knew I'd never wanted anyone so badly before. We made love for hours that very first day we met." He pulled his hands away and smiled sadly. "I thought you were so free. But you were caged. Just as I am in his cage right now, while he allows it." He moved away from her and sat on the edge of the bed. "Your master is cruel. I won't even have the memories of you when it is done."

Louise took the spot next to him on the bed. "It will be like we never met."

"And for you? Will he let you remember?"

"I don't know," she answered him and they both sat silently for some time. A thought came to Louise that she could please Alex and still hold onto Jack in some way. "You can give me something to help me remember." Again she took Jack's hands in her own, placing them over her unfastened buttons. "Love me Jack. Just love me."

This time she didn't stop him as he finished unbuttoning her dress, stopping to kiss the rise of her breasts that peaked over her corset. The familiar feel of warm, wet breath against her skin made her gasp and she felt herself grow wetter. Jack whispered words of desire as he pushed her down into the bed and removed her clothes, letting them fall to the floor at the foot of the bed. Now, kneeling in front of her, he pushed her legs apart to see how ready she was for him, and chuckled when she shamelessly propped herself up to watch him doing so. His laughter caused her to smile in turn and she let herself fall back into the soft mattress, waiting to see what he would do next.

"Mmm," she moaned as his tongue lapped at her delicate lips. "Yes!" she pleaded when he licked the entrance to her warmth. "Ah!" she cried when he sucked her tiny bud between his lips. She came quickly, shaking as Jack skillfully devoured her.

He watched her come down from her climax, mouth open, her chest rising and falling as she started to breathe normally again. Her long brown hair pooled around her face and a thin sheen of sweat glistened on her skin. The thought that he may never see her like this again after tonight brought a sharp pain to his chest. Pushing the thought to the back of his mind, he laid next to her on his side.

"Louise." She opened her eyes and turned her head to face him. He pulled her on top of him and instinctively she straddled him. Her hands went to his belt and freed his straining erection. She stared into his eyes as she positioned herself above him before lowering herself to encompass him entirely in one fluid motion. His eyes took her in as she began to move, her lustful expression, the gentle bounce of her breasts, her tapered waist and delicate hips. Once she found her rhythm, her hands worked the buttons of his shirt and she pushed the material aside, resting her palms on his chest as she increased the pace. Jack's strong hands squeezed her ass encouragingly.

She watched him watching her and sensed the sadness behind his deep green eyes. After a while she lowered her head, unable to stand the despondency those eyes revealed. She focused instead on where their bodies joined together, praying simultaneously for a child and her own deliverance from this sordid captivity. Her hands clutched Jack tighter, she rode him harder, determinedly choking back tears.

"Louise," he said softly. She found herself being turned over and his weight on top of her as he tried to console her. He never pulled out of her as he whispered to forget about everything outside of this room, to let him love her as she'd asked him to do. Cupping his face in her hands she brought his mouth to hers and kissed him passionately. He returned her passion and resumed a gentle pace, thrusting deep inside of her as she wrapped her legs around him. They came together in a whirlwind of heat and emotion.

Exhausted, the lovers fell fast asleep in each other's arms. For once, Louise slept without the nightmare visions of blood and death.

Jimmy slept fitfully. Fear and guilt battered his mind and his heart. If he had only searched longer, harder, farther. It was far too late for such realizations. He had failed the woman he loved above all else, horribly and unforgivably. He wallowed in grief when he should have been searching. While she suffered, he had started to learn to live without her. He wanted to beat the ever loving shit out of himself. These thoughts ran continuously through his mind as he lay awake.

By the time morning came, Jimmy was looking and feeling haggard. The others tried to give him space but Teaspoon saw his boy was struggling.

"It's not just you Jimmy. We all let our girl down this time," Teaspoon tried to reassure him as they were saddling their horses to continue on to Missouri. "None of us could have known -"

"It was always a possibility, Teaspoon," Jimmy cut him off. "A young woman like her, if someone found out, and she was all alone. I never should have stopped looking."

"And how would you have known to go all the way to Boston, son?" Before Jimmy could reply, the older man went on. "You looked as hard as anyone could have. If there had been a clue, you would have found it Jimmy. Now we know where to look," he patted his breast pocket where he kept the letter from Miss Kelly, "and we won't give up till she's home."

Jimmy nodded, though it gave him little comfort to think of coming to Lou's rescue too little too late. With a pat on the back, Teaspoon went back to packing up his gear.

Colter watched the interaction between the two men. Hickok must really love this girl, he thought to himself. Which only made him more curious about the puny Express Rider that he'd never paid much mind too. He was a bit embarrassed, having considered himself to be of an observant nature. The little minx had gone undetected by him, but apparently not by the other riders. He wondered how her secret had been revealed.

Jack and Louise woke several times throughout the night to make love. Neither wanted to waste a moment of what would most likely be their last time together. It was not like Alexander to change his mind once he'd given her an ultimatum. She was to make this a goodbye, or there would undoubtedly be unpleasant consequences.

"Spend the day with me?" Jack asked her as the sun was beginning to filter through the drapes and into the large hotel room. "What use can he have for you before the sun goes down anyway?"

She agreed easily, wanting nothing more than to go on pretending that this was her real life, with Jack.

After dressing, they did their best to discreetly leave the hotel, using the workers' entrance to exit into an alley rather than the main street. Jack still wore his uniform and Louise her evening gown and hooded cape. They made a strange pair as they ran hand in hand through the narrow alley and into the road that ran behind the hotel. There was still untouched snow covering much of the street and it shimmered blindingly in the early morning sun.

Jack knew the city well and they ducked into a small restaurant. Together they devoured eggs, toast, sausage, bacon, beans, and a pot of coffee. The majority of other patrons were too busy finishing their own breakfasts and rushing off to work to notice the ravenous, mismatched pair.

When they'd finished, Jack paid for their food and they stepped out into the late morning sunshine. It had grown warmer and the snow was starting to melt, dripping down the buildings and creating tiny streams between the cracks in the cobblestones.

"Don't you have to get back to the hotel?"

"Not until the evening. We'll have you home well before then." He gripped her hand and they set off towards the boarding house where Jack was renting a room. He knew the housekeeper's schedule and so it was not too difficult to sneak Louise into his bedroom on the second floor. Most of the other guests were out at this time of day and the floor was deserted. Jack washed up and changed his clothes while Louise wandered around the small room. He didn't have much, some clothes and personal items, a few books. She looked through the titles and saw what she expected, some books on sailing and a few fiction novels. Stuck between two of the bindings she saw a thin paperback and pulled it out. It was a dime novel about someone named Wild Bill.

"What's this?" She held it up and showed it to Jack.

"Oh, some dime novel from out west. It was in the room when I rented it."

"Have you read it?"

"Started to. It's contrived rubbish in my opinion." She continued to study the cover's illustrations. "Take it, if you'd like. Maybe you'll find it entertaining."

It was nothing like the books she usually chose. And she thought Jack was probably right about it being mostly rubbish but, for some reason, she wanted it. So she slipped it into the inner pocket of her cloak.

"Have you ever thought of going west?" she asked him.

"Me?" He shrugged. "Nah. Too far from the ocean for me"

"What about California? The Pacific?"

He grabbed her hand and swung her around and into his arms. "Only if you're going with me." Turning serious he asked, "Could we run?"

"I don't think I would get very far. I can't leave him." She looked down, ashamed of her overwhelming need for the man that tortured them both.

"That's what you always say." Burying his face on the top of her head, he breathed in the sweet orange blossom scent of her.

When Louise arrived home it was nearly dusk. She had just enough time to take a bath before Alex would rise for the evening. After breakfast, she and Jack had whiled away the rest of the morning in his room, talking and drinking. By the afternoon they were both slightly drunk and hungry again so they had ventured back outside, finding a quiet place to have a late lunch. Tempted as she was to return home with him after that, she knew it was only postponing their inevitable parting. So she had kissed him goodbye outside the restaurant and wandered the city alone until she noticed the sun sinking low.

Discarding her clothes and belongings onto her bed, she pulled on her robe and began the process of warming the water for her bath. She had a pump in her personal water closet and a wood stove. She fed the fire and put the water in a large pot to boil. As she waited, she flipped through the dime novel Jack had given her. The story was undeveloped to say the least. A man named Wild Bill apparently traversed the west on horseback, shooting anyone who got in his way, sometimes for no other reason than he didn't like the looks they gave him. The law was scared of him, some men sought him out to make a name for themselves, and all women secretly lusted after him. It was rubbish. Still she appreciated the detailed descriptions of the western landscape. She pictured the vast, unencumbered horizons, the fields of wildflowers, and the red and orange sunsets that the book described.

This is where Alexander had found her, somewhere in this wild country to the west. She couldn't wrap her head around the story he had told her; she'd posed as a man, done men's work, lived among them. Had they used her as he'd implied? What had she meant to them and they to her? She must have not meant much to her original family to end up in such a spot. Not one memory, not one face from her past was known to her. She picked up one of the books on her nightstand and slipped into the bath, hoping to divert herself from this train of thought.

The group reached Missouri in the evening. Teaspoon got hotel rooms for the lot of them and suggested they share a meal in the restaurant before turning in. The first train would arrive bright and early in the morning. Once the food was in front of them, all but Colter seemed to have lost their appetites. Food was pushed around the plates and small bites taken, but everyone's thoughts were on Louise. Jake scanned his new companions and noted the sunken eyes of Hickok and the sad countenances of the others. They had all looked happier when they believed her dead.

"Tell me about her?"

"What?" Jimmy asked, stunned.

"Lou. Louise. What is she like?"

Surprisingly, a small smile formed on Rachel's lips. "Strong, but sweet. A good friend," she added, looking away.

"Stronger than you know," Hickok added quietly, mostly to himself.

"She could handle herself," Buck told him. "And you wouldn't want to make her angry."

At Buck's remark, Teaspoon actually chuckled. "No indeed, you would not want to do that."

When Colter finally turned in for the night, it was with a better understanding of the young woman they were chasing. As he put the pieces together, he became more curious about her. Her story made sense, orphaned, alone, not many ways for girls in her position to make a living, at least not with their clothes on, she disguised herself to get a job. From all he had heard she was a force to be reckoned with, but also a gentle, caring, and loyal friend. He could tell Teaspoon and Rachel thought of her as a daughter, Buck as a close friend, maybe even a sister. She had a real family, a blood family, but they didn't talk much about that, or how they discovered Lou was a girl, or how her and Hickok had become close. But things Jimmy said made him think that she had known pain long before she was taken by this man. If she was a survivor, strong as they all said, then she could come through this as well. And he could meet the sweetheart of Wild Bill Hickok, Miss Louise McCloud.

Louise finished her bath and wrapped herself in a thick towel. She didn't bother dressing as she had no idea what Alex had planned for the night. She put away her clothes from the previous evening and straightened her room. She shoved the dime novel under some things in one of her drawers, not wanting Alex to take this small memento of Jack even if it was some cheap paperback. She stoked the fire, and sat, and waited.

"How was he?"

"Jack is fine."

He grabbed her towel and pulled it off her body. "I mean, how did he fuck you?"

She turned away. Louise had no intention of playing this game with him tonight. "If you want to punish me, just do it."

He smiled lasciviously. "I'd like nothing more, but how can I properly discipline you when you might be carrying our unborn child? Now dress yourself and come down for dinner."

If she only had the strength to defy him, Louise would have stayed in her room alone. But the part of her that wished to please him, to be near him, to feel him, was too powerful. She was sure he would spend the night mocking her for her human attachments, berating her for her promiscuity, and finally teasing her relentlessly till she begged for him. She dressed in a simple black dress with a low neckline, pulled her hair into a ponytail, and headed downstairs to her fate.

"Not all women can look so beautiful with such little effort," he told her, gesturing for her to sit in the chair across from him. Before her was a meal of calves liver with onions and wilted greens. Louise did not like liver and he knew this.

She ate in silence as he watched her. She would have devoured the thing to get it over with. But she knew he wanted her to eat like a lady, so she cut small pieces and chewed each bite deliberately. The salad she ate last, to help cleanse the organ's taste from her mouth. When she finished, Alex cleared her plate.

"You may have been successful this time, Louise. Only time will tell." She knew he meant her and Jack and their attempt to conceive. He watched her closely, the way her hand absentmindedly covered her stomach, the way her expression changed and he knew she thought of him. "Put the boy out of your mind. This will be our child, if indeed you did conceive."

"You don't know how to be a father anymore than I know how to be a mother. I hope I never conceive," she spat at him, suddenly full of rage.

"You will."

It was hard for her to imagine how a child would fit into this strange life of theirs. She pictured them as a family like the ones she had seen in the park. They could never sit in the sun together. She tried instead to put them in their home, around the dinner table, by the fire. But such things always ended in blood one way or the other.

"I've never truly been your wife. Only your possession. A child will be no different for you."

"Oh sweet Louise. And how do you think men view their wives? Or their children? There is very little light and love in this world. You should have learned that by now. Your own childhood left much to be desired. Violence, sickness, abandonement, rape. Our child will never have to fear such things. They will never have to feel the pain of losing a parent.

"I have removed such pain for you as well. Everything I have built here is for your comfort, your pleasure. And you remain ungrateful."

Louise laughed and stood abruptly. "You think I feel no pain? You think I experience no violence? What do you think you are doing to me?" She was yelling, and trembling, fighting the urge to hurl herself at him and start swinging.

Alex remained calm. "That is quite enough. Sit down." She fell hard into her seat as if she'd been pushed. He liked Louise's fire. It was part of what attracted him to her. But her recent impudence was beyond what he was willing to allow. The boy was responsible. He sparked this defiance in her.

Before she could blink, Alex was standing beside her. He pulled on the thin black ribbon that held her hair in place and gently combed through her thick locks. The feeling immediately relaxed her and any thoughts of Jack or her anger quickly evaporated. He continued to massage her scalp until he felt that last bit of tension leave her body. Louise leaned into his touch, sighing. She was his. Had always been. Would always be. And she found that comforting.