Chapter Twelve

To Hell & Back

The next morning, a soft knock pulled me out of sleep. I sat up and looked around, trying to get my brain to catch up with current events.

I was in Negan's room. A glance to my left confirmed that he was still in bed, his mouth hanging slightly open and a light snore coming out of him. I couldn't help but smile. It was actually kinda cute.

The knock sounded again and I jumped out of bed and quickly made my way to the front door, through the bedroom and into the office. I jerked the door open, ready to scold whoever was knocking for trying to wake Negan up, but stopped short when my eyes settled on Laura and Arat.

They were standing there in their workout gear, shoulder to shoulder, with broad smiles on their faces.

"What are you two doing?" I hissed, trying to keep my voice down.

"Well, we were trying to find out why you're late for training, but it seems like we now know," Arat said, amusement coloring her voice.

"Getting a little physical activity outside of the gym, huh?" Laura asked, causing Arat to snort out a laugh.

"How did you two even know I was here?" I asked, glaring at both of them.

"Well, you weren't in the gym or the lab or your room or the kitchen. Process of elimination. Also, Fat Joey saw Negan carrying you into his room last night. Nice shirt, by the way," Laura responded, still trying, and failing miserably, to keep a smile off of her face.

I looked down to see that I was still wearing Negan's shirt. I wanted to laugh. They were ridiculous.

"You two are going to wake Negan up and I'm not going to stop him when he starts yelling," I said, tilting my head at them.

"Does this mean you're not going to come to the gym? You got other plans? Ooooh, like maybe a little flexibility training with the big boss?" Arat asked, jumping back and laughing when I went to kick her in the shin.

"Training is canceled today. You two dingleberries get out here," I said, finally letting a laugh fall out of my mouth.

They started backing away slowly. I seen them share a look and then proceed to embarrass the fuck out of me. My face turned bright red as they walked away, mimicking different sex positions as they went and calling, "Oh, Negan" in a high pitched voice. My face was so hot I could fry an egg on it.

"What are they doing?" A deep voice asked right beside my ear.

My head snapped to the right. Negan was leaning to peer out of the door over my shoulder, his eyebrow raised as he watched Arat bend over in front of Laura who started thrusting her hips in a mocking manner, causing both of them to laugh hysterically. They looked back at me, noticed Negan, and straightened immediately, their faces going pale. They turned in circles for a second before hustling down the hallway.

I let out a loud laugh as Negan looked at me and smiled. I shouldered him back in the room and shut the door behind me. Leaning back against it, I reached out and grabbed Negan's shirt, pulling him to me and getting up on my tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips.

He reacted immediately, his hands pressing to either of my cheeks and pulling my lips harder to his. We stayed like that for a minute, kissing and touching each other before Negan pulled back and placed a light kiss on my nose.

"Stay with me today. Take the day off," he breathed, his eyes staying locked on mine.

I smiled at him, letting my fingers trail down his abdomen under the t-shirt he must have pulled on when he got out of bed.

"I have things to do, mister."

"I've looked at the logs. You're way ahead of schedule. Can the other three just handle it for today?" He implored, eyes still searching my face.

He was right. We were way ahead of schedule, realistically double where I wanted to be at this point, thanks to my group. They had caught on so much faster than I thought they would and could handle most things other people needed. I caught my bottom lip between my teeth, thinking for a second.

This probably wasn't a great idea. At least, that's what I wanted myself to believe, but the way he had whispered into my hair last night when he thought I was sleeping played in my head again. I did miss spending time with him. How we used to be in Purcellville. Just talking. This didn't have to mean anything huge, right? And I could use a day off…

Mind made up, I smiled and nodded my head.

"On one condition," I said.

"And what's that?" He asked, as a brilliant grin took over his face and he leaned into my neck, kissing up the column of my throat.

"Say please."

He jerked his head back and looked at me, his eyes squinting.

"You want me to say please, huh?" He asked.

I could tell by the mischievous glint in his eyes that the likelihood of him actually saying the word "please" was minimal.

"I do."

His hands gripped my hips and he was suddenly lifting me over his shoulder as I squealed. His arms wrapped around my legs to keep me steady and one of his hands came up to slap my ass, causing a laugh to fall out of my mouth.

"I can say please in multiple different fucking ways, wildflower," he said, walking through the office and continuing through the bedroom to the bathroom.

And he did say please while we showered together. With his mouth and his fingers and other very important parts of his body. He was really fucking good at saying please.

"Got it! I believe that is my tenth phase. I win!" I said excitedly as I laid my cards down on the floor.

Negan scowled.

"You're cheating," he said, pouting.

"It's Phase Ten, Negan. How could I possibly cheat?" I laughed, shaking my head.

He looked up at me and laughed, pulling me to his lap.

We were sitting on the floor in front of the TV, me rocking one of his big t-shirts and him in a pair of gray sweats. We had just finished lunch and were playing games while watching The Boondock Saints. Negan, forever the sore loser, hadn't been faring too well during Phase 10.

He snuggled his face into my neck, which I had realized was his favorite place to rest his head, and placed another kiss to my pulse.

"Is this really your favorite movie?" He asked, as my eyes settled on the TV.

"Absolutely. Followed closely by Legally Blonde."

He laughed loudly.

"Very opposite ends of a spectrum, wildflower."

I smiled down at him.

"Gotta switch it up sometimes."

I looked back up at the TV, remembering mine and my dads yearly viewing of his movie. He'd deemed Saint Patrick's Day our annual Boondock day, due to the main characters being Irish, which always made me roll my eyes. We'd spend the whole day together. He'd take me shooting, we'd get home and he'd grill, and then we'd settle into the couch to watch. Mom and Colt would always go out to get dinner that night, leaving us to spend the day alone. I had looked forward to it every year.

"What are you thinking about?" Negan murmured, touching my face lightly and looking up at me.

"My dad. He loved this movie too," I answered, feeling sadness constrict my throat..

"Tell me about them. Before everything. I never really got to know them too much, the few times I met them," Negan responded, running his hand up and down my back.

I paused. I hadn't talked about my family to anyone over the last month and a half of remembering them. I kept them locked away inside me, entirely too scared to deal with the sadness that flooded me when I thought about them. But they didn't deserve that. They deserved to be remembered. I cleared my throat.

"My dad was the best. He was meant to be dad, you know? He had the answers for everything, but he would never just tell you. We had to work for it, learn the lesson on our own, but he was always so patient," I said, with a sad smile, a few tears rolling down my face. "I've never met a man as kind as him, either. He would do anything for anybody. He was the calm to every storm. While mom and I always went headfirst into everything, he was always there to reel us back in a little."

Negan nodded his head. "He sounds like a good man."

"Oh, he was. The best man. He lived to make my mom laugh. He had the worst dad jokes, but she fucking loved them," I said, giving a sad laugh, not even bothering to wipe the tears away that dripped off my chin, "He would go out of his way to get her to smile. And the look on his face when she did was what what set my standards for men so impossibly fucking high."

I laughed again at that. It was true. I could barely make it through a first date before everything fell apart. My friends used to make fun of me for it, but I held firm to the belief that when I found someone who was worth it, I would know. And before that moment, I wasn't going to waste my time for the sake of wasting time.

"You seem to have lowered those standards a little bit," Negan laughed, tickling my side lightly.

My body jerked at his fingers and I laughed, swatting at his hand.

"Oh, no. They're still sky fucking high," I said, winking at him and placing a kiss to his nose.

I put my head back on his shoulder.

"My mom, though. That woman was a force of fucking nature," I started.

"Ah, so that's where you get it from," he said with a small chuckle.

"That's what my dad always said. She was a flight nurse, so like the people who would help transport critically ill people from hospital to hospital in helicopters. That's how they met. Dad was an EMT. There was a patient he had brought in who'd been shot, a kid who was alone, and dad wouldn't leave him. He ended up flying out with the kid and of course my mom was the nurse. She offered to drive him back home after they landed and were able to contact the kids' parents. Which was a four hour drive one way. He said that he fell in love with her the moment she stepped out of that helicopter," I said, a smile pulling at my lips again as I remembered his face when he told that story, "She would run into anything, full speed, no brakes. She wasn't scared of a single fucking person. But she was also kind, you know? And so fucking funny. I think I get my sense of humor from her. Dad always said that he was pretty sure he had nothing to do with my conception, that I was all her."

Negan's hand had absentmindedly started trailing up and down my spine again as he laughed.

"But Colt, Colt was the best parts of both of them. Funny, smart, kind, fearless, intuitive, headstrong. Right before everything went to shit, he had just gotten accepted into Duke for pre-med. He was so excited. He wanted to be a doctor more than anything. He took a year off after high school and traveled with money he had saved up on his own. He was so determined to see the world and make it a better place. We're six years apart, but he was my best friend. We did everything together. He'd always come and spend time with me in DC. He called me every night just to tell me about his day or a new girl. I… I really miss those phone calls now, you know?" I finished, sniffling as more tears fell.

"You were lucky to have them, wildflower. And they were just as fucking lucky to have you," he murmured, placing a kiss on my collarbone.

"I… I just wish I could have protected them. It was my fault we were even there in the first place. It was all my fault," I sobbed, the tears coming down faster now.

"Hey, baby, no. No, none of this was your fault," he whispered, pulling me tight to him while I cried.

"It was, Negan. I found Purcellville. Brendan was going to turn us away and I was so desperate to get into a place that had solid walls that I told him what I could fucking do. It was all me."

I continued crying into his shoulder. I couldn't make the body shakes stop, but he held me the entire time, placing small kisses to my shoulder and neck. When I finally started calming down, he pulled back and looked at me.

"You're going to get your justice, wildflower. I promise," he said, fierce determination shining in his eyes.

I nodded my head, my sadness morphing to anger instantly.

"I absolutely fucking am."

A small smile pulled up his mouth.

"You really are a badass, doll. And I can't fucking wait to see you in action."

We finished the movie with me still on Negan's lap, not wanting to remove myself from him quite yet. When the credits started to roll, I remembered something.

I jumped up quickly.

"I got you a present. Let's go."

He looked at me, confused, as I skipped across the room to his dresser and stole another pair of his sweats. I pulled them on, tying the string as tight as I could to make sure they wouldn't slide off of me at some point. When I was throwing my hair into a messy bun, he finally spoke.

"Where are we going? What did you get me?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's a surprise, Negan. Now come on."

I reached down for his hand and helped pull him up, dragging him to the door.

I made quick work of sliding my feet into a pair of tennis shoes and urged him to do the same. He was still looking at me like I'd grown an extra head, but he didn't complain when I locked my hand around his and started out the door. Clearly, I was a woman on a mission that he wasn't going to question.

Winding my way through the halls and down a couple flights of stairs with Negan behind me, I found the back hallway that led to the kitchen, deciding that Negan probably didn't want to be stared at in his sweatpants. I was pretty sure he'd never made an appearance in front of everyone in such casual clothes before.

We hit the kitchen to, thankfully, find it empty. We probably didn't have much time as Ms. Ellie and her staff would need to get ready for dinner soon.

I pulled Negan towards a stool at the island and made him sit. Walking to the pantry, I stepped inside and located the long pan that Ms. Ellie had promised me would be ready today.

"Are you ready?" I called to him, not able to stop the excitement from weaving into my voice.

"Uh, yeah. I think so," He responded, still sounding confused and a little nervous.

"Close your eyes," I demanded.

He huffed, but I assumed his eyes were closed, as I carefully made my way back to him, while holding on the ridiculously large try.

I slid it down in front of him and stepped back, making sure to keep my eyes on his face.

"Okay, open them."

His eyes opened and he looked down. It took a second but a grin spread across his face. His eyes rose to mine slowly.

"The first day we met you said that you wanted to find a box of Rice Krispies Treats, but hadn't been able to yet. And, while I can't go out and find any right now, I asked Ms. Ellie and we had the stuff to make them. So I commissioned her to make some for me. For you. You don't have to eat them. You've just been leaving stuff for me on my bed and I wanted to do something nice. I don't know," I said, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks as a wave of embarrassment hit me.

Oh, good god. Why did I fucking do this?

Negan jumped from the stool and was on me, mouth crashing down to mine, before I could gauge what was happening.

His lips frantically moved on mine, making me forget where I was for a second, as I placed my hands on the back of his head and pulled him to me. His arms were around my waist, pressing me against his body. When his tongue slid against my bottom lip, I let out a whimper.

"Before this goes somewhere that none of us can come back from, I feel like you both should know that there are other people in the room," a deep, amused voice came from behind us.

Negan and I jumped and pulled apart quickly, like two teenagers who had just been caught by a grown up. I felt my cheeks redden again, for the third time that day, as I looked over at the small group who had just come through the door.

Simon, stood there smiling broadly, with Ms. Ellie to his left, who had her hand pressed to her chest, looking like she had just won the lottery. Dwight stood on Simon's right with a small smile and raised eyebrows, while two other Saviors stood behind them. No one said a word, they just stared at us in quiet amusement.

I glanced over at Negan, who I was surprised to find looking a little sheepish. He cleared his throat, and I just knew a smartass remark was going to fall from his lips. Before he could open his mouth, I spoke up.

"Ms. Ellie made some rice krispy treats for me and I was just showing them to Negan. Do you guys want some?" I asked, smiling.

"The fuck. Of course we do!" Dwight said, stepping around Simon and heading to the other side of the island.

"Language around Ms. Ellie, asshole," Negan grumbled, sitting back on the stool.

Everyone laughed as they made their way to the island. I looked under the ledge for another stool, but caught Negan's eye. He patted his thigh without saying anything. I sat on his knee, his left hand splaying across my stomach to keep me steady.

Ms. Ellie provided me with a knife and I cut everyone a piece, carefully handing it to them. Conversation started up about random things; the last run, a bird that had flown into the dining hall and shit in Leonards soup (which they deemed fine because the old man was an asshole anyway), what pre-packaged junk food everyone missed.

Negan even started to relax and join in on the conversation, which surprised everyone. Ms. Ellie made eye contact with me from across the island and smiled, nodding her head at Negan and widening her eyes a little. I laughed. The woman was about as subtle as a blow horn.

"Oh, come on. I would give my left nut for a package of Oreo's," Dwight said, before looking over at Eleanor, "Sorry, Ms. Ellie."

Laughter rang out around the room.

"Nah, man. Pop-Tarts. I would sell my girlfriend for a Pop-Tart," Ben, one of the other Saviors, said while he bit into the food in his hand.

"The brown sugar ones are literally what dreams are made of," I groaned.

Ben pointed a finger at me, "Absolutely. This woman gets it, ya'll!"

"No, but fruit roll ups," Simon said, "The unholy things I would do to get my hands on a fruit roll up right now."

"Sour Patch Kids. I would brave the outside if someone told me where to find Sour Patch Kids," Ms. Ellie chimed in, her mouth drawing down in a frown.

"Peanut Butter M&M's," I said simply, and everyone groaned.

"Regular M&M's," Levi, the Savior next to Ben said, shaking his head.

Everyone looked at him.

"This is the first time I've literally ever heard you speak and now I know why. You're a psychopath. Regular M&M's, really?" Negan said, looking at the kid and laughing.

"Regular M&M's are delicious and I won't apologize for that," Levi mumbled, causing everyone to burst out in laughter.

At some point, Arat, Laura, and a few others who weren't Saviors came in. I offered them all a piece of the rice krispy treat and they joined in with everyone else. I kept glancing at Negan. His face was relaxed and he had put his chin on my shoulder while he talked with everyone. He looked peaceful, happy even. He didn't even threaten to use Lucille on anyone. It was nice.

I caught the way everyone looked between Negan and I curiously, like they were trying to pinpoint exactly what was happening with us. I didn't pay much mind to it and no one said anything. I didn't need to explain anything and I was sure everything would go back to normal starting tomorrow anyway.

After an hour or two, Negan tapped my hip and I slid off of him.

"We're going back to our room," Negan said, grabbing the tray with the leftovers to take with us.

"Oh, our room, huh? Sounds pretty serious," Simon stated, looking at the both of us and raising an eyebrow, "Must be though, with the matching outfits that you're sporting right now."

I looked down at us. He was right. We both had on gray sweats and white t-shirts, which all belonged to Negan.

"You leave them alone, Simon. I'll throw a pan at you right now if another word comes out of that big mouth!" Ms. Ellie called from her position by the sink, shooting a death glare over her shoulder.

"Ouch, Ms. Ellie. I thought we were friends!" Simon said back, his hand slapping over his heart, "Actually, before you go, we were all talking. Ms. Ellie said we're hatching enough chicks to be able to slaughter quite a few of the ones that are already full grown. We're thinking of having a barbecue the night before we leave for Purcellville. You two in?"

I looked up at Negan who just looked at me.

"Are we in, wildflower?" he murmured, raising an eyebrow.

Like I would ever say no to a barbecue. I debated for a second while looking up at Negan. I knew what I wanted to say, but I didn't know how he was going to react to it. Deciding it was usually better to ask for forgiveness than permission, I turned toward Simon.

"We're in. But it's for everyone, not just Saviors, so make sure there's enough food to go around. No points required," I leaned around Simon to look at Ellie, "We'll make potato salad. I'm really good at potato salad, so I can take care of that if you want to make another side that you know we can spare in bulk."

She nodded her head and thought for a second, "Deviled eggs it is. And a salad."

I heard a groan come from Dwight. "I'll marry you right now, woman."

Ms. Ellie laughed, "I don't think Sherry would appreciate you proposing to me, young man."

I turned back to Simon and smiled.

"Night before we leave. Everyone. Let's do it in that patch of grass outside between the gardens and the livestock. It's pretty there. And there's room for kids to play."

Simon stood in front of me looking a little shell shocked. He looked up at Negan and raised an eyebrow, but Negan was just looking down at me, a smile settled on his face.

"You heard the woman. Make sure there's enough for everyone," he muttered, before placing his free hand on my back and steering me out of the room, through the back hall.

"You wanna tell me when you decided you could start making decisions around here?" He asked, looking at me as we walked while trying to keep a hold on the tray.

"It was a really small decision. Plus these people work their asses off, Negan. They deserve something good. Something fun."

He was silent for a moment while we walked and I glanced over at him.

"You mad at me now?" I asked.

He chuckled.

"No, wildflower. I'm not mad at you. If it had been anyone else, probably. But you're right. They need something. Just don't make a fucking habit of making decisions before speaking to me, yeah?"

I nodded my head, suppressing the urge to roll my eyes, and we continued walking.

Once we were back in his bedroom, he slid the tray on the table and turned to me as I pulled the sweats off, wanting to be comfortable again.

"I didn't get to say it before, but thank you. For today. For this," he mumbled, pointing to the tray, "People don't really do things like that for me often. Or ever, really. So thank you."

I looked over my shoulder and smiled at him as I tried to fold the pants in my hand.

"You've done a lot for me recently. And I was kind of an asshole to you a few weeks ago. Figured you deserved something you really wanted."

I heard his footsteps and then the heat of his body as he came up behind me. His arms wrapped around my waist.

"What I really want is you," he murmured into my hair.

I smiled.

"Well, I'm here for tonight," I whispered, leaning back against him.

"Cute that you think it's just for fucking tonight," he chuckled, biting my ear.