A Snake Decides to Love (1.)
To all things, there is an end.
Being a hashira had an expiration date. He was deeply aware of this, they all were, but he shouldered the burden of a short life for the chance to end demonkind. It was what sustained him. What made Obanai take another step instead of biding time until his death.
Obanai fully expected to die in battle one day, but he hoped he would take so much of that demonic fecal matter to hell with him it would be worth it.
Most people hated to be left alone with their thoughts, but he welcomed it. He needed to process the information.
He sat in his room after Amanae's debriefing. The master's wife had explained the curse of the demon mark but still desired them to obtain it. For the good of humanity. Gaining it meant sealing their fate but also gaining the power to end Muzan's reign of terror. A worthy sacrifice.
It was shocking enough how drastically master's health had plummeted. Filthy demons seemed to frolic in longevity while loved ones around him were picked off like flies. How cruel.
His dear friend Kaburamaru hissed soothingly near his ear.
Obanai patted the animal's leathery head and shifted closer to the window in his room, so the sun's rays could rest on his snake.
It was still light outside after such sobering news. Bright like her.
In the meeting, Kanroji explained her demon slayer mark in typical Kanroji fashion. Even he had winced at her joviality in such a serious moment. Then, he felt himself smile. She would be the only person to hear her impending doom and begin animatedly jumping around.
Either she had already made peace with herself about it or it hadn't fully registered. He needed to check on her.
Obanai scurried down a hallway. She wasn't in her quarters. Could she have gone somewhere to decompress after the full weight of the news? Maybe he should have checked a nearby candy or dango stand in the city. She loved sweets.
"You," Obanai called to one of the kakushi sweeping at the end of the hall.
"Yes?" The girl dutifully asked.
"Where is she?" He asked, not taking the time to explain who. These kakushi knew him, so it was obvious who he was after.
"Sh-she's in one of the dining rooms at the far-left manor, sir." The female kakushi bowed. He gave a stiff nod, barely acknowledging her, and left.
Kanroji had come a long way from being a directionally challenged woman who had to rely on him to find her room or the kitchen.
How was she faring?
Sweet Kanroji sat at a kotatsu. A cup of tea was at her side, and she looked at her reflection on a small desk mirror, judging by the shadows.
Besides the murmurings and noises from the outside, the room was mostly silent.
"Kanroji?" Obanai announced quietly.
"Huh? Oh! Iguro!" Kanroji yelled. "Come in!"
He heard her quick footsteps as he slid open the door.
She looked a little flustered.
"If I had known you were coming, we could've shared lunch!" She smoothed down her bangs and gestured at the table.
He sat down across from her.
"You didn't have to put it away," Obanai said.
Ever perceptive, he noticed she had turned the mirror facedown.
She pulled at a green strand of her hair, looking into her teacup instead of him. Kanroji usually met his gaze full-on and brimming with her general loveliness. Now she wouldn't meet his eyes.
He could feel his heart squeeze, but he let the silence rest. He folded his hands in his lap.
Finally, she said, "I never liked orange blossom tea much. I always preferred the calmness of matcha, but now I have to savor every flavor, y'know."
Obanai said nothing.
Kanroji rambled on. "Because I can't keep drinking and eating the same things. I've to expand my palette! Maybe when this is over, I can travel the world and taste all the food. I mean if we get rid of all the demons, of course, I always said I wanted to try my mama's food again … but I shouldn't because I know what it tastes like. But honestly, it's all I want to eat again, and I'm already making a big mess of my goal to try new things and old things I disliked. And—"
"Please take a breath, Kanroji." Obanai told her gently. "Why were you looking in the mirror? You look fine."
Kaburamaru extended across the table to touch its head to her hand in a massaging gesture.
That got her to look at him with those big green eyes. Then, a giggle.
"Well, I was just looking at myself because I'm about to turn twenty soon." She sighed in a way that seemed too serious for her. "Five years to go. I thought I would've been someone's wife by now."
There weren't any words he could say to comfort her. He didn't like fluff or empty words himself. But he could be there for her and take her mind off of things.
"What would you like for your birthday? I'll get you something when I go into town this week."
Maybe a necklace with red jewels to bring out her eyes. Or, a new pair of thigh-high socks. She would need a new pair soon. Not that he was keeping track. He was. Wasn't. Well, he couldn't help but notice her, and this was only to keep her well-stocked.
Kanroji looked thoughtful. "Maybe a puppy. Or, a husband, really. Just someone I could love—OH MY GOODNESS!"
Her eyes grew wide, and her mouth hung open. She slapped her cheeks with her hands.
"Kanroji?"
She blushed a soft pink.
Obanai and Kaburamaru shared confused looks.
Voice soft as a whisper, Kanroji murmured. "I just realized you're unmarried as well."
Heat crept up his neck.
"Yes, I am," he answered slowly. His brow lifted though most of his surprise was obscured by his bangs. No one was married besides Tengen, and that showoff had the nerve to have three wives.
Never had he felt nervous in her presence before, but he had a sense of foreboding or maybe just anticipation.
Kanroji touched his folded hands gently and pulled one away into her hand.
"The rest of you will have to unlock the mark as well. You—we'll all have limited lifespans."
He nodded. "It's the nature of our work."
"Yes, I know. But I would … I would like to become someone's wife before I die, Iguro."
She stared so deeply into his eyes that he wondered if she could see through his mask. He saw it swimming in her eyes. Hope.
He swallowed hard.
"If that's your desire, then I wish the same for you. I wanted to check on you, but I see you're all right, so—" It was a cowardly escape, but he didn't know if he could face her. He ignored his snake painfully constricting around his neck. Kaburamaru thought it was pathetic as well.
"Obanai, don't go." Kanroji's voice wobbled.
Immediately, he sat back down despite himself.
Closing his eyes, he cushioned the cutting words as best as he could. "Kanroji, any man worth his salt would be honored to marry you. But you've to be realistic. Is it fair to marry a civilian with the life you're living?"
"I guess only a fellow demon slayer would understand." She gave him a small smile. "Even better another hashira." Kanroji drawled.
A violent, fleeting thought raged through his head at the possibility she insinuated someone else. It was wrong of him to feel possessive over her. But he couldn't stand the thought of a faceless demon slayer or even another hashira with her.
"You'd understand, Iguro. We—we already get along well together." Kanorji clapped her hands. "And I can cook your favorites! I know you like kelp, so I can add it to as many dishes as you like."
"Enough joking now. Finish your tea. We'll have to prepare training for the current recruits."
Puffing out her cheeks, it may have been the first time in a while she had been annoyed with him. And not just for being too harsh on rookie slayers.
"I'm being serious! I would be a dutiful, loving wife to you." She rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "I don't think it would be right to birth babies that I won't be around to raise. But Kabarumura could be like our baby!"
The albino snake blushed furiously at that.
Her expression was so soft. Her smile was so serene. "And I've always liked you a lot, Iguro! I trust you. I just realized how it could work!"
He couldn't fight his vulnerable, wide-eyed look. His hand felt sweaty in her hand.
A few times he had dreamed of something like this, Kanroji showering him with her undivided love. Like, other dreams where he had an intact, non-crazed family. Where Rengoku still annoyed everyone with his loudness. Or no demons roamed the earth.
But dreams were for the unattainable and unrealistic desires in his heart. And the cheerful beauty in front of him wasn't a possibility.
It was no secret to anyone that he cared for her (except one oblivious thorn in his side but whatever). But Obanai never wanted to pursue anything beyond their intimate talks. If he loved her, then he would want to live for her. And that shouldn't happen.
It made sense why she was settling for him. She had four-five years at most, and he was a man close to her age and nearby. A marriage of convenience.
He thumbed at his mouth through the wrappings. His brow furrowed. She hadn't even seen him. A part of him was frustrated about it, and the other was undeniably scared.
"Well?" She asked him.
He realized he had been lost in his thoughts.
"Don't pretend, Iguro!" She pouted. "Aren't you going to ask me?"
Get it together, Obanai, he thought. He wouldn't allow himself to entertain the foolishness. Being her friend was enough, and it would stay that way until his death.
So, he played dumb.
"Please Kanroji. While I think you're very funny, I fail to see the humor in this. If you'll excuse me."
He slid the door closed and hurried back to his room. He left no room for anyone to call after him. Kaburamura hissed in disappointment; he could understand the feeling.
He just left her there. Like, a cruel idiot.
The love hashira had exposed her heart, and he had recoiled.
But it was too much to deal with. He was too much to deal with it. She didn't know, and he rather she didn't find out.
Loving him wasn't easy.