In an ironic twist of fate, me and my sister both got sick and spent our time together this week watching Gilmore girls and resting. So I'm happy I had time to write and get another chapter to you!

Thank you for your wonderful reviews Marysomething and Michie-Sunflower! They inspired me and I hope you continue to enjoy my story!

I'm giving this chapter an extra steamy M Rating and I hope you like it. (I can't stop writing these scenes sorry i have too much fun)

enjoy xoxo

disclaimer: I own nothing

The next morning, loud knocking wakes them both up. Jess realizes what it is first and turns to Rory with a smirk.

"I guess a helicopter landing isn't that loud after all."

She looks confused and then understands his words, her jaw drops with a gasp.

"Oh, no way you were right! How could he hide those expenses from his family? He's not here, he can't be! I don't want to see him!"

Jess shrugs, "Okay, I'll get the door." And he gets out of bed to do so.

"Jess! No!" She jumps out after him, "first of all you're in your underwear!"

"I know, maybe you should strip down to yours too so we can make this abundantly clear to him."

"Ugh," she groans as she follows Jess down the hall.

Suddenly she hears a very familiar, "Rory! Get up!" From the front door. She freezes and grabs Jess's arm to stop his motion.

"Crap! Why is my mom here?!" She squeals.

He shrugs, "wanted to surprise you, I guess? I still don't mind answering the door like this." He smirks but it doesn't take the fright away from Rory's face.

"Clothes, all over the floor!" She gestures to the area where they stripped before going to the bedroom the night before.

"Relax, here I'll put mine on right now." He picks his clothes up and starts to get dressed. He grabs hers and looks at her for further instructions. She walks to the bedroom, and he follows, tossing her clothes in her dirty laundry hamper.

"Jess, oh my god my mom is here. Um hide in the closet?"

"What?" Jess looks at her incredulously, "isn't she going to be here all day? She came from Stars Hollow to see you, I doubt it's just to say hi."

"Oh, right okay. Maybe you can stay in my office until we leave to get food or something? Read a book?"

"You're kidding, right?" She somehow doesn't notice the hint of a scowl on his face.

"If she sees us together like this, this early in the morning, she will know something's up!"

Her mom knocks again.

"And that would be so bad?" He asks, and she finally notices the agitation and glimpse of hurt on his face.

"No, I just…I haven't told her anything."

"And I have to suffer because of that?"

Rory looks down, feeling like a jerk.

"I'm sorry. But it's my mom."

He scoffs, "You know what, don't worry about it Rory. I'm leaving, just tell her I stopped by for a cup of sugar." He heads out and down the hallway of her apartment.

"Jess!" She calls, walking swiftly after him.

"No, go ahead. Keep me a dirty little secret. You would know how good that feels, wouldn't you?" He whirls around and seethes at her. His words burn, the severity of them leaves her speechless. He then mutters, "Keeping up your delusions is all that fucking matters anyway." She flinches and he moves his upper body away from her.

"That's not - "she tries to say but he cuts her off,

"Stop. Just," he runs a hand through his hair and sighs, "I'll call you." He turns back around and opens the front door.

"Jess?" Lorelai says as he blows past her.

"Lorelai." He growls behind him and runs down the steps to exit Rory's building.

"That time warp thing is happening again," Lorelai mutters as she walks into Rory's apartment.

"Rory what happened?" She finds her daughter with a frightened look on her face. Rory quickly tries to shake it off and force a smile.

"Nothing. I didn't know you were visiting mom."

"Something did happen. Did you tell him about the baby? Did that jerk run out of here because he can't handle it? I was afraid that would happen."

"No! Mom. He knows…everything. We're fine. Everything's fine. He just had to leave. We were working on the book and lost track of time. It was a business meeting."

"He knows everything? Logan?" Lorelai asks, face fixed in dismay.

Rory nods.

"And…he has been nice about it?"

"Of course he has!"

"Honey, then why do you look upset?"

"I'm not upset. I'm fine. I'm…happy to see you."

"Uh huh. How long has this thing been going on with Jess? Let me guess, since thanksgiving?"

"Nothing is going on. We're just friends."

"Hah! You forget who you're talking to kid? You were never just friends. When you were teenagers, I knew you had feelings for him before you did!"

"Mom. Not that I'm not happy to see you, but why are you here?"

Lorelai sighs and lets the subject pass, "I called you and texted you yesterday that I wanted to visit. When I didn't get an answer, I freaked out and was tossing and turning all night. But Luke convinced me that I should wait until the morning to see if you answer before I drive down and knock down your front door. You didn't, so here I am."

Rory curses to herself, feeling contrite that she missed her mom's calls because she was ignoring Logan's, "I'm sorry. I had my phone on silent for most of yesterday. So I could get work done."

"It's okay, I only had five hundred visions of different horrible things that could have happened to you. Those Final Destination movies have really inspired my anxious creativity."

Rory's face scrunches slightly, "I'm okay. I'm sorry. I'm glad that you're here."

"Really? Because I haven't heard from you much lately and I thought maybe you were avoiding me. Or did you just forget about the little people back in your kooky hometown?"

Rory chuckles and walks up to Lorelai who opens her arms and gives her a tight hug.

"I miss you, kid. You think I would be used to being apart by now, with all your traveling and galivanting, but having you home for a while spoiled me."

"I miss you too mom."

"How much? About an extra-large coffee from your favorite coffee shop nearby? With a chocolate croissant?"

"More than that but yes, I'll take you to my favorite place. Let me just get changed."

"Oh good, I wasn't going to judge your Grinch pajamas, but other people might have."

"Well thanks for that. Be right back." Rory walks towards her room and hears Lorelai call after her, "By the way, interesting choice of clothing for a business meeting!" then shortly after, "Hey, you actually have a house plant?!"

"So, I hear that you were invited to Nantucket with us. Please explain to me how you got yourself out of that, I would love to take notes." The two women are walking arm in arm through midtown Manhattan, Lorelai's free arm filled with shopping bags and a hot coffee and Rory's in the pocket of her oversized jacket.

"Nothing special. I just said I can't go."

"No. That's not possible. Do you know how many times she's made me attend events while sick? And I'm not talking a small cold, I'm talking Ferris Bueller style 'headache, fever, and a chill'. No way you didn't have an irrefutable excuse. You're holding out on me, Gilmore."

"I swear! She asked me if I would be coming, and I said I can't make it. And she said that's a shame because she misses me. And that was that. Also, Ferris Bueller wasn't really sick."

"What did you do right, oh mighty Rory, to become the devil's favorite?"

"Well, I don't refer to her as the devil for one."

"Is it because you don't want to tell her about- "

"It's just not a good time for me to go. I've been working on the book, but I still need to get a job. I can't go away for two weeks."

"But it's Christmas honey. What are you going to do? Spend it alone in your apartment?"

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"It's not bad, it's just strange. You love Christmas. You love Emily. And traveling. And you could come just for a few days, you don't have to stay the whole time."

"I'll be there next year. Promise."

"Are you staying so you can spend Christmas with Jess? Are you two that serious?"

"Mom," Rory huffs, "it's my first Christmas with my own place. I just want to spend it here."

"Okay, okay. Anyway, Luke mentioned that Liz asked Jess to come for the holidays. He's going to offer to let him stay at our house or in the apartment, so he doesn't have to sleep in the loony bin."

Rory only replies with, "Oh." She realizes that she had imagined Jess would be around, so she wouldn't truly be alone for Christmas and New Years. That selfish thing is rearing its ugly head again.

"Okay, we are here!" Lorelai sing songs and stops on the sidewalk.

"Here? Where is here?" She looks up at the iconic blue and shiny platinum decor, "Tiffany's? But we don't have croissants or pizza."

Lorelai smiles wide, "Nope. But we do have a mother who wants to treat her daughter to something special for Christmas. Come on let's go inside."

"What? Mom, I don't need anything from Tiffany's."

"Sometimes I really question if you're my daughter," she mumbles, pushing Rory towards the entrance, "Humor me, kid. This is your last Christmas where it will be all about you, and you deserve something luxurious. And preferably shiny, sparkly, and expensive enough that Luke will have heart palpitations next time my credit card bill comes in the mail! So, I was thinking either we should get something with your birthstone, or we could get a necklace or bracelet that you can add charms to. And then when the little one comes, we can add something to it for them."

Rory gulps, and stops walking just as they enter the store, "Mom this is really too much."

"Honey, I want to do this for you. Please. Pick something out!"

She shakes her head, "I'm not comfortable with you doing this for me. It's too much."

"Rory, honestly, you're starting to offend me here," Lorelai puts a hand on her chest, and gives Rory a look of confusion and disbelief.

Rory gets the awful feeling like she's going to cry, and she suddenly bursts out, "I don't feel good."

"Oh babe," Lorelai places her hands on Rory's arms and her look quickly switches to concerned, "you're nauseous? I saw a cafe nearby, let's go there first. Get you some water and a snack, okay?"

Rory nods, and even though it's not for the reason Lorelai thinks, she actually does feel nauseous and that at least makes her feel slightly better about twisting the truth.

"Better?" Lorelai asks with a soft smile as Rory finishes a bottle of water, a half-finished fruit cup in front of her.

"Not really…I'm sorry mom, can we do this another day?"

Lorelai slumps back in her chair, "Really? You feel badly enough that you can't look at pretty jewelry? I don't think I ever felt that nauseous when I was pregnant."

Rory averts Lorelai's eye contact, "I want to go home and lay down if that's okay."

"Rory…are you sure? I'm going away for two weeks, I won't see you for Christmas or New Years. I really wanted to do this with you today."

Guilt floods her, making her stomach hurt more and her head heavy, dizzy and thick with impending emotion. She's letting down two of the most important people in her life in one day, and it's all a result of her thinking she can protect them from herself. She created walls and compartmentalized the different parts of her life into impenetrable boxes. She's finally realizing in this challenging moment that they don't want to be separated, they want to be together, and things could be better maybe if she let them mix. But she is paralyzed by the feeling that it's too late to do that now; it's all going to end disastrously no matter what.

She desperately tries to keep her tears contained, and with a strained voice she says, "Please. I want to go home. I'm sorry. Thank you for doing all of this today, but…I want to rest."

Lorelai searches her daughter's face and recognizes some sort of pain and restraint that she's not going to be able to get past right now.

She nods resignedly, "Okay. Let's get you home then."

She wakes up with a start sometime later and finds herself in her apartment bed. She looks towards the windows to see it's still sunny outside, she didn't nap for too long. She yawns and gets out from under the covers, slowly she walks out of her room and towards the kitchen for a cup of coffee, staring down at the floor while thoughts of the day run through her mind.

"Good afternoon, Aurora."

Rory jumps, startled by another voice in her apartment, "Mom? You're still here? I thought you would be home by now."

"Oh, you thought I was going to leave my pregnant daughter who isn't feeling well all alone? Do you think that poorly of me as a mother?"

"Of course not!" Rory insists, walking into the kitchen and pouring herself a cup from the hot pot of coffee.

"Really? You must think something terrible about me because you seem to feel the need to keep information from me."

Rory looks up and sees her mother's face looking stern and afflicted.

"What are you talking about?" She asks cautiously, knowing at this point it could be any number of things. Lorelai grabs Rory's phone from its facedown position on the counter and hands it to her. She sees an alert for five missed calls from Logan.

"Why didn't you tell me you two are talking? Did you tell him? Is he harassing you? Is he trying to leave his wife for you? What is going on Rory?!" Lorelai's voice picks up speed towards the end and practically ends in a shout.

Rory winces, "Nothing is going on mom."

Lorelai scoffs, "You are lying to me Rory. Why are you lying?!"

"I'm not lying! Nothing is going on. Everything is fine. Don't worry about me."

Lorelai huffs and slams her coffee cup down on the counter.

"You're pushing me out! Why? Is it because you want to be like me? I had no choice, Rory! It wasn't like it is between you and me. I had to be alone!"

Rory doesn't respond with words, she just shakes her head dismissively.

"I know what you're trying to do. You don't have to do everything alone, Rory! You got the wrong message. The way I raised you wasn't to glorify my independence, it was to put you first above everything, to do everything that's best for you so that we can have a great relationship and I can be there for you like Emily wasn't for me! You tell me at my wedding that you're pregnant and it's over a month later and you haven't brought it up again. And every time I bring it up, you change the subject. Is it because you are trying to be independent like me? Or is it because you just don't want to face the repercussions of sleeping with an unavailable man? And I can tell you have a thing with Jess, and you have hardly mentioned even your friendship with him at all. I'm not stupid Rory, you live a hop, skip and a jump away from the guy! I know you're spending time together, but you won't tell me anything! I can only imagine that's either because you think I'm going to say, 'what the hell are you thinking' or because, once again, you're playing ignorant to your own feelings for him!"

"Mom," Rory's voice chokes up, "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Then tell me Rory!"

She shakes her head, "Please. Let all this go. Please."

"You are clearly going through something, I can't let this go! You may be an adult, but you're still my daughter."

Rory shakes her head and wipes under her eyes. She deflects, "I hope that you have a nice time in Nantucket for the holidays. I'm sure you need to be going, aren't you leaving early tomorrow morning? And knowing you, I'm sure you haven't started packing yet."

Visibly disheartened, Lorelai says quietly, "Rory…don't push me out."

"I'm not," Rory weakly insists, "I love you. I will see you when you get back. I'll come to Stars Hollow."

Lorelai sits silently for a few minutes, and ultimately accepts defeat. She stands up and pulls Rory into her arms.

"Whatever is happening, please talk to me when you're ready."

Rory doesn't speak, but graciously accepts her hug by returning the tight embrace.

"Drive safe."

Lorelai gives Rory one last forlorn look before walking out the front door. Rory hangs her head but can't seem to release her feelings. She flicks a hair tie on her wrist instead, trying to calm herself with some other sensation than the surgent emotions aching in her head.

She wakes up the next day feeling enraged with herself. She forces herself to make a difficult phone call, and when that person doesn't answer, she writes an email. Then, she shuts her phone off completely and isolates herself for the following three days. She has been glued to her bed watching old movies since then, only allowing herself to leave the room to shower, eat, or go to the bathroom. She's convinced herself that this is the best way to avoid hurting the people she cares about any more. She wants to just let them enjoy the holidays without her nonsense, without her unspoken issues weighing down every conversation they have with her. She knows she messed up with Jess, and that's exactly what she had been afraid of since they started spending time together. So she's running, without actually going anywhere. A skill that she never wanted to learn, but somehow has.

On day four of her self-imposed imprisonment, she wakes to a banging on her door. She is startled by the volume of it.

"Rory! I'm coming in!"

She realizes he is at her bedroom door and not her front door, and she remembers she gave him a key to her apartment. She shouldn't be surprised he used it. Within seconds the door slowly creeps open, as if Jess was frightened to find what lays behind it. When he sees her, curled up in her bed and surrounded by DVDs and snacks, he visibly relaxes. This quickly flickers to vexation; she's okay, time to find out what the hell her problem is.

"Why did you bother knocking if you were going to come in?" she feebly remarks, arms popping out from under her blanket to fold across her chest in baseless indignation.

"What the fuck, Rory?" he booms, walking towards her. She shrinks back but doesn't respond.

"I have been calling you since Monday. Your phone has gone straight to voicemail every time."

"It was turned off."

He scoffs, "Why? Why would you turn your phone off? You live alone, people need to be able to reach you Rory!"

"I shut it off! I wanted to be by myself."

"Jesus Christ, how selfish can you be?" he shouts, pulling off his coat and throwing it on a chair. She reads his body language easily: he's gearing up for a fight.

"It's not selfish! I wanted you, and my mom, and anyone else that I have disappointed, to just enjoy their holidays without me! You guys don't deserve my crap."

Jess rolls his eyes and steps closer to her, "Stop the self-contempt and drop your sacrificial bullshit. When are you going to acknowledge that running and hiding, and not to mention holding back the truth, from the people who care about you is not the answer?"

"That's rich coming from you!" she exclaims, jumping out of her bed to mirror his fighting stance. His face betrays hurt for a moment but is quickly masked with bitterness.

"I did acknowledge it, that's the fucking difference. That's why instead of avoiding you, after you tried to stuff me in a freaking closet like an old toy, I called you to deal with it. Just like I said I would, another thing that I learned to do since we were teenagers if you haven't noticed! I've changed, you seem to have convinced my hardest critic, Lorelai, of that so why are you dredging up my old mistakes?"

The fight in Rory's voice falters, "My mom? What did she say?"

"Yes, your mother. She called me. She couldn't get a hold of you either and she said you two left on a bad note on Sunday. I was already on my way over here to make sure you weren't bleeding out or kidnapped when she called. She was actually relieved that I have a key to your place, if you can believe it."

"But she's on vacation in Nantucket. Why would she be trying to get a hold of me?"

Jess heaves a frustrated sigh, "Are you in full denial that people care about you?! Or are you hoping that if you push them away enough they will just leave you alone to punish yourself?"

She crosses her arms over her chest and bites at the inside of her cheek.

"Nobody is going to let you disappear on us. And it's screwed up that you would try that."

"You don't understand Jess."

"I do, I do understand," he shouts, leaning closer to her, "you wanted to deal with it alone since the miscarriage. You have kept secrets and weaved a web that even you can't find your way out of, not that you're trying."

"I am trying!"

"No, you're not. Don't try and bullshit me. And at this point Rory, your silence is a big 'fuck you' to everyone that cares about you. Everyone who wants to be there for you. You keep letting yourself slip into what's comfortable and easy. Like ignoring a life changing fact so you don't have to talk about it. Like avoiding my advice about work so you don't have to talk to him. Instead, just dipping into your trust fund to make ends meet. Like having sex with me and instead of acknowledging or discussing your feelings, you just keep saying you're not ready. How can you ever be ready if you don't deal with all this shit Rory?"

"Jess, within the span of two months I was suddenly pregnant, by a man that I had a fucking affair with, and then not. It isn't that easy! You don't understand!"

"I didn't say it was easy," Jess responds, voice gentler than before, "I know it's not easy and I will never understand what that feels like. And I'm sorry it happened to you Rory, you have to know that I am deeply sorry, and that I care. You know that, right? I hope I've made that pretty clear."

Rory reluctantly nods.

"The issue isn't that you're not getting over the trauma fast enough," he tries to explain, "it's that you're not taking steps to work through it and hurting other people in the process. Just like when you dropped out of Yale."

That ignites the fire within her, and they're off to the races once again.

"Who am I hurting? I'm purposely not hurting anyone, that's the whole point of me keeping to myself!"

"Please stop pretending you can't see past your own denial! You're hurting yourself. You're hurting your mom, you're hurting Luke. They think you're three months pregnant Rory, they have something to lose here too! Not to mention Luke called me to discuss my role in your child's life the other day! You've gotten me fully entangled in your deception now. You're forcing me to keep up this charade with you, I had to lie to Luke! The only person besides you that has cared about me even when I was an idiot and a jerk. You're hurting me. You're being selfish and destructive. Why are you ignoring that and letting yourself have an eternal pity party?!" Jess bellows, mouth fixed in a scowl and words firing out like cannon balls, half his body leaning into Rory so he doesn't miss any shots.

She doesn't respond, but her body is heated all over as she regards him with big eyes. He surveys her too, taking in her antsy limbs and bright red face. Before he can translate her body language, she suddenly rushes at him, kissing him hard on the mouth. He's shocked, and it takes him a moment to catch up but he kisses her back with double the force.

He pulls away to ask, "Are you a sexual masochist or something? Why do you get so turned on when I yell at you?"

She covers his mouth with hers again and mumbles into their kiss, "It makes me feel special."

Jess grunts with annoyance.

"When are you going to get it through your pretty little head that you are special to me?" he growls, grabbing her hair at the back of her head and pulling it back to look her in the eye. She whimpers and bites her lip in response.

"Can you finish yelling at me later?"

His eyes grow dark at her gravely tone and puckered pink lips. He leans in and bites her neck briskly, then ghosts his lips across her jaw and face to reach her ear.

"I'm not going to make this easy for you."

She shivers in his arms. He moves away from her, and she protests at the loss. He turns to take a condom out of her drawer, then grabs her hand and pulls her out of the bedroom to her kitchen. She's too hazy in the head to question anything and follows his lead as he pulls out a bottle of vodka from her freezer. He opens it and takes a swig, then pours some into a nearby empty coffee cup. He turns back to her and places a hand on her face. He runs his fingers down her blushing skin, pulls at her bottom lip and sticks his thumb in her mouth to open it. She feels like she's being engulfed by flames as he leans forward and teasingly runs his tongue across her lips, then pushes it gently in her mouth to dance along her teeth and tongue. It's a small torture that she can't move her lips to properly connect with his mouth. He pulls his face away and picks up the coffee cup. He uses the hand that's holding her mouth open to tilt her head back and brings the cup to her lips. He slowly pours the vodka down her throat, staring at her neck as she swallows. She sputters and coughs, pulling away from his hands. He puts the cup on the counter and pulls her into his arms.

"Good girl." He murmurs into her hair.

"Jess," she moans in response, the anticipation in the air palpable. He pushes his hands against her shoulders, holding her out in front of him. He moves his right hand to her throat and lightly pulls her face to him.

Suddenly he switches from his careful, calculated movements and kisses her roughly. His hands move to her hips, and he pulls at her pants. She gladly helps him remove them and her shirt. She was in pajamas and she's not wearing anything underneath. He smiles smugly at her naked body before him and trails a hand from her thigh up to her chest. He then turns her around and bends her over the kitchen counter. Normally it turns him on to watch her lovely face as he thoroughly pleasures her. But in addition to being turned on right now, he's frustrated with her and her purposeful ignorance towards significant issues. He doesn't want to watch her innocent looking face today. He gently runs his hands down her back, ass and legs. She moans quietly, he takes off his pants and underwear to release his hard on, then surprises her by giving her ass a slap. She gasps but follows it with a moan. Okay, he thinks, I can be a little rough with her today. He grabs her ass with one hand and squeezes hard, while he finds her center with three fingers and pushes them inside her. She gasps again and he has a fleeting thought about their future, I hope she lets me surprise her forever. He strokes his fingers within her, then thrusts them in and out. He increases his grip on her ass; he's going to leave fingerprint shaped bruises. That thought makes him squeeze even harder. She's whimpering and gyrates her hips toward his hand, looking for more friction. He smirks and leans over her back to get closer to her head. He moves his fingers towards her clit and teasingly runs them in feathery circles just over the hood.

"This what you're looking for?" He whispers and she moans a "please Jess." He kisses behind her ear, then down her back but doesn't increase the pressure of his fingers. He stands back up and removes his hands all together. She whines at the loss of contact. He pulls at her arms to get her to stand up again and spins her around to face him. He hands her the condom.

"Get on your knees and put this on me, baby." The slickness between her legs increases at his command. She drops down and tears it open, pulling the condom out of the package. She looks up at him and meets his dark, cloudy eyes as she kisses him at the tip of his dick. When he groans in response, she opens her mouth and takes more of him. He moans but grabs her by the hair and pulls her gently off him. He leans down and kisses her on the head.

"You know I love this mouth," he mutters as he runs his fingers over it, "but I'm in charge today. Put the condom on so I can be inside you." She does as she's told, while biting down hard on her bottom lip. Once it's on, he pulls her up from the floor and spins her around again, swiftly bending her back over the counter. He slaps her ass again, then places a hand on her left hip and slowly enters her. At the same time, he brings his other hand back to her throbbing center and continues his previous slow stroking. The noises coming out of her are desperate, garbled whines. As badly as he wants to speed this up, he wants to drive her crazy even more than that. And he wants to force her to ask him for what she wants. He's tired of trying to decipher it for her; she knows what she wants and needs, it's time for her to go after it herself. He continues to tease her with slow thrusts and light touches near her clit. She has goosebumps all over her body. It's agonizing, and she knows exactly what he is doing but she thinks she can hold out until he breaks. Even though this sex is clearly some form of mindfucking, she is completely aroused and pulsating to a wild beat between her legs. She didn't know she was into this sort of rough, teasing stuff. But then again, it's Jess; he can always bring things out of her that she didn't know were there.

His hand moves from her hip up her back and he grip her at the base of her neck. She whimpers, arching her back and pushing her hips to meet his. The sight of her body in this position is almost enough for him to wave the white flag, but he stays strong. She wiggles her ass and her hips, he smirks.

"What do you want baby? Tell me what you want." He demands, voice thick with desire.

"You. I want you, Jess." She croaks and writhes under him.

"Rory." His gruff voice trembles, "tell me what you want from me right now."

"Jess," she moans, and he skillfully moves his hand from her clit to smack her ass. She yelps.

"Tell me. I can't do it unless you tell me."

She groans and huffs, she's getting frustrated. Her right hand moves from the counter top to between her legs. He deftly grabs it before she can reach herself and she whimpers.

"Please Jess."

"Not until you tell me what you want."

"Ugh!" She groans in frustration, "I want you to fuck me. I want to feel all of you."

He bites his lip and releases her hand, he tenderly brushes his fingers through her hair and then runs them down her throat and neck. It's killing him, all blood has flown to his dick and it's aching to tear into her. But he knows he can elicit a little more from her if he is patient. He pushes himself as far as he can into her, filling her up and making her groan, and then he just stays there, petting her neck, back and shoulders with tantalizing touches.

"That's all of me, baby. That what you wanted?"

She heaves an aggravated grunt and slams her fist on the counter. Her hips are shifting and shaking, and she finally explodes,

"Fuck me hard, Jess, please! Just fuck me already!"

He grins and leans over to whisper in her ear, "as you wish." And suddenly one hand is gripping her hip, the other back at the base of her neck and he is thrusting roughly in and out of her. Their bodies clap a pleasurable and fast tune as they meet each other which each thrust. She is gasping and moaning, and squirming against him. The buildup was so much he knows he will come soon and even though he wanted to tease the fuck out of her, he still wants her to finish with him.

"Touch yourself, baby. Come on." She fumbles but gets her hand between her legs and starts rubbing herself. He moans, "Fuck yes. You're so sexy Rory." She rubs faster, and he thrusts harder into her. She's groaning so loud there is no doubt her neighbors can hear what they are up to. The hand on her hip grips harder on to her and he quickens his pace.

"I'm gonna come, come with me baby. Please, come on." He moves his hand from her neck to reach under and grab her right breast, he squeezes and flicks her nipple a few times. It has the desired effect as she gasps a "fuck!" And starts convulsing against him. He brings both hands to her hips and pushes deep inside her, her tremors finish him, and he leans forward with one last throaty groan against her neck.

"Jesus Christ." Rory mumbles a few minutes later. Jess still laying against her back, her right hand trapped between the counter and her hips. The frustration that started it all seems to have left him. He kisses the nape of her neck softly and asks, "are you okay?"

"Yes. Are you? Seemed like you were taking something out on me."

He grimaces and stands up, pulling out of her and quickly cleaning up. She stands and leans back against the counter.

"I'm sorry, god I didn't mean for it to feel that way. I didn't want to hurt you or anything," his voice sounds ashamed and slightly scared. She places a hand on his chest and languidly traces his muscles.

"Jess. It was really hot," she grins, and she feels his muscles relax under her hand, a small smile on his face.

"And you were frustrated with me," she continues and whispers, "I'm frustrated with me too." He picks his shirt up off the floor and offers it to her, then puts his underwear on and leads her to the couch.

"I'm relieved to hear that. Means that you at least understand you could be handling things better."

"Of course I know that. I just thought…I wanted to protect you all from me. I don't want my mom and Luke to have to grieve. I don't want to put you in difficult situations."

"Rory," Jess says sternly, making her look him in the eyes, "Stop 'protecting' us from you, especially when what you're actually doing is protecting yourself from us and the possibility of feeling good again."

She sinks into herself and wraps her arms across her middle.

"It's time to be honest with yourself and everyone else, don't you think?" He asks gently.

"I am honest with you. I tell you everything. You're the only person I'm completely honest with!"

"But you're not completely honest with me, are you? I am putting my heart, my mind, on the line by being this secret person to you. I'm doing all these relationship type things with you, without acknowledgement. I want your mom to know that I've been here for you in the ways that I have, I want Luke to know. I even want your freaking grandmother to know. I want everyone to know that I care about you, and you care about me, and that we are capable of having this beautiful, intimate relationship where we communicate with each other and support each other. Where I am doing everything that I wish I had done when we were teenagers. Most of all, I want you to acknowledge it and not take it for granted. Tell me that you appreciate it, tell me that you want it all the time forever, tell me finally that you agree we are meant to be together."

Rory gulps in trepidation at the weight of his words.

"I don't want to tell you how I feel about you if there's a chance I can't measure up to what we could be."

"You're letting fear hold you back. That's what I'm hearing. You were afraid of your feelings for me when we were teenagers too."

"And look how that turned out."

Jess eyes her with a hint of hurt, "It brought us here, Rory. No matter what happened in the past, it brought us here now."

Rory looks up at him and sees the anguish in his eyes. Her shell suddenly cracks and her heart lights up for him. She leans over and wraps her arms around him firmly.

"Oh, Jess. I'm such an idiot. You mean so much to me."

He takes in a trembling breath and squeezes her in return.

"You know what you mean to me," he responds quietly. She moves her face from his shoulder to kiss him passionately. He holds her face with care as he fervently returns her kiss.

They break apart and smile lovingly at each other, he takes her small hands in his and rests them together on his lap.

"Are you going to Stars Hollow for Christmas?"

He nods, "Planning on leaving tonight actually."

"Really? I'm surprised you're that eager to go there."

"Yeah," Jess looks away from her face and focuses on their entwined hands, "Luke didn't just call me to assess my ability to be a stepfather the other day. Said some other things." Rory's heart clenches at his words and she comfortingly runs a nail along his palm.

"I'm sorry to put you in that position Jess, I really am. I'm going to tell them everything."

He shrugs, "it's okay. It was a valid concern given the assumed circumstances," he looks up to meet her eyes again. "You know that none of this would be different if you were still pregnant." It's not a question, it's a pertinent fact that he wants acknowledged.

"I know. I know you wouldn't run. We both know now that I would most likely be the one to do that."

"You're done running now though." Again, it's not a question.

"I'm done running," she confirms earnestly. He leans in to kiss her softly.

"Good."

"Can I go with you?" Jess turns his head to the side, perplexed.

"To Stars Hollow. I'll stay there until mom and Luke get back from Nantucket."

His smile grows wide, "There's my Rory. I knew she was in there."

She matches his smile, "Sometimes only you can bring her out."

"And that makes me feel special. Not getting yelled at, Miss Anastasia Steele."

Rory gapes, "No chance you read those books!"

"No way. Cheap tropes and a romanticized introduction to BDSM, not for me. But I don't need to read the books to know what they're all about."

Rory laughs, "obviously. Well, I don't know much about all that, but I know that you're hot when you're mad. And when it's directed at me, I don't know what happens, I just want to rip all my clothes off and let you have your way."

Jess shakes his head with a chuckle, "Curious woman."

"I'll always keep you on your toes," she winks and kisses him, "so, I need to pack. When do you want to leave? I can drive us."

He shrugs, "Doesn't matter. Get packed up, I'll take you out for lunch and then we can pick my stuff up and hit the road."

"Food! You do know the way to my heart. I'll be in my room!" She gets up and walks away.

"I'm going to take a shower. Want to join me?" he calls after her.

"Nice try! We'll never leave and I'm starving."

"Was worth a shot…"