this one was dying to get out of my head..

enjoy xoxo

disclaimer: I own nothing

After packing and lunch, they get in Rory's car to get Jess's stuff from Brooklyn. As they sit in traffic, something occurs to her.

"What else did Luke say?" she glances over to the passenger seat for a moment. Jess's movements turn anxious, he runs a hand through his hair and looks out the window.

"He um wants me to keep an eye on Liz."

"I'm just the luckiest nephew in the world getting so many calls from my uncle lately."

Luke grunts on the line, "A hello would have sufficed."

"Hello."

Luke sighs, "Okay. Look. I'm going to just get right into this."

"That's different. Do continue."

"Lorelai visited Rory today."

"Uh huh."

"Said she saw you leaving her apartment. At nine o clock in the morning."

"Uh huh."

"I think it's safe to assume you spent the night there."

"You know what they say about assuming, Uncle Luke."

"Anyway, Rory also told me before she moved that she uh. How did she put it? She's been 'nothing but honest' with you."

Jess scoffs quietly but doesn't respond. The feelings from their interaction this morning still raw.

"And Lorelai mentioned that Rory told her that…you know everything."

"Uh huh."

"So, you know about…"

Jess thinks for a moment about how much fun he could have with this line of conversation, but the heaviness of the actual situation, that Luke knows nothing about, effectively crushes any ideas. But he doesn't know how to respond without holding back Rory's truth, and he doesn't want to betray either of them. He waits with apprehension for Luke to continue the conversation.

"Jess, please don't make me say it because if I say it and you didn't know, then that's going to be a whole domino effect. I will have to tell Lorelai, then she'll give Rory a hard time and that will be a whole thing, and then whatever is going on between you and Rory is going to become screwed up. So please, I'm begging you, spare me the trouble."

"Well, since you're begging," Jess concedes, "Luke…it's okay. I know she is..." he stops himself, calculating a way to not lie and also not backstab the woman he cares about, "I uh, I know about the baby."

Luke lets out a deep sigh, "Thank god. So, you weren't running away this morning because she's pregnant with Logan's child?"

Jess rolls his eyes, "Do you really think that little of me?"

"Hey, I'm not saying I would blame you. It's…a messed-up situation."

"I'm not running away from her."

"Okay. You sure? Because you matter too Jess. If you're not comfortable with her situation, it's not going to get any easier once she…you know."

"You can't say the words 'gives birth'?"

"Aw jeez, it's Rory! It's a little uncomfortable to think about. And so was finding her clothes in my dryer after Thanksgiving, by the way."

"Don't be such a prude, Uncle Luke."

"Shut up," Luke grumbles, "But anyway, if you're okay with her situation, and you're not running away…what's your plan?"

"Instead of running away I thought I would take it in the opposite direction and get all Leave it to Beaver with her. You know, get married, move to the suburbs, get her pregnant again. Be one big happy family."

"This is serious, Jess! It's not easy raising a kid, especially one that isn't your own. If Logan has any decency, he is going to be in Rory's and this child's life. Do you understand what you're getting into?"

Jess sighs heavily, aggravated at this line of questioning, aggravated that Rory hasn't told him and Lorelai yet. He is now part of her messed up front that he has been trying so hard to break down. But…he realizes this would be an opportunity to show Luke how much he cares about her. And then when all of this works out, which he is confident that it will, there are no questions about his ability to be a good partner to her.

"Luke, you've taught me everything I know about being a respectable person, a respectable man to the woman I care about. And you helped raise Rory, even with her dad in the picture sometimes. You helped me grow up. I know what to do Luke. You don't have to have this conversation with me."

He's silent for a moment. "Well, I'm glad that you are still your old self in one way. Stubborn as all hell."

"It's a Danes trait I can't kick."

"Good. Speaking of being a Danes, I didn't just call to talk about Rory. I know your mom invited you for the holidays. Are you coming?"

"Doula wants me to come so yes."

"Okay, I have to go to Nantucket with Lorelai to celebrate the holidays with Emily - god help me - so I won't be around. You can stay at our house, or above the diner if you want."

"Great, and which rooms did you consummate your marriage in?"

"Christ, sleep in Rory's old room. Bed is still in there."

"I can stay above the diner."

"Fine, whatever. Anyway, listen, I know this is going to be hard to hear but…I think your mom is drinking again."

"I know she drinks."

"No, not like a beer here and a glass of wine there. Did you see her at Thanksgiving Jess?"

The hairs on his arms stand up, "What do you mean? I did see her. But I spent most of my time with Rory."

"She was more drunk than I've seen her in a long time. I didn't have to carry her out or anything, but she was stumbling and mumbling."

Jess sits straight up, "Have you seen her drunk since then?"

"Well, not exactly. But she has been dropping Doula off to hang out at the diner a lot more often than she used to. And the last couple of times, I swear I smelled alcohol on her. When I asked her about it, she just laughed it off."

"Luke, if anything happens to Doula -"

"I know, Jess. I know. I've been keeping an eye on her as much as I can. But you will be spending a decent amount of time with them, and at their house. So maybe, look around and see if we have anything to worry about. Try to see what she does when you walk away, know what I mean?"

Jess sighs and puts his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry to ask you to do this Jess. I know what you've been through with her, and I'm sorry I didn't step in to stop it. I don't want to make that mistake with Doula too."

Jess gulps and closes his eyes.

"I'll let you know what I find out."

Rory's heart sinks at the disquiet in his voice, "Did something happen?"

He half shrugs, "I don't know. Luke says she drank a lot at Thanksgiving, I was too focused on you to notice so I have no idea what 'a lot' means to Luke."

"Oh Jess. But Thanksgiving is a holiday at least, that makes it a little more understandable right?"

"It wasn't just Thanksgiving. He also said that she's been dropping Doula off to hang out at the diner more frequently, and at least a couple of times she smelled like alcohol."

"Is Doula okay?"

"I don't think Luke would let her return to Liz's house if he didn't think so. Then again, my mother was good at hiding it from him when I was little."

Rory takes a hand off of the steering wheel and places it on his knee with a squeeze.

"I'm sorry for being so selfish. I've been monopolizing your time and energy, not even asking about you and your life."

"Hey, nothing was happening in my life besides you until that phone call. No need to feel guilty."

"I'm here for you Jess, if you need anything."

He clutches her hand on his knee, "I know."

"So, ready to turn that phone back on? Don't think I didn't notice it's still off," he smirks, "and I assume you don't have the driving directions to Stars Hollow memorized yet." They just left his apartment in Brooklyn. She looks at him and releases a nervous breath.

"I know how to get to the highway. I can figure it out."

"Rory," Jess admonishes her, "You said no more running or hiding."

"I know, I know. It's just…"

"What?"

She inhales deeply, "Before I shut my phone off, I called Logan. He didn't answer so I sent him an email too before I had time to chicken out so I'm sure he has tried to contact me. I'm nervous."

Jess gives an understanding nod, "What did you say to him?"

"I just said sorry for ignoring his calls and that I'm ready to talk now. And that…I could use his help with something if he doesn't mind."

She sees Jess's face go from surprised to gratified in the corner of her eye.

"Let me turn the phone on. I want to see what he has to say. And if it's not up to my expectations, I want to talk to him."

"Jess!" she turns her face briefly from the road to give him an incredulous look.

"What? We have a two hour drive ahead of us. Great time to take a phone call."

"Sorry, you want to listen to me talk to Logan?"

Jess shrugs, "I might chime in. Verbal thing comes and goes you know."

"Are you sure you're not a masochist?"

"Why? Are you planning on flirting? If it's to get a job you love, I fully support it. And I definitely want to bear witness to it. It makes no difference to me, I know he's not going to steal you away from me at this point," he smirks at her, annoyingly so.

Rory rolls her eyes, "You are crazy."

"I'm turning on the phone."

She gnaws at her lip for a minute before saying, "Fine. But I'm pretending you're not here if he calls or he's going to hang up."

Her phone chimes consistently for five minutes straight with alerts from the past four days. It gives her a gnawing, guilty feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Let's see…" Jess says as he goes through her call list, "wow Logan and your mom are head-to-head in number of missed calls. She beat him by three." She's not sure if he's trying to make her laugh, but she can't. She just feels horrible. Her phone goes off and the screen in her car shows it's her mom. She quickly clicks to answer, "Mom I'm so sorry."

"The prodigal daughter lives! Great now I can kill you for making me worry for the last four days. I haven't been able to sleep since we got here. Luke has had to talk me out of driving to your apartment so many times that he has hidden all car keys from me in my mother's bedroom because he knows I won't go in there."

"I'm really sorry. I'm okay." She replies sincerely, voice quiet with remorse.

"What the hell happened Rory? Did you lose your phone so deep in the couch you couldn't reach? Fell down a rabbit hole and had to go on psychedelic adventures? I don't know how many times I have to say this to you, but even though you're thirty-two you're still my daughter! You're pregnant and you live all alone, I need to be able to reach you. I thought something happened to you, thank god Jess has a key to your apartment, and strike that from the list of things I thought I'd never say!"

"I just wanted time to myself. It was dumb. I'm sorry."

"What is going on? You moved away from home to do things on your own, how much more time to yourself do you need?"

"Mom…I'm doing my best." Her voice sounds on the brink of tears, and Jess places a comforting hand on her leg. She rubs it briefly to show her gratitude.

"Honey…" Lorelai is calmer now, "I know you are. And I know it's a struggle, but you will figure everything out. And I can help if you'll let me. That's all I want to do, you know. I just want to be there for my daughter."

"I know. I'll be in Stars Hollow when you get back. We will talk, I promise."

She hears Lorelai sigh in relief, "That sounds great babe. Are you going with Jess?"

"Yes, we're on the way now."

"I can't believe how happy it makes me to hear that. Have fun together, okay? No fighting like you did Sunday, yes, I see and hear all like the great and powerful Oz. You both need each other right now."

Rory meets Jess's eyes briefly, "I know. I'll see you after New Years."

"And you'll talk to me tomorrow?"

"Yes. Phone will be on."

"Great. Now, I would greatly appreciate it if you keep your sexcapades to your old bedroom only. And I hope you brought your own protection because me and Luke don't use any so you would have to run to the store in the heat of the moment, and who wants to do that?"

"Mom! Oh my god!" Rory's face turns scarlet, and Jess can't help the laugh that escapes him.

"What? We've both been tested, and we're married. We don't need condoms."

"I wish that was the most cringeworthy part of this conversation!"

"Oh, I see, you're embarrassed about having sex with Jess. I understand."

Jess rolls his eyes, "You're on speakerphone Lorelai."

"I know, Jess," they can hear the complacent smile on her face.

"Okay, I'm ending this call now. Bye, mom."

"Bye sweets, love you!"

When she hangs up the phone, her face quickly switches from embarrassment to regret.

"You okay?" Jess asks gently. She nods.

"I'm okay. I feel like a complete jerk, but I'm okay."

"I know how that feels. It will get better."

Rory shrugs in response, unwilling to accept that fact yet.

"At least it doesn't sound like your mother wants to murder me for sleeping with you."

"She doesn't even know we've done it! She's just trying to get a rise out of us. Well, me, I guess. You seem unbothered."

"Your mom knows you as well as I do. She knows we're seeing each other, and she definitely knows we're having sex. That's part of the reason why what happened the other morning upset me. You didn't even want to give her a chance to be happy for," he gestures between them, trying to think of the right thing to say, "…us."

Rory bites her lip and looks slightly dejected.

"I really am a jerk."

"No, sorry. That's not what I was trying to say," he turns in his seat to look at her. She can't turn away from the road, but she feels his intense gaze on her. Then his fingers brushing through her hair, putting pieces of it behind her ear with care.

"Just want you to see that there's nothing to be afraid of. Not us, not your mom, nothing."

She turns to catch his eyes for a quick moment before turning them back to the road. She nods and her shoulders relax.

"You're right."

His lips quirk up on one side at her admission.

"So, ready for difficult phone call number two?"

Rory swallows and as if his ears were ringing, her phone goes off with a call from Logan. Her eyes grow in fright and nervousness.

Jess puts his hand on her leg and he grips it, "you can do it."

She lets it ring for another few moments before nodding and clicking answer.

"Hi Logan."

"Ace," he responds, and she catches Jess's inquisitive look next to her, "are you okay? You finally called and emailed me that you're ready to talk and then your phone seems to be dead for four days. Am I that scary?"

"Sorry. Something came up."

"Right. Can I assume that you know what I was calling about by your attempt to avoid me?"

"Maybe, what were you calling about?"

He sighs, "Odette's pregnant."

She sucks in a breath, "then yes. I knew. Or I had an idea, my grandmother mentioned she heard it from someone."

"I figured. Like I said, my mother can drink with the best of them, but she just can't help herself share any information that makes her look superior in some way. Even though we told her we want to wait until she's further along to tell people. I'm sorry you found out like that."

She bites her lip and sits silently for a moment, wondering what she should say next.

"It's fine, I knew that was part of the dynastic plan as you put it. Why did you even feel the need to call me about it?"

It comes out more bitter than she intended it, and she feels another squeeze on her leg from Jess.

He scoffs, "Because…I still care about you. I think you still care about me. We've had some form of a relationship at various times over the last twelve years of our lives, that's not nothing. And…it's a sensitive thing, isn't it?"

You don't even know how sensitive, she thinks. She sighs.

"It is sort of sensitive. You're right," she softens and says, "congratulations by the way. How is she?" Jess grips her leg again in support.

"Thank you. She's good, a little nervous. She was having bad nausea for a while, but it seems to be getting better now. The doctor said it's supposed to stop after the first trimester."

Rory's eyebrows furrow at that.

"First trimester? When is she due?"

"Yep, it's just about over. She's due early June."

More alarms go off in Rory's head, "Early June? That feels…soon."

"Yeah. It was an accident. We didn't plan on starting a family so soon. My parents are already forming a plan to tell people the baby was born premature, so no one does the math. Luckily Odette isn't much of a drinker anyway, so it was easy to hide at the wedding. We found out a week or so before."

Rory shudders slightly; her due date was supposed to be around that time too. Jess leans over to hit the mute button and asks if she's okay. She gives him a reassuring nod and he unmutes it.

"It's weird," Logan continues, "All this could have been us."

She feels Jess tense up next to her at his words. Rory immediately goes into combat mode, to protect herself and the man next to her from Logan indulging in his foolish fantasies.

"Don't say that. It's not true," she sternly rebukes.

"Isn't it? I thought it would all be with you."

Rory is visibly aching from this line of thought, her face scrunched up and cheeks red. Jess, though still tense himself, runs his fingers in soothing circles on her leg.

"Logan cut it out, you're going to be a dad! Don't take that so lightly!"

"I'm not taking it lightly; it's actually weighing pretty heavily on me Rory! She got pregnant around the same time we…last saw each other. I feel terrible that I'm always going to remember how I slept with another woman the same week my child was conceived."

Rory feels like she's being stabbed in the stomach, and she has to hold back a whimper. Jess leans over to mute it again and says "Rory are you okay? Do you want to hang up? Do you want me to talk to him? This is fucking unbelievable."

She shakes her head quickly and unmutes it.

"Well, that was your decision, Logan. I was done with our affair, I ended it and you decided to show up and have another night together. You're the one that put your marriage and all that goes with it on the line."

"I know!" He exclaims, "I know it's my fault and I'm going to live with it forever. And when I think about how close the conception was to when we last had sex…thank god you were on birth control."

Rory sits up straight at this and gapes, "Why do you say that? We were protected, we always used protection. Birth control and condoms. Because you were engaged. We didn't take any chances, ever." She speaks quickly, trying to talk herself down from the scary place her mind is taking her.

Logan chuckles humorlessly, "Ace, we didn't use protection that night. I guess you drank more than I realized."

Jess can see her panic building, so he puts his own frustrated feelings to the side and gestures for her to pull over. She is too distracted to notice as she rakes her foggy memory of that night, searching for proof to oppose Logan's words. She has been a lot of things that she doesn't love about herself, but purposefully irresponsible in bed with someone else's husband is not one of them. She goes over the first time they slept together that night in her mind.

Logan opens the door to their room for the night, and she already knows that they are about to do things they shouldn't. She could have asked for her own room or insisted that he take her home. But her mind and body are just fuzzy enough that it all feels like a dream. And if she can't have sex with the attractive man that's been, wrongly, comforting her in her own dreams, where else can she? It's like a moth to a flame as they make their way into the room; they cross the threshold and are immediately pulled to each other. It's wrong, so so wrong. But the lonely ache in her chest, and the pulsing one between her legs propels her into ethical ambiguity. He goes to hit the light switch, but she grabs his hand and moves it to the apex of her legs. She doesn't want the lights on; she doesn't want bright, clear memories of this mistake.

He rubs her where she needs it momentarily, and then starts taking her clothes off. They create a path from the door to the bed until they are nude and pressed up against each other. Logan's soft skin on hers; he's never been a rugged man and that's obvious as his unscathed fingertips work their way down her body.

"I can't wait to be inside you again. It's been too long," Logan whispers in her ear as he moves his hand again between her legs. She sighs at the contact, unable to elicit a more satisfied sound because she's caught up in his words.

"This is the last time, right?" she mumbles against his ear as he sucks at her neck.

"I figured we will be at it all night," he responds, moving his head to look at her face. She can see his eyebrow raised and his ever-fixed smug smirk in the dark. She gulps as he shoves fingers inside of her, surely checking her readiness for him.

"But this is the last night." She says quietly, and it's not a question. She needs confirmation that he isn't going to be tempting her again, because she is clearly not strong enough to turn away the comfort his body offers her. His fingers stop moving in her and his face shows uncertainty, but only for a moment before he's smirking again.

"Right. So we better make the best of it. My goal is five times. What do you think?" he removes his fingers from inside her and starts rubbing her nub. But she's had so much to drink, his touch isn't doing much for her. At least she wants to believe that's the reason, and not because she's preemptively grossed out by what they are about to do.

"I think that's a lofty goal considering how drunk you are," she responds as he places too rough bites on her neck, "and don't be stupid and leave a mark!"

He moves his mouth from her neck to her chest and mutters, "I've never had a problem keeping it up for you before."

She bites her lip, considering his words. Is she really going to allow them to make this mistake multiple times in one night? She groans, frustrated with herself, as she realizes that it's a real possibility. Logan takes her groan as a positive response to his movements and rubs at her harder.

"Well, did you bring enough protection for that?" she asks, and then she does moan as she finally feels something from the pressure of his fingers.

"Don't worry about it," he replies easily, and he pulls away from her to open the side table next to the bed. She guesses he must have come here first before Stars Hollow and stocked the room with whatever they needed. She waits for him to finish putting on a condom, trying to stop overthinking this. It's just one last night, it isn't doing any harm. And if they aren't really in love like Logan says, maybe Odette doesn't really care if he's sleeping with other women. Her rationalizations keep her distracted long enough, and suddenly Logan is pushing himself inside of her. She grunts at the feeling, it almost hurts. She figures she must not be as wet as usual; women's bodies are affected by alcohol too of course. She puts her own hand between them, knowing he's not going to touch her where she needs it again, and starts rubbing herself, hoping to make herself wetter. Logan doesn't seem to notice any issue as he continues thrusting, and while it's uncomfortable, the aggressive, rough sensations are a welcome distraction from her blooming self-loathing.

The three more times they had sex that night were not as painful; her wetness somehow increased despite the alcohol and lack of wild desire. But she doesn't remember much else as the effects of their drinking took over her mind.

"What do you mean we didn't use protection? I know I asked you if you had some and you said, 'don't worry about it'. I trusted that you meant you had it handled, not that you were forgoing it!"

He scoffs in response, "We were drunk Rory, I don't remember what was said but I know we didn't use them. For one thing, Finn is the one that picked them up for me and he never handed them over. There's no way you couldn't tell, even if it was the next morning. We did it more than once."

She remembers she showered in the middle of the night, or rather the early morning, and wonders if maybe she washed away the evidence between her legs without realizing it. And it dawns on her: is that why sex wasn't uncomfortable any of the other times we did it? It wasn't her own slickness, but his unwelcome seed lubricating their movements.

But then she remembers the side table.

"But…but…you had something in the drawer next to the bed. It was dark, but I assumed it was protection. You didn't have the room stocked before we checked in?"

"What? No. I didn't. The first time I went in that room was with you."

"Logan, when I asked you if you had protection, you stepped away from me and opened the fucking drawer. This doesn't make any sense."

"Oh," Logan replies, and she hears realization in his voice, "Oh. Rory, no. I was putting away my watch. Odette had got it for me and…it felt wrong wearing it while we were doing that."

She can't believe what she's hearing. She knows from experience that Logan can be rash, but this is a new level of immature that she didn't realize he was capable of.

"That felt wrong to you but not using condoms when you're about to be married to another woman in weeks time didn't?!" she screeches out, pain erupting from her.

"What is the problem? You've been on birth control for as long as I've known you. And it was our last night together. It was special. Why do you sound so upset?"

Her neck is heating up, anger and frustration coursing through her but it comes out as sadness as she starts to cry. Jess leans over again to mute the call and says steadily, "Rory. Pull over." In a daze, she does as he says and pulls to the side of the highway with her flashers on.

"Rory?" It's Logan's voice now, looking for a response.

She clicks unmute, and asks with audible emotion in her voice, "how could you do that to me?"

"Rory, I didn't lie to you on purpose. I thought it was clear that we weren't using it. Couldn't you feel the difference?"

Jess still has a strong grip on her leg, the other clenching in and out of a tight fist. She can feel his own angry energy building up and she isn't sure what to do. She wants him there for support, but she doesn't want to force him to continue to listen to them hash this out. She looks at him, eyes asking for permission to continue. At her watery bug-eyed look, Jess's fist relaxes, and he mouths the words "tell him".

"You're a reckless idiot Logan." She finally spits out, and Jess flashes a quick, surprised smile.

"What the hell? What is going on?" Logan fires back and then seconds later he groans and asks, "Fuck Rory, don't tell me you're pregnant."

Jess looks over to Rory with concern to see her reaction to his harsh words. Her face is red, forehead set in furious astonishment. Tears are running down her face.

"Not anymore." She finally responds in a strangled whisper.

"Oh Rory. You…got an abortion? Is that what you need help with? You need money?"

Rory slams her first on the steering wheel and grabs her phone from the cup holder. She takes it and switches the call from her car to her phone.

Jess protests as she gets out of the car, "Rory we're on the side of the highway! You can't walk anywhere!"

She gets out anyway and starts pacing next to the car. Jess gets out too but gives her space, standing behind the car and watching traffic to make sure she's safe.

"Who is that?" Logan asks bitterly.

She ignores him, "I didn't get an abortion, Logan. I had a miscarriage!"

Logan exhales, "Wow. So, you were going to keep it? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was waiting until the end of the first trimester, but I was going to tell you. Not that it matters because what the hell would you have done? A pregnant wife and a pregnant side piece, Jesus Logan. This shit could only happen with you."

"Rory…"

"Why Logan? Why did you put me in this position? Yes, I've been on birth control for years, but I switched to a progestin only pill when I turned thirty because my hormones were changing, and I wasn't having much sex. The pill I'm on has to be taken very precisely every day for full birth control effectiveness. And I didn't take it precisely that day or the next day because of the spectacle you created! I trusted you. Why did you do that? Why would you be so incredibly reckless?! Whether or not it was the last time we would sleep together, you were engaged!"

"How was I supposed to know all of that?!"

"You could have fucking asked before you decided to play Russian roulette with my uterus!" She shouts, and it causes Logan to become quiet. Jess turns to look at her briefly at her outburst, his face pained from the side of the conversation that he is hearing. It is taking powerful restraint to keep him from taking the phone from Rory and giving Logan a piece of his mind.

"You're right, Ace. I'm sorry."

"Don't call me that!"

"Rory. I'm sorry. I think in some…twisted way, in the back of my mind, I did it because well…I wanted all of this with you. So maybe I thought if there was a chance you would get pregnant, we would finally have it."

She stands next to her car and as anger surges through her, she starts kicking her tire rim and cursing. Jess turns around at the sound and gawks before running over to her.

"Hey, hey!" He places a hand on her shoulder, and she turns to him, and he sees fuming agony on her face. He touches her cheek gently and she grimaces and starts to cry harder at his comfort.

"I'm so sorry I encouraged you to do this. It's clearly destroying you. But remember what I said the other day? If you're angry, take it out on him. Take what you need from this Rory. There is nothing wrong with doing that."

"Rory? Who are you with? Are they listening to us talk? I can't have any of this get out, my dad will kill me."

And that does it. She decides she is going to take what she needs. She lifts her chin with determination and assertiveness. She can do this.

"Your dad? Okay let's talk about your dad. He did me a quote 'favor' with conde Nast, but I don't think he did a damn thing besides get me in front of people. In fact, I don't think he said anything nice about me at all. They were hardly interested in me and gave me a bullshit beat. He has been trying to squash my dreams since I threatened the 'dynastic plan' by dating you in college and he has almost succeeded a couple times!"

"You said you didn't want that kind of help! And my dad is a prick, we both know that already."

"Well, you know what Logan, things have changed, and I want it now. I want a job that I love to help me move on and get past this fucking aura of grief I've been burdened with. And now to get past the trauma of your freaking god complex! I want to work in journalism, I want to travel but I want them to be based out of New York. I live there now by the way in my own apartment that I paid for and decorated with my own stuff, where I've been working on writing a book. While I am happy that I've been able to do all that, I can't write the book anymore and I need to move on to the next part of my career."

"What are you saying?"

"I need help. I am asking for your help and seriously Logan, it's the least you can fucking do."

"Sorry, are you blackmailing me?"

"Oh my god, of course not! You think I want to relive all of this? Deal with your family and with the media writing about me being a homewrecker to your perfect societal marriage? You clearly have no clue how hard this has all been for me if you think that, and you clearly don't know me for who I really am. Which is such a disappointment given how long you have known me," Rory takes a breath, "I'm asking for help. That's all."

Logan sighs, "Of course I'll help you, Rory. You're the one that said you didn't need me to save you anymore."

"You're not saving me Logan," she sternly clarifies, "I can find other ways to be happy. I've already started working towards that," she looks up and meets Jess's eyes. His anxious features soften, crooked smile perking up on one side.

"But this is something that I want and deserve. And I'm finally learning that asking for help isn't a weakness and doesn't say anything negative about my abilities. You know how hard I've worked, how much I've chased and how elusive it has been for me since college. It's a tough industry and I happen to be lucky enough to have connections, and I'm ready to use them, if you'll let me."

It's quiet on the line, all Rory hears is traffic whirring behind her. She takes a calming breath and turns to Jess, "can you drive?" He nods and kisses her head, opening the passenger door for her.

"Who are you with?" Logan finally speaks after minutes of nothing. They have already pulled back into traffic. Rory is leaning the right side of her head on the window, phone to her left ear.

"Logan. Please. It was hard for me to do this. You know I don't like asking for help. Please acknowledge that you will help me. No strings attached, no prying into my life. We have to get to a place where I trust you again. Then maybe I'll tell you about the life I'm creating for myself outside of work."

She feels Jess's hand on her leg again and it brings a small smile to her face.

"I'll help you. You know I will. Send me your resume and I'll start making phone calls."

"Okay. Thank you."

"Rory…I'm really sorry. Please let me know if I can do anything else."

"Okay. Bye Logan. And I mean it…congratulations on becoming a dad."

"Thanks. I'm nervous."

"Don't be. You'll do great. As long as you're present in their life."

"And there's the rub, right? I could easily be another Mitchum," he sighs, and Rory feels a sort of unexpected relief at these words. He knows what he doesn't want to be, maybe that will make a difference for him and his family. But it doesn't affect her any more either way.

"Bye Rory. I'll be in touch."

The rest of the car ride is silent. Both Rory and Jess recognizing their mutual need for quiet contemplation. But their hands never separate from each other, and it lets them both know it will all be okay.

Michie-Sunflower - thanks for another great review :) I hope you're not disappointed in the direction Rory went! it felt right and realistic to me, and a necessary turn of events for her to move forward. let me know your thoughts!