Happy Valentine's Day everyone! A gift from me to you - another chapter :)

enjoy xoxo

disclaimer: I own nothing.

"So, you went to Philly with your boo this weekend? And let me guess, you ate lots of delicious cheesesteaks without me."

"Cheesecake too! They are really big on all things cheese there."

"Now it's just rude of you to rub that in my face."

"Sorry mom. We will bring you and Luke sometime, promise."

"Yeah, yeah. So, you had fun? You met his friends? And please notice how I said that without any shock or astonishment in my voice. Because I know Jess has friends now."

Rory rolls her eyes as she multi-tasks with her phone against her ear and typing on her computer at work.

"Yes, he does, and they are great! We had a lot of fun. It was really nice to see their camaraderie and care. I'm happy Jess has them."

"That's nice, sweets. He deserves to have good people in his corner."

"I agree. Oh, and we toured Edgar Allan Poe's house! It was tiny and just as creepy feeling as you would expect it to be."

"Oh cool! But I thought his house was in Baltimore?"

"He lived a lot of places on the east coast, he was a traveling man."

"And a drunk one too. Let's hope he didn't get behind the wheel. Or maybe I should say on a horse."

"Anyway, it was an amazing weekend. I'm just so happy Jess is letting me in the way that he is."

"Aw, babe that's great. You have both changed a lot and I think it makes all the difference. I'm rooting for you, Luke is rooting for you -"

"Oh no, please don't break into your Tyra Banks impression!"

"'I was rooting for you, we were all rooting for you! How dare you!'"

"There she goes…"

"Sorry I can't help myself. So iconic."

A sound chimes on Rory's laptop and she sees an email from JetBlue, followed by a second email from her boss.

"Hey mom, I have to go. It looks like I might be traveling somewhere soon. I'm going to go find out what's happening."

"Oooh intrigue, let me know when you find out where you're going so I can find a suitable celebrity for you to hook up with."

Rory sighs, "Bye mom."

"Bye Brenda Starr!"

As she walks into her apartment later that day, she's greeted by the most pleasant smell of herbs and spices. She can see Jess moving around her small kitchen, but he doesn't notice she's home yet. "This Charming Man" by The Smiths plays loudly through the record player. She takes in the view with a small grin; the handsome man that has her heart cooking them dinner and singing to himself. A view she can get used to indeed. After a moment, she steps further inside to make her presence known and that's when she catches sight of a romantic setup at her dining counter. Glasses of wine, a candle, flowers and real plates and silverware. Jess notices her then and walks up to give her a quick kiss.

"You're home early. Dinner won't be ready for a bit."

"What's all this?" she asks, placing her bags down and taking a seat at one of the place settings. He turns to the stove and shrugs.

"I know it's a little cheesy looking, but I thought it would be nice."

"It's so nice, Jess. What are you making? It smells amazing!"

"Nothing crazy, Thai chicken and vegetables and some coconut rice. Chocolate cream pie for dessert if everything goes well."

"'Nothing crazy' he says! That sounds incredible. And pie?!"

"I told you I would try for you. However, I make no promises that it will taste good."

She beams, "you're my favorite boyfriend."

"Good, maybe you can break up with the others?"

"We'll discuss that after I try the pie. Can I do anything to help?"

He shakes his head, "Just sit there being clever and pretty. Drink some wine if you want."

"Easy," she grins, and then remembers, "Actually, I got an assignment today! I need to pack. Do you mind if I do that until dinner is ready?"

"Oh," he replies with a curious tone, he sets down the lid on the rice and lowers the temperature before turning to her, "where are you going? Don't tell me Thailand or this meal will never impress you again."

"No, not Thailand," she wraps her arms around her waist and smiles, "I'm going to London. Not for long. Returning the day before my birthday actually. The reporter that's there needs to take care of his dad and they wanted to get someone over there to cover for him. Luckily his dad isn't gravely ill, just needs a temporary caretaker so I'm his replacement. And it's great you know, I love London. It's like a posher New York. And less of a chance I get lost traveling since I've been there before which is also great."

She bites her lip to stop her stammering, not wanting to bring attention to the elephant in the room. And it's clear that Jess doesn't either. His eyebrows raise momentarily, and he rubs the back of his neck before giving her a small smile.

"That's cool that they chose you. I'm happy for you."

"Thank you. I'm excited. I leave tomorrow early morning."

"Well then I guess you better get packing, reporter Gilmore. Will you let me take you to the airport this time?"

"If you want to get up at five in the morning, then be my guest."

"Ouch, I do like my beauty sleep," he tugs at his chin in thought.

"Oh, you're beautiful enough in my opinion," she gives him a cheeky smile.

"If you're trying to butter me up, it's working. Five in the morning sounds like a piece of cake now."

"I've learned my best negotiation techniques from my mother. If the schmoozing didn't work, boozing would be next."

He laughs and leans over the counter to plant a short but hot kiss on her mouth. He pulls away and smirks at her swollen lips.

"Go pack, I'll get you when dinner is ready. And afterwards I'll give you plenty to think about while you're away."

After dinner, dessert and, what should have been, exhausting sex they lay in bed next to each other. Both awake but not acknowledging it. There is an indecipherable energy pulling between them, keeping them from sleep with circling thoughts. Rory worries at her lip for what feels like hours before she finally feels sleepiness taking over her body. But all too quickly, her alarm is going off. She groans and turns to the nightstand to silence it. She yawns and switches the lamp on. Jess lies next to her on his stomach, the blanket just low enough that she can see his neck and shoulders. She's not surprised he slept through her loud alarm and the bright light; he could sleep through an explosion. She smiles softly and runs her fingers through his dark hair, faintly scratching his head to ease him awake.

"Jess," she whispers, "do you still want to take me to the airport?"

He grumbles what sounds like confirmation.

"I think that was a yes? I'm going to jump in the shower and get dressed. I'll wake you up again when it's time to go."

He mumbles an incoherent response and she quietly giggles. She kisses him on the head before she gets up to shower and get ready.

When she emerges from the shower, Jess is waiting by the bathroom door with a large, hot mug of coffee. He holds it out to her wordlessly.

"Thank you. I'm sorry, you didn't have to get up yet."

He yawns and shrugs, "I brought your suitcase out to the living room and poured you a travel cup of coffee for the road."

"You really are my favorite boyfriend," she grins and kisses him on the cheek, but her grin falters as those words make her think of someone else.

"Jess, I need to talk to you about something before we leave for the airport."

He looks her over and nods.

"I'll meet you in the bedroom in a minute, gonna brush my teeth so I can kiss you goodbye," he smirks, moving past her to the bathroom. She takes a deep breath and heads to the bedroom to start getting dressed. He strides in minutes later and sits on the bed, watching her change.

"A week without this view is going to suck."

She turns to him, smiling nervously.

"Um. I just wanted to tell you that I'm planning to meet up with Logan while I'm in London."

His tired eyes are suddenly alert and his smirk drops. He doesn't say anything, so she continues.

"I've…been thinking about it. Well, I thought about it all day yesterday, since my boss asked me to go. I'm going to be there anyway, and I don't know. It feels wrong to go there and not at least say hi."

Finally, in a rough whisper Jess asks, "You were thinking about it and didn't think to mention it to me? All day? You could have called me or texted me. You didn't even mention that you would be leaving today until you got home last night. How long did you know? You could have emailed me. Shit, Rory, this is New York. You probably could've even sent a messenger."

"Jess…I haven't heard back from him yet, so I didn't want to tell you for no reason. But I also didn't want to wait to tell you when I'm thousands of miles away and can't speak to you in person."

He scoffs, "you know he's going to respond, and you know that he's going to want to meet up. I'm sure he would find a way to make it happen even if he was on the other side of the fucking world."

"Jess! It's not like that."

He stands up from the bed, body tense with frustration.

"What's it like then? Why did you wait until the end of the day to tell me about London? And why do you want to see him? Has that pompous idiot not messed with your life enough already?"

"I thought you said you would be more respectful of Logan!"

"This is me being respectful. Believe me, I'm holding my tongue so hard I might choke on it."

She crosses her arms over her chest and exclaims, "Please don't hold back on my account!"

"Fine. He's a selfish dick and doesn't deserve to see you."

Her jaw clenches and she crosses her arms tightly over her middle, but she doesn't respond.

He continues in her silence, "It bothers me that you didn't tell me immediately about London. We're in a relationship, Rory. Shouldn't I be one of the first few people to know about these things? I think it's fair to say I should at least know before your ex! Why did you reach out to him? I know you think he's not a manipulative, controlling person but I have no doubt in my mind he will try to charm your pants off again if he gets the chance."

She gasps suddenly, "you don't trust me!"

He grunts and runs a hand roughly through his hair, "I trust you Rory, I don't trust him!"

"No, you don't trust me otherwise this wouldn't be an issue. You think I'm impressionable enough that I'll give in to his nonsense, and you think I have some weird ulterior motive."

"That's not what I'm saying."

"Sure, sounds like it. And he has a family now Jess, he isn't going to try anything!"

"I know he does, that's my other concern. You're not ready to be around that, Rory," his words are softer than before, but she still can't help feeling offended by them.

She scoffs, "what does that mean? How do you know what I'm ready for?"

"You were just drunk in my arms, going on about how you wanted us to be a family not that long ago! And you played it tough at Ava's birthday party, but I could tell seeing so many little kids bothered you."

"That was so long ago Jess! That was before I even started my job! And I was more than fine at the birthday party. This is all in your head!"

He steps closer to her, hands up in disbelief.

"Even if you were fine at the party, this is different. It's been less than a year since the miscarriage, Rory. Less than a year since he told you that his wife was pregnant, and then said shit that hurt you so much you cried on the side of the highway and kicked your car!"

He gets closer, leaning in and delivering in a quiet, but blistering, whisper, "And I assume it's been just about a year since he fucked you raw. Without telling you. Multiple times. Am I right? You did say early fall if I remember correctly. Doesn't get much earlier than September."

She gapes and steps back from him.

"How can you talk to me that way? That's so crude!"

"Crude or not, it's what happened Rory!"

"Jesus Jess, what happened to you not caring about my past relationships? You said you only care about me, so why are you upset about this?"

"Because this isn't in the past! You are very much making this a present issue. And I do care about you, more than any fucking thing in the world. That's why I'm upset that you're doing this to yourself! Logan has hurt you, he's done terrible things to you, and you just…you just want to forgive him and somehow be fucking friends. But he will always want more. Guys like him always do. He's an entitled prick. He proposed to you for god's sakes and got you pregnant."

She stomps her foot, "The proposal again, I thought we got past that! God, will Logan ever not be a sore subject?!"

"I don't know Rory, how often do you plan on bringing him up?"

"Never. I'll never bring him up again. I'll just talk to him when I talk to him and see him when I see him. And won't mention it to you ever. I won't try to be a good, communicative partner - because, by the way, that was a major issue we had as teenagers - I won't do it anymore. I brought it up because I thought you trusted me, and I wanted to be honest with you. I'm a naive idiot I guess."

"Stop it, stop! I do trust you, I trust you with everything except yourself. You don't do what's best for you sometimes, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. I'm just trying to protect you. Why can't you see that?!"

"That's a little condescending, Jess."

"Rory," he tries, more delicately this time, "I know what your life is supposed to look like right now, I know what's missing from it. And I can see in your eyes sometimes that you do too. It's the same distraught look you had when you told me about it on the couch in Luke's apartment Thanksgiving night. And I'm not saying that your life isn't whole or you're not happy, but you are still haunted by it. To be honest, I am too. Why would you put yourself within reach of the man that put you through all of that? Risk feeling as horrible and lost as you did before? Why would you give him any sort of unnecessary and undeserved access to you?"

Rory stands with her arms crossed over her chest, staring at the floor as he speaks. She swallows, and in a desperate attempt to shove away the point he is trying to make, she goes after him instead. She looks up and meets his eyes with a stony look. His chest puffs up with a breath; he can see the fight she's about to put up before the words are out of her mouth.

"Yeah and I'm the only one that's delusional about myself? You think that you've got it all figured out, that you've dealt with your shit and you're over it? I know you go to therapy, but you act like the last eight months of chaos didn't happen! I have no doubt that you've sustained some major emotional wounds, just like me. So if I'm not okay, neither are you."

"Maybe. But that doesn't make what you're doing better or right," he responds in a quiet, but stern tone, "and the difference is that I chose to do that, knowing what it would do to me. What choice did you get to make besides deciding to keep a baby conceived from a fucked up situation? Sometimes I feel like you don't understand the weight of what Logan did to you."

"A little condescending again," she mutters, then more clearly says, "I'm going to London. I'll get an uber to the airport. I won't give you any updates while I'm there."

"Ugh," he groans and pulls at his hair with both hands, "that's not what I want Rory."

"Honestly Jess, I don't really care what you want right now. I'll call you when I'm back."

She stalks from the bedroom, grabbing a hoodie from the floor on her way out. He follows swiftly behind her to the living room.

"Rory, please. Listen to me. He doesn't deserve to be in your presence, he doesn't deserve to be your friend. You don't owe him anything for getting you a job if that's what this is about."

She scoffs and shakes her head, pulling her shoes on.

"You know what is so frustrating about this? I trust you. I didn't press you when you told me not to worry about the furniture in Luke's, I didn't give you a hard time for picking a place for us to live together without me, and I have done all kinds of new things with you that I've never felt comfortable doing with anyone else. I trust you, Jess. And I know how much that means to you. Why can't you do the same for me?"

They stare at each other in silence. He swallows as she takes out her phone to check on her uber.

"I don't think you're hearing what I'm saying, Ror. I'm worried about you doing this because I care about you. Not because I don't trust you."

"Enough, Jess. Please. I have to go."

He huffs out an exasperated sigh and covers his face with his hands. He takes a few calming breaths as Rory gets ready to leave around him. He removes his hands from his face and watches Rory, her movements exaggerated with quiet frustration. He wants to smile at the fact that even in the throes of anger, her face is the prettiest thing he's ever seen. Still delicate and divine even with a glowering frown. He grabs the keys from the counter and a shirt from a nearby laundry basket.

"Rory," he breaks her furious concentration, and she turns to him. He meets her stormy eyes and insists, "I am not letting you get in a car alone with a stranger before the sun is even up. I'll drive you."

"I already ordered it," she weakly replies, not having the energy to fight with him anymore. He doesn't reply, just puts his shoes on and puts his wallet in the pocket of his sweatpants. He walks towards the front door and holds it open, gesturing for her to walk out. Her shoulders slump, but she takes the handle of her suitcase and walks out the door. He locks it behind them and leads her to the car in silence. There's a car with an uber sticker on it out front and Jess knocks on the window.

"You here for Rory?"

The driver nods. Jess takes out his wallet and hands the driver a twenty dollar bill.

"She doesn't need the ride anymore. Sorry for wasting your time."

The driver shrugs and drives away with a quick thanks.

"You didn't have to do that. He still gets paid because I canceled the ride so late."

Jess opens the car door for her without a word and takes her luggage to put it in the trunk. He gets behind the wheel and starts the car.

"Sorry. I didn't know that. I'm a recluse, as you said," he mumbles as he pulls away from the curb. She so badly wants to laugh, finding his words and lack of knowledge of modern apps totally adorable. But she can't get past the heavy aggravation that's clouding her mind.

They ride to the airport in silence. He pulls up to her terminal and parks the car, quickly getting out to get her suitcase for her. When she goes to take it from him, he nods in the direction of the entrance. She sighs and he follows her inside to help her check her bag.

"I have to go. You can't go past security without a ticket," she states quietly, standing by the TSA pre check line. He nods and looks down at the floor for a moment. He takes a deep breath before looking back up at her face. Her eyes are wide, bottom lip red and puffy from her biting at it. He brushes his thumb over her mouth, then wraps his arms around her in a firm embrace. She clings to him just as tightly, both wanting each other to know that no matter what, there is an abundance of care between them. He pulls back slightly from her and looks her in the eye.

"I love you, Rory."

She gasps and her lips start to tremble. She shakes her head repeatedly.

"No. Please don't say that now. I've been waiting to hear that from you since.. since I gave you the chapter but not now, Jess. Not after all that we just said. Take it back."

His face drops, but he doesn't turn his gaze away from her.

"I'm not taking it back. You're right, I should have told you sooner and for that I'm sorry. But I won't apologize for saying it now."

"Jess. This doesn't fix what we just fought about."

"I know that," he says gently, one of his hands squeezing her shoulder, "But I need you to know because I don't want you to think that any of this changes anything for me, okay? And I hope it doesn't for you either. I love you."

Her eyes water, she chews the inside of her mouth to keep her tears from falling. She can't bring herself to say it back to him. Not because she doesn't love him, but because she's feeling conflicted over the fact that it doesn't seem like he trusts her.

"I don't expect you to say it back to me right now, it's okay," he whispers, "I know you're hurt because you think I'm in the wrong with this situation. And maybe I am, I don't know. You are so important to me Rory. I hate thinking you're putting yourself in situations that will make you sad. But maybe that's not fair. I do love your heart and I think it's beautiful that you always want to see the best in someone. But I also think this particular someone has shown you enough of his worst. I don't think he deserves any more of your kindness."

She only stares at him in response, her blue eyes wide and watery, her lips still trembling. He softly gazes over her features and continues.

"I know it's really not up to me who you decide to share your…generous soul with. And maybe I was too harsh. I don't know. Figuring all that out doesn't matter to me right now though. What matters is you go through all these days away from me with the knowledge that I'm in love with you. No matter what you do or who you meet up with. Okay?"

She bites her cheek harder and nods quickly. She sniffs and turns away from him to leave. His gravelly voice stops her.

"I know you want space right now. But please text me when you land and when you're flying home again. That's all I ask."

She turns back to him, vision completely blurred by unshed tears and gives him a nod of acknowledgement. She turns around and goes through the motions of checking in, and eventually ends up at her gate, rereading the same lines over and over again in the book she packed in her carryon. She closes it when it's time to board, trudging to her window seat on the plane. She stuffs her bag under the seat in front of her and decides to put the hoodie that she grabbed on.

As she pulls it over her head, she smells a masculine mixture of leather and smoky vanilla. She looks down to see that she did indeed grab one of his black sweatshirts. She smells the collar again, inhaling the familiar scent of his cologne. She pulls the hood up over her head and puts her headphones in, leaning towards the window. Then, she finally lets herself cry.

She keeps her word and texts Jess when she lands safely in London. He immediately replies with 'Thank you baby'. It surprises her that he doesn't seem to be harboring anger towards her, which makes her feel like he meant what he was trying to say despite his initial attitude. He just cares about her and believes he is looking out for her. But she can't figure out if that makes it all okay or not.

She of course finds a response from Logan waiting as well. The guilt sits too heavy in her stomach for her to respond to him that day. Luckily, she has a lot of work to do to fill her time, and the jet lag has her exhausted enough for the first few days of her trip that she can ignore the anxious thoughts stirring in the back of her head about both Jess and Logan. But when she returns to her hotel at the end of her fourth day there, she spots blonde hair and a smug smile that she would recognize anywhere sitting at the hotel lobby bar. She stops in her tracks and stares for a moment before walking up to him.

"Hi," is all she can say in her debilitating state of confusion and distress. He chuckles.

"Hi? That's a little disappointing. Your banter is usually a little more on point."

She blinks at him and then shakes her head, bringing herself into the present.

"My banter? The brits are rubbing off on you."

"There she is."

"What are you doing here? How did you know where to find me? What's going on?"

"I see you just needed a second to regroup," he winks at her, "actually I realized that I still have you in 'find my friends' on my iPhone. You know, from the very first time you were in London and couldn't figure out where you were?"

She laughs quietly at that, "Yeah. I remember. I sent you my location, but I didn't realize you still had access to it…"

"Don't worry," he leans in conspiratorially, "I only use it for good."

"Right and, this is good? Stalking me at my hotel?"

"Stalking implies that I'm keeping the fact that I know where you are from you and watching you from afar. This is more like…a treasure hunt. And you're the gold."

That word immediately makes her think of Jay calling her and Jess treasures, and she frowns.

"Logan, seriously. Why are you here?"

"You didn't respond to my text. You said you wanted to meet up, I replied and then you ghosted me."

"So, you stalked my location and showed up at my hotel?"

"Rory…I didn't want you to back out. I was happy to get your message. I thought maybe you were just nervous and sometimes you let that get the best of you."

She rolls her eyes, "I love how everyone seems to know me better than I know myself."

She immediately feels a pang of regret at those words, because when it comes to Jess, there's more than enough proof that he usually does.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. I was going to text you back, I've just been really busy since I got here. The reporter I'm covering for had all these interviews and events scheduled for this week that I have to attend. I've pretty much been working and sleeping only."

"Well, let me fix that and take you out to dinner, Ace," his smug smirk is back. She mulls over his invitation for a second but decides she doesn't want to give in to him that easily. It frustrates her that he would just show up and expect her to be available to him, though it doesn't surprise her.

"No thanks. I have to get some more work done. How about we meet for lunch tomorrow? I'm free between 11am-1pm."

He slumps slightly at her rejection, but his smile is back quickly.

"Sure. We can meet at that cafe near my place, the one with the ridiculously strong coffee you love."

She is wary about picking such a non-neutral location, but she does love that damn coffee. A small smile graces her features.

"Okay. I'll see you there at 11:30am."

"Can't wait," he nods, and only hesitates a moment before he leans in and hugs her briefly. She places one hand on his back in response and then pulls away.

"Bye, Logan."

"See you, Rory," he doesn't move right away, eyes trailing over her, "you look good, by the way. Focused and beautiful. Youthful. Reminds me of meeting you at Yale outside your dorm."

She doesn't even blush, and she's satisfied that his words don't have that effect on her anymore. She takes it as a small, but not really enjoyable, victory - see Jess? Not impressionable.

She doesn't say anything back to Logan. Instead, she walks away and takes the elevator up to her room. Immediately she immerses herself in work, though she multi-tasks this with deciding whether or not to let Jess know about her plans. She isn't sure if he wants to know, and the stubborn part of her personality wants to keep the space until she gets back. But…he did say he loves her no matter what. And it is this knowledge that ultimately convinces her to text him before she goes to bed

- Meeting Logan for lunch tomorrow.

She tosses and turns all night, restless with nervous energy. She forces herself to turn off her phone completely in the middle of the night, in an effort to stop herself from checking it. In desperation, she turns on her hotel room TV and watches something stupid until she finally drifts to sleep in the early, early hours of the morning. But she immediately turns on her phone when she wakes up, and a deep dread sits in the pit of her stomach when she sees that he hasn't responded at all. Counting back the time difference, if she's five hours ahead, there is no way he didn't see her message the night before. Hot, painful tears rush to her eyes, and she can only think of one person that might be able to make her feel better.

"Rory? Honey, are you okay?" Lorelai's voice is thick with sleep, and she quickly realizes it's the middle of the night in Connecticut. She grimaces, but she needs her mom.

"Mom…the other shoe dropped. And it's Logan sized," her voice is a garble of despair and sadness. She hears Lorelai's quiet gasp on the line.

"That's one heavy, and expensive, shoe."

Rory then hears what she assumes is Luke grumbling, "everything okay?" Lorelai tells him to go back to sleep, and she hears movement and the closing of a door. It's quiet until she hears the telltale sounds of coffee percolating.

"Mom?" Rory asks quietly after a couple more minutes. The sound of coffee being poured fills her ears and then the creaking of a chair.

"Sorry. I want to be caffeinated for this conversation."

"I'm sorry, I know it's the middle of the night there. I just…don't know who else to talk to."

"Don't be sorry, I'm always here for you honey. So…Logan."

"Yes. Logan. I think Jess is mad at me, but I'm a little mad at him too. I think it's my fault, I think I screwed up. But I'm not sure. I don't know what to do or say or think!" Rory's words come out fast and frantic.

"Rory, babe. Breathe. It's going to be okay. It doesn't have to be anyone's fault, you know. Can you tell me what happened?"

Rory explains the situation to her as calmly as she can. She spares the details of her fight with Jess, but spares nothing about their departure at the airport.

"I thought he wanted to know, I thought it would be good for me to communicate these things to him. But I messaged him to tell him about lunch with Logan and I haven't heard from him. Do you think he's upset? And is it bad if that infuriates and saddens me at the same time?"

Lorelai can hear the anxiety and frustration in Rory's voice, and she wishes she were there to hold her and help her relax.

"Rory…listen to me. He loves you. He told you he loves you no matter what happens."

Rory is silent, letting the truth of Lorelai's words roll around her head.

"We both know that Jess doesn't say things he doesn't mean."

"He doesn't do things he doesn't mean either, so what does him not talking to me mean?"

"I don't think it means whatever you're thinking it means. Put yourself in his shoes in this situation. Just…completely flip it all in your head. We'll say in this scenario Jess got someone pregnant who lied to him about being on birth control, and Jess is, ya know, in her neighborhood and feels like he should meet up with her."

"Oh no. I don't like this game," Rory groans, pulling at her hair.

"I know but stay with me here. What would you do, after all that happened with your fight and saying I love you, if he texted you to let you know he's meeting with this woman for lunch? Remember you told him that you love him no matter what he decides to do. What would you say?"

"I…don't know. I don't understand why he would want to go. But I don't want to say anything wrong either."

"Exactly."

"What?"

"He doesn't know what to say because he doesn't understand. And that doesn't mean he is upset, or regrets saying he loves you, or any of the twisted things your anxious brain is telling you, Rory. It means only that. He doesn't know what to say."

Rory takes a deep, trembling breath. Her body calms slightly, her shoulders slump and she nibbles on her lip.

"Do you think I'm foolish for wanting to meet with Logan?"

"Not at all," Lorelai insists, "and I don't think it's foolish that Jess is worried about it, either. You are both entitled to these…choices and feelings. Things related to Logan are complicated and weird. For both of you. I do think it's good that you communicated with Jess about it though, regardless of him answering or not. It shows that you care and that you're not being secretive."

"I'm not even sure why I want to see him," Rory admits in a whisper. Lorelai sips her coffee and sits quietly, waiting for an epiphany that doesn't come.

"I could take a guess."

Rory doesn't reply, she fidgets with the blankets on the bed beneath her.

"I think you're looking for closure, hun."

Rory audibly swallows.

"It feels wrong to say that because I feel like I should have closure already."

"It doesn't matter what you think you should feel, what matters is what's true. And you don't feel like you have closure. That is perfectly understandable, Rory."

"It doesn't feel like it's understandable. It feels ridiculous. I think that's why I waited to tell Jess about London, and about Logan. It doesn't make sense and I didn't know how to explain that to him. I have had difficult phone calls with him about what he did to me already, and he helped me get my dream job, and we're pretty cordial. So why do I feel the need to see him?"

Lorelai takes a deep breath before trying to tackle Rory's endless self-criticism.

"Honey…did you hear my words before? Things with Logan are complicated and weird. He's someone that I think you still care about in some way, but also someone that hurt you so deeply. Don't be weirded out by this comparison, but it's kind of like my relationship with your dad. He will always mean something to me, and I will always want the best for him despite any wrong he's done. I don't seek Chris out, but if I do see him, I want to see him happy, and I want him to know that I'm happy too. It seems like that might be what's going on here. The closure thing. You want to see him existing and living his life after what happened between the two of you. And you want him to see that you're existing and living your life too. You need concrete evidence, even though you may already know this in your mind, that things are right and happened the way they should have. Your heart needs that. You want to see him. I get it, Rory. And I think when you're comfortable explaining all of that to Jess, he will get it too."

Rory sniffles and sighs, finally feeling somewhat at peace from having the words to explain her intricate thoughts and emotions. The two Gilmore girls sit silently on the phone together for some time, letting the conversation wash over them.

Then, Rory murmurs on the line, "he said he loves me."

"I know, babe."

"I love him too."

Lorelai grins against the receiver.

"I know, babe."

"I have to start getting ready."

"Okay."

"Thank you. I love you, mom."

"I love you too, Rory. And I'm always here for you. Whenever. Wherever. On a boat. With a goat. In the rain. On a train. In a tree. In a….ummm…shoot I forget what comes after that. I know, I'll make up my own! In a car. At a bar! Wish upon a shooting star. Near, far, wherever you are!" Lorelai bursts into song, and Rory laughs out loud for the first time since arriving in London.

"Thanks mom. I know what you're trying to say."

"Good. So you won't think twice about calling me if you need me?"

"I won't even think once."

"That's my girl! Just use that muscle memory."

Rory chuckles, "I will. Bye mom."

"Bye Rory," Lorelai pauses before hanging up and adds gently, "I hope you get your closure, sweets. You deserve it."

don't panic. you know I got you :)