Wow, Guys. Finally. Three months is a ridiculous amount of time to go without posting, and I applaud any one of my readers I actually still have left. I promise you guys, PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE, I will not take this long again. Just, personal issues had me unable to focus on much of anything. But things have finally calmed down, and I'm quite inspired to continue.
I added a little bit of lightheartedness to part of this chapter, as it would definitely be needed in the aftermath of 9/11. I hope you all enjoy it, and STAY TUNED for next chapter!
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MapQuest.
Lacey had never heard of it, but Davy had and after pulling it up on her computer and the two of them doing some quick figuring, they determined that the fastest way to Grandpa Greg's in Albany would be by car to Chicago, then by train the rest of the way.
"Can you beat that?" Davy held up the Christmas card envelope from almost a year ago that Lacey was now glad she kept and doublechecked the return address. "We print these directions off and we can basically pull up right at the guy's door. It's crazy."
"And we get a taxi from the train station to the house. I think we've got a plan." As Davy was printing off the MapQuest directions, she was filling a duffel bag with just a few essentials before zipping it up. "We have to just hope and pray Adam gets there first, because Grandpa Greg's in Toronto,"
"Wait, what?" Davy swiveled around in the computer chair. "He's not gonna be home? Then what if Adam isn't there? I mean what were you planning to do then?"
"Get a hotel," Lacey replied without skipping a beat. "Then check back every day. Going on a wish and a prayer here, Davy. You sure you're still down for this?"
He nodded, ever loyal. "Of course. I mean, if you have this all figured out…"
"Okay, let's hurry. Kristy's supposed to be here any minute."
Davy grabbed the pages of directions off the printer, then went to gather a few of his own things.
Time moved in a blur for Lacey. She packed her car, so grateful for her faithful steed. It had held up marvelously through college as she did all she could to take care of it. Hopefully it wouldn't fail her now on the longest trip she'd ever taken it on.
Kristy soon pulled in front of Lacey's house and she jumped out, frizzy blonde ringlets escaping her short ponytail. Her friend had been incredibly affected by what had transpired today, as she must have had a far longer view of things than Lacey, whose concern for Adam had numbed her a bit to the rest of the country's sorrow. Her friend was hesitant in agreeing to come along, which wasn't surprising. She was far from a risk-taker, and traveling anywhere right then in light of this national emergency would be unpredictable. Plus, what else might terrorists have planned? These were all matters Lacey currently blew off in her pursuit of Adam's safety, but she knew they lingered in Kristy's mind.
"So…what did you tell your Dad?" Lacey asked.
Shrugging, Kristy closed the trunk. "That I would be spending a few nights with you because you were worried sick about Adam. It is kind of true, isn't it?"
Once Davy was ready, he and Lacey hurriedly promised her parents they'd check in regularly before they were off. Her mom fretfully watched out the kitchen window as they pulled away from the curb, and Lacey made brief eye contact with her, promising wordlessly that she was going to be fine.
Kristy looked over the printed directions in the passenger seat, reading out to Lacey which turns and exits to take to get her on the freeway toward Chicago the fastest. "I can't believe this tells you exactly what lights to turn at and everything. Pretty cool." She turned to flash a smile to Davy in the backseat.
"The internet's changing everything. It's awesome," he replied, and Lacey could hear the grin in his voice. Something magical still hung between Kristy and Davy that she couldn't deny, even in her state of preoccupation.
No one spoke much on the six hour drive to the Chicago train station, each of them lost in their own thoughts. After about three hours, Davy had fallen asleep, his lanky form folded uncomfortably in the backseat. Kristy drifted off next, head against the window, at which time Lacey turned the radio on low, hoping to distract herself from her worst fears. There was only one thing that could shield her against the waves of panic that were hitting every several minutes and damn near taking her breath away: stay positive. It was the branch she hung on to to keep from being swept away in the dark, swirling currents.
Thought and action, not feeling.
Lacey tried to be mindful of the sensory experience of just being in the car and listening to music. She wrinkled her nose, however, when Jennifer Lopez and some lewd clown called Ja Rule took over the airwaves with "I'm Real." She heard that song everywhere these days, and still couldn't reconcile the fact that her beloved rock and pop hits were slowly being replaced by hip-hop on the charts. Why? she had wanted to moan on several occasions. Turning the dial to the right then brought "Drive" by Incubus to her ears, and she was placated for a few moments before it was followed by "When It's Over" by Sugar Ray, a breakup song she'd been trying to avoid for months. Ah, well. Letting herself lose the battle, Lacey just opted to relax against the seat, leaving the dial alone. There was heartache everywhere you turn, she was realizing. You couldn't always run away from it. You had to face it, whether it was something horrifying happening in real life–as right now–or a stupid, depressing song that kept taking over the radio.
Time ticked by as the sky gradually darkened. She made a quick stop at a convenience store to gas up and grab coffee, which stirred Davy. "Need me to drive?" he inquired, sleepily.
"It's okay. Go ahead and get your sleep. Trust me, you can never sleep on a train." Lacey closed the car door as quietly as she could so as not to jar Kristy.
"Then when will you sleep?"
"I'm not even worried about sleep right now," Lacey turned the ignition. "Not tired."
"Yeah, well that's why you've got us with you. To make sure you do all the things you gotta do, like sleep. Eat. Pee."
"Davy, go back to sleep," Lacey backed out of the parking space. "I'll let you know when I have to sleep, okay? Or pee." She rolled her eyes.
After obtaining dear, beloved coffee, Lacey felt refreshed enough to finish the drive. She hated having to wake Kristy up, but she needed directions for what to do as she neared the metropolis of Chicago. Her friend sat up when Lacey nudged her and leafed through the printed sheets without complaining, navigating them straight into Chicago Union Station at almost nine on the dot. Their train would leave at ten.
It proved to be a good break to walk around a bit, hit the vending machines and go to the bathroom before boarding. Lacey felt hesitant about leaving her car in a place like Chicago, but it was locked and in a secure parking deck, so she had done her best.
Boarding the Amtrak train somehow relieved her. Despite their long drive to Chicago, it now felt like they were actually getting somewhere. It did surprise how few people boarded alongside them and occupied the narrow cabin that reeked of smoke; but, as Davy reminded her, New York was in a state of crisis. No one wanted to be anywhere near there, not even upstate. And, apparently not even so far as Pittsburgh, where they were due to switch trains.
"I've never been on a train before," Kristy looked all around them as the two of them sat down together in a seat, Davy in front of them. "Is it usually a safe way to travel?"
"As far as I know, there have only been a small handful of Amtrak accidents," Davy answered for Lacey, turning around to them. "I guess the worst was that one down in Louisiana ten years ago."
"What happened?" Kristy inquired cautiously.
"Oh man." Davy settled in fully to launch a story Lacey was pretty sure Kristy wouldn't want to hear. "My stepdad told me this since he's from New Orleans. So this barge accidentally hit the railroad transportation bridge over some part of the bayou, and kinked up the rails pretty bad. Then along comes the train in the middle of the night, not knowing about it and hits the kink. The whole thing derails smack into the canal. Like fifty people drowned or burned up–"
"Davy!" Lacey snapped, having intended to stop the story before getting a little sucked in herself. "Can you not?!"
"Oh–!" Alarm crossed Davy's face before he looked over at her stricken friend. "I'm sorry, that was dumb. You okay, Kristy?"
Finally, Kristy nodded. "Yeah. Just please promise not to tell me if we cross over any bridges, okay?" her eyes pleaded.
The three of them alternated naps, Davy and Kristy resting easy in the sparsely populated train. But Lacey found herself able to sleep for only about an hour at a time, continually jarred awake by troubling dreams about buildings crumbling, people on fire, and smashed trains. Then she dreamed she and Adam were back at the lake house in late summer, as they had been before college, staring up at the night sky. She felt the sensation of her heart being full to the brim as she lay next to him, holding onto his hand. But the happy atmosphere came crashing down around her as she realized she was holding only air after he disappeared, and she was no longer on the lake house dock, but on the middle of a tiny island watching from far away as his dorm building burned to the ground.
"Oh…" Lacey whimpered as she came to. Kristy immediately taking her hand.
"It's okay. Everything will be okay," her friend assured her. There was no way Kristy could know that, of course, since things had turned out not at all okay for all the people who had died in those burning buildings. But it wasn't her words that soothed Lacey. Instead, it was her friend's voice, always so soft and mellow.
"Kristy," Lacey murmured, curling up once again in her reclined seat, hoping to fade back into a restful sleep. "I just need him to be okay. Then we'll leave. I just have to make sure…"
Kristy squeezed her hand,
Suddenly Lacey came fully alert, turning back around to face her friend. "Hey, I know you and Alice pray. Can you pray now and ask God to tell you if Adam's all right? That's all I want to know: is he safe?"
But Kristy just shook her head. "Lacey, I only wish it worked that way. He doesn't answer a lot of the prayers I pray like I want Him to."
"Then why pray?" Lacey felt heat rise to her face, feeling angry all over again about this subject.
Kristy sighed, looking around for a moment before letting her eyes rest on Lacey's again. "There are things you just know. Things you can see in a way, not with your eyes, but with your heart. And once you see them, you are never the same. It doesn't cause you to stop wanting things, like for Adam to be alive, or for my mother to be okay…" Her voice trailed off for a moment as she glanced away. After a few seconds, she turned back. "But you just have faith in this thing, this Person that you know is bigger than you are. And it gives you comfort to know He has all things under control even when you don't. I think sometimes when He doesn't answer, it's because He knows He could only tell us something we wouldn't understand anyway, given that we're human. But He hears, and He's always going to do what's best. And that's how we can always know we're all right. Even when it doesn't look possible that we could be."
Lacey pondered this answer for a moment, then stored the disjointed and misfitting pieces of the puzzle in the back of her brain for later. What she'd wanted right now was a clear, tangible sign of Adam's safety. Anything else was useless to her. Sighing, she laid back again and turned on her side away from Kristy in order to be alone with her tortured thoughts for the next pile of hours she'd be on this train.
But blessedly, eight thirty in the morning rolled around much more quickly than Lacey had anticipated it would, and she awoke as Davy shook her arm gently. "Hey. Pittsburgh's twenty minutes away."
Lacey sat up, blinking in confusion for a moment as she looked around for Kristy. Davy, instead, occupied the seat next to her.
"She's off getting coffee in the canteen," Davy supplied. "So, hey! We're almost halfway. You hanging in there?"
She nodded, stretching. "I think so. Did you get any decent rest?"
"A little," he shrugged. "It was a pretty cool ride. Oh, and you missed it. Two drunk guys nearly got into a fight before some super tall badass chick came around the corner in a security suit and told 'em both to sit down. They listened, too."
Lacey couldn't help smiling at Davy's constant good humor. "Was Kristy privy to any of that?"
"She woke up for a few minutes and looked kind of scared til I pointed out the security people to her. Then she relaxed," he chuckled.
Tilting her head, Lacey regarded Davy with interest. "So, tell me. What's going on there?"
"There where?"
"'There' between you and Kristy, you goon. Don't think I haven't noticed how you guys act around each other."
"Oh." Davy flushed. "I mean, I don't know. I sure do like her, but I don't think she sees me that way."
"Are you kidding me right now?" Lacey marveled at Davy's lack of perception. "You really haven't been able to tell by how she listens to all your stories? I'd say she's pretty taken."
"Really?!" Davy whispered, his eyes widening. "You think I may–oh!"
Kristy was suddenly beside them, holding a tray of coffees and a little bag. "I brought croissants," she smiled.
Davy stood up quickly, stepping out into the aisle and giving Kristy a quick nod and smile as he allowed her to press past him into her seat before seating himself back in front of them.
They just managed to finish their croissants and coffee before the call for Pittsburgh Union Station sounded over the speaker, and soon the trio piled out into the terminal. It would be an hour and a half wait before they boarded the connecting train, and Lacey spent most of the time trying to bury her head in the Danielle Steel book of her mom's she'd brought with her. But it was useless. She finally slipped her bookmark between the pages and stared out the window, jiggling her crossed leg nervously. After a few minutes of this, Lacey pulled her cell phone out of her bag and flipped it open, checking for the sixtieth time to see if she'd had any calls. She would normally keep it turned off to preserve the battery, but she didn't want to take any chances on missing a call from Adam. Upon seeing she hadn't, she tried once more to call his phone, sighing in frustration as it yet again went straight to his voicemail box.
"Adam," she began tentatively. "It's Lacey. I'm on my way to Albany to find you. I hope you're there, and damn it, I wish you'd get a cord somewhere to charge your phone." After all, she was choosing to believe a lack of charging device was all that was causing Adam's phone to be defunct.
"Anyway," she pushed the alternative thought from her mind yet again, lowering her voice slightly. "You don't ever need to tell me you're sorry for…things. There's nothing to forgive. Okay? So please know you can let that go. It's just, you know, life happens and things go wrong…"
"Lacey," Kristy leaned over and whispered. "I think we're about to board."
Lacey nodded, quickly wrapping up her message after a deep breath. "It's ten o'clock on Wednesday morning and we're leaving Pittsburgh now, Davy and Kristy and I. We're headed to Grandpa Greg's because your mom said that's where you were going to try to go. If you get this message and that's where you are, just stay there. If not, try to get there. But either way…please call me if you can."
She pressed the End button, knowing the message she'd just left was sprawling. And he might not get it any time soon, but she wanted him to know she was coming.
The trip to Albany from Pittsburgh not only took a few hours more than the trip from Chicago had, it was during the daytime when it was difficult to sleep. They practically had the cabin to themselves, as once again, no one seemed to want to go to New York right now. The hours dragged on, and Lacey couldn't keep her fingers away from her mouth or her hands from tugging lightly on her hair. Several times Kristy reached over to gently pull her hands down.
"I think Davy brought his Rubik's cube," her friend informed her, chuckling. "Do you want me to get it from him? Keep your hands busy?"
"Ha! That would be torture. It's okay, I'll deal." Lacey shifted in her seat, flashing Kristy a fake smile. She rested her head against the window, watching the countryside and the small towns whirr by. She wanted to be able to enjoy the scenery, but it all felt so monotonous. Finding Adam was the only thing she cared about right now.
Day turned to night, Albany still about four hours away when Kristy and Davy shook Lacey from her reverie, placing a chicken salad sandwich from the canteen in her lap.
"You have to eat," Kristy pressed, turning back to Davy to take something from his hand. "We have a Coke right here. Eat. Take bites."
Lacey smiled at them wryly, sitting up straight. "Sorry, it's like I just forget or something." She took up the sandwich and bit into it, her hunger suddenly registering. She went for the second bite before she'd swallowed the first.
"Told you you needed us," Davy smirked. "And you've only got a few hours to go."
"Yeah," Lacey took a long drink out of the opened Coke can Kristy handed over to her. "So, when we get there, I'm heading over to–"
"Uh, you're headed nowhere except a hotel room," Kristy interrupted in a surprisingly commanding voice. "It's going to be midnight. We're not going to anybody's house at midnight. We're going to sleep, then get up as early as you want and go find Adam's grandpa's house. But not tonight."
Lacey opened her mouth to protest, but realized she was being pretty impractical in her desperation to locate Adam. She did, after all, have two people with her she needed to look out for. And she figured neither of them would be onboard for banging on doors in the middle of the night. "Okay. We'll go to a hotel, but we're getting up at like six, no breakfast."
"If there's a continental breakfast at the hotel, can I take a bagel with me?" Davy inquired with a straight face.
"Lacey," Kristy reached out to smooth her hair. "Just slow down a little. You need to have all your ducks in a row and all your strength to face the day tomorrow. You still don't know exactly what you'll be facing. So try to keep taking care of the little things, alright? The maintenance things. Like sleep and food."
How often had she herself said those kinds of things to Adam?
Lacey found herself nodding. "Ok. Breakfast. And seven. But not one minute after. Like, as in, we're leaving at seven, not waking up at seven."
Davy and Kristy each nodded their consent.
"Okay," Davy spoke up. "We're holding you to it."
The next four hours passed surprisingly quickly, and Lacey was all too ready to disembark at Albany-Rensselaer. They had to do a quick search of the yellow pages to search for hotel vacancies nearby, and by the time they located a Comfort Inn and called in a taxi for it, they were all exhausted.
It was definitely foolish to have thought she could go to Grandpa Greg's tonight.
When they were dropped off at the hotel, Davy offering the cabbie far more than enough for having transported them, Lacey paid for and secured the room keys as quickly as she could. The three of them headed up two flights of stairs as the elevator was apparently broken, and unlocked a room that reeked of pot. But none of them cared as they all practically collapsed onto the beds without so much as turning on a light.
It was probably good they hadn't. This place was shady, but it had beds, and that was enough for right now.
No one stirred until nine thirty.
"What?! What time is it?" Lacey jumped up and off the bed, having felt sunlight streaming in on her face. She picked up the clock on the bedside table and set it back down hard, sighing heavily.
"Hu-what?" Davy squinted, rolling away from the sun and stretching across his bed.
"It's nine-thirty," Lacey replied in a state of near panic.
"Hey, hey." Davy sat up, shaking his head in effort to wake up, then stood up to go over and gently shake Kristy, but looking back over at Lacey. "Adam's probably not going to be anywhere at ten o'clock that he wasn't already at seven. Okay? Calm down, Sis."
It was the first time Davy had ever called her "Sis," and something about the term made her want to smile in spite of everything.
Kristy stirred, then sat up quickly. "Oh no. The sun's too bright for it to be–"
"Seven," Lacey groaned. "We overslept. But I guess we didn't set a clock or ask for a wake-up call…"
"We were tired as hell. And we finally got something other than 'train rest,' Davy cut in, heading over to the sink to throw water on his face. They hadn't bothered to close the blinds last night, so now the dingy room was under full light. "Hey, can we get a shower somewhere? Not sure I want one here, but, you know…"
"We will, yes." Lacey rubbed her face, feeling impatient. This was one liability of traveling with other people–you had to facilitate their needs met, too. "Just, can we please wait until I find Adam? Or that's what I'm going to do, anyway. You guys can wait here if you want. I'll either come back or call from there to let you know what's happened."
"Oh no, we want to be with you!" Kristy stood up, dusting herself off. "You shouldn't have to face any of this by yourself."
But oddly, Lacey was beginning to think that was exactly what she wanted for just a little while: to have the luxury of either experiencing the joy of finding Adam without an audience, or to be able to break down and cry if she couldn't. Davy and her best friend had gotten her here safely, ensured that she'd eaten and slept when she needed to, and she was so grateful for that. She would come back to get them no matter what. But for now…
"You know, Kristy, I think maybe I do want to go by myself. 'll call a cab, go to the address, and just see what happens. Then I'll come back here or call you guys, if Adam's there, to come join us. But I think I want to face this part on my own."
Kristy studied her for a long time, and Davy dried his face with a towel that caused him to pull back, grimacing for a moment before tossing it down. He came over to join them again. "Lacey, you sure about that?"
"I am," she nodded confidently. "I promise. I just don't want you guys to be left behind in this disgusting room. Can you go to breakfast somewhere?"
"Already gotcha," Davy gave a thumbs up. "There's an IHOP across the street."
Taking a deep breath, Lacey called a cab to come get her. That gave her just enough time to use the complementary mouthwash and straighten out her ponytail. She barely had any makeup left on, but she simply wiped the dark, old mascara circles from under her eyes and let it alone. None of that stuff mattered when she was trying to make sure Adam was still alive.
It seemed to take the taxi ages to get to the hotel. Lacey stood out in the cool fall air, arms wrapped around herself as she watched Davy and Kristy head across the street to the IHOP, chatting and laughing the whole way. The two of them seemed to be in a bubble all their own right now and it got Lacey thinking. Even if she ever had the chance to see Adam again–and at this point, she couldn't just assume that she would–that sweet, simple adoration of each other with no thought for the future or one another's faults was lost to them. It had been the stuff of the early years of a relationship: the honeymoon period that can't last forever, and which she'd vowed never to be sucked so far into again. What she most wanted from Adam now was the opportunity for friendship.
A bright yellow van pulled up just then, and the driver's horn nearly blew her off her feet. Couldn't he see she was right there? Trying not to glare at him, Lacey slid open the back door and got inside, giving the driver Grandpa Greg's address.
Breathe in…I can handle this…
Breathe out…I can handle anything…
Breathe in…I can handle this…
Breathe out…I can handle anything.
If only she'd had access to Dr. Hemby before all this had happened. But then, what could Dr. Hemby say that she didn't already know? Lacey knew most of the tools now, the coping skills. The important thing was remembering to use them, moving through the initial doubt that they'll work "this time." But that was only her mind trying to trick her, she'd come to realize. She was always better off using the tools whether she felt like it or not.
And use them she did, all the way to Grandpa Greg's front door. It had taken a little while to get out there, as she soon discovered Grandpa Greg lived in a beautiful little neighborhood with a suburban feel called Dunes. However, the long, winding driveway–made of gravel–set the house with farmhouse charm slightly away from the rest of the houses. He apparently owned a lot of property as a big meadow lay behind with rolling knolls. It felt like another place entirely away from the bustle of Albany.
"Alright, here you are, Miss," the cabbie spoke, pulling up in front and jarring Lacey from her thoughts.
"Um…oh, okay." Lacey searched around for her belongings before realizing she'd only carried a purse. She got out as gracefully as she could while wrestling with the van door. As soon as she handed the cabbie money, he wasted no time in backing up and speeding down the driveway, slinging rocks and dirt everywhere in his haste.
Oh well. Clearly he had things to do. The only problem was what Lacey was going to do if no one was here. She'd neglected to ask him if he would wait. With her cell phone having long since died, there would be nothing to do but make the hike to another home nearby and ask to use theirs.
She felt sure that, were Adam here, he would have already opened the door and come out to her. But maybe…
Maybe he was still angry and didn't want to see her? Maybe he was in the back part of the house?
Lacey walked slowly, heart pounding, up the porch steps to the front door. Once there, she rang the doorbell and listened for footsteps.
There were none.
Feeling desperate, she tried the door, but it was locked. Walking around the house, she searched for another way in and noticed there was a pool in the backyard, closed up for the impending winter months ahead. That must mean there was a door back here somewhere. Indeed, there were sliding glass doors in the pool enclosure, but the problem was that there was a gate leading to the pool that was locked from the outside. Lacey searched yet again for another door, any door. As intrusive as she knew it was, she even attempted to peer through the windows. The blinds were open, but she could barely see inside for the glare of the waning sunlight. She looked up at the sky then, realizing from the look of the clouds that it would rain in short order.
But who cared? Lacey jogged around to the front door, feeling faint as she knocked, called out, and hit the doorbell a couple more times. He had to be here. It had been two days since the towers had been hit, and if he wasn't home, yet wasn't here, that would mean…
And what if…?
If it had happened, what on earth was there left to do?
Lacey suddenly felt as if a cannon had shot through her middle, leaving a gaping, bleeding hole.
It couldn't be. He couldn't be gone, just like that. He was in a hospital.
No, his mom would have been notified.
He was staying with another friend. But again, wouldn't his mom know? Lacey had used the hotel phone before leaving to both try Adam again, and then her mom. Her mother had said she'd heard nothing from Yvette Banks, despite Yvette's promise to let them know if she found out anything. And Lacey was very sure she would.
Her mind continued to sort through the what ifs briskly, only able to find enough credence in them to land on one:
What if he hadn't been far enough away from the disaster?
Oh.
Oh how Lacey's heart splintered into pieces so sharp she felt every single one and marveled that they didn't shoot out of her chest on all sides, piercing her skin and causing her to bleed to death. At this moment, she would welcome the fate.
Numbly, she sat down on the porch steps and stared up at the trees, up farther still as a flock of geese soared through the skies, making their presence known through a host of honking. They were leaving this place for somewhere better, warmer. Then Lacey propped her face in her hands and gazed off blankly at nothing in particular. And she stayed that way until the rain began to fall in great sheets.
She didn't even feel it.
/*/*/
It was raining.
Great, Adam thought as he gathered up as many bags of groceries as he could carry–made difficult by the fact that they were paper, not plastic–and made his way to the taxi that waited in front of the store for him. Grandpa Greg had, as was his habit, meticulously finished off everything in his refrigerator so as not to waste any of it before he left on his annual trip to Toronto to visit an old work buddy from his Madison Avenue days. Adam wasn't happy, in a way, that his grandpa's trip had coincided with the scariest few days of his life, but was also glad the man was preserved the constant reports of what was going on in his home state… or, well, the entire country. Although he figured that by now, the news had certainly reached him.
Adam could use a pair of arms to collapse into right now. He had remained stalwart as, upon wishing the girl named Sarah well, he had gone the next day to the train and bus stations to try to purchase a ticket to…well, anywhere. He'd told his mom he would try to find his way to Grandpa Greg's, because it would be a much shorter distance, yet close to school when and if classes resumed, but he would be willing to forego thinking about all those things if he could just make it home. But alas, all the modes of travel were backed up for hours, sometimes days, as people attempted to flee the area. Finally on Wednesday night, it was fortuitous that a family had backed out of taking a bus up north because they had been waiting on other family who hadn't shown up yet. They came around the line, offering their tickets for free, and Adam felt a little guilty upon greedily reaching for one without even giving the businessman standing next to him on the phone a chance to claim it. Hopefully there would be another chance for the man. Adam had to be selfish right now in a situation where one had to look out for themselves, and he was going to get out of there. He had already allowed a mother with two little girls to skip him in line earlier.
He'd only traveled by bus once when he was a young child. Adam winced at the thought of how carsick he was going to be, just as he had been then. But he would barf in his bare hands if he had to. Having second thoughts about that, though, he'd paused while boarding the bus to ask the driver politely if he had a sick bag. The driver peered at him strangely for a moment, sighing as if he didn't have time to fool with Adam, but reached down beside him fished out fwo airplane-lookalike barf bags. Adam took them both and continued on down the aisle as he heard someone murmur behind him, "Preppy kid."
Well, he wanted to turn around and assure them, there was nothing preppy about throwing up on a bus. Fortunately though, by staring straight ahead, not allowing himself to lean over to fall asleep, and keeping his mind focused on other things, he managed to make it to the Albany Greyhound station without even being so much as nauseated. He'd made it safely to Grandpa Greg's shortly thereafter, spending the rest of the day sleeping, watching classic movies, and eating ice cream, which was the only thing worth eating he found in the freezer.
His joints were none too happy about the stress, the jostling of the bus, and the consumption of so much sugar, either. So Adam had taken a hot shower and gone to bed, then promptly in the morning headed out to the grocery store to shop for something to better sustain himself on. He took a cab, having much preferred his own transportation, but his grandfather had hung up his keys earlier in the year and sold his car, realizing his days behind the wheel were over. His eyesight was too poor.
Adam's taxi ride home from the grocery store was uneventful until the car turned at the top of the gravel driveway. That's when it suddenly occurred to Adam that he'd forgotten to go by the closest Nextel store to pick up another phone charger. His parents knew to try him at Grandpa Greg's home number, but if anyone else…
Lacey…
…Had wanted to reach him, they wouldn't be able to.
Well, he reasoned, if she really wanted to go through the trouble to do that, she'd have called his mother and asked for the number. But, apparently she hadn't. And the realization had hurt.
"Looks like you got somebody waiting up there for you," the cabbie announced as he wound his way down the driveway. "Soaking wet by the looks of it. Wonder why she didn't just wait on the porch?"
Adam furrowed his brow, looking out the window at what the cab driver was talking about. His heart nearly came to an abrupt halt inside of his chest.
The driver barely put the car in park in front of the house before Adam clamored to unlock and open the back car door, standing there in the pouring rain, just staring.
There sat Lacey, her hair plastered to her head in a brown mop, wearing a drenched Weezer sweatshirt and jeans. She stared back at him, blinking.
"Lacey," he tried to call out to her, but his voice came in only a whisper. He didn't even bother to close the backdoor of the cab before he found himself racing toward her as she began to take a few wobbly steps toward him. He skidded to a halt just in time not to plow her over, but to take her in his arms tightly, squeezing her as hard as he could without crushing her.
"Adam," she whispered in his ear, causing him to pull back enough to look into her eyes.
Those same, hooded brown eyes he'd lost himself in countless times.
And, apparently unable to help herself, she leaned up and kissed him. First on the bridge of his nose. Then on his cheek, and then his lips, which were oh-so-ready for the contact. He continued the kiss, drinking deeply of it until she pulled back suddenly.
"I thought you were dead," she let out a sob. "But…but you aren't. You made it here, and you're okay." Lacey began to cry freely.
"No, I'm here. Everything's all right, I'm here." He held her close as though he could shield her from the downpour.
"Hey!"
Adam turned back to see the cab driver sticking his head out the window, looking none too happy at being hit by the deluge as he called out, "You forgot your bags. And I need my cash!"
"O-Oh… hold on, I'll be right back. Go wait on the porch," he nudged Lacey before racing back to the car to load his arms with grocery bags. "Sorry."
He would gladly have tossed his entire wallet at the cab driver just to save time, but he pulled out a twenty and handed it up, having to maneuver his bags. "This work?"
"Absolutely," the driver grinned. "Thanks for that."
Adam carried the bags as quickly as he could to the front porch where Lacey was waiting. He set the bags down for a moment to reach into his pocket, fumbling with shaky fingers to find Grandpa Greg's key, leaving the groceries outside temporarily to let Lacey in. He closed the door behind them.
"Hold on, I have a towel," he informed her before running upstairs, feeling the rain run off of him onto Grandpa Greg's meticulously vacuumed carpet, seen to by his trusty old housekeeper from back when his grandmother was still alive. He grabbed two towels, hastily drying himself before dashing back downstairs and instinctively reaching to enfold Lacey's locks of hair into the fluffy cotton. He worked to gently squeeze the water out of them and tousle them dry, then handed the towel to her to finish drying off. Adam knew he needed to move back a bit and give her space, but all he wanted to do in that moment was slip his arms around her waist and repeat the kiss they'd just shared in the rain. But just as he took a step back, she took one forward and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him back into a desperate hug. He brought an arm up, rubbing her back.
The two of them stood still for probably five minutes, not speaking. Adam had to fight a war against the deluge that was pricking the back of his eyes. How he wanted to bury his face in her hair and sob; but even around Lacey, he was still shy about his oft-ready tears.
"Lacey," he whispered into her hair. "I'm fine. I'm right here. And I'm not going anywhere, at least for a few days."
Lacey finally pulled back, her nose turned red from all her crying. "I got your message after I left class. And I tried calling you back, but I think your phone was dead, so I decided to come here to check on you, because I called your mom and she said you were coming here…" her words tumbled out over top of one another.
"Hey." He rubbed over her arms. "You're freezing cold. How long were you out there?"
Lacey numbly shook her head. "I-I don't know…"
"Let's run you a hot shower. Come on." He gently tugged her hand, and she obediently followed him up the stairs.
"I got here, and I couldn't get into any of the doors or see through any windows, so I just sat down and…waited. For a miracle? For the strength to get up and call another cab?" She began to talk as he led her into Grandpa Greg's room.
"There will be plenty of time for us to talk about it, okay?" he interrupted gently, noticing how she was beginning to shake. "For right now, let's just focus on the shower. Um…" he looked around. "I can wash your clothes, but meanwhile I can give you one of my tshirts. It would probably be long enough to be like a gown." Adam knew there was no way his athletic pants would fit her. As soon as she would attempt to pull them up around her waist, they would surely fall back down. But he had a shirt with him that he knew for a fact would come down to her knees.
Adam gathered more towels and turned on the shower, then came back in with the shirt and a pair of boxers, which again would be too wide in the waist, but would just have to work for now.
"Okay. Just throw your towels over there," he pointed to the corner. "And I'll make some hot coffee. Take your time." He averted his eyes from hers. In the old days, talk of taking a shower was nothing–they'd taken a few together during their time as a couple. But now things were different, and he didn't want her to think he was being inappropriate. After all, he was pretty sure the kiss in the driveway was simply a knee-jerk reaction for them both. The task at hand, for him, was to take good care of her and make her comfortable after all she had gone through to be sure he was safe. And if that's all that ever happened again between the two of them, it was enough. Because it showed him exactly how much she still cared.
"Thank you. I'll hurry, and…OH!" Her eyes flew open wide. "Davy and Kristy!"
"Huh?"
"They came with me! They're at a Comfort Inn close to here, and I told them I'd call when I knew you were safe. Can you call Kristy's phone for me?"
"Uh…sure. It's good you had people come with you." He said it, and it was true, for her sake. But part of him also felt slightly disappointed that there would be other people around them this weekend. There was no way he'd leave Davy and Kristy at the Comfort Inn when his grandpa had a couple of perfectly good rooms here. He went over to Grandpa Greg's desk and pulled out a piece of his thick, refined stationary paper and a pen. "What's the number?"
He scrawled it on the paper as Lacey called it out to him.
"You want I should also call your parents?"
"Yes!" Lacey pushed the bathroom door just to a crack, but called out to Adam. "Please do. Tell them I promise I'll call them in a little while, I'm just needing to kind of have some time…"
Adam nodded to himself, picking up the phone next to Grandpa Greg's bed to begin making calls. He reached Kristy and offered to send a cab to fetch her and Davy. Kristy seemed overjoyed that he'd been found, and that Lacey was okay.
The call to Darlene and Stuart was a much different experience.
"She's there?" Darlene inquired impatiently before Adam could finish his explanation. "She just sat out there waiting for you?"
"W-Well, only for a little while. I think. My phone's still dead and I was out buying groceries–"
"Well Adam, that was thing number one. You should have gotten a charger from the Nextel store. Then she wouldn't have had to sit out there and wait in the rain."
As usual, Darlene's words bit into him. There were times he wanted to buck against her so badly and let her know exactly how she could make him feel. After all, he'd dated her daughter for three years and, as far as he could recollect, had done nothing to earn the verbal lashings she often gave. Then again, Lacey's mother talked to her own kids that way, so maybe it was kind of a twisted honor…?
The woman remained an anomaly to Adam. "Yes ma'am, I know," he found himself replying, meek as a sheep.
"And you're sure you're okay?" Her tone softened, which soothed Adam's ruffled feathers a bit. "All things considered?"
"Yeah, I'm okay," he replied simply. "I'm just staying through Sunday, and I'll be sure Lacey's safely on the train back before I go."
Suddenly he heard a stereo in the background begin blaring Talk Talk's "It's My Life."
"Oh, God's sake, Stuart!" Darlene called out so loudly Adam winced. "This is not the time for a dance party!"
"'Ey Adam! We're rootin' fer ye, Son! Stay safe!"
Adam had to smile at the sound of the man's voice. It was followed by a chorus from the twins, calling out their own greetings. He missed everything about this family, and wished…
"That man has the worst timing," Darlene groaned. "But the girls have boys over, and I think he's out to test them. One's passing, I think. The other needs a little more work."
Adam wondered briefly if this was a test of their dancing skills or something bigger. But hearing Lacey open the bathroom door pressed him to hurry and end the phone call.
"They're glad we're okay," he informed her, pressing the end button on the phone after he and Darlene had said their goodbyes. "Call when you can. Oh, and a cab is bringing Kristy and Davy. She said she'd bring your bag with her."
"Good. Thank you for doing that."
Adam had to keep his eyes trained on hers in order not to let them wander over her body. Not necessarily in a lustful way; it's just that he found it so adorable to see her tiny form in his oversized Violets sweatshirt, her feet in a pair of Grandpa Greg's old slippers. Homely though they were, Lacey could make anything look cute.
He could feel the trace of a small smile making its way to his lips as he stood facing her. "You ready for coffee?"
"Coffee? Ready? You know I was born that way," she grinned, winking.
"Okay, well let's go sit you down in front of the fireplace. I'll light it for you, then hook you up." Adam led the way back downstairs, taking the long lighter from the kitchen drawer and coming back into the living room to strike the flint. The fireplace soon glowed with life.
Lacey watched, mesmerized, as she grabbed one of Grandpa Greg's multiple throws and bundled up in it.
Adam went back to the kitchen and made her coffee, an art he had perfected during the time he'd been in college. He brought it to her in the nicest mug he could find.
"You're so sweet," she smiled up at him. "Thank you. Come, sit." She opened the blanket and invited him to crawl in beside her, which he did. He wasted no time snuggling in to her, grateful for the close proximity, and slowly began to feel like he could fall asleep–for the first good time in days. Lacey rested her head on his shoulder as they watched the fire for awhile.
Adam had spent two days thinking about the horrors of what he saw on Tuesday. It wasn't voluntary–the images just weren't going away. People jumping, looking like tiny action figures being tossed from a plastic tower. Only, this was a skyscraper, and these were actual human lives. Ending so haphazardly.
He'd still been watching when the burning towers collapsed. Something in his very soul had done the same thing, and the screams all around him shot him through the heart. Debris rained down everywhere, and even though he was far enough away from it not to get hit, he saw people who did. As he made his way through some of the rubble a little while later to try to sort out which direction to go in–and by then, there were plenty of government officials and firemen barking orders about where and when to go, despite appearing confused themselves–he remembered seeing an overturned baby stroller close to the wreckage. Had the baby been hit? What about the mother? Was the stroller here now because the infant had been grabbed by its parent and taken out of the way of danger? That's what Adam chose to believe, anyway.
But the picture of that stroller lingered. How he wished he could get it out of his head. He wanted to tell Lacey all about it, but he wasn't sure the words would come. Even for her. Yet there were still plenty of tears left to be shed.
"Adam?" Lacey whispered, and he suddenly realized she was watching him as he stared into the crackling fireplace.
"Hmm?" It was all he had the energy to respond with.
"Talk to me. Tell me about it. You need to get it out." Lacey reached to pull him closer to her, and he complied with the action. "Where were you when it happened?"
Adam opened his mouth to speak. It was a simple enough question. But somehow he couldn't, just as he feared. He swallowed, but when he opened his mouth again, his eyes began to spill tears in a way that made him feel the loss of control you sometimes feel when vomiting. He could try to cup his hands over his eyes, but the tears were going to come out, maybe harder.
"Oh. Oh, Adam, I'm so sorry," Lacey held him for a moment before she shifted to allow him to rest his head on her blanketed lap. The minute his head touched the scratchy wool, the tears spilled out again in a second round, and he pressed his face into the blanket.
"I'm sorry," he managed to whimper to Lacey as he tried to pull it together.
"Don't. Don't you dare apologize." He felt her hand stroke through his hair, and he turned slightly to look at the fire, finally letting the tears have their way. He didn't hold back, wrenching them all out in just a matter of minutes–long minutes–where neither he nor Lacey spoke.
"Adam, you're traumatized," she said after a few minutes. "How have you held all of this in for two whole days? I mean, after the things you saw."
"I just had to keep going, I don't know," he murmured, utterly spent from so much sobbing. "Had to get to safety so I didn't make people worry. I still don't know what's happened to my dorm. I guess I should make some phone calls to people who stay there, but I only have a couple in my contacts, my phone's still dead, and part of me says hell no, I'm not going back."
"But you are. Don't quit school, Adam, not if it's still standing. You're so close to being finished."
"Yeah, and I gotta play one more good season for the Violets," he mused, closing his eyes. Her fingernails felt good on his scalp. "Gotta leave behind a good record, even if I've already landed a contract."
The air seemed to change immediately, and Adam opened his eyes. Lacey watched him a moment before supplying a ghost of a smile, one that spoke volumes to him: apparently she still had feelings about his hockey career, and not the good kind. A tiny flicker of anger burned in his heart for a few seconds. How could it be that the person he loved more than anyone else was so down on his dream? This was what had caused the trouble all along.
It didn't seem fair, especially because she hadn't even bothered to ask him about his experience being recruited and going through training camp. But Adam resolved to let it go and slow down on the hockey talk. He really wanted his time with Lacey to be perfect. Because after all this was over, she would go home, and…
Life would keep going. Life without her.
But would he be able to carry it off without turning to look back at her, at the life they'd lived the last few years and the one he had planned for? Of course he would, if he had to. Though, God, would it ever be excruciating.
Lacey returned to her gentle stroking. "You've worked so hard, Adam. You deserve for this next part of life to be everything you wanted it to be."
It was good of her to say so, though he could tell some effort had gone into the comment.
Would it cause an argument if he tried to coax out her bad feelings? Wanting to at least try, Adam turned slightly until he was on his back, staring up at her. She looked back down at him, smiling, and it was suddenly hard to open his mouth and drop words that might cause this moment to end. So, in a tender gesture that might be a little too familiar–but he absolutely couldn't resist–he reached up and tucked a strand of thick, dark hair behind her ear.
It was then that they heard a commotion on the porch as Kristy and Davy had apparently arrived with their own bags and Lacey's. Adam stood up before hesitating, catching sight of a certain yearning in her eyes. Had she been unsettled by the tension, too?
Resolving to assure her that all was still good between them though, he leaned down to brush his lips over her cheek.
/*/*/*/
The spot on her face where Adam kissed her still fairly tingled as Lacey forced herself up and out of the large, scratchy tartan blanket she'd been resting under. How much she wanted more time lying there with him in front of the fire. For the first time in a year, her heart felt welded back together.
But it would surely have to be temporary. His mention of his hockey career had ripped over an old scabbed over wound, sending Lacey a rush of terrible memories of hospitals, RA flairs and watching Adam collapse on the ice. Nothing had changed, and she couldn't do this again. They were going to spend the weekend cherishing their friendship and hopefully rebuilding some trust, but…that would be all.
She would have to keep her resolve strong in the face of temptation to level the walls she'd built around her heart last fall.
Davy and Kristy blustered through the front door carrying bags, one of which Adam took from Kristy. They were both drenched.
"Here," Lacey grabbed an extra towel Adam had brought down earlier and handed it to Kristy. "And Davy, yes, he has a great shower with good hot water."
"Ah thank God," Davy winced.
"There are four rooms. Let me show you guys where they are and you can pick where you want to stay tonight," Adam, ever the gracious host, spearheaded getting everyone settled and directing them toward the showers. Lacey had set her bag onto a bed in a room beside Kristy's, chuckling when Adam wandered in.
"I wonder how Grandpa Greg would feel about his house being invaded by college students while he's gone."
"Grandpa Greg would say the more the merrier," Adam smirked. "You know how he is. Speaking of which, allow me to do a great service by him and ask, do you have everything you need?"
Lacey turned back to him after setting her back in the corner, trying to ignore how his browline arch was such a perfect frame for his intense eyes, which were still red from his raw moment of crying earlier. "Um…I do," she smiled. "I just guess I should talk to you about how long we'll stay. Technically we could leave tomorrow, now that we know you're okay. Just…"
Just, I want to stay near you for awhile.
Adam apparently picked up on her train of thought. "Well if you don't have to worry about school tomorrow, you could go back Monday. That's what I'm doing, anyway."
"NYU is starting back classes that soon?" Lacey asked, surprised.
He nodded. "As of today, actually. But I knew I needed a break. You've taught me at least that much about taking care of myself," he offered a shy smile.
"Well that's a good thing then." Lacey retrieved her bag from where she had just set it and opened it, fidgeting with the things inside to keep her hands busy. "I'll see if they want to stay a little while and have a mini-vacation with you over here. Do you have board games?"
"Oh my gosh. Grandpa Greg is a game expert, so he has every one you can think of. There's also a DVD rental store around the corner. And one night if you wanted to have dinner…" but he seemed to catch himself. "...Yeah, there's restaurants, if you guys want to go one night. But I've become kind of a decent cook, so I could fix you anything you wanted. Mostly." Adam shifted.
"Gosh, thanks for all this. We came to check on you, and now you're having to host us," Lacey chuckled.
"It's a welcome distraction, believe me. Okay, so I guess I'll go check on the other two." He slowly backed toward the door.
"Sure thing." Lacey smiled and turned back to put her few things away, resolved to next call her parents. She had stayed pretty uninformed about the state of the country since finding out Adam might be in danger, so she supposed she should catch up on the news and make sure her mom and Stuart knew she truly was okay.
But first, Lacey sat down hard on the bed and took a deep breath. She needed to register all that had happened within the last twenty-four hours. Just then, however, Kristy appeared in the doorway.
"Mind if I come in?" her friend inquired.
"Not at all. I could use somebody to help me untangle my thoughts, actually."
Kristy was happy to oblige as always, and came to sit beside her. They were quiet for a few minutes before her friend broke the silence.
"Firefighters are still digging through the rubble. It's horrifying," Kristy whispered. "I can't even imagine the terrible things they'll never get out of their minds."
Lacey paused. "I'd like to go turn on the news, if that's okay. I really want to understand what this was all about."
With that, they went downstairs, and for the next little while watched as, on almost every channel, firefighters and emergency workers were shown digging through what looked like ash, drywall and glass. She knew that at this point they were searching for bodies–not live people.
Kristy reached over and took Lacey's hand at one point, squeezing it, tears falling down her cheeks. It was during this time of witnessing the aftermath of Tuesday with her own eyes, that Lacey fully digested what had happened. It was both scary and extremely sad. A big part of her felt guilty for having only focused on what she herself could have lost.
"Kristy," she began.
"Yeah?"
"Do you think those people had much time to think? Or did it just…happen? I mean I know there were some that jumped, but what about the others who were trapped?"
Kristy shook her head. "I don't know. But I do believe there had to be some kind of grace for them."
Sweet, positive, milk-and-honey Kristy.
Well, Lacey would buy it. Because to believe otherwise hurt her heart far too much.