WOLVERINE AND SPIDER-MAN RPG ISEKAI EPISODE 3 : BOKSEE THE RANGER
With the usual bustle of Boar Bramble filling its one street, Wyn made her way toward the library.
"When confronted by a cockatrice, what is the most important thing to remember?" read Spider-man.
Logan was reading an unrelated book. He didn't look up.
The two were sat in the upper story of the library. Like everything in Boar Bramble, it was small, but the library was well lit and it was clean.
"Wolvie," asserted Spider-man getting his attention.
"Huh?"
"Come on Logan. Work with me here. That was an easy one."
Wolverine moaned.
"Listen kid. I know you're into this book style learn'n but there ain't no point. Everything we're gonna need to learn we're gonna learn out in the field. You don't remember noth'n if you don't have to. Books are for enjoy'n, not learn'n."
"Well alright Mr. Reading Rainbow," said Spider-man a bit surprised. "That's not even true. Someone went out and learned in the field, then went through the trouble of writing it down so others could come behind him and have a shortcut. Books are like a condensed version of years of experience. Take advantage of it."
"You can't learn everything from books," said Logan flipping a page.
"You can't learn everything hands on."
"Like what?"
"The sciences. Sorry to tell you but there's no way to learn your periodic table without opening a book."
Logan snorted.
"And that's why I don't bother with none of that stuff. Ain't got a use for it."
"I'm just saying," argued Spider-man. "You want to learn as much as you can outside the field so that when you are in the field you can learn what can only be learned hands on instead of trying to learn everything at once. Isn't that why they have classroom portions in like boot camp or whatever?" he asked.
Logan looked up at him. He raised an eyebrow.
"Yah," he answered blandly. "And I always fuck'n hated it." Logan sighed. "Fine," he said holding out a hand. Spider-man happily gave him the book.
Logan flipped through the pages, landing on one for no particular reason.
"What two forms is a näcken most likely to assume when hunting?" he read off unenthusiastically.
"Oh! Oh! I know this one! He's either going to be a…"
"Hello gentlemen," said Wyn coming up the stairs behind them. "How goes your studying?"
"No Wyn!" cried Spider-man. "I just now got him started working with me!"
"Got some news for us tuts?" asked Logan immediately hopping up.
"No!"
"Boksee wants to see us in the guild," she said.
"Great! Can't get outta this place fast enough," said Logan already thumping down the stairs.
Spider-man sighed.
Throwing open the large doors, the three adventurers entered the busy guild hall.
"Ah, there you three are," boomed Boksee happily as they approached the long counter. "Guess who's got a quest?"
"Us?" asked Spider-man.
"You bet your pretty blue bottom."
The guild master held up a red sealed envelope. Wyn took it and the three went to a table.
"So, what is it?" asked Logan as the group sat.
"Not sure yet. I don't recognize the seal," she said before slicing it open.
"No, I mean, since when are quests in letters?"
"Oh, our party has been personally requested," she explained pulling out the letter.
"That a thing?"
"Yes. You can submit a quest to the guild directly, or you can go through the guild to request a specific party. The party doesn't have to accept but they are given the first choice."
She unfolded the beige parchment and began to read it over.
"What's the quest?" asked Spider-man. "Why'd they choose us?"
"Probably heard we kick ass," said Logan.
"Probably," agreed Wyn. "Well, this is interesting. It's a quest to recover and return a body from the Ashen woods."
"What‽" cried Spider-man.
"Don't worry. It's not fresh. The quest was submitted by the Strana Institute of Philosophy. The body is that of a famous, or rather infamous philosopher who went missing nearly forty years ago."
"Oh, so we're digging up a skeleton then?" clarified Spider-man skeptically.
"I'd say so."
"And we're sure he's not a zombie or something?"
"I highly doubt it. Not even undead flesh lasts that long," she replied casually.
"But that was a possibility at one point," he asked pointing.
"Well, that sounds impossible," interrupted Logan. "Body was probably eaten by animals decades ago."
"They say any bone that they can positively identify as belonging to him, as well as the exact coordinates of the discovery, will suffice for the basic payment," said Wyn reading the letter. "Each additional bone and coordinate will increase the pay by two copper coins for a maximum possible payment of fifty gold coins."
"How many bones we talking about?" asked Logan.
"Two-hundred and six," said Spider-man.
They both looked at him.
"Is that true?" asked Wyn.
"That's how many bones are in the adult human body. He was human right?"
"Actually he was a dwarf, but it's probably the same. Spider-man, it's seems you've really been studying."
"I already knew that," he said shrugging. "So, the Ashen Woods? I think we've been there," he continued back on topic. "The trees there are all twisty and kind of grey right? Lots of mushrooms?"
"That's right," said Wyn. "The creatures there are higher levels than those that can be found in the Nehfar forest, and there are far more dark creatures. What were you two doing in there?"
"It's complicated," grunted Logan. "Any case, probably a good idea to head back in there."
"What, why?" asked Spider-man. "Ooohh. Oh yah. Now that we've got our feet under us, we should probably go back there to look around."
"Is there a reason?" asked Wyn.
"Personal business," said Logan bluntly.
"Well, just keep your priority on the mission and keep your wits about you. The Ashen is no joke."
"No kidding. The last time we were in there we got attacked by a tree," said Spider-man. "We just barely escaped that thing."
Wyn looked at him, then she looked at Wolverine. Then she choked.
"Wait…" she snickered having to put a hand over her mouth. "You guys lost to an awakened tree?"
Spider-man and even Wolverine both went wide eyed. Then they turned red.
"We-we didn't lose!" sputtered Spider-man. "When I say we 'barely escaped'…"
"Fancy language!" shouted Logan. "We tactically retreated."
"Yah!"
"No use waste'n energy on a fuck'n tree!"
"Exactly!"
Wyn was laughing so hard her armor was rattling.
Other adventurers stopped to watch.
"Wow! Phew! Ha…huh," she said finally calming down. "Actually, now that I think about it, it does make sense you two struggled with an awakened tree." She cleared her throat to recompose herself. "They're resistant to blunt and piercing damage, and like I said, creatures in the Ashen Woods are high level."
"Yah, that'll do it," said Logan bitterly.
"Next time, just throw some fire at it," said Wyn. "I guess this is why you two are only steel rank."
Spider-man returned from a short walk down and handed Logan some food as they continued to talk.
"Oh good news by the way," said Wyn. "I heard last night Copo tried to steal a wagon but he overloaded it with cargo. He broke down on the southern road."
"And how is that good news?" asked Spider-man taking a bite.
"Because he was eaten by wild boars," said Wyn happily.
The men both went wide eyed.
Spider-man put down his pork sandwich.
"Anyway, this is a pretty high paying quest considering we're a steel ranked party," said Wyn returning her attention now that Spider-man was back.
"Heaven knows we need the money," grumbled Logan.
"Usually, you should at least be a sapphire to accept a quest in the Ashen Woods. I have a hunch the institute knows who we are and saw a good value in our party. After all, even a high paying steel quest isn't as high as a sapphire quest. Still, at least they're up front about it this time."
"Oh great, we're the underpaid interns of adventurers," said Spider-man.
Logan cleared his gravely throat.
"That is what is referred to as the top hoe," he mocked in an overexaggerated teacher like explanation. "Makes the least money. Closest to being slapped," he added on punching his palm.
"It seems Logan has his own wealth of knowledge," said Wyn raising an eyebrow.
"Yah and I don't want to know how he comes about acquiring it," said Spider-man unimpressed.
"Hands on experience, bub. Duh."
"Oh, so you were a cheap hoe."
Logan's face dropped. Before he had a chance to retort Wyn interrupted.
"The problem is," said Wyn reading over the parchment for the umpteenth time. "This quest might actually be too difficult for us.
Logan and Spider-man both turned to her surprised.
"Really?" asked Spider-man.
"The Ashen Woods is no joke. You two are skilled fighters and I may be a silver rank, but none of us are skilled in wilderness. The closest we have is Wolverine and he doesn't even have the knowledge to defeat an awakened tree."
Logan folded his arms with a huff.
"We don't have anything from the body so there's nothing for Logan to get a scent from to track it."
"Bones that old don't got much scent anyways."
She nodded.
"And none of us have other tracking skills do we?" she asked.
They both shook their heads.
"A little, but not much. I can usually just smell 'em out," said Logan. "'Specially nothing that'll help us find forty-year-old bones."
"I know about diddly-squat about bone hunting," said Spider-man.
Wyn folded their letter and put it in her satchel.
"If we're going to take this quest, we're going to need to recruit another party member."
She pulled out her scroll notes.
"Our party has no magic and little support," she said reading them over. "But we can work on that later. More pressingly, our party is in need of wilderness skill, tracking, and we could definitely use more long-range offense. What we need, gentlemen, is a ranger."
"And that is what, exactly?" asked Logan.
"A ranger is an adventurer who specializes in archery and short blades. They're fast, agile, and deal mostly with animals, wilderness, trap detection, and tracking. They're a pretty common adventurer class so it shouldn't be too hard to find one. Though, they are usually found out in the field rather than in town."
"You thought Spider-man was one didn't you?" asked Logan unimpressed.
Wyn looked up shocked.
"Uh, well, only for a moment," she said defensively. "It was in the consideration."
"I hate the wilderness," said Spider-man.
"Anyway…" continued Wyn. "This sounds like it's going to be a multi-day quest so if we take it we'll need to make sure you guys have camping gear. I also need to set up the arrangements for searching for our new party member," said Wyn standing. She was looking particularly pleased.
Logan raised an eyebrow but stood as well.
"I think I'm gonna go get someth'n different to eat," he said.
"Me too," said Spider-man.
"What? Was something wrong with the pork this morning?" asked Wyn oblivious.
"Just lost my appetite for it tuts."
As they turned to leave, Spider-man heard someone call out his name.
"Spider-man," someone called. "Spider-man. Wait up son."
He stopped and turned as Wolverine and Wyn continued toward the door. Boksee was calling him from the counter. He headed over to meet him.
"What's up?"
"Ah, you know son," said the guild master stroking his braided beard. "You made an awful mess of my doors last night."
"I did?"
"Yes. With your web spider gunk or whatever it is."
"Oh, um, sorry?"
"Yes, well, I heard it from some reliable sources that you're a pretty acrobatic fellow."
"Yah?"
"Well…I'm in a bit of a predicament. I was wondering if you might do your old guild master a favor."
"Um, what's the predicament?"
"That," said Boksee pointing straight up.
Spider-man looked up. About twenty feet above them was a collection of large taxidermized heads of mostly animals Spider-man didn't recognize. On the largest one, some monstrous horned thing, there were the remains of some sort of crustacean the size of a cat strewn across it.
"Is that a mud crab‽" cried Spider-man in disbelief.
"Yah…"
"Again‽ How did another one get up there?"
Boksee shrugged innocently.
"The last time I tried to clean up a crab from up there I almost killed myself," he continued. "A fat, one-armed clod like me and ladders don't mix."
"So… you want me to clean your taxidermy?" asked Spider-man unsure.
"I would be ever so grateful. You'd be doing the guild a great service. Especially since I'm so tired after cleaning up your web for so long last night."
"Oh no," said a smug voice.
Wyn strutted up behind Spider-man with a smirk in her eye.
"Boksee," she said. "He is an adventurer. If you want him to do something for you, you need to submit it as a formal quest."
"What‽" boomed the guild master.
"Isn't that what you told me? I'm pretty sure it is. I'm pretty sure you told me those exact words when I was asking around for help with that bandit camp."
Boksee huffed then moaned annoyed.
"Fine!" he yanked out a piece of paper and quickly scribbled down the 'quest'. Clean Mud Crab from Taxidermy. How much you want for it?"
"Uhh… ten copper coins?" said Spider-man.
"Make it eight," said Boksee.
"Spider-man don't you dare! Don't you dare take that quest for less than fifteen!" commanded Wyn.
"I don't know the currency!" cried Spider-man confused.
"Fine, ten," said Boksee.
Wolverine returned to the guild. He had lost Wyn and Spider-man somewhere along the way, but he had gotten his pasty so whatever.
He threw open the doors and entered while taking a bite. There was a crowd of adventurers and even regular villagers gathered at the back of the hall.
Logan grunted.
What was this about?
He spotted Wyn in the crowd.
"What's going on," he grumbled walking up to meet her.
She chuckled.
"Oh, just the most interesting cleaning anyone has ever seen," she said gazing upwards. Actually, the entire group was.
Logan looked up.
"Blow me down then blow me back up again!" cried Boksee. "I thought being called the Spider-man was just a title!"
Spider-man was casually hanging upside down from the ceiling, his feet clasped around a web line as he washed the fur of some trophied animal with a large bristly brush.
Logan's face fell into utter bland bewilderment.
"Why?" he demanded exasperated.
Wyn covered her laughing mouth.
"Because I put in a quest to clean a mud crab from the taxidermy," said Boksee proudly.
"How'd you get another one up there‽" Logan barked.
Before Boksee had a chance to answer, a bucket descended slowly in front of them on a web line.
"Hey, can someone get me some more soapy water?" called down Spider-man. "This one's all full of crab guts."
Wyn chuckled.
"It's your quest," she called back.
Spider-man groaned then flipped down from the ceiling onto the floor.
The crowd gasped and then clapped in amusement.
Spider-man picked up his bucket sourly.
"How do you even get a crab exploded like that anyway," he grumbled under his breath as he went off to find a spigot.
Spider-man found a pump outside. Holding his face away from the stench, he leaned over and started emptying the filthy crab water down the drain.
"Oh no," said a voice.
Spider-man looked up.
A woman was standing beside him looking down at the bucket with disdain.
"Don't tell me the guild master got you to clean a mud crab out of the taxidermy," she said concerned.
"Well, he's paying me for it."
"Is he now?" she said surprised. "Blow me down, what did you do to the poor ol' bugger to get money out of him?"
"Asked?"
She laughed.
Spider-man stood to his full height and looked the woman down. She was…short. Very short. Shorter than Wolverine even. Her head only came up to his diaphragm.
"He's tried to get me to do it but after the fifth crab I said I wasn't doing it anymore. He would have to clean his own crabs," she said.
"How do they keep getting up there‽" Spider-man exclaimed.
The woman just shook her head.
As she did Spider-man noticed she had small, pointed ears to either side of her head.
"So, I haven't seen you around here before," she continued. "Sweet outfit. When'd you get in?"
A few days ago.
"Ah, I just now got back into town. That explains it. I'm Boksee," she said throwing out a hand.
"Boksee?" said Spider-man genuinely confused. "I thought the guild master was…"
"He's my dad," she quickly explained. "I'm… Boksee Junior," she said almost rolling her eyes.
"Oh…"
Spider-man looked her over. Yah, he could see it. Besides being extremely short, she did look a lot like the original Boksee. She had the same cinnamon eyes and hair, but hers was pulled back in a pair of braided buns. She also had a very stout build. Not 'fat' per say…just very…squat. She was also very gifted in the feminine features.
She was stacked. She was absolutely stacked.
"So, um," said Spider-man putting a hand behind his head. "I'm not trying to insult you or anything but…uh…are you a dwarf?"
She sighed.
"No, but I get that a lot. Firstly, if I was dwarven I'd only be a half-dwarf since, as you know, my dad is man."
Spider-man could believe Boksee might have been a dwarf.
"Secondly, my ma's not a dwarf. She's a halfling. I'm a half halfling."
"You're a three-fourths-ling!" cried Spider-man excitedly.
"I am not… Actually, I guess that's kind of true."
She punched him in the side of the ribs.
"Ow! Why do people keep punching me?"
"Because you keep saying things to get you punched," said Wolverine as he and Wyn walked up.
"You were taking so long we thought you might have fallen down the well," said Logan cheekily.
"You know that's not a problem for me," said Spider-man offended.
"Who's this?" he asked spotting Boksee Junior.
"I should ask the same of you Barbarian," she said happily putting her hands to her hips.
"Hello," said Wyn. "You're Boksee's daughter right?"
"That's right. And you're Arianwyn, the silver rank of Boar Bramble. Who are these steels?"
"This is the Wolverine and the Spider-man. They're my new party."
"Teaming up with steels? You took them before me?" she asked genuinely hurt.
"Oh, you're an adventurer?" asked Spider-man politely.
"Tag," said Logan bluntly pointing at her chest. "Pay attention would ya?"
Sure enough, a green pendant was tucked above her…um…plentiful endowment. Spider-man also finally noticed a full quiver and a small bow on her back.
"We've never really met before," said Wyn answering Boksee Junior.
"I helped you clear out a bandit camp."
Wyn's eyes went wide.
"Oh, sorry," she stuttered.
"Why are you working with steels?" asked Boksee. "Especially when you wouldn't lower yourself to a lowly emerald like me?"
"I never said that," said Wyn looking to the side.
"It was heavily implied."
"Well, if you must know, we formed a party because these two, even though they're new to adventuring, are extremely skilled combatants. They earned those steel ranks on their first day of adventuring."
"What‽" cried Boksee. "You're joking! My dad was willing to move you two ranks in one day?"
"Yep," said Logan. "Impressed darl'n?"
"Well blow me down, they must be good for Dad to do that. It's like pulling teeth to get that man to rank up adventurers."
"No kidding," said Wyn. "Of course, it might be easier if you're the guild master's daughter," she said neutrally.
"What‽" snapped Boksee. "I'm still an emerald rank if you haven't noticed. How much of a worthless adventurer do you think I am to get bumped up to emerald? I worked my ass off to get this tag. My father evaluates me harder than any other adventurer! He expects the best from his own flesh and blood."
Wyn baulked.
"Wyn, you stepped on a land mine," said Spider-man quietly.
"She stepped in it alright," grunted Logan.
"I apologize. I'm sorry I offended you," said the silver rank courtly.
Boksee huffed.
"Here it is then," said Boksee Senior placing a small sack of coins on the counter. "Ten copper coins for a quest well done."
Spider-man took it.
"Yah, I'm not doing that again, not unless you tell me how the crabs are getting up there."
"Well…Junior!" exclaimed the guild master excitedly as his daughter walked in.
"Hey Dad," she said smiling. "I see you got someone else to clean up one of your crabs."
"And he did a better job than you ever have."
"Well, he better since you actually paid him."
"He put on a whole little show for us and everything."
"Uhh…no I didn't," said Spider-man a little sour. "That was just the easiest position to clean in."
The Boksees both laughed a hearty laugh as Spider-man stood there dead panned.
Yep. Those two were related.
"Oh, hey Boksee, uh, Boksee Junior," said Spider-man. "I wanted to ask. You don't happen to be a ranger do you?"
"I sure am."
"Oh cool! Perfect! We were just talking about how our party needed a ranger. Wyn said we need more long-range offense and wilderness skill, whatever that means."
"Really?" she said surprised but excited.
"Yah."
"Well, you won't find a better ranger in Boar Bramble than Junior here," said Boksee Senior. "And I'm not just saying that 'cause she's mine."
"Yah I know. You failed me the ruby rank."
"My own daughter not knowing the fourteen signs of lycanthropy‽ I've been talking about those since you were around my ankles!"
"You talk about a lot of things!"
"Speaking of lycanthropes. Watch yourself around this one," said Boksee Senior throwing a thumb. "The Spider-man here is some sort of man, spider aberration or what not."
"Woah, really?" asked Boksee Junior turning to Spider-man.
"Well, that's one way to put it," he grumbled slightly offended.
"You don't look like a spider."
"Because that's the man part. In fact, I'm mostly the man part. I stick to walls, make web, it's not weird."
"It's super weird," whispered Boksee Senior putting up his hand to shield his mouth.
Boksee junior giggled as her dad huffed proudly. Spider-man just huffed.
"Anyway… so what about you? Were you a ranger too?" asked Spider-man to Boksee Senior.
"Me? Oh no. I was just your classic bucket-headed fighter, but Junior here took a fancy to the quick footed forest types and I couldn't be prouder."
"Even though most people say I don't have the body type for it. I'm built like a barrel," said Boksee Junior. "I get that from him."
Boksee Senior laughed.
"It's true. Ma should've named me Barrely."
"Ha, barely," said Spider-man dryly.
Boksee Junior chuckled. "You're odd. I like you. Are you sure Ms. Paladin would actually want me in the party?"
"Well, we need a ranger and you're the highest ranking one around right?"
"That's right."
"Well then why wouldn't we want you? You're higher ranked than Logan and me."
"Whose Logan?"
"Oh Wolverine. His real name's Logan."
"I see. What's your real name?"
"Oh, uh…" Spider-man thought and then looked around. Finally, he leaned down and whispered in her ear. Boksee Senior tried to lean in to hear too.
"What's the big deal about that?" asked Junior as he stood.
"Just don't tell Logan."
Spider-man and Boksee Junior walked back outside to meet Logan and Wyn.
"Get your payment?" asked Wyn.
"Yep," said Spider-man. "Hey guys. Boksee Junior's a ranger, and the highest ranked one in Boar Bramble. It's perfect," he said presenting her with his hands.
"Oh," said Logan somewhere on the spectrum of approval. "That was easy. Problem solved."
Wyn didn't look as thrilled.
"Well…" she started unsure. "We'll probably need to look around…"
"I already added her to our party," said Spider-man.
"And you couldn't have asked us first?" she asked annoyed.
Logan chuckled. Apparently, it amused him when someone else was on the other end of Spider-man's idiocy.
"You said we needed a ranger. She's the highest ranked ranger in town. What's the problem?" asked Spider-man.
Boksee put her hands on her hips.
Wyn sighed.
"There's no problem," she said suddenly defeated. "I was just hoping we could go about recruiting a new party member a little more professionally this time." She sighed again. "Well, if Boksee would like to join us, her rank and class qualifies her for the position. We'd be happy to work with you if you would like to join us," she said extending a hand.
Boksee took it.
"It'd be my pleasure Paladin. And maybe after this you'll actually remember who I am."
Logan chuckled deviously as Wyn blushed red.
"So, what kind of quest are we talking about?" asked Boksee as the group took a table. The guild hall was still bustling in the morning hours with adventurers taking quests, and like them, planning out strategies.
"We've been hired by the Strana Philosophy Society to find and recover the body of Sigmondus," answered Wyn.
"Really‽" Boksee asked excited by the prospect. "The crazy philosopher guy?"
"Yes. Isn't it incredible that we'll be a part of history?"
"Yah, and the village is going to get an absolute kick out of this! Is the society in the capital?"
"The closest chapter will be sending a team to rendezvous with us so they can transport the bones properly."
"Oh good, they actually have their own wagon," said Spider-man. "By the way. You've mentioned Strana a couple of times. Where is that?"
The women both made faces.
"Um…here," said Wyn. "You're in Strana. It's the name of the country."
"Oh, ok."
"Um…" said Boksee.
"We ain't from around here," said Wolverine.
"How do you end up in a country you don't even know the name of?" she asked utterly bewildered.
"It's complicated," he and Spider-man said in unison.
"Uh, anyway. Yah. I believe I have the skills to help us locate the remains," continued Boksee. "I will need as much information about him as we've got, as well as his last known whereabouts."
"Right here," said Wyn unloading a stack of tomes and scrolls onto the table with a thunk. "I already hit up the library."
"Good man," said Boksee unrolling a map.
She looked up at the party.
"So just to be clear, it looks like we've got a paladin, a barbarian, a ranger, and a…" she looked at Spider-man. "Rogue?"
"Uh no," he answered.
She looked over his blue robe and brightly colored clothing, putting a hand to her chin.
"Mage?"
"Ehhh…"
"He don't got no class. He's just Spider-man," said Wolverine.
"Of course he has a class!" snapped Wyn. "We just…haven't figured out what it is…yet"
"An adventurer without a class. Blow me down," muttered Boksee.
"I just don't conform to your rigid preconceptions," said Spider-man at Wyn.
"So, how in blue blazes are we supposed to find a forty-year-old dead guy anyway?" asked Logan. "I don't care how good a tracker you are, footprints ain't gonna last that long. The blasted body ain't even gonna last that long."
"Well lucky for you this ranger isn't just a tracker. I've developed skills in divination. We'll find the body using this."
Boksee pulled a macrame talisman from her pouch. It was a series of sticks tied together with woven string, fur and tassels.
"This is an amulet of the seeker," she explained. "They're made by druids but us rangers can use them too if we develop the right stats. Basically, we can use it to dowse for one specific item or creature within oh… roughly twenty-five miles or so, so we'll need to get into Ashen before we begin."
"That's incredible," said Spider-man. "Any item?"
"Any item you want, but it only works once. I've been saving it for a special occasion."
"I'm glad you did," said Wyn.
Boksee stretched open the map across the table. After scanning over it she started laying out a plan.
"We're gonna want to spend as little time in the Ashen Woods as possible. I suggest we take the north road until we hit the eighth marker," she said standing on a bench and leaning over to point. "Then cut through the Nehfar Forest to the west. That will lead us right into the center of the Ashen woods."
"Sounds logical," said Spider-man.
"Mm," agreed Wyn.
"How far's the eighth marker?" asked Logan looking over the map.
"About thirty miles," said Boksee.
"And we're gonna have to walk the entire way, ain't we?" he said, his face falling.
"Afraid so," said Wyn.
"Fuck, I miss my bike."
"Oh, who's complaining now?" asked Spider-man.
"This is my first time. I'm allowed."
"I think it'd be best to cut the trek into two days and camp out over the night," said Boksee.
"I agree," said Wyn. "It'd be best not to be too tired before we even reach the quest."
"There's also going to be a lot of hiking in the woods the second day as well right?" asked Spider-man.
Boksee nodded.
"Possibly a third day."
Spider-man sighed.
"Yah, a break sounds good. You know Wolverine needs his nap."
Logan just gave him a look.
Spider-man was passed out on the ground, snoring loudly.
"I thought he was joking about the nap," said Wyn.
They were sat in a small clearing directly beside the north road. It had been a long day of walking. The sun had already set and the adventurers, sans Spider-man, were sat around a warm, billowing fire.
"But didn't he say you were the one that needed it?" asked Boksee to Logan.
"Precious princess needs his beauty sleep," said Wolverine jeering. "I say if he doesn't wake up in time for dinner, we eat his share."
They were cooking a large wild fowl Boksee had hunted for them
Boksee chuckled.
"Sound's fair," she said.
"Do not eat his food," scolded Wyn. "We all need our strength. Besides, he looks thin."
"He should come visit my ma with me. That'll fatten him up," said Boksee.
"No ki…oh, uh is that so?" asked Wyn quickly having to fix the words that tried to come out of her face. She didn't fix them fast enough.
"I told you! I'm not fat! I'm just built this way!" exclaimed Boksee as Wyn baulked and Wolverine enjoyed the show.
"Ughhh," moaned Spider-man coming to. "What's with all the yelling?"
"Oh sorry princess. Didn't mean to wake ya."
Spider-man, with his cloak pulled around him, came up to join them at the campfire.
"I was having a dream about pigs and mud crabs," he said still waking up.
"I think this is done," said Boksee prodding the bird.
In short work their dinner was a pile of greasy bones. Despite having walked for hours, the aura of the group was pleasant and fun. They were all bathed in the natural high of a warm, full stomach, a warm crackling fire, and a warm spring night.
"For real, I thought you used hair gel this whole time," said Spider-man looking over Logan's hair. "He realized it had been days since they were in modern society and Logan's head was just as pointy and majestic as ever.
"Do I look like the kind of guy to use hair gel?" said Logan unimpressed chewing on a bone.
"Well, not like personally, but your hair looks like you do."
"That's just how it grows."
"No way, this cannot be your natural hair shape," said Spider-man pushing down Logan's head spikes.
"It is bub," he growled.
Spider-man let go and the hair slowly raised back into place.
"Ughh! Dude! This is the first time I've actually touched your hair. Why is it so coarse? It feels like fur! And I don't mean Aunt Karen's labradoodle."
"If you don't get your sticky fingers off my head…"
Spider-man tried to push his hair down again.
Logan grabbed him by the arm and pulled him over his shoulder. Before he had even hit the ground, the two were tumbling in a wrestling match.
Boksee laughed. Wyn just raised an eyebrow.
"Ha ha!" declared Spider-man lifting Wolverine over his head like a prize.
He flailed and rolled down directly on top of him.
"Ahh!"
They were on the ground in a tangle of rough housing limbs again.
Wyn raspberried.
"Males," she sighed. "I forgot how you all were. You know you two really should be saving your strength for tomorrow. You're going to need it."
"To toss with that! Let me in there!" cried Boksee lunging into the pile.
Wyn went wide-eyed as the three-fourthsling jumped onto Logan's back in a choke hold. He rolled her underneath him.
Wyn just sat awkwardly as she watched the rest of her party.
Spider-man yelped.
"AH! Boksee bit me!"
"We're bit'n‽" cried Wolverine excited.
Spider-man yelped again.
"WAIT!" cried Boksee pulling herself out of the tussle.
"What?" asked Logan lying flat on his back.
Boksee's tiny pointed ears twitched.
"Hide!"
Nearly yanking Spider-man and Wolverine along, she managed to force them over a bank. Wyn threw herself afterwards.
Boksee turned and peered over the edge of a root. The rest of the group followed suit.
"Stay quiet and stay still," she whispered.
"What are we…" started Spider-man.
He shut up.
Emerging from the dark woods, a wolf stepped into their camp.
He gasped.
By every metric, it was a normal black wolf except it was the size of a horse!
It sniffed the air and turned to them.
Wyn's fingers wrapped around her mace.
Boksee put her hand out to stop her.
The wolf gave their direction a long look, then it started licking away at the remains of their dinner. The adventurers watched silently. Eventually, after it had cleaned every bone spotless, it hung its head and continued on its way.
After they were sure it was gone, they stood.
"What was that thing?" asked Spider-man.
"A wolf, what'd it look like?" said Logan.
"It was taller than me!"
"That ain't hard."
"Like you have any room to…!"
"That was a dire wolf wasn't it?" asked Wyn to Boksee.
"As I breathe," she agreed.
"What was it doing out here?" asked Wyn. "We're not even in Ashen yet."
"You blind? The thing was lost," said Logan. "Probably trying to find its way back to the pack."
"The barbarian knows," said Boksee. She turned to Wyn. "It wasn't looking for a fight. No use in starting one. Being submissive can be just as important in the wild as being dominant. We win every battle we don't have to fight."
Wyn thought, then she nodded.
The night was a bit unrestful. The group had to take turns taking watch since even here there seemed to be dangerous animals.
Eventually, as it always does, morning came.
The adventurers were awake, putting away their camp and making themselves ready.
"Be real with me, I'm going to turn into a werewolf now aren't I," said Spider-man showing Wyn a bite mark.
"I thought you said he wasn't a werewolf," said Wyn rolling up her sleeping bag.
"I ain't!" called Logan from the bushes.
"You're not?" asked Boksee putting on her gear. "But you've got like seven of the fourteen signs of lycanthropy right of the bat."
"Didn't you fail that question though?" asked Spider-man.
Boksee made a face.
"Actually, I think you might want to put a couple bandages on that," said Wyn looking over his arm.
"Yah, and some antiseptic," he sassed.
"What's that?"
"Oh, did wittle Spider-man get his precious skin hurt?" asked Wolverine lumbering over.
"Come on man you broke the skin! You've got fangs dude."
"Next time bite back," he snarled with a grin.
"And get a big mouthful of Wolverine? No thank you."
Logan smiled wickedly as he put on his gear.
The north road was long and empty. It was little more than a dirt path that cut and twisted and wove through the endless forest. Its only purpose was to lead the way to a few of the most remote outposts in Strana. Eventually, Boksee lead them off it, and the party started trekking through the untamed and uncut wilderness.
"Well, there's no mistaking when the Ashen woods starts is there?" asked Spider-man.
The party was stopped before a wall of grey, gnarled trees.
"Nope," said Logan bluntly and giving the air a sniff.
"Alright men," said Wyn. "And half man,"
"Man's fine, thanks," said Boksee sourly.
"Make yourselves battle ready," she continued unphased. "Ashen is miles of adversarial creatures and dark magic. The land itself is violent. Be on guard and keep your wits about you. Is everyone ready?"
Wolverine and Spider-man both nodded.
"Not yet," said Boksee. "I need to activate the talisman. Better to do it now."
Pulling the string and stick token from her pack and placing it on the ground, the group watched as the ranger got down on her knees, outstretched her small hands and closed her eyes.
"On this plane there are many things…" she began to chant. A light aura began to glow under her palms and a few tuffs of her hair began to blow. "…but I seek only one."
The talisman began to glow a vivid green.
"Oh wood of the seeking hazel, and hair of the finding bear, aid me on my quest. Make known to me the object of my desire. Reveal!"
At her command the talisman glowed its most vivid, then darkened.
She picked it up off the ground and held it in front of her. The tassels tied to its corners lifted and pulled in a direction.
"It worked!" exclaimed Spider-man excitedly.
"Looks like it," said Boksee happily. "Now all we have to do is follow the tassels."
Wyn nodded.
"Good work. Men, let's go."
Following her talisman, the ranger began to lead the team through the dense forest. Just as the last time Wolverine and Spider-man had been there, the forest floor was dark and muddy, and absolutely infested with fat mushrooms feeding off the decay. More than once Boksee had to steer them away from a random hazard - a patch of snare root, a hive of giant hornets, a puddle of quick mud.
"I'm sure glad we've got you around this time," said Spider-man as the group stepped around a plant that would have apparently given them all a horrific, blistering rash.
"Rain's com'n in," said Logan neutrally as they climbed through a ditch. "Gonna be cold."
He was soon proven right.
As the white sun dragged across the overcast sky, almost from nowhere, a chilly wind began to whip around them. Within an hour, a light but cold drizzle settled in.
Boksee and Spider-man both pulled they're hoods.
"Couldn't ask for a better day for grave robbing," joked Spider-man, his breath pluming as steam.
"Ain't robb'n if it's not a grave," said Logan. "Fuck, how come I didn't get a cloak?" he asked rubbing his hands together in front of his naked chest.
"Because you didn't buy one," said Wyn.
"Now who dresses like a slut?" mocked Spider-man.
"Still you."
"Everyone come this way," said Boksee.
"What is it?" asked Wyn. She had been making sure to ask every time to give Wolverine and Spider-man a chance to 'improve their wilderness knowledge' as she put it.
"You see that mushroom over there?" said Boksee pointing.
They all looked over.
"Uh, yah?"
"That's a violet fungus. It's dormant right now but if we get too close it might re-awaken. Not too much fun."
Logan looked at the mushroom.
"Oh no…don't tell me…"
"I told you!" exclaimed Spider-man pointing at it. "That's the same kind of mushroom I said we should avoid! Remember? A couple days ago? I told you!"
Logan groaned.
"Good job Spider-man," said Boksee with a chuckle.
"Can identify a dormant awakened mushroom," said Wyn under her breath as she pulled a scroll and took a note.
"What? Are you writt'n that down?" snapped Wolverine.
"Yes, I've decided to start documenting when you and Spider-man display knowledge. Don't worry, I've got your weather knowledge," she said rolling up her scroll and giving it a wave.
Logan just groaned louder.
"I'm gonna push you all into that mushroom," he grumbled shaking some water off his shoulders.
Spider-man shoved him. Wolverine went flying and face planted into the dirt.
"THE FUCK‽" he snapped whipping around.
His question was instantly answered. A series of projectiles sliced through the air and embedded themselves in the tree behind where he had just stood.
The adventurers spun on a heel toward the direction of the attack.
Boksee pulled her bow and launched an arrow into a mass of needly branches.
"What is it‽" barked Wolverine.
A scraggly pine tree shifted. It lifted its limbs revealing them as a pair of arms. It wasn't a tree at all. A monster, made from pine needles and wood stepped forward. It had Boksee's arrow stuck in its face.
"Blights!" she shouted.
Slinging its branchy arms, it sent out another volley of needles.
Wyn leapt in front and shielded the group.
There were more rustles.
A blight made from naked twigs emerged from the understory and charged towards them.
Spider-man kicked it shattering it to splinters.
"Are these things alive‽" he shouted.
A creature made of twisting vines, on all four, bolted toward him. Logan jumped forward and slashed it in half before Spider-man had a chance to react.
"Who cares‽" shouted Logan.
"I've never seen so many different types of blights together like this!" cried Wyn smashing a moss blight as it pounced at her. It squashed and splattered beneath her mace.
"Neither have I!" shouted Boksee. She was sending arrows into the pine blight. "They're supposed to live with their own kind! Not all mixed together like this!"
Suddenly they heard roaring, hideous squealing. The party turned to see the pine blight thrown to the ground. A massive hog, the size of a pony, with far too many tusks jutting out of its face, tore through the wooden monster snapping it with a crunch. It was furious, foaming at the mouth, and it wasn't alone. An entire sounder of giant boars stampeded toward them.
Spider-man leapt forward and threw an explosion of webbing haphazardly across the trees. The hogs were snared like gnats on fly paper. They twisted and squealed and matted themselves, but for the moment were unable to break free. As Spider-man sent out the web, he was nailed in the back by a blight. He went flying.
Wyn ran forward and smashed the attacking blight to pieces.
"Troll boars," shouted Boksee sending an arrow between the eyes of one of the webbed hogs. "They must have been attracted to the commotion,"
Wolverine charged forward and started slicing through the first of the web beasts.
"What kinda animal runs toward a fight?" he barked.
"One looking for wounded prey!" shouted Boksee.
In a single fatal slash, Wolverine twisted on a heal and flung his blades up across a hog's neck. Blood splattered across the trees.
One of those trees trembled.
Wolverine felt his hair stand on end. He turned and stared up from beneath its massive shadow as one of the grey gnarled trees slowly twisted its branches.
"You've fuck'n gotta be…"
A branch slammed into him.
Wyn whipped around.
"AWAKENED TREE!" she sounded.
"On it!" shouted Boksee.
Dashing around a squealing hog, she pulled an arrow from her quiver and started wrapping it in a damp fabric.
"Spider-man cover her!" commanded Wyn.
"You got it!"
Boksee began shooting flaming arrows into the tree.
A mossy blight came running up behind her. With a powerful kick, Spider-man sent it soaring. It landed directly on the mushroom.
"Uh oh!"
With a sound like a pressure cooker, the mushroom shrieked. It rose from the ground revealing a mass of squirming tentacles beneath it. They stretched out and tangled around the moss blight, squishing it like dough.
"Heads up Wolvie!" called Spider-man running past him.
"Huh?"
A wall of purple tentacles slammed into him.
"GAAH!"
Logan started slashing them apart.
Still ensnared in the explosion of webbing, some of the hogs were working themselves loose.
Wyn smashed them back with her mace but more and more were breaking free. Four, seven, twelve. They began to overwhelm her.
Just as Wolverine finished slicing apart a mass of tentacles, the awakened tree came back with a vengeance.
It stabbed a branch forward trying to empale him. Wolverine just barely manage to jump out of the way. Knowing better than to try to stab it, he took off running.
"Give me one of those," he shouted stealing one of Boksee's flaming arrows.
"Hey!"
He quickly grabbed up some leaf litter and dead twigs forming it into a makeshift torch. As it breathed into a pluming fire in his grasp, Wolverine charged at the tree.
Wyn was running from the boars. The entire stampede was free and furious.
She ran toward the violet fungus. Sliding beneath its head, Wyn lead the hogs directly into it.
The fungus' tentacles snared around a boar. The animal shrieked and frothed at the mouth as the life was strangled out of it. The rest of the hogs tore into the mushroom ripping it apart and devouring it.
Spider-man was battling a vine blight. He delivered kick after kick and punch after punch but its malleable body took every attack without faltering.
It sent out a volley of vines at him and Boksee.
"Going up!"
Spider-man grabbed Boksee and chucked her straight up and was just able to dodge in time himself.
She was surprised but managed to grab a hold of a branch and flipped herself over top of it.
"Thanks Spider!"
Resetting herself with normal arrows, she began mowing down the hogs from above.
Torched held aloft like an Olympic runner, Wolverine charged at the tree, swerving and dodging out of the way of the slamming branches. One smaller branch came down. Logan stabbed his claws into it. Like before he was stuck, but this time it was on purpose. He braced himself as the tree lifted its woody limb back up with Logan riding it.
With the mushroom destroyed, and the hogs falling around them, Wyn came running to Spider-man's aid. She pulled a dagger and sliced it across the vine blight.
"Spider-man! Use your blade."
"My blade? Oh! My blade!"
Spider-man pulled the dagger Wyn had given him yesterday. He had barely even held a dagger let alone use one. He tightened his grip.
Leaping toward the vine monster, Spider-man spun and dodged its incoming attacks. He weaved his way in close, and despite the beast's best efforts, it couldn't land a hit on him. Following Wyn's lead, he sliced his small blade across it. He sliced, dodged, sliced, dodged. The monster shrieked as the vines that composed it fell to the ground unraveled.
Logan was riding the tree, one arm stuck in the branch, the other waving the torch into the flammable leaves of its canopy.
The boars were dead, the mushroom was eaten, and the blights were shattered and slashed to pieces.
Spider-man and Wyn ran up to the awakened tree. Boksee hopped down from her high limb and followed but there was no point. The three simply stopped to watch as Wolverine laughed manically as he set the towering tree absolutely ablaze. There was a screeching, whistling sound as it finally stopped moving. The tree paralyzed in place as it burned and sizzled becoming nothing more than a flaming tree. Charred branches and cinders clattered to the forest floor.
Slashing his small branch, Logan freed himself and leapt back to the ground. He landed directly in front of the rest of the party.
"Who can't take down an awakened tree now?" he snarled snapping his neck with a grin.
The group just stood around him speechless.
A hog shifted.
Logan stabbed it.
It was pouring.
The four adventurers sat beneath a web tarp as the rain roared around them.
The thick webbing, with some leaf litter piled on top for good measure, kept them mostly dry but a few fat drips still managed to leak their way through. More webbing was on the ground to keep them from sitting in the mud. Still, they were soaked and freezing.
"Any way of knowing if we're getting closer?" asked Logan.
"The tassels will pull more aggressively and eventually it'll start to glow," answered Boksee.
"Are we getting closer?" he asked already knowing the answer.
"Nope."
"Well, we have to be getting closer," said Spider-man. "We moved toward it. By definition we're closer. We just aren't close enough for it to register on our instrument."
"You just like to hear yourself talk don't you?" asked Logan.
They sat silently for a moment, listening to the heavy rain around them. They didn't know where or what it was, but they heard the howl of some far-off creature.
"Anyone want some jerky?" asked Boksee pulling some from her pack.
"Yes!" "Please!" Wyn and Spider-man practically shouted together.
Everyone took a piece of the leathery meat chunks and started silently gnawing away at them.
"So here's my question," said Wolverine after swallowing. "Who was this Sigmondus guy or whatever? What was he do'n out here in the first place?"
"Who knows," said Wyn. "An outpost on the north road said he headed off in here forty years ago."
"Back when Dad was still a porcelain," said Boksee. "He was pretty famous. Even us in Boar Bramble knew about crazy ol' Sigmondus."
"Yes. Crazy old Sigmondus," continued Wyn. "We call him a philosopher now, but really, for most of his life he was thought of as a town drunk and a nutcase. I've researched that he was…well…quite eccentric."
"And when you say eccentric…" said Spider-man.
"I read that he once broke into the mage's college and…farted at the coronation of a new dean declaring his bowels were a grander source of evocation then the entire school of fools."
Logan burst out laughing.
"Ha! I like the sound of 'em!"
A little time passed and the rain showed no sign of stopping. If it had been warmer they might have braved it, but hypothermia was the last thing anyone needed.
They sat listening to the rain rumble around them, watching it slide down the smooth grey bark of the forest only to splatter in the mud below. They chewed away on their salty jerky and sat close together for the small relief from the cold it provided. Though it was hard to tell the true time, the silence seemed to hold them for hours.
Finally, Boksee broke it.
"Welp," she said slapping a knee. "As riveting as this conversation is, I can't hold it off any longer. I've got to answer nature's call. I'll be right back."
Boksee pulled her cloak tight and made her way back out from beneath the tarp.
"Don't take too long!" called Wyn. "Stay where we can see you!"
"Well, if you all want a show."
Spider-man looked away embarrassed as Boksee's head was still visible as she relieved herself.
"Hey Wyn," he whispered.
"What's up?" she asked at a normal speaking voice.
"Shhh. I've been meaning to ask you, why did you call Boksee a half-man?".
Wyn looked surprised.
"Huh?"
"Earlier. You called Boksee a half man. Why?"
"Because she is?" Wyn whispered back confused. "I didn't want to be rude."
"Came off pretty rude," grunted Logan with a mouthful of jerky.
"Oh."
"Besides, I just think it's weird you're singling out Boksee when she's probably more human than either Logan or me."
Wyn stopped.
"I call you men because you asked me to. You told me you were men."
"Well, I mean…given the choices you listed…you know what, never mind."
"If anyone here's half a man it's Spider-man," said Logan snidely. "It's literally in the name, tuts."
Spider-man gave him a look.
"Well, if I went just by names I'd have to assume you were just an animal," she retorted.
"Don't think I'm not," said Logan with a grin.
"But like I said," she reiterated crossing her arms. "I call you men because you asked me to, even though I'm pretty sure you're a werewolf and an Aranea."
"I ain't a werewolf!" "Not an aranea!" they said in unison.
Wyn laughed.
"Besides, if we were, wouldn't you consider us monsters or something and have to kill us?" asked Spider-man.
Wyn's smile faded. She turned her head in thought.
Spider-man looked at Logan.
"I don't like how that wasn't a firm 'no'."
"I think we'll be fine, kid."
"Not my feelings."
Logan threw a jerky at him.
The last of the rain dripped from the dull leaves.
"So, what's the deal with the Ashen Woods anyway?" asked Spider-man as the party continued following the talisman. The already muddy forest floor was now slick and uneven so progress was a bit slower. "Why does it exist or what makes it all grey and evil?"
"No one's quite sure," said Boksee. "There are forests and places like this all over the world though. Just random pockets of darkness. We rangers know to give them a wide berth."
"Some scholars believe at these places the veils that separate our world from higher and lower plains are weak" said Wyn. "And darkness from these plains seeps through and poisons the land."
"The veils of separate worlds are weak here huh?" asked Logan as he and Spider-man gave each other a look.
"Well that's one theory," said Wyn.
"Some believe they're the work of evil spellcasters and entities that took up residence and over the centuries polluted the land with their dark aura," said Boksee.
"But I mean, not everything that comes out of these forests is evil right?" asked Spider-man. "It's just like a habitat or whatever. Right?"
"No, they're pretty much all evil," said Wyn. "Mutated, transfigured, corrupted, forms of familiar and unfamiliar beasts."
"Mutated huh?" asked Logan with an air of offence.
"Indeed. A true shame really," said Wyn missing his inflection.
"Hey gang, hold up," said Boksee.
The team looked out onto a swampy quagmire. The rain had saturated a low valley causing an already muddy stretch of land to become a wide river of dark brown sludge.
"We should go around it," said Boksee.
"How long will that take," asked Wyn.
"Hard to say, probably no more than a few hours if you held me down."
"How dangerous is the quagmire?"
"No more dangerous than the rest of the woods. It's just a pain."
Wyn looked out over it.
"I think we should just cross it."
"I wouldn't recommend it."
"The longer we're in Ashen the more chance there is something going wrong."
"I agree," said Logan. "Let's just get through this thing."
Boksee shrugged.
"Alright."
"Fan-fucking-tastic idea tuts," snarled Logan shin deep in mud.
Normally, this land would be like any other part of the Ashen woods. As such, the same grey gnarled trees were here too growing out of the swampy ground.
Spider-man, who was hopping from tree to tree avoiding the mud all together, laughed. Logan balled up a wad and nailed him in the face with it.
"GAH!"
"You agreed with me!" Wyn snapped back. She was even deeper in mud, having to hold her mace and shield above her head. "Whatever," she panted. "As long as this gets us to our goal faster it's worth it," she said forcing her way through.
Boksee hopped by on some rocks.
"If you say so paladin."
"Fuck this," said Logan. He turned to a tree and started slashing down some branches. He wove the sticks together into two platforms.
"Hey web head, do me a favor and web all this up for me. Oh and give me some web for tie'n too."
"After you hit me in the face?"
"Yah."
"Darn you're charismatic."
Spider-man did as asked.
Pulling his feet from the mud and tying them to the sticks, Logan rigged up a pair of snow shoes, or rather mud shoes.
Now his feet only sunk in an inch or so.
"Better than nothing."
"Wolverine! How industrious!" cried Wyn excited.
"This ain't my first trench."
"Where's my scroll," said Wyn looking to her belt bags despite having both her arms up.
"Um guys," called Spider-man. He had stopped up on the root of a tree ahead of them.
The group moved up to join him. It took Wyn much longer and with much more effort.
"What's up?" asked Boksee.
"Guys, I don't know what that is and I hate it," said Spider-man pointing. The group looked.
"EW!"
There was some sort of blobby worm creature laying out like a limp ham in the mud in front of them, except it had the face of an eyeless, wrinkly old man.
Despite the fact that it didn't have eyes, it turned to Wyn.
"Worp, worp," it said.
"UGH!"
"That ain't what's left of Sigmondus is it?" asked Logan.
"Absolutely not!" snapped Wyn.
"And how would you know paladin?" asked Boksee with cheek.
"Worp, worp."
It started worming its way toward Wyn.
"EW! EW! Get away!" she cried as it wormed toward her.
Spider-man and Wolverine laughed.
"It's not funny!" snapped Wyn. "Uh, ranger! What is this thing‽"
Boksee was laughing with the men.
"That's a blotfather. They're harmless. Just disgusting."
"I hate it," laughed Spider-man.
Logan was laughing too, his husky cruel sounding but genuine laugh. He heard a sloppy sound beside him. He looked down to see a wrinkled face squirting out of the mud by his boot.
"No! Not me! Fuck off! Nasty!" he cried as the new blotfather tried to suckle on his unsheathed claws. Wolverine sliced it in two. A new face grew on the separated hunk of flesh. One blotfather became two.
Spider-man and Boksee were both in stitches.
"They're attracted to shiny things," Boksee managed to shout out between laughing. "Wolvie, put your blades away!"
Logan did as instructed and his two worms started toward Wyn.
"What am I supposed to do‽ she cried as one got on her knee. She kicked it away.
"Maybe not walk into the Ashen woods in shining silver armor," said Boksee.
"Boksee!"
"Roll around in some mud or something."
"I will not degrade myself! I'm a paladin!"
She started squashing the blotfathers with her mace as they squirted their ways out of the mud around her.
The rest of the party just laughed.
"Don't do that!" exclaimed Boksee still laughing. "These little guys are useful," she said picking one up off the ground.
"Alright. I'll bite. In what possible way is that wrinkled dick useful?" asked Wolverine.
"It's pungent slime acts as a natural deterrent for many predators and aberrations. It might help us sneak through a particularly dangerous area if we can't go around it."
"Yah I'm feel'n pretty deterred myself."
"Well, you are a werewolf."
"Here Spider. Wanna hold onto this for us?" she said holding out the fat worm.
"EW! Why me?"
"Cuz you're the only one it hasn't jizzed on yet," said Logan.
"Because you can rig it up a harness," corrected Boksee as Wyn continued to stomp a swarm of them away.
"Gross. Fine,"
He took the worm with both hands.
"Is this our cute animal sidekick?"
"Worp, worp."
Spider-man shivered in disgust.
"Ughhh. Fine, but I'm naming it Logan Jr."
Wolverine turned to him.
"The fuck you are."
In quick order, Spider-man had the worm strapped to his back like the ugliest baby.
"You know, I think you like this too much," he said looking over his shoulder.
The worm just leaked some slime, its old man face wrinkling and looking pleased with itself.
Wolverine, Spider-man, Wyn, Boksee, and Logan Junior continued on their way.
The adventurers entered the foothills of the mountains. Old and eroding, the mountain range served as the western most border of Strana.
"Looks like your short cut paid off Paladin. We're getting closer," said Boksee as they hiked uphill
"Really?" asked Spider-man.
"Yah, check it out," she said holding out the talisman. "See how the tassels are pulling harder?"
"We better be gett'n closer after that mess," said Logan shaking some remaining sludge from his pants leg.
"And I say again, now who's complaining," tormented Spider-man.
"You didn't have to get down in the mud,"
"And who's fault is that?"
"Why you-"
"Men! Cool it!" commanded Wyn. She wasn't sure if they were bantering or actually about to get into it. Either way.
"How many hours of daylight do we have left?" she asked Boksee.
"Well, let me just…"
They heard the sound of running, and branches snapping.
A flock of wildlife was suddenly scurrying around their feet. The adventurers recoiled as squirrels, and slender animals, and giant insects all ran around them, then fled away into the forest just as sudden.
"That ain't good," said Logan.
An enormous moose, taller than a building, as big as a dinosaur came crashing toward them.
"AHH!"
Spider-man took a massive knee. Boksee was rolled under a hoof. Wyn and Wolverine were both rammed. Wyn's armor protected her. Logan was gouged by an antler. They were all sent flying. The entire team, as well as the moose, went tumbling over a hill.
Logan hit the ground hard. He was flat on his back in a shallow creek at the bottom of a ravine. The open sky spun overhead.
"Fuck!"
Despite his injury, Wolverine scrambled. He grabbed the deep gouge on his stomach, blood leaking between his fingers and bolted toward the rest of his team.
"Is everyone alright‽" he shouted.
Busted, bruised, and just a little bloodied, everyone moaned and started staggering to their feet.
The moose had also recovered.
It was a monstrous beast. Taller than a house, antlers wider than a car, tusks that stabbed up from its jaw, and a horn like a rhino, its body was muscular and covered in thick hide and fur.
It spotted the adventurers and lowered its head, its ears going flat against its skull.
"RUN!" shouted Wyn.
"NO!" shouted Boksee. "HOLD YOUR GROUND!"
Sending up splashes like cannon fire, the moose charged straight down the ravine toward them.
Before anyone could stop her, Boksee charged back and shouted as loud as she could.
"BACK! BACK!" she commanded throwing her arm. The tiny three-fourthsling barely came up to the beast's knee but it skid to a stop.
The moose stamped and stomped its hooves confused.
"BACK!" she demanded.
Suddenly the moose roared! It moved to run her over. Before it had the chance, the rest of the group rushed up to join her.
They sprinted forward toward the towering beast, throwing their arms and shouting, demanding it heed them. The beast obliged. Faltering back, it turned to the left and to the right in the narrow ravine, not trying to retreat, but desperately trying to get around them.
Boksee gasped.
"RUN!" she cried.
"What?" exclaimed Wyn.
"RUN!"
"I thought you said…" shouted Spider-man.
"RUN! HIDE!" cried Boksee. "IT'S RUNNING FROM SOMETHING!"
As if on que, Logan yelped. He slapped his arm and it left a bloody smear.
"Someth'n bit me," he snarled.
A grey fly landed on Wyn's face. She cried as it bit her and she slapped it. A ribbon of blood ran down her cheek.
"OH NO!" shrieked Boksee.
The moose started howling.
It flailed and charged through them. The adventurers managed to throw themselves out of the way before being trampled underfoot.
It was rampaging! The massive beast ran and kicked in all directions as a grey cloud descended upon it. Branches, rocks, and debris from the walls of the ravine were thrown up. Its coat began to turn crimson as the flies ate it alive, drenched in shining blood. An entire tree was wrenched from its roots by its monstrous antlers. Spider-man flung himself into Wyn, throwing them both out of the way as it crashed around them.
The beast was completely enveloped. Its roars were almost drowned out by the deafening buzz of uncountable insects.
It let out a howling shriek.
The adventurers watched on in stunned horror as the massive animal slowed, cried, then collapsed to the ground. It was practically skinned! The flies had eaten away at it until nothing but bloody flesh remained, and more flies were still coming! In seconds the moose was a house sized heap of raw muscle. In seconds more, the moose's wet skull began to emerged from beneath the shifting grey carpet.
Boksee shrieked as a fly bit her.
The group was knocked out of their stupor.
Everyone, Wyn, Logan, and even Spider-man followed suit crying out and slapping away as more and more flies landed on them. They could bite through their clothing!
"EVERYONE WITH ME!" cried Spider-man.
He grabbed up Boksee, webbed Wolverine and Wyn and yanked them all together. Spinning on a heel, Spider-man spun them into a massive cocoon. A few flies had still made it in. The adventures slapped and stomped them splashing the shallow water, bloody bites forming across their bodies.
Light could still come through the webbing. They watched as the shadow of more and more flies landed on it. They could hear them buzzing.
"Don't touch the webbing," cried Spider-man. "It's sticky!"
As they landed against the cocoon, the flies became stuck but that didn't stop them from eating away at it. The buzzing was growing louder and louder.
"I hope this stuff is stronger than fucking moose skin!" shouted Logan.
Despite barely having enough room to move his arms, Spider-man started adding more layers of webbing to the inside of the cocoon.
They could barely breathe. The buzzing was louder than an engine. It was dark! They were completely covered in flies!
They cowered in the center, by pure terror filled instinct crouching in the water and shielding their heads.
Some time passed.
They continued to cower.
More time passed.
They were still alive.
Time passed…
"Guys…" panted Spider-man from lack of air. "I think… it's safe."
"Spider sense?" asked Logan.
He nodded.
Logan nodded back. Everyone ducked as Logan managed to pull his claws. The cocoon was sliced open.
With the roar of buzzing still around them, the adventurers dared to step out.
A good portion of the swarm was stuck to Spider-man's web. It was completely coated, just a limp mass of flies. The rest had moved on.
An entire moose skeleton, like a museum exhibit, was laid out before them. The bones were so massive it was more like a whale fall than anything one might expect to find in the forest.
The adventurers stood catching their breaths in a stunned silence.
Wolverine was the first to break it.
"What the fuck were those?" he barked.
"They're called locust flies," said Boksee, her hand over her chest.
"You couldn't have warned us about those?" snapped Wyn.
"I didn't know they were in this forest! I've never seen them here!"
"I thought a ranger was supposed to be a wilderness expert. How could you not have known those were here!" she shouted furiously.
"Wyn!" snapped Spider-man. "Chill out. We're ok."
"Kid's right," said Logan coming between them all. "Look we know those things are here now. Just another hazard."
Wyn exhaled.
"You're right. I'm sorry," she said returning to a stately composure. "I lost my head."
She pulled a handkerchief and started wiping the blood from her fly bitten face.
Boksee sighed and turned to Logan. Then she went wide eyed.
She watched as the fly bites on his face miraculously fill themselves back in. Though the blood was still on his stomach, the wound that had caused it was gone.
"Yah, he does that," said Spider-man noticing her expression. He pulled up his sleeves to check the damage.
"That's no werewolf's skin. What, what are you?" she asked stunned.
Logan just shrugged.
"Ready to be out of this god forsaken woods," he answered. He stepped on a piece of the cocoon that was under the water crunching the flies beneath his boot. "Which way darl'n?"
"Oh, right."
Boksee lifted the talisman.
"Looks like we…"
An eagle the size of a hang glider suddenly swooped down upon them. Its talons, each the size of a cleaver, wrapped around Wyn's arms. The adventurers barely had a moment to react before the bird dragged her off her feet and into the air. In three powerful thrusts of its wings, the massive bird was in the sky. Wyn shrieked.
"NO!" screamed Spider-man.
Throwing out a web line, he launched himself into the air after them catching the eagle around its ankles.
Boksee pulled her bow and desperately shot a volley of arrows, but the bird was already too far.
She and Wolverine were helpless but to watch as Wyn and Spider-man disappeared into the horizon.
The End