Wolverine and Spider-Man RPG Isekai

by WaSRI

Wolverine and Spider-man are transported to a Dungeons and Dragons style world with no idea how they got there. Naturally, in order to not starve, the pair gather a party and start taking quests. Contains strong language, sexual themes, nudity, gore, and OCs.

15. Sidequests

WOLVERINE AND SPIDER-MAN RPG ISEKAI EPISODE 15 : SIDEQUESTS

Thunder cracked and crackled.

Spider-man opened his eyes to see soft grey rain pattering against his inn room window.

With a deep breath, he sat up from his covers, stretched, and noticed Wolverine's bed was empty.

"Huh."

---

SIDEQUEST 1: INTERDISCIPLINARITY

After a bath consisting of a bowl of cold suds and a rag, a whore's bath as Logan would call it, and after a shave, Spider-man pulled on his civies and headed out.

He sat on a wall under a nearby overhang, watching the rain, and nursing a hot cup of some sad excuse for tea. Yah, as it turned out, what he and Wolverine had been calling tea this entire time wasn't actually made from tea leaves, you know, the kind that has caffeine. That was way too bougie for around these parts. What they had been drinking was some bootleg version made from barley. Barley! Hot grass water. That's what he was drinking. No wonder it did nothing for him.

Spider-man huffed.

"I'm going to come down with ergotism. That's what it's going to do for me," he grumbled taking a warm sip.

And that was just for tea. Tea itself was just some sad excuse for coffee. Yah, he said it and he wasn't taking it back. Apparently, his only hope of snagging those coveted caffeinated beans was to check passing caravans and pray. Not that he even had a kettle. Ugh.

He watched a pair of villagers walk by sharing an entire hunk of cheese between them and merrily drinking their breakfast beer.

"Of course, we'd wake up in some booze laden paradise for Wolverine, but what of the poor spider, and his decaffeinated existence?" he asked ringing a finger around the rim of his cup.

The man chuckled at his own melodrama.

Other than that, it was a nice morning. Not for doing things, but nice to sit through.

The drizzling rain built up a puddle on a neighboring roof and spilled it into the cobblestone street.

He took a deep breath. The rain smelled so differently here. The petrichor was so potent in the air, bright and green, far beyond the smell of wet New York asphalt. Then again, it was mixed with the ever-present stink of livestock and primitive waste management.

"Hm. Speaking of stink, wonder where Wolvie went."

Spider-man looked up and down the street.

"Now where would a vertically challenged wolfish mutant go this early in the morning?" he asked himself. "I don't think the pub's even open yet."

A few leftover flowers from Midsummer floated down a ditch beside him. That reminded him.

The super hero reached into his belt and pulled out a web cartridge, twisting it between his fingers as he thought.

Now it was true that Spider-man had eventually grown in his own spinnerets, his life was weird, but he hadn't started out with them, and he still always made sure to carry his web shooters and some cartridges on him. He had some specialty formulas as well as some standard mix ones in case of emergencies.

There was no way he could get his hands on all the right chemicals, acids, and proteins to make any new batches here, but he might be able to repurpose some of his existing cartridges. He had an idea for a new web formula, something useful for this world. All he would need is some basic lab equipment.

"And I know where to find some of that."

With a flick of his thumb, Spider-man flipped his cartridge and snatched it out of the air.

"You know what, I'm gonna try."

---

With his bare wet hand, he knocked on a heavily reinforced door. It took a few minutes, but eventually it swung open and a very pissy old apothecarist shoved his gnarled face out into the drizzle.

"What, what‽" he snapped. "Oh, it's you. We're not open yet!"

"Hey Gustel," said Spider-man unphased. Years of dealing with Jameson had hardened him. "Long time no see. So, I was wondering, would you let me use some of your lab equipment? I can pay you or do some sort of horrible chore or whatever."

"What‽" demanded Gustel, his good eye going wide. "You want to use my equipment, my hard-earned equipment? You want to take advantage of an old man's very livelihood‽"

"Mmm… yep."

"Damn your charisma," said Gustel opening the door.

"Oh, and can I buy some mercury?" asked Spider-man walking inside.

---

In the backroom of the apothecary, among the overflowing bins, cluttered shelves of oddities, and bubbling flasks, Gustel hobbled over. He scowled around Spider-man's arms as the younger man piped his web fluid into a beaker.

"So, what are you doing anyway?" he grumped.

"I had an idea for a new webbing," Spider-man answered plainly. "I wanted to try lacing some with mercury."

Gustel didn't grump or call him names. Instead, he seemed oddly interested.

"Metal filled spider silk?" he said wrapping his mind around it. "So, your webbing is a magical brew? I thought it came out of you, spider man."

"Oh, it does," said Spider-man shooting a web from his uncovered wrist. "But when I want a webbing with characteristics I can't produce naturally, I have to make it artificially. I used to make all of it artificially, but you know, life."

"What spells do you use in its creation?"

"No spells. I don't know any magic."

"But then how…?"

"It's just chemistry."

"Chemistry?"

---

Gustel and Spider-man sat on some stools as they waited for his dope to warm.

"Think of it like… mixing cement, ooh! Or baking a cake," explained Spider-man. "None of the ingredients are magical, but if you combine them in the right quantities and apply the right processes, they become something new. That's chemistry."

"So," said Gustel in thought. "Chemistry is not the combining of the magics but of the bodies?"

"Yah. You can say that, but you understand what the bodies are made of on a very intricate level – the building blocks of the universe and all that jazz," he added flippantly.

Spider-man went to check the temperature of his fluid.

"I didn't even know such a discipline existed."

"It might not here, at least not in the same way it does where I'm from. I'd be happy to teach you a thing or two if you'd like. Then maybe an octopus man will want to eat your brain instead," he added with a laugh. He looked at his dope then picked up a strange metal and glass contraption from the counter.

"Ok, I know you said this measures temperature, but how do you use this thing?"

The apothecarist shambled over to help him.

---

In short order, the dope was ready.

"Well, it's as good as it's going to get," said Spider-man grabbing a vial.

"I still don't understand," grumped Gustel back on his stool. "Why do you want to add mercury?"

"Well, we fought a bunch of fae over Midsummer and my web couldn't hold them. They all just burned it away. I was thinking if I laced it with mercury, a type of metal, it might be able to do the trick. Could come in handy going forward, you know."

At that Gustel practically bounded to his feet.

"Ah! A matter of magics! I have a better idea. Cheaper too!"

With what remarkably seemed like excitement, he trotted over and started digging through his many, many crates of backstock.

"Here we are," he said bringing over a bottle of translucent orange liquid. "This is a mild faeward potion. Made with the essence of warding flowers."

"Like worts?"

"Exactly. Much easier to grow flowers than ship in mercury."

"That's perfect!"

---

The blossoming chemist and the ancient apothecarist spent the next half hour adding their own expertise to the concoction. Measurements were converted, rods were stirred, spells were cast, and four minutes were spent recapturing a knot of escaped toads.

"Alright," said Spider-man finally affixing his web shooter to his arm. "Ready to see if this crazy idea worked?"

Gustel nodded.

Spider-man tapped his middle fingers to his palm. A beautiful orb web, iridescent and glowing the color of honey shot against the far wall.

"Woah."

He hadn't expected that. Even after all the potion and magic, the dope had remained its usual gluey color.

Gustel made a gargling noise the younger man assumed was a good thing.

"Blow me down! Then pick me back up again! Look at that!"

They made their way over to inspect it.

"What happened?" asked Spider-man.

"Look! Look at what we've made!

"What did we make?"

"This concoction, this webbing, it's not just laced with magic, it's imbued with it! It's carrying it just like a potion would."

"I'm not sure what that means."

"Lace a prick with poison and it will kill your next foe, imbue a prick with poison and it will kill for a lifetime. It's not a web with magic mixed within, it's a magical web!"

"Based on the raising pitch of your squeals, I'm assuming that's a very good thing."

"It's a marvel! I've never seen such a creation!"

Spider-man beamed with excitement.

"Marvels aside, the web is pretty good too," he said assessing the it. "Really good consistency. Good stickiness. A little stretchy," he said pulling at it.

"Ha ha!" exclaimed Gustel giving him a few friendly punches. "What a sight! Those blasted fae won't know what hit 'em!"

Spider-man chuckled.

"With any luck."

---

The misplaced super hero was cleaning up his mess before heading out.

"Well, this was exciting. Really mixing disciplines here."

"You know," said Gustel hobbling up. "I know you didn't take to potion brewing, but I think you've got potential lad."

"Woah! Are you… complimenting me?"

"Don't let it go to your head you silly yard goat. Anyway, why don't you give it another go? I could give you some more potions lessons, and in exchange, maybe you can teach me a thing or two about this chemistry."

"Hmm… I'm not sure."

"Oh think about it. We've imbued webbing with faeward, but have you considered imbuing it with say… other potions?"

The younger man slowly turned to him, his face dawning with realization.

Gustel grinned and nodded.

---

"See you GG," said Spider-man waving out the door.

A huge smile graced his face as he made his way back down the bustling main street of Boar Bramble. His mind was a buzz with possibilities. Potioned webbing‽ What could he do with that? He and Gustel had bounced some ideas back and forth but hadn't settled on anything yet.

He had four pairs of web cartridges on him. That was what he usually did carry, so it made sense that was what was on him when he woke up here. Even if he split them up, it would only leave him with seven more cartridges to use. Seven more spelled webbings! It made him grin with excitement, but that still meant he had to be very choosey.

"Hey, web head!"

---

SIDEQUEST 2: TEMPORARY ROOTS

Spider-man turned to see Wolverine walking up behind him in the rain.

"There you are. Been lookin' for ya."

"Oh, hey Wolvie. The wet dog smell should have tipped me off. Where have you been?"

"Tell ya in a minute. Ya busy?"

"Not anymore."

"Come with me. I got a proposal."

Spider-man opened his mouth but Logan threw up a finger.

"Business proposal," he specified before he could make any marriage jokes.

The younger man slumped at the shutdown.

"Come on," said Wolverine strangely chipper, ushering him down the road.

---

"And… here it is."

Spider-man opened his eyes to see a tiny cottage practically buried in overgrowth.

They were down one of the many winding dirt streets of the residential area. That said, it didn't look like this place had been lived in in a decade. The dingy walls were barely visible under the heaps of ivy, and the thatched roof was almost completely devoured by moss.

"Um, what am I looking at?"

"Don't know what a house is?"

Spider-man rolled his eyes.

"I mean what does it have to do with anything? Why are we here?"

"I wanna buy it."

"What? Are you serious? You wanna buy a house?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

"Because I'm tired of livin' in the inn."

"Um, ok. Good for you, I guess?"

"I need you to go in on it with me."

Spider-man baulked.

"What‽ You want me to buy a house with you‽"

"I don't got the coin by myself. Believe me, I tried to haggle 'em down. But together we've got enough. Anyway. Good price. Good location. What's the problem?"

"That's a huge investment to just spring on someone!" he cried in disbelief. "Moving past the fact that you're asking me to go into real-estate with you, it's just…" he said putting a hand behind his head. "Isn't this kind of putting down roots? I know we've decided to hunt down the rest of the seasons, but that's not going to last forever. Aren't we… weren't we trying to get home?"

"Kid, the thing about plants is, when they've been in the dirt long enough, they don't got no choice but to put down roots," Logan reasoned. "Now we could be home tomorrow for all we know, or we could be here for the next three years. We just gotta make the best with our current hand and plan for the worst. Worst is we never get home."

"Don't even say that!"

"I said worst."

"We always get home," said Spider-man firmly.

"Right kid. We always get home," the older man conceded. "Point is, we've both been out in the woods before, and you know sometimes you just gotta rig yourself up a life wherever you fall. I don't know about you, but I'm sick of living out of a match book hearin' and smellin' a dozen different people all hours of the night. We already live ass to ass on quests. Don't ya wanna come home and have your own space?"

Spider-man inhaled and put his hands to his hip, still trying to wrap his brain around this.

"Are we going to have to, like, make payments?"

"Nope. If they'd let me make payments I would have just bought it myself," he grumbled.

"It's that cheap?"

"It'll take just about all the coin we have. We'll have just enough to buy it, some tools and maybe eat for a week, but we can take more quests, right? We started out with jack shit and we got through that fine."

"Tools?" asked Spider-man skeptically. "Ok. What's wrong with it? Why's it so cheap?"

"She's a bit of a fixer upper. She's been in a bad state for a long time, and that was before the owner died. He was an old fella with no family, so when he died the town took possession."

"Well, that's sad."

Logan shrugged.

"Anyway. That's why she's so cheap."

Spider-man was still very unconvinced.

"I'd need to see inside."

The pointy haired mutant pulled out an enormous iron key.

"Where'd you get that?"

"Townhall," he said starting for the cottage. "Said they'd just need it back by the end of the day."

"They're, um, trusting here."

With a few tries and a loud creak, Wolverine shouldered open the front door and the pair walked inside.

If Boar Bramble was quaint, this place was downright antediluvian. The walls and ceiling were bare timber and daub, and the floor was bare clay. Spider-man was honestly surprised to see it had glass windows considering the state of it.

"She's perfect," praised Logan. "Two bed rooms, loft, it's even got a larder."

Spider-man didn't know what a larder was but he had bigger concerns. Mainly the slumping walls and holey ceiling. He could look straight up through it to see the sky above. A rain drop landed between his eyes.

He looked back to Logan.

"Fixer upper?" he scolded kicking over a hunk of wood. "This is a tearer downer. Emphasis on the terror."

"Just needs some tlc," said Wolverine shrugging.

"How much is this going to cost us to get fixed?"

Logan snorted.

"Just some tools."

"What about materials?"

Logan motioned to the woods around them like Spider-man was dense.

"You mean do it ourselves? Like from scratch?"

"'Course. This whole cottage was probably built with nothin' but what's around it. Except the windows of course and a few bits and ends."

"I don't know how to do that."

"I do."

"Really?"

Logan snorted again.

"It's wattle and daub kid. Ain't like we're rebuilding the Taj Mahal. Come on," he growled happily giving Spider-man some elbow jabs.

"Mmmm…"

"Look. If you don't buy it with me now I'm just gonna save up the money and buy it myself. Then I'll have a nice house and you'll be stuck in the inn."

"Rrrrrr… huhhh… fine!"

"Ha ha! Let's go get our names on this old girl."

---

Wolverine and Spider-man, tools in hand, made their way down the short walk back to their newly purchased property.

"You know," said Spider-man pulling out the deed and looking it over. "Now that I've thought about it, I actually am kind of excited about this. Never thought I'd be a home owner."

"The American dream is dead," groaned Logan.

"Well, I mean, I never really want to move back out of Manhattan."

The two walked up to their new house.

"When we get the cash," said Logan carefully wedging the door open. "We'll need to get a second key made."

Spider-man just stood by watching him, an insidious smile stretching across his face.

"Unless you got a spare ingot laying around. I know a thing or two about sand casting," he continued with a grin. "Then again, rigging up a forge would be a pain in the ass. Yah, might as well just order one."

As soon as the mutant opened the door, Spider-man charged forward and grabbed him off his feet.

"The fuck are you doin'‽" he snapped flailing, tools falling.

Spider-man carried him across the threshold and threw him down.

"Ha ha. Now you're the bride."

Wolverine's jaw dropped open. Then he snarled a smile and slugged him.

"Alright ya got me."

"Woah! You must really be excited about this. You're in such a good mood!"

"Yah, yah. Shut up. Alright city boy," said the hairy mutant taking his shirt off. "Ready to get your hands dirty for once?"

"I don't like that phrase when you don't have a shirt on."

---

More rain dropped on Wolverine's face as he shoved a wooden pillar.

"This whole shaft's gonna need to be replaced," he said as it wiggled. "Dry rot."

"Ironic," said Spider-man taking diligent mental notes.

"Why'd you have to take your shirt off for this part again?"

"Get's me in the workin' mood."

They made their way over to the kitchen, though honestly it was all just one main room. It was primitive but recognizable. There was a large hearth, a counter top, some vats, and two square holes? They were stacked on top of each other in a clay and stone column.

"Is that… an oven?" asked Spider-man.

"What that? Yah," said Logan digging around in the hearth.

"It doesn't have a door."

"It don't need no door."

"Hey!" said Spider-man suddenly excitedly. "We have an oven!"

"Yah?"

"That means we could make pizza!"

Wolverine raspberried.

"You can't even boil potatoes.

"I can dream."

Wolverine finished checking the kitchen and noting the needed repairs.

"Soo…" said Spider-man looking around. "The house's previous owner, he didn't die in the house did he?"

"Don't know. Didn't ask. Probably. Another leak here," he said pointing at the ceiling. "Why? Afraid of ghosts?"

"This world has them!" said Spider-man defensively. "The last thing I want is to end up with Casper as a roommate."

Logan snorted.

"Oh, wasp nest," said Spider-man pointing at a corner.

"Good catch."

"Yah, especially since wasps can grow into giant Spider-man eating monsters here."

"Looks empty."

They moved to enter a bedroom.

Logan yanked at the door and it begrudgingly opened.

"Every door in this place is stiff. Whole thing must be tilted."

"I could've told you that."

As Wolverine moved to check the room's integrity, Spider-man stopped.

"Wolvie," he said, his voice quivering.

"Huh, what?"

"It was here," he whispered.

"What was?"

"This is where he died."

"What? Spider sense don't work like that. You're makin' shit up."

"I'm telling you. I feel it." He turned slowly. "It was right there," he said pointing at a spot on the floor.

Logan gave it a look, then raised an eyebrow as he too felt a strange sensation staring down at an ominous stain.

There was a knock.

Both men jumped before realizing it was coming from the front door.

Spider-man laughed and Wolverine scowled at him.

They wandered back to the main room to see a man at their open front door. Being polite, he still knocked before just barging in.

"Oh, our first visitor," said Spider-man surprised. "Hello."

"What'a ya need bub?" asked Logan wiping off his hands.

"Hello," said the man. "So, um, I heard you two bought this old place."

"What of it?"

"Don't mind him. He's naturally rude," said Spider-man.

"I ain't rude. I'm direct."

"Well…" the man started awkwardly. "I, we, I never really properly thanked you," he said at Spider-man.

"Thanked me?" he asked confused.

"Yes," said the man a little unsure. "You saved my daughter."

Logan made sure to watch Spider-man. Sure enough, just as Wyn had said, he saw his eyes slightly glide apart as his brain failed to recall whatever the stranger was talking about.

Logan silently laughed.

"Our barn collapsed…"

"Oh!" exclaimed Spider-man finally getting it. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I save a lot of people."

"No, it's fine. That must be true being an adventurer and all and, well, you and I never really met given the circumstances. I'm Bond," he said extending a hand.

"Spider-man," he said shaking it. "And this is Wolverine. How is she doing? Any improvement?"

Bond sadly shook his head.

"Healers said there was nothing they could do. There's no hope of her ever walking again."

Spider-man nodded sympathetically.

"It's been hard, hard for all of us," he said his face twisting. "Especially on her but we're getting through."

"I'm so sorry."

"A-anyway," said Bond waving away his troubles. "That's not what I came to discuss. We heard you bought this old place and, well, we all know it's in a sorry state, and my family and I know a thing or two about building, despite the impression you might have gotten. We were wondering if you men could use some help on repairs."

Spider-man and Wolverine both smiled.

---

In short order an entire family - husbands, brothers, wives, mothers, aunts, uncles, even grandmas and grandpas had descended on the tiny cottage. Women were mixing thick mortars and wattling the walls for their fresh daub. Men were hacking and sawing lumber from the surrounding trees and hefting them into the right places. Even the kids were helping. The girls were gathering thatch for the roof repairs and the boys, along with a few men and one steely grandma, were clearing out the yard.

"We can pay you back for the white wash," said Spider-man to Bond as they walked past a group mixing a thick milky soup.

"Oh no. We had plenty of quicklime laying around."

"Hey Dad!" called a kid. Two boys came running.

"Yes Biherr?"

"We found a whole pig pen in here! And a coop!"

"We have a pig pen and a chicken coop?" asked Spider-man excitedly.

"And a garden," said the yard grandma walking over with an enormous scythe. "Fence is all but scraps, but the stone line is still good."

"Wow! This is like a whole little homestead, isn't it? Have you found a water tap yet? Or a, uh, bathroom? Outhouse?"

"A what?"

"You know, where you go poop."

The boys laughed.

"The privy. There might be one. Haven't found it yet."

Spider-man made a concerned face.

Eventually he and Bond made their way over to Wolverine who was axing down a tree.

"Woo!" he shouted happily soaked with rain and sweat. "Nothin' like a little work to get the ol' kinks out."

"Blow me down," said a grandpa watching him. "By thunder son, never seen someone plow through a tree so fast."

Logan laughed.

"If it's got a blade, I'm good at it. Oh, web head," he said noticing Spider-man and Bond walking up. "Just in time. This thing's about to go."

"You would be a lumber jack wouldn't you, Canada boy," said Spider-man.

"Well, what've you been doin'?"

"Mostly just holding and carrying stuff."

"I thought the kids were pulling my leg when they said he hauled that entire lumber cart all the way back to the farm after we lost Maybell," said Bond.

"Who?" asked Logan still hacking.

"A cow," replied Spider-man.

"Bless her."

"But I just watched this guy carry an entire tree on a shoulder."

"Yah, speaking of which. Should we be doing this?" asked Spider-man to Logan. "Didn't we just nearly die to save this forest?"

Wolverine raspberried.

"Deer eats grass," he grunted axing. "Wolf eats deer. People use trees. It's about balance. We ain't nowhere near the rot."

"Yah ok."

Spider-man sniffed the air making a face. "What's that smell?" he asked looking around.

"Probably the daub," said Bond pointing to some women mixing a muddy concoction.

"Smells like crap."

"It is," said Logan.

"What?"

"TIMBER!"

His tree fell crashing to the forest floor.

---

Spider-man was squatting in the wet dirt calculating out a lengthy series of equations as a group stood around him, watching with fascination like he was performing some arcane art.

Throwing down a stack of lumber, and wiping his brow with satisfaction, Wolverine moved to join them but found himself stopping.

Over by the front door, he saw a young girl sitting by herself in a wheelchair. She was dejectedly watching her siblings and cousins work in the yard, her hands lamely braiding some vines.

Logan grunted.

"Mind if I talk to your girl?" he asked catching Bond.

"Huh, what? Um, sure," he said raising an eyebrow.

The mutant headed over.

"Hey," he said reaching her.

The girl jumped.

"Huh! Oh, hello."

"You know how to braid?" he asked flatly.

"What?"

"You know how to braid? We need more rope," he said ejecting his claws. He sliced off a huge hunk of ivy and tossed it in her lap.

She baulked.

"Everyone else is busy. You wanna help don't ya'?"

"Y-yah."

"Then what's the problem?"

The girl looked up at the strange man utterly confused, a little terrified, and perfectly miserable. A few tears escaped down her face.

Logan sighed. He took a knee to better reach her level. Bond made sure to keep an eye on them.

"Yah, you've been through the ringer recently haven't ya darlin'?" asked Wolverine empathetically. "What's your name?"

"Jalea."

"You know Jalea, I'm a big scary guy yah? Well, maybe not that big," he said smirking at his own expense. She didn't bite. He continued.

"But I gotta boss, and he's got a pair of wheels too," he said motioning toward her wheelchair. She looked at him skeptically.

"He does?"

"Yep. Look. I don't know what you're going through, and maybe it ain't my place, but I thought you might want to know you ain't alone. My boss, he's a powerful, uh, wizard. Yah. One of the greatest men I know. He got hurt long ago, real bad, but he was alive, and life went on. It never went back to the way it was before, but you grow where you fall. I know it's hard right now, but if you're alive…well…" he said trying to form his thoughts carefully but not really finding the right words. "Well, you're gonna keep growin'."

With a pat to the arm of her chair, the mutant stood and headed back to work, grimacing at his own social missteps.

"I can make baskets too."

He turned back around.

Jalea was wiping her face with a heavy smile.

"I can make baskets too sir. Houses need baskets, right? Do you think you could hand me a heap of those reeds there?"

Logan returned her smile.

---

"Alright, everyone ready?" shouted the grandpa.

Spider-man had rigged up a sturdy web around the entire upper left side of the cottage, two long lines running down both its sides. Holding one line was almost the entire family led by Wolverine. On the other line was Spider-man and the scythe grandma.

"Ready!" they all shouted back.

"On my mark!" shouted the grandpa standing before the house. "Three, two, one, heave!"

The teams pulled on the lines causing the cottage to creak and groan as the upper half was forced rightwards.

"Halt!"

In a quick moment everyone was brought to a stop. They abandoned their posts and ran to meet the grandpa at the front door.

He drew up the latch, gave a pull, and gave a triumphant nod as the door glided open without a hint of resistance.

The family cheered.

---

Wolverine gazed upon his cottage with satisfaction. The white squared walls of wood and wattle shone bright and clean beneath the shade of the lively forest. The thatched roof, although still alive with moss was repaired, and the yard and garden path were tamed. The old girl breathed free and rejuvenated like a fresh engine in a classic old car.

"Thank you so much everyone!" called Spider-man waving as the family took their leave.

"That was incredible. I can't believe so many people came to help us like that," he said turning to Logan.

"Small towns take care of their own. Guess savin' kids fast tracked us."

With a few more happy onceovers, the two super humans moved to enter the house. Before Spider-man had the chance, Wolverine rammed him, throwing him over his shoulder.

"AGH! What are you…!"

He ran him over the threshold and tossed him to the floor.

"HA! Now you're the bride!"

"It only counts the first time you enter a house!" snapped the younger man landing on his feet.

"Yah, but this is the first time we've entered a home," he leered.

Spider-man rolled his eyes with an incredulous smile.

"Fine, I guess we'll both be the bride."

He went to go look around.

"Wow, they even washed the windows," he noted.

Logan took a deep breath. He could still smell the daub and thirty other wet, sweaty strangers, but they had done their best to wash the floors and throw down some rush mats. It just needed time.

"What's this?" asked Spider-man finding a basket on the counter.

"A gift. Jalea gave it to us. Sweet gal."

"Who?"

"Wheelchair."

"OH! Aw, she didn't have to do that."

"She wanted to."

"Does this count as our first piece of furniture?" he asked putting it back.

"No. The mats might though."

"Oh! After we get some beds can we get chairs next? Like two fat arm chairs and we'll be like a pair of old people! I can be the grandma with her sewing and you can be the crazy old grampa with his pipe and war stories."

Logan snorted, then smiled.

"Eh, I wouldn't mind a pipe."

"Also, crippling alcoholism."

"Knock knock!" called a voice.

---

SIDEQUEST 3: ACTUALLY, THE MAIN QUEST

They turned to see Wyn at their still open front door.

"Oh hey'a tuts."

"I've been looking for you all morning! Wow, you really bought this old place?" she said looking around with awe.

"No, we just broke in and spent the last four hours fixing it for kicks," sassed Spider-man.

She strutted up and gave him a scowl.

"Sarcasm is not a flattering gown," she recited like it was a common phrase.

"I don't wear gowns."

"Gotta quest for us?" interrupted Logan casually.

"Yah, since we need the money now," added Spider-man.

"Sort of, but I wanted to go over some things with the party first. Are you free now?"

---

Pushing open the large wooden doors, the trio came out of the drizzling rain and into the guild hall.

It was pretty quiet, only a few other adventurers wandering about. Boksee and Nih had claimed a table. The ranger was quest ready but Nih still had his arm in a sling.

"I simply do not understand your fervent aversion to my mushrooms. They're a hearty and sustainable staple for both foraging and cultivation," argued the dark elf cooly.

"I just don't like them! Is that so hard to grasp? They taste like boiled cow hoof."

"What's wrong with boiled cow hoof?"

"I… Oh! There you are," said Boksee noticing them. "I was wondering if we were going to have to send out a search party."

"You will never believe where I found these two," said Wyn excitedly as they came over and sat to join them.

"Madame Funda's back room?"

"What? No. These two bought the old Dusan place."

"Blow me down! Did you really? You actually bought that old cottage?"

"Yep."

"What made you want to do a thing like that?"

"Tired of having to sleep in the same room as that," said Wolverine throwing a thumb at Spider-man. "If I had to listen to one more 2:00 am 'everything's my fault' guilt trip, I was gonna kill him with a pillow."

"And if I had to toss out one more bowl of wet shaved hair, I would have let him. But for real," said Spider-man. "I think it'll be nice. We've got an oven now. I can buy a kettle, and maybe one day I'll receive the sweet relief of coffee," he said with a longing sparkle in his eyes.

"Coffee? That fancy drink down in Ries?" asked Boksee.

"Was it there? I missed it. Well, where we're from, coffee is like super common. Like employers will give it away for free common. I practically live off the stuff. Wake up in the morning, coffee. Need an afternoon pickup? Coffee. Long evening? Coffee. Still awake at 3:42 that same night. Coffee. I miss it so much."

"How do you have a digestive system left?" asked Wolverine.

"Same way you have a liver I assume."

Boksee huffed a laugh.

"What even is it?" she asked. "I've never had it."

"It's brewed like tea except instead of leaves you brew ground coffee beans," Spider-man explained.

"Beans?" asked Wyn skeptically. "All this hullabaloo is about bean water?"

"But they're blessed beans. Well, technically they're seeds but the point stands."

Another group of adventurers came in from the rain. They saw the mostly empty quest wall, shrugged, and headed back out.

"So, fancy beans aside, what'd you call us here for paladin?" asked Boksee.

"I wanted to go over the new info we learned in the Warren," she said throwing down a few fat tomes and a pile of scrolls.

"Seriously?"

"Well, what did you all do this morning?"

"We bought a house, we're exempt," said Spider-man.

Undeterred, Wyn pushed forward, throwing open her books and unrolling her notes.

"So, first I went digging around for the concept of vacuums, and it turned out Webs was right."

"About what?"

"That they exist. Apparently, it's a very common physical force. The entire process of suction is built upon them entirely."

"I could have told you that," said Spider-man out the side of his mouth.

"With that squared away, I then went full force looking for the magic hole phenomena. I could only find one book that covered it at all, and even then, only a brief definition."

"But you did find it?" asked Nih.

"Yes," said Wyn excitedly flipping to a page. "At first I found what are known as dead-magic zones."

"Well, that sounds about right," said Boksee.

"I thought so too, but I don't believe that's quite right. You see dead-magic zones are places where all magic ceases to function. It's complicated, but essentially the laws of the universe that allows magic manipulation to occur are broken there, and we know this is not true of the magic holes since you two could still use magic, it was just extremely weak or misbehaved."

The group nodded.

"On top of that, dead-magic zones, which tend to be quite large, much larger than what we encountered, are caused by apocalyptic events and can only be healed through acts of divinity. So, unless anyone here is claiming to be a god…"

"I moonlight," said Spider-man.

"…then that isn't it," continued Wyn ignoring him. "But, through this I was able to find a related phenomenon, and that is what I believe we experienced," she said stabbing her finger into the page. "Magical lacunas."

"Lacuna matata," sung Spider-man.

"NO!"

Logan whacked him upside the head.

"Sorry, it was an involuntary reflex."

"So's my foot up your ass."

"What's a lacuna?" asked Boksee ignoring them both.

"It's like a hole, right?" asked Spider-man.

"A divot or absent section," answered Wyn.

"Yah, so a hole. Magic hole."

"They're still extremely rare," continued the silver rank. "So far, there's only one known cause. They can be an unintended side-effect of poorly performed magical practices, and even then, only in a very few select and powerful disciplines…"

"Speak in the common tongue paladin," said Boksee annoyed.

"If you mess up casting certain powerful spells you can make magic holes."

"Oh ok."

"That sounds like what the fae court and treant described," agreed Nih.

"Exactly," said Wyn. "We know one of the seasons was in the Ashen woods. It wouldn't be a stretch to suspect they passed through the Warren and Nehfar on the way, especially if they were coming from the south. And get this, the book gave a list of the known disciplines that can cause lacunas, meaning we might be able to figure out what kind of magic caster this season is before we even meet her. That will give us a huge leg up."

The party sounded their approval.

"There are only three. Antimancy, the magic of countering other magic, wish magic, and, get this, chronomancy."

"Like time manipulation?" asked Spider-man.

"Yes."

"Like, they have the power to go back in time? Or to the future?" asked Boksee.

"Unlikely, but possibly. Chronomancy is an extremely difficult discipline, even more so than say, necromancy."

"That is impressive," said Nih.

"So? What's the big deal? Antimancy sounds more like what we were dealin' with," said Logan. "The problem was that there wasn't any magic or whatever, right?"

"Like I said, all three of these can cause magical lacunas. The reason I'm interested in chronomancy is because it has a requisite discipline, or in other words, it has another subject of magic that needs to be studied alongside it."

"Like how you can't brew potions without knowing catalyst spells?" asked Spider-man.

"Oh, is that true? I didn't know that. But yes, that's the idea. Well, chronomancy's requisite is spatiomancy, space manipulation. It's difficult if not impossible to manipulate time without also understanding its effect on space."

"Spacetime, yah that tracks," said Spider-man.

"So…," said Wyn trying to summarize. "We know an extremely powerful magic user was in the Warren Woods, and we found a season's amulet up in the Ashen ruins, and who else was found in the Ashen ruins?" she asked rolling a hand encouraging them to answer.

"Sigmondus?" asked Boksee.

"Steve?" asked Spider-man.

"Those two!" said Wyn pointing at Wolverine and Spider-man.

"OH!"

"Doesn't it make the most sense that there was a chronomancer messing around with spacetime in the exact same place where two men from some other world first found themselves?"

"That does make sense," said Spider-man surprised. "So, the seasons really might have had something to do with us being here after all."

"Your intuition might have been onto something," said Wyn to Wolverine.

He grunted with approval.

"You do make a strong argument paladin. I'll give you that," said Boksee.

"Thank you," she said quite pleased with herself. "It still doesn't give us a clue on how to find her or the other season, but I feel good about this."

"But the question we're all really wondering," continued the ranger. "Is what season would a chronomancer be?"

"Huh?"

The three males nodded.

"There's only autumn and winter left. Which would a chronomancer be?"

"Oh, um, maybe autumn?" said Wyn. "Since it's a transitional time from summer to winter?"

"Well so is spring, just the other way around," replied Boksee.

"Oh!" said Spider-man. "I bet it's winter because like, a chronomancer, hear me out, can like freeze you in place, like if you were frozen, except with time magic."

The entire party turned to him slowly.

"That's stupid," said Wolverine.

"Hey! It makes just as much sense as a necromancer being spring because he makes dead guys spring up from the ground."

"He was spring," said Boksee. "Because he imbued new life into things, you know, like spring."

"Oh."

"Idiot," breathed Logan astounded.

Nih, Wyn, and Boksee laughed at Spider-man's expense.

"I think I'm really bad at philosophy," he grumbled. "This is why I suck at potions."

"Perhaps," said Nih with a smile. "Although, I do believe you are correct, obviously for different reasons. I believe chronomancy makes the most sense as the personification of winter because we who work with the land and the stories understand that it's the season with the most unique relationship with time. It is the season when one yearns for the future of the coming spring and passes the present with stories of the past. To the plants and animals who hibernate, winter is gone in a blink. To the man who hides inside his closing walls, the cold and dark is the longest time of the year as his vitality and food dwindles. Symbolically, winter is the time of reflection, dreams, and standstill. As I understand, a chronomancer could accomplish this in more tangible forms."

As the druid finished his speech, Wyn and Boksee looked at each other biting their lips.

"So what you're saying…" said Spider-man, a smug grin spreading across his lips. "Is that she's winter, because she freezes stuff… but with time magic."

The party groaned as Spider-man reveled.

"Hm, maybe you have a better disposition for philosophy than you realize," said Nih.

---

Another group of adventurers were picking over the remains of the quest wall. With a lame shrug, they pulled one down.

"Well, now that that's all squared away," said Wyn putting away her notes and books. "Spider-man, I wanted to ask you, would you accompany me on a quest today?"

"Wha- me? Just me?"

"It's a small one. Honestly, I would take it alone but one could always use a competent partner."

"Well, just leave the rest of us out to dry why don't you silver," gruffed Boksee.

"What? Webs is the obvious choice for this quest. We're going into the sunken city."

"The sunken city?" asked Spider-man.

"There is no man or beast alive that can challenge his command of vertical surfaces," continued Wyn.

Spider-man put a dramatic hand to his chest.

"Oh Wyn."

"She's right," Wolverine added. "If its anywhere urban, you're gonna want web head."

His second hand leapt to his mouth.

"Oh, Wolvie!"

"Shut it."

---

SIDEQUEST 4: NAMING CONVENTION

The group of adventurers at the quest wall spotted Wolverine and his party at the far table. They scowled at them. Logan noticed.

"Oh, well if it ain't my favorite group of fellow adventurers," he called with cheerful venom. "Haven't seen you since the kelpie. How's them steel tags treatin' ya?" he asked holding out the emerald pendant around his neck.

The party's leader bit his thumb at him as they stomped out the door.

The mutant laughed.

"Really?" asked Spider-man. "That seems petty even for you."

"They started it."

Boksee raspberried.

"Those are just the Flying Swords," she said. "They're some right twats alright. Agna was a horrible bully growing up. Still, cool name though."

"Woah, woah, woah, hold the phone," said Spider-man. "Now pass the phone to me."

"What's a phone‽"

"Adventurer parties get names?"

"They can."

"Why don't we have a name?"

"Because we're not tacky," said Wyn dismissively. "Besides, we do have a name, technically. We're Boar Bramble party 478."

"EUUGH!" cried Boksee. "Well, that's changed my tune! You know paladin, we probably should have a name. I mean, we're the best party in Boar Bramble, miles ahead of these other guys."

"Technically we're only sapphire rank," grumbled Wyn.

"Come on. We've branched out 'cross country. We've taken on necromancers, fire spires, fae demons, and still going. We're gonna need a name for all the bards who are going to sing about us," she joked.

"Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends," said Spider-man making an arc with his hands.

Boksee whacked him.

"You're the reason we're only sapphire!"

They laughed.

"Really it would be Arianwyn and Her Amazing Friends," said Boksee. "And no one wants that."

"Well, I mean…" said Wyn.

"No," scolded Boksee. Then she chuckled.

"But at least you acknowledge we're amazing," continued Spider-man. "Oh, or we could go with Wolverine's naming convention. We'd be the W-Men, W for Wolverine and not Xavier. Or would we be the H-Men?"

"We can't be the any men," said Wyn. "Nih's an elf."

Nih shrugged with a smile.

"You lot can pick us out a name if you really want to," she continued getting ready to leave. "But I get veto power."

"Howlett's Howling…Hooligans," said Spider-man.

"That's awful," chuckled Boksee.

"Leaves of the field maple," said Nih pleasantly.

"Wow, that was worse!"

The team burst out laughing.

"I think the rhythm got lost in translation," he replied.

They continued chortling, so much so that other people in the adventurer hall were giving them odd looks.

"Boksee's Band of Ball Busters."

"Nih's Knot of Ne'er-Do-Wells."

More laughter.

Even Wolverine, the sour old mutant, was enjoying the ribbing, so much so that he got lost in the moment.

"Parker's Pack of Pussies," he teased with a husky laugh.

Spider-man whipped toward him, his face falling open. Logan's smiled dropped off his face as he realized what he had just done.

"Oh fu…" he muttered under his breath.

"You knew‽" demanded Spider-man seriously.

"Knew what?" asked Boksee as the three other adventurers were caught off guard by the tonal whiplash.

Wolverine let out an exasperated breath.

"Of course I knew," he admitted rolling his eyes. "I've known for years."

"But…"

"I just don't say anything to not hurt your feelings!" he patronized.

"What is going on?" asked Wyn.

Color rose in Spider-man's face.

"W-well, Parker's just my last name. You don't know my first name, so ha!"

"Oh, wait, Spider-man's name isn't Spider-man?" asked Wyn. "Is that what we're going on about?"

"Oh yah. He does have a real name," said Boksee. "I kind of forgot about that."

"Really?" asked Wolverine. "Do I really not, Petey-boy? Don't know why you make such a big deal out of it."

Spider-man stood.

"Oh, I don't know!" he snapped. "Why don't you go by your real name, James?"

Logan scowled.

"Who told you?"

"Beast."

"Hank! I'm gonna kill him!"

"Yah, we don't know where this Logan thing came from."

"My business!"

"Ooh! Sensitive subject, but what's the big deal? Right Jimmy? Mind if I call you Jimmy?"

Logan jumped to his feet.

"OY! You two!" shouted the guild master from across the room. "Take it outside!"

"Why don't we all just bring it back down," said Wyn standing herself. She put a hand to both the meta humans and slowly pushed them back into their seats. They both flopped back down unceremoniously.

"So… what's the problem here?" she asked utterly confused.

"I believe the men are upset that they both secretly knew each other's true names," said Nih. "Understandable, it does give people power over you. I am curious. Is it a cultural practice where you're from to keep it hidden?"

"Wait, Logan's name isn't Logan?" asked Boksee.

"It's Jimmy?" said Wyn.

"It ain't Jimmy!" snapped Logan.

Spider-man snorted.

Logan scowled at him.

"And Spider-man. You actually have a name? And it's Petey-boy?"

"What, no!"

Logan laughed.

Spider-man shot a web onto one of his hair spikes.

"Then what is it?" asked Wyn.

"I thought he said it was Parker," said Nih.

"That's not what he told me," said Boksee.

"Oh, so you told her then?" demanded Wolverine. "But it's such a big deal if I know huh?"

"Boksee the Ranger from Boar Bramble isn't exactly going to go whispering my secret identity into the ear of the Sinister Six, now is she?"

"But I would? You jackass. I might now!"

"Oh blow me. Did that mean more than I thought?" asked Boksee. "Have we been like betrothed this whole time or something?"

"What?" asked Wyn.

"I'm very confused," said Nih.

Spider-man sighed rolling his eyes.

"Parker's my last name," he said to the party.

"Last name?" asked Wyn.

"Implying you have more than one?" asked Boksee.

"Um, yah? Oh my gosh. I just realized! Do you all not have last names?"

"No. We have one. Like normal people. How many do you have?"

"Uh… well three is standard right?" he asked Wolverine.

"Three‽"

"Or do the first, middle, and last name count as three and then the full name counts as a fourth?"

"Rrrr, not sure."

"Then there's the alter egos."

"Got a few of those."

"And the alter egos of the alter egos."

"Pseudonyms, aliases, the names other people give you," said Logan counting with his fingers.

"Nick names."

"Titles."

"Do clones count?"

"No."

"What about online profiles?"

"Mm. Maybe."

"Men!" exclaimed Wyn.

"You two don't even know how many names you have?" asked Boksee in disbelief.

They shrugged.

"What? It's not that weird," said Spider-man. "The seasons have secret names. You all use nicknames."

"We use shorthand, and terms of endearment. The seasons, who are obviously up to illegal activities, use code names," said Wyn.

"It's not that much different."

"How do you even know if someone is talking about you?" asked Boksee.

"Gut paranoia."

Wyn threw her face in her hands.

"Just tell us what the appropriate names to address you are," said Nih calmly cutting to the point.

"Logan," said Wolverine pointing a thumb to himself. "Or Wolverine. Easy enough for ya' elf boy?"

"Quite," he replied cooly.

"And Logan is your true name?" asked Wyn.

Spider-man raspberried.

"His true name is James Howlett."

"Which one? James or Howlett?" asked Boksee.

"Both. Your full name is made out of your first, middle, and last name, except he doesn't have a middle name."

"And that yabberin' idiot is named Peter Parker."

"Ha, so you don't know my middle name. Suck it Howlett."

"Oh wow. Who cares?"

"Is that part of your true name? If you know Wolverine's true name, then it only seems fair you share yours as well," Wyn lectured.

"What?" he whined.

"That does seem fair," agreed Nih.

Wolverine looked at him smugly.

"Benjamin."

"Benjamin?" snorted Wolverine.

"What? That is a perfectly normal name!"

"Just seems a little much for you."

"At least I didn't turn my name into a pun. Wolv-erine? Howl-ett? Ugh!"

"Coincidental. Also, you sure your name ain't a pun, Peter Parkour?"

Spider-man gasped.

"And what should we address you by my snail ears?" asked Nih calmly turning to the younger man.

"Spider-man," he said. Then he sighed. "Or Peter. That's fine, I guess, whatever."

"Logan the Wolverine, and Peter the Spider-man. Is that correct?"

Both men huffed, but nodded.

"Alright," breathed Wyn. "Is that it? Are we done? That seemed like a lot of hostility over names."

"I told you, it may be culturally relevant," said Nih.

"I still don't even know what happened," said Boksee.

"Anyway," said Wyn running a hand over her scalp. "If you two are done being needlessly antagonistic, will you get ready for our quest?" she asked Peter.

"Hm? Oh, yah. I just need to go get my gear. Hey wait, is the sunken city underground?"

"Yes."

"Oh great, and Nih won't be there. That means we've got to break the torches out again. Oh! On second thought, can you give me like half an hour? I want to try something."

"Sure. Meet me at the mouth of the east road when you're ready."

"Well have fun on your exclusive quest you two," said Boksee as Wyn and Spider-man headed out.

"Can't believe I just bought a house with you," gruffed Logan.

Spider-man stuck his tongue out at him as he walked out the door.

Boksee raspberried.

"Come on Logan. We don't need them," she declared. "We can take a better quest and get it done in half the time as Ms. Clonker. Nih…" she said turning to the injured elf. "Uh, you can go… eat some mushrooms."

Nih raised an eyebrow.

"I was planning to."

Boksee smiled and grabbed Wolverine around the arm, dragging him over to the quest wall.

---

The half-hafling stared up at the desecrated remains of the day's quests.

"Hmm… um, slim pickings today," she mumbled.

Only a few sad papers hung from the old wood amongst the litany of barren tacks.

Logan crossed his arms.

"But what did I expect? It's nearly midday."

"We could go kill some boars," said Wolverine motioning to a neglected listing.

"That's not a quest, that's a chore."

"Well now, you two wouldn't be looking for a quest now, would you?" asked the guild master sauntering up beside them.

Boksee leaned past her teammate to give her father a scowl.

"A bit late isn't it?" he asked. "A diligent adventurer should be waiting every morn for the guild master to open the doors," he said smugly.

"It would be easier if the guild master was diligent enough to actually open them in the morn," she sassed back.

"I'm old. Cut me some slack. Raising you took twenty years off my life."

The father and daughter laughed.

"So old man, you just come over to chat or do you have a quest?"

"That obvious? Yah, got a late one but the day was so slow I was able to write it up. First dibs," he said handing her a paper.

The ranger took it and read it over.

"Guh! An ooze by a henhouse? Seriously? It's obsidian ranked!"

"Highest ranked quest left."

Boksee groaned.

"Ehhh, fine. Sorry Wolvie. You don't need to come for this one."

"Can I come anyway? I need money."

"What about hunting boars?"

"Can't do that later?"

Boksee chuckled.

"Fine, you can come take half my pay. At least it's conversation."

"It's always good to have a partner," lectured Boksee Sr. "Even if a quest says porcelain, fate might decide you're a gold for the day."

"Isn't that the truth."

"Or you just fall in a hole. Good to have someone around for when you fall in a hole."

"He speaks from experience on that one," whispered Boksee Jr. with a smile. "Alright, guess we're clearing out pests today. See you Dad," she called as the two adventurers took their leave and made for the door.

"See you hun! Take care of my girl Logan!"

"Bye Nih, feel better soon," she said as they passed the druid outside. She turned to Wolverine. "Let's see if we can't finish this before the paladin even gets started."

As the two began making their way through the street and toward the north road, the dark elf waved them on. They didn't notice he was wearing a cat like grin.

---

SIDEQUEST 5: THE DARK ELF SEEKS BEANS

The rain continued to drizzle as Nih tucked his arm back into his robes and calmly made his way down the street.

"Hmmmmm," he purred.

"So, my snail ears have purchased a house," he thought. "Good for them. The cultural practice of this region would suggest I gift them a house warming present, yes?"

He entered the outdoor market. Even in the mild rain, vendors were diligently manning their carts and stalls.

"What would be of interest to them? What do the houses of men typically contain? I believe Spi- Peter expressed interest in a kettle, a useful item. One I'm sure Logan would use as well."

A vendor scowled as a villager inspected a potato warily.

"Of course, the true triumph would be securing some of those beans he was fawning over so. Men can be so expressive, can't they? Like lively spring bucks," he chuckled. He enjoyed that about them sometimes. Unfortunately, there was no way he could acquire such an exclusive item so quickly. Not unless…

His ear twitched as he heard a familiar clanking. He turned to see a caravan of wagons pulling into the market from the south road.

The dark elf blinked in utter bemusement.

"Really now? What magnificent timing!"

Despite his hope and excitement, Nih continued his calm walk toward the caravan. A pair of men, male and female, likely from the far south by their appearance and dress, were setting up shop.

"Oh," said the woman spotting him. "Now what is a dark elf doing all the way up here?"

"Doing well I would say," said Nih. "I'm looking for an item. I believe it is referred to as coffee beans."

"Oh, an elf of discerning taste I see," said the male putting down some crates.

He quickly dug through a wagon and hopped out with an ornate sack.

"These are a fine dark roast all the way from 'Ard Khasiba, the most fertile soil in all the ninth kingdom."

"Is it ground and brewed as a drink?"

"Um, yes?" said the man thrown off his sales pitch. "It's coffee."

"Ah. That certainly sounds like the item he described," said Nih unphased. "What is the price?"

"A fair one I would say. Only two gold coins."

The elf's eyes opened the slightest amount, but inside he baulked.

"Two gold coins‽ For beans‽" he exclaimed in thought.

His fingers subconsciously felt the singular silver coin in his pocket.

"Thank you," said Nih pleasantly calm.

"So… would you like to purchase them?"

"Unfortunately, I do not have the funds. And as you can see, I am currently unable to earn much," he said motioning to his injured arm.

"Oh, well that's a shame. We'll be in town for a few days. Maybe you'll come up with it."

"Well what good would it do me then?" thought Nih.

"Perhaps," he answered. He gave them a little bow and turned to leave.

"Wait, hold on a moment," said the woman. "Are you an adventurer?" she asked pointing to his ruby tag.

"I am."

"Oh, do you know The Wolverine? Or The Spider-Man? There was a silver rank with them too."

"Well now," he thought.

A sly smile creeped at the edges of his mouth.

"Her name is Arianwyn," he explained. "And yes. I am well familiar with all of them. They are my party members. I was actually looking to purchase the beans for Spider-man. He and Wolverine just bought a house in town and I wanted to give them a house warming present."

"Oh! Hrm. Well, we would very much like to express our gratitude," she said fussing it over.

"But how do we know you're telling the truth?" asked the male. "You understand, we can't just give away merchandise to strangers," he said maybe more to his companion than to Nih. "Our margins are thin as is."

"I understand," said Nih pleasantly. "Unfortunately, they are all out on quests today. You can see why I did not join them."

"How then can I prove I am their party mate?" he quickly thought. "Oh!"

"But no matter. I will return with verification. Please excuse me," he said with a little bow.

---

With the clatter of the heavy wooden doors, Nih re-entered the guild hall.

"Hey dark elf," called Boksee Sr. from behind the back counter. "What brings you back here? I thought you were off eating mushrooms."

"What by the heavenly realm of the mother goddess do people around here have against mushrooms?" he thought.

"I will," he said pleasantly approaching. "I'd like to ask for your assistance. Would you please show our party que to the caravan outside?"

"I suppose I can? What for?"

"It's a bit of an explanation."

"Well, I'm clearly not doing anything," he said motioning to the empty hall.

"Hm, very well. So, Wolverine and Spider-man bought a house today so…"

"They bought a house‽"

"Yes."

"Here?"

"Yes."

"What one? It wasn't the old Dusan place was it?"

"I believe it was."

"Well blow me down!" exclaimed the old adventurer running his fingers through his large beard. "Hey, um, you might know then," he said quietly. "If they're buying a house together, are they, you know…"

"Know what?"

"You know…"

Boksee cleared his throat and wiggled his eyebrows.

Nih internally laughed.

"Oh, certainly not," he thought.

"Just… a lot of us have been trying to get a grasp of their relationship if you know what I mean. Two strange men, one twice the other's age, randomly moving into town. Now they're buying a house. We're just trying to understand, you know."

Nih smiled as he suppressed his laughter.

"They are companions. Of what I have gathered, they have a history of working with each other and have both found themselves in a strange land. Though they do seem to have a genuine, if not volatile friendship, I believe the bulk of their interactions are that of convenience."

"So they're not…"

"No. Neither man seems to have any sexual interest in the other, though, as I understand, Wolverine is at the very least willing to engage in sexual favors on the same sex."

"Woah! Ok! I was trying to avoid plain language here elf, but sure, thanks for the information."

Nih smiled and nodded.

"At least I can tell the boys at the pub what's what. I tell ya, we gossip worse than Madam Funda's back room."

"I don't even know what that is," thought Nih.

"Yes… Well, will you come with me?" he tried asking again. "I am currently trying to acquire Spider-man's house warming present."

"House warming present! By the king's beard you're right! We've got to get those boys a house warming present! What are you getting them?"

"Spider-man expressed a great interest in beans."

"Beans?"

"Very expensive beans. And I haven't thought of anything for Wolverine yet. The beans are made into a drink, so another drink would be appropriate for Wolverine as well, yes?"

"Sounds right. And you need the party que for what again?"

"Please humor me."

---

"Ah, Rahnd, Netima. I recognize you lot!" called Boksee as he and Nih made their way back to the caravan.

"Hello guild master," said Netima happily.

"Glad to see you bounced back after that Copo nonsense."

"Yes. We own the caravan now," she said revealing a marriage amulet around her neck.

"Well congratulations you two. So, you need proof the elf is with Web and Claws? Welp, here you go."

Boksee opened his massive tome to the right page and handed it to her.

"Nihlael of Sorishy, a ruby ranked dark elf druid. You'll see he's right there with the rest of them, all written in plain black ink. I can vouch for him."

"Ah, thank you guild master," said Rahnd coming up to read over Netima's shoulder.

"Hold on. Does Spider-man not have a class?" asked Netima seeing his entry. "I thought adventurers had to have classes."

"Well, they're supposed to but none of us have figured out what his is yet. He's something. I still think he looks like a rogue myself. If that's all you need Nih, I need to go find the missus."

Boksee took back his tome and took off.

"Well, you did what we asked," said Rahnd running a hand through his dark hair. "But I'm not sure we can just give away two gold coins worth of merchandise."

"Rahnd! They saved our lives!" scolded Netima.

"They're not the ones asking. A friend of theirs is asking for a gift for them."

Before Netima could argue, Nih spoke up.

"No, he makes a valid point," he said quickly redirecting the conversation. "I wouldn't ask for charity. Perhaps some sort of trade or favor could be performed?"

"Hrmm…" said Rahnd. "You said you were a druid?"

"That is correct."

"Some of our other stops heard we service a town in Nehfar. Apparently, there's a rare commodity that can only be found in these woods. An item with unique qualities that some costumers have expressed quite an interest in, if you catch my meaning. Tell me druid, you wouldn't be good at foraging mushrooms, would you?"

Nih couldn't help the smug smile that spread across his face.

---

SIDEQUEST 6: THE CUBE

Crook in hand, a shepherd and his dog were leading a flock of sheep down the north road. The damp balls of wool bleated fretfully and took off at the sight of Wolverine, much to the shepherd's chagrin as he chased after them.

"So… ooze?" grunted Logan turning to watch the show.

"Yah, probably just some little slime or jelly or something," answered Boksee. "There's a lot of caves around here and they sometimes wander up and get into trouble."

Even before they reached their destination, a group of farmhands came running.

"Thank the divine!" they cried recognizing the adventurers.

"What's going on?" asked Boksee.

"We tried to kill it! We thought we could handle an ooze but nothing phases that thing! It ate half the hens! All the roosters! And the hen house! We can't stop it!" he shouted pointing back to their farm.

"Steer clear! We'll take care of it."

The adventurers took off running.

---

A three-foot cube of gelatinous slime was slowly sliding across the barnyard. It was the color of mouthwash and glistened in the sun, a mass of small bones floating within its jiggling mass.

"Ew," said Logan flatly.

Both adventurers just stared at the strange blob.

"Uh… I don't know what that is," said Boksee.

"You don't?"

"No. That's no ooze I've ever seen before."

The cube must have sensed them somehow, because it started slowly sliding toward them.

"How do you usually deal with an ooze?"

"Walk up and kill it."

"Hrm."

Boksee pulled her bow and shot an arrow. It plunged into the slime with a slap and skid to a stop mid body. The wood and feathers dissolved leaving the metal head to float amongst the bones.

"Huh."

Logan unsheathed his claws and stepped forward to deliver a hard slash.

His adamantium sunk deep, separating the top half of the cube like Jell-O, but no sooner had he finished his attack did the sliced pieces fall back together and quickly reform into its proper shape.

"Well that's different," said Boksee.

The barbarian sliced it again, and again, it reformed.

Wolverine started walking backwards as the cube tried to charge him, bouncing vigorously as it traveled at inches per second.

"Hng hng hng!"

He slashed it over and over again. But almost like water, his claws would pass through and the jiggle would fall back into place.

"HUGH!"

With a loud snikt, he pulled his claws back in and stomped around the troublesome ooze. Boksee joined him. They looked it over trying to figure out what they were dealing with.

"Well, it doesn't dissolve metal at least," said Boksee motioning to the arrow head still in its body. "Or the bones I guess. Everything else goes though," she said pointing to the trail of barren dirt behind it in the grass.

Logan picked up and tossed a pebble. It landed on the cube's top and slowly jiggled to the edge before falling off.

"Don't like rocks neither."

Perhaps not practicing the best safety, the fearless mutant gave the jelly a poke. He dropped like a stone.

"Wolvie!"

Boksee ran up and dragged her teammate out of the way as the cube slowly turned to follow them.

Before she could even check if he was breathing, Wolverine bolted back up with a shout.

"GAH! It's got some strong paralytic or somethin'!" he snapped.

"That must be how it hunts, how it was able to eat all those chickens considering how slow it is."

"I don't care how it hunts. This fuckin' hunk of Jell-O is gettin' on my last nerve!"

Wolverine pushed himself to his feet and spotted a heavy plow amongst the farm equipment.

"Uh huh."

He jogged over and hefted the entire thing onto his shoulder. The ranger watched both impressed and concerned as Logan ran it back, took it by the beam and slammed the large flat blade into the cube like an executioner's axe.

The two halved slices sagged far apart and went still.

"Ha! Easy enough," he proclaimed turning to Boksee.

"Uhh…" she said pointing.

He whipped back around to see the halves reform into two new cubes. They both started jiggling toward them.

"Oh no!"

"Oh no you don't!" he snarled.

He ran forward and threw his plow into the new cubes again.

Four jiggling jellies oozed toward them.

"Stop that! You're just making more!" snapped Boksee.

"What's your idea then‽"

"Blow me Ms. Paladin would know how to deal with it. Um, well. It's acid right? Maybe water will do it."

"It's raining!"

"It's a drizzle. Maybe it needs more."

"Hrrrngh."

Unconvinced, Logan quickly scanned the area and spotted a large rock.

Boksee popped the stopper off her water skin and poured it across the cubes. It splashed off harmlessly.

"Huuugh, well I guess this isn't going to – AH!"

Wolverine slammed the massive rock over his head and splattered a cube like pudding.

"Gah!" exclaimed Boksee recoiling from the splash zone. "Give a gal some warning!"

"Ha! Ain't comin' back from that now are ya!" gloated Logan ignoring her.

His victory was short lived. To their horror, the adventurers watched the hundreds of splatters form into an army of tiny cubes.

"AHH!"

The jellies spread out from the rock in all directions leaving trails of naked dirt behind them like the world's slowest swarm of locusts.

"Oh no! Logan! They're heading for the crops!"

Half the cubes were slowly jiggling toward a nearby pea field.

"This is stupid! Stop it!"

He ran up to stomp on them.

"NO! If we smash them anymore we won't even be able to see them!"

Boksee grabbed a bucket and threw it over a cluster of slimes. They dissolved their way straight through the wood.

Wolverine threw down the plow again, this time using the large flat blade as a barrier. A dozen little cubes started inching their way around it.

"AH! It's in the creek!" exclaimed Boksee.

One of the larger cubes was jiggling happily through a nearby stream.

"I don't understand! How the fuck do we kill these things‽" shouted Logan.

"I don't know!" screamed Boksee. "Burn the fields and salt the ashes!" she cried. "Oh wait! Yah! Let's try that!"

"Try what?"

"Burn it! Burn it all!"

Shoving the cubes with her bucket, the ranger tried to corral them closer together.

Wolverine spotted a nearby hay barrack. He sprinted for it and grabbed up as much loose straw as he could carry.

He dashed back and threw it over the crusading cubes as Boksee popped the stopper off her booze pouch. She poured it across the straw, trying to spread it as far as it could go as Logan yanked out a flint and steel.

He squatted to the ground vigorously trying to get it to catch while avoiding the army of slimes around his legs.

"This way cubies! Tasty half-halfing right here!" called Boksee trying to lure the rest to the burn pile. She punted one with the bucket when it was too slow.

Finally, a single orange spark jumped from Logan's steel and onto a wet piece of straw.

"See you in Jell-O hell you square mother fuckers!"

A glorious wave of blue flame ignited across the booze.

"GAH!" cried Boksee just barely managing to throw herself out of the way.

The straw caught fire sending orange flames erupting into the air. Trapped amongst the inferno, the cubes small and large exploded and sizzled away.

They may have done their job a little too well.

The flame was so potent that even the wet green grass was starting to catch fire.

"Oh no!"

Boksee sprinted her bucket to the creek, water pouring out of the cube holes as she flung it back at the fire. Wolverine ran his plow through the ground, trying to head off the fire with a trench of bare dirt between it and the crops.

Eventually a twenty-foot hole of scorched grass was left in the barnyard. Thick black smoke rose into the breeze but the fire was extinguished, the crops were safe, and the cubes were finally vanquished.

The pair of adventurers, a bit singed, drenched and covered in dirt and ash panted as they looked down at their victory, the drizzling rain putting out the last red embers.

The abused plow fell over with a loud snap.

Wolverine whipped toward Boksee.

"Alright, this is what's going to happen. We're gonna go back to the guild hall, we're gonna say we did the quest, we didn't fight for our lives against a Jell-O, we didn't nearly burn a farm down, we did a great job, and we are NEVER gonna talk about this again!"

"Agreed! We can never let the paladin know!" she exclaimed grabbing her head.

"Or Spider-man!"

"Don't worry!" called another voice. "You're secret's safe with us!"

They both whipped around to see the farmhands practically falling over a fence, laughing their asses off as they watched the show.

Logan's jaw dropped open. He moved to lunge at them, but quickly gave up. Instead, he hunkered into his shoulders with a miserable scowl. Boksee couldn't help but join in the laughter.

---

SIDEQUEST 7: THE SUNKEN CITY

Wyn was armored up. Mace on hip, satchels, secondary weapons, and layers of metal plates, the paladin stood shimmering in the silver rain as she waited at the mouth of the east road. The only things she had opted to leave home was her massive shield and bow.

Pushing a few wet lavender locks from her face, she did another scan of the street. Still no sign of her team mate.

"Ready to go?"

Wyn jumped and whipped around to see Spider-man crouched on a roof above her.

"By the divine!" she snapped. "Was the cobblestone not good enough for you? What are you doing up there‽"

"I'm Spider-man. It's part of my religious upbringing to avoid floors, doors, and furniture whenever possible."

He flipped off the roof and landed in front of her.

"Is that true?"

"No."

Spider-man was in his full gear as well, suit, armor, cloak, hood… and mask.

"Hrm," said Wyn. "Seems a bit much, don't you think?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"The mask. Why are you wearing that? We're just going down the road."

"You're one to talk," he replied. "Besides, it helps me feel more professional like."

Wyn shrugged.

"Well come on then. This shouldn't take us too long."

---

Spider-man waved as they passed the stables.

"So, what's the sunken city?" he asked turning to Wyn.

"It's a ruin site not too far off the east road. It's pretty much the only thing Boar Bramble is known for."

"There, uh, seems to be a lot of ruins around here."

"Not really. You saw Rünton is where the real ruins are."

"Yah, and one of them tried to kill us. But no, I meant like the whole country."

"You think? Doesn't seem like that many to me."

Horses grazed unconcerned in the wet fields as the continued down the road.

"Speaking of which, did we even get credited for discovering that place, the Excorium I mean? Oh gosh, did we even tell anyone about it?" he asked laughing at his own thoughtlessness.

"Well, I told someone," chuckled Wyn. "And unfortunately not. The archeology society already had some other reports on the entrance, and were planning their initial investigation. They didn't believe me when I said it was the Excorium, but they'll see for themselves I suppose."

"Hope they bring some muscle. Wonder how Summer knew about it, or did he just know about the tree?"

"Who knows."

Spider-man hopped over a puddle while Wyn uncaringly clonked through it with a splash.

"So… the sunken city," he continued. "It's underground too, right? Is it a big city? What are we doing in there?"

"It's not huge or anything, at least the parts that have been uncovered. A group of archeologists ran into a grick during an excavation and requested some adventurers come take care of it."

"What's a grick again?"

"You tell me. You have been keeping up with your studies, haven't you? Unless you're happy letting Wolverine outrank you forever."

"Hey, I'm the one trying to get him to study. Uhh…" said Spider-man thinking. "Is it like a worm?"

"Yes. And defining features?"

"It's always the pop quizzes with you! UgHHH…" he thought louder. "It's purple?"

"No that's a purple worm. That would give us a fair bit more trouble. If the archeologists had come across that, I doubt they would've lived to recruit us. No, this will be a lot easier. Its tentacles are pretty strong and they've got a beak that can take a nasty chunk out of you, but it's not all that big. The most dangerous part about a grick is their ambush attacks and that's where you come in, spider brain."

"Mm."

---

Eventually abandoning the road, the pair headed down a winding side path into the woods. Cold air breathed out to meet them as they neared their destination.

Water poured from the stony overhang of a large cave. Scattered around it was a litany of primitive excavation equipment - wheelbarrows, crates, and shovels.

"This looks like the place," said Spider-man. "Sheesh, glad I bought this thing," he said pulling his cloak around him tight.

"It's a dark force that brings such coldness to the deep places of the world," agreed Wyn carefully lighting a torch out of the rain.

"I thought it was poor heat transmission," replied Spider-man snidely.

---

Venturing into the dark and dank, it wasn't too long before they saw another light up ahead. The pair pushed open a curtain and found a campsite. Magic lanterns and fluttering orb lights bobbed over desks and parchment. Crates of artifacts were haphazardly stacked about the chamber and shelves were heavy with equipment.

A trio of archeologists noticed the adventurers walking in.

"Oh! Hello!" called one pushing a pair of eye loupes off her face and into her hair. The quill that was taking notes for her gently floated back into its inkwell. "Are you adventurers? Have you taken our quest?" she asked as the three put down their projects and hurried over.

"We have," said Wyn pulling out the quest paper. "I'm Arianwyn and this is The Spider-Man."

"Wow," she said looking over Wyn's impressive armor and Spider-man's striking ensemble. "We didn't put up that much of a reward. Wait. Are you a silver rank? The guild master said it would be a steel."

"Don't worry. It was. We just needed an easy pay."

"Lucky us!"

"I didn't even know there were adventurers like you in Boar Bramble," commented another.

"Well, we are a bit of a marvel."

At Wyn's statement, Spider-man furrowed his masked eyebrows.

"Hmm."

---

An archeologist uncurled a map across a desk. It depicted a series of annotated tunnels and caverns.

"Our camp is here," he said pointing to a small chamber near the surface. "We were here on the lower street when the grick attacked. It was a mess, but we managed to scare it back into the west chasm," he said moving his finger far deeper into the cave system. "We've barely began to look in there so we have no idea where it might have gone."

"How long ago?" asked Wyn.

"It was yesterday, before noon. We haven't dared to go back into the city since," he said holding up a bandaged arm.

"Ouch," said Spider-man.

"At least we found that new sink up here to keep us occupied," commented another.

Wyn looked over the map.

"Do you have a copy of this?" she asked. The first archeologist nodded. He brought out a large sheet of parchment and laid it over the map.

"Praecipio tibi ut resurgat et multiplicetur…" he chanted running his glowing hands slowly across the paper. The ink markings from the page beneath were duplicated on the one above.

He handed them the new map.

"Neat," said Spider-man.

Wyn nodded.

"We'll get the job done. Is there anything else we should know?"

"Be careful of flooding. It's been raining all day and the water can rise, especially in the lower chambers."

"And please, don't break anything. In fact, don't touch anything unless you have to, especially with bare hands."

Spider-man looked down at his gloves.

"Done."

And with that, the adventurers were off.

---

The torch breathed and plumed as the pair descended a ladder down into the cavernous sunken city. The one source of light, the small flame, was like a lone submersible lowering into the black depths of the ocean.

Reaching an ancient cobbled street, they dismounted and tried to get their bearings. Spider-man aimed the torch behind them revealing a small stone house caught in the murk.

"Alright. I'm seeing the sunken, not so much the city."

He turned to Wyn and saw her eyes were wide. She was staring at the ruins with an unblinking terror.

"Hey, hey," he said quickly grabbing her arm.

She snapped out of it.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Ruins. They get me sometimes."

"You alright?"

"Of course," she said firmly. "Just some old buildings."

Wyn pulled out the map.

Spider-man tried to see more of the area, but their flickering light didn't show much. They were a dim orange bubble, darkness surrounding them on all sides, spanning in all directions for unknowable depths.

"Hey, I need the light."

"Oh, sorry."

He aimed the torch back over Wyn and took a moment to attach a web shooter to his left wrist.

"We're in the east upper wing, here," she said pointing. "Let's head this way."

---

Was there such a thing as a ghost of the future? Instead of the lingering whispers of the past, an echo from the far distant future reenacts a memory? If there was, they were it. The two adventurers began walking the road, traveling the entombed pavers just as the long dead people of the city once did.

Their torch light loomed over the ancient buildings - stone columns, and windows, and doorways - revealing them, manifesting them from the void with harsh shadows and twisting flames. The light held them there as the adventurers passed, then silently allowed them to return to their endless slumber in the black.

The east wing seemed to be a residential area. Like Rünton, the buildings were taller than the ones modern Strana built. Spider-man couldn't tell how tall, but tall enough that his torch light didn't reach the top floors. It was strange, the old buildings seemed more modern than the modern ones, though obviously not on par with the architecture of his own world. Still, these buildings were recognizable as multilevel apartments.

"So why did people stop building like this?" he asked.

"Because no one knows how to do it anymore," replied Wyn casually.

"Wha- really? No one?"

"No. These ruins are from the Chiliadal Empire, just like the ones in the Ashen, or in Rünton.

"What's the Chiliadel Empire?"

"Well, most people just call it the ancient empire, but no one knows what its true name was."

Their torch passed over the base of a monolith.

"Thousands of years ago," she explained. "Longer ago then the oldest elf, there was a great empire. It originated from the south, we believe, and its people spread and conquered their way across the entire world, bringing with them their great technologies, culture, and knowledge. The world went on like this for a thousand years. Then one day, the sun set and when it rose the next morning, the empire was gone. The world was reset, and nearly all the ancient empire had done and learned was lost."

"What? Just like that? You don't know what happened?"

"No, no one does."

"How can you not know what happened?"

"We're trying to learn. There are scholars who study the ruins like the ones back at the camp, and there are scholars who study the memories - found words, and songs, and recollections of ancient creatures, but there's no consensus. Some think it simply got too big, like a great tower buckling under its own weight. Others think the empire became too decadent and spiraled into hedonism. Others just say they challenged the gods and the gods won."

The pair walked up a wooden staircase that had been built over another fallen monolith.

"You know, I started having an idea myself. It's just my own little thought, but maybe empires and countries, civilizations I suppose, are like people. They're born, they grow, and eventually they must die. Even if nothing kills them, like an old man in his bed, eventually, they just have to die, and sometimes it's just as sudden."

The road suddenly branched in two, twisting around a towering statue. A ghost in of itself, its stone eyes focused on the far-off distance of a far-off time.

"But you know," said Wyn as they continued around it. "The world went on. Eventually new kingdoms arose. New wars, and conquests, and alliances, and trade routes… and the old empire simply became part of the ground."

---

They reached a cliff, or at least they assumed it was a cliff anyway, as the ground ended and they couldn't see any more. Trickles of water ran over the edge and a decrepit guard rail had been knocked from its perch. An excavation tag marked the location.

"This should be the lower chasm," said the silver rank assessing the map. "The road down should be this way, through the market and down to the lower street."

"Or… we could take the direct route," offered Spider-man.

He shot a web on the ground and held out his arm.

"Oh, um, good point."

Awkwardly, apprehensively, Wyn took the torch and wrapped herself around the man. Her eyes went wide as he clasped her waist tightly.

"Please keep your hands and feet on your spider man at all times. Doggy bags are available for air sickness upon request."

With no warning, Spider-man leapt from the cliff, causing Wyn to cry out and clutch him tight.

"Don't worry. I've got you," he said as they began to descend. "I'm a professional. Guh! Watch the knee!"

As the spider lowered them down on his silken strand, waves of flowstone, like petrified waterfalls, glistened in the torch light beside them. Pattering, splattering streams fell from the ground above. Wyn saw their light reflecting below them in ripples.

With a loud kerplunk, they landed in frigid ankle-deep water.

"UuuUuuGhhHG!" groaned Spider-man as the bottom of his tights were soaked.

Wyn quickly hopped off.

"This wouldn't be a problem if you wore shoes," she teased.

"Shoes are not conducive for stick-'em powers!"

Wyn handed back the torch and brought out the map.

"The west chasm is through a small passage. That's where they last saw the grick. It should be just ahead, this way," she said pointing. Spider-man, looking at the map over her shoulder, noticed there was a note written above the passage in question.

"What's a crawler?" he asked.

---

The passage wasn't even two foot tall. It was nothing but a long crack in the bottom of the cliff face and half flooded.

"Oh," said Spider-man.

"That's the eighty-fifth marker there," said Wyn pointing. "This is it."

"And here I didn't bring my swim cap."

They stared down at it, both letting out a few concerned huffs.

"Let me go first," said the younger man. "I can sense if there's danger and I'm pretty familiar with tight creepy crawls."

Wyn nodded.

"Oh, and I'll take the torch."

After tying up his cloak, and the paladin tying up her hair, Spider-man took the light then dropped to his fingers and toes, legs splayed out frog style in his iconic crawl.

"Ugh!" exclaimed Wyn.

"What?"

"Maybe you just don't realize you're an Aranea. You're scuttling!"

"What? This isn't even like a four on my scuttle scale, which I keep diligent track of," added the hero with cheek. "If you wanna see a scuttle, find me a set of stairs and I'll do the Exorcist for you. It freaks Logan out. It's hilarious. Not that you know what that is," he said starting into the passage.

"I know what an exorcist is."

As Spider-man's red spandexed feet disappeared into the cliff face, the paladin lowered herself into the water. Unlike her teammate, she was forced down onto her elbows, her armored belly dragging the ground. Undeterred, she followed behind him into the tight squeeze.

Now, Spider-man was no stranger to tight confinements. Air vents and drop ceilings weren't nearly as spacious, straight, or even clean as the movies made them seem. As he made his way through the gritty tunnel, head and back scraping the rocks above him, and even one handed, he had to concede it wasn't so bad. The fire at his face and the frigid water at his chin were the worst parts. That… and the thousands upon thousands of pounds of solid ground inches above his scalp.

His pulse quickened.

How many feet of rock and dirt were hanging above him? How much would that weigh? How much does a square foot of rock weigh? If this came down, literally closed two feet… If the cave shifted or… no, no. This was all stable. This was fine. He was fine.

He told himself this, but the water was so high and the ceiling was so low. His mask was damp. He hated a wet mask. It was the cold and the dirt, gosh, it was the smell of dirt. He despised the smell of wet dirt. Wet dirt below him, above him, on all sides…

"Slow down! I'm losing the light!"

Spider-man stopped with a splash. He contorted himself to see Wyn several yards behind. He hadn't realized he had been hurrying.

"Oh, sorry."

It took her a minute a vigorous army crawling, but the paladin caught up. She splashed up beside him with a pant.

"Are you alright?" he asked noticing she was flushed.

"Fine."

"You're really red."

"I'm red," she said, her expression twisting into some strange look of incredulity. "Because we're sopping wet and my face was at your heels! Why‽ Why do you refuse to wear trousers‽ I nearly witnessed sights no maiden should ever see!"

Spider-man's mouth dropped open, his own hidden face going red. Then he couldn't help but laugh at the embarrassment.

Wyn joined him.

---

Finishing their slog through the crawler, the pair pulled themselves out of the tight crevice and into the west chasm. The claustrophobia of a rocky overbearing ceiling was replaced with the agoraphobia of an unknowable black abyss. What they could see showed a canyon filled with nooks and fissures.

Not seeing anything amiss, they began searching it over. In not too many steps they found themselves staring up into the twisting draperies of a dead end.

"Hm, not seeing any giant squid worms," said Spider-man. "Not sensing any either."

"It must have moved higher."

They aimed the light up, casting its gnarled shadows across the towering stone formations.

"If it's still here at all."

"I'll go poke around," said Spider-man. "See if I can't find it."

"Do you need another blade? Your little dagger won't do much."

"Um, oh, here. How about I just skulk up there and try to lure it out. I love being the distraction. I'll web it up, it falls, and you can, uh, finish the job."

"Hm. Good plan."

"Hey, I've gotta make sure you know you picked the right guy," he said throwing a thumb at himself.

"One suggestion."

Wyn pulled a second torch from her bag and lit it on the first.

"Yah, being able to see might be useful," he said accepting it. "Well, cheers!"

With that, the hero threw a web line and leapt into the air. He swung upside down back through the chasm and flipped onto a high cave wall.

"Now, if I were a giant squid worm, where would I slink away to?" he asked crawling across the flowstone.

The flames of his torch arced as he leapt across the canyon and onto an opposite wall.

"Oh wait. I don't need to be a squid worm. I'm already a level ten slinker."

"Do you usually talk to yourself?" called Wyn from far below.

"Hey don't interrupt the monologue! It's essential!"

Hopping back and forth, up and down across the chasm, the mutate probed his senses for the threat.

He spotted a particularly deep fissure.

"Hm, that seems like a promising slink hole.

He hopped up to straddle it and his spider sense gave a ping.

"Ah ha! Got ya," he said aiming his torch into the stoney opening. He didn't see anything. "Eh, must be way back in there. Not really interested in squeezing myself into another tight hole, especially one with a squid worm."

Spider-man pulled his dagger from his hip and rattled it loudly against the wall.

"HEELLLOO!" he called obnoxiously. "Worm boy! Tasty spider and spandex right here!"

Nothing happened.

"Eh, fair. I hear spandex taste terrible."

Spider-man crouched back on his haunches, putting a hand to his chin.

"Well if I can't bait him out, maybe I can aggravate him out. What's the most annoying thing I can think of?"

He stuck his head inside the fissure.

"Yes, hello," he called. "We've been trying to reach you about your cave hole's extended warranty…"

Spider sense!

Spider-man laughed as he flipped up and out of the way as four flailing tentacles shot from the fissure.

"What do you know? Even cave worms know to hate phone scammers!"

The horse sized worm threw itself out of the hole, hanging in the air like a massive eel. It twisted itself to spot him on the wall above.

"Which unfortunately puts them above the elderly."

The grick's tentacles flowered open to reveal a massive chitinous beak. Its leathery body ungulated and pulsed as it moved to lunge at him.

"Nuh uh uh."

In a glorious halo of fire, the hero leapt from the wall and spun a web around the grick's writhing face tendrils, hogtying them, then landing on the opposite side of the chasm.

"Wooh, almost put out the torch with that one."

He tossed his light into the air and threw a pair of web lines at the bound worm. With one hard yank he pulled it from its hole and sent it tumbling down into the dark.

Holding out his hand, he caught his torch.

It only took a moment, but within seconds of hearing the loud splash below, Spider-man heard a terrible squealing shriek. He leapt down and landed just in time to see Wyn deal the finishing blow. She threw herself toward the grick as it tried to flee, sending her massive spiked mace careening into its boneless head. Blue blood and rubbery chunks splattered.

Wyn smiled and raised herself back up.

"Well, that went off without a hitch," she praised pulling out a cloth and wiping her blood splattered face. "Fantastic work! I have to ask. Are spider men native to caves, because I was impressed before but the way you handle the subterranean, well, you'd give a platinum a run for their money."

Spider-man just gave her a silent thumbs up.

Her brow furrowed.

"Hold still for a few minutes," she instructed.

"What? Why?"

"You'll see. Just stand still and quiet."

Spider-man shrugged but complied. They stood still in the shin deep water, torches burning, and waiting. Eventually he saw why. A spotless white fish, tiny and blind swam past their ankles and toward the dead grick. It happily began nibbling at the splattered flesh. More followed- fish, and crayfish, and salamanders. They came through the murky brown water ignoring the adventurers to partake in the rare feast.

"I know you still don't like killing things," said Wyn. "Even monstrous cave worms apparently, but look. The death of one can bring life to many."

The young hero watched the merry fish.

"Yah," he replied. "But that doesn't always make it…"

Spider sense!

"LOOK OUT!"

Spider-man jumped at Wyn but he was too late.

A wall of water surged over the top of the chasm, crashing down on them like a brick wall.

Wyn was slammed to the ground, her face smacking against the rocky bottom and held there by the torrent. She couldn't see! It was perfect darkness. Both torches were extinguished.

Water shot up her nose and stormed around her. She tumbled like a ragdoll, crushed and dragged by the pitch black current. The paladin clawed and kicked, but wasn't able to get her feet under her. She was unable to swim in full armor, and had no clue how far she was from the surface!

Then, she could start to see again. It was nothing but muddy swirling water but she could see.

It didn't matter! She was desperate for air! The water surged. Her chest convulsed. Her limbs flailed. She struggled to not gag on the hot liquids running down her throat.

An arm grabbed around her and wrenched her upwards.

Wyn breeched the surface and gasped, then choked, then gasped some more.

"Hang on!" shouted Spider-man.

Wyn got enough of her wits back to see Spider-man was single handedly pulling them out of the violent water. He was fighting the surging waves, holding them with… a glowing web line?

Another wave sent them crashing into the canyon wall. Before it could pull them backwards, Spider-man grabbed ahold and climbed them out of the water.

"Grab onto my back!" he gasped. "Hang on!"

Still coughing, Wyn obeyed and clasped her metal arms around his neck, giving him back both hands.

With incredible speed, Spider-man scaled the cave wall and threw them over the edge and onto a higher level.

Wyn fell off him and continued to cough and hack, trying to clear her wet lungs, but she couldn't. She couldn't breathe!

Spider-man grabbed her by the armor and started pulling it off.

"We've got to get this stuff off you!"

She recoiled and tried to move away but he chased her down.

"Wyn!"

She let out a gargling screamed, launching a metal boot into his knee.

"AHGHG!HH!"

He tackled her, forcing her to the ground like a sheep for shearing, holding her down with the weight of an ox. Her heart spun out of her chest as the man undressed her. She tried to scream again, only choking, but as quickly as it started it was over.

Her armor fell to the ground with a clatter and Spider-man hopped off, pulling her to her knees. He whacked and thumped her hard on the back, forcing the water from her lungs to come spewing out of her mouth.

It just kept coming. She curled over, hot liquid running over her lips and splattering in front of her. Her teammate was saying something but she didn't hear. He was rubbing and patting between her shoulder blades, a spare hand moving to pull the filthy soaked hair from her face.

Eventually, she managed to stop and took a clean, free breath.

"Are you ok?" asked Spider-man.

Wyn took another deep breath. She nodded.

"I'm so sorry for manhandling you! You were drowning! I could see it! I had to!"

Still shell shocked, she just nodded.

"Spider-man," she rasped.

"Yah‽"

"Are you alright?"

Spider-man baulked.

"Are you kidding‽ I'm fine!" he exclaimed in disbelief. "You nearly drowned! I couldn't find you!"

"Yah, stupid," she scolded herself. "We were even warned to be wary of flooding. I should hand over my rank for that one."

Spider-man ran his hands over his face in exasperation, then yanked off his mask with a wet slap.

"Ughhgh." He fell flat on his back. "Wyn. I think we found a serious flaw with your armor set up," he groaned.

Instead of answering, Wyn finally noticed why they could still see. The other man had a glob of the glowing webbing shot against his chest. It shown a brilliant white, as bright as sunlit snow.

"Spider-man, is your web… glowing?"

"Huh?" he asked pulling his head up. "Oh. Yah."

"I didn't know it could do that."

Spider-man let out a sigh, coming back down from the adrenaline and sitting up.

"Well, it couldn't," he grunted. "Not before. I meant to tell you all, I've started working with potions again. Gustel and I figured out I could imbue my webbing with them. This one's a light potion." He rolled back his sleeve revealing his web shooter. "I know it's not the most exciting thing in the world, but I thought it might come in handy in a cave."

He crawled over to the edge of the cliff and shot a web bullet back down into the black chasm. It splattered against a far wall below, lighting the area, and showing how high the water had now risen.

"I think it's brilliant," said Wyn.

"Looks like we won't be getting back out that way," said Spider-man seeing the crawler passage was completely submerged. "Do you remember seeing any other way out of here?"

"No, and the map is pulp."

Spider-man huffed.

"Well," he said pushing himself to his feet. "Guess there's nothing to do now but look for another exit."

The hero leapt into the air. Alternating between his usual webbing for swinging and the new glowing web to see by, he went searching around the large cave chamber.

The silver rank below just watched. If the sapphire was creepy on the ground, he was pure elegance in the air. This was only the second time she had seen him in his element, and it truly looked like nothing she had seen before. Leaping, spinning, swinging. It was like seeing a caged bird finally getting to take flight. No wonder he complained about the short buildings.

Even the webbing, which she usually found all but repulsive had taken on a new light, literally. The delicate strands of silk hung like celestial threads from the cave ceiling. More and more of the towering chamber and the ruins held within were revealed as he continued his search. New columns and windows and doorways emerged from the darkness. A neighborhood was beginning to take shape.

Wyn noticed her teammate was moving faster, throwing himself into random walls and divots. She could hear him becoming agitated. With a final shout, he landed in front of her.

"There's no way out!" he exclaimed. "How can there be no way out‽"

"It's alright."

"No it's NOT alright! We're trapped! We're buried!"

"It's alright!" she asserted firmly jumping to her feet to meet him. She could see a panic in his eyes.

She grabbed his arm.

He snapped to her.

"We are not buried," she asserted again, this time with more care. "We're just stuck. The water rose, the water will recede. We just have to wait it out. We're not in immediate danger."

Spider-man thought, then nodded.

"R-right. Right, you're right. We're just stuck in a cave. No big deal," he said running a hand through his short wet hair. "I mean, if we were here for a long time it would be bad but it probably won't be that long, statistically…" he rambled. "It's fine. It's fine."

"It is fine," she agreed. "Spider-man," she asked honestly. "Are you afraid of caves?"

"No! I don't care about caves at all! What I don't like is being trapped underground. I don't like tight, dirty, wet, suffocating…places!"

"But that's not where we are."

"What?"

She motioned behind him.

Spider-man turned to see that in his panic he had lit the entire chamber. A whole neighborhood had been revealed. Levels and levels of streets and homes and statues and towers. They stood together in the light for the first time in a thousand years.

"Oh."

He flopped back to the ground.

Wyn sat to join him.

"Ah, there's the problem," she said pointing out a large sunken area. "The water must have built up there until spilling over. What horrific timing."

"Yah," breathed Spider-man settling.

They sat quietly, taking in the view of the ancient city.

"How long will the glow last?" asked Wyn.

"An hour. But don't worry. I've still got the whole cartridge. I was saving it." He huffed. "So much for an easy pay check."

"We accomplished our quest quickly and effectively. Things like this happen in the world regardless of your skill or occupation."

"But we could have been better prepared. I'm sorry Wyn, but you're a silver ranked adventurer. Shouldn't you know better than to lug forty pounds of armor into a wet cave?"

She scowled.

"My armor has saved my life more times than I can count. I'm much more likely to be killed by not wearing it."

"But it can't always be practical, can it?"

Wyn bristled and looked back to the city.

"It helps me feel more professional like," she said cooly.

Spider-man grumbled a sigh and looked over his shoulder at the water below. "Guess we've got nothing to do now but wait."

He took off his gloves and rubbed his hands together.

Wyn rubbed up and down her arms.

They were both soaked to the bone with cold water in a cold cave.

"You know," said Wyn. "I don't think it ever really sunk in."

"What did?"

"That you and Claws are from a different world, a different realm of existence. I mean, I know you told us but, I don't know, I just kind of accepted it. I never really thought about what that really meant. What is your world like?" she asked. "What's it look like?"

"Oh, um, well, it looks a lot like this one," he explained. "Most of the plants are the same, same blue sky. There's a lot more people, and much more infrastructure."

"What was your job there? You told me once, something about criminals but I can't really remember."

"Yah. I catch criminals. Big criminals. Criminals that the authorities can't handle. I beat 'em down, web 'em up, and just try to protect everyone I come across."

"So, you're like a bounty hunter?"

"Well…no. I don't go after people who have bounties on them. That's not really a thing where I'm from. Oh! Actually! I think I'm the only one that's actually had money on his head," he laughed.

"Why?" asked Wyn surprised. "What did you do?"

"It's complicated. Saving the day requires breaking a lot of laws."

She gave him a look.

"And that pays?"

"Well, no. I have a day job."

"Why don't you just work as an adventurer? You're very good at it."

"Because adventurers aren't a thing where I'm from either."

"Oh," she said puzzled. "Who does quests then? The authorities surely can't handle everything. Who handles daily troubles or wandering monsters?"

"My world doesn't really have monsters, not like the ones you're thinking of. All the monsters and ghoulies, the things we used to be afraid of, those were all slain long ago, if they ever existed at all. If they've survived, they're so forgotten they might as well be myth."

Wyn moved to speak but Spider-man beat her to it.

"We aren't afraid of what lurks in the woods anymore. We're afraid of what lurks in the streets. I guess there's some extradimensional beings and a space alien every so often but really, as far as most people are concerned, the only monsters left in my world, are people. Everything's so complicated. It all just keeps stacking on itself over and over and over again. There aren't adventurers who go off to save the town from trolls and dragons. There are only people like me, and Wolvie, and tons of everyday people who all just do our best to keep it all from falling apart… even if that means being seen as the bad guy."

"Is that why it's so important to guard your names?"

"Yah. Wouldn't you know it. Authorities don't like it when you break the law, and bad guys don't like it when you stop them from breaking the law. If they found out who you were they'd hunt you down, lock you up, kill you, torture and murder your friends and family. It's all a mess really," he said with a laugh.

Wyn wasn't laughing. She reached down beside him and picked up his mask. She looked at it, and then held it up before him.

"And that's what this is about too?"

"Yah."

She looked down at the mask again, really considering it, then looked down to her own piles of armor. She added the mask to it.

Silence once again reclaimed the pair.

Ground water dripped off roofs and streamed down cobbled streets. A fat trickle splashed down directly on the head of a statue, as it must have for hundreds of years. Its face had been eroded away.

"Well… Peter," said Wyn. "Do you mind if I call you that?"

"Nah, it's fine. That cat's out of the bag."

"I must say. It seems like a rather humble name for such an eccentric man."

"You would think that, but actually I'm named after the eighty-fourth king of the spider dynasty, the most powerful ruler in my direct lineage."

"WHAT‽ Really‽"

"Ha no. None of that's true. I'm a pleb. My name means rock."

"Rock‽"

She gave him a friendly slug in the arm.

"Ironic for someone so full of hot air, right?" asked Spider-man.

"Well Peter, your rockiness, you've given me a lot to think about. I'll give you that."

"And you'll have plenty of time to do it," he sassed. "You know, since we're trapped in here for the foreseeable future."

"If only I had my class compendium with me."

"W-what? My class?" asked Peter flabbergasted. "That's what you're thinking about‽"

"Well, yah. You've given me a lot of good information. I think I…"

Spider sense!

Spider-man grabbed Wyn and threw them both out of the way as dirt and rock came tumbling down. A lit hole was left in the ceiling.

They heard distant shouting above them.

"Are you alright?" a voice called.

"Yah. The rain must have weakened it out," answered another.

"By the divine! Look at what's down here!"

Wyn and Spider-man walked back under the hole and looked up to see the archeologists, shovels in hand, looking down into the new neighborhood.

"Hey!" shouted Spider-man. "What about us? Are we ok?" he called.

The archeologists baulked and threw their heads over to see the two adventurers standing in their light.

"Heavens! Are you two alright?"

"Now that's better."

"Did you two bring that down?" asked an archeologist pointing to the pile of rocks and dirt.

"What? No! We weren't anywhere near that!"

"Oh, I guess it really was us."

"Well, that works for us. Ready?" asked Spider-man turning to Wyn. She was already finishing relatching her armor. She squeezed the water out of her hair and handed him his mask.

"Ready."

Much to the archeologists' surprise, Spider-man, re-masked, grabbed the paladin and threw up a web line yanking them both up and out of the sink hole.

---

It was evening by the time Wyn and Spider-man, payment in hand, closed the guild hall doors behind them. With the distant rumble of far-off thunder, the day's long rainy drizzle seemed to have finally passed.

"Well, I'm going to need another bath now," said Spider-man.

"You seem to take a lot of those."

"But at least I can do it in my own house now. Woah! That's right! I almost forgot! I have a house now!"

"There's no way your house has a bath in it," Wyn chuckled. "Well, enjoy your evening. I've got some work at the convent I need to take care of, and a compendium that needs scouring. Might swing by the pub."

"No! Don't do that!"

Spider-man looked at the little sack of coins in his hand.

"I really should be doing something more responsible with my paycheck, but I was reminded today that life is short. I've got a better idea!"

---

SIDEQUEST 8: HOUSEWARMING

Warm orange light shown from the clean windows of the little cottage. The door was open letting the evening air breathe in and out.

Wolverine was at his counter top. With his burly hands, he grabbed up a ball of dough and tossed it in the air with a spin. It began to form into a disk.

"Why do you know how to spin pizza dough again?" asked Peter.

"If I were you, I wouldn't be askin' questions and just be grateful."

The younger man was cutting thin slices of cheese beside him.

"I didn't say I wasn't grateful; I just want to know. I mean, it seems like a very specific skill, a skill that involves making pizza."

"That's some fancy bread work barbarian!" said Boksee. "You're going to have to show my ma."

She had been the first one to arrive by several hours. Her family had wanted her to drop off their house warming gift with enough time to use it. A handsome new cooking pot was sat over the hearth.

Boksee gave it another stir.

"Petey-boy, is this ready yet?"

"Oh gosh. Don't call me that," he laughed as he hurried over. He looked into the pot at the simmering red sauce. Taking the spoon, he stole a fingertip's worth to taste.

"Oh crap."

"What‽"

"Needs more garlic."

"Well get to it then."

Spider-man grabbed up a half-used garlic clove from their basket and started mincing the rest of it. He added more oil to their little skillet and joined Boksee at the hearth to cook it.

"May I come in?"

They turned to see Nih at the door with a smile.

"Hey!" called Peter. "Of course. Come on in!"

"I apologize," he said looking around. "I seem to be early."

"Nah, we're late."

Nih stopped and watched in awe at Logan spinning the large dough disk over his head.

"I see pizza requires quite the unique baking technique."

"You're telling me," said Boksee.

The old mutant put down his finished dough and wiped his hands.

"Alright, this is ready when you two are."

"I'm waiting on Spider-man," said Boksee.

"Figures."

"I've brought housewarming gifts," said Nih.

"Aw elf boy, ya shouldn't've," said Logan with some ribbing.

"The caravanners suggested a favorite spirit from their home land," said the dark elf handing him an opaque bottle.

Wolverine's eyebrows shot up.

"Oh, well thank ya'," he said changing his tune. He pulled out the stopper and gave it a sniff.

"They said if you dilute it with water, it will turn white."

"Why would I want to do a thing like that?"

"Peter, I believe I have brought something you will find especially enjoyable."

"Oh really?"

Abandoning his garlic, Spider-man hurried over. Nih revealed an ornate bag. The man's eyes went wide as he recognized its lumpy shape.

He gasped.

"Is that…"

He snatched it out of his hand, much to the elf's delight, and stuck his face in it. He gasped again.

"It is! It's coffee! You got me coffee!"

"I'm so pleased it's the right-"

Peter squeed and grabbed up Nih in a bear hug that pulled him straight off the ground, robes and hair flailing.

"You crazy son of a bitch," laughed Boksee. "You actually managed to get some of those fancy beans? How?"

Still being held in the air, Nih casually replied.

"Mushrooms."

"What?" whined Boksee.

Spider-man dropped his teammate and ran off toward the hearth.

"I'm gonna make some right now!"

"Coffee with pizza?" asked Logan skeptically.

"I haven't had caffeine in a month!"

"Spidey your garlic!" exclaimed Boksee yanking the smoking skillet away from the fire.

"Oh crap!

"Can't you cook anything without burning it‽" snapped Logan.

---

"Alright, I think it's ready," said Peter excitedly peering into the oven.

Logan shoved him out of the way and gave it a look.

"Yep."

Using a forked stick, Wolverine reached in and pulled out a beautiful golden pizza.

He slid it onto a sliced log they were using as a table. Already sat on the floor around it, Wyn, Boksee, and Nih clapped.

"A dish from your far-off home world," said Wyn excitedly.

"And as I understand one of Peter's favorites," added Nih.

"Hey wait. Ugh! Mushrooms? Seriously?" complained Boksee.

"Oh yah. We added them on last second," said Spider-man. "We didn't see any at the market but Nih was so kind to find us some."

She gave the elf a scowl who gave her a smug grin in return.

"Oh well now you're just asking for it," she snarked.

"I wish I would have known we were supposed to bring house warming presents," interrupted Wyn sourly staring at the cooking pot.

"It's common courtesy paladin. But then again, I'm not sure how you could top beans."

They looked to Spider-man at the counter. He was absolutely giddy as he finally poured his pitch-black drink into a wooden cup.

"I… I don't suppose anyone else wants any?" he asked fearfully.

"It's ok. We wouldn't ask you for your precious beans," said Wyn and the others nodded.

"Oh thank the lord! Ale's fine then, right?"

He poured them all a drink, and then using his sticky fingers, was able to bring over all the cups at once and hand them out.

Grabbing his coffee, he took his seat at the bootlegged table and stared at their cheesy, carb filled creation.

"My gosh. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. All the hours of labor were worth it."

"You haven't even tasted it yet," grumped Wolverine coming over.

"I know it in my heart."

"How do you eat it?" asked Wyn.

Logan threw out a claw and sliced it into eights.

"Oh, I see."

"Ew," said Peter. "Now you're going to get pizza juice in your blood stream or something."

Logan rolled his eyes as he put his claw away and sat down. He looked down at their creation, and not even a grump like him could help but let out a pleased sigh.

"Itadakimasu," he said clasping his hands. "Alright everyone, dig in."

The party all grabbed a slice.

"Hope no one is lactose intolerant," said Spider-man excitedly catching the waterfall of cheese coming off his piece and looping it back around.

Nih looked at the amount of dairy warily.

Wyn took a bite.

"By the divine! This can't just be cheese and tomato on bread!" she exclaimed.

"Well, it's a bit more than that," said Boksee picking off the mushrooms and taking a bite herself. "But blow me! This is unexpectedly delicious."

"That is the magic of pizza," said Peter.

"Is it actually magical or are you just speaking figuratively?"

"You shouldn't eat magic," said Nih happily chewing.

Putting down his glorious golden Italian, Spider-man picked up his cup of coffee. He took a deep huff, then indulged in a strangely long drink of the scolding hot liquid. He let out a noise of rapturous pleasure.

"AHHHhHh! I feel alive again!" he cried.

"Good thing you just bought a house," joked Boksee. "So now you have a room you can take that to. Heavens."

The table chuckled.

As the evening went on and the team enjoyed their meal, Wyn spoke up.

"So, you two have been the talk of the town," she said to Boksee and Wolverine.

They both went wide eyed.

"I can't believe there was a wandering gelatinous cube in town. It's a wonder you all were able to handle it."

"R-really?" asked Boksee.

"Absolutely. Those things are an exceptionally dangerous dungeon encounter. Then again, you were out in the open with a small one as I understand."

"How'd you even find out about that?" demanded Logan.

"Well, a few lads were laughing about it, but your father quickly put them straight," she said at Boksee.

"WHAT‽" she exclaimed. "He didn't do that for us! He just laughed!"

Peter started cracking up while deepthroating a long strand of cheese.

Logan whacked him on the back of the head.

"Choking hazard!" he gagged. He fell to the floor trying to hack it back up as Wyn scrambled over and started hammering him between the shoulder blades.

"I like this pizza," said Nih pleasantly unphased as he grabbed a second slice.

Spider-man coughed up something like a cat making the women squig.

"I'm ok," he said sitting back up.

"So, my near-death aside. That reminds me," said the youngest man nearly as unphased as Nih. "I think I have a word we can use in our party name. So hear me out. Wyn, it's unique and kind of incredible that you're a silver rank in Boar Bramble right?"

"Right," said Wyn raising an eyebrow.

"And Boksee you're incredible and unique because there's hardly anyone like you."

"A kickass little spit of a ranger," added Logan plainly.

Boksee blushed and looked like she didn't know what to do with her face.

"It's incredible and unique that there's a dark elf all the way up here in Strana right?" asked Spider-man to Nih.

"That is true," he agreed.

"A dark elf druid is quite unusual of itself, as I understand," said Wyn.

"Indeed."

"And Wolvie and I aren't even from here so you know we're unique."

"And incredible," said Boksee.

"Shucks."

"You've made your point," said Wyn with a smile. "I assume there's a word that's caught your eye that means unique and incredible."

Peter nodded.

"You actually already called us it earlier Wyn, marvels."

The team perked at the suggestion.

"There's a few people that use the name back home," explained Spider-man. "And I think it fits us well."

"One of my favorites," said Wolverine with a familial grin.

"I do like it," said Boksee. "But it needs more."

"We could be the Boar Bramble Marvels," suggested Wyn. "It's common to name yourself after your guild hall."

"It's too cumbersome," argued Boksee. "It needs two words tops."

"Strana Marvels?" asked Spider-man.

"We all already know we're in Strana."

"Well, Boar Bramble is located in the Nehfar Forest," said Nih. "Perhaps the Nehfar Marvels? Or the Far Marvels."

"Oooh! The Far Marvels! That has pop!" said Boksee. "And Wolvie and Spidey are far from home so that's cute."

"Spider-man, far from home? Perish the thought," said Peter.

"Huh, the Far Marvels. Why not," said Wyn shrugging. "Anyone opposed?"

No one objected.

"The Far Marvels it is. I'll let the guild master know tomorrow."

Sat on the floor around their pizza and tree stump, between the daubed walls and the open cottage door, the newly named party enjoyed the rest of their home warming.

---

A lone candle on the window seal seemed to attract passing fireflies to Logan's dark bedroom window. Or were they tiny fae? Either way, they flickered brightly behind the small flame's reflection.

"We're going to have to do that again," said Spider-man webbing up a hammock between the bedroom walls.

"That stupid pizza took three hours," said Logan flatly.

"Yah but wasn't it worth it?" he replied with a shine in his eyes. "I mean everyone loved it. I loved it. Would you deny me something I love? When we get home, I'm going to lock myself in my apartment and eat pizza for a week."

With a snap of his wrists, Spider-man finished shooting his web.

"There you go Wolvie. One Spidey hammock ready to go," he said patting it like he was selling a car. "Made extra fluffy," he added winking and shooting a finger bang.

Wolverine gave him an absolutely dumbfounded look.

"Alright, alright, thanks for the fart bag. Get out," he said shoving the younger man out of the room.

"Wait, Wolvie, I don't have a cand-"

Slamming the door, Wolverine's face lit up. With his growling, husky voice, he nearly giggled like a school girl. He threw his arms up and shouted through clenched teeth.

"Finally! I'm alone. I get to be alone!"

He still had to sleep in Spider-man's stank tonight but that was temporary. He finally had his own private ten square feet all to himself!

"Oh, I might just shed a fuckin' tear."

Throwing off his clothes, he wrapped his bare bottom in his blanket and hopped into the hammock, swinging it so hard he thumped into the wall.

"Ahhh…"

He snuggled in, then thoughtfully wriggled. The webbing was extra fluffy.

"Why?" he growled, but then had to concede with himself that it was actually pretty comfy.

Just as he leaned over to blow out his candle, a dark feeling of dread fell over him. His hair stood on end and his eyes snapped to the stain in the middle of the floor. It started to spread, growing from a small beige smear to a deep ruddy puddle.

Wolverine froze, his eyes going wide and his brow furrowing.

Wrinkled, spindly arms reached up out of the stain. They bent and snapped into place as an emaciated old man with long grey hair pulled himself out of the floor.

The old man teetered to his feet then turned to the stunned mutant.

"Oh, don't mind me then lad," he puffed, brushing off his ragged nightgown. "I'll be on my way."

Without a care in the world, the ghost started to shamble off, pleasantly muttering to himself all the while. "As I breathe, I barely recognize the place… So nice to have company."

With a wispy poof, he phased out the door.

Logan, left alone once again, blinked, his mouth hanging open absolutely dumbstruck.

He flopped his head back against his hammock and threw an arm over his eyes.

"Fuck."

The End.