Original Video by Oversimplified, he is poggers.
The crowd would wake from their sleep, get ready, eat breakfast and be called back into the theatre proper.
Slays would appear before them as the cast would get into their seats.
"Before we start this one, I'm gonna bring in a few more people; I've already shown them the last universe you all saw," Slays explained.
Suddenly, The Belladonna's and The Schnee's (Sans Jacques) would just kinda pop into existence.
Weiss excitedly greeted her family, while the Belladonna's greeted Blake, before sitting in their seats.
"So, remember what I said about Salem being a revolutionary last time?"
The audience would nod.
"This universe is going to explore the several revolutions in her country, including the one she was apart of, turn it on Jerry!"
The monkey would put a disc in, and the screen would turn on.
"Hey Jimmy it's the 1800s, an exciting time to be alive why don't you get out there and explore the world?" A mother asked her child. "Gee whizz, mom, thanks!" He'd reply.
"This place is amazing! Where am I?" He'd ask in a beautiful looking city. "Why you're in France my boy, where we come up with wacky new ways of running a country: Liberty, Egality, Fraternity," A man in a suit told the boy.
Jimmy would end up in a train station, a conductor in front of him. "Welcome to the United Kingdom, here we invented the train!" The conductor explained. "ALL ABOARD!"
Jimmy was now in a factory, talking to a German worker. "Holy smokes!" Jimmy said. "You're in a German factory my friend; here we harness fire and coal to create all these sexy lederhosen," The worker explained. "This is incredible, I can't wait to see where I'll end up next," Jimmy said, grinning ear to ear.
The audience were all excited about how developed Europe appeared to be, everyone appeared happy the 1800s looked like a great time for all! Why would anyone revolt?
Jimmy would end up in a desolate dirt patch, a female farmer looking down on him. "W-where am I?" He'd ask, the women would spit on the ground.
"You're in Russia."
"Have... I gone back in time?"
"No, this is just how it is,"
"Are you a farmer?"
"Worse, technically my landlord owns me; which makes me a serf,"
"I'm scared..."
"You should be, because I haven't eaten in 4 days, and you look pretty tasty,"
The scene would then cut back to the kitchen, Jimmy's mother making a pizza.
"Hey Jimmy, how were your travels?" She'd ask. "I hate you!" Jimmy said, crying and running to his room.
The audience got their answer, anyone would want to get rid of this.
"Russia in the 19th century: feudal, underdeveloped and stuck in the past," The narrator said over a map of Russia, pictures of just how terrible it was popping up.
"While the rest of Europe had been modernising and improving its citizen's lives," The narrator said over money raining down with factory owner with bags of money in their hands, and someone writing a constitution. "Russia's rulers were taking a different approach," He'd explain
"My lord, we're falling behind the rest of Europe. It's time to industrialize, give the people rights and share your powe-," A man was cut off by the king shooting him with a rocket launcher.
"Now I see why they can't modernize, an unwillingness to accept change will only end in failure," Ozpin stated.
"Russian Tsars had no time for pathetic ideas like liberty and modernization, because they were having the time of their lives," The Narrator said over the Russian Tsar looking a whiteboard with the words "Things to do: liberate, modernize" written on it, the Tsar would go "Yeah right, nerds," before the video would cut to a rave.
"While the serfs were breaking their backs in the fields," Serfs working would be shown. "The Tsars held all the power and they didn't have to listen to anyone." The narrator explained, the words "Autocracy" appearing at the top of the screen over the Tsar and nobility in the throne room.
"Wanna run the country like a backwards feudal kingdom while the rest of Europe outpaces you economically and militarily? Go right ahead," The narrator explained over the Tsar whipping a peasant, while a Frenchman went "Non c'est tragique."
"Wanna keep the people uneducated so they don't get any ideas? There's no one to stop you," He continued, with the Tsar holding a sign saying "Nobles only" outside of a school
"Wanna keep exporting grain even though there's a famine causing hundreds of thousands of people to die? That's your god given right!" He'd explain, a light shining down on the Tsar, making him thank god.
"Jesus, how much worse can this place get?" Qrow half-jokingly asked.
"Way worse," Slays answered.
"While this was pretty great for the Tsar, if you were literally anybody else, it probably sucked," He'd continue, angry looking people surrounding the Tsar who was in the middle
"Because Russia was falling behind, if they were to keep up with Europe, they would need a strong leader with big ideas, oh look! Here comes one now," He'd say over serfs farming, a carriage rolling into the field, Nicholas Schnee popping out and standing on a box labelled 'Tsar'. "Hey everyone, it's me Tsar Nicholas and I've got some BIG news! I'm releasing you all from your serfdom, you're all free!" He'd explain, the peasants clapping. "Yep, I'm the best! Oh, there is one thing though I spoke to your local lords and they weren't happy about losing all their free labour, so as a compromise... you're all going to have to pay them back a near impossible amount of money for the next 49 years. Expect your lives to BARELY CHANGE!" He'd explain, making one of the peasants drop their hoe. "Okay bye!" He'd say, driving away in his car.
The Schnee's were happy that their grandpa was at least trying to help, but were still vastly disappointed in Russia, along with the rest of the crowd.
"Now I know what you're thinking, this Tsar Nicholas guy seems like a pretty cool guy. He's trying to reform the country and get Russia on the right path, everyone must love this guy, right? Wrong!" The narrator explained. "Why does one man get to decide the fate of everyone in the country?" An outraged man in a bar asked, other people listening in. "This whole system is dumb! Somebody should do something," He' exclaim.
"Like what?"
"Like kill the Tsar,"
"You're going to kill the Tsar?"
Well... me? No, I'm busy; I was kinda hoping you'd do it," The man explained, handing a bomb to the guy he was speaking to.
"Ok,"
The video then cut to a parade, with Nicholas driving down the street in a carriage "See, the people love me! They're throwing flowers, confetti and high grade explosives!" He'd say, before said explosives would explode on his carriage.
The Schnees felt sadness at their grandpa's untimely death.
"Ok, Winter your grandfather has a mild case of being blown up by a terrorist and he's not looking so hot, so we're gonna go say our goodbyes," Willow explained to a young Winter in a very fancy looking room. "No it'll be too scary for him," An unnamed man would grab onto Willow's arm. "Nonsense it won't be scary at all! We're just gonna say a quick goodbye, ready?" Willow confidently said, opening the curtain on a bed, revealing a heavily wounded Nicholas.
"GIRL! Look at me! The people did this to me! And on day... THEY'LL DO IT TO YOU!" Nicholas yelled, grabbing onto the young Winter. "See? Wasn't scary at all!" Willow said to the terrified looking Willow.
"Jesus, way to traumatise your kid," Qrow stated.
"So Nicholas was dead, but luckily, they had another Schnee lying around: Willow, and she felt her dad's reforms had weakened the Tsar's authority," The narrator explained, Willow saying "Weak," to the grave of Nicholas, who, in turn would reply with "Rude,"
"Russia was massive, and as a result had many ethnic minorities," The narrator stated, a map with Russia with said minorities being within it. "Non Russians? More interested in their own cultural heritage than in loving me?" Willow asked two advisors. "Isn't it great? So much beautiful culture and diversity in our great natio-" The advisor was cut off by Willow shooting at him with a rocket launcher
"Willow thought these minorities should be a little more Russian, and thereby, loyal to her," Willow would be shown transforming a happy looking group of minorities into sad, Russian peasants. "So, she repressed religious minorities, she repressed non-Russians," The narrator said, Willow beating said people over the head with a literal iron fist on a stick. "She introduced the Okhrana, a secret police force that repressed anyone that thought having a Tsar was dumb," He'd continue, Willow hitting people with the iron fist in a bar along with members of the Okhrana. "If Nicholas Schnee was the great reformer, Willow Schnee was the great repressor," The narrator stated.
Willow was disappointed at this version of herself, along with the rest of the Schnees.
"Now That's how you run a country!" Willow claimed in a palace, a map of Russia with the ethnic minorities being replaced with "Obedient Russians (Who love the Tsar)". "Hey Mom?" The young Winter asked. "Ugh... great. It's my daughter Winter who I like to call a girly girl because she's so weak and pathetic," the words "True Story" would pop up on the screen
The audience giggled at Willow's way of mocking her daughter, she sounded like a child.
"That actually happened?!" Yang asked in between giggles.
"When are you gonna grow up?" She asked Winter, causing her to instantly turn older.
"Wish I could do that," Weiss thought to herself.
"Eh, you still look like a girly girl to me," Willow said. "But mom, I grew wrinkles," Winter told her. "YEAH, UGLY GIRLY GIRL WRINKLES!" Willow yelled, causing Winter to break down crying.
"Never knew you were capable of crying, ice queen," Qrow mocked.
"Never knew you were capable of being even more of a dick, drunk," Winter replied.
"If Winter was to one day be Tsar she needed her mom to teach her how to run the country," The narrator explained, Willow standing triumphantly on Russia while Winter would be seen with her hand on her chin. "But her mom instead suggested that she go somewhere else," Winter would then look over at Japan. "So Winter went to Japan, got an edgy dragon tattoo," Winter would be shown getting said tattoo, with the words "True story" pointing to her. "Had her head sliced off by a policeman," Winter would be shown being attacked by a katana wielding policemen while a crowd of Japanese people would gasp in shock. "And then came home,"
"She nearly died!?" Weiss asked in shock.
"Pretty much," Slays answered.
"Sounds like a pretty eventful trip," Qrow said.
"Now will you teach me how to rule?" Winter now with a band aid on her head asked Willow, the both of them inside the palace again. Willow sighed "I suppose it's time. Ok, there's a lot you need to know before becoming Tsar... uh oh," She'd suddenly say. "What?" Winter asked. "I've got kidney inflammation," Willow declared before immediately dying on the spot. "OoOoooOOoh NooOooOo," Winter said.
"An inexperienced ruler in a country that only cares about its rich, this is a recipe for disaster," Ozpin stated.
"Upon her mother's death a totally unprepared Winter ascended to the Russian throne: she wasn't a reformer like her grandfather, nor was she a repressor like her mom, Winter was Winter, timid, easily swayed and more interested in doing whatever the hell this is, or this, or this," Winter would be shown dancing in a circle with a bunch of people, doing a conga line and generally goofing off.
"This Winter seems very incompetent, nothing like the Winter I know," Ironwood said.
"Thank you, Sir,"
"She wasn't ready to rule, and she herself admitted it saying, 'I am not yet ready to be Tsar, I know nothing of the business of ruling,'" Winter was shown on the throne, someone putting a crown on her head. "Bit of an awkward time to bring it up," He said.
"However Winter firmly believed that she was chosen by god to be Russia's big mommy and while she doubted her ability to rule, she was gonna give it her best shot and hey who knows? Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all," The Narrator said.
"Oof, that's how you know it's gonna go bad," Qrow stated.
"To get things off to a good start Winter promised free pretzels and beer to a huge crowd in Moscow to celebrate her coronation," The narrator began, with Winter standing on the large balcony of a huge building, nobles surrounding her and said huge crowd below her. "So enticing a proposition to starving peasants, that the ensuing stampede left nearly 15'000 people dead,"
"Called it!" Qrow said.
Winter was appalled at just how incompetent this version of her was.
"What the hell happened?" Nicholas asked a group of three men. "We're not sure, but you're scheduled to go party with the French at 8 o'clock," one of the men explained. "Shouldn't I... stay here out of respect for the people?"
"When have Russian Tsars ever respected the people?"
"Hmm..." Winter hummed before the video cut to Winter partying with the French in a large white room, DJ and all.
"Winters decision to go party with the French immediately tarnished his image, some were calling her: Nicholas The Bloody," The narrator explained. "The Tsars had been partying hard at the expense of the people for long enough, they'd emancipated the serfs, but failed to lift them out of poverty, they used their secret police to crack down on anyone who might criticize them, and they failed to modernize and give the people rights, something the rest of Europe had begun doing over a century ago,"
"Such an ineffective system of governance, I wonder how long they thought they could keep it going?" Salem said.
"The rule of the Tsars was quickly becoming outdated and more and more began wondering if there was a better way," The narrator said. "For many, the solution was simple, just look to the west: Republics, Democracies and Constitutional Monarchies galore," Three men were shown facing the UK, Greece, Switzerland and France. "But a small growing group rejected that for an even better idea, a little something they called Communism," Salem and two other men were shown holding up red flags.
"It's Mistress Salem!" Tyrian excitedly said to the screen.
"Take Vladimira Salem, an intelligent member of Russia's middle class, and also a massive ill-tempered jerk," An incredibly angry looking Salem was shown, clad in a black suit and black tie. "If you disagreed with her about anything, she wasn't afraid to call you out," The scene switched to Salem and some brown suit wearing man in a rural area of Russia. "You fat-headed, simpleminded, vapid, cock-eyed, imbecile; Tenderheart Bear is a FAR SUPERIOR Care Bear to Bedtime Bear!" Salem angrily yelled at the man, causing him to burst into tears.
The audience chuckled at this interaction.
"Such a childish thing for me to get angry over," Salem stated.
"This isn't you, Mistress, this is an alternate version of you," Cinder explained.
"Yes, that is true,"
"And she was no stranger to political unrest either," Salem was shown knocking over a trashcan. "Her older brother was executed for plotting to kill the Tsar, and Salem herself was expelled from University for participating in a student protest," Salem was shown holding signs that showed angry faces, "Bedtime Bear is Better," or other messages about how the Tsar was bad along with other students. "But how did Salem go from being a middle class nerd to the arbiter of Socialist divinity?" The narrator asked the audience, a picture of an incredibly scrawny looking man and Salem, holding a large sickle in one hand and a hammer in the other, wearing Communist themed Red and Grey armour were shown one after another.
"Well, to tell that story we first need to go back a few decades to when a man named Karl Marx wrote a Manifesto explaining how Capitalism a system whereby the stinky Bourgeoise oppressed and exploited the working massed and that only through class warfare could the workers rise up and instate a Communist Utopia," Monopoly Men were shown beating Workers with whips while yelling "Work harder!" before they were thrown off a bridge into a river by said Workers.
"That sounds rather... idealistic," Ozpin stated, taking a sip from his mug.
"Now go back forward a few decades to Salem reading that Manifesto, and loving it," Salem was shown in a dingy looking apartment reading the Communist Manifesto, before throwing her arms up in celebration. "But publicly admitting you loved Marx and not Russia's Big Mommy would get you the cruellest punishment imaginable, exile to Siberia,"
"Enjoy exile, where you'll live with your Husband, chill around town, and secretly write Socialist newspapers," A man wearing full military uniform explained in the middle of the incredibly snowy town.
"Hey, that doesn't sound so bad!" Salem said.
"And your Mother-in-Law's going to live with you,"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Salem suddenly yelled
The audience, Salem included once again giggled at this.
"Once Salem finished her stint in Siberia, she left Russia for Europe where she was free to hang out with other Russian Marxists and talk about how great Communism is," Salem was shown with a group of other people, with the words "Communism Rules" above their heads. "Now, today you might hear the word 'Communism' and think of this," A red first, a ghost with the words 'free healthcare' on it, a depressing Soviet Apartment Complex, the Ferris Wheel from the town that was near Chernobyl and Robyn Hill zapping Jacques Schnee with her laser eyes would be shown.
The audience let out another laugh, especially at the last image.
"But that's not how intellectuals living under a tough Tsarist regime saw it, to them Communism promised a land where all were equal, where workers weren't exploited, and even people like you could get a girlfriend," Several people would be shown holding hands on green hills under a bright sunset.
"Y'know what? This whole Communism thing doesn't sound half bad," Qrow joked after hearing the last bit of the sentence.
"So Salem joined a party of Russian Communists living in Europe and he founded a Communist newsletter that was smuggled into Russia to try to radicalize the people," The narrator explained while Salem typed up said newspaper.
"However, not everyone in the Socialist Party agreed with Salem, in fact, they disagreed with her on a lot of issues," The video cut to Salem and some other rando saying "Yes, No" at each other until Salem said "Yes times infinity", to which the man slumped down, defeated.
And Salem was so uncompromising that she caused a split in the party. In on conference, a heated debate broke out and Salem was unwilling to give an inch. "You... pig-ignorant, half-witted fatous MORONS! Cereal IS a soup!" Salem yelled at the group of people. "Listen Salem, you're a smart girl, but you have no idea what you're talking about. We're out of here!" A glasses wearing man at the front said before leaving with his group. Salem would turn around to a small group of people. "All in favour of cereal being a soup?" Everyone raised their hand. "Ey would you look at that! We're in the majority!" Salem declared. "So Salem set up her own faction in the party she called 'The Majority' or Bolshevik if you're speaking Russian, and the other faction became known as 'The Minority' or Menshevik, and oddly, the Majority were often in the Minority, and the Majority in the majority," The narrator explained.
"Such an odd thing to get up in arms about," Opzin commented
"Cereal IS a soup though," Qrow commented
"It absolutely is not, you drunk!" Winter replied.
"Fellas, let's calm down, or I will murder you and your entire extended families," Slays calmly warned the bickering two.
This got the two to stop their cereal related bickering.
"The Mensheviks were less radical, while Salem wanted the Bolsheviks to be loyal to her and her uncompromising ideas, and if you weren't loyal; well then you were gonna get a big brained beatdown," Salem was shown whipping another Bolshevik.
"Mensheviks worried that Salem's attitude could lead to a one woman dictatorship," Three Mensheviks were shown in a room, one of them saying "She's scawy,"
"But c'mon does this girl look like a dictator to you?" The narrator asked over an image of Salem looking down at the camera, after a small pause a man loudly coughed in the background.
"I mean, just a little," Qrow jokingly answered the Narrator's question.
"For now, Salem remained in Europe writing her socialist newspaper," Salem was shown impatiently using a typewriter. "And impatiently awaiting an opportunity to overthrow the Tsar and bring Communist utopia to Russia,"
"And Revolution was coming, but not in the way Salem thought," A map of Russia was once again shown. "Back in St. Petersburg one of the Tsarina's most skilled and influential advisors knew the country finally needed to catch up with the rest of Europe," Klein Sieben was shown entering Winter's room while said woman was in her PJs, jumping on her bed.
"Hey Winter, we've really gotta industrialise, get more factories and make some... I dunno textiles or something,"
"Hmm, won't that change the social fabric of Russia?" Winter asked, no longer jumping on her bed.
"Maybe... hey, isn't it past your bedtime?"
"But I haven't had my milk and snuggles yet," Winter paused for a moment. "Will, you snuggle me?"
"Ummm..."
"Winter thought modernisation was boring, but she let Klein do his thing," Klein was shown cuddling Winter on a couch. "And do his thing he did, he borrowed some money and got Russia some sexy factories, and you know what sexy factories mean? Sexy workers, dirt poor sexy workers," Klein was shown causing factories to fall from the sky, before said dirt poor sexy workers were shown shirtless and crying.
"Long hours, low wages, filthy disease ridden factories," A human-sized rat was shown greeting a human worker.
"Sleep in overcrowded dormitories with all your stinky worker friends," The full dormitory was shown, with one worker yelling "Who farted!?"
"Get your arms ripped off in a freak Russian doll accident, conditions were terrible, but this growing working class wasn't about to take it lying down; they started to do what workers do best, strike!" Workers were shown holding up signs outside of the factory, the human-sized rat protesting with them.
"Bet you'd know a ton about striking workers, Ice Queen," Qrow suggested.
Winter angrily grumbled to herself at this.
The rest of the audience, bar Qrow and Winter were more concerned about the rat.
"Despite Klein's efforts, the people of Russia were still unhappy: Peasants were still poor, Liberals still wanted reform and now, the Workers wanted better working conditions; and the problem with being an Autocrat is that when everyone's unhappy, there's only one person to blame, you,"
"The people hate me! What do I do? Ooh, I know; why don't we find a weak and pathetic nation to go to war with? We'll win easily, and everyone will love me again!" Winter suggested.
"Why don't we just try treating the people better?" Klein suggested causing Winter to pull out a rocket launcher, although instead of killing the man, it'd launch out a pile of poop.
"Winter, I don't mean to insult you, but that is the dumbest idea I've ever heard," Weiss said.
"I know, I don't know why this version of me is such an idiot!"
"As luck would have it an opportunity for war was forming in the far east," A map of Eastern Russia, Northeast China and Japan were shown "Russia wanted to expand its sphere of influence into Northern China and coincidentally, so did Japan, but Japan didn't really want war, so they proposed an idea to reduce the tensions," Winter and Ghira were shown in a room talking.
"Ghira, honey, it's you," Kali pointed out.
"I guess it is, what am I in this?" Ghira asked Slays.
"You're the Emperor of Japan,"
"Hey man, we'll let you do your thing in Manchuria, if you let us do our thing in Korea," Ghira suggested. "Uhhhh... I don't think so. We've got the largest army in the world, what do you have?" Winter asked.
"I'm the Emperor of Japan, I have a giant Mecha suit,"
"Whoa... cool,"
"For clarification, he did not have a giant Mecha suit, I know, very disappointing," Slays said.
Ruby pouted at this.
"Winter and the boys didn't see Japan as a threat, so they felt they could push Japan around," Klein and Winter were shown pushing Japan between themselves. "But little did they know Japan had been rapidly militarising and when they launched a surprise attack on the Russian fleet at Port Arthur, everyone was shocked," A flag representing the Japanese fleet was shown bumping into a Russian flag at Port Arthur, the words "The battle of Port Arthur, Feb 8-9" popping up above the two flags.
"Winter hoped it was an opportunity to win a quick war and regain the support of the people, nobody seriously thought a puny Asian country could defeat a European superpower and the Russian people were filled with patriotic spunk," Russian people were shown celebrating outside of a palace, while Winter stood atop her balcony.
"Hey everyone, we're at war with Japan!" Winter announced, causing the crowd to cheer.
An advisor suddenly whispered to her. "Hey everyone, we're losing the war," Winter announced, causing the crowd to loudly boo.
"The Japanese won, an embarrassing defeat for Tsarina Winter," Japan was shown hitting Russia with a baseball bat.
"Russia had enough problems, but now, it had been internationally humiliated," Winter was shown blushing, saying "Oopsy poopsy,"
"I'm gonna go off of a limb and say it gets a lot worse from here," Qrow said.
"It does, oh god it does," Slays said, putting his hands on his head.
"The public were outraged," People were shown protesting with signs in some rural area. "Unrest increased," One man knocked over a bin. "Winter needed snuggles more than ever," Klein was shown snuggling winter on the couch again, saying "This isn't my job dammit,"
"The tension was rising rapidly, and Russia was on the verge of Revolution, all it needed was one disaster to push it over the edge and that disaster would come in January 1905 from an unlikely source," The narrator explained. "A handsome Orthodox priest named Father Gapon," The man was shown with short, brown hair and a brown goatee. "Father Gapon was leading workers and their families to the Winter palace, but this wasn't some violent uprising, it was a peaceful protest," Gapon and his follows were shown walking down a snowy street.
"They wanted to deliver a petition to Winter which simply asked for more freedom and better working conditions, the protest was actually so peaceful and respectful that the Marxists thought it was a big waste of time," Said Marxists, including Salem were shown calling a newspaper showing the protest Lame.
"Hey Winter, some priest is leading peaceful protest, says here they want to give you a petition," An advisor informed Winter who was in a room of the Winter Palace.
"A peaceful petitioning priest? I better get out of here!" Winter immediately ran out of the room upon finishing her sentence.
"Winter had actually left the Winter Palace days earlier and in his place they brought in a truckload of troops," A large amount of troops were literally poured out of trucks onto the ground. "Ordered to stop Father Gapon from reaching the Palace," Gapon and his followers were shown outside of an Arch, which the soldiers were guarding with their commander in front of them.
"I have a bad feeling about this," James said.
"Hello good sir and long live the Tsar; please, allow us to pass this simple petition to our dear mother, Winter Schnee," Gapon said.
"Good day to you too, allow us to respond by opening fire," The commander said as the soldiers fired on the crowd. "What began as a peaceful protest ended in tragedy, Imperial Soldiers opened fire on the crowd. Around 200 civilians died, 800 more were wounded," Live pictures and paintings of the incident were shown. "All they wanted was the opportunity to ask Winter to improve their lives, instead they were met with bullets,"
The audience was in shock at the sudden act of violence, especially against civilians.
"B-but why?" Ruby asked.
"I dunno, maybe they got spooked," Slays said.
"Still, I can't believe they'd just, kill 'em like that," Qrow said
Winter felt nervous at her possible involvement in this massacre.
"Winter didn't personally order the troops to fire, but as an Autocrat, she got the blame," The narrator explained, a portrait of Winter popping up. "The event became known as 'Bloody Sunday', and Winter's reputation plummeted: strikes erupted across the Empire," A map of Russia, this time with angry faces drawn on some of it was shown. "Worker's demands increased, Liberals demanded political power, Peasants demanded land; the country was out of control and the 1905 revolution had begun," The narrator declared.
"1905, am I correct in assuming there's other revolutions after this one?" Ozpin asked.
"Yes, yes you are," Slays answered.
"Listen Winter, peasants seizing my land and murdering my family I can tolerate, but illegally chopping my wood? That's obscene!" A noble complained to Winter.
"And the worse I treat my workers, the MORE they strike! I don't get it," A monopoly man said, looking downward.
"Everyone relax, as long as the military's still on my side, there's nothing to worry about," Winter declared to the two men.
"Sir, the sailors are starting to mutiny," An advisor added.
"Well my life just sucks!" Winter angrily threw her hands in the air.
"Not even the military likes ya anymore, Ice Queen," Qrow said.
Winter grumbled to herself at this.
"With Russia still losing to the Japanese, unrest was growing in the military and some sailors had even taken to killing officers," A officer would be shown being thrown overboard by a crowd of sailors.
"Jesus, this is getting bad," Ironwood stated.
"You're tellin' me Jimmy," Qrow said.
"Having the people against you is bad enough, but if the military joined in, it would be game over," Protestors and Soldiers were shown surrounding Winter.
"To make matters worse in October and Marxists including one Hazel Rainhart vegan setting up local elected councils called Soviets that coordinated strikes and supplied the workers," The narrator explained, Hazel and his fellow Marxists being shown making a large building spawn.
"Ah, Hazel's in this too, how interesting," Salem remarked.
"Klein could see the writing on the wall," Klein was shown staring at a wall literally saying "You're screwed". "Things we're going south fast and he needed a big idea to save the Tsar, and luckily, he had just that,"
"You see, all these angry people from different parts of society weren't really working together," Workers, Liberals and Peasants were shown protesting in small groups. "Meaning there was a weakness to exploit,"
"Sergei wrote a Manifesto that would give the liberals an elected assembly called the 'Duma'," The large building was shown. "It took some convincing but eventually Winter agreed to share power and have his laws approved by an elected assembly," Winter and Klein were shown arguing, with Klein saying 'C'mon' while holding up the Manifesto, Winter kept saying 'No' until she eventually gave in."
"Hey Liberals, here's your stupid Manifesto, happy now?" Winter said, now outside of the palace with a group of Liberals.
"We certainly are, but what about these guys?" A Liberal asked, motioning to the crowd of Workers and Peasants surrounding them. "Aren't you gonna give them what they want?"
"Oh goodness no, I was just gonna kill them," Winter clarified.
"So, they solved the problem by just appeasing one group," Ozpin added.
"Why didn't they work together?" Ruby asked.
"Well, they all want different things and come from different lives, Liberals want people to vote, Workers want to have better working conditions and Peasants want land, so they never really coordinated together," Slays explained.
"This version of me goes from incompetent to Monstrous in a matter of seconds, "Winter mumbled.
"With the Liberals satisfied and after ending the war with Japan the Tsar brought thousands of troops home, who then dismantled the Soviets, arrested their leaders and crushed the peasant uprisings in the countryside," The Military was shown putting Soviet leaders in handcuffs and beating on Peasants, while Winter yelled "I'm doing this because I love you," through a megaphone
"And what about that pesky parliament that Winter had agreed to share power with? Well, she wrote a bunch of new laws, which basically said" The scene cut to Winter outside of the Duma building with some Liberals.
"Hey, remember that Manifesto I wrote and how you guys were gonna approve my laws?" Winter asked.
"Mhmm," A Liberal nodded.
"Sliight change of plan. Actually, I'm gonna do whatever the hell I want, and you guys are gonna shut up!" Winter declared.
"What?! The people won't stand for this!" One of the Liberals declared.
"People? What people?" Winter asked as the dead bodies of Protesters were shown with soldiers standing over them.
"You know, this is why people don't like you," A Liberal added.
"Indeed, I'm surprised they aren't revolting again," Ren said.
"I mean, you can't have a revolution if everyone's dead," Qrow said, causing him to get glares from some of the other Audience members. "What? It's true,"
"So just like that, Winter had survived the 1905 revolution," The narrator said. "But wait, a Revolution? In Russia? Where was Salem? Well, Salem and her Communist pals were still in exile. She tried desperately to radicalise the uprising," Salem was shown furiously typing. "But all she could do was watch as the movements failed to organize, the Liberals sold out the poor," Liberals were shown looking on sorrow over dead Protesters. "And the Tsar outplayed the people," Winter was shown dancing over the bodies, "Furious, she believed Russia had missed a great chance for a real revolution, from now on she felt the only way left was an armed revolution by the workers," Salem was shown with a rifle. "Watching the events of 1905 unfold, Salem learnt a lot,"
"The Tsar however, would prove to have learned nothing," Winter was shown, surrounding by angry civilians.
"Even after all that, this version of me fails to get better?!" Winter said in shock.
"After the 1905 revolution had failed, the Tsar's new top man was Clover Ebi, and he had big ideas to prevent any more chaos," The narrator declared, an older, balding clover appearing on screen.
"Oof, he did not age well," Qrow thought to himself.
Clover and Winter were, once again standing in a room, with a large board showing Clover's big plan.
"Step 1, reform agriculture. This will make the peasants love you!" Clover declared, pointing to this part of the plan with a pointer.
"And step 2?" Winter asked.
"Uhh... we'll kill anyone who doesn't,"
"What is with this Winter and killing everyone!" Glynda angrily asked.
"I mean... it's worked pretty well for them so far," Qrow brought up.
The audience stared at him again.
"Read the room, dude," Said Taiyang.
"To discourage anymore revolutionary ideas, Ebi began to crack down even harder on the Tsar's opponents," Clover and some other guy in a suit were shown hitting two people with iron fists on a stick. "And thousands were sentenced to death, the noose even earned itself a new nickname 'Ebi's necktie'" People were shown gathered around the gallows, with the hanged standing atop a stool.
"I don't get it," The scruffy looking man said.
The executioner tied the rope around his neck.
"Ohhhh, I see. Cause it goes around my neck, that's so funny," The man smiled, before the stool was pulled from under him, causing him to die with a "bleh".
"But despite the oppression, many positive reforms were being made, and the Russian economy even began to improve," Winter and two of her advisors were standing around a line graph.
"At least things got better, right?" Ruby shrugged and nervously smiled.
"This was a problem for Salem, if the people weren't suffering, then they wouldn't support a revolution," Salem was shown typing on her typewriter. "Still in exile and lacking funds," Salem opened her empty wallet, to which a singular fly flew out of it. "The Bolsheviks simply weren't in a position to do anything, luckily it was at this time that Salem met an incredibly hot Georgian, with your second favourite historical haircut, Cinder Fall," The woman in question appeared in front of Salem.
"I appreciate the compliment," Cinder said.
"Salem and Fall met at a Communist convention in Finland," Salem and Cinder were shown shaking hands. "And Salem liked Fall, because she was a real go-getter and was great and fundraising for the Bolsheviks," Cinder pulled out two bags of money from nowhere. "And by fundraising, I mean: kidnapping, robbing, extorting, bribing, ransoming, assassinating, prison breaking, stealing, bank raiding, executioning, and stealing again," all of these various crimes were shown.
"Hey Fall, the Mensheviks aren't so hot on all this stealing, but we still need money. So the next time you do a big heist, just to it quietly," Salem asked.
"Ok, quietly, got it," Cinder nodded.
A crowd was shown surrounding a horse-carriage filled with bags of money, before Salem and a group of people wearing headbands shot at at everyone with two AK-47s in each of their hands.
"If this isn't quiet, I don't know what is!" Cinder shrugged.
"Not the smartest heist I've ever seen, but a good effort," Roman jokingly graded.
Cinder grumbled at this, to which Emerald patted her on the back.
"Fall's wacky antics eventually got her exiled to Siberia, but she'd established herself as a big balls Bolshevik," Fall was shown in a snowy, Siberian town. "However, no amount of Bolshevik balls could stop what was happening. The Russian economy was making a recovery," Russian nobles were standing around a graph showing how good the Russian economy was doing now. "For the Tsar, things were looking up,"
"Is exiling people to Siberia their only punishment?" Yang asked to herself.
Winter breathed a sigh of relief that Russia was finally doing well, she couldn't wait to rub it in Qrow's face.
"This is great!" One of the nobles said. "All Winter has to do is sit back and not mess anything up,"
Winter walked into the room. "Hey everyone, BIG NEWS! I'd like to introduce you to my new best friend," A very scruffy looking, bearded Qrow walked in.
"He's a crazy, drunken, beardy, horny, scandal-ridden magic wizard man, and he smells like a goat!" Winter threw her arms up.
"We're screwed," A noble commented, looking at his fellow noblemen.
"God dammit!" Winter yelled.
Qrow chuckled. "Always knew we were best friends, Ice Queen,"
Winter grumbled at this.
"That description is honestly correct," Ironwood stated. "Minus the beardy part,"
"Hey, I have great facial hair!" Qrow said in mock offense.
"Qrow Branwen, a dirt poor peasant from dirt poor nowhere," Qrow was shown in a dirt field surrounded by farmers. "But unlike all the other dirt poor peasants, Qrow had holy healing powers" Qrow was shown waving his arms as if he was casting a spell, an arrow was pointing to him, with 'allegedly' being written above it.
"That's seems just like you, dude," Tai joked at Qrow.
Qrow grumbled to himself.
"Did anyone actually believe any of this?" Glynda asked.
"And when this Holy Mystic walked into St. Petersburg, people began to notice," Qrow was shown surrounded by a crowd of people. "He quickly became famous, and word of this mystery man and his healing hands made its way to the royal palace," Two people were shown asking Qrow for a selfie, before the video cut to the Russian royal family.
"They actually believe this," Glynda said in disbelief.
Qrow chuckled to himself.
"The appearance of a Holy Homeless Healer was of great interest to the Tsar and her Husband," The two were shown. "As far as royals go, they weren't that inbred," an arrow pointing to them let the audience know that they were second cousins. "But they were just inbred enough for their son Alexei to get haemophilia, or in Layman's terms," The baby boy was shown, bleeding out of his entire body. "Mama Mia that's a lot of blood!"
The audience chuckled at that last part.
"Knowing Qrow could heal people, in 1906 Winter asked Qrow to see if he could cure their son," Qrow was seen reading an invitation, the video then cut to Alexei's bedroom, the boy was still bleeding on his bed, as Winter, her Husband and a doctor were standing over him. "And crazy as it sounds, Qrow did heal Alexei," The blood suddenly stopped gushing from the boy. "Possibly by taking him off his Doctor prescribed aspirin, having seemingly done the impossible, Qrow became very, very close to the royal family," Qrow, Winter and her Husband were shown frolicking in a Russian village, all of them holding ice cream
"So, Qrow became good friends with a royal family by realizing that aspirin makes haemophilia worse?" Ozpin asked.
"No, it's because Uncle Qrow is magic," Ruby asserted.
The three were now shown watching TV together. "But having a crazy, homeless Wizard Man hanging around wasn't a good look for the Tsar, because Qrow was freaky," The camera zoomed in on Qrow's face. "Not only was he a big fan of alcohol," Qrow was shown yelling 'More vodka!' at a crowd of dancing Russian nobility. "But he'd also throw these crazy parties with Russian nobility: Where he'd (bleep) and (bleep) all night long, and then he'd (bleeeeeeeeeeeep), his whole head (bleeeeeep), not a guy as (bleeep), and nobody knew how the goat got on the roof,"
"Sounds like my kind of party!" Nora said.
"Half of it was censored and I still feel like I've heard something no man should hear," Ren said.
"Initially, the press were banned from talking about Qrow, but eventually, the ban was lifted and the tabloids went to town," A crowd was shown looking shocked at a newspaper. "The whole thing was a huge scandal, and everyone was freaked out that this guy," The scruffy looking Qrow was shown. "Was influencing the Tsar and her Husband, Winter could have spent this period of relative peace improving her image, instead, she spent it doing this," Winter and Qrow were shown jumping on a bed.
"Can I stop being so... stupid in this!" Winter snapped, yelling at the screen.
Qrow chuckled even louder than before.
"As weird as the whole Qrow thing was, as long as the economy continued to improve, and the people's lives kept getting better, maybe Winter would be okay," Winter was shown standing outside of the Winter Palace. "Maybe there would be no more revolution, maybe this video could end right here, or maybe things were about to get worse, a lot worse; you see, the year is 1914, and that means it's time for World War 1"
"The video's over," Slays said. "How was it?"
"Best thing I've ever watched," Qrow smirked.
"Terrible," Winter pouted.
"Very diverse opinions we've got here," Slays said. "Jerry, put in the next one!"
The Monkey did just that, taking the old video out and putting the next one in.